Tag Archives: Compeition

Wednesday 31/83 (2/6)

Fuckkkkk. I really need to stop comparing myself with other people because frankly, it is not working.

7 weeks to go and I feel it’s not enough time. My legs are getting lean which is a good thing but I see no definition in my arms (which has ALWAYS been a problem) and my abs are only visible when I wake up in the morning. Though makes perfect sense with the amount of water I drink. Still going to train as if it IS enough time and worry about it later.

Again, I have plans to limit my carbs and fruit intake and up the amount of cardio in a few weeks, so hopefully (fingers crossed) everything works out. Just so nerve-racking sometimes.

Nothing is really effecting my mood lately or my want to binge because that “want” isn’t there anymore. I love my cheat meals but I don’t count down the days till I get one as surprising as that sounds. I do have a hershey kiss in times of “need” 😉 but that’s as far as it goes. My cheat meals aren’t even that calorie dense anymore. I just don’t live to eat and that’s how it should be!

My life outside of the gym has been good as well. It’s my boyfriends birthday the day before Valentines day so we are planning on going to Texas De Brazil in Schaumburg which is pretty much an all you can eat MEAT restaurant. You have these cards on the table, along with mashed potatoes, cheese filled biscuits and bananas haha, which are red on one side and green on another. You place the green side up if you want the servers to come around, or flip it to red when you need a little breathing room lol and trust me that red side comes in handy! They come around with endless amounts of meat and it’s just plain awesome. I haven’t been there is forever so super stoked to finally get to go!

Things are starting to look up and I will explain a little more in to detail when I know the time is right.. or when I know I am allowed too 😉

Keep pressing on folks!

 

 

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Monday 29/83 (2/4)

So here is my first progress picture:

photo(1)

I had another one where my stomach was showing but honestly with how my legs looked, I looked WAY too disproportional. So I decided to go with this one.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I have barely done any cardio (in the fear I’d lose my ass) and still eating quiet a few carbs. While I was in bed last night I was playing around on my calender on my phone and setting a few reminders. Adding an hour of cardio in about 2 weeks (currently doing 30 minutes of cardio after my life session), taking out fruit 4 weeks out and so forth.

I have been creeping a couple peoples pictures on instagram and have been actually getting quite nervous. I feel like I am not going to be ready. I shouldn’t even think this because I still have 7 weeks left to go. I just get nervous sometimes. I barely have my abs and my arms are always slacking. The only thing I feel good about is my legs. I do know that once I start taking out a little bit of carbs and my fruit and up cardio that I should start seeing more results, but the clock is ticking!

Either way, I will be happy with my body because it is TEN times better than it was before I started. I just need to keep up the momentum even after I compete. I really don’t see a problem with it either. New things are arising so getting into the gym everyday will NOT be a problem.  Not only that but I honestly haven’t binged once. UGH! I keep wanting to blog about cheating and bingeing and just haven’t gotten around to it. I just think its really important to know that you can have whatever you want as long as it is in moderation. I always feel like shit after I binge and feel so guilty that it turns into a vicious cycle.

Not this time.

I can honestly say I feel so much better regarding my relationship with food. I have found the joy in treating my body to the food that it deserves, not the bullshit cravings I create in my head. Yes it is nice to splurge and eat moms homemade apple crisp (last night..oops!), but one serving was enough to satisfy myself with. Yes, I could of ate the whole pan. Yes, I could of felt guilty and consumed a thousand more calories just because. But I no longer want to. I want to live my life and love the body I was given. I am taking all of this time and putting it into the gym that I actually feel guilty when I “snack”. Now this isn’t right either but you have to understand I am trying to compete here in a few weeks. Anyone just living the healthy lifestyle should not feel guilty because of one or two hershey kisses!

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Day 92 – Tuesday 5/8 (Last week).

So it is Tuesday, May 8..

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” -Peter Marshal

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oddly the days aren’t flying by like I imagined. It seems like everything has been working out in the smallest ways, therefore making life a LITTLE less stressful.  Granted I just finished a 3 hour exam and have been getting up religiously for morning cardio. The only thing I would say that I am stressing about is losing my ass even more then I have, and getting my period (TMI but I kinda feel it coming. Oh but a little FYI this happened last show too haha).. The only thing that sucks about that is bloating.. and holding water.. this = DISASTER..

