Tag Archives: Drunk

Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

My boo.

 

cccccxx

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that's right.. 2 degrees.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.

The boo and I.

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Late weekend post.

I could not of asked for a better weekend.

That’s all I should write. Words literally couldn’t describe the weekend I had. Or maybe I wouldn’t be able to describe it well enough lol. Regardless it was amazing.

The boyfriend picked me up around 8pm and we headed to Wisconsin. Trip wasn’t that bad and after a stop at Walmart we made it there around midnight or so. We unpacked the groceries and made a few cocktails. We ended up taking a few shots and spent the next few hours talking. Talking about life and choices to come. It was really nice.. too bad I had to end it with random tears down my face.

Typical.

Groceries for us 2

We went outside for a smoke and star watched for a little bit. It was so peaceful, looking up and it being clear as day. The stars were shining so bright. A burn mark and shooting star later we went inside so he made me a pb and j (mine with wheat bread. obviously. so obvious he got his own white loaf at the store lol).. and passed out around 6am.

We woke up around noon. I cooked him and I some breakfast while he stayed in bed for a little while longer. After breakfast we packed up and got the boat set. Around 2 pm we were out in the water. We spent 4 or so hours fishing, drinking cocktails, enjoying life. It was a little cold but we were super prepared, and so I sat my happy ass down with another sweater. We stayed till it got dark, and loaded back up.

baby with my fishyyyyy

I beat him 13-8 🙂

After we got home, his dad came back with us to switch cars (we took a Camry there.. thanks enterprise) and needed a tow hitch so we borrowed his car. He fixed our grill and we all date dinner together. It was nice.. minus the whole language barrier but I just like being in good company. We marinated chicken breasts and steaks and had onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon (my babe is the greatest) and a few polish sausages. We ate, cleaned up a bit both house and ourselves and headed to the casino. Went straight for the bar, grabbed a vodka tonic and sat down at the computerized roulette table (my favorite). We both put down $20. A few turns or so 5 guys sat down and filled the table completely. Now I actually liked being the only two people there, and liked it so much more when I realized these tools were rude as fuck. Regardless, they all threw down $200.. I sat next to a guy and all he was betting was $5 or $10.. so when he hit he hit big. Fuck.. I am so competitive and then you throw money on the table and it escalates lol. Baby lost all his and I left when I hit $40.. now that I think about it I guess I made up for his loss. Until we sat down at the penny slots and I literally got pissed after I lost $3. Dumbest machine ever. So I asked if we could play again before we left. Lol.. he just wanted to leave, I wanted to win some money. He agreed (like the best bf he is) and we put down $25 more. By that time the guy to my right was up 1,200. Yeah. $1,200. I saw his winnings at the bottom of the screen and nearly shit myself. I ended up losing all $25 but baby got $50 back. So we were all straight. We left immediately after and went to stop by boner again. Probably the classiest strip club I have ever been too (probably because I have only been to one. lol). We had a vodka tonic and enjoyed each others companies. It was just one of those nights lol..

bf making dindin

We headed back home around 2 or so realized we ran out of alcohol. I forget what we started drinking but I do remember my pb&j tasted great.

but then I think I passed out.. Probably because I love sleeping.

We wake up this time around 11am. Babe is a complete bed hog and his dog didn’t make it any better. lol so I did what I could and woke up to his dad knocking on the door. We got up and I made breakfast again. Scrambled eggs with sausage and a left over bacon wrapped potato. It was awesome.

We grab our shit and head to the lake. It was pretty nice out so I dealt with my north face. We cast for a few hours, again so peaceful. I caught more fish again, but only 2 keepers. I was happy with my fish though. I even touched one.

HA!

my keeper!

my sexy boy

A few sober hours later we packed up so we could get a start to our drive home. We packed up, cleaned up, made brownies and headed home.

Everything was perfect.

Driving home I reflected on a lot. this weekend has made me really enjoy my life. Right now, it is everything I could ask for. I am still going through a lot but having the right people in my life has made it so much better. I spent all weekend with the love of my life, doing things we love doing, in a peaceful happy place. Spending all that time with him, I have realized how truly in love I am with him. He completes me, nothing else I can say.

