Tag Archives: Balance

If it were easy, well.. you know. 

Everyone wants the easy way out, the magic pill, if you will. I can’t compete with an ignorant naive mind. I don’t possess enough patience. It’s a flaw, a weakness rather and something that is currently being worked on. 

The same patience I’m speaking of, is the patience these people.. your clients my clients people of the world, all need. 

The body I have, the strength I own, the knowledge I’ve acquired.. Was never made in a lab nor was it injected. It was never swallowed. Never squeezed and manipulated.. This was hardwork and consistency. This.. this took discipline.

Of course I wanted to wake up after a day of eating good, and like what I saw. Of course I’d rather take a pill then feel the lactic acid (which we can thank hydrogen not lactate for that) burning. Of course I’d rather wear some ridiculous waist trainer instead of walking up to cycle in the wee hours of the morning.

Truth is, this lifestyle isn’t easy and as far as I’ve seen, isn’t for everyone. 

I get that. I get that life isn’t easy which makes being active and healthy harder. I G E T  IT! Maybe me getting it, isn’t the problem. Maybe thinking there’s a problem, is the problem. 

A client and I got into it (not really but definitely some miscommunication) regarding meal plans and such. Apparently I said I would help her with one months and months ago but always fell thru. I wasn’t aware of this, as meal plans are very time consuming (and technically I’m not a dietician yet so, basically all I can give you is “guidelines”).  However, that is my job and hopefully as you all know, I am all about balance. Nutrition being one of the most important factors in all of this, none the less. What got to me is as I am going over the basics to this (I start my clients off small. As in, small goals nothing drastic to see how they adapt to change), she interrupts me and goes off on a tangent about how age this, and carbs that.. And I’m just sitting there like…. quiet.. until she talks about how she won’t give it 100%. How too much is going on that she’s spread too thin. 

Now.. How are you going to complain that I never helped you, make me feel like shit, when really you just didn’t want to be helped? I take this shit to heart and I am slowly realizing I can’t do that. Yes, I am trying to help clients help themselves but if they don’t want the help, it is out of my hands. I am already too hard on myself, I can’t take people’s lack of motivation as my own. I want to see these people succeed! I know how it feels to look in the mirror and not like what you see! I know what it feels like to put on clothes, not be able to fit in them, and hop back in bed and cry. I know tears. Tears fit nice, they just don’t look good. 

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50/50

Oh, the feeling of feeling sore..

..haven’t felt this in awhile because like I always write about, I am still on my way to finding a balance between my “normal” life and my obsessive relationship with body image. Where instead of worrying about not getting a work out in and enjoying the time in which that time was spent.  It’s hard, and being in a new relationship is even harder. I have been splitting what free time I do have with him and the gym (.. I did take a few weeks off prior to this post but that’s besides the point). The only thing that is hard about this is that I am giving up being happy with myself, for being happy with him. He makes me feel comfortable. He makes me feel okay about the fact that I don’t have my bikini body 24/7. On the flip side, it doesn’t take away how I truly feel inside..  but this give and take thing is sort of wonderful… now if I can only get to love myself a few pounds heavier.

It’s a far fetched “dream” coming from a 23 yr old whose suffered from eating disorders ever since she could remember. However, there is nothing wrong with being in shape. Absolutely nothing. The only problem I see is with how obsessive I get and how I beat myself up if I’m not “up to par” with how I should.. or feel like I should look like. Now.. with that being said, whose fault is it that I am not in as great of shape as I’d like?

This girls.

Fuck. Seriously just fuck. I have no explanation. I have excuses.. that’s for damn sure, but no REASONABLE explanation as to how this makes any sense. I choose what I put into my body. I choose whether or not I am going to the gym, going to finish cardio…

I am my own worse enemy.

..even as I write this, I feel ashamed. Now I have clearly pinpointed the problem, understand the consequences, yet continue to do nothing about it.

Not this time.

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Learning How to Live.

“If you make failure an option, it becomes a possibility

So it’s been a couple days since my last post, and even more so a few days since my last work out. This whole trying to find a balance in my life is actually working out pretty well. I originally set out with a 8 week challenge for myself. I have been doing pretty good with the exception of the July 4th holiday. Usually I would be obsessed about getting a workout in before I went out, but I didn’t even think twice. I literally just enjoyed the time I had off with the people that legit make me happy. I watched what I ate (when I did eat yikes!), but didn’t hesitate to eat burgers and fries in the ghetto off my boys truck of his car 🙂

I am trying this whole enjoying life type thing, with a little less of my compulsiveness and although I am not as lean as I’d like to be, I am comfortable. Don’t know if I could say that if I was put in a bikini (holding water weight under my ass).. but we’re working on it!

&& another thing to note. Yesterday was 1 year that Chris was taken from us. I think about you a lot and I pray that you re in a better place. We ALL miss you Chris. You are a beautiful soul.

Food Log:

Protein Shake && Snacks for the Day!

830am Dymatize Protein Shake (w/ Strawberries, Chia/Flax/Hemp seeds, Ice and Water).
1030am Ezekiel English Muffin w/ 1 TBS PB.
1pm Blackened Chicken Breast w/ Brown Rice.
330pm Chicken Breast Salad (olive oil), w/ 100 calorie pack of almonds.
6pm Pre Work Out (Haven’t decided yet).
9pm Post Work Out Protein Shake *MAKE SURE YOU EAT COMPLEX (or even simple carbohydrates) POST WORK OUT* MUY IMPORTANTE!!!!!
11pm If need be (you never know how late I may stay up).. Casein Protein Shake or cottage cheese and a few almonds.

