Tag Archives: Birthday

Birthday, Binging and Bitching.

Well well well.. If you would look at that… what’s it been.. over a week now?

In that case, lets take a look into what I have been doing, or have not been doing with a little recap, and random as hell pictures I have taken through out the week…

So, life caught up to me and I have been having a lot of ups and downs. Still trying to feel afloat and stay positive thru everything that’s been thrown at me. I guess that’s all you can do right? A long story short, the week drastically turned for the worse when I visited my college looking for a few answers and was left with nothing. Literally nothing. No financial aid, nothing. I have no idea what went wrong but without help I cannot afford to go. Though, I am taking that with a grain a salt and focusing on spending that time studying for my NASM certificate. My certification that I have now, doesn’t expire for a little less than a year, but I want to refresh myself. I also want a more recognized certification, not some run of the mill one that I currently have.

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Spent friday before work, walking pitbulls at a rescue.

Spent Friday before work, walking pit bulls at a rescue.

After school took a dump on me, I was feeling insecure about the relationship I have with my boyfriend. Things have been super rocky and this takes a total toll on my life. I can’t allow that anymore. I am done over analyzing and not trusting him. Because in the end, I AM THE ONE SUFFERING!!! I am no longer holding my true self hostage over some one else. Yes, I still love him and will love him and will continue the relationship as long as its healthy, but no more doing what I have been doing to myself. Nope. Not going to happen. I would rather lose the relationship than myself.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But thats because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.  Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But that’s because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.
Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Lets jump around to another day shall we? One night we went to his buddies house, after we got some food at Jason’s Deli. I got a whole wheat wrap with spinach and turkey. Or should I say, a spinach wrap with a side of turkey. I was a little disappointed. Had mixed steamed veggies on the side as well. Though shortly after, my stomach started hurting. I ended up spending the entire time on the total debating whether I should move, or if I was in fact going to puke. Lets just say, I made it to the couch safe and sound. Now, this wasn’t exciting but this lead to my binging.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:     2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)     1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt     1/2 tsp cinnamon     2 tsp baking powder     1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)     pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice     1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)     1 cup milk of choice (240g)     1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)     3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)     1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g) Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:
2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)
1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)
pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)
1 cup milk of choice (240g)
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)
3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)
1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g)
Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Yes, you read that right. I, for the first time in MONTHS, binged. I believe it started Sunday night, or mid afternoon. I don’t know what got into me, but after going a month without cheat meals, I went crazy. Waffles and ice cream, chocolate up the ass. Literally.. carbs for days. I don’t know if I was just drained, mentally.. or deprived.. or depressed.. but I definitely stress ate the fuck out of everything in sight. Maybe it was because I knew my birthday was only days away.. but then again that would just be a validation and fuck those. So.. Monday was an all or nothing.. then it led to Tuesday as well. By Wednesday (my birthday), I believe I was alright. I got a work out in (the first one of the week) and continued to eat good.. That is till I got home. I told my boyfriend I was binging (which is the first time I have ever admitted to it) and he felt pretty bad. I think it was because he ended up bringing a pie over (again, for my birthday) and didn’t want me to feel anymore guilty. But let me tell you. I was looking forward to it and regardless of whatever was going on inside my head, it was birthday and I was going to eat it regardless.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

So, I spent my birthday pretty low key. Hung around the house, got to sleep pretty early. Thursday I had to be up at 4am because I had to wash my spray tan off (L O L) and had clients starting around 5am. Eating wise, I did okay. Snuck a few bites of pie in but nothing too crazy. Wonder why? well let me just cure your curiosity. The boy and I went to an all you can eat meat buffet. Yep. Texas de Brazil 🙂 I knew that going on an empty stomach wasn’t the smartest idea, as you may or may not believe. So I made sure I ate a little previously to eating dinner. THe night didn’t go as planned but I am not going to go into detail about it because I plan on moving on and remembering the good times. After we left for dinner, we rented a movie and got a small thing of ice cream. He mentioned going to the casino but by this time it was around 11pm and anyone that knows me even the slightest bit knows that by 11pm I want to pass the F out.. However.. I was actually open to the idea. After bumming around for 30 minutes we headed out. We only spent about an hour there. The first machine we sat down next to, I ended up winning $75. That was nice. Considering I have been to many casinos and HAVE NEVER WON BEFORE! I ended up cashing out, giving the boo back $20 and kept $40 in my pocket so I would be up all night. Left the casino and headed to bed.

