Tag Archives: change

Bulk now, Lean later.

It’s come to my attention that people actually read my blog. I mean I know they did bu..nevermind. One of my lovely followers on Instagram (@maristheshit) last night commented about reading my blog regarding “bulking”.. It was a straight sweet thing to read but I got nervous… I write with no filter, no proofreading and am constantly saving after each paragraph interrupted by work (its my fault, im blogging during work hours meh)… It’s really my fault and not making enough time to sit down and produce a well versed or put together blog piece.. but I think of this as more as my fitness journal/journey documented via the computer. It’s shows a look into my life and how each part of my day revolves around my road to self acceptance.. from recovering disordered eater to a fitness competitor. So I apologize if I sound like a complete twat sometimes.
..on to the actual reason of this post.. I wanted to actually EXPLAIN what bulking is by definition but want it to be known of how I do things.. my way of course..
Bulking is by Urban Dictionaries definition:
Bulking is a process commonly used by an individual wishing to gain weight. Commonly used in bodybuilding (Off-Season) but will also be used by fitness enthusiast. Bulking attempts to build MUSCLE MASS

Simply it is an attempt to eat a healthy diet to gain weight, whilst minimizing fat gains. The basic principle of bulking to to consume more calories than you expend. Typically a bulking diet will consist of around 6-8 meals per day, spread out every 2-3 hours. A cleverly structured diet will show the breakdown of carbs,protein and fats. Typical bulking calories usually range from around 3000 to 6000 and should be tailored to the needs of the individual and specific goals.

 but overall by defintion:
 bulk  (blk)

n.

1. Size, mass, or volume, especially when very large.
2.

a. A distinct mass or portion of matter, especially a large one: the dark bulk of buildings against the sky.
b. The body of a human, especially when large or muscular.
3. The major portion or greater part: “The great bulk of necessary work can never be anything but painful” (Bertrand Russell).
4. See fiber.
5. Thickness of paper or cardboard in relation to weight.
6. A ship’s cargo.
v. bulked, bulk·ing, bulks
v.intr.

1. To be or appear to be massive in terms of size, volume, or importance; loom: Safety considerations bulked large during development of the new spacecraft.
2. To grow or increase in size or importance.
3. To cohere or form a mass: Certain paper bulks well.
v.tr.

1. To cause to swell or expand.
2. To cause to cohere or form a mass.
adj.

Being large in mass, quantity, or volume: a bulk buy; a bulk mailing.

Phrasal Verb:

bulk up

To gain weight by gaining muscle: dietary supplements that helped the weightlifters bulk up.

 

Bodybuilding.com
.. actually a fantastic site for the “bulking” phase of this lifestyle show a few steps that caught my attention..

dot
3. Eat Enough Calories To Grow But Don’t Get Sloppy
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You will most likely gain some fat when bulking. In order to gain muscle you have to eat more calories than you burn and doing so can lead to some fat gain. Some people try to stay shredded while gaining muscle by either not eating enough calories or doing too much cardio. Doing so may allow them to stay super lean but they won’t be gaining much muscle. At the other end of the spectrum some people eat everything in sight to get as many calories as they can. This strategy will definitely lead to weight gain, but a lot of that weight will be fat and not muscle. The best approach is to eat sufficient calories to gain muscle but don’t get crazy with your eating and still doing some cardio to maintain cardiovascular health.

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4. Do Some Cardio While Bulking
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I recommend doing 2-3, 20-30 minute sessions of cardio each week while bulking (ideally on a non-weight training day) to maintain cardiovascular health and keep you fit. Cardiovascular training improves the heart’s ability to pump blood and increases oxygen uptake into cells. Strenuous weight training can be aerobically taxing and therefore having an efficient, strong heart will allow you to train harder. In addition, a fit person burns more fat at rest than an unfit person, so doing cardio while bulking can help keep you lean.

Read the rest of the article here:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/top-10-rules-successful-clean-bulking.html

Now.. What I am doing:

How can I explain this. When you work out you have to take into consideration that you will be burning calories **(okay it also depends if you half ass shit alright? That’s why its the best to get a heart rate monitor to track JUST how many calories you are burning. It makes that much of a difference in the long run. Have you ever seen the number of calories you burn when you run on the treadmill?? Yeah now practically cut those in half and that’s your real number of calories burned. The only cardio equipment I see that’s SEMI accurate is the stairmaster and the spin bikes.. So if you don’t understand why you aren’t losing weight, its because calories are calories no matter what. If you’re half assing your workouts but eat like you ran a marathon.. it’s going to catch up to you)** Sorry about that.. so although my heart rate monitor is sitting on my desk (my spacecaseself just needs a battery.. what the shit.. lol that’s it!) Any who, I can guessitmate the amount of calories I burned and can alter the amount of the food I consume post workout (yes this is NOT accurate.. obviously)… but I don’t always have a good workout and I need to take all of that into consideration. Shitty workout usually = shitty amount of calories burned =less food to refuel..  I have been doing this for so long that once you get the hang of it you almost don’t even have to measure anything (off season of course, competing really does get down to a science).

..With that being said, I am consuming a lot of carbs. Bulk now, lean later! I have a banana in the morning with possible oatmeal (besides my regular protein shake). I have rice cakes throughout the day, and greek yogurt with grapes on occasion. I eat brown rice for lunch and possibly a carb pre and DEFINITELY post workout. I am also lifting HEAVY and burning many calories during a workout. I use the food to FUEL me and my workouts, then feed them after wards to they gain some shape. Once I have “filled” out, whenever I see the most progress, I will start upping my cardio and taking out foods one at a time. It may decreasing a meal in which it has carbs (never on leg day though. Leg days I EAT unless last week post comp).. Whatever it is, the longer I train and pretend to compete I will soon see my abs again..(and I can’t fucking wait). Another huge thing is you may feel uncomfortable, clothes might not feel right, may at times feel “fat”.. Like right now.. I feel bloated as hell and I just feel swollen. Like all over..Every where. lol. But it is what it is. I just have to be patient, and know that the more cardio I end up doing the leaner I will get but in good time. It’s all about calories in versus calories out and being smart about it. I want to see the kind of shape I can put on my legs and I will continue to eat and lift to do so. I think they have some potential.. ok ok.. I think I have some potential 🙂

Definition of potential: existing in possibility : capable of development into actuality.

