Tag Archives: diet

“Don’t let the fight consume you.”

I read this at the exact moment that I was meant to read it.

Post in progress.

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Life as I know it (for the time being)!

WOW.. it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks. Up and down an all around…

Lets first start off by saying how hard this is to type, considering I fractured the BLEEP out of my left hand. I just finished up with the doctor just a few short hours ago, where we decided to go ahead with surgery. I’m not saying
I’m thrilled, but happy that things should be back to normal in a few weeks. That being said, I have had two legit work outs in the last 3 weeks. Lets just say, I have been rather depressed. Seems like it’s a domino effect lately. More so, because I am constantly reminded of my lack of being able to do.. well just about anything. For the first week, I couldn’t even put my hair up, or tie my own shoes. Boy, did it make me feel guilty. Just always taking things for granted.. really made me appreciate the things in my life more. Maybe that’s why it happened… who knows..

Regardless, I am still facing challenges each and every day, and not being able to work out has made me feel .. like I lost part of myself. All I have ever known, has been working out and personal training.. and something this small has taken that from me (for the time being). I was deadlifting 255 for REPS and really pushing forward with my prep for competition. I mean.. this happened the day before I was supposed to compete in a DL comp, where the girl who won (and there was ONLY 1 GIRL in the comp) only lifted 235lbs.. let me tell you… that did not sit with me well.

Although my lifting has taken a back seat for a bit (I still lift legs as much as possible, and as much as I can), I promised myself that my “diet” will be the thing that holds me together. I was scared at first.. I was eating cookies practically every day and still  maintaining.. I was barely doing any cardio.. and then BAM! Active lifestyle cut short. I had to do something or I was going to self destruct.

So far so good.

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To be honest, my body is taking the lack of heavy lifting extremely well. I couldn’t believe it.. I woke up and had abs sitting up! Nothing I am doing is crazy extreme.. all I am doing is watching what I eat.. aaaaaaaand passing up the cookies (just for now). I am not counting calories, my macros.. nothing.. I probably should be but until I feel its necessary, I would rather just eat. I do prep my meals still, but again, no measuring of anything. I do take spin classes every other day (heavy resistance), to get SOME activity in my life. Like I said, I would be lost without it… I mean.. it really is my life. Even if I can’t train myself, I train people for a living and now, I can’t even spot someone correctly…  😦 But.. that’s not what this is about.

It’s about appreciating life. Really.. just in general. I mean, I broke a finger and I felt hopeless at times.. I felt like I lost myself.. I felt dependent on people for the dumbest things. Shout out to Justine for tying my shoes countless times..

smh..

But it made me appreciate the fact that I still have every other working limb. That in 4 weeks, I will be healed. Where as others won’t. Where mine seems so minor compared to others. I could only imagine the pain the suffering others with major health issues face. I pray for them, and I will continue to pray for them. When something is taken from you it affects you emotionally, and some times those emotions get the best of you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I appreciate every single client, gym goer, and just random strangers, that try to boost my moral each and every day. It has been so heart warming to know that even if people are just being nosy, they took the time to ask how I was doing. It really has made me so much more appreciative of the life I live.

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We get it.. Take away food, you’ll lose weight.

Why low carb diets “work”- yes.. using the word (work) extremely loosely..

Weight loss or gain is primarily related to total caloric intake, not the macronutrient profile of the diet. The weight lost on a low carbohydrate diet can be attributed to two factors: low caloric intake and loss of fat-free mass. If an individual begins dropping carbohydrate rich foods from his or her diet, it is inevitable that caloric intake will drop as a result. Added to the caloric reduction, are dwindling glycogen stores. For every gram of glucose taken out of glycogen, it brings with it 2.7g of water. This loss of muscle glycogen (including water) can be quite significant in the first week of a low carb diet, and adds to the pounds lost on the scale. This is how low carbohydrate fad diets can promise dramatic weight loss in such a short period. Long term success in weight loss is associated with realistic eating style, not one that severely limits or omits one of the macronutrients.

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Project Clean Up!

I finally decided to sit down and write. I don’t know what I am going to write, but I have a crap ton of photos, that will help in describing my life in the last couple of weeks.

Things have been hectic to say the least.. Studying for NASM, going through transitions at work and at home, and just trying to stay on the road I think is best. Its been hard, and I am not afraid or ashamed to say, that even though hesitant at first, I think its best if I talk to someone professionally. I have too many outside biased opinions that I feel cloud my mind at times. I want to sit down and explain myself and figure out if I really am crazy.. Okay a little dramatic, but I do feel it sometimes.

