I want this new year to start off right. I want this new year to be MY year. The year I show not only to other people but more importantly to myself that I can do this and continue to do it.
It? What’s “it” exactly?
It would be my dedication, my motivation, my will to succeed. “It” would be my hard work, my happiness within myself.
I have come along way, fallen off a few times, but I am currently in the right direction. The past 2 weeks I have really put myself first and have gotten in the gym every day, only to see more and more progress which leads me to wanting “this” so much more. It makes you realize that you CAN do this, that you can make a difference. Like I’ve said before the beginning is the hardest but once you get passed the few hurdles I promise things will look up.
What I plan on doing this new year is to really put forth the effort and compete again come March 30. I want this new year to really be my “road to ripped“.
I want to take you fellow readers into my life of competition, the good the bad and the ugly. I want people to experience something that they may be afraid to do. Not only that, I want to show everyone the transformation that could happen if they just put the effort in.
Yes the effort.. the effort, the time, the discipline, and let me tell you once again.. it is SO worth it.
So instead of my rants and raves I’ve decided to actually write something worth reading.. something a lot of people are wondering about.. something a lot of people don’t understand. Carbohydrates.
The reason for this post was because of last nights creep session. I was scrolling thru my instagram feed and saw a post a girl wrote and in the comments she wrote about how she stops eating carbs after 3pm and to stay away from bananas. Now.. let one thing be clear, we are ALL different and so are our bodies. So yes, what may be good for me may not be good for you. With that being said, all I want to do is enlighten one regarding carbohydrates.
A few years ago when I started personal training, I instantly began to research and ask questions. Everything from a training routine to different diets. Obviously Google is one of my best friends, but everything you read on the internet isn’t always entirely true and can be very misleading. However, any information was better than no information. So I took to researching, writing and printing all the information I found that would be useful. At this point I started training for my first bikini contest. I decided to do it on my own with no trainer like they suggest. I figured I had this shit down. Little did I know.. that I knew very little.
The closer I got to the show, the less foods I was “told” to consume. Carrots, for example, became off-limits and I started forming really bad habits. I barely ate carbs and consumed about double the recommended protein for my body weight. I worked out 6 days a week and was up to 90 minutes of cardio everyday. I was moody, tired, and my work outs began slacking. I was always used to forbidding food (I was anorexic at one time, turned into bulimia and then binge eating after my first competition), so categorizing foods as good and bad was nothing new.
It wasn’t until my second contest prep where I sought the help of a new found figure competitor at the gym I was working at. She tried explaining that in order to “grow” I needed these good carbs. Good Carbs? There is such a thing? Yes, yes there is.
Don’t be misled by fad diets that make blanket pronouncements on the dangers of carbohydrates. They provide the body with fuel it needs for physical activity and for proper organ function, and they are an important part of a healthy diet. But some kinds of carbohydrates are far better than others.
Choose the best sources of carbohydrates—whole grains (the less processed, the better), vegetables, fruits and beans—since they promote good health by delivering vitamins, minerals, fiber, and a host of important phytonutrients. Skip the easily digested refined carbohydrates from refined grains—white bread, white rice, and the like— as well as pastries, sugared sodas, and other highly processed foods, since these may contribute to weight gain, interfere with weight loss, and promote diabetes and heart disease.
Not all carbohydrates are created equal and there is a glycemic index (please google) for that:
The glycemic index, or glycaemic index, (GI) provides a measure of how quickly blood sugar levels (i.e. levels of glucose in the blood) rise after eating a particular type of food. The effects that different foods have on blood sugar levels vary considerably. The glycemic index estimates how much each gram of available carbohydrate (total carbohydrate minus fiber) in a food raises a person’s blood glucose level following consumption of the food, relative to consumption of pure glucose. Glucose has a glycemic index of 100.
Now, I don’t want to confuse anyone. I know it can get that way at times, but I HIGHLY suggest you do your research. Again, what may work for you may not work for another. The reason I really wanted to get this out there is because I was misinformed. I stopped eating carbohydrates altogether. I labeled CARROTS as a BAD food for goodness sakes! You live and learn but I also learned the hard way.
As your primary fuel source, carbohydrates are important to your body. If you hope to perform to your potential during athletic activity, you must adjust your carb intake to match your energy output — too many carbs can lead to fat gain, and too few carbs can leave you sluggish and fatigued. That said, it is important to gradually self-adjust until you find the amount that works best for you and your workout.