A little peak into my everyday life… Eating rice cakes sitting in traffic, stoked about leg day.. walking Marley and her being all cute and shit and ending the day with a fantastic dinner grilled by the boy.. Really finished off the night 🙂

Food Log:

Am: Protein shake with fruit probably (Dymatize, Flaxseed and Hemp).
1030: snacked on a rice cake with a few almonds..
Another snack: greek yogurt and 1/2 c grapes..
Late Lunch: chicken “fried” rice..
On my way home (post workout): Applesauce, A few rice cakes and some protein later on after I prepped my meals when I got home..
Post Workout: A slice of Ezekiel with Nuts n More Protein PB and a small banana..
Dinner: MEAT!

See so right now I am not watching what I am eating.. or at least the amount of which I am eating. Once I get closer and closer, like mention previously, that’s when things start getting a bit rough (early morning cardio, no more cheat meals.. you know, the basics! haha)..

Make the most, and Enjoy everyday!

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Nutrition FAQ

It’s no longer a 8 week challenge but a 6 week challenge. Yes, fml.
 
Doesn’t matter. It’s all good. It’s like exhausting being fat. No lie, I don’t know how people do it. I am no more no less 5 to 8lbs.. I couldn’t imagine being 50+.. I really hope that whoever does read my blog, understands that you can have whatever you want. If there is a will, there is a way. But it will either take money time or discipline. It’s hard work getting a body your proud of.. whether working out or eating and gaining weight (some people don’t mind being over weight. Too each their own).. I just preach about loving yourself. If you don’t like the body you’re in.. or the person starring back from the mirror.. do something about it. Change it… Work for something you DO want… that you ARE proud of. If not.. either deal with it or keep it to yourself. being negative isn’t good for anyone..
 
I have been receiving a lot of emails regarding weight loss and tips and here is the basic information again. Yes it has been posted before.. but 100 something posts and 100 something followers later.. 🙂 Just for a little recap/update so it’s a little fresh 🙂

liftlikealadee@gmail.com

Here, I am just going to focus on the nutrition part of losing weight, toning ext.. It will get way to complicated and I truly feel that the eating part of this lifestyle is extremely hard to stay focus with and we end up calling it quits after a few excuses as to why you couldn’t eat healthy that day… and trust me.. I have heard EVERY excuse known to man. I don’t really care what it is.. and if you really need to come up with an excuse as some sort of validation for personal reasons, then so be it, but you’re not hurting me. Those excuses mean nothing to me. What you eat doesn’t effect me, remember that. With that being said.. this isn’t easy.. you will need to prepare (or pay extra for it to be prepared for you), and you need to be patient. The years of damage that has been done to the body (of an over weight individual) will not magically disappear over night and this is not one lesson I want to learn the hard way.
 
Below is a list of the foods that should be the only items in your shopping cart. Now you CAN eat. I use to be really bad about carbohydrates in the aspect of thinking they were to blame on weight gain. Now, what a little education does to someone. I recently finished a nutrition class and realized that I was doing more harm than good. I do understand and base most of my nutrition off primal blue prints idea.. with eating like our ancestors, however they don’t allow grains. Now from what I have learned from school I am going to stick with my complex carbs and allow brown rice and oatmeal. It gives me more options (I don’t really care for sweet potatoes).. and they are not processed like whole wheat bread. Anyways, I want it to be known that YOU CAN EAT CARBOHYDRATES! BUT!! Yes there is always a but! You have to use these carbs. You can’t just sit on your ass and expect it not to be stored as fat (a calorie is a calorie no matter if it comes from a protein or a carb or fat… if you over eat it will be stored and cause weight gain). The best times to eat carbs are in the morning hours..1. This way you usually have enough time (from when your up to when you go to bed. Your body burns calories just moving. From eating to brushing your teeth). 2. Your body goes thru a little “fast” when you are asleep and you need to replenish glycogen stores (if you don;t understand anything, PLEASE GOOGLE!).. Another great and should be mandatory time to eat a carbohydrate is after a work out.

What is processed food?

The United States Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act, Section 201, Chapter II, (gg) defines processed food as “any food other than a raw agricultural commodity and includes any raw agricultural commodity that has been subject to processing, such as canning, cooking, freezing, dehydration, or milling.” This definition establishes parameters for the Food and Drug Administration, or FDA, to regulate quality and safety in the food processing industry.

“Despite these benefits, a diet exclusive in processed foods will almost certainly lead to disease. Our bodies are designed to eat natural, raw foods; there’s no doubt about that. Raw foods contain beneficial enzymes and nutrients that are destroyed through processing. Just because a pill contains the “nutrients” of a whole shopping list of vegetables doesn’t mean our bodies get the same benefit as eating the vegetables themselves. Nutrients, enzymes, and other components of the foods we eat work synergistically. We really don’t know how well they work when they’re isolated from each other, or when we ingest synthetic versions.”

“Eliminating all processed food is probably not going to happen for most of us. But we can make better food choices and supplement our diets with missing components. We can opt for the apple over the apple juice. We can choose a baked potato or salad over french fries. We can choose whole-grain bread over the white fluff that is passed off as bread. We can take the time to read food labels. Chances are, if you can’t pronounce it, you shouldn’t be eating it. We can choose processed foods with a very short list of ingredients; the longer the list, the more processing involved, and the more nutrition lost.”

Shopping List:

  • Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breast
  • Tuna (water packed), or White Meat Chicken (water packed)
  • Fish (tilapia, cod, halibut, and on occasion salmon and sea bass)
  • Shrimp
  • Extra Lean Ground Beef or Ground Round (92-96%)
  • Buffalo steak (lean)
  • Protein Powder (lactose free)
  • Egg Whites or Eggs
  • Rib eye Steaks or Roast
  • Top Round Steaks or Roast (aka Stew Meat, London Broil, Stir Fry)
  • Top Sirloin (aka Sirloin Top Butt)
  • Beef Tenderloin (aka Filet, Filet Mignon)
  • Top Loin (NY Strip Steak)
  • Flank Steak (Sir Fry, Fajita)
  • Eye of Round (Cube Meat, Stew Meat, Bottom Round , 96% Lean Ground Round)
  • Extra Lean Ground turkey, Turkey Breast Slices or cutlets (fresh meat, not deli cutsComplex Carbs
  • Oatmeal (Old Fashioned or Quick Oats)
  • Sweet Potatoes (Yams)
  • Beans (pinto, black, kidney)
  • Oat Bran Cereal (watch sugar, less than 6 grams)
  • Brown Rice
  • Ezekiel Bread (frozen healthy section of Kroger’s or Whole Foods)
  • Farina (Cream of Wheat from box)
  • Multigrain Hot Cereal
  • Pasta (Whole Wheat, Ezekiel brand – watch serving, very dense)
  • Rice (jasmine, basmati, Arborio, wild, brown)
  • Potatoes (red, baking, new)
  • Kashi Low Sugar Cereals (less than 6 grams of sugar)
  • Whole Wheat Pita (Low Carb Variety – Joseph’s Pita Bread, or Food for Life brand)
  • Carbdown Flatbread (Wal-Mart)
  • Corn Tortillas (Food for Life Brand is best, microwave to make crispy)
  • Whole Wheat Tortillas (Food for Life brand)
  • Rice Cakes (lightly salted only)

Fibrous Carbs & Vegetables (Fresh first, frozen second, canned last choice)

  • Green Leafy Lettuce (Green Leaf, Red, Leaf, Romaine)/Bagged Salad
  • Broccoli
  • Asparagus
  • String Beans
  • Black Beans
  • Spinach
  • Bell Peppers
  • Brussels Sprouts
  • Cauliflower
  • Celery
  • Mushrooms
  • Pickles
  • Cabbage
  • Sprouts
  • Cucumber
  • Green or Red Pepper
  • Onions
  • Garlic
  • Tomatoes
  • Zucchini
  • Squash
  • Spaghetti Squash (my fav)
  • Pumpkin

Fruit

  • Berries (blueberries and raspberries)
  • Lemons or Limes
  • Melons (not watermelon)
  • Grapefruit
  • Apples
  • Dates
  • Grapes
  • Oranges
  • Eat bananas, strawberries, peaches or plums sparingly (lots of natural sugar)
  • No dried fruits, including raisins (loaded with sugar)

Healthy Fats

  • Natural Style or Organic Peanut Butter, even better, Peanut Wonder (Whole Foods Market)
  • Olive Oil or Safflower Oil
  • Nuts (peanuts, almonds)
  • Flaxseed Oil
  • Avocado

Dairy & Eggs

  • Low-fat or fat-free cottage cheese
  • Eggs
  • Low or Non-Fat Milk (eat dairy only occasionally)
  • Non-fat yogurt (look for low sugar only)
  • Fat-free String Cheese
  • Fat-free Cream Cheese
So this isn’t bad is it? You can find some SUPER healthy yet SUPER quick to eat each day. I love stuffed green peppers, and black bean brownies. Below I am going to list a few websites where I wouldn’t be the same had I not found them via the web. They are all saving graces. The stuff these girls come up with is far beyond me but I appreciate it to the fullest. The recipes range from “paleo” to gluten to sugar free recipes (desserts, dinners ext), yet all so amazing. Again, it may take a little extra time in the morning ( I do all my cooking on sunday but yes when I am lazy I go to Whole Foods and get enough food for the day. I only recommend this because I LOVE WHOLE FOODS!!!!!! But it does get costly), but it is all for good purpose. I would hate for someone to actually be hungry.. because yet I get hungry pains (which try drinking eater first. They say your body thinks its hungry but really dehydrated. IF not at least you get a little fuller on water and will either wait a little longer to eat the next meal or will eat less if you do decide to eat).

www.paleomg.com
www.chocolatecoveredkatie.com

I will add more, so check back or watch for future references.

My products and what I use..

I use Dymatize in casein (cookies and cream) and their protein powder (elite gourmet- chocolate) as well.

Myofusion (chocolate) but the ORIGINAL FORMULA not this probotic BULLSHIT- tastes like heaven. So if you can find the original Myofusion in chocolate snag it. You want to drink a healthy motherfreakin chocolate milkshake…heres your chance!

NOT THIS ONE ^ #hateyou

For peanut/almond butters try and find one with almonds as the only ingredient (be advised that these are $5 jars lol).. if you cant do that ingredients should only be peanuts or almonds, salt, and some kind of oil.

PB2 is a great peanut butter “substitute” (I guess you’d call it. It is peanuts in powdered form. WAY less calories and fat.. but you have to either use it in that form, for baking, or add water to make a paste. Tastes great though! They have plain and chocolate flavored.

Nuts ‘N More is a almond butter (they also have peanut butter), but it has whey in it.. so for 2TBS there is 14g of protein!! and it really does taste amazing. They have plain and chocolate in both PB and almond butter as well.

P28 breads– In love. Nothing else I can say. Both items (sandwich bread and bagels) taste great, but the bagels are by far my favorite. It’s bread with 28 grams of protein..yep. and the bagel toasted….so.fucking.good.omg.

QUEST BARS– A “dieters” saving grace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even kidding.. I am totally surprised this isn’t listed first (not that any of these products are in any type of order, it’s just these are AMAZING). They come in a wide variety of flavors and all are amazing, however some taste better warm (like the brownie one.. add some pb HOLY FUCK!).. but they make you smile. *Try to stick with the original line and not the natural ones (the natural ones have more sugar alcohols meaning more empty carbohydrates).

Larabars– These are great but should be eaten in the morning or if you really just need a sweet treat. They are made with dates and cashews or whatever they decide to come up with. My favorite is the chocolate chip cookie dough.

Most of these items you can find on: http://www.muscularinsider.com
The specialty products (like the nuts n more) can only be purchased via their online store.

Making sure you have healthy snacks around at all times is super important. I always get random urges to eat unhealthy (usually when someone brings snacks around, or the smell of pizza masks the room during lunch), and if I have something to snack on or keep my mind at ease, it’ll hold me over.
 
But in the end if you eat something shitty or overeat.. move on. Life is too short to give up altogether because of a few extra calories. Go work them off if they bug you that badly, but youre okay! I promise. Don’t allow food to control you. You are your own responsibility.