The one thing that is getting me by, is the group of friends I’ve previously mentioned. Having such a tight-knit group is something I can’t explain. I guess I have never experienced this kind of true friendship. Its awesome.. that’s just put it that way.. Not to forget that I have learned SO much.. more than I have in the last 4 years trying to get by on my own. 6 months with these people and I feel like a new and improved person. They make me feel good.. at all times.. I think that’s so important during the stressful times of contest prep, or just simply living the life of someone who works at a gym.. someone who takes it seriously (yes I have to put a disclaimer.. I see your sales guys eating McDonald’s over there)… such a shame.

Any who.. enough lovey dovey shit.. I have been eating like crap for the last week. Burgers.. upon burgers.. ice cream, frozen yogurt, McDonald’s.. You name it, I probably had it. This is a great way to start loading pictures, dont cha think ;P

@SMOKE bbq

@SMOKE bbq

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night... haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night… haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured...

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured…

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and prok fried rice. We. get. down.

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and pork fried rice. We. get. down.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

I suppose I should of started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change... BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure ;)

I suppose I should have started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change… BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure 😉

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips... sweet cream icecream... mmmmmmmm

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips… sweet cream icecream… mmmmmmmm

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this... icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this… icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger....... Cajun fries..... I was in heaven.

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger……. Cajun fries….. I was in heaven.

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

Beginning of the year 2014'

Beginning of the year 2014′

So, as you may know I am an avid believer in eating clean. However, I don’t know exactly what went on here. I didn’t calorie count or track anything (besides the pictures), but you can tell I wasn’t shy about those calories consumed. I enjoyed every last bite of every meal I ate in the last week. That I get, but what confuses me is that I didn’t change my work out regimen  to adapt to the significantly higher calories in my diet, but I still maintained if not IMPROVED my physique. Yes I am not stage lean-to ANY extent, but I feel like I have actually never looked better. Maybe they really were magic cookies…

Haha inside joke.. I have started a cookie binge and it’s catching on like a virus! I swear they’re not magic! This is not a trend, do NOT follow! haha… I think my body was just going crazy and even it didn’t know what to do with itself..BUT today, I have started from scratch. Chicken and veggies for meeeeeeeee. Lets see what happens.. I mean,, if crap food and no added exercise made me look like this.. I can only imagined if I cleaned things up!

Back to some good read though. I deadlifted 225 no problem. No straps.. just chalk. About 4 months ago, I attempted this. I stood by the bar and couldn’t budge it. I strapped up, had a spot and maybe hit 3 reps. Just the other day, after about 6 reps of continuously adding weight, we threw on 225 just for shits and giggles. Chalked up and repped it out. Literally. It was nuts. So nuts, that I feel that I may have been spotted the whole time. She says all she did was bring my shoulders back but maybe that’s what it took to get it up?? So.. after were all recovered, I want to try it again.. no spot.. no bullshit. Until then… I spotted 225 😉

….and the best part of my last couple of weeks?

Just so happened to happen about 2 days ago. I was training a client that I have had ever since i made the switch to Waukegan. He was coming in 2 times a week in the morning with another trainer. That trainer changed his schedule and could no longer train him. I met with him, at which point he couldnt go up or down the stairs without holding on due to a bad motorcycle accident. As far as I was told, when he first started with the gym he was had a cane (previously in wheelchair for weeks). Weight loss had always been a goal, but we really needed to focus on reworking the muscles for basic human movements. starting from scratch, we needed to work on our foundation. Slowly but surely all the progress was really made on the scale. Eventually a couple of months in, he was super happy about going up and down the stairs no problem. He literally hustled! It was awesome. Another time he came in and asked to give me a hug. Later explained hunting was no longer painful, No longer took an ATV out, instead walks to where he sets up shop. But what was major BADASS (and I am so sorry I don’t have a video. You can check out Phitness Aesthetics on Facebook or my Instagram, Maristheshit), was when we took me to our little room and said he needed to show me something. I already knew I wanted to video tape it so you hear him saying I’m going to make fun of him! He first walks up and down on both legs over a few step ups. I’m super happy already but again you hear him say, but that isn’t even the best part. YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT ON HIS FACE, as he attempts to BOX JUMP IT!!! AND HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A couple of times too!!!!!! It was so amazing. I showed it to my co worker who previously trained him and he said he had tears in his eyes, if not everyone who saw it. People were amazed and they didn’t even know it. Ugh! You have to see the video now.. I’ll try to upload it..

Shit it really wont let me.

View this post on Instagram

Meet Doug. He was one of my first clients when I made the move to Waukegan (6months ago). He could barely walk up the stairs without holding on to something (due to a bad motorcycle accident), so you could tell how much of an improvement since then by his excitement in the first part of the video. Little did I know, that wasn't even the half of it. He BOX JUMPED THAT SHIT!!!!!!! I was speechless. When it comes to #fitness, people assume it's all about #weightloss. Now, if done properly (and with a well balanced #nutrition), weight loss should occur… But sometimes our focus should be more on learning (or relearning) basic human movements and correcting any imbalances that may have occurred (during injury or constant bad form ext). A huge thanks to @phitness_aesthetics and the wide range of knowledge this team possesses.