The Work Out:

Doing Back today, but I really want my ass back and my legs to be as toned as they should be. SOOOO with that being said.. I think I may do 50-100 lunges a day, regardless if I am lifting legs that day (I train legs 2x a week).

My main exercises for back are Lat Pull downs, Chin/Pull Ups, and a shit ton of rows (uni lateral, bent over ext). I do want to add in Good Mornings (also a hamstring exercise, but the way you bend and keep your back straight does WONDERS, and you really feel it in your back).

Good Mornings

Lat Pull downs 4 x 70+ x failure (= 4 sets of 70+ in weight, till failure).
Uni- Lateral Row 3 x 35 x 12-15 reps
Lunges 5 x 15 (each hand) x 10-20 reps
Good Mornings 3 x 30 x 10 reps
Assisted Pull Ups 3 x 120 x 10 reps

So, as you can see I am back on track. I enjoyed my few days off and can’t wait to get back in the gym. I don’t realize I miss the gym until I get in there and do work. I will finish my workout with some interval training on the treadmill. I am trying to work on learning how to run. Yes, LEARNING how to run. Excited for the next 4 weeks (until my birthday), and see how much I can change my body. I’ve decided not to eat cheat meals (only missing 4.. whoopdedo).. but I will keep fruit in my diet (for the natural sugar), and start baking again 🙂 There has been a LOT of recipes that have looked really freakin’ interesting and I am super excited to try them. I will post my favorites 🙂 Like this one..

Cocoa Crispy Treats =D

Recipe & Picture from Chocolate Covered Katie

(can be gluten-free!)

Recipe inspired by these babies.

  • 3 cups rice crispies (I used gf brown rice crispies)
  • 2 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp salt (I used salted pb, too)
  • 1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp nut butter of choice (For lower-cal option, see calorie link below.)
  • 1/2 cup sticky sweetener ( (I used agave. For low-sugar options, see calorie link below.)
  • optional: 1/4 cup cocoa powder (or your favorite chocolate protein powder)
  • optional: melted chocolate to drizzle over the top

Mix your pb (or other nut butter of choice), sweetener, vanilla, cocoa, and salt. Melt (either in the microwave or stove), then pour over the cereal and stir very well, making sure to coat all the crispies. (For a richer chocolate taste, try subbing chocolate chips for some of the cocoa powder.)  Form into balls or line a pan with wax paper and spread the mixture evenly into the pan. Place a sheet of wax paper on top of the mixture, then press down as firmly as you can. Really press it down! Freeze for at least a half hour before slicing.

 

Enjoy!

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One day at a time..

It’s been 5 days since I last worked out, and I feel great.
Surprisingly.

This weekend I didn’t plan around my workout schedule (because I didn’t have one).. nor did I beat myself up over not going. I enjoyed myself. Worry free.

Am I finding my balance?
Am I closer to happiness then I think?

 

🙂

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79 Power through the pain period.

The Food Log

(Food will start looking the same, so sorry for the blandness)

730am Quest Bar
11am Ground Turkey w/ Asparagus
230pm ”  ”
630pm (so fucking hungry grrrr hate waiting for people) another Quest bar.. I was craving it.. and had a rice cake with it
945pm (Post workout) Just my Turkey Burgers and mustard

The Work Out

6am 45 Minutes Cardio
8pm Back (I don’t feel like writing out everything.  Sorry lol) Didn’t do much though, focused on lat pulldown, rows, and back ext.

+ another 45 Minutes Cardio

Day 79 in Pictures..

  1. Ground Turkey w/ Asparagus
  2. Mexican Food I had to pick up but couldnt eat and had to give away my lunch 😦 wamp
  3. Quest Bar and Rice cake? lmao.
  4. Marley being beautiful.
  5. Me.. can’t really see.. but IM THERE…Idk.
  6. Turkey Burgers w/ Pickles and Mustard. YUM
  7. LFL Tryouts are this Saturday……..hmmmmm
  8. Sorry for the screen shots.. but this recipe looks soooo good!

So the days seem to be just passing by. I feel like every decision has to be well thought out now. I have the basics.. I hope.. Just picked up the sponges and eye lashes. Planning out the food (most likely all from Whole Foods) to bring along. Need to book nail apt and book hotel for a night, so the whole tanning process won’t get hectic..(I need two-three coats.. one on Friday and one Saturday morning buck fuck early)..  and I need to be in Chicago by 8am for a mandatory meeting that obviously everyone rushes too and they just make you sit… whatever lol. I also need to figure out when I am getting my hair cut but I will see Taylor on Thursday to make everything set in stone. Other then that, Ive been looking at myself.. (honestly really trying hard not too because I PICK MYSELF APART).. anywho.. I need to keep the cardio up and really focus on intensity of the workouts now.. Also need to start my detox tea, and a week after that my distilled water. Well see how that all works out.. lol. Not much going on.. just trying to keep myself sane. 🙂

Thank you for everyone who leaves such pleasant comments.. I promise I’ll return the favor and keep up with all of you.. I try to  but I get so cluster fucked I just read them and don’t comment like I should! MORE SO BECAUSE my iphone likes to suck and make it  difficult to leave a comment from it.. so I say I’ll wait till I get to a computer but never do. ADD.. to the tee.

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