My food schedule 101:

I eat an hour after I wake up.
I eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours.
I eat a carbohydrate only in the AM hours, and after my work out ONLY (Unless its a cheat meal).
I eat a protein in every meal.
I don’t skimp on fats either (but again I don’t track my macros. I become way too obsessed, so I eat when I want).
If I want it I have it.
No processed foods. No fast food. No added sugar products.
Cheat meals are once a week (Cheat MEAL not cheat DAY.. huge difference and a day full of bad eating will set you back at least a week worth of progress… so.not.worth.it).  
 
I am not afraid to eat. If I want something I have it. Everything in moderation is key. You can still live and do the things you want to do and eat the things you watt to eat but you have to be smart about it. If you want to eat extra food or more calories then a normal day just know that you are going to have to work it off or don’t eat it. Unless you really don’t care then you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog in the first place.
I am becoming a little space case and can’t think of anything else that I have been emailed about or useful information.
 
This is what I know and what I know works for ME. I have been a personal trainer for aw file and have trained clients and aided in their weight loss. I know that a calorie is a calorie and a pound of FAT is 3500 calories. You do the math. If you don’t work out and over eat…. yes the pounds will be a packin lack in! And weight gain (unless is muscle) sucks dick!!!!!!!! That and it totally takes more time to take it off as it does putting it on. #smh.
lol.
 
Plain and simple.. stop eating junk, processed and fast food (the ingredients should be wholesome natural organic and less than 10 ingredients if it is so called “processed”).
 
Eat to live; don’t live to eat, every in moderation, and be patient 🙂

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One day at a time..

It’s been 5 days since I last worked out, and I feel great.
Surprisingly.

This weekend I didn’t plan around my workout schedule (because I didn’t have one).. nor did I beat myself up over not going. I enjoyed myself. Worry free.

Am I finding my balance?
Am I closer to happiness then I think?

 

🙂

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78 :(

Ohhhh Monday.

6am Cardio
9-5
Work
6-9 Nutrition Class

The Food Log..

8am Quest Bar
11am Blackened Chicken Breast
230pm Ground Turkey w/ Spinach
6pm Chicken Breast w/ Veggies
9pm 2 Mini Ground Turkey Filets

The Workout..

6am 30 Minutes Cardio

Day 78 in Pictures..

Today was just another day. Not feeling too good. Looked at myself and I do NOT look like how I should for my contest. Not going to give up thought, I have been training for months and I lost a lot of weight and I look TEN times better then how I looked before I started all this. I may not look how I want now, but I will. This is my lifestyle now, just sucks I put pressure on myself to lose the weight in a timely manner. Ugh.  I have to stay positive.  Sorry this blog was so short. 😦

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Day 74 Finally I found the Black Bean Brownie Recipe :)

Cravings have gone down. Cept I want cheese fries so bad. Cheese ingeneral now.. Isn’t that weird? I use to HATE cheese… and as long as its melted.. I can pretty  much eat it all 🙂 So weird… But anyways cheese fries are a whole nother story. They are awesome. Even better? Hooters Tatertots.. They are the potatoes that you use to get at lunch with that nasty excuse for a hamburger (I’ll show you my kind of hamburger lol), but these tots are loaded with nacho cheese, that green onion shit that’s amazing, sour cream and bacon. Holy fuck. Awesome. Everything about it. So. fucking. good.

Sorry.. I am trying to stop.. really.. lol..

On a better note I COME WITH A BROWNIE RECIPEEEE!!! And I am posting it because its healthy, they are made out of beans, and I need to cut these nasty cravings for this evil thing we call sugar. I still have a little less then 3 weeks so no I won’t be making these any time soon but I lost it and NOW I FOUND IT AGAIN!!!! So here it is.. super stoked.

Vegan Black Bean Brownie Recipe

For the Mix:

black bean brownie ingredients photo 300x200

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/4 cups raw sugar
1 1/4 cup cocoa
4 tsp instant coffee powder
1 1/2 cups chopped hazelnutsYou also need:
1 15 oz can black beans, rinsed and filled with new water
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup of water (eyeball it by filling up half the empty can)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together the flour with the salt and baking powder.  For a nice layered presentation in a jar start with half the sugar,  then add half the flour mixture, all the cocoa, the coffee powder, the remaining flour, the remaining sugar, and the nuts on top.  When ready to bake, dump out the jar into a mixing bowl and stir to combine all the dry ingredients.

Drain a can of black beans and rinse thoroughly until the water runs clear.  Return the black beans back to the can and fill with water.  Puree the beans and water.  Add the puree to the dry mix along with the vanilla and extra cup of water.  Stir to combine.

Pour the batter into a greased 9×13 pan.  Bake for 25-30 minutes, rotating the pan around halfway through.  When the brownies are finished they should be firm in the center and the edges will be slightly puffy and starting to pull away from the sides.  My batch was finished at 28 minutes.  It’s important not to over bake in the oven because they will keep baking once you take them out.

Let brownies cool completely then use a 2×2 in cookie cutter to cut into 24 squares.

black bean brownies photo 1024x682

The Food Log

730am Protein Shake
1130am Chicken Breast w/ Mustard
230pm Chicken Breast w/ Asparagus and Mustard lol.
545pm My new found love rice cakes w/ Walden Farms Caramel Topping w/ Spinach and Turkey
9pm Eggs and another rice cake and topping. SO FUCKING GOOD I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!

The Workout

6am 45min Cardio (Stairmaster)
730pm Back and Cardio 🙂

I don’t have much time to fill this in, so I will when I get home I just needed to post it.

Started with Lat Pulldown 5 sets up too 100lbs

then unilateral row, seated row, back ext, planks

+ 30 SOLID (no rest, High intensity) minutes of cardio.

Day 74 in Pictures..

ok fine. no more.

  1. My pickle. Everyone went to Potbelly 😦
  2. My pre workout meal. lol I WAS CRAVING SPINACH WTF?!
  3. Found the new love of my life. Sugar Free Rice cake w/ cinnamon and Walden Farms no calorie Caramel spread. HOLY HELL. It tastes like a pancake, to cinnamon toast crunch cereal, to french toast, back to apple I don’t know, but its awesome.
  4. Post workout- 3 eggs 1 egg white w/ Garlic and another amazingness in my mouth.

