No, this post was not hacked. I’m just growing up. 

I find myself grinning from ear to ear inside, so no one knows. All they see is this poker face I display for the world to see. 

That’s all they get. I’m special. I know I am. I am going places in life and although I’ve been treading water for some time now, I have yet to exhaust all my efforts. 

My time will come. Until then, I am enjoying this road of self discovery. School is tough. Probably always will be considering I will continue attending full time and working full time.. But this won’t be forever. The projects I have due mainly involve life experiences, and in doing so, I am finding my life to be quite impressive. My mother was right, (okay Justine you were too), I don’t give myself enough credit. When I get stopped by random members at the gym and go into a little detail of my hectic life, their reactions alone make me aware of just how hard I am working. 

Clients in the morning, school for a few hours, then back to another location to train 8 or so clients. Everyday I clock in to one or another location. I find the 12 minute tan, or a late start of 11 on Fridays, to be my down time. I’m usually tired, can squeeze in a cat nap here and there.. But don’t mind being incredibly busy because I feel if I had nothing to do, I’d do just that.. nothing. At one point I felt worthless because I wasn’t doing anything with my time .. And now that I have none to spare, it makes you appreciate the simplest things.. (Or make you quite irritable when people don’t respect it). 

I thank God every day for finally opening my eyes.. my heart.. but more so my mind. The woman I am becoming is something to be proud of. 

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2 thoughts on “No, this post was not hacked. I’m just growing up. 

  1. jlgentry says:

    How do I say this without sounding like an asshole? I have been a fan of yours for several years. For whatever cosmic connection we have I feel a sense of your struggle and have a deep need to support you. In these last few posts I am witness to a growth and maturity that makes me smile. The arrogance I mentioned is that before I felt as if I was helping you. Now I feel as you don’t need help, just my friendship and admiration. In an odd way I feel we are on the same plane. Please take that as a compliment even though I have so far to go myself. Reading how you persevere in th face of uncertainty is like watching a flower bloom in the desert. You are special. Don’t ever forget that.

    Plus, I think what you’re doing adds great value to life. Fuck your boss and coworkers.


    • Marissa says:

      You know whats so crazy? I know I’m just reading this now, but I received a notification when you sent this a few weeks ago and just couldn’t get myself to read it because I knew it would be awesome and would make me want to write again, and it wasn’t ready.. but deep down.. I was yearning for a comment of yours. I truly appreciate the thought and the genuine’ness you add, and they have always made me smile so bright. So thank you, honestly.

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