Monthly Archives: April 2013

Don’t write anything you don’t want people reading.

I am very open and honest here. This blog is linked to many outside audiences (instagram, facebook, twitter) and will sometimes have an affect on my personal life (as in my real life, the stuff that you are here to read..) as it has, the passed couple of days.

With that being said, I have a choice to make in the next few days that involves a rather big part of my life. This choice obviously comes with change and with that comes fear. I think this is a good way to sit back and go through a brainstorming strategy to get me to make a decision. Otherwise other pressures will get to me and I will feel like I made the wrong decision no matter the outcome, honestly.

That being said, I have a huge decision to make, a few chapters and reviews to do and an essay to write before tuesday so I suppose I should cut these short for the time being..


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I know my blog is boring, bare with me!

Got off work early, so what better to do than to write. I literally have 20420 notes saved in my phone, emails saved via the computer, of blogs or “passages” I have written, yet never published. I get in these so called moods of mine and then go back later and decided to 86* the whole thing (isn’t that what they save in restaurants? lol 86 the lettuce ext? lol..nvm).. I decided to nix the whole thing altogether. I don’t know what my problem is, but it is what it is.  

The reason I even brought that up is because I write sometimes, and other times I think about writing and after yesterday I am surprised I am just now getting to it. Though it is only 12:04pm the day after, what happened yesterday has really opened my eyes to the bigger picture. I met with my teacher about this time yesterday. I didn’t even know where to begin so I just started babbling. Now mind you, this is the teacher who teaches the class I am head over heels in love with. To make things even better hes super easy to talk too, COACHES you through things all the while getting to…. yes, the bigger picture. He “teachers” or “professes” this class, but by coaching ,which in the end is what we are learning to do! He did it again with the meeting we had one on one. Had me coming up with ideas yet this motivation from being sorta praised, was an instant change in self efficacy (something we are learning in class. self efficacy is the measures of ones own ability to complete tasks and reach goals. which if you think about it will increase self esteem later down the road). Good things can come of change, Ill telling you. We all just have to step out of our comforts zones. What is really the worst that can happen? I am not going to list of e v e r y possible out, I mean you have 1,00 and 1 ways to die on T.V don’t you?

Anyways, my main concern of seeing him was to talk about the paper that is due in LESS THAN 4 WEEKS! holy shit. I get so nervous. I love to write.. or at least think that I have a semi interesting relationship with it, but I always stress out. Least I know now that I have a deadline. Having a deadline is a double edge sword. It could work in your favor in regards to motivation, but if not met or not reached could result in self esteem/efficacy plummeting and reaching and even lower level than when started with. So keep that in mind, and how that’s possible is to set “behavioral” goals. In my instant, I need to space all this information out (chapters being due, tests every week, and a paper due in 4 weeks), and not leave it till the end. I wish I could retake this class, with the same teacher and everything just so I know and understand the information. lol. I wonder if they’ll let me. I mean its just more practice. Instead of this 8 week class, Ill just take it again to make up for the class being rushed. lol.

Back to what I was trying to get at before I went off in yet another direction. As you can see, I like using my “coaching abilities” in every day life, including my own. LOL.
pardon me.

So we continued talking for about 45 minutes, from start to finish he got everything out of me that he needed to know. My work background, dedication, work ethic and ideas and it was almost pro founding for me. I know deep down I have my “fans” boyfriend, family (my supporters), but having an outside source, who has only met me 3 other times (during class), talk to me about BIG THINGS, it had me smiling out of control. I don’t smile that often (just because Idk don’t ask me why), but here I couldn’t help it. To be apart of something that could possibly change this industry, has my leg hairs growing.

I don’t even want to write anything more. I just want to leave it at that because that was the “ah-ha” moment. The HOLYSHIT moment, if you will..

For someone who is already that involved and successful at something that you are looking to become/achieve, say no one has the motivation or drive like I do may just be a masterful way of coaching someone to be ones best self, but let me tell you, it worked.