Now we have today. Ate a pretty healthy “breakfast” at around 2pm and hung out with each other till I hate to leave for work at 3. I got to work and trained 2 clients, and then….. had 6 cancellations. Yep. So I ended up half assing a work out, went to the store for a few things and arrived home around 7:30pm.

Now.. a recap of what I have learned this week:

I needed to take a break from eating as clean as I did for 4 weeks.
I cannot depend on someone for my own happiness.
I can eat a lot.

Basically that sums up everything. But since this is a road to ripped, fitness enthused blog. I wanted to take a little look into what this week really meant. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That being said, I truly believe I needed this week “off” to gain control back. I needed to take a look at myself, whether it was in disgust (I mean.. come on. How would you feel THOUSANDS OF CALORIES later???), or in a positive manner. I ended up gaining 7 lbs and although I felt like crap the days I ate like crap (coincidence?), I was physically and mentally drained. I am currently 13 weeks out from another bikini show (which is a huge amount of time), and excited to get back on track. Because although I was LOVING the progress I was making, everything seemed like a chore to me. I was excited about working out (WHEN I was working out) but prior everything about the day was just annoying me. Prepping my meals, working out for however long, dealing with people and clients who didn’t take training seriously, or whatever it was… it was on my last nerve.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

So, what I am trying to say, is that sometimes we all need just a mini “vaca” away from our every day life once in a while. Especially if you are competing or working out tremendously throughout the week, you have to LISTEN to your body. NO! I am NOT saying to binge in any way shape or form.. but give yourself a break. If you want a PB&J sandwich.. have that motherfucking PB&J sandwich. This is LIFE.. you are supposed to enjoy it. Don’t fall victim to becoming obsessive and unhealthy about what you are doing. Training should give you a mental toughness on what you can endure. It is a way of life. It is supposed to help motivate you to make healthier decisions, to live longer, to be HAPPY and in LOVE with the person that’s looking back at you in mirror. Try to find a balance. We all just need to find a balance.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

So I am officially 23 years old 🙂

Here is a recipe that suits today pretty darn well from Chocolate Covered Katie.. I wonder if she knew it was my birthday… 😉

Birthday Cake Reeses

For the cake layer:

  • 2 tbsp coconut flour (or another flour) (19g)
  • pinch salt (1/16 tsp)
  • 1/8 tsp baking powder
  • 4 tbsp water (use much less if using a flour other than coconut flour)

For the filling:

  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 2 tbsp cashew butter (or nut butter of choice)
  • 2 tbsp milk of choice
  • 1/2 packet stevia or 2 tsp powdered sugar (omit for a less-sweet result)
  • optional: sprinkles

For the chocolate coating:

  • 1/4 cup plus 1 tbsp cocoa powder (25g)
  • 20-30 nunaturals vanilla drops or 3 to 4 tbsp pure maple syrup or agave
  • 1/4 cup liquid virgin coconut oil (Or omit these first three ingredients and simply melt 1/2 cup chocolate chips instead.) (58g)

Make the chocolate coating by stirring ingredients together. Spoon just a little of the chocolate into the bottoms of cupcake liners, mini cupcake liners, or candy molds. Then freeze 8-10 minutes. Meanwhile, combine all cake ingredients in a small bowl and microwave 2 minutes (or more or less, depending on your microwave’s wattage). With a fork, break cake into tiny crumbs. In a separate bowl, combine filling ingredients and stir well. If your nut butter is from the fridge, you may have to microwave a little so it’ll stir more easily. Take liners out of the freezer and top each with filling, then sprinkle on some cake crumbs. (You won’t use anywhere near all the cake crumbs, but I thought this was easier than giving ingredient amounts of 1/64 tsp!) Cover with the rest of the chocolate, and freeze until solid.