Alright I am stopping now because I swear I could write a novel of my feelings for him. Just ask him how many times he catches me starring.. lol…..

creepy.

ha.. just a great weekend to remember while sitting here Wednesday morning 🙂

Already planned a back workout with Ashley tonight at 8. Going to do a few upper body exercises abs then finish with an hour of cardio. Cardio goes by so much easier/faster when you have someone with you. Going to focus today and tomorrow because this weekend will be a clusterfuck. The boyfriend and I are visiting my sister in MN at school. We have a football game and theme park already planned but I think the experience itself will be exciting. A mini road trip with the love of my life, and him meeting my sister for the first time 🙂 I have never done something like this before and couldn’t be happier that everything in my life at the moment is all falling into place.

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Fishing is an off season bikini competitor’s hobby..

.. and why it’ll make me fat.

1. Only way I have patience is when drunk.

  • Alcohol makes you fat.

2. When you go cat fishing you’re drunk late at night. Late night munchies in Wisconsin = bar food.

  • Bar food tastes great when drunk.

3. I’m one lazy mother ——.

  • Perfect.

 

Yep. I caught this.

but to hell if I’d touch it.

 

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Some sort of growth, right?

“When I see these pictures I often find myself thinking, what else have they had to give up in order to attain that physique? What relationships have suffered? What other areas of their life have they not had the opportunity to cultivate? What would that person ever do if circumstances (such as age, illness, some personal tragedy) turned the tide and they couldn’t maintain that image anymore? Would their identity be lost? Would others no longer be impressed by them?”

I recently saw this on someones blog, and holy cow.
I haven’t thought about my life without fitness or a healthy lifestyle till I came across that paragraph and wow was I lost for words.
My life has consisted of years of self abuse. Eating disorder after eating disorder. Diet pill after diet pill. Work out after work out.
This is all I know. I know weight loss. I know self hate. I know unhealthy. I know healthy.
Now.. I don’t know a life without constantly thinking about working out, hating myself, and food as much as I’ve lived this one. lol. Whatever I am doing.. surfing the net, posting fitness tips, pinching extra fat on my things, looking in the mirror, smelling a bomb ass slice of pizza, salivating over pinterest.. literally.. not a day.. not an hour.. not even a min goes by without me thinking about “fitness”.. So what would happen? What would change if I no longer could do the things I do on a day-to-day basis? What if I couldn’t work out?
The only thing I can pinpoint that I know 100% to be true.. is as long as I didn’t put on weight (or get what I feel s my uncomfortable zone) then I would try to make the best out of the situation.. but if the weight starting creeping and I wasn’t able to be active I think would ruin me. The idea of me being fat… FEELING fat hurts my heart. No joke.
Actually writing this out makes me sound selfish. Fuck. Seriously.. lets move on..
SO reading this on Friday guess what I did?
I had one of the best weekends of my life.
It didn’t start off so well but it definitely made me realize that I wouldn’t be lost without my fitness lifestyle.. that’s not something I focus on. It is literally my outward appearance. I NEED to look good (or at least THINK I look good lol). I like seeing collar bones and broad shoulders. I love having an ass but a flat stomach. I want my legs more defined… bigger even. Before I wouldn’t IMAGINE being “thicker” (I fucking hate that word). But in reality this is comfort. Healthy IS happy.
So, since I really don’t want to make this super long I won’t go much into detail (I ramble anyways so feel free to speed read).. I got home friday night knowing I wasn’t going to work out. I wanted to rest so that’s exactly what I planned on doing. I had saved these pre made smores the entire week and really wanted it right then and there. So what did I do? I had it.. Do you see a pattern in my decision-making? lol. So I was talking to my mom and she interrupted and said, should you be eating that? 
Fuck. I literally snapped. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time she’s made a comment like this, however it’s usually when I really shouldn’t be eating it (during contest prep). So I suppose I could understand.. but what the f u c k ? It kind of hurt. I ended up trying to explain how I felt and she got weird and didn’t understand so I walked out and called her a fucking asshole. 
 
1. Yes I was wrong for calling my mother an asshole.
2. This exact question, from her and an ex boyfriend, has started binges. Consider it a “trigger”.
 
We pretty much didn’t talk all night. I think she texted me something but my phone ended up dying. I passed out trying to charge my computer so it could charge my phone.

Saturday Morning..