I left that meeting smiling ear to effing ear. I was so excited I called my mom a couple times, and texted my bf super happy that it went well. Talked to him about it on the phone a little later and I could tell that he was proud. Its nice to hear the words, but its better to feel the meaning behind them 🙂 I never had something that I was good at, or like really really good at. I WISH I was just a flat out genius, thatd be nice. But Id take being able to draw, or sing! yea I REALLY wish I could sing. Like my babe is SUPER amazing at cars and now has a business backing his reputation up and even adding to it. I am super proud of him (eventhoughidontshowitandimsorrybabeiloveyouyouknowiamijustwellyouknowwhy). Brainstorming this idea that I could hit the ground running with makes me feel, I guess you could say worthy. I am really having a hard time finding a word that I think describes it best. I feel like I have been given a chance. I don’t know. I will come back to this later.

Later that day work came and went and I was back to driving to the south lake campus for class. I didn’t do so well on this test. Sure as hell not like before where I got a 100 freaking %. But I mean it was the first test so maybe he wanted it to be easy so we don’t drop the class. 😦 fail. lol. No I am just kidding. It is because I didn’t study, that well at least. I have been leaving everything for later and that is not cool. I think that just because I have a 4 hour break that I am going to spend that 4 hours reading and note taking. Are you kidding me, have you read my posts? how ADD can one person be?

Now that was as exciting as my night got. I came home around 10pm and was in bed no later than midnight. I woke up a little late, but it didn’t matter my boss wasn’t even there yet. So as I am sitting there, a lady had a couple questions regarding the seat adjustment on the curl machine. After talking to her for a few minutes, I knew I needed to sit down with her. After we started talking, I had HER practically walking us back to my desk. from there we talked mainly about what she has been doing, hasn’t been doing and what her goals are. The conversation could of lasted a whole lot longer but because I wanted to show her a little around the machines, we had to hold off. I did however, schedule her after the weekend to come back for a work out and for yet another chance to talk. I want to take her and shake her and have her not remember anything she was previously told before. Lol. I really find this job to be helpful in a huge stepping stone to what I ultimately want to do. Although this is more business like and stressful in that sense, but its allowing me to help these people from the ground up.

I considered the passed few days to be good days :). Making progress everyday is key. No matter how big, or small any progress is better than no progress.

Really need to spice this blog up with some pictures or recipes of some amazing shit. I promise it wont be this boring forever!

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It’s about being (well).

I should be proud that through all of my ups and my downs that I have yet to give up entirely. It may seem like it at the time but this lifestyle is a process and will not happen over night. It’s about guess and check and what works for you, and what could work against you.

In the long run, to live every day going forward to the best of your ability is what matters most. I know my idea of happiness doesn’t just come from “looking good” but it is truly a motivator. I want to be more than just a nice body. I want to be mentally emotionally and physically well.

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All over the place..

If your client has to tell you to push them harder, as a trainer, you’re doing it wrong. Sick and tired of seeing people getting certified because its (obviously) the “cool” thing to do. If you’re not going to put your heart and soul into this “career”, save your clients time and reevaluate your life for a second. I deal with real life issues.. one being their lifestyle. No one spends thousands of dollars for a human rep counter nor should you be paid for being one.

That was my Facebook post this afternoon, after a situation at work. Here, as I pathetically attempt to answer a required online question for class, explains a little about where I see myself doing later down the road..

I also plan on building a business in regards to physical fitness (well maybe not). Not to keep mentioning the fact, but being a personal trainer for as long as I have been has really opened my eyes to how seriously mental and emotional lifestyle changes can be. It goes so much further than just losing weight, getting “big” ext , there is HUGE underlying issues in more than 50% of the people that walk thru those gym doors.

Now I have had a past, since at least from what I clearly remember started in 8th grade, full of body image issues. I have since starting blogging and having a huge (OK don’t think huge.. lets just say, decent) following base. I have stayed in good contact with past clients, and have truly taken the time out to help these people. I also have 1 client who lives in California (from one of my accounts), that has paid me to email, text back and forth, a training and nutrition regimen to compete in national bikini competitions. So, what I am saying is, I want to  start something by word of mouth. Have my clients be my “advertising”. I mean knowing people in the industry is going to be helpful, but again, by word of mouth. You know someone that knows somebody (Or if all else fails, or if I really have to give an “idea”, I’d start advertising or working with bridal stores, marketing boot camps for brides to be).

