Day 48-52 For someone who doesn’t like excuses, I sure have a shit ton.

Ah. Jeez. So sorry.

😦

I wish I had like a reasonable excuse as to why it has been 5 days since my last post, but I don’t.

Friday I completed my blog (it was boring, so its sitting unpublished lol), and did my 45 min of cardio that night.
Saturday morning I woke up (1130) and did 30 min of cardio on an empty stomach, and sort of rushed the rest of the time.

Around 1230 (after showering and eating) I headed out on a mini road trip, so for the weekend day 48/49 will be better off explained via pictures πŸ™‚

So Sunday I get back. Apparently I ate BBQ chips the night before 😦 and a lot more alcohol then I had wanted too :/ So I was a little weird about that. So what do I do? Eat like shit. Why? The only excuse I could come up with is I was hungover. So I ate, nothing too bad but a whole lot of nothing healthy.

Part of Mondays Binge.

Monday comes along. I feel like shit still. Haven’t been sleeping. Start day 2 of binge.

Enter embarrassing details here.

Tuesday comes along. I feel like shit still, only one to blame is myself. That and fucking pot. Start day 3 of binge.

Enter even more embarrassing details here.

Wednesday comes along. I still feel like shit. I knew I was going to feel like shit. I am SO FUCKING OVER IT.

I have been driving home in silence lately.. trying to figure out my ways of self destruction. I literally talk myself through it. I KNOW what I am doing. I KNOW how I will feel afterwards.. and what..? I still do it?

That makes a whole lot of fucking sense doesn’t it?
no?

YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK.

Yet I have no excuse. And No I do not want comments saying its okay and todays a new day and shit like that because I know that.. I am not ruining today because of yesterdays..and the day before that were complete and utter shit. No.. I am simply trying to talk my way through this feeling/emotion/lack of dopamine/ whatever the fuck it is, I am trying to U N D E R S T A N D it. Because I don’t.

My mom thought it was because I like to punish myself. FUCK THAT. Why would I LIKE to punish myself? I feel like shit. I treat people like shit when I feel like shit. I get angry when really I am sad inside. and quite frankly I have YET to find joy in my pain/punishment.

I have yet to find a balance 😦 but as God is my witness, I will work each and everyday to try and find it πŸ™‚

So today is Wednesday. I am on spring break from school (big deal lol) so I am going to leave work my usual 30-45min early just so I can get to the gym faster.
I am ready again. GO HARD.

But is it not bizarre that technically I “fell off” exactly 1.5 months in, exactly half way through? lol….. hmmmmm…. It’s allllll good.. I just have to step it up a bit and go fucking tanning. I swear if you are ever self conscious about your body, so spray tanning. Everyone looks good tan. I. am. not. kidding.

and I think I am FINALLY going to get my nails done :):) Its been WAY too long, but I am finally not broke haha.. My reimbursement for school came yesterday WITH MY INCOME TAXES BACK!!! HOLLLLAAAAAAAA… to bad I owe like $500 to people lol.. ol well.. 😦 That’s the price you pay for having fun lol..

but back to the basics.

745am This is now my wake up time. Exactly 15 min to get ready, and 15 min to walk Marley and make a protein shake lol. This was my beautiful baby this morning..

830am HALF OF A PROTEIN SHAKE, I gave the other half to my car. 1 scoop myofusion (nasty kind, DEF picking some good shit up today).Β  1/2 TBS Coconut Oil, and some c. shreds Ice and Water.

11am Snacked on 1/2 chicken breast and a CCCD Lara Bar.

and possibly some almonds.. look at all the fun stuff I got at Walgreens.. Seriously me with money is NOT good, especially because I need to go to GNC and I finally get to buy my MUSCLE EGGSSS!!! HELLLLLL YEAH! I need to get Glutamine and another jug of myofusion πŸ™‚

The almonds are on sale for Buy 1 Get 1 Free πŸ™‚ Like I said when I put the pic on instagram, careful they are ADDICTING!!!!