Today has been good except all the cravings (no I will NOT binge, or eat any of this. If I did it would be after my show lol).. but I did morning cardio, and did a semi decent back work out, but killed late night cardio. I need to start adding more time and taking away certain things.. I am almost 2 weeks out and at that point I will need to cut most fat ALL sugar and majority carbs. I wont be able to have artificial sweetener either lol. Ugh. SO not happy. lolol My suit should be here within the next week. I also ordered tattoo make up (really just for a large birthmark) and figured out my tan and my makeup. I randomly got a message and she wanted to trade (personal training for hair/ tans) HOW FUCKING AWESOME!!! My tanning last year cost $100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I did my make up and trust me you could tell. haha anyways.. hopefully now all I need to focus is losing fat but keeping my ass.. ahhhhhh YEAH!!! :):) Gotta keep this mentality going!

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Day 54 The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.

BOULDAH SHOULDAH

Wanted to hit it hard today because I was kind of running low on time (was getting to be 8pm, gym closes at 10pm).

Seated Shoulder Press x3

30lbs (each arm) x 12reps
15lbs x fail

Lateral Raise to Front Raise x3

15lbs x 12reps
15lbs x fail

Incline Flye x4

15lbs x 10reps
15lbs x fail

Seated Cable Chest Press

I actually don’t know the exact weight (8) x4
x 10reps

45 Min Cardio Elliptical 10+ level

25 Min Cardio Treadmill 7+level

Day 54 in pictures..

  1. Protein Shake in the morning =D
  2. A picture I had someone photo shop to prove a point.
  3. My chicken breast on the go.
  4. My date night friday.
  5. I was only going to do the last 5 minutes on the treadmill, then I realized LA closed in 15 min….so I overachieved like a boss.

Today was a pretty good day as in regards to eating. Period was pretty bad (cramps, bloating), but other than that every things all good in the hood. Some personal issues arising (good and bad), but like I said in my last blog, can’t say too much for now. Will expose later :):):):):):):)

** Btw sorry my blogs have been boring the last week or so. I have no idea how I want my blog to look, how I should post things…. so please bare with me.. I will do a FAQ soon, so if you have a questions, don’t hesitate to ask.

Have a great weekend press people!!

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Day 30 My only wish is I die real.

HAD TO START WITH SAYING 2 MONTH CIGARETTE FREE!!!

But I feel like shit.

I felt like shit last night too, so woke up 15 min prior to  me needing to leave. Not like I give a shit, but Marley would NOT stop whinning at 6am. My mom had to come in and take her out, shes such a weirdo.

But back to me feeling like shit. It feels like acid reflux. Haven’t had it in AWHILE.. so it’s weird that its coming back now. FUCKKKK I took 3 tums last night and I woke up fine, now it hurts again.

Had a dope ass shake though.

830am W/ the nasty WF vanilla P. powder with fresh pineapple, frozen mango ice and water (oh and fiber). It was awessssssssssssssssome. I am going to add coconut oil tomorrow 🙂

Anywho its 1041am I found Raw almonds in a customers car LMFAO. I had to go in it to get the title and all of a sudden a bag of unopened almonds popped out. FUCKING PERFECT. I was starving and not only was my stomach hurting from WHATEVERTHEFUCKISGOINGON, i had hunger pains too. 😦 No bueno.

So I ate a handful of those then had a piece of pineapple. MMMMMM I LOVE FOOD!

NEED TO GO TO THE DMV today, but Matt isn’t here. I am seriously in so much trouble. :(:(

Bought another sweatshirt from LIFT BIG EAT BIG. The purple one. 🙂 I only bought one sweatshirt from their because I am rewarding myself. I haven’t gotten any check from school cathy or my tax return so this is my money rewarding myself for hitting day 30 🙂 But I want like 2 or 3 more things 🙂

&& I want these SO BADDDDDDD ❤

Anyways. I am in a really good fucking mood. the weather is FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! no joke its 68 degrees March 6. Take a few seconds and thank WHOEVER you think is in charge of life and death and thank them for another day here on earth.

Actually what if death is better then life? lol. Like once we die its like a never ending party. hahahaha justkidding. THANK YOU GOD FOR TODAY! ❤

I feel myself getting a little hungry (231pm) I have more pineapple that I shouldnt eat, actually I CAN, omg stomach pains again 😦 but I may go sneak some more almonds lmfao.. ITS LEG DAY TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Lets see some sexy legs!!!!!!!!!

So far doing legs 2x a week is going great. My ass is huge, and its staying that way, all while my legs (thighs ext) are thinning out. FUCK YEAH!..

See I’m positive about my body when I’m in a good mood, and think I’m pregnant when I’m not.
Writing things down does help…….

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

924pm Just an update

Left for work at 5pm. Got flicked off and tried to run off the road TWICE. I was taking a video of the first guy because he was acting crazy and as soon as I was about to hit off I said ” and I need to cut this guy off”.. but hoesntly THERE WAS ENOUGH DAMN ROOM. it wasn’t like a huge ordeal. Well I turned the record button off and continued driving. Well the road merges back onto the highway or follow with traffic. Well this guy got on the further road to go straight and wouldn’t let me in.. Pretty much he was running me off the road.. WEll I saw I had like 100 feet and sped up and I didn’t give a shit if he hit my car. He had a mercedes and I simply didn’t care. I wouldn’t of said anything, probably wouldn’t of even stopped had he hit me lol.. Anywho I got my camera back on and he started acting normal till he got on the right again (after fucking with me) and I slowed down and rolled down my window.. I wanna see if I can post the video here.. lol

Nevermind it won’t let me :(:( Hopefully I can figure it out sometime.. But he said, cut me off one more time bitch.. and he sounded so flustered like he knew he was on camera lol and didn’t know if he was going to roll down his window or not.. whatever hahaha.. I can’t believe it.. thats 3 times in 2 days..

So I got home I ate a piece of steak again at like 445 so I only ate a couple scoops of applesauce (just because lol) and part of a lara bar.. I had a lot of fruit today.

Got to the gym at 730pm

Squats!

60lbs x 10reps
80lbs x 10reps
90lbs x 8reps
100lbs x 6reps
110lbs x 4reps

Moved onto lunges. MHMMMMM started at 40 lb DB in each hand

80lbs x 100 MOTHER FUCKING LUNGES BABY!

My forearms wanted to give up more then my legs did. My legs were hurting at the last few reps.. like wobbly type shit. Then went over to the Leg Ext.. Even though I was going to do calves but I was kind of spacey.