.. I woke up feeling pretty good. I made breakfast, and cleaned up a bit. I had plans to go to Ribfest with a few friends but it was still pretty early (damn you internal clock). So I ended up putting a blanket outside and trying to tan. About 15 minutes in he calls me and I plan to leave within the hour. Everything pretty much goes as planned. I get to his house and we take the convertible down towards the city. tragic wasn’t that bad but I was stoked to be in the sun tanning with the top down lol, so I could care less. We see a carnival on the side of the highway and I made a comment about exes saying they’d win me a bear but I end up winning it myself. So what did he do? Took a detour parked the car and we didn’t leave the carnival till he won me a bear. Oh and eat a funnel cake too. So we hoped back in the car, got to the fest and pretty much gained weight. We ate fried oreos, ribs, more ribs and more bbq lol. After we walked around a bit, he got a few calls to go to the race track in Joliet. We dipped and ended up staying at the track for at least 5 hours. We drank margaritas and I ate someones french fries.. and popcorn. lol. Blahblahblah we end up driving home but ended up stopping at a friend’s house to drink. And drink I did. 
 
Woke up in a bed on..

Sunday AM..

.. Up early as hell no hangover. Success. 11am his friend calls him to go with him and his gf to breakfast. We drive about 20 minutes to a breakfast place named Ellies (no pictures because phone was dead). I think it would have been a lot better had I known what the ingredients were like. They were fresh but wasn’t expecting it. Like for example I ordered a skillet with green pepper… however they were the huge peppers and not cut down (they were literally the size of a mini twix lol)… but then I took no joke less than 10 bites and I was full. I was just dehydrated like a mother fucker. So I just chugged diet coke and water (bad idea btw). We leave and get dropped off not knowing what are plans were next. I sit in the backyard and put suntan lotion on. He gets a call and we roll over to his friend’s house. Sun tanning and drinking for hours. It was so chill. Literally stopped everything to go to Trader Joes for Mochi balls.. lol…. I think in total we had like 8 boxes.. They were defiantly weird lol. After we bail we go back to his house and sit and chill till I realize that I wanted Cold Stone. So what did we do? We got Cold stone lol. Fuck yeah.
So. that was pretty much straight my weekend. Now.. this wasn’t anything special.. No, I didn’t win the lottery or get a new car. I didn’t work out once and I ate like shit the entire weekend (no I do not recommend this. One or two cheat meals a week. NOT cheat DAYS!) Yes, I wasn’t AS comfortable and no I didn’t really want to walk around in a bikini, but for once I wasn’t constantly thinking about fitness, the gym, working out or fucking protein powder. I was LIVING. As simple as my weekend was, it was unbelievably relaxing. I felt like I took a mini vacation from myself.

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First Shit Show of the Summer.

Where do I even begin?
What was suppose to be a mini 3 day vaca, couldn’t even start off on the right foot.
 
For the most part I will just post pictures (even though I don’t have many because my phone was always dead).. just because I don’t even know if words will or can describe this fucking shit show. 
 
So let’s start off with waiting for the boys to come scoop Marley and I up. Mom thinks it’s a good idea to start on about my relationship with one of the boys I have been “seeing”. I know I haven’t been open about my personal life but when its necessary I will. With that being said and without saying much, she kind of started bashing him. Ok, so I wouldn’t say “bashing” but not talking positively about our little so called “relationship”… okay fuck it, she thinks that since we are having sex that hes using me. Ok granted in most of my past relationships I have been used (and have been the user so I am no pocket of sunshine) but what she doesn’t know that if I didn’t want the sex I wouldn’t have it. Is it that hard to comprehend? The sex is great and until further notice I will continue to have it. In NO way shape or form do I feel used. This guy (again, without even saying much) is just short of amazing. And since I now know that you read my blogs, I hope you’re blushing 😉 lol kidding but honestly I hope you know that I pray to God everyday, thanking him for putting you in my life. 
 
Okay okay okay.. exactly why I don’t get all emotional and shit lol because it sounds like that ^ ^ 🙂
 
So after our argument, blood was starting to boil…. walked upstairs to get the cage out of my room (for Marley) and I literally could not figure out  how the FUCK to tear it down.. I wanted to throw it out the fucking window. My mom started getting pissed because she said it sounded like I was going to come thru the ceiling so I said fuck it and left it. Now.. maybe I should let it be known that I have always have problems managing my anger and just scream and swear and act immature as a way to cope. I have learned that this is not a healthy way of living. Trust me. 
 