2pm Finishing 1/2 chicken breast and some more almonds. I will eat more later when I leave at 415ish

FINALLY FUCKING BOUGHT MUSCLE EGG!!!!!! HELLLLLL YEAH!! Cost me $75 but its chocolate EGG WHITES!!!

and then went to GNC after work and bought $55 worth of protein and a multi vitamin and 2 turbo teas πŸ™‚ Picture will be in tomorrows blog.. πŸ™‚

730pm

THE WORKOUT:

LEGGGSSSS FOR DAYYYYYYSSSS

Leg Press– Actually no.. I didn’t do leg press.. retard sally cakes thinks the gym is a playground and just chit chat BY the machine. Cool story bro.

Lunges– Only had 30lb DB in hand.. 2×20 reps=

100 TOTAL LUNGES!!

Squats– Went into studio for these.

15lb DB x 10 followed by
BW x 10

5 Min of Planks All supersetted. Sweating like a beast by now..

Leg Ext- Started with 135lbs lol. Maxxed out at 155lb.

Calf Raises 3×12 25lbs (my calves were cramping)

No cardio.

845pm Chipotle πŸ™‚ Nuff said.

930pm Went to talk with a friend about a super big move that may take place soon πŸ™‚ deets hopefully soon.

1130pm Had an AMAZING shake with the new products I got. Simply in LOVE with this flavor.

1/2c almond milk, almond butter, dymatize protein powder, a powder multi vitamin, ice and blend. So it sounds like its chocolate peanut butter but it has a WHOLE different taste, and its FANTASTIC πŸ™‚

1145pm Went to update blog and my battery died.. So, sorry it’s just coming out now.. and I promise I wont go another week without updating lol.

Goodnight ❀

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8 thoughts on “Day 48-52 For someone who doesn’t like excuses, I sure have a shit ton.

  1. jlgentry says:

    I have no advice. Been there. Now, I let myself break the rules more frequently, so I don’t “binge” or totally fall off. That’s why I drink some beers on days when I have long runs or when I am just tired. A little, more frequent slip now keeps me from making a big one later.

    Oh shit. This does sound like advice. Tell me to fuck off.

    jlg

    • ohshititsmar says:

      haha I wouldn’t tell you to fuck off.. its weird though…. i allow myself to have whatever I want when I want…. but its the feeling of feeling “ugly” or “fat” its so bizarre.. My triggers ARENT food…. its HOW I feel BEFORE I binge…. :(:(:( I don’t know.. but I am working on it.. thank you for your comment.. hope all is well.

      • jlgentry says:

        Assuming your avatar is really you, there is no need to worry about fat. ‘Course, I’m not in your mind. When I get like that I put on the running gear and go til I am spent. That always seems to get me back in touch the my core. But, I’m a run junkie.

      • ohshititsmar says:

        I should do that.. the whole running thing.. I really think I would be golden if every workout was done in the morning… still if I want to binge I will….. no work out or no set of abs will stop me.. but I think I am okay.. Yes that avatar is me, but I’m 10 lbs heavier… But I am about 6 and 1/2 weeks out from another show.. so bare with me :):):)

      • jlgentry says:

        For me running is more than exercise. It has saved me many times and helped me find answers. Most of all, it is always there for me. I hope you do discover it and the joy it can bring. Or something like it.

      • ohshititsmar says:

        True.. Ive a little iffy with running (sometimes it can cause more damage then good), however I thought quitting smoking (ALMOST 3 MONTHS!!!!!), would help in being able to run but NOPE.. still cant run. I haven’t practiced or trained but my breathing is all fucked up. 😦 lol… I will do one marathon in my life though, just watch! πŸ˜‰

      • jlgentry says:

        I’ll be rooting for you when you do that run. Run easy. Run smooth. Run free. Don’t worry about time. Go kick some ass today!

      • ohshititsmar says:

        ❀ thank you very much!

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