Tag Archives: Compete

Nothing new.

Besides what seemed like my whole life crashing down, I seem to have regained my balance. I went this whole week with great work outs and fantastic eating. This weekend, though, was a different story. I wanted to have 2 cheat meals, instead I practically ate shitty the entire time. Today, I am regretting the entire thing. I am feeling like complete crap. My stomach is hurting and I can’t seem to take enough medicine to help it. This vicious cycle of clean eating, turn binge is causing a lot more damage than keeping me sane. Doing quite the opposite actually. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am going to deal with the consequences but I will no longer beat myself up. Though I feel like I look like shit on top of actually feeling like shit, I need to KEEP, not even take, but keep my head out of my ass. I see what this does to me, yet do this all the time. When will I ever learn?

Starting tomorrow, Monday I am adding two (30-45) minutes of cardio in a week. I will keep my calories at about 2000 to ensure energy through out this process. I was actually contemplating whether I should do more work (cardio) or take down my calories. All of a sudden, I see a post from Erin Stern that very day speaking out about what she does. It makes the most sense. Do more work, keeping energy up for that work, then when time comes, take a few hundred calories off a day. Most likely drop to about 1700 but really all depends on how I look. I am about 3ish months out. If any one has competed knows that magic could happen in that amount of time. Knowing this, I still get bummed out. Summer is over and I wasn’t at my tip-top shape. I wasn’t happy to be in a bikini. Although, I know I looked okay, I didn’t feel great. It’s a little disappointing. But let me tell you, if I wasn’t competing, I would have stepped my game up. I would have done cardio more than once a week, and most likely dropped my calories down to look good. I didn’t want that.

But I struggle each and every day knowing that I completely 100% do.

It is so easy telling everyone around you to trust the process, but damn if it’s not easier said than done…. I look at myself and see so much that needs to be done but in due time. I just want to be lean already!!!! Its frustrating. You know what you could look like and what it’s going to take to get there, yet you look in the mirror and need to say, alright.. one day at a time. It WILL happen. Enjoy this ride..

Really? Thats almost as bad as baking brownies and needing to wait till they cool down to eat them.

Fail.

I feel like this process never gets any easier. This is literally a full-time job and I am getting burnt out. Thats why I took a week off last week, and now I have missed 2 work outs because of it. I feel lazy and unimpressed with my progress. I am consumed with looking and feeling good and its something that I have yet to control. This is not only my hobby, but my job. It is like i know nothing else. Dealing with eating disorders and insecurities it has now merged and become one with my life. If I feel fat, my whole day and attitude is ruined. I take it out on other people in which I apologize, but who really gets affected by this, is myself. I am bipolar as all hell. No, not medically diagnosed, but its a no brainer. I eat shit because of my fuck it attitude, I cry because I then feel like I ruined my progress, I work out hard as hell, then get dumped on by some other lifes curveball and I feel like all I do is take it out on myself.

Life is not easy. I feel like it is a constant struggle to keep my head above water, but I will be damned if I give up this fight. Everyday does NOT get easier, you just find ways to cope. I am going to do my best to stay positive. This road to ripped is sure a long haul but I cannot wait for my destination.

 

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Day 60 The hardest victory is over self.

Thursday

Ain't that the mother fuckin truth!

9-5pm Autowerks
730-10pm KILLIN it in the gym. Boulder Shoulders.

The Diet

…is not working. Sorry :/

The Work out

Seated Shoulder Press

30lbs (each arm) x 10reps *supersetted* w/

Squat to Front Raise (ask if you don’t know)

25lbs x 10reps

Lateral Raise

15lbs (each arm) x 10reps *supersetted* w/

Squat to Shoulder Press

30lb (each arm) x 8reps

Front Raise (cables)

5 Minute Planks

45 Minute Cardio

Day 60 in Pictures..

  1. School reimbursed me and it couldn’t have come at a better time. && my protein shake tasted like a jelly doughnut and it was AWESOME!
  2. MY NEW SPERRYS!
  3. Went to Whole Foods because I was going no a road trip. BLACKENED CHICKEN!
  4. Steak pieces…. wtf. lol.
  5. Treat before BOULDER SHOUDLERS!
  6. 330 PLANK!!!!!
  7. After plank.. like a boss.
  8. DINNAH! Post Workout. Sirloin. Brown Rice. Onion.

Today was a good day.. wasn’t at the shop much. Went to Wisconsin and that took a while.. (so I snuck to Whole foods to grab some goodies 🙂 However.. I’ve been thinking about it and I am 5 and 1/2 WEEKS OUT. OMFG! Time is passing and I don’t feel I am giving it my all. Still taking pics so I’ll show y’all the transformation 😉 The next post or two is going to be dedicated to my bikini, because I NEED IT ORDERED LIKE YESTERDAY!!! I really don’t want to stress :/

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