Tag Archives: Acid Reflux

Tomorrow you said yesterday.

730am Sunday Morning..


Had thoughts about not caring about what I eat today (I am currently on a two week “binge”). I think the reason for this is because I normally start on Mondays, the beginning of the week. Or on an even numbered day. Yes. I had bad OCD when I was in the midst of my eating disordered days. I was an even girl. Volume on the TV was the worst :/ Oh, that and counting my steps. Probably why I ALWAYS look down.. I don’t know nor do I care to go in depth because I am over it 🙂
 
Off topic once again (my ADD lol) I don’t want to. I want to feel sexy again.
 
Now listen, I’m not fat, and I haven’t gained THAT much weight back from a few weeks ago..BUT I am in the uncomfortable stage..which I think I should set limits to (WHICH IS NOT GOOD I MIGHT ADD!). I don’t know my weight and I don’t think I would weigh myself till I KNEW the number would be acceptable..(yes I am starting to sound like I use too)..but honestly bare with me. Before back when I binged, I ate so much and was so uncomfortable bloated that I honestly thought the only thing I could do was puke it up. But I would ALWAYS stop myself. I thought that if I started back with my old tendencies that it would be like when I quit smoking cigs, one day I ONLY HAD A DRAG and I bought a pack the next day (thanks Meredith you asshole!)..but thats what I thought. I thought if I stuck my fingers down my throat that I would fall back to my bulimic days. Which I think I am still suffering from..my acid reflux has never been the same, but the biggest thing is the enamel on my teeth.It is literally stripped (I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I was told I had gum cancer..because I could press on my gums and they’d bleed).
 
Alright I am getting off topic ONCE again. Today is going to be prep day. My sister is leaving for her dads today so I can finally get all organized again. My meals will for the most part be all cooked. Well see how much I even got on my last Whole Foods trip. I am so broke right now it is actually getting a little scary. After the competition, then this damnlawyer shit..it’s all my fault but it sucks. I am literally working for free right now. Fuck anyways.. My personal life is affecting my overall fitness goals and that sucks. I am trying to separate the two, and after my court date I think I am going to definitely make the right changes in order to do so.

The Food Log

8am 1/2 cup greek yogurt with 1 tbs almond butter on a piece of ezekiel bread.
11am PB and J Quest Bar.
2pm- Any protein veggie mix (could have a carb if I'd like).
530pm- Protein and veggie mix.
9pm- Caesin Shake .
Yes I know I posted this and its not the end of the day but it’s sunday and I can control what meals I have and when. This will be my food log for the day. I just wanted to send out the blog before noon, hopefully get more followers asking questions :):)

The Workout

Hack Squat
5 sets total 12,12,10,8,8
Supersetted with
Wall Sits
5 sets total 30-45 seconds each.
Front Squat
50lb start, rep till failure
Superset w/Single Legged Squat
BW 8-10 reps EACH leg
Leg Ext
85lbs ^
 


Staying positive for the next few days to come. Will take it day by day, but I know I'll get there.
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Day 65 disappointing ..

Update: Just posting pictures. No work out today. I have missed a total of 4 workouts and I am a solid month out tomorrow. I haven’t been feeling well and if I can’t get my workouts in because of the pain I am going to the doctor. Ate a little extra carbs last night, feel SEMI guilty, but def didn’t eat enough all day. Please don’t let tomorrow be day #3

I think all I had was my protein shake in the morning. Some chicken and veggies. And protein pancakes. I missed about 2 meals feeling like shit.

Day 64 in Pictures

  1. How I measured myself for my bikini. lol. this and a rope. then when I got in the bathroom I had no pen, but mascara in my pocket. You can’t really see the numbers but their there lol.
  2. Finalizing and paying. Done and done.
  3. Told you I wasn’t feeling good.
  4. Able trying to feed me (the BEST) cookies ever.
  5. Drinking tea and pep to. 😦 a cidddddddd sucks.
  6. Lunch. Eat your colors.
  7. Propel. I was locked out of my house and had to do something. So I got drinks because I have to give up carbonation soon.
  8. I made protein pancakes and went to bed. Can you believe theres only like 10g of carbs (I ate a lot of them. I think I have a picture lol but they didn’t look pretty like this one). Ingredients: 1/3c Muscle egg, 1/3c oatmeal and 1/3c cottage cheese.