So don’t go crazy.. EAT the GOOD carbohydrates. It’s the “bad” ones that you need to stay away from. The ones that are heavily processed and full of sugar. THAT’S what you should be “scared” of. Not bananas because their high in sugar (yes bananas are one of the highest sugar/carb count but they are FULL of nutrients). I would never completely take out a wholesome food from my diet. Instead, I know that eating a banana early in the morning gives me the best chance to be able to use its nutrients instead of being stored as “fat” (sugar IS sugar), or after a workout where my body will utilize it. It is all about understanding foods not giving up on them.
Here is a great article from live strong that I will leave you with:
Some popular diets such as the Atkins diet demonize carbohydrates, claiming that eating carbohydrates leads to weight gain. The Merck manual says carbohydrates are a very important part of a person’s diet because they provide energy to the body. While some carbohydrates are very healthy, others may, in fact, lead to weight gain. It is important to understand the distinction between refined carbohydrates and unrefined carbohydrates.
Refined and Unrefined
The Merck manual explains that refined carbohydrates are highly processed. The fiber and many nutrients in refined carbohydrates have been stripped out. Refined carbohydrates–such as white bread, cake and candy–are essentially empty calories, which may lead to excess weight gain. Unrefined carbohydrates–such as brown rice, fruits and vegetables–contain fiber and many vitamins and minerals. They tend to stabilize blood sugar levels and promote a healthy weight.
Whole grains include 100 percent whole wheat bread, whole grain barley, brown rice, buckwheat, bulgur, quinoa, oats and corn. The National Institutes of Health recommends that 40 percent to 60 percent of a person’s diet come from carbohydrates, mostly unrefined carbohydrates containing whole grains. Whole grains include all three parts of the grain: the bran, endosperm and germ. Each part has distinct nutritional benefits.
Fruits such as bananas, apples and berries are simple carbohydrates in that they are digested fairly quickly by the body. Fruits are unrefined, though, so they contain many important nutrients. Fruits are considered to be a good carbohydrate because they are packed with vitamins and minerals and have fiber to help you feel full.
Beans, lentils, dried peas and peanuts are all examples of legumes, which are good carbohydrates according to the Merck manual because they contain protein to help you feel full. They are also full of fiber and rich in vitamins and minerals. The many nutritional benefits and the fact that they are unrefined make legumes a healthy carbohydrate choice.
The category of white carbohydrates encompasses many different foods such as white bread, white rice and white pasta. These foods are considered to be bad carbohydrates, which should be limited in a healthy diet. The National Institutes of Health says refined carbohydrates such as white bread and white rice may increase the risk of diabetes and lead to weight gain.
Any foods that contain sugar–such as candy, chocolates, cake, muffins and cookies–are refined carbohydrates. These foods are bad carbohydrates that should be limited because they have no nutritional value whatsoever. They provide empty calories, and the National Institutes of Health says empty calories from refined carbohydrates may lead to obesity.
Eat to live, don’t live to eat. Enjoy eating healthy, google recipes, eat wholesome foods and get moving and I promise your life can change. It’s hard at first but is so worth it. Just educate yourself don’t just listen to someone because their in “great shape”. Trust me, starving yourself will make you lose weight but is far from healthy.
After another shit show of a weekend I am done contemplating my relationship with Mike. Even after all the bullshit we have been through, I am done worrying. I am done over thinking, over analyzing, simply wasting my time. I am done with it all. I have finally come to the conclusion that we are with out a doubt 100% in love with each other. I obviously know he loves me and that I love him, but after this weekend I feel it.. Most likely because we get put in situations where he professes his love for me time and time again, but the reassurance is so comforting it takes all the doubt away.
I won’t go into the details of our little rendezvous but just know that it was well worth it.
Besides that, my weekend was actually pretty decent. Friday night I just went to the gym for a little bit then came home and passed out around 1120pm. Saturday woke up around 7am in time to wake the boyfriend up to head to the shop by 8. After he was taken care of, I usually pass back out but instead I tidied up a bit and headed back to the gym. I am finally starting to see progress which always makes me a little happy inside and always a good start to my constant need of motivation. After the gym I finished up my laundry and took an hour power nap. Woke up and headed out to Ashley’s house. Picked her up and went to Target for a few things I needed to get for Christmas presents. We are the worst when it comes to shopping.. we literally want e v e r y t h i n g (example: see photo below) 😉
See? New slippers from Target 🙂
Meaning we looked around the entire store at which point my stomach was getting painfully hungry. She had ideas of pizza and obviously had she caught me at a “idgaf” time I would of agreed, however I wanted to stay clean. We went to Jason’s Deli and I got a whole wheat wrap with turkey and tomatoes (ranch on the side) with some steamed veggies.