65lbs x 12reps
80lbs x 10reps
95lbs x 10reps
110lbs x 8reps
125lbs x 8reps
140lbs x 6reps

FInished with 3 sets of 10 reps (45lbs) seated calf raises.

Did 2 set of planks. I was hurting. I did 10 box jumps though lol.. and I really didn’t feel anything jiggle up and down lol.. whichhhh is fanfuckingtastic.

🙂

Got a diet coke (yes I am taking full advantage before I can’t drink it anymore)… ate some stolen almonds. And then made a smoothie.. coconut mango pineapple… mmmmm so fucking good.

Probably all Im gonna eat.. I want to go to bed at a normal time..

I have been thinking about things… and I really need to stop getting so upset about things so fast. Everything can be solved. But first you just need to breathe. Honestly. ENJOY your life. Do something for YOU! Not only that find something you can hold on too.. That gives you faith.. that gives you hope… I really think people need to start living for  something.

Then I get to thinking about how people can’t even say thank you or bless you when someone sneezes. How people can’t even hold a door open for someone anymore, and I think people are going to just take a few seconds even to thank the universe for all I care, just to be alive.  Life is so precious and you really don’t know when its all going to end. but when it does I want to have at least help or have helped someone… anyone.. I want someone to have been changed by something I stood for or just said in general. I want little girls to know that they are beautiful. That the outside does NOT define who you are inside. That vanity is ignorance to the beauty thats around us. I want people to be happier.. just fucking stop hating each other.. why are you holding a grudge? why is everyone SO DAMN MAD ALL THE FUCKING TIME?!?!

The thing is is I always LOOK mad, completely different then actually being mad.. yes perspective is everything and everyone judges, but honestly I think in my life, I’ve been more sad then mad and I used being angry to cover up wanting to always cry. I mean fuck I’ve done my fair share of crying (and I could cry at just about anything lol). But I think I rather choose to scream and yell then to crying and hyperventilate.

I always knew anger was a second emotion but never put much thought into it. The thing is is I wasn’t mad at the world, or people around me.. I was just upset at my life and how I was living it. I was probably jealous and envious over certain peoples lifestyles, bodies, cars  (whatever the fuck it may be) but never truly upset with anyone.. Not even my dad who introduced himself to me on my 8th grade graduation.

Yeah my mom thinks I should be angry at him but honestly I don’t. He didn’t leave me, he never hated me.. Shit happens and people react in different ways. Hence what I am saying about myself. I choose to do stuff differently (judge people ext), and no one really told me I was ever wrong, Just like my father knows (hopefully) but thats it. As long as you learn a lesson from past mistakes I think in the end it will make you a better person. Though they say never to regret anything, well I don’t believe in that. I don’t mean sit there and dwell, but I don’t think regretting something is wrong. It doesn’t do much, but its not wrong. I think it would be wrong if you didn’t regret it (meaning you’d do it again).. Idk to each their own.. I just wish I didn’t have to hurt people to become what I think is a better person now.

Words hurt. Words stay in peoples minds. and I am so sorry to anyone that I have ever hurt.

and trust me, I have hurt people with the words I have said. I am not proud the fact that I can hurt someone so badly with just the words that come out of my mouth. and to think I WANTED to hurt someone with them…

I was just lost. lost and confused 😦

Shit this could go on forever but I am going to end it here.. its going on 10pm..

Point is.. I am a different person now. I do not judge anyone, because it is not my place to judge. Being open and having people being open with me, has made me realize that just because a person is smiling on the outside, that they are not living, going or been thru hell.

I have heard some fucked up stories, that I couldn’t even dream up if I wanted too, not to mention, would I have EVER of guessed that this person has been through, what they went thru.

Just please the next time you want to say something mean rude, hurtful disrepesetful ext.. know that not only do sticks and stones hurt…. so do words. and some people are going thru enough behind close doors, that they don’t need an ignorant jackass talking shit.

Sorry. Idk why that all came out.. 😦

Anyways I’m going to bed. Sorry to bore the fuck out of you.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 27 randomly ranting

***** Sorry for the random posts! WP is going crazy on me, and is publishing things I don’t want to be published yet. My apologies!!!! This blog isn’t done yet…………..

Guys, if you want big legs you have got to squat. Girls, if you wanta shelf like, bangin’ ass you have got to squat. For the first few years of your training you should squat, squat and squat some more. Everyone’s goal should be to squat double bodyweight, at least. And I’m talking about real, full squats, at least to parallel.

Can you tell its Leg day today?

Should be after I ate 6 cookies last night. wtf? then my mom came in my room and asked if I had taken them, and I said yes. She asked what I did with them I said throw them out. I lied. She knew. She then saw the box on the end of the bed. UGH. I asked her, Im like WHAT ARE U TRYING TO DO MOM>>!>>!?!?!?

She said I need to figure out why Im doing this. and QUITE frankly. its BECAUSE I FUCKING SMOKE POT. THAT and because I was bored and have my period. I don’t know what else to say. I Had a perfectly fine day… I ate good all day. So I dk exactly what was a trigger, but the more that I think about it and try to solve it the more that it feels like a problem to me.

and I don’t want it to be a problem anymore.

I want to get past it. So thats what I plan on fucking doing.

So I will accept the fact that I ate 6 cookies last night and I will move on today without a care in the world.
I will also NOT do extra cardio to make up for the extra calories.
Iwilllovemyselfevenwhenidontwanttoo.

(Besides I did go a whole month without a cheat meal, usually id get 4 a month, lol but enough with the validation).

939am heading down stairs to make a meal. don’t know what though. Gonna hit legs at about noon.

1047am Had the last of my myofusion protein powder with super blend and coconut milk (a wonderful item I got at WF last night). I got my chicken breasts, coconut and almond milk. Edamame. Flaxseed Chips (pizza flavor), Kale Chips (DIS FUCKING GUSTING), and these 8 fucking dollar cookies that AGAIN TASTED AWFUL. ol. well 😦

and then I sat and talked with my mom for a little bit regarding addiction.

You can be addicted to ANYTHING, and its a a scary fucking thought. Some of us don’t even know it. I am trying to regain my life back everyday, and be stronger. I want my relationship with God stronger. I want to FINALLY live my life for me.

Randomly Ranting.

Getting pumped for the gym. Not so much deadlifts, because they hurt so bad (now that I’m finally going heavier!!!).. haha but Ill manage.

