My Burden is Easing.

She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she’s running from wants to give up and lie down.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground

This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that’s to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as I rise above, my burden is easing

I am almost ready to get back in the gym again. I am stocking up on all my lovely products (Quest Bar, Myofusion, and Dymatize Protein Powders..Still have to get Nuts n’ more and PB2). It is super nice not worrying about morning cardio or your meals every 2 or 3 hours on the hour.. (yes I will continue to eating hourly but these last few days Ive just focused on when I am hungry.. which hasn’t been often because I feel like I am permanently bloated from the last few days of cheats haha)..
  1. Progress Pictures WILL be up shortly.. I just wanted to find a cool way of doing it but that was a fail and now I am just using an excuse to validate my procrastination.
  2. Recipes/ Workouts/ Food Log will be posted like prior format Monday (21st).
  3. I want my pinterest account shown on my homepage.. possible?
How do I feel? I feel fat. I have eaten whatever I wanted for the last 3 and 1/2 days and I just feel it weighing me down. I have taken this week and actually have been really enjoying myself. I have 3 months till my birthday and I want to look PROUD. Yes, proud. It took 3 months for me to get where I am now and I just know that the next 3 months in the gym are going to be SICK.. haha.. I don’t think you understand how excited I am for life to be in the happy lane.. .lol. I am a dork (I actually hate this word.. and I seem to get called it a lot….. not to mention a dork is a whale’s penis but its like so.. innocent.. not innocent but geeky? lol).. whatever.. but in all honestly I am ready to live life happy is all I meant by that weird ass sentence..
But yes this week I have been super relaxed and completely stress free. Yes I still obsess about the fact that I now “jiggle” lmfao.. but I am embracing it. Everyone knows what I’ve been through and have been SUPER cool about everything and by everything I mean about me binging.. IN PUBLIC!! hahahahaha no joke. This is super unhealthy by the way, but I was literally forcing food in me. Not even just unhealthy but rather disgusting lol. But its been fun (and super uncomfortable). I have been to some really cool places and have had a smile on my face since this past weekend. It’s lovely 🙂
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT all this food and every last minute of the sugar high and prego bloat is NOT worth looking in the mirror and LOVING what you see when you stand there naked. No joke. It may or may not mean a lot to you guys, and that’s most likely because you have never actually been completely satisfied, but it changes things. (Not to forget that busting ass in the gym is rewarding yes, but most of the time it SUCKS and it’s PAINFUL and it takes what seems like a really fucking LONG TIME to show sings of progress!!!) The confidence and security you gain is magical. I have been fighting for YEARS, and I can’t say I won or found some cure but I found happiness. There are still so many aspects of my life I want to change but loving myself was first.
&& Thank you everyone for the sweet sweettttt comments.  I get super cheesy and emotional ALL the time, but I’ll say it again.. I appreciate everyone who takes their time to read what I blatantly don’t proofread or filter out and still find a positive message within.. and comment with a compliment. I smile so much when I see my email filled with people who found some sort of peace when reading my rants. I really do want to extend my hand and offer anyone help in anyway that I possibly can.. please feel free to email me at anytime:

eyesquat@gmail.com

We’ll all get there one day. Faith my friends.
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