If it were easy, well.. you know. 

Everyone wants the easy way out, the magic pill, if you will. I can’t compete with an ignorant naive mind. I don’t possess enough patience. It’s a flaw, a weakness rather and something that is currently being worked on. 

The same patience I’m speaking of, is the patience these people.. your clients my clients people of the world, all need. 

The body I have, the strength I own, the knowledge I’ve acquired.. Was never made in a lab nor was it injected. It was never swallowed. Never squeezed and manipulated.. This was hardwork and consistency. This.. this took discipline.

Of course I wanted to wake up after a day of eating good, and like what I saw. Of course I’d rather take a pill then feel the lactic acid (which we can thank hydrogen not lactate for that) burning. Of course I’d rather wear some ridiculous waist trainer instead of walking up to cycle in the wee hours of the morning.

Truth is, this lifestyle isn’t easy and as far as I’ve seen, isn’t for everyone. 

I get that. I get that life isn’t easy which makes being active and healthy harder. I G E T  IT! Maybe me getting it, isn’t the problem. Maybe thinking there’s a problem, is the problem. 

A client and I got into it (not really but definitely some miscommunication) regarding meal plans and such. Apparently I said I would help her with one months and months ago but always fell thru. I wasn’t aware of this, as meal plans are very time consuming (and technically I’m not a dietician yet so, basically all I can give you is “guidelines”).  However, that is my job and hopefully as you all know, I am all about balance. Nutrition being one of the most important factors in all of this, none the less. What got to me is as I am going over the basics to this (I start my clients off small. As in, small goals nothing drastic to see how they adapt to change), she interrupts me and goes off on a tangent about how age this, and carbs that.. And I’m just sitting there like…. quiet.. until she talks about how she won’t give it 100%. How too much is going on that she’s spread too thin. 

Now.. How are you going to complain that I never helped you, make me feel like shit, when really you just didn’t want to be helped? I take this shit to heart and I am slowly realizing I can’t do that. Yes, I am trying to help clients help themselves but if they don’t want the help, it is out of my hands. I am already too hard on myself, I can’t take people’s lack of motivation as my own. I want to see these people succeed! I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not like what you see! I know what it feels like to put on clothes, not be able to fit in them, and hop back in bed and cry. I know tears. Tears fit nice, they just don’t look good. 

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To get better at writing, you have to write.

I’ve been wanting to write an update for awhile now, but with life I came up with just about every reason you could possible imagine as to why I didn’t have time.

School life work (the lack thereof), I mean, I feel like as if lately it’s been one thing after another. Now, y’all know I don’t mind the pressure and at some point, I have enjoyed the chaos, but when things are starting to take a true negative impact on your mood attitude or over all well being, that’s when something needs to be done. I always preach being proactive and not reactive but seldom take my own advice..

Until it’s too late, that is.

I don’t know what caused me to change my password so I could finally open up this app, but I don’t feel very positive or even in the mood to write. I have been super hard on myself when it comes to my writing. I want to write a book, and yet I can’t stay on top of a blog or proofread my writing without the fear of ‘select all delete’ action going on.. but here we are..

I feel like so much goes on in my life that I don’t see why I don’t write about it. Probably because unlike some people, who like to talk about their feelings, I don’t. Who likes to sit down and express emotions and rehash everything that would be much more pleasant being forgotten?
So bare with me while I take a stab at it..

I am one final away from completing my second full time semester here. I took some time off work, not intentional, but seems to have worked in my favor (well, in regards to school that is). I will be leaving the semester with straight A’s baby! So, not training 20+ people a day, has really helped me with staying on top of my school work. Two full time semesters to go and I can finally transfer, phew!

I came to the library after I sat down with one of my professors. I really wish I had recorded the conversation because it was just amazing to hear someone confident in me when even I can’t be. We obviously talked about my lack of confidence, but Rome sure wasn’t built in a day..

I will say that I am whole heartedly trying to be the best person I can be. I put a lot of energy into doing well this semester, being helpful and courteous.. That I truly proud of the woman I am growing up to be. I see the changes and the effort into discipline myself, and I cannot be happier.