So as hot tempered Marissa bitch fitted her way out the door, the boys roll up. Now.. we rented a car for the weekend because we were bringing up two dogs and a shit ton of….shit I guess (fishing poles food coolers ext) and again… 2 fucking pit bulls lol. Okay.. so they roll up.. I start putting my shit in the car and we try to get the dogs in there as well.. Well….. that didn’t work out as well as I had planned. At this point.. with the littlest shit pissing me off, I didn’t even want to go. Not to mention guess who was sitting in the SMALL ASS backseat with 1 huge pit trying to bang my baby girl THE WHOLE FUCKING TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
 
Fuck it.. not even that important.. I sat there quietly. Awkward. as. fuck. Until I realized that I wanted to drink. So I did just that. 3 hours later we pulled up to his house. At this point I realized that I needed to suck it all up for once and stop being such a gosh darn princess. We all unpacked and I made the boys peanut butter and jelly on my little bad ass sandwich grill lol.. So as we ate and drank we just chilled for a bit.
 

Fast forwarding to Saturday Morning..

 
..I impatiently wait around and before noon even hit we were in the car heading down to the water. We get into the water and we all start drinking (more so because I was freezing and the sun wasn’t out.. just like earlier where life sucked in the back of the car, apparently drinking solves problems)… a couple of bites later, the weather turned. Rain start pouring down and we headed back to shore. I was still sitting on the edge with my rod in the water… I swear rain helps fishers lol.. but it didn’t. No big deal. We head home, change and probably start drinking again. Later that night we headed to the casino and I pissed away a little bit of money.. nothing too drastic (but I can SURE as fuck see how people lose mortgages.. holy fuck).. So we all decided to sit down at the roulette table which had turned all digital, it was all touch screen. It was awesome. I sat by my dude for a bit and picked some numbers for him.. probably 20 minutes later Kornel put $20 on my screen and I started playing. I swear, INSTANTLY I was up at least double my money. I ended up walking about with $60 lol… not bad for nothing right? On our way back from the casino we stopped at this strip club that I had been to once before. Now granted I haven’t been to many strip clubs but this was like nothing short of a hole in the wall (speaking of random holes.. omg jk lol)… but just remember, I am in Wisconsin. LOL.
Here.. you weren’t suppose to take pictures but I clearly can’t follow rules…So that’s Teddy pretty much getting molested and loving it. I got groped by a stripper and my boobs were taken out and fondled. lmfao. so dirty idk wtf was going on. We leave the strip club, and we run into a younger guy (early 20’s ??) walking with a cane. I don’t know how this all started but we all got to talking. Long story short he pretty much got jumped (a pussy way of beating the crap out of someone), and it left him paralyzed. Holy fuck I know I am a bitch, but I cry like one too. I swear I could cry at the drop of a dime. sometimes, it sucks lol. But my heart dropped.. I felt so fucking bad. After we all keep drinking till the bar closed, we headed back home. The car ride back got pretty heated though. I swore at his friend (teddy) and pretty much didn’t hold back when he started saying shit I didn’t like. Clearly I was drunk so I don’t remember what was said I just know that when I get passionate about something (or feel that someone is being disrespected) I have NO problem letting people know whats up. I just don’t think being ignorant/disrespectful/hurtful is anyway shape or form is something to be proud about. I have hurt so many people in the past, that I am ashamed of it and hope that I am doing a better job not even for myself, but because of the pain I have brought on to so many people. It’s disgusting to even think about.Anyways lmfao.
blahblahblah I don’t remember anything after the car ride… soooo moving on lol..
 

Sunday Morning..