A post shared by Marissa 💋 (@maristheshit) on

See if that will work.. If Not.. just google maristheshit or find me on instagram. Any who.. I’m just going to leave on that note.. It was just too awesome not too!

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Consistency IS key.

Blueberry protein muffins are away baking so figured I had some time to update my blog a tad. I don’t have much to say but want to stay consistent with things in my life. Yes, consistent. I fall in and out of patterns and habits so quickly I get overwhelmed trying to juggle it all. So.. this is one of them. I want to keep blogging although sometimes I either A. don’t want to or B. really have nothing interesting to say so why say it at all.
I have been baking.
A LOT.

Weird, I know. But I found a recipe (actually the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin one I posted prior) and I have been changing and adapting adding and subtracting! I’ve made the PCP ones 3 times, and an apple cinnamon one. So adding the blueberry to the list as well! I made a blueberry pancake today and figured since the boy is coming back from a week long fishing trip, I could bake him some! Okay, its really because the apple cinnamon ones are gone already. lol. Saturday morning I made butterscotch pancakes and let me tell you.. AHHHHH Mazing. I actually think I made those twice as well. The only thing is the butterscotch chips do have sugar in them obviously, so I only used a couple. I think the reason is that I only use a couple of ingredients so its easy to prep and bake. Plus.. who wouldn’t want delicious protein desserts to snack on when in doubt?

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

photo 3

..and I mean snack on. These bad boys are no joke. Although they only have like 150-175 calories per muffin……………. eating 3 in one sitting (NO JOKE THEY WERE JUST SO GOOD OUT OF THE OVEN)! They will send you right to the bathroom. Ugh.

So outside of all the goodies I made this past 3 day weekend, I also made a healthy mac and cheese and fucked the whole 2 dishes up. I over cooked it. 😦 bummer. So I wont be posting the recipe till I perfect it.

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The mac n' cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

The mac n’ cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

I’ve been hanging in there. Work is about to get even crazier but I have been taking time out to figure out new ways to get my clients attention. Who wants to be spending even more money on something they aren’t putting their effort into? I have a different mindset. After being this way for years, I don’t think I will ever change. My idea of what I want to look like wont just change over night. I cant even fathom getting pregnant…. good thing I have years and years before that happens. I want to be STRONG yet look that way as well. I don’t care about being called pretty thin fat manly, any of that. I want to be looked at and someone saying DAMMMMMMNNNNN she must be strong.. then watch me and be like DAAAAMMNNN she IS strong. lol. But back to what I was saying earlier, this is also something I want to stay consistent with. I feel like I get to a certain point then think I get go back to my old ways, or something that day pisses me off and I eat and ruin a week.. or I don’t know. Something, anything can throw me off. BECAUSE I ALLOW IT. That or I really want it.. for that moment. regardless, I am going to stay strong. Again. and again and again. See… at least I am not giving up. I want to get LEAN. The healthy way of course. But I want to see where I can take my body too. Hopefully with this new mindset I have randomly seemed to have grasped, I want to be proud of myself.

The muffins are about to be done. I am going to head out to the boys place and relax the rest of the night. Hes been driving for hours, so I am sure he isn’t going to want to do much. So enjoy my photo hoarding for the week.

LOVE this so much.

LOVE this so much.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

<3

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop...

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop…

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

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2 weeks down, 2 to go!

Not too much to update this week. I had time to blog last night but I really just wanted to lay in bed without a care in the world. I’ve been up too early every day that I am starting to wake up around 6-7 am every morning now. Hmmm… It wouldn’t be such a bad thing if my dog sucked at cuddling… Any who had a good week/end. Stayed consistent with my diet AND my work outs. My wrist has been hurting a little bit so I am staying off it as much as possible (ie. clients carrying weights LOL).. I did 2 spin classes, another 30 min on the treadmill at an incline and an hour bike ride yesterday with Michele.

Bike ride with Michele to Independence Grove

Bike ride with Michele to Independence Grove

Independence Grove in LV

Independence Grove in LV

The boy left for a week long fishing trip Saturday night, so I really want to take this week and focus on me and what I had to do. I went out to dinner with my aunt and uncle Friday night and I now have 5825820 more things going through my head. Hopefully each day, I am one step closer to figuring out what the fuck I want to do with my life. I feel like a 17 year old senior trying to decide a major. Lucky for us, we have all the time in the world to figure out what makes us happy. Because at 17 years old….. I did NOT have the same outlook on life like I do now. At least I haven’t spent thousands of dollars being undecided half way thru college. Now.. I just want to go. I shit myself every time I think that had i just gone away to school or fuck at least STARTED right after high school, that I would be done and holding a degree as I typed this. However, the bright side.. is that I have lived life for a little bit in the real world and I now know have a little more common sense and street smarts to hopefully make better decisions from here on out.