We then went back to her place and just chilled for a few hours while we figured out what we wanted to do. Her brother and some friends were going bowling but I wasn’t about to decline plans with my boyfriend to hang out with a bunch of guys.. that sure as fuck wouldn’t of went down smoothly so instead we waited till around 10pm to get ready to go out to a bar a town or two over. She ended up curling my hair (I have naturally curly hair and hate it.. so the entire time I was said she can’t get pissed if I don’t like it haha).. but I did and it looked cute even if my outfit didn’t.. (I wasn’t planning on going out so yes.. I looked like a scumbag). We left around 1130pm and met up with my boyfriend and a few of his friends. Ashley wasn’t drinking and I didn’t plan on it.. but of course I took a shot.. then another.. but only ended up taking 4 which is good for me.
The boyfriend and I at the Donkey Inn on Saturday.
After the spiff we encountered, I got home around 6am and passed out instantly, fully clothed and all. Slept till 2pm then headed home. I didn’t eat anything till my boyfriend came over around 6pm when we went to a sushi place down the street. We ordered about 4 rolls and was actually pretty happy with the place.
The 3rd from the left, nikko, was our favorite.
After dinner, he likes something sweet, so we headed about 10 miles away to get some frozen yogurt. Always a good time with the boyfriend (fat kids at heart). Went back to my place and we had a quiet evening. Over all the weekend went well and nothing to complain about.
Berry Simple Frozen Yogurt ❤
I am however super excited for another week to kick my ass in the gym so Mondays aren’t all that bad anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love not doing anything but I’ve said before, when I get motivated it’s game over. All I want to do is prep my meals and slave away at the gym day in and day out. It’s a natural high and I feel so great and accomplished the next morning. See.. THIS is the cycle that I need, not the one I’ve been accustomed to lately. But nothing to worry about, I got this shit.
I really do.. I hate that it runs out, that its never guaranteed, and more often than not a pain in the ass to wait for.
Actually.. its always a pain in the ass to wait for. Birthdays, Christmas, starting over after a binge, can never come soon enough!
Now that was actually a pretty lame way to starting this post, mostly because I have about 420 people talking to me and always lose my train of thought every time the phone rings (this is why I need wifi at home). I really didn’t even have much to write about, even pertaining to the introduction of this post but I think its because I cheated HARD this weekend (with the boyfriend, OF COURSE) and know that its going to take a solid week to get back to where I was.. (this is a hard pill for me to swallow. The hardest part about getting to where I want to be is time. I need to be patient and understand that yes the few workouts I do will be my body getting back into things but as long as I keep going I will be one day closer than I was. I need to EMBRACE this not use it as another excuse to binge and skip workouts) 😦 BUT!! not only did I cheat this weekend but I messed up my back last Thursday. I have a feeling of what exercise did it but it didn’t hurt till a few hours later when I got to my boyfriends house. It was a BAD pain that shot down around my lower spine. I ended up getting teary eyed (one because I am gay and always cry, but two because it actually really fucking hurt! Your back is EVERYTHING and having a messed up back would sure as FUCK ruin any lifting goals I may or may not have had) but I was able to fall asleep and stay asleep which is nice. It hurt the next day but seemed to be getting better the next days after that (thank you God!).. Haven’t been to the gym since.
Mostly because I didn’t want to ruin it any progress being made (better to take precaution before its too late), but mostly because I am one lazy s.o.b.. however lately I have been really going hard (probably the cause of my back pain), and eating clean because of the progress I have been seeing (throw that out the window since this past weekend.. oh brother).. but will definitely be continuing that tonight after work. I really want this and I plan on proving just that. The first two solid weeks I am going to lie low for a bit, getting into the gym around 90 min a day, but after xmas I want to start getting up early and doing cardio. I want to really kick some ass.
I have also been wanting to make some minor changes in my life. I want to quit this job and be in the field that I enjoy, one that brings true happiness. I think that’s my start. My boyfriend is leaving soon and as PROUD as I am for him I am jealous that I continue to allow myself to work here. I don’t want to rush and I don’t want to settle (like I did in the first place) but I know that I can’t stay here for long. The shit this place does to you mentally and emotionally is beyond fucked up. BUT that is another story. I am super stoked for the boyfriend to make this change as it will be 10x better for him. He will be much happier, busier, and will be treated like they give a damn. He does great work and I think its time he starts getting paid what he deserves.. so kudos to you baby && yes, we all know I will be super upset the day that it comes (yes we work together), but I couldn’t be happier for him.