..and I am up before anyone else..aaaaaaaaaaagain (745am exactly lol). wait and wait and wait….teddy wakes up…waiiiitingggggggggggggggggg. I get annoying and wake Mike up. I keep lying to everyone and telling em its later then it really is and that we are pissing away our vaca hours! lol. I honestly dont care what people think of me anymore (I think I pissed both his friends off at some point, AND him now that I think about it lol)… so we pack up the booze and the rods and errrrybody and head out (not even 11am lol), we stop at the gas station and pick up some chasers and the boys all got cigarettes (btw 5 months CLEAN BITCHES!!) lol.. so we all start to head out and we hear something drop off the boat when Mike veered off the road a bit. Later we find out its my bowl that I have had for years.. literally years. lol. Super pissed (well kinda..shit happens).Sun is shining, boats in the water, drinks in one hand, fishing poles in the other.
We all have a good time, drinking and fishing.. Jumping into the water, falling into the water all for a few hours (besides waking up in the morning, this entire weekend I never actually knew what time it was lol).. So the sun was shining, temperature rising to the high 90’s.. Apparently I got drunk and passed out and now I have incredible sun burns.. oh.. and bruises. Words cant describe them and actually neither can these pictures because my bruises are BAD (falling into the water and boosting myself back up are the only things I can think of as to why I look like I got my ass beat). lol. So Sunday night was nice, we all chilled a bit, drinking more lol.. (don’t remember anything late night though)..

Monday Morning..

..I wait and wait and wait for people to get up. Teddy and I say fuck it and go and try to find my bowl on the side of the street. We pull up and park and as soon as we get out of the car I have 7 mosquitoes on me. 7. Fucking so fucking stupid. What the fuck. I was so annoyed all weekend because of these damn mosquitoes lol.
 
So as you probably could of guessed, we didn’t fucking find it. whatever. Just add it to the reasons this was a stupid shit show.. I don’t know a lot of these details lol so I went and asked this boy (enter smile here), and as what I waited to say happened Monday actually happened Sunday…. so lets back track.. blahblah were back to Sunday..
 
I happen to like this boy. We are nothing official unless Facebook adds a Friends with Benefits or Best Friends who are having sex button or “title”. I am okay with this. I actually PREFER this. YES ladies and gentlemen, I prefer this over being in a relationship. I am not going to get sappy or tell you how I don’t guys (Lol.. its true, but I also just don’t like people in general) <– true as shit and maybe I will post a separate blog as to why I wish I could keep the things I want and get dropped off on an island by myself (and the things I choose ect)..
 
..anyways another disclaimer/reminder? I AM AN EMOTIONAL ASS FUCK!
 
okay well.. that and I am very intuitive.. it’s almost scary sometimes. That being said I went thru his phone. I have never wanted to do it.. EVER. I can’t even explain why I did it. Well I happened to see texts from him and another girl (same girl we bumped into when I was out with him for his friends birthday), going back and forth about how he still loves her and how I am just a friend. Now.. I had NO right to do what I did (let this be known). I KNOWINGLY thru away trust and respect when I did that, but no joke.. Something inside me,  felt like I had to. Seek and you shall find.
 
My heart hit the floor. After all the conversations we had had, HE (out of all people) does this to me..? It was a slap in the face.. more like a spit in the face rather. I left the messages up of where it said he still loved her and set it on the table, plain sight, out in the open, the first thing he will see when he opens up the door and follows me inside. I meet him outside on the verge of a panic attack.. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was 3 and 1/2 hours away with no reception. I wanted to throw up. I looked at him and calmly (legit calm) told him that I was going into our room and how I didn’t want to be bothered for the entire time. He looked at me, back down (probably because I wasn’t hyperventilating  like I wanted to, or screaming and slapping him in the face).. I swear sometimes I think I am psychotic. He was confused until after I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, then I think the confusing got worse. I walked away and shut the door to our bathroom and sat on the toilet. I had NO idea what the fuck I was going to do. Had this been done in Illinois I would have NEVER spoken to him again. This is no way short of the truth, I am THAT stubborn. So I sat there, he came in, phone in hand. I don’t remember much of the details but I have never called someone a scumbag as much as I did that day. FUCKKKKKK was I hurt. He tried explaining, and I’ll cut this shit short, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. His logic only made sense to him, and as I tried explaining it I think he understands where I’m coming from. You don’t tell an exes best friend that you’re still in love with her and either a. think that wont be repeated or b.make her stop texting you? I don’t know and I don’t care, (To him: you’re only hurting yourself in the end babe..if you love her fight for her. No joke loves hard to find)..
 
 Okay so..that was like the cherry on top.
 