No regrets, just a reason to do things differently this time around..

Speaking of doing things differently..

A M A Z I N G

A M A Z I N G

FInished my weekend off with stuffing my face with those pumpkin chocolate chip muffins from the previous post. Though, I did change a few things up. But hey, they taste great and I saved you hundreds of calories! The original post IS paleo however.

I actually made two batches. One right before I left for Michele’s (brought her and Nina some) and some as soon as I got home from her house. They were THAT good. That, and I wanted to try to make some changes. It called for coconut oil. I THOUGHT I had some, instead I used olive oil (added about 350 calories, in which I originally thought it added over 1000 and I was like NOOOOO!! but I was wrong, thank God. Only 350 calories per batch of 6 muffins). Paleomg.com also called for maple syrup. Yea, pretty sure that’s another 300 calories (1/3c) in which I added zero calorie Walden Farms pancake syrup. MMMM…. This batch I also added 2 and 1/2 tablespoons of brown rice protein powder. THEY WERE GOOD!!!!!

The second batch I omitted the oil completely and added 1/3c unsweetened applesauce. I did the same thing with the maple syrup (I mean come on.. I just saved you like 5-600 calories and a shit ton of sugar in a batch!!!) and protein powder.  My mom liked the first recipe better.. but to be honest I think they both taste fantastic.

Macro breakdown for the SECOND batch made with applesauce:

{Recipe makes 6 muffins}
Calories: 177
Carbs: 17.3g
Fat: 4.1g
Protein: 13.3g
Sugar: 1.1g

*also had 42g of fiber. So 7g of fiber per muffin. Maybe next batch I’ll add flaxseed.

Other than that I am just hanging out about to get ready for a client then a killer leg work out with my girl. Mixing this blog post with a photo hoarder post. That’s all for now! Enjoy.

@mankofit FLAWLESS physique

@mankofit FLAWLESS physique

Clearly, I'm craving. COOKIE CAKE STUFFED WITH OREO!

Clearly, I’m craving. COOKIE CAKE STUFFED WITH OREO!

#truth

#truth

Doesn't need anymore explanation.

Doesn’t need anymore explanation.

Neither does this one and yet I am still trying to find a balance between eating clean and allowing my body to eat like shit, feel like shit for a few seconds of pure bliss.

Neither does this one and yet I am still trying to find a balance between eating clean and allowing my body to eat like shit, feel like shit for a few seconds of pure bliss.

Another physique. Different than the previous one, but still A M A Z I N G!

Another physique. Different than the previous one, but still A M A Z I N G!

* Title of this post is in relation to the 4 week no cheat challenge I have going on with a few friends. One month of no cheats, that’s it. All healthy wholesome foods. It’s only 4 cheat meals were missing out on. With a few good recipes like that Pumpkin CC, and I could go my whole life-like this 😉

Except if someone offered pizza. Sorry.. no whole wheat crust could satisfy what an oil filled mess restaurants sure could.. 😛

** NONE of these pictures are mine unless stated otherwise. I usually edit the pictures when I screen shoot (lol) it but figured if I ever forget to label or give credit to someone, hopefully the picture will have already done that.

 

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Hump Day Photo Hoarder PII

Lets start with some bad ass motivation!

Lets start with some bad ass motivation!

LOVE THIS!

LOVE THIS!

“Once upon a time, I started working hard to get the results I wanted. But I still fuck up lots.”

photo 4

READ

THIS

THIS

I’ve been thinking a lot about guilt lately. Food guilt, not working out guilt, not doing ENOUGH in a work out guilt.

I’ve come a long way from how I use to think about food. As a reward, as a punishment, as a sacrifice to be made. It happened fairly gradually but I made a conscious decision to CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE. You’ve heard it before food is fuel to feed the beast. I KNOW this. I know I work hard and that I’m eating food. Food that my body needs almost all of the time.

I had my cheat meal last night that I allow myself once a week for sanitys sake. If was absolutely, fantastically delicious and I enjoyed every bite. But you know what else it came with? A little side of guilt. Still? Grrr. So I acknowledged it and sent it the hell away. I don’t have the room in my brain or the time in my life to waste it on that shit.

Before I mightve let that guilty feeling drown me in a pile of Ferrero Roche for the next two days.. .Now I put Ferrero Roche on my list for next weeks cheat.

Look at how random and handsome Bob is. We are babysitting him :)

Look at how random and handsome Bob is. We are babysitting him 🙂

SICK transformation. I love reminding myself with pictures like this, that if they could do it, why couldnt I?