Just a few hours ago, I took a test that I had previously failed twice. I tried taking a test of 700 pages in 72 hours. A week later, failed again. How? This was a test regarding information I am going to school for, and yet I was having the hardest time passing it. Well…

TODAY I PASSED!!! I went into confident as ever (though I will say the other two times I was just as confident and to be honest that’s crazy for me to even say with the amount of anxiety I get with taking tests), and passed by over 10%. I walked out of that building with a huge grin and couldn’t help but to continue to congratulate myself throughout the car ride home (This test was TOUGH, to say the least. But I now know what color different muscle fibers are and the degree of all angles of the body, if case any of y’all, or my clients, were interested).

I don’t know if it’s because I was never motivated or praised when I was younger, but I am learning to be my own biggest fan, and she’s a pretty dope chick to have around. 

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Opened eyes open hearts.

No, this post was not hacked. I’m just growing up. 

I find myself grinning from ear to ear inside, so no one knows. All they see is this poker face I display for the world to see. 

That’s all they get. I’m special. I know I am. I am going places in life and although I’ve been treading water for some time now, I have yet to exhaust all my efforts. 

My time will come. Until then, I am enjoying this road of self discovery. School is tough. Probably always will be considering I will continue attending full time and working full time.. But this won’t be forever. The projects I have due mainly involve life experiences, and in doing so, I am finding my life to be quite impressive. My mother was right, (okay Justine you were too), I don’t give myself enough credit. When I get stopped by random members at the gym and go into a little detail of my hectic life, their reactions alone make me aware of just how hard I am working. 

Clients in the morning, school for a few hours, then back to another location to train 8 or so clients. Everyday I clock in to one or another location. I find the 12 minute tan, or a late start of 11 on Fridays, to be my down time. I’m usually tired, can squeeze in a cat nap here and there.. But don’t mind being incredibly busy because I feel if I had nothing to do, I’d do just that.. nothing. At one point I felt worthless because I wasn’t doing anything with my time .. And now that I have none to spare, it makes you appreciate the simplest things.. (Or make you quite irritable when people don’t respect it). 

I thank God every day for finally opening my eyes.. my heart.. but more so my mind. The woman I am becoming is something to be proud of. 

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Not for nothing.

I’m going to start documenting more of my daily experiences. I feel like so much goes on through out my day that most of it is worth noting.

Like how whenever I step foot into an –fitness, I am stopped quite frequently. I haven’t been to the Waukegan location in a while because of relationship issues, but more so because I was told I had to pick one location. Why they would risk my clients being upset, is beyond me but very like this company. It’s me who isn’t benefiting from working multiple locations. Time, gas, money.. I mean, I get paid $6 (before this “big time” promotion. Yes you read that right), me going to Waukegan to train, doesn’t make much sense. But I do it, why? Because my clients truly are everything. 

So when I visit these locations, an hour and half early to squeeze a workout in, I get stopped a lot. Out of the 90 minutes I had to myself, atleast 45 of those were used to talk to members, answer questions, bring them up to speed with my life or help them with theirs… Some of them geniunely care about my well being and that, THAT is why I do this. Shit pay, living pay check to pay check while I park my car that’s breaking down daily next to the sports cars of these sales guys. These “general managers” have it pretty nice doing nothing while they leave for the day in a brand new car. I barely get time to eat or go the bathroom because I’m booked back to back, yet anyone else gets to leave whenever, put their feet up while they play FarmVille or some other addicting game they’re wasting their time on. I have zero incentive to work here. Took a huge pay cut, I have no insurance, and the company could give a shit about me. It’s disheartening, to say the least. 

So when I have random members compliment me on the work that I’m doing, although it doesn’t pay the bills, it does more for me than money ever will. Take today for example, before I even finished my workout I had 4 members walk up and start conversations. Some about where I’ve been, other complimenting how “good I look”.. But the ones that truly stick with me are the ones that see me and my clients working together. “I’ve been watching you, you are a great trainer”, “this club needs more people like you”.. Those comments (the acknowledgement), make the shitty pay and long hours so worth it. One day this will all make sense. 

She’s baaaack!

I was going to write a pretty personal post but realized I need a little more time to gather my thoughts. The post will be extreme but my voice should be heard, regardless of possible backlash. 

So before we even scratch the surface, a little look into why I’ve been mia..

I started school full time. I had plans to post my reflections when the semester ended, but clearly FB and ig and doing nothing with my time when I could be writing, is (or was) more important. I’m hoping that changes. Even with a few more writing classes than last semester, I don’t want to use that as an excuse. I want to write. I want the motivation back to write. I am extremely excited about becoming a better writer.. But the start to becoming better at writing, is to write.