..Now you may be confused on why I was even pissed in the first place because I did this to myself and he really didn’t do anything. I mean I AM just his friend.. but the whole love thing…. again that’s not something you throw around. If it didn’t hurt me it should hurt the other ears listening. I would NEVER tell someone I was still in love with them if I didn’t mean it. THAT shit breaks hearts.. so do you get where I am coming from now? I mean 5 years he spent with this girl.. 2 months later we started “talking”.. shit has been great no bullshit no drama then this shit? And after my mom mentioned something to this extent MINUTES before he came and picked me up? Fucking weirrrrrddddd. Lol. But everything happens for a reason. Not even those weird signs but just the fact that this happened in Wisconsin. Like I wish all of you readers knew me on a personal level just so you know how I view life because I really am trying to be passionate about LIVING that I don’t DEAL with “drama”. That shit doesn’t phase me. You know why? I don’t allow it too. Yes shit pisses me off but nothing I can’t handle. So after that, probably countless apologies later, shit was like that never even happened..back to MONDAY.. shit was fine. I bitched some more about being hungry that they eventually got up and headed out to breakfast. Since we were already in bumble fuck we had to drive probably 15-30min away just to find some food (lol), not to mention it was memorial day… lol.. in Wisconsin wheres there like 2 McDonald’s in the entire state, we pull up to some breakfast place (kinda super excited only because small hole in the walls, unlike strip clubs, are fucking awesome) “rumored to be the best breakfast in town” (uh well no shit Sherlock you’re the ONLY breakfast place in town)… whatever. LOL. Teddy and I walk in while the other boys smoked a cig. Lady took awhile to even notice me, so teddy went and smoked a cig too.. She acknowledged me and then sat me. They all sat down and we looked over the menu which was awesome. lol I wanted EVERYTHING. I ended up like wanted a “Denver Scrambler” (actually spelled scramblee and realized how close the r is to the e and decided to correct it because y’all would just think I misspelled it and now know they did not name a scrambler a scramblee lol). It was Ham Onions Red Peppers and Cheddar Cheese. So when it was my time to order, I wanted that scrambler with Sausage instead of ham. She told me that I cant substitute the scramblers. I don’t know why but I said okay and someone else ordered. As I was scrambling around I wanted a different “scrambler” (wasn’t technically a scrambler but I forgot the name) and figured that I just couldn’t substitute but I could take out. So it had mushrooms and beans, but everything I wanted, I didn’t even want to add anything and she told me I couldn’t even do that…. blood fucking boiling. I had been hungry for the past 3 hours and now this waitress is making me look like a retard. So pretty much if his friends weren’t there I would of walked out. Again, no joke. She pissed me off that much. At first ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS CHANGE HAM TO SAUSAGE. Are you shitting me? Then ALL I WANTED WAS TO TAKE 2 INGREDIENTS OUT!!! Lmfao. God forbid. At that point I didn’t even want to eat I was just so fucking annoyed. Lol. Holy shit balls get me home.We stayed around for a little bit (sleeping, drinking ect), then started playing Frisbee. Time started to pass and it was already 6:30pm.. Teddy was going to stay (so he was getting tipsy) and we decided that we needed to leave soon. We packed up and cleaned the place up a bit, while Kornel was telling Teddy he’ll drive his car (FUCK YEA! Meaning I didn’t have to sit in the back with 2 dogs, sober and sun burnt as hell. NO FUCKING THANK YOU ). We got our shit in the car and headed out. About an hour and 1/2 later we stopped for food and I swear it was the best part of the trip. I need to go to AW again. Hamburger and chili cheese fries (and CHEESE CURDS HOLY FUCK) needs to be in my belly again. After that, another 2 hours later and I was passed out in my bed. Sun burnt but alive.
 

 

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Day 48-52 For someone who doesn’t like excuses, I sure have a shit ton.

Ah. Jeez. So sorry.

😦

I wish I had like a reasonable excuse as to why it has been 5 days since my last post, but I don’t.

Friday I completed my blog (it was boring, so its sitting unpublished lol), and did my 45 min of cardio that night.
Saturday morning I woke up (1130) and did 30 min of cardio on an empty stomach, and sort of rushed the rest of the time.