SICK transformation. I love reminding myself with pictures like this, that if they could do it, why couldn’t I? I LACK CONSISTENCY!!!!!!!!!!!

photo

photo 3 copy

Ashley Horner. Her legs make me nervous.

So, here are a few photos I have saved that should be shared. I have a love hate relationship with motivational pictures, believe it or not but I can sure as HELL appreciate a beautiful body. Ive been hanging in there. 3 days of the clean eating challenge, down successfully. Score. Slowly working my way back up with weights considering my wrist feels like a new born babys lack of support.

I dont know..  makin me nerrrvous. :/

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1/8 week motiv8- Strength.

Well. I’m sure you are all aware that I haven’t written in days weeks.. possibly even months. I don’t even know at this point. things got super hectic, and kind of still are..
I’m going thru this whole thing at work and its slowly draining me. the amount of time and effort I am putting into this job, I should be well off ($$ wise).. but still just skating by paycheck to paycheck. I m seeing an average of 12, 22 being the highest amount, of people every day for training. 2 times a week I am up at 430am (was once, 3 x a week), back home for 2-3 hours then back in the gym from 12-930. This last week however, I have been training every day. So on top of training myself before everyone else (which I don’t know is a good thing because I am always exhausted), I am practically in the gym more than I am home. At one point it took a huge toll on me. I stopped working out and as a result ate like shit (or.. did I start eating like shit in which turned to an absent of those workouts?? hmmmm) and more importantly, felt like shit about myself (and in general, headaches. massive bell aches. Thank you acid reflux).

But just like a roller coaster with its lows, I have been slowly reaching one of those highs. Life has seemed to be turning for the better and I am obviously taking it for granted. I mean, I should right? Appreciate whats right in front of me? The “right now”?? Anyways.. Its sunday, I found a time to write. I actually have been wanting to write earlier but felt that I would feel pressured (like I always do actually). You know I never reread what I wrote? I only spell check it. I get so overwhelmed that I could write for hours, proofread, then select all delete that shit like nothing ever happen.

Tis’ true.

So, instead, I write and say it is what it is and post it. I don’t know. I feel like until I find a smooth transition into a nice blog (like I have imagined) Ill continue to write like there was no delete button…

I actually wrote down what I wanted to cover in this post.. weird. I have never done that before. I just wanted to make sure I mentioned a few things… What I have learned in the last couple weeks, where I want to see myself.. things like that.. The list kind of goes like this (which is actually written on a poster for the 2013 midwest ironman lol).

Do whatever makes you happy.
Strength
-Being strong
8 Weeks
Calories
Weight training
Cardio
1500-2000*
Progress Pictures
Food
Work
Progress

Well, I have been kind of talking about work, so we can cross that one off. Lets being with the 8 weeks. Now, 7 weeks but this was referring to the competition I planned on doing. I don’t think I will be doing it. but I am training like I am. I am taking weekly progress pictures and will post them at the end of the 8 weeks. I am playing around with my macros and added in 3 (30-45) minutes of cardio in this week and next. My calories are ranging from 1500-2000*. I have successfully worked out each week and am super proud about that. I really think I am going to give it my all. I did have a cheat meal today (literally a few minutes before I starting writing) and didnt think I was going to have one for the entire 8 weeks. However, I did just finish the 8 week no cheat and let me tell you that was so hard and I fell right back on my ass. I had a hard time picking myself up because it was mixed with feeling lonely, tired and burnt out from work.. Thats like a recipe for disaster. Any who, I am staying consistent with work outs and even my cheat meals are recorded and kept track of. Speaking of which, I really want to get into the whole macro things. I want to be able to have some solid information and something I can project to other people because not only are my clients asking about it, many people comment or message me with some sort of diet question. I want to be able to just find the post click and paste and be like BAM! problem solved. Yea.. lol. wouldn’t that be nice. But it would still be helpful if I gave the basics of what to do to start losing fat and looking/feeling better. Maybe I will do some research and really put some time and effort into it (dos yes. it may take a while lol). Anyways, I am keeping track day by day what I am doing so we can see what it takes (okay what it takes for me, my bf% food intake ext) to get to where I will be in 8 weeks. I am already leaning up and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. Heres the break down of this week:

Monday 16th- 497 Calories Burned. 1:41:08. (1511 Calories Consumed).
Tuesday 17th- (no heart rate) Did a Back Work Out 15 Min Cardio. (1569 CC*).
Wednesday 18th- 35 Min Plyo and Abs. (1760CC).
Thursday 19th- Stairmaster. (1550CC).
Friday 20th- Went to RLB. Did Legs (Got told I was losing weight**) (2000CC)
Saturday 21st- Forgot what I did. OH! Went with Marley to the kids playground and did a work out there. 255 Calories Burned. (1800CC).
Sunday 22nd- (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM)!!- Almost an hour @NS Did Upper body and ended with heavy glutes. 394 Calories Burned. (2500CC My “Cheat Meal” Day).***

