Tomorrow you said yesterday.

730am Sunday Morning..


Had thoughts about not caring about what I eat today (I am currently on a two week “binge”). I think the reason for this is because I normally start on Mondays, the beginning of the week. Or on an even numbered day. Yes. I had bad OCD when I was in the midst of my eating disordered days. I was an even girl. Volume on the TV was the worst :/ Oh, that and counting my steps. Probably why I ALWAYS look down.. I don’t know nor do I care to go in depth because I am over it 🙂
 
Off topic once again (my ADD lol) I don’t want to. I want to feel sexy again.
 
Now listen, I’m not fat, and I haven’t gained THAT much weight back from a few weeks ago..BUT I am in the uncomfortable stage..which I think I should set limits to (WHICH IS NOT GOOD I MIGHT ADD!). I don’t know my weight and I don’t think I would weigh myself till I KNEW the number would be acceptable..(yes I am starting to sound like I use too)..but honestly bare with me. Before back when I binged, I ate so much and was so uncomfortable bloated that I honestly thought the only thing I could do was puke it up. But I would ALWAYS stop myself. I thought that if I started back with my old tendencies that it would be like when I quit smoking cigs, one day I ONLY HAD A DRAG and I bought a pack the next day (thanks Meredith you asshole!)..but thats what I thought. I thought if I stuck my fingers down my throat that I would fall back to my bulimic days. Which I think I am still suffering from..my acid reflux has never been the same, but the biggest thing is the enamel on my teeth.It is literally stripped (I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I was told I had gum cancer..because I could press on my gums and they’d bleed).
 
Alright I am getting off topic ONCE again. Today is going to be prep day. My sister is leaving for her dads today so I can finally get all organized again. My meals will for the most part be all cooked. Well see how much I even got on my last Whole Foods trip. I am so broke right now it is actually getting a little scary. After the competition, then this damnlawyer shit..it’s all my fault but it sucks. I am literally working for free right now. Fuck anyways.. My personal life is affecting my overall fitness goals and that sucks. I am trying to separate the two, and after my court date I think I am going to definitely make the right changes in order to do so.

The Food Log

8am 1/2 cup greek yogurt with 1 tbs almond butter on a piece of ezekiel bread.
11am PB and J Quest Bar.
2pm- Any protein veggie mix (could have a carb if I'd like).
530pm- Protein and veggie mix.
9pm- Caesin Shake .
Yes I know I posted this and its not the end of the day but it’s sunday and I can control what meals I have and when. This will be my food log for the day. I just wanted to send out the blog before noon, hopefully get more followers asking questions :):)

The Workout

Hack Squat
5 sets total 12,12,10,8,8
Supersetted with
Wall Sits
5 sets total 30-45 seconds each.
Front Squat
50lb start, rep till failure
Superset w/Single Legged Squat
BW 8-10 reps EACH leg
Leg Ext
85lbs ^
 


Staying positive for the next few days to come. Will take it day by day, but I know I'll get there.
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One thought on “Tomorrow you said yesterday.

  1. I know you’ll get there, too, girl! Thank you for sharing, and being so honest and vulnerable to us.

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