Another minor thing is I want to be more organized (food wise, workouts, life in general). I used to be known as the clean one, the one that always had her shit together. Now.. not so much. I think I have a small case of the ADD’s.. No joke.. My car is always a fucking pig sty my room is never that much better. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?? So obviously I am a little upset about this and WILL be proactive so one day I can relieve some of the stress that comes along with being a fucking mess.
The last thing, which is most important, is working on myself. Obviously this blog is steered in that direction but even so it doesn’t truly make a difference. What I want to do is too FOCUS. I tend to over think about everything in my life and I think this is where I come too dependent on Mike. I spend all this time focusing on him and us that I forget about myself sometimes. I want to go back to when it was easy, I mean it still is but being with someone, someone I truly adore, does make life a little more interesting to say the least 😉 We have fun though and always enjoy each others company so I suppose I need to take the good with the bad (or just find a balance. The damn mystery of life).
Long story short, I just need to take the time out and just breathe. Everything in my life is great and if it isn’t its no ones fault but my own. Starting today I want to take responsibility for my actions and really start owning up to them. I have so much potential that I am wasting away by worrying (which is getting me no where). I want to give 100% trust back to my boyfriend and enjoy the time we have together. I want to get focused and organized for my own well being.. but I also want to appreciate the life I do live because I’m here, alive and well.
So with all my depressing posts lately I figured I’d switch it up a bit.. Things are going well (besides all my bullshit drama I create for myself) for a change.
My progress at the gym is getting better and better. Probably because the more leaner I get the easier it is for me to stay motivated. I had a long talk with my IG friend Jenna about getting upset when were working out when we feel disgusted with ourselves. I cant tell you how many times I have walked out of the gym, how many times I’ve cried at the leg press or how often I looked in the mirror and instantly became depressed and ruined my my motivation to continue. I’m not exaggerating either.. I have stopped mid set and walked out because my legs looked huge or my pants were too tight and my “muffin top” was noticeable. Then when anxiety sets in it becomes a nightmare and may or may not turn into a binge that day, but it sure affects my attitude and my self worth. It’s a sad cycle to live, trust me.
However I think I’m over that phase right now ( I say right now because I have been doing this for the last 4 years) because I’m starting to see my progress. My legs are thinning out and I can feel my abs stubbornly trying to show. I have been eating pretty clean but allow myself to steal a french fry from my boyfriends plate or eat a serving of sorbet every now and then just to enjoy this whole process. I’m a sugar fein so giving myself a treat here and there is always nice. ( Speaking of being a sugar fein I allow all types of fruit in my diet I will only cut it out when I’m training for a show. Fruits can have a high carb count and be loaded with sugar but when I get crazy with working out anything whole natural and organic are all allowed).
I posted this picture yesterday on my other accounts and have been asked what my routine is.. So lets take a gander.. Lately I have been doing full body workouts however, I usually split it up by each body part training legs twice (a separate day for quads and another for hamstrings) but the thing that does stay the same is how I lift. I don’t train with a spotter but I try to lift as heavy as I can all the time unless I am super setting to exhaust my muscles (ie doing DB Bicep curls then taking a BB half the weight and knocking out as many reps as I can till failure).
I do about 200 weighted lunges a week (again I train legs twice a week so each session I do 5×20 lunges). I squat a lot and as heavy as I can (front squat sumo squat errrythangg). I also use BW squats and lunges as my active testing. Meaning in between reps I’ll knock out 20 body weight squats. I don’t have a rep or set scheme I tend to get unmotivated if I have a goal of 10 and I can’t reach it so I usually always go to failure. If the reps become too easy I up the weight
For cardio I spin (bike) the stair master (don’t hold on!!!!!) and always an incline on the treadmill. Cardio times always change depending on my mood and how hungry and cranky I am however I don’t do less than 30 min (unless I’m super uncomfortable). During contest prep it’ll range from 30min to 2 hours (spilt up into 2 sessions of course).
My eating is pretty basic. I eat anything whole, natural and unprocessed.
Carbs: Brown rice oatmeal sweet potatoes regular potatoes whole wheat pastas and Ezekiel bread.
Protein: Ground turkey ground beef pork chicken. Any kind of protein rather regardless of its fat content (everything in moderation).
This is what our date night always consists of… MEAT!
Any and all veggies and fruit!