*Calories Consumed
** Yes, this is technically what I want but the reason I put this here, was because when I went to my notepad to reread what I did for the week, I saw this. I would say on Monday or Tuesday of this week, a member of my gym went up to my trainer and asked him if I was gaining weight. FIRST OF ALL, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Like for real. Who does that… Unless.. never mind. lol. BUT, I was told this by him the second I was flabbergasted by this guy whom I have never seen at the gym before (and trust me, I know everyone lol), came up to me while I was with a client and introduced himself to me. THEN HE CAME BACK A SECOND TIME DURING HER SESSION!!! How rude. Shes a paying client. Anyways, I wasnt bragging but I NEEDED to tell CYlia and he was right by.. It was like, oh hey apparently you’re cute enough to be hit on, but some dude notices and thinks its an important enough question to be concerned if Im gaining weight. Unreal. But that’s the reason I even acknowledged it. Am I cute, fat, up and down? Lmao. I could care less. I am doing what I can to be the best that I can. If that “best” is not good enough, pretend I don’t exist. I need to learn this process of loving myself and being fit is one step closer. Being vain, egotistical, have your way but I need to love the body that I am in. With everyone else so concerned on how I look.. I can’t let being fit be a quick fix. I don’t want to starve like I have. I don’t want to spend the time I already don’t have on hours of cardio to look like a bag of bones. I want to be STRONG and being strong isn’t a walk in the park.

***This is what I DO. YOU CAN NOT DO WHAT I DO!!! I am 153ish pounds at 5’6-5’7 (lol). You need to hire someone who do some research and play around a bit. SO DO NOT COPY THIS!!!!!!! I do suggest not going under 1500 calories. That seems like a lot to most of my new clients (because they are used to being starved. Thank you Jenny Craig). But as long as you are staying active, you need that so your body doesnt hate you later.

Oatmeal mixed with 1/3c unsweetened apple sauce with pan seared apples and cinnamon.

Oatmeal mixed with 1/3c unsweetened apple sauce with pan seared apples and cinnamon.

I know this looks gross but it was so good. Chicken with mozzarella on a rice cake.

I know this looks gross but it was so good. Chicken with mozzarella on a rice cake.

10 Egg Whites Stevia Cinnamon- to taste. I beat the eggs to a stiff peak and baked it for 12 minutes at 350 degrees. Rolled up and drizzled with Walden Farms PC Syrup.

10 Egg Whites
Stevia
Cinnamon- to taste.
I beat the eggs to a stiff peak and baked it for 12 minutes at 350 degrees. Rolled up and drizzled with Walden Farms PC Syrup.

If you are a nutritionist or some kind of guru and tell me I am doing something wrong, please save it. I have been doing this for years and am playing around with what feels good. I get there is a PERFECT SCIENCE.. but for me… I will do it for a bit then have a total relapse. I need to find a way in which fits me to a tee. Not something I set myself to crash and burn. I need to do what makes me happy.. To be honest, I want to try to be gluten free, that and I want to do a blood test in which it tells you what foods to stay away from ext… I think that would be super interesting (I already know I have acid reflux 😦 ) . In the mean time, I am playing with LOW (not NO carb) and high fats. So far, I havent really felt any differences in regards to bloating or water retention. I think I may pay a little more attention to that.

AMAZING eggs on the way to work. I think this was 3 whole eggs 1/8c milk and some cheddar cheese :O

AMAZING eggs on the way to work. I think this was 3 whole eggs 1/8c milk and some cheddar cheese :O

I think I knocked out a couple of those topics on that list. Other things I wanted to mention is the first one on the list, the quote :do whatever makes you happy” and it is something I will always say in the back of my mind when faced with a decision. Whatever I may be unsure about I will always ask myself if it makes me happy, WILL it make happy. I think that is so important, and es it may be easier said then done, but at the end of the day its your life. its your feel good moments memories and smiles.
..and in my case, I not only want to feel good I want to look good to feel good. I don’t know what it was that made me jump into this field but I honestly and truly don’t think I could see myself in anything other than fitness. I may be obsessed or have gone thru the unhealthy ways to get to the healthy ones, but I want to make a a difference and I think helping people help themselves is where I want to start.

Wow.. well didn’t expect that to come out so well… I think I need to just keep writing to ensure I keep this mood going.

A few other things, there are a few pictures of the foods I have been eating. Again. I have been tracking EVERYTHING I eat. Nothing has gone over 2000 calories, nothing under 1500. Boyfriend and I are doing good. I think once I started focusing on myself (working out ext) I stopped being so high-strung. I realize MY life is important. I feel like I go thru these moments all the time though. Like super into working out and loving myself then one day I just crash and burn. No this is not me being negative, just being realistic here..

