Tag Archives: binging

Procrastination Post.

Figured I would take this time to reflect. One because I usually do on Sundays and two because things are either about to get a lot better or a lot worse. My boyfriend broke up with me today. Okay maybe he didn’t but long story short, we should have a long time ago. He wanted to talk about it, I simply want to wake away liking him as an amazing person that he is rather someone I despise. Who knows but after this post, I am going to bed. My head hurts and I honestly was going to go out and eat a “cheat meal” aka emotional binge and validating it like a boss. But I didn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. I had an amazing leg work out, 30 minutes of incline walking, and 2 games of basketball in which I can hardly move. It may be a combination of a ridiculous work out and me taking out 2 guys during a game of basketball. Awkward. yet So badass. My battle wounds are getting better day by day. Lol.. kidding.. but seriously let me enjoy it because I could barely walk up and down the stairs yesterday..

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

Workouts have been on point and so was eating. I ended the four-week no cheat and felt like shit doing it. I don’t know. Thinking going lighter.. or at least find a way I feel less guilty about it. Anyways. Not unhappy at all. My body is definitely making progress and I am super stoked. I just need to stay consistent. It is literally key.

Yesterdays leg work out, which I was not excited to find out they were doing legs when I walked in. They were literally mid hack squat and me almost not making the work out, realized I would not have been unhappy if I did. Lol. But it was awesome. I felt (or didn’t feel lol) things I havent felt in a while. Justine had to literally extend a hand to help me off. It was crazy, exhilarating and hurt so damn bad. But good. ya know? ;p My legs were numb. H actually checked my legs out to make sure I didn’t tear anything. Crazy. Lol.. And to think that was JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE WORKOUT@!!!!!! Anyways we did some leg curls ext jefferson squats which are just annoying.. and finished with jumps squats I believe. It was insane. I chilled for a bit and went to chipotle. I ordered food and yet I was not hungry. I felt like I wanted to puke smelling everything. I ended up enjoying the water more than anything.. So I saved 1/2 of it and drank some Gatorade. I finished with clients, did 30 minutes of incline walking with Cylia and late at night played 2 games of basketball after Todd asked H but he declined. After first so did I but after they played a game he got me to play. It was nuts. My legs hurt so bad. We won. That is all.

Lmao.

I am slowing getting better. Going to lift back tomorrow which I am actually quite happy about. I want to post some progress ISH pictures. Mostly because in this picture I finally went under 150lbs! It was about damn time. Lol. Not that I care but it was a little small hooray type ordeal.

Imaweirdo.com

Imaweirdo.com

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

photo 1

😛

Wednesday: Clearly I haven’t found enough time to get to a wifi connection to post this. I have friday off so I will edit and post. I let this whole break up ruin my work out today. Then I ate some oreos. I realized that I take care of everyone before myself. I am 50% sure I want this break up. I validate binging and eating like shit on any bad situation. enjoy in the time, then hate myself not for eating it because I clearly loved it but hate that I am either behind now on how I want to look or I have more work to do. Knowing that I set myself back is the only reason I feel guilty about eating crap food. MMMMMMM I dont know. I feel sad.

#Americanhorrostory brb ;P

Thursday: Passed out after AHS. I love this show. Slept in, rescheduled the two clients I had. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been crying lately. Speaking of crying.. I was on facebook.. yep reactivated it.. and it was a series of photos that this husband took of his wife while going thru cancer. It was so touching. So sad, but the very last picture was her tombstone that read “I loved it all”, and as I am sitting here hurting over a hard lesson of a break up and this women was battling cancer and still loved life. I instantly was wiping tears from my face and really needed to take some time to reflect on all of this.

I will not allow it to succumb me. You can either crumble or you can conquer and conquer I sure as fuck will.

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NPC Ironman Bikini

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

photo 4

Top 3 Physique

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

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Some motivation please!

Motivational Monday eh? Seems about right. Had a shit show of a weekend again resulting in me getting arrested for the 2nd time in the last 3 months. I won’t go into detail about the way the Rosemont police department treated my boyfriend and I only because I have court Dec 13 and will explain from start to finish when I hear the verdict of our court case. My voice WILL be heard.

Any who I want to keep this post simple and to the point. I had a lovely lady text me needing motivation to get back in the gym. At which point I sent a sexy girl on stage just trying to make her laugh when she went further into detail. She explained that she gained a lot of weight and its hard to get back in the gym because its embarrassing. And its true, its such a horrible feeling to have to leave in the middle of a workout because I feel worthless unmotivated, like I’m getting no where. The thing is, is I was getting somewhere. It doesn’t take a day, wont even take a month but as long as you know that every day you are a day closer to feeling better about yourself, you need to hang on.

I have left mid leg press. Tears streaming down my face not giving a FUCK who saw and just walking out because I was so overwhelmed. Finishing 15 minutes of cardio and thinking I am wasting my time. Binging and not working out because of it. I’ve been through all of it and still to this day knowing what needs to be done in order for me to be happy, keeps me going. We all start somewhere, you just have to. It’s going to be hard, its going to suck you’re going to be tired and cranky most likely hungry, but in the end I rather be tired because of two a days at the gym then spending hours upon hours hating myself, hating the person I let myself become.