Around 1230 (after showering and eating) I headed out on a mini road trip, so for the weekend day 48/49 will be better off explained via pictures 🙂

So Sunday I get back. Apparently I ate BBQ chips the night before 😦 and a lot more alcohol then I had wanted too :/ So I was a little weird about that. So what do I do? Eat like shit. Why? The only excuse I could come up with is I was hungover. So I ate, nothing too bad but a whole lot of nothing healthy.

Part of Mondays Binge.

Monday comes along. I feel like shit still. Haven’t been sleeping. Start day 2 of binge.

Enter embarrassing details here.

Tuesday comes along. I feel like shit still, only one to blame is myself. That and fucking pot. Start day 3 of binge.

Enter even more embarrassing details here.

Wednesday comes along. I still feel like shit. I knew I was going to feel like shit. I am SO FUCKING OVER IT.

I have been driving home in silence lately.. trying to figure out my ways of self destruction. I literally talk myself through it. I KNOW what I am doing. I KNOW how I will feel afterwards.. and what..? I still do it?

That makes a whole lot of fucking sense doesn’t it?
no?

YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK.

Yet I have no excuse. And No I do not want comments saying its okay and todays a new day and shit like that because I know that.. I am not ruining today because of yesterdays..and the day before that were complete and utter shit. No.. I am simply trying to talk my way through this feeling/emotion/lack of dopamine/ whatever the fuck it is, I am trying to U N D E R S T A N D it. Because I don’t.

My mom thought it was because I like to punish myself. FUCK THAT. Why would I LIKE to punish myself? I feel like shit. I treat people like shit when I feel like shit. I get angry when really I am sad inside. and quite frankly I have YET to find joy in my pain/punishment.

I have yet to find a balance 😦 but as God is my witness, I will work each and everyday to try and find it 🙂

So today is Wednesday. I am on spring break from school (big deal lol) so I am going to leave work my usual 30-45min early just so I can get to the gym faster.
I am ready again. GO HARD.

But is it not bizarre that technically I “fell off” exactly 1.5 months in, exactly half way through? lol….. hmmmmm…. It’s allllll good.. I just have to step it up a bit and go fucking tanning. I swear if you are ever self conscious about your body, so spray tanning. Everyone looks good tan. I. am. not. kidding.

and I think I am FINALLY going to get my nails done :):) Its been WAY too long, but I am finally not broke haha.. My reimbursement for school came yesterday WITH MY INCOME TAXES BACK!!! HOLLLLAAAAAAAA… to bad I owe like $500 to people lol.. ol well.. 😦 That’s the price you pay for having fun lol..

but back to the basics.

745am This is now my wake up time. Exactly 15 min to get ready, and 15 min to walk Marley and make a protein shake lol. This was my beautiful baby this morning..

830am HALF OF A PROTEIN SHAKE, I gave the other half to my car. 1 scoop myofusion (nasty kind, DEF picking some good shit up today).  1/2 TBS Coconut Oil, and some c. shreds Ice and Water.

11am Snacked on 1/2 chicken breast and a CCCD Lara Bar.

and possibly some almonds.. look at all the fun stuff I got at Walgreens.. Seriously me with money is NOT good, especially because I need to go to GNC and I finally get to buy my MUSCLE EGGSSS!!! HELLLLLL YEAH! I need to get Glutamine and another jug of myofusion 🙂

The almonds are on sale for Buy 1 Get 1 Free 🙂 Like I said when I put the pic on instagram, careful they are ADDICTING!!!!

2pm Finishing 1/2 chicken breast and some more almonds. I will eat more later when I leave at 415ish

FINALLY FUCKING BOUGHT MUSCLE EGG!!!!!! HELLLLLL YEAH!! Cost me $75 but its chocolate EGG WHITES!!!

and then went to GNC after work and bought $55 worth of protein and a multi vitamin and 2 turbo teas 🙂 Picture will be in tomorrows blog.. 🙂

730pm

THE WORKOUT:

LEGGGSSSS FOR DAYYYYYYSSSS

Leg Press– Actually no.. I didn’t do leg press.. retard sally cakes thinks the gym is a playground and just chit chat BY the machine. Cool story bro.

Lunges– Only had 30lb DB in hand.. 2×20 reps=

100 TOTAL LUNGES!!

Squats– Went into studio for these.