 

 

Any who.. at this point, it is what it is. My favorite quote, and something I say almost daily to myself. Its a reminder that we cannot change somethings and I do believe that everything happens for a reason (STRONG believer in this).  I am just going to take this as another thing to check off that I accomplished, something that I trained for for months, something I worked damn hard at (and sometimes not so much HAHA)..  This has been a learning experience for me. As most of you may already know I have struggled with body image for quite some time now. I use to follow what everyone else was doing, and doing shit to my body that I would be ashamed of now. I did whatever I could to look good outside, so I could feel good inside. Little did I know, that was the entire battle. A pointless one. One I wouldn’t win unless I stopped fighting AGAINST the one person I was trying to love all along, myself.  I have eaten next to nothing for days, I have also binged more then one would admit too, I have taken numerous amounts of diet pills, yes I have done a lot in the 23 years I have been living. But growing up hating yourself is a full time job and I am sick of it. It makes me feel uncomfortable, ugly, useless, worthless, and then I turn mean. More so because I am sad inside, but because I am upset with myself. I feel like I failed. How can food be controlling my every move?

Because I allowed it.

No more guys. I sit here with my belly rumbling and 1/2 gallon water sitting next to me. These are different conditions. I am on the last week of my 3 month training regimen, about to walk the stage in 6 inch heels and a bikini in front of hundreds of people, and 4 judges about to critique MY BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No this isn’t for everyone. Trust me.

It is more mentally challenging then it is physically. The first one I trained for I was shocked. The changes your body goes through and how your brain tries to follow along just gets demanding and you’re left confused. You have to have a happy place and I hope that happy place isn’t balls deep in a bag of Doritos. I don’t believe this was a good decision (regarding competing) in each of my situations only because I wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t ready mentally or emotionally but I did it because in my mind I needed a “goal”. I needed a time limit so I couldn’t make excuses (how’d that work out for me..). But now after this (which surprisingly I have the best attitude towards it then I ever have), I feel so much stronger. Yes I can lift a lot but I mean inside. I feel like I finally have control. Food is fuel = energy. Use it as such. Yes there is a lot of tasty foods out there and yes I think everything is okay in moderation, but why have copious amounts of fat on your body at all times?

Nothing good comes out of it.. PROVE ME WRONG I DARE YOU!

and if you tell me you don’t give a shit and you just want to enjoy food because it tastes good, fine but I can ONLY imagine what you think when you see yourself naked. Honestly.

Alright followers this is a little update/ inside my mind for ya..

Today’s schedule-

7am 30min Cardio
9-5pm Work
7pm Hair cut
830pm Leg Workout + Cardio
1030pm Sports Nutrition Project
11pm Bed

The Food Log

8am 1/4cup Oatmeal, with a 1/2 scoop protein powder, and 1/2 grapefruit.
1130am 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
230pm 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
500pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)
800pm Some kind of protein
11pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)

Just a few pictures because we know how I love to take them..

  1. What I had yesterday morning for breakfast. Awesome  ya?
  2. My meals and snack for the work hours.
  3. What my fridge looks like (see upside down again.. wtf).

The Work Out

Don’t even know. Having Taylor there should help keep my energy up (since I don’t have any)..
All I really know is we are going to be squatting A LOT.. that and lunging like we’ve never lunged before..

Should I tell her how sore she is going to be? lol.

Final Week Check List (cont)..

  • Finalizing hotel today.
  • Picked up Mac foundation, lip gloss, and eyelashes.
  • Need to buy ice packs for coolers.

Other then that, I don’t really need anything else. Everything will just happen as each day passes.. Like tomorrow might be the only day where I don’t have an appointment somewhere.. I just have my final project due for my nutrition class.. But Thursday I have a late nail appointment and that’s when I will be checking into the hotel.. Only a couple more workouts and then Friday after my tan I will just chill all day probably flexing.

HA!

Alright I am going to get back to work and hopefully things continue to stay peachy.

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