Tag Archives: Bananas

Day 53 She’s afraid of being free

Suddenly..

She feels lost in her own life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she’s where she’s supposed to be
Tired of trying to do it right
Her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she’s making might be taking her to who she’ll be

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose
If she moves away from who she was
And she’s afraid of being free
There’s a way she knows is right
And she can’t feel the things she knows and so each step she’s taking
Is a step of faith towards who she’ll be

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear
And the light is farthest back
And through her tears
She can see the dawn
Its coming skies will clear
And the light will find her where she’s always been

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

Superchick ❤

My day in pictures…

 

BACK ATTACK WORKOUT!

Assisted lat pull down set at 
135lbs
2x 12reps120lbs
3x10repsUnilateral row
45lbs
2x 12reps60lbs
1x10reps

85lbs
1x6reps lol

Back Ext
25lbs
3x12reps

Wide grip row 
65-100lbs
4x 12 10 8 6

5 min Planks

30min treadmill
Incline 10-15
Mph 2.8-3.2

15min elliptical
Intensity 10 for 10 min
5 for 5 min

=D

So that was my day. The song lyrics just described everything I was feeling.. and I am at lost for words. Today was an overall good day. I missed a meal, and that was my own fault. Pushed hard during my workout, and feel the desire for greatness again… now lets see how long I can keep the flame burning. The pictures are of my trip to whole foods (1st picture besides the screen shot is my basket at one point, the one after that is added stuff), the third picture is my trip to Jewel (yes all in the same day), and then my meal after my workout 🙂 Pretty eventless day, lets say our prayers for a tomorrow.. 

Goodnight ❤

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Day 38 Avere fiducia, and that I will…

730am Woke up to drama. and BAD hunger pains.

Made a protein shake. Strawberry Banana.

8-830am Sipped the shake while drove to work.

9am Got to work.

905am Found out my “best friend” told the guys I work with, who I hooked up with last summer.

Wouldn’t of been that big of a deal, but you don’t know the guys I work with. Prior to this, I am currently being made fun of for a “relationship” which is just a friendship with another co worker. So this just takes the cake.

Funny part is, I would of never of known my “bff” was talking shit if Mike (who actually thought I was mad at him) texted me with “I tried to get nikki to stop” LMFAO…. didn’t even know what he was talking about.

now I do.

So last night they were all out drinking and I got brought up about how I went with Greg to a party last year.. well. nikki mentioned something about how I hooked up with Greg but we didn’t have sex.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. okay well eric goes and texts greg and says what happened with you and marissa, we already have confirmed data so just tell us. Here is the convo below..

So then greg tries and get ahold of me but cant because I was passed out..

So this morning when greg woke up he tried explaining what happened and I already blew up at nikki bc like I said SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW ANYTHING!!!!!…. so yeah.. well..I go up to eric and I said was it greg or nikki who told you.. he gave me some BULLSHIT story and I just said forget it and walked away…

Well.. matt confirmed that I was brought up nikki mentioned my hook up eric texted greg greg texted me mike was there and tried stopping nikki from being a backstabbingtwofacedbitch. then proceeded to say how I give pics to everyone blahblahblah.. and goes and tries to deny it through text.. I have a screen shot of that as well.. lmfao.. here you go..

 

 

Dude seriously.. wtf. I am done. I don’t need this drama or this extra stress.. its CHILDISH and after everything weve been through together.. After people giving her shit for “sleeping with eric,” or being a “home wrecker” lmfao.. did I go and blurt shit out?????? and to think she was the ONLY one who knew….wow…. but everything happens for a reason and I am glad it happened so I can lose her as a friend. I knew that people thought she was two faced but I never thought she would do it to me.. OLWEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL…I don’t need people like that in my life. I’d forgive her but I don’t need that negativity in my life.. 😦 I have enough of my own..

So thatsthat. Deleted all my co workers from facebook.. actually blocked them all.. Not hanging out with anyone from work or actually anyone for that matter.. DONE.

I like my life without D R A M A. well.. as much unnecessary drama as possible. lol..

1249pm TIME IS JUST DRAGGGGINGGG.. I have class tonight and then I think I am going to work out because I didn’t work out yesterday and I binged like I said prior.. I do want to discuss this though..

I have to care that I binged because I am doing a contest.. but for my OWN sake I can’t care (confused?).. Nothing I did was wrong besides not going to the gym (instead I will go today). But for the sole reason of me doing a contest prep anything can be dangerous… Not so much because I am still a little over 2 months away.. but even these healthy spurts of carb cravings I need to be careful.. Besides it was one slip up (only 2 so far in the 38 days SUPER PROUD AGAIN!) and I am also super happy that my cheat meals aren’t really cheat meals.. that they are healthy alternatives. So in a contest prep world I cheated, but for sanity I only overate. Time to move on and live TODAY not what I did last night 🙂

So I ate my chicken breast, with some BBQ sauce (MAYBE a tablespoon), munching on edamame with detox tea 🙂

Will eat again around class time.

Have to go to the financial aid office though to turn in another form but so far I think I’m doing good! Should be reimbursed soon for school. They are about to take out another payment on the 20th.. not happy.. I am dipping into my savings for this shit.. that and MY TAXES STILL WONT GET FIXED!!!! ughhhhhh maybe I will call them right now. oh and as I was blocking people from texting me I realized my cell phone was past due 2 days….. alrighty then there goes another $100 ontop of the $250 on my cell phone and the $100 I went randomly shopping with PRIOR to all this happening.. OH yeah and I owe Hertz Rental car $250 😦 not happy. Sorry a bit of ranting for the day….

So left work at 430pm 

5pm got to school, went to financial aids office.
Looks like everything is all verified. I got an email saying they are taking another payment out on the 20th and looks like everything will be finalized on the 21st lol. She said Id get reimbursed and then get remaining money? I don’t know.. Well see.. but I could DEF use that money right now..

Had Steak and broccoli before, and had a chicken breast at around 730pm.

 

930 Went to the gym after getting home and walking Marley.

930-1030 Stairmaster. Holy shit.

1045 1 cup chili with 1 cup ground turkey. a pinch or two low fat mozzarella and 2/3 banana.. (was going to be 1/2 banana but for some reason I am started to get addicted to bananas lol)…. hmmmmm…..

Btw if you ever wanted to know what it looks like to microwave with a non microwavable container.. this is what happens..

‘But that’s it for today… in class we are learning about personality disorders and eating disorders.. its weird hearing about binge eating and so forth.. btw.. it kept coming up that the side effects of bulimia is ruined teeth enamel.. and I actually think that’s true in my case.. they literally bleed ALL the time.. I HATE going to the dentist because I can taste the blood in my mouth 😦 Idk….. I’m flossing though hopefully it helps :/

Feel good, stomach is still looking pretty ugly to me.. Cant wait to go tanning so I feel a little more confident.. It’s been so nice out lately, makes you wonder what summer is gonna feel like lol.. this is obviously global warming how else is it like 80 everywhere in the world?? haha..

 

Goodnight ❤

Food Log

8-830am Protein Shake
12pm Chicken Breast/ Edamame
3pm Nut Butter
4pm Steak/Broccoli
7pm Chicken Breast

930-1030pm 60 Min Cardio (stairmaster)

1045pm Chili/Ground Turkey

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