The boyfriend grilling some meat for me :)

The boyfriend grilling some meat for me 🙂

The beans are NOT mine ;P

The beans are NOT mine ;P

Though, I think this is it. I feel really good about this one. I am going to do this for 8 weeks. THEN I will reevaluate the situation. I did the 8 week no cheat, what would make this any harder? I just need to work out and prep my meals. Thats it. I am already at the gym 58394 hours of the week, I have NO excuse not to get shit done.

&& trust me.. Im about to get shit done.

😛

Other than that, I did want to (and have been wanting to) write about strength and being strong, but I think I am going to save that until the end or at least the 8 week pit stop of this road to ripped trip.. Yea.. I think Ill do that.

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Nothing new.

Besides what seemed like my whole life crashing down, I seem to have regained my balance. I went this whole week with great work outs and fantastic eating. This weekend, though, was a different story. I wanted to have 2 cheat meals, instead I practically ate shitty the entire time. Today, I am regretting the entire thing. I am feeling like complete crap. My stomach is hurting and I can’t seem to take enough medicine to help it. This vicious cycle of clean eating, turn binge is causing a lot more damage than keeping me sane. Doing quite the opposite actually. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am going to deal with the consequences but I will no longer beat myself up. Though I feel like I look like shit on top of actually feeling like shit, I need to KEEP, not even take, but keep my head out of my ass. I see what this does to me, yet do this all the time. When will I ever learn?

Starting tomorrow, Monday I am adding two (30-45) minutes of cardio in a week. I will keep my calories at about 2000 to ensure energy through out this process. I was actually contemplating whether I should do more work (cardio) or take down my calories. All of a sudden, I see a post from Erin Stern that very day speaking out about what she does. It makes the most sense. Do more work, keeping energy up for that work, then when time comes, take a few hundred calories off a day. Most likely drop to about 1700 but really all depends on how I look. I am about 3ish months out. If any one has competed knows that magic could happen in that amount of time. Knowing this, I still get bummed out. Summer is over and I wasn’t at my tip-top shape. I wasn’t happy to be in a bikini. Although, I know I looked okay, I didn’t feel great. It’s a little disappointing. But let me tell you, if I wasn’t competing, I would have stepped my game up. I would have done cardio more than once a week, and most likely dropped my calories down to look good. I didn’t want that.

But I struggle each and every day knowing that I completely 100% do.

It is so easy telling everyone around you to trust the process, but damn if it’s not easier said than done…. I look at myself and see so much that needs to be done but in due time. I just want to be lean already!!!! Its frustrating. You know what you could look like and what it’s going to take to get there, yet you look in the mirror and need to say, alright.. one day at a time. It WILL happen. Enjoy this ride..

Really? Thats almost as bad as baking brownies and needing to wait till they cool down to eat them.

Fail.

I feel like this process never gets any easier. This is literally a full-time job and I am getting burnt out. Thats why I took a week off last week, and now I have missed 2 work outs because of it. I feel lazy and unimpressed with my progress. I am consumed with looking and feeling good and its something that I have yet to control. This is not only my hobby, but my job. It is like i know nothing else. Dealing with eating disorders and insecurities it has now merged and become one with my life. If I feel fat, my whole day and attitude is ruined. I take it out on other people in which I apologize, but who really gets affected by this, is myself. I am bipolar as all hell. No, not medically diagnosed, but its a no brainer. I eat shit because of my fuck it attitude, I cry because I then feel like I ruined my progress, I work out hard as hell, then get dumped on by some other lifes curveball and I feel like all I do is take it out on myself.

Life is not easy. I feel like it is a constant struggle to keep my head above water, but I will be damned if I give up this fight. Everyday does NOT get easier, you just find ways to cope. I am going to do my best to stay positive. This road to ripped is sure a long haul but I cannot wait for my destination.

 

photo 2

photo 1 copy

photo 4

photo 2 copy

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Highlights!

Highlights of my week (since I fell off the radar. Imagine that):

Thursday:

Leg Day and holy hell was it crazy.
300 squats. Yes, 3 0 0.
50 @ 45lbs
40 @ 65lbs
30 @ 85lbs
20 @ 105lbs
10 @ 125lbs
10 @125lbs
20 @ 105lbs.. ext you get the picture. All the way back up to 50 reps.

It took us a little over an hour to complete. I was exhausted.

-1

I have been tracking my food intake for the last couple days. I have been staying around 2000 calories but haven’t been paying attention to my carbs/protein as much. Starting this week (tomorrow), I will get more detailed about it.

2051 calories
244g carbs
191g protein
36g fat

With 1196 calories burned via exercise.