I’m here, alive and well.. I suppose. Besides a bruised foot from dropping a weight on it, due to not paying attention for the mere fact I was huffing and puffing because no one reracks their weights.. no one. Except me of course😛.. But outside of that, I’m holding up pretty well. 

Another semester has begun so I’m barely into the whole mix of things. Still full time, but already can tell these classes are no joke. I just have to be on my toes. I thought I could skate by last semester, just doing the work.. Still participating and fully active, but I could have done more. Luckily for me, I was placed on the honor roll again, even after an honest mistake took place. Long story short, I started working full time (training clients which is rewarding, yet exhausting) while preparing for finals. It was a dumb decision in which I took a huge pay cut (to work more for a company that doesn’t give a shit about me), all the while taking my energy away from school, the true desire I have to achieve. Anyways, I had a pretty long paper due and that’s where most of my time was spent doing. While revising the paper, I realized I had a two page paper due in 20 minutes which just so happened to be the same topic as the much longer paper. So, my smart ass improvising self did, was take a snippet of the longer paper and use it for the paper that was due shortly. Now, I complain a lot due to the lack of common sense people have, but in no way shape or form did I think what I was doing was wrong. Dumb yes, illegal hell no. After all, it was my own work. A little later down the road, okay 24 hours later.. It kept me up at night. I turned in the paper, but started thinking. This was for an ETHICS class. Not only was what I did ethically wrong, I felt it was disrespectful to the teacher and ever since I have hurt people in my life, I vowed to become a better person not only for myself but for society. So, with a guilty conscious wearing thin, I emailed the teacher. I told her what I had done, apologized and told her I’d gladly accept the zero. Well, she thanked me for the honesty and did in fact give me the zero which ironically took me from a high b to barely passing with a 5% (with extra credit, I received a low B as a final grade), all for making the right decision. It hurt me, but it was my own fault and I have no one else to blame. Although I could have gotten away with it, it was something that should have never been done in the first place. Lesson learned. So apologies that that was not in fact a long story short, but you came here to read right?🙂

Something else worth noting, one of my professors (who I now meet with regularly), has become such a great influence in my life and has truly made me excited for school. She is a teacher that WANTS you to succeed. Tough as shit, but truly amazing. She one time called me brilliant before I had to write my first paper for her, and y’all should know I don’t edit because I’m so not confident anymore about my writing, that you can just imagine the pressure I had writing it? Complete and utter shit show to say the least.. 

That was the extent of last semester. I took it with a grain of salt and realized I’m spreading myself pretty thin. Even with being a full time student, I took on more clients (okay I doubled my clientele), which should be a good thing.. However, I’ve bitched long enough about this company (and how I am busting my ass for zero appreciation, though 12/13 I received my first thank you in 3 years) so you know how I feel, so get this. My job was almost in the air after a random member accused me of calling a client a bitch. Laughable .. Excuse me? I swear we all know that.. But my clients are the ONLY reason I stay where I’m at. I legit have zero incentive of working for this company besides creating these genuine and incredible relationships with my clients. Why would I ever do such a thing? After I asked my “boss” if that came from my clients mouth he said no and wouldn’t tell me who from. After saying I have more customer service issues with another said couple, I flipped. I walked away and was stopped by yet another member. He goes, “not for nothing, but the guy with the backwards bears hat snitched on you”.. I was floored. I had never seen this guy in my life before. That was besides the point, after I texted both people in question, I screenshotted the conversations. They couldn’t believe what was going on and said they “loved me as not only a trainer but as a person”. I sent the conversations to my boss saying, thanks for believing/trusting me. Told me he’d tell me on Monday if I was still employed. Monday, he texts me saying he’ll give me another chance. Excuse me again? I’ll give this company another chance is more like it.. Come Tuesday, they promoted me. Okay let’s not get excited, they’re just giving me the pay they once took, back. Fantastic. Thanks so much..

Smh. Nothing else is really coming to mind.. Except I have never had so many clients motivated and excited to do the work that’s in front of them. When they get excited for meeting their protein goal, or wanting to learn to do regular push ups, it literally makes my heart happy. I just hope my experiences that will now be made public, can help the rest of the world unfuck itself.  

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Some days, it has to be about you.