It sucks to have to write this. I tend to be the one that motivates others and its hard to help when I have been living in self doubt for awhile now. Its like listen to what I say because it will help, but I can’t seem to help myself right now. But I have been, for the last few days maybe even the last 2 weeks I have been putting a lot more effort into myself because it just got unbearable. The only thing I can say is that I hope everyone kicks their own ass and sticks with eating healthy and working out because once you let yourself slip into your old habits its hard to kick them. You get feelings that are beyond describable to where you just want to curl up in bed under the covers and sleep the day away. Ive had many days like this. Ive had days where my attitude changes in the blink of an eye because of my weight. I have skipped going out and enjoying life and friends and a good time all because my clothes didn’t fit right or I’m bloated from drinking a diet coke. My life hasn’t been easy. I’ve dealt with everything from anorexic bulimia and binge eating.I can pick myself apart better than anyone out there, living a life of self worthlessness but I know what I am capable of. and just because I am unhappy with myself right now doesn’t mean I am giving up. I’m ready to work hard.. I’m ready to give it my all. I want to be happy because I achieved something not wallow in my own self pity, but you know what that involves? The first step.

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I can feel it getting better :)

It’s Tuesday.. meaning no where near the weekend, and I am okay with that. I feel my best on the weekends though 🙂 No one expects anything from me Friday night thru Sunday so I can’t disappoint.
 
I am one lazy motherfucker.
 && I have yet to workout (see.. point proven).
 
..NOR can I remember the last time I binged or exceeded my daily calorie limit!!!!!! fuck yes!!!!
 
I have been giving myself what I want, and when I do that I almost don’t even want ALL of it (this makes sense because if anyone is familiar with binging.. you eat till you feel sick. Now I don’t even finish these “dirty” foods.. Amazing how the brain works..When I am not allowed to eat something (during contest prep), this is when I want it the most. AND I DON’T GIVE UP TILL I GET IT! and when I get it I want more. I want more that second. I want more the next day. Vicious cycle, yeah?
 
Besides a downward spiral.. my insides start hating me. (TMI) but I spend a lot of time on the toilet the MINUTE I eat something shitty.. learn my lesson any time soon? Possibly…… HOPEfully.
 
So yeah, I actually don’t mind my body right now.. yes it could be better but without working out (and paying attention to what I put into my mouth) has actually done wonders. Again, it makes me FEIGN for the gym lol.
 
I think I am ready to go back today 🙂
 
Oh shoulders. How I miss you..
 
 
I’ll start posting work outs and my food log starting tomorrow.. Just wanted to update this little old blog 😉 lmao.. I really wish I could finally get a comfortable feel for this thing but I cant. I am thinking WAY to hard into writing sometimes.. I am not trying to impress anyone.. though I KNOW CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE READING IT!!! haha.. again.. another work in progress..
 
One thing I want to mention.. From my instagram (maristheshit) I get a lot of traffic from people with questions or comments.. PLEASE feel free to email  me:

Liftlikealadee@gmail.com

With anything that may pop up.. Feedback.. Questions about diet or training.. Anything.
 
..La de da… I made stuffed green peppers last night.. ADD

Stuffed Green Peppers

Ingredients

  • 1 pound ground beef
  • 1/2 cup uncooked long grain white rice
  • 1 cup water
  • 6 green bell peppers
  • 2 (8 ounce) cans tomato sauce
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
 Directions
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
  2. Place the rice and water in a saucepan, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and cook 20 minutes. In a skillet over medium heat, cook the beef until evenly browned.
  3. Remove and discard the tops, seeds, and membranes of the bell peppers. Arrange peppers in a baking dish with the hollowed sides facing upward. (Slice the bottoms of the peppers if necessary so that they will stand upright.)
  4. In a bowl, mix the browned beef, cooked rice, 1 can tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and pepper. Spoon an equal amount of the mixture into each hollowed pepper. Mix the remaining tomato sauce and Italian seasoning in a bowl, and pour over the stuffed peppers.
  5. Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, basting with sauce every 15 minutes, until the peppers are tender.

Taken from Allrecipes.com

So I copped this recipe from allrecipes.com.. I think it was the first one that popped up. However I knew the idea behind it.. I just didn’t know the temp times and what not. I didn’t add the Worcestershire Sauce or Italian seasoning but a taco seasoning instead from Whole Foods. I used Ground Beef AND Ground Turkey and forgot (or didnt know to do) the last step… lol.. I think they were talking about the grease from the meat..that I poured out. Hmm.. However.. I have yet to try them.. but I tried the stuffing part and it was AMAZING. Ate 1/2 of the leftovers last night, and saved some to fill a pita pocket (Ezekiel) that I got from Whole Foods last night. Excited.

Sorry about the last picture I didn’t want to take the time to crop it lol. && The last picture was before I put the cheese on it and before it was put into the oven (they actually looked liked shit when they came out haha).. but I am super excited to try them out today 🙂
 
Will update a little more tomorrow hopefully.
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