Every Morning I have a protein shake with fruit and flaxseed. On Occasion I add 1/2c oatmeal to the mix. It’s easy convenient and usually tastes amazing (I use Dymatize Iso in Chocolate but currently have Gourmet Whey in strawberry banana and its awful). When I get hungry or about 2 1/2 hours later I will snack on either Greek Yogurt (Brown Cow is great and has the least amount of calories compared to Fage. Calories are important but I don’t count them its just why eat something I can consume for 1/2 of the calories and it tastes the same?). I have 100 calorie packs of almonds (because I could eat nuts all damn day), or maybe a serving of applesauce to hold me over. Next is usually a bigger meal around lunch time. It ranges from WW or Brown Rice pasta and ground turkey to Chicken Brown rice and broccoli. I sometimes get creative and make meatballs or something else but these are super simple to make and it is something I fall back on because I actually enjoy both dishes). Post work out I will have another meal containing protein (I don’t focus too much on the carbs here unless its leg day. Otherwise if I’m in the mood or just a little more hungry Ill eat a piece of E. Bread with PB). However when it comes to Post Workout a carb is SUPER important (its what makes you grow!!), as is protein so I’m sure to take in both. If I am up for more than a few hours after that meal I will consume a casein shake (casein protein digests at a relevantly slower rate which is great while you sleep).
Post Workout Smoothie made with greek yogurt instead of protein powder.
Until contest prep I have 1-2 cheat MEALS (NOT DAYS!!!) a week, where I have basically whatever I want for 1 meal. I also eat a lot of nuts (almonds cashews) and peanut butter on occasion. The thing with food is the less processed the better for you. “Dieting” isn’t fun, but changing your lifestyle can be. Granted I don’t eat out at McDonald’s or consume high amounts of bad fat on the daily (lets face it carbs fat and sugar taste like the devil!) but I do enjoy the foods I eat to maintain the body I want. You just have to prepare yourself first mentality. Start with goals and work towards them and get up and move!
Like here.. shes my motivation.
The hardest part is starting but you have to at one point right? My motivation comes from feeling uncomfortable in clothing which really puts me to tears. Though I have no one to blame but myself it’s a hard pill to swallow. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed life isn’t as easy as people make it out to be but once you start seeing progress you’ll get more and more excited to be a healthier you. The rewards of being happy with yourself is a prize within itself
I’m insecure as fuck and it’s messing with my head. For some reason, I am potentially jeopardizing my relationship with Mike because of this.
Now let me begin. We haven’t had the easiest relationship and he’s slipped up a bit, regardless I’m still standing by his side. However.. it’s become rather difficult.. I feel any beautiful woman who walks down the street is going to catch my boyfriends attention and it’s all down hill from there (told you I was insecure). I’m scared of him moving jobs so I can’t “monitor” him 40 hours of the week. Now that sounds horrible however it’s kinda the truth (though I did just make myself look like the worlds worst girlfriend, I promise I’m not!) . 3 out of the 4 fights we have had have been saved because we work together (we are/were spoiled) meaning, I don’t doubt that had we worked separately we wouldn’t be together today. But we are..
&& he is by far the best boyfriend I have ever had. He’s the one I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. We joke about it but it’s true.. I want to start a family with him and watch it grow with endless amounts of love.. He is so special that I think this is why I’m having a hard time.. Why I’m having anxiety about our relationship in the next coming of months.. I’m scared. Truth be told I’m scared out my damn mind. But things DO change and I need to mentally prepare myself for this.. I get so worked up because I know how it is from a girls perspective.. No one cares anymore.. I’m in love and I’m pretty sure someone greedy enough to try to come in between that IS in fact possible.. But it takes two to tango doesn’t it? That’s what I need to remember because not only does he tells me everyday how beautiful I am and how he wants to grow old with me, but how I am a “catch” (never been told that) and how he doesn’t want or need anyone else.. Now that may sound all goody gum drop to one, but sometimes actions speak louder than words..
But regardless when I get my body back and my tan on and my nails did and whatever else I think I need to do in order to be “happy”, it still won’t change that life doesn’t go as planned. I can’t change if my boyfriend leaves me, I can’t ponder on the what ifs because that’s a waste of time.. And it’s time that I’m not guaranteed to have. All I know is that my insecurities are affecting my relationship right now but so very blessed that he is at least trying to help and work on them with me.. That’s what I have to be thankful for, not the what ifs and the negative bullshit that’s been clouding my mind for days now. I have to focus on me and growing as a person, not grow to be dependent on anyone but myself, but to really cherish the good times I have with people.
Whatever happens next is going to happen regardless of what I want.. I have to grasp the concept of everything turning out okay in the end. I really truly believe that.