L I F T B I G !

12pm Hit legs HARD. Started with deadlift 12 12 10 8 6/ 50lbs 60lbs 70lbs 90lbs + bar

Resting was 10 bw squats in place.

35lb dumbbells 100 lunges

Lying down ham curl maxed OUT AT 50lbs lmao.

Then went and did 5 minutes of planks.

I was SHAKING after. Not to mention some girl at the front desk (who is always super pissed at me because I forget my key tag E V E R Y time.) well I didn’t have it again today 😦 but she asked me if I wanted to go to Sound Bar tonight lol.. why is it that everyone wants to go downtown tonight? Literally had 5 people ask me too?????

Was suppose to go see Nikki at World of Wheels but I didn’t wanna rush anything today so whatever.

115pm Chicken breast 1/2c rice and some 2% cheese.

(my cheat on the weekends are I am allowed to use cheese, condiments, and eat “more” carbs. Some people eat more PB, some actually go out and have a huge calorie/fat meal. Which is OK! it throws off your metabolism and makes it work harder). I choose not to do this anymore, or this time around because I can’t control my cheat meals. My cheat meal turns into a cheat day, so I will RESOLVE the issue, and continue to eat WHOLE foods through out this contest prep.

2pm I just finished a salt bath/bubble bath. I usually don’t take baths bc you just see yourself lying there all fat and shit. So I just take showers mostly. But to be honest, I am not THAT bad. I am white as fuck (tan skin always makes u look better), but def in good shape for being 10 weeks out 🙂 2 and 1/2 months. I could change lives in that amount of time. No reason I can’t do it myself :):):):):):):):)

In 4 days it will be 2 months since I quit smoking. WHATTTTT UPPPPP!!!! (stoked as fuck).

haha in about an hour or 2 I am going to start cooking. For todays MENU haha

Jamie Easons Turkey Meatballs
Black bean brownies
A pumpkinPizookie and
sweet potatoe fries. 🙂 YUM.

630pm Just ate the yummiest food ever.. okay so remember how my cheat meals consist of good eating? Well I wanted corn.. IVE BEEN HAVING WEIRD CRAVINGS FOR CORN! and so I got these single packs. So I heated one up, got some broccoli and my blackened chicken from Whole Foods and some lite sour cream and it was fucking delish. Like. really really good.

OH and I did have a weird craving for cookie and cream ice-cream and then I passed by Culvers and the flavor of the day is cookie dough craving.. are you fucking serious?

The one before that? Oreo

and before that? Chocolate covered strawberry

I am just assuming that since these are all of my fave, that the flavor of the day will be campfire smores. Ill be so fucking pissed.

Anywho, I’m staying in today. LIKE USUAL.. lol ill start going out later, but for now I enjoy my family/fitness lifestyle right now. It makes me happy. In the summer I will be better with the whole going out thing.

In a week or two my second class starts. Hmmmm SO Mon and Wed I have class. SO those are my two days off, (besides when I need to do my cardio in the am on an empty stomach) so that means I can miss any day because of OH IM TOO TIRED BLAHBLAHBLAH.\

Actually now that I graphed that out I may not need to have another day off. I just wouldn’t do cardio and still get a 45 min leg work in.. but its still possible. It just all depends on how my legs and butt come in.

And about the whole baking thing.. I don’t know about that. it is only 7pm, but I don’t know if Im going to fill up for it.. Maybe just the black bean brownies (because I am craving something chocolate no thanks to my lady friend), and save the rest for tomorrow, show Justina how to eat healthy lol.

so that means I should clean my room before I go to bed.

Church Tomorrow.. so church taxes workout – chill. haha ❤

So all I do is surf fitness related articles websites blogs, everything.. well I was looking over for a picture to put above and stumbled on lift big eat big (the sweatshirt I’ve posted before), and found it quite interesting. although I haven’t done their workouts, i wouldn’t mind trying.

The only reason I never did cross fit or any other designed program was bc when something was supersetted, I would literally have to either run across the gym to do so, or it was impossible because of the people, Id just get frustrated (yes my excuse) but Id gonna spend some more time on this site. Im always telling eric (who told me about it years ago) that I wanna do cross fit ( I would love to do the cross fit games actually) but I never do. Ugh.. maybe thats a goal for me, like add it to my bucket list. lol.

25 Tell-Tale Signs That You Lift Big & Eat Big

This post is dedicated to all the members of the Lift Big Eat Big club.
1.Your waist may be the same size it was in high school, but you still wear 2 pant sizes bigger so your ass will fit.
2. People never ask when you will be finished with the squat rack because they don’t want to be on the receiving end of your cobra death glare.
3. Going back for seconds is not a privilege, it’s a duty.
4.Over 75% of your Facebook friends are either shirtless or have weights in their hands. The other 25% are just family members.
5. You know squat.
6. The meal is not over when you are full, the meal is over when you hate yourself.
7. A fridge full of milk and meat should last you until the end of the week.
8. Your eye twitches every time you see a set of half-squats.
9. You spend each night refreshing your gym’s homepage, waiting to see tomorrow’s workout.
10. You keep an extra stick of deodorant on hand in case of a surprise outbreak of the meat sweats.
How I look heading into the 6AM class.
11. If you had a nickel for every time you explain that firming and toning is BS, you could retire.
12.You can walk into large groups of people on the sidewalk and they will always get out of your way.
13. No, it’s not like Zumba or P90X.
14. After a day of heavy 5×5, walking down stairs is the hardest task imaginable.
15. You enjoy blacking out as runners tell you about how great their endorphin high was.
16. You don’t need to go to go to the doctor, because squats and fish oil can cure every ailment.
17. You spend more time at work reading training logs than actually working.
18. You are happy when your butt looks big in those jeans.
19. The recession doesn’t worry you nearly as much as when your new shirt is coming in the mail.
20. Being called “skinny” is offensive.
21. Have some pain? There is a MOBWOD for that.
22. Yes fat is good for you, and you make sure that everyone knows it.
23. Males shy away from the squat rack when you warm up with their max.
24. Every shirt you own has a gym logo or workout reference on it.
25. You base others self worth on their TOTAL score.