I may be completely not following the script, or even answering the question but I want to be everything in one. I see the psychological aspect of is. I know that coaching is staying in the future going forward, but I also want to be the one they go to to talk about the past (so i m p o r t a n t). Just today at work, a trainer called me saying he accidentally slept in and missed 3 appointments. I hung up and immediately went to the trainer table. Now mind you, here I am just the personal trainer counselor (aka sales even though I am currently still certified). However I went to check the computer and a younger girl, mid 20’s, walked over to the table. I asked her if she had a training appointment and indeed, with the missing  trainer. I explained the situation and asked her if she would like for me to train her or felt more comfortable rescheduling. She didn’t mind either so I encouraged taking me up on the offer (knowing I would of pushed her harder than she would of herself). She obliged and I asked for her workout journal that clients are given at time of commitment. I noticed no measurements have been taken recently, if at all and after 4 months of training you would think it would have been done. I walk her over to the table after explaining how important measuring progress was 😉 I sat her down and just began talking. How long she was training a week with a trainer (3), to if she’s noticing progress (insert how awesome this is, its like practice!). Just questions that made her open up to which she expressed her love for swimming but too embarrassed to get in the pool. The more questions I asked and let her open up, the more she did to which she said (verbatim) “I think I need a therapist”.It was awesome.  THAT’S what I want. I want to be that persons therapist, coach, nutritionist, personal trainer. All of it, all in one.

So I guess my point is, I don’t give the amount of revenue, well enough to pay the bills (but again insert idea about bridal stores if thats what this question is asking) but working minimum wage (and living with the best mom ever FREE RENT) has been working just fine. So if any of this makes sense (and as long as I pass my tests and turn in homework), I think  that since I wrote this much I should get an A (for effort of course).

You like that shit? Luckily, he is an awesome teacher and that little part I added at the end will at least make someone laugh 🙂 Going to bed though. Pretty exhausted after today. Have been on point though. Sushi dinner with the boyfriend post second cardio session. That’s right! Doing 2 a days lately. It’s so easy because I am ALREADY AT THE GYM! I have NO excuses lol. Eating has been key too. Did just splurge on a little carbs but not one fuck was given.




When things fall apart..

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly. 


No april fools here.

Now I feel super busy so I can’t take this blog to where I want it to go just yet. That makes me sad and a little unaccomplished. However, work is super crazy and striving for an A or B in my health and wellness class has really started taking its toll. I feel good about it all though. Keeping me busy, keeping me sane. I hope right? I mean.. usually added stress is well just that, stress. Me? stress? always.. but at least its keeping my mind busy.

I had written a shit ton of good shit yesterday, but go figure, it didn’t save (I am thankful that my 3 hours worth of homework done yesterday did though.. fuck the blog post! lol.. I kid..) I don’t know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I kept it (or tried too), so that means something.. lol.. oh you know me and the right click select all delete.

Now I feel like I have nothing to say.. I did start off today with a mother fucking bang though. Ate on point (except missed eating all my carbs. I am trying to carb cycle but didn’t measure my mornings fruit serving so it threw it off), worked out and had a good work out finally. Literally a work out where I felt like screaming out “i fucking love working out!” It just felt that good. I am so close to achieving the look I want, that I think it was hurting my progress for a while. I want to be at a point where I am just maintaining. It is still a lot of work but better to work to keep it then work to get it. I don’t know.. one day at a time. Seriously its all I have at the moment and I’ve come to realize that.

Work is forever changing and I have noticed that I do not have an job security unless I sell. That’s it, sell or no job. Kind of nerve racking don’t you think? Yeah, tell me about it..and with all new bosses in today,I slam dunk the fuck out of it and got me some numbers on the board, first day of the pay period. I still have a lot of work to do, especially with this being my first sales job but it was all legit and exactly how I want people to view my business. I am going to make an impact there, just watch.

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