 

So far tuesday has been alright. The morning wasn’t so good, but it seemed to be fine through out the day. My stomach has been acting up pretty bad lately (I have severe acid reflux) and had to get pepto earlier today. I missed 3 workouts so far. THREE. Not 1. Not 2, but 3. I dont feel that bad (bc I could be missing workouts AND eating like shit) but I just LITERALLY feel like shit lol. No big deal, I am sure it wont last forever.

Triple Chocolate Chunk Muffin Knock-Offs of Whole Food’s 6 Dollar per 4 Chocolate Chunk VitaTop Muffins

Ingredients:

1 3/4 c oats

  •  3 egg whites
  •  3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
  • 1 tsp. vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt (or regular plain low fat yogurt)
  • 1/2 tsp cream of tartar (or 1-1/2 Tbsp. vinegar)
  • 1-1/2 tsp. baking powder
  • 1-1/2 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp. salt
  • 1 cup hot water
  • 1 cup sugar substitute (like Splenda granular) OR 1/4 cup + 2 tbs stevia
  • 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (or use white chocolate or peanut butter chips!)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 (12-cup) muffin pans with foil cupcake liners, or spray muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray. Set aside.
In a blender, (or food processor), mix all of the ingredients together, except for the chocolate chips. Blend until oats are ground and mixture is smooth.
Place mixture in a bowl and gently stir in 1/2 of the chocolate chips (set the rest aside). Scoop mixture into prepared muffin pans.
Place muffins tins in the oven for 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, remove muffins from the oven (but don’t shut oven off), and distribute the other half of the chocolate chips on top of each muffin.
Place  the muffins back into the oven and bake for an additional 2-5 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. *Note, you could skip this step by putting all of the chips in the batter, and baking the muffins for 12-15 min straight, but this method gives the muffins the traditional ‘VitaTop Muffin’ look with the chocolate chips on top!
Cool muffins before removing from pan. ENJOY!!!
Servings: 12 Big Muffins or 24 Smaller Muffins
Calories: 116 Calories Per Muffin or 58 Calories Per Muffin

Found this on pinterest. CANNOT wait to try it.

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Day 36 I sat on the pity pot today..

My whole body is sore.. and I have had acid reflux for going on 24 hours.

It started even after my shake when I didn’t even add chia/hemp/flax or fiber, yet I am still hurting.. Hmmm… All there was was pineapple, coconut oil, and whey protein.. hmmmm BUTat 3 in the morning I did wake up and eat part of my pizookie w PB.. that had flax in it I WOKE UP AT 730 THOUGH!

and its 1151 and I still have it.

Ate a piece of flank steak, snacking on edamame. Yawning..

306pm Cried today for the first time in awhile… Felt good and bad all at the same time.. I tried holding them back, but it was like buttons were being pushed every time I thought I had it all under control. It is all work related. I deserve better. I know this but I don’t want the pressure of trying to find another job right now.. Everything happens for a reason, just have to believe in that.

Had some pulled pork earlier, going to eat another piece of steak with some broccoli in 3 min or so.. Don’t even feel like eating 😦 I am just tired and cold and feeling a little down today.. I really just want a nap 😦

Seriously FUCK MY BOSS. HE is the BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. I honestly do NOT understand how someone is capable of daily hate towards others.

Not even worth talking about anymore its wasted energy.

I haven’t eaten that much today 😦 I am in a weird mood.. Can’t wait to unwind AT THE GYM! haha ❤

Today is going to be shoulders… This weeks schedule is actually going to be as follows :

  • Mon- Shoulders
  • Tues- Quads
  • Wed- Off
  • Thurs- Back
  • Fri- Cardio
  • Sat- Hams
  • Sun- Bi’s Tri’s

Military, Overhead press, front raise, lateral raise, upright rows 🙂
5 Minute Planks
30min Stairmaster.