I’ve been called a meat head before, and I took it as a compliment until I realized it means idiot. L M F A O.
Funny part is< i don’t think he knew what it meant either, and maybe he did but he wasn’t the type too make fun of me.. but I suppose its true now. hahahahha ohhhhh man. . But this is dope. Im just glad that people are into lifting as much as I am. I really would love to go pro. I think that should be on my bucket list too. I don’t see why I wouldn’t lol. The more the do it, the more my name will get out there and Im sure I wouldn’t step on stage if I looked like shit. Regardless its a GREAT time. I always get so nervous, but this is truly something I thought Id never be able to do. :):)

Makes me happy, knowing that I achieved something I never thought I would. and here I go again right? lol I really want a sexy suit though. I still haven’t really decided. I don’t want jennifers white one because I will ruin it with the tan, and the coral one won’t be ready. (btw never said anything but she asked to follow me on instagram haha!), so now I will keep searching till I see one that catches my eye. It will DEF have chains on the sides though.. OK ok pointless blogging..

I am going to see if this posts tomorrow at midnight, 12:01 actually, because thats what it is set for. But apparently it already posted…. bc WP was being all weird, but well see if that works.

AND BECAUSE of the OLYMPIA, that I didn’t go too :(:( But here is a beautiful 40 year old PRO! She is beautiful.

Cheryl Brown

Goodnight ❤

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Day 22 #healthygirlproblems

8am I have been broke all week because a small shopping spree, and me having to pay for school, so I have $21 till tomorrow morning.  I didn’t have food to take to work this morning (I got lazy so its my own fault), and just so happens my gas light turned on.. well since I didn’t want to ask my mom or take money out of my savings, I decided to put $5 in my gas tank and leave the rest for my blackened chicken breasts from Whole Foods. I guess I’ll figure out how to get home later 😉

#healthygirlproblems.

830am Myofusion Protein Shake LIKE USUAL.

9am Learn that 4 students were shot at an Ohio High School. Please pray for a safe recovery.

The reason I am so tired this morning is because I stayed up late having “deep” (lol) conversations with someone, and this topic was brought up. About how people are inhumane. How people could look so “normal” on the outside and be so morally corrupted inside. I was never always a good girl, but I couldn’t DREAM up some of this stuff that people do (killing animals, brutal murders, ext). It’s just so unbelievable that people could honestly do some of the things that go on in this world.
905am I prayed for the first time in awhile. It felt so good.
1015am I am hungry. Drinking tea and a diet coke. Will eat a lara bar in about 30 min or so.
1207pm Super hungry. Had a PB Chocolate Chip Lara bar. It was actually pretty good, but I got to be careful of the ones with the CC’s bc they have sugar in it (not sure if its natural). Gonna head to Whole Foods again for my chicken breast.
Is it weird that I am super excited to get off work everyday and work out? Lol
I was so spoiled before when I was a personal trainer. I got to work out whenever I had free time. I was literally at the gym from 6am to 8pm (sometimes 10pm depending where I was with training for the competition). But no joke, it wasn’t even like going to work. I LOVED my clients (for the most part haha) and enjoyed going to work everyday for the WHOLE day. One day though, one day I’ll be back. I had a little taste of what I want to do for the rest of my life, and now I’m just creating a path, something I can be excited about and PROUD OF. Something I can feel like I accomplished by myself (I’m still trying to see my strengths and what I’m “good at”). I do know that I will be in the fitness industry or something pertaining to it for the rest of my life. I don’t see myself not caring about my body, or helping others feel good about themselves. I know one day I am going to finally feel like I “used everything God gave me.”
Actually that’s a really good quote, I’m googling it:

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”

SO powerful <3.

1pm I went to whole foods, and got 2 blackened chicken breasts. Honestly every time I go into Whole foods I get excited.. More #healthygirlproblems? LOL. Btw I googled to see if I could make a website or something, but some girl already has it AND IS NOT GIVING IT ITS FULL POTENTIAL! I wonder if I could like…. buy it off her.. I think its a great freakin idea.  Not to mention my “facebook friends” have said they want a Bad Boy of the Day, as well as Bad Bitch of the Day// lol I thought that was kind of funny. I just don’t know how it would all work.. Ill think about it.

So anyways I left Whole Foods only $9.57 later. CHEAPEST TRIP TO WHOLE FOODS EVER!! and I ate one of my chicken breasts in the car. Is that weird? actually I really am weird.

230pm and I’m eating Justin’s Chocolate Almond Butter packet (180 cals), stomach is already growling.

Not sure what I want to do today in the gym. I just did legs on Saturday so I’m waiting till tomorrow to do those again. My arms , more specifically my tri’s, hurt like a bitch. Which is great, because my arms NEVER are sore the next day. I also think my arms are the weakest part of my body. I would LOVE nice defined arms. ❤ ❤

SO fucking sexy.

Btw forgot to take a progress pic. Don’t mind though, I’m really more worried about 9 weeks and later (9 weeks is usually where most people start dieting, depending on their off season).
5pm Ate 1/2 of the other chicken breast IN MY CAR, like the first one.. Seriously here I am banging my dub step with a huge chicken breast in my hand. Just IMAGINE IT!
630pm Ate the other 1/2 of the chicken breast, 1/2 of a lemon lara bar, a cutie (orange thing), and the last 2 PB&J squares.
8pm Finally got to the gym! Super excited about working out. I have no idea but I honestly feel like a whole new person. Ive stopped letting people get to me. Ive stayed positive when life takes its turns, and overall I just live life with out fear. And thats something that I could NOT say a few years ago, probably even a month ago.

I am F E A R L E S S !

So I hit the gym with probably one of the best attitudes that I have had in a LONG time. I first hit Assited pull ups (can’t wait to do these on my own, superfuckingexcited). I then went to a unilateral row (went pretty heavy here). Follwed by a super set consisting of a Wide grip row and a pullover. Then ended with some machine I actually have no idea what it is called (went heavy here too). I finished up with 5 minutes of planks and 20 minutes of the stair master. I feel fucking AWESOME!

930pm Came home and made a protein shake (myofusion banana and pb2 ice water) tastes great 🙂 Finishing up the blogs, updates, emails, and then gonna call this one an early one. Sorry today was kind of boring.. Not much going on. 😉

My lift big eat big sweatshirt ❤ 

And for some reason I look super skinny. Idk why..  
Def excited about this change though. It’s only gonna get better from here on out. Have faith, and everything else seems easy.

Goodnight ❤ 

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