Physically this is easy, mentally.. No one can prepare you for that. Picking up weights, following a “diet”.. Weighing your food, popping pill after pill.. That shit.. That shits easy. You can follow any “cookie cutter” routine you’d like written by any top dog in the industry.. Shits science. What they don’t tell you, is how insane the trip could be ( that is if you’re serious not just having a PT/coach because it sounds cool. Not to just lose a few pounds. I’m talking life changing goals outside of any comfort zone you have ever allowed yourself to be in). It takes consistency, even on your worse days. It takes dedication, even when you fail to see the destination. They don’t tell you that at your lowest low you might actually find yourself. This journey isn’t just about fitness. This journey is about being well, in every aspect of your life. You will see how working on yourself, gives you a whole new meaning. 

  
This photo was taken 2 days ago and I can’t stop starring. Call me vain, but I am just incredibly proud. I’m actually sitting up in the picture and was amazed at the photo I ended up taking. You see, I have tons of girls photos saved on my phone (I’d give a guy a run for his money), and use them as motivation for the day week month or even minute.. but it wasn’t until I took this picture did I ever think “that’s me?” ..Me? Somehow through all of this, I found my motivation, ME!

Now, even though life has still got me on my tippy toes, I haven’t lost sight of the end goal. I started school full time and work is picking back up, but everyday I find a way to improve myself. Whether it be this blog post or an extra push up I didn’t want to do but did, I am giving this my all because 

I lost myself a long time ago, and this journey to finding her, might just save my life.

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Dr. Bruce Lipton

“The moment you change your perception, is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your body”.

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Barely scratching the surface. 

My life is a disaster (imagine that) but I look like I have my shit together. I am quite possibly in the best shape of my life, and it’s probably from treading water for 25 years. I am however staying positive (with an occasional hiccup here and there), and I believe that’s why I’ve managed to stay afloat. 

I am currently eating around 2200 calories a day. No cycling (nutrition wise) just keeping my macros constant and my sugar low. The biggest thing I have changed is, I’ve added spinning into my program. I am addicted. I am on a 30 day streak and my goal is 9 more till my birthday (8/14). That will bring my total of spin classes starting from 6/14-8/14 to 54 rides in 2 months. Adding that type of “cardio” has completely shaped my body. Now, before I say anything else I want to comment on how cardio is not the answer, it’s only part of the equation. It should compliment your routine not complicate it. Meaning, don’t over do it if your nutrition sucks. I’m serious. 

Under eating and over working will not work in your favor. It might on the scale side of things, but the scale is meaningless. The scale is only important in the fact that you need it for the sole purpose of calculating your body fat percentage. I am the heaviest I have ever been (sitting around 150#), but in the best shape I’ve ever been in.       
..With that being said, I’m working on a project. It’s my last attempt to give this fitness industry a try. I’ve been in it for awhile and slowly losing patience for people who find having a personal trainer as something to brag about instead of a tool for getting healthier. No one wants to put in the work, I take that back. People WILL do the work, yet won’t budge on their “diet”. It’s impossible to out train a bad one. I tried. Eating crap made me feel like crap. I still looked decent but I was weak and sluggish. My legs felt heavy and I was constantly tired. All I am trying to do is spread my knowledge to whoever will listen and take charge of their lives. I want people to give a shit. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, yall have been with me through it all, so I know it’s not always a walk in the park. However, coming to see me for a training session smelling like McDonald’s, is probably not going to yield you the results you’re looking for. I don’t mind ups and downs because Id be naive to think otherwise, but I don’t want people to give up. I don’t want people to waste my time. It’s annoying and I take way too much pride in this to be disrespected. 

I’m struggling, in and out but I will not give up. Who the fuck is with me? 

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Thinking thoughts on purpose. 

I am learning to give myself permission to become who I was meant to be. Because all this time I’ve been fighting myself, my own true worst enemy. And although the battle is yet to be over, I have found a new strength in me. With having faith and truly believing, THAT is what was key -MC

 …and that came out of no where. I haven’t written something that rhymed in forever. Nor was it meant to.. I was inspired to post so early this morning after I heard the best lesson of my life. It’s the first morning in two weeks that I didn’t need to set an alarm. Around 830am I turned the TV on. What made me click on Joel Osteen, I have no clue, but there was a reason I did. That service was meant for me. I cried majority of the time which was picked up in the background when I recorded the sermon, cute. But I was speechless. The title of this blog is a quote he said that will forever be embedded in me. I cannot live a positive life with a negative mind. There’s just no way around it. 

I am changing and it’s beautiful. 

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