Monthly Archives: May 2015

You’re still in control,

but don’t for one second think you have won. I am simply being proactive instead of reactive for once in my life. I have zero idea of what you’re capable of anymore, but we both know my safety isn’t a care of yours. 

I wish so deeply that I could write freely. So much is going on, I wish I could journal my way through some of it. Maybe I should write as I would, but save the posts for a better time? Whatever I choose to do, I feel as though I am walking a fine line because when push comes to shove, I enjoy a good pissing contest. I just hope I don’t upset myself and post out of anger. 

One things for certain, my talks with God sure are getting longer. 

Advertisements
Tagged

Filters don’t just stop at pictures..

I wish I could be more honest here. I’m truly afraid of my safety, so I have to filter everything. This isn’t like a journal a would keep at home, knowing its out of harms way.. It’s just going to take time before I can truly open up with the pain I am going through..

Until then, filter on.. 

I wrote the paper, actually edited it and turned it into my psychology teacher the last day of class. Meaning, class is over. Meaning, my psychology teacher is no longer my psychology teacher. Instead, she’s my therapist. My first meeting with her was yesterday, and it was literally like reading my entire paper to her. Everything I wrote in that paper is a complete description of the turmoil I have found myself in. So although it was the first meeting, and her already having an inside scoop, it was truly comforting. It felt like she’s been with me the entire time, and I have felt very alone during this journey. 

I am finishing up a few other doctor apts regarding my health this week, literally an appointment every day. It’s exhausting, but feelin like shit sucks worse.

Thanks for all the love on the recent posts. It’s nice to read kind words when you’ve focused solely on the negative ones for so long.. 

Tagged

Do not confuse my bad days with signs of weakness, for those are the days I’m fighting my hardest. 

Maybe I’ll read the essay I wrote, 

and I’ll share it here. It’s less than 5,000 words (for now), regarding the most significant parts of my life. For everyone who knows, I struggle with writing, for I am my own worst critic. I write, delete then write some more, only to delete the entire thing. My writing, like myself, is truly a work in progress.. 

  

Tagged ,