Haven’t written in awhile and if it wasn’t for my boyfriend asking if I have, I problem wouldn’t be doing so.. I just feel overwhelmed with everything. I started full time personal training at a different gym and with the stress of a new job, having people dependent on you, and trying to make enough money to pay bills has hit me, once again, all at once.
AND I still have a paper to do, and 3 weeks left of class.
Oh and btw, I’m still insecure as fuck. What about exactly? well just about everyfuckingthinginmylife. My potential, my looks, but what really sparked bringing it up, my relationship.
I don’t know if I will ever be okay.
Why can’t I focus on myself? Why am I putting so much time and effort into something that should be a “luxury”, a gift, something that should compliment your life not complicate?
I’m over it. Lmao, least for now.
Been doing pretty good in regards to my training. Had a cheat last night with the boyfriend and surprisingly did just fine today. Usually I go 2 days eating complete shit, because after the first day, by the second I am upset with myself so much my actions continue till that “breaking” point. But this time was different. Did I think about continuing to eat like shit? Sure did, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I don’t want to keep these bad habits.
Food does NOT control me.