 

I’ll make them this weekend for when I really celebrate my birthday.. not this tuesday bullshit. Have a great day followers!

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Day 68 Happy Birthday Marley!

Friday the 13th………………… ugh. BUT!

Happy 2nd Birthday to the prettiest little baby ever!!!!

I LOVE YOU MARLEY!

:):):) ❤

Shell get a little birthday party tomorrow ;0

The Food Log

630am Protein Shake (Dymatize, Muscle Egg, Coconut Shreds, Ice).
845am Some Soy Protein shit I found in my bosses house (I was taking his kids to school). lol.
11am 1/2 chicken breast w/ mustard (dude. I love mustard).
1130am 12 Almonds.
2pm Chicken Breast w/ Asparagus.
5-6pm Egg Whites.
9pm Lean Ground Turkey/Onions/Broccoli.

The Work Out

No workout. besides 100 bw squats 50 pushups and my planks. Long story.

Day 68 in Pictures..

  1. Leaving Marley this morning. What a puppy face. Happy Birthday my love ❤
  2. Sorry bad picture (IT WAS DARK and early!!!), my morning protein shake, and lunches.
  3. Drawing at 730am. lol. (Told you I had to take his kids to school).
  4. Nectar Protein, I believe. Soy protein that tastes like shit. I mixed it with a little bit of water and just chugged it. Then tried to find something to take away the taste and couldn’t. So I dealt with it a bit. You do what you gotta do!
  5. Got to work and chilled. Found out I am on the Chive.com… browsed a bit before, but didn’t think it was as big as it is..
  6. Chicken and asparagus!
  7. Just some lovely model, Sara Allen, looking fresh.

My boss left before noon which is AWESOME. Had to drop his kids off at school so I had to be up at like 615am. Decided yesterday that I wasn’t going to do AM cardio because I would be in complete and utter bitch mode. Ill just kill it in the gym tonight, even though they close at 10pm. WTF IS THAT BULLSHIT, seriously still pissed off about this issue. Anywho, so what does my boss leaving mean?????????

STRESS. FREE.

yep.

I just do my thing and thats that 🙂 I will surf the web, do practically the entire layout of my blog (case and point), go on pinterest, wanelo, you know. lmfao. 1228pm will update later.

Blahblah blah got off work at 6pm, and let me tell you I have already been up since 545am… so I get off at 6, wait for Mike. Shit happened at work and shit got held up so 630pm came along. I was getting a little annoyed (I’m telling you if I am going to be wasting time it will be in bed), so time was ticking. Then 645pm came and he finally got to rocking. So we chilled for a little big did our thing and by the time I left it was 745pm….. I needed to be at the gym by 8pm to even get a decent work out (plus cardio). So I got home it was 820pm… I had decided  I WAS going to go but to Xsport which is a 24/7 gym… only like 20 min from me and the only gym open past 10pm ON A FUCKING FRIDAY (SOME PEOPLE DONT HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE THE GYM. IT WOULD BE GREAT TO FEEL ACCEPTED!)… no. I will NOT stop bitching about it.. it has GOT to be the dumbest thing, and 8 on SATURDAYS?!??!?!?! WTF???? dude… I’ll work the extra hours if I get to work out. I really would. It’s just so stupid, those hours are VERY popular in the lifting life lol. Any who I started making food and thought it would give me energy, but the longer I stood up the less energy I felt. So my mom said “accept it, and work harder tomorrow.” Alright. So Little miss grandma over here was in bed by 10pm  (after I got done with the push ups and planks). And that was my friday night. (btw one day maybe I will mention my stalker, because they kept me up a little last night, my personal blog may be posted one day.. I have an interesting life lol).

😉

This last girl has my heart

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