“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. “

Haven’t written lately. Mostly because nothing new has transpired. Pretty sure that’s an even split of good and bad. Not sure how well I could stand a few more things go wrong.

I have been hanging in there though. Taking everything with ease. Again, so thankful for the support group I have because without them staying positive would be hell. Been a week of clean eating. I had a slip up last night which ended in passing out early as fuck. Not beating myself is goal number one. I will however try a little harder in the gym tonight. Speaking of the gym, went 3 times this work week which is stellar for me right now. When I am there though, I feel so fucking good (Except when I see a bad ass body I’m super jealous about of course lol) <– which that sometimes has a reverse affect on my motivation. Sometimes I get so caught up and impatient that it makes me hate how I feel that I look like. But that’s where Ashley comes in.. I’ll text her every thing I’m feeling any point of the day and shes always there just reminding me that I’ll get there. and I KNOW I’ll get there its just hard dealing with the consequences of enjoying life how I have been. But again, everything will be okay.

I wish I was a little more organized with this blog thing. Writing out my daily scheduled eating, what work outs I complete, cool website finds, amazing products I stumble upon.. Thinking my resolution will be to improve this blog. Really go further into my life, a little more detailed. I think that I can really start helping people out. It’s nice when things are a simple read but very informative. I have a lot to teach, and love helping people with that step closer to self love.. real inner happiness..

Life with the boyfriend is fantastic. We have been growing closer and closer and it feels so good, so with the holidays coming I couldn’t be happier. I am going to enjoy thanksgiving and Christmas without a care in the world.

I really am starting to understand what it takes. I need a month or two to really get the lean look I am looking for. If I’m not lean, I’m not happy and it takes A LOT of dedication to stay lean year round. Again, another resolution.

Shane from my ig and fb messaged me last night or the night before and this is how the conversation went:

Shane Riley

How do you balance it all? School, gym, boyfriend, work..I mean it seems like you have a crazy busy life how do you do it all

Marissa Marie

I really dont. I have ass everything. I get in phases though.. Like before no bf I competed bc I really didn’t have anything else to do bc I wasn’t personal training anymore then got a bf and he takes a lot of my time but I don’t mind I do when I beat myself up over not always being stage ready but I have to learn how to love myself stage ready and a little less lean. I feel like I have an uncomfortable limit. Like I let myself go for a bit but now it’s time to start killing it. Idk if think maybe THAT’S my “balance”.. Staying lean is hard and sometimes I don’t always make that time.. I do what I want when I want. Sometimes I wish I was smarter at times bc if I did find a legit “balance” I could juggle things in life.. Then again idk if I like juggling. I like living life as is

Shane

That makes sense.. I just needed perspective from somebody else that’s been through this cuz I feel like I can’t rly find a balance either

Marissa Marie

you just have to do what you want whenever you want. workout when you want to you know the benefits of doing it and not doing it. its all up to you. I just cant be happy being fat.. so i push my limits and go from there. most people have a lot going for them magazines cover shoots ext so its easier for them to constantly be working out because technically their getting paid for it. .. me on the other hand have life throwing curve balls every which way i turn.. I just know that in the end I have to do what makes me happy. If i want to eat like shit let me eat like shit.. ill deal with it later.. if i want to skip a workout to go to a movie ok.. if i want to sleep fuck it.. im not beating myself up any more.. im just lucky because i like the process of turning my body into a machine so when I start I keep going till I hit a high then i find myself enjoying life more instead of inside the gym walls.

Shane

How come you stopped being a personal trainer?

Marissa Marie

I quit because of a now ex boyfriend. Worst decision of my life.

Shane

How come you don’t do it again?


4:03pm
Marissa Marie
I do sometimes on the side but a I don’t want to work for someone sometimes it’s more about $$$ and I don’t believe in that 2 I’m trying to focus on school 3 idk. Not gonna lie idk

I don’t know how to balance it all.. that’s my problem. I beat myself up one day, it grows into two or three days.. I get fed up feeling disgusted with myself then become obsessed with eating clean and lifting till I look how I want.. or till I get depressed and feed my emotions with sugar and lots of it and oh hey look! were back at square one.  It’s literally a vicious cycle..one in which every day I am learning different ways to cope and hopefully end it one day.

About the whole personal training issue…I had once dated thee ultimate douche. Made me quit my job move in change numbers watch my every mood type thing which obviously meant quiting my job (personal trainer) and it was the worst decision I ever made in my life. It was the best job, making great money doing what I love. I don’t know what I was thinking. Things were rough at that time but I thought it was the right thing to do.  Afterall he was the GM of the same franchise what could go wrong. Ohhh.. lol. what didn’t? Anywho it was what it was. I learned more life lessons then just losing a job..I can be a personal trainer anywhere. I don’t feel too bad about it though because in the end I don’t want to work for a company. They think WAY too much about the money and getting peoples money than results and changing peoples life. Like for example my boss would ask me how many resigns I had that month and although I met my “goals” every time , I never got to tell her how many lifes I’ve helped change and that was the true goal. It’s just my philosophy on the matter.. so everyones right,  I suppose I could just go out and train people like I use too but I am not ready for that. I will be, just not yet. I want to continue my education in the wellness field and hopefully become an actually coach (not JUST a personal trainer, something more) for everyone looking for help out there. Until then I myself  am finding myself more and more everyday and although it is a struggle, I’m in it for the long run.

Don’t have much planned for the weekend. I do however want sushi BAD so that’s my only criteria for Saturday or Sunday lol. I do plan on getting a couple workouts in because it really does make me feel like I got this.

Leaving you with a recipe from Chocolate Covered Katie that I am SUPER stoked about. My mom always makes apple crisp and so I know whats in it lol (definitely not the healthiest) but I WILL enjoy some on Turkey Day, but until then this simple recipe will def leave my taste buds satisfied.

Single-Lady Apple Crumble

(can be gluten-free)

  • 1 medium-sized apple, diced small
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 2 tbsp milk of choice
  • 1/2 tsp apple pie spice (you can probably sub cinnamon)
  • 1 stevia packet or 1-2 tbsp sugar or sucanat
  • optional add-ins: walnuts, raisins, etc.
  • 3 tbsp quick oats (15g) (For substitution notes, see nutrition link below.)
  • 2 tsp oat flour (or another flour of choice) (4g)
  • 1 tbsp oil or butter-type spread (such as Smart Balance Light or Earth Balance) (15g) (For a fat-free substitution, see “nutrition facts” link below.)

Preheat oven to 350 F and grease an oven-safe 2-cup dish. In a small mixing bowl, combine first five ingredients (and optional add-ins, if desired). Stir well. In a separate mixing bowl, combine remaining three ingredients and stir well. Now mix everything together and pour into the greased dish. (If you like a more-crumbly crumble, increase the amounts of the last three ingredients.) Bake 40 minutes (in the middle of the oven, not the very top), then turn the oven to high-broil for 2-3 minutes. Turn off heat, but let sit in oven 15 more minutes.

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