ITY BITY PITY COMMITTEE

So today at work my boss was making me look like an idiot in front of everyone.. I started getting hot… and I really didn’t know how I was going to handle this situation because I didn’t know how far my boss would go… Well he made me do something one last time and when I got in the back of the shop I starred up into the ceiling and felt the tears just build up.. I really didn’t want to cry… (I actually enjoy crying, you feel so relieved afterwards), because I was still at work, so I tried to keep walking.. but I had to keep pausing… I hadn’t cried in such a long time I think that’s why I couldn’t stop it. So I bent over and had the tears drop onto the ground, trying not to go back looking like a hot mess.. I wanted to pretend it didn’t get to me.. but I regained composure and went back up front.. Words were exchanged and I gave him what he wanted and walked to the furthest bathroom. I sat on the toilet bailed for 30 seconds, realized I was still at work, sat and focused on breathing and waited till I was ready to leave.. Honestly I felt so much better, yes it looked like I was crying but I didn’t have to make much eye contact with anyone the rest of the day… I barely ate, which I think is weird because he has been triggers for me bingeing… any who.. So I did what I had to do and left for the day.. drove home no big deal, got Marley out, took her for a walk and made steak and broccoli. Well 7pm comes around and this is when I am ready to bounce out the door to the gym and my mom watches Marley well as I am getting ready I notice that this bracelet that I bought on Saturday was missing. Completely off board it came on, and the empty part was lying in the same spot my sister found it in… I don’t know why but I FREAKED OUT. I called my sister a fucking bitch all because she claimed to NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!! LITERALLY verbatim!!!! I have the texts, it goes from Idk what your talking about, to asking me if I remember wearing it, she doesn’t know what to tell me, then 20 min later after I told her she lost me as a friend (we have gotten really close, and id do anything for her) because I KNEW she took it and she was LYING in my face, making me feel and go  and even act crazy. I disrespected my mom and my sister for me being upset. I was in a bad mood when I got home.. and then I saw that. I freaked. And not even to mention THIS MORNING, as I was getting ready for work as I moved this bracelet to the spot it was at I thought to myself, how funny if Hayley tried stealing this, since I KNOW its right here.. Literally no joke, no crosses I legit thought this on the way out.. so for her to say, are you sure you didn’t wear it?

Omg. Words could NOT describe. I was BALLLLLLLING. On the FLOOR crying. It was a whole mess… I shut my door and prayed to God for strength, I was hyperventilating. Trying to breathe, hysterically crying and repeating God give me strength wasn’t quite all working lol.. I had to stop speaking and start praying silently till my breathing calmed down..  I felt so so soooo low at this point crying just felt natural, like a relief…. I felt so much better afterwards..

I do take full responsibility for how I reacted today and I am quite embarrassed. I don’t know what got into me..IF you want an example of sitting on the pity pot this is it.

All that was consuming me had to do with how my work sucks and I deserve better and if not at least respect. I am completely broke (had to dip into savings type shit), taxes will NOT go thru, this is the 6th time I sent them in, school called me once, sent to vm, called back, sent to vm, no call back. That’s in regards to financial aid (OR LACK THEREOF!), and how I am broke because of that too.. then my sister tries and makes me go crazy, my mom had an attitude the entire day (am AND pm), then I am bloated as fuck ALL THE TIME!…..

So anyways I balled. Hard. I let it all out. Everyone is on good terms now. I need to do a little soul searching and figure out this mess. I mean I know everyone has their ups and downs but FUCK. There are ways to avoid feeling hopeless.. 😦

So back on track After all the shhhhiiiiaat I needed to hit the gym. WITH MAH NEW SWEATSHIRTTT!!! and after a great meal 🙂

730pm BOULDAH SHOULDAH (boston accent)

Switched things up, started with Smith Machine Chest Press
50lbs x 12reps
50lbs x 12reps
60lbs x 10reps
60lbs x 8reps
70lbs x 4reps <– no idea lol……

Went to do should press, but I WAS SLACKING SO BADLY! I tried to start with 60 lbs so like a 30 DB in each hand and I couldn’t even do it…. That sucked for my ego.. NBD I think I tried to do 2 sets and switched to Upright Rows Supersetted with a Front raise (20lbs BB)

50lbs x 10reps
20lbs x 12reps x 4 sets

then went into the yoga room and did 10 (30)DB swings (like a squat to front raise) then did 10 (ea) lateral raise for 10 reps 3 Sets

then finished with 3 sets of an incline chest press at 50lbs

5 minutes of planks

30 minutes of treadmill no less then 12 incline (max 20) on 2.8-3.0

Went home stopped at Baskin Robbins, grabbed my mom some of her chocolate chip ice cream and headed home. Ate a protein shake (my yuckie strawberry and banana expensive as shit protein with actual strawberries (3) and a 1/2 banana ice and water, didn’t taste that bad actually…

NOWWWWW it is 1204am and I am super tired but I had to write this blog.. I knew I had to finish it so I can post it tomorrow morning… I don’t even know if my point was understood or if I even made one…… Anywho, I need to stop worrying and have no fear..

Where God’s love is, there is no fear. God’s perfect love takes away fear.

=)

Goodnight ❤

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