Friday:

Didn’t have too busy of a day. Most of my clients cancelled. I really didn’t do a full work out either. I attempted to do a little upper body but mentally was just not there. The calories burned (286) were from taking Marley to the park. I did some lunges and a sort little exercise. I didn’t count (or track via my heart rate monitor) the sad excuse for an upper body work out I did before I had my first client. So, nothing too interesting. Nor anything to “highlight”.

1814 calories
185g car
196g protein
42g fat

286 calories burned via exercise.

Saturday:

Woke up pretty early for my first client around 8am. I had one more before I did a spin class at 9am. This is basically my only form of cardio right now. So yes, not as lean as I would like but I am not going to do what I did last contest prep and over due cardio to try to speed up the process.

Here is a picture I took Saturday:

-2

Sitting at 150lbs still. Not losing any weight, but I am not really trying to. Again. have been eating around 2000 calories and only about an hour of cardio. It is very important that the next 15 weeks, that I stay positive and in the day. Last prep, I did too  much cardio and lost my ass in fear that my abs wouldn’t show. For anyone doing a competition (actually, for any one starting a new fitness regimen) DO NOT FIGHT THE PROCESS!! Of course we all want to be lean and some of us would like to look “shredded”. It WILL come. Just be patient. I have a lot of room to play around with via my food intake and adding more cardio. You have to understand the basics before you start starving yourself to lose the weight. What ends up happening is you mess up your metabolism and will gain the weight right back. It is a vicious cycle. Do some research, or hire someone to do it for you and take each day as it comes. I promise you that it will be worth it. Ended my work day around 1:30pm.

On my way to the boys house!

On my way to the boys house!

I got home around 2 and took a shower before I headed to the boyfriend’s house. Actually, I took a shower and slept for an hour before I headed to the boyfriend’s house. He had a big party to go to that I was actually quite anxious about going too. I am not a big drinker (actually when I do drink, I don’t get drunk. So Please don’t pass the bottle, pass a motherfucking cupcake. Way worth the calories than)! I actually don’t like the whole partying lifestyle and quite frankly, just not my thing. So, that being said it was hard to see him enjoying his liquor as much as he was. I am however, not his mother and although I spoke my mind, I felt like I had no right. I want him to have fun.. but I don’t trust a lot about that lifestyle. Acting way different drunk than sober. Getting loud and acting like his friends but after a few talks with a new client of mine, and his and I’s tispy talk, I am no longer going to worry (yes, WAY easier said then done) about our relationship. I feel like I have finally found a happy medium and will continue to stay positive and pray. I don’t know. But before I choke on my words, It wasn’t that bad. Granted it was supposed to be WAY bigger than it was, I didn’t have as bad of a time as I thought I would sober. Just sat there drinking my water 🙂 and eating of course. Though, not everything I wanted. There was 3 different cakes, and dips and great freakin stuff! But I held my own and my lovely boyfriend fed me meat all night. I added in my calories (although I guessed) and it came out to be like 700 calories worth of meat. Def don’t think that’s legit but whatever 🙂 Still met my goal.

Well.. only because by the time I took 3 bites of his oreo cake (WHICH BTW WAS AMAZING), it was passed midnight. So I added the 150 calories of cake to the next day.

1990 Calories
158g carbs
133g protein
89g fat

317 calories burned via spin class.

Sunday Funday:

We didn’t get home till around 4am after making a pit stop at a secret fishing spot (he caught 2 bass pretty quickly and randomly) and at his buddies house. We slept in till around 12:30 ( I know!! :/) haha and headed downtown Chicago for some sushi. Knowing this, I was a little sad because it is my favorite sushi place and I really wanted to stay on my 4 week no cheat challenge. But when we got there, the owner who is one of our good friends picked out a dish that wasn’t on the menu and ordered it for me. It was basically chicken and veggies with brown rice (sauce on the side, though I just used soy sauce). I was super happy! And to think I thought all I would have would be edamame. Blah! After that, we drove home. He felt bloated (per usual) and I felt fine. It’s a whole different story when you don’t eat till you’re full. It almost feels good. Not to forget, that by 6pm I still had my abs. Hell yes! All thanks to a little challenge I created for myself. Only 10 days though!! Just 10 days and I can enjoy a full on cheat meal! So glad its my birthday too. It will be a double whammie!! yes.. I just said whammie.

 

Dragonfly in Chicago!

Dragonfly in Chicago!

We laid in bed for a bit, while the food digested. Took the dog for a walk and I left shortly after. I have to be up at 5am tomorrow and well.. it never gets any easier. Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day, but I guess it is what it is. Hopefully have a nice little upper body work out!

1795 calories (although I MAY eat another meal. I’m not sure).
167g carbs
86g protein (fail)
57g fat

0 exercise. My lovely day off!

Time to snooze!

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