15lb DB x 10 followed by
BW x 10

5 Min of Planks All supersetted. Sweating like a beast by now..

Leg Ext- Started with 135lbs lol. Maxxed out at 155lb.

Calf Raises 3×12 25lbs (my calves were cramping)

No cardio.

845pm Chipotle 🙂 Nuff said.

930pm Went to talk with a friend about a super big move that may take place soon 🙂 deets hopefully soon.

1130pm Had an AMAZING shake with the new products I got. Simply in LOVE with this flavor.

1/2c almond milk, almond butter, dymatize protein powder, a powder multi vitamin, ice and blend. So it sounds like its chocolate peanut butter but it has a WHOLE different taste, and its FANTASTIC 🙂

1145pm Went to update blog and my battery died.. So, sorry it’s just coming out now.. and I promise I wont go another week without updating lol.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 35 youngwildfree

so I am continuing last night over here because I didn’t arrive home till 7am….

So after everyone got a couple drinks down everyone started to loosen up a bit.. I don’t think I laughed that hard or that much in such a long time.. I def needed it…

Nikki and I

Well everyone is kind of an idiot (mostly co workers here lol) so we just do dumb stuff (like at work, when its your birthday you get tied up in duck tape…. yup!) any who.. there was a 2 person bike and we were told we had a mission to accomplish.. I actually of video of this whole thing and its fucking awesome.. too bad I don;t know how to post video and second I laugh and sound like a retard..

But we were told we had to bike to this bar down the street take a shot (car bomb) and then get one to go..

The bike we took for our mission. 

 Car Bomb To Go Please 😉

I successfully did this.. and you hear it in the video.. you also hear:

me laughing uncontrollably..
saying something hurts over and over..
I had to pee really bad
Some dude watched me pee and
I was not afraid..

Yeah no idea… you just hear me say “I’m not afraid” lol.

Nikki and Mike

Anywho that was pretty interesting.. I don’t really remember much of the night.. besides the pictures that I took. Well listen to this..

So we are driving home, the sun is coming up.. I am sprawled out on the passenger seat, fully reclined, backwards.. yes.. My head was where you put your ass.. lol i was so comfortable.. let me tell you. THAT I DO remember lol.. well we were getting closer to my house and I realize my phone wasn’t working, figured it was just dead.. Well I plugged it in before I hopped in bed and just passed out.. Didn’t set an alarm, I figured I had only 2 hours of sleep I didn’t know fi I would make church or not.. ( I woke up at 11am.. which TECHNICALLY was 10am, which is when church starts, but since day lights savings time, I ended up waking up when it was ending :() any who..

11am Lost an hour of sleep.. so technically 10am… Got home at 7am…. 3 hours of SOLID sleep, woke up just fine..
Made a protein shake. Myofusion (probiotic or whatever? tastes like shit), banana and almond butter ice water.

I realized my phone wasn’t working.. nothing I would do to it would start it.. (and I have had my fair share of broken apple products) so I ended up making an apt for the north brook apple store (closet one, and thank god I made an apt)…

So I drive all the way to apple by my work, and as Im turning into the parking lot my phone turns on by my jiggling the button a little bit.. so I was like wtf.. should I even go in the mall (i have a shopping problem) but I said fuck it.. might as well just tell them I won’t be coming, so got out and entered north brook court…
As I am walking, half way to Apple my phone turns off again.. and won’t turn back on.. awesome.
Walk into the store, give my name and instantly is helped. Drew helped me actually.. and he had swagger.. random detail but it was cute.. he brought it into the back and came out maybe 5-8min later and said it was completely fried. fucking fuck….. yeah..
So $250 later.. have a brand new WHITE iPhone S this time.. I knew I was eligible for an upgrade so it wasn’t TOO bad, but def wasn’t looking to spend that much money considering I just spent a little over $100 the day before.. So money is BACK to being tight lmfao….. UGHHHHH

And here the bottom picture is the phone actually picked up a charge.
And now I have 2 iPhones…..

BUTTTT THE CAMERA IS SSSSSIIICK!!!! Seriously IN fucking LOVE. It takes some of the nicest pictures.. I also picked up another iPod.. just a shuffle though.. only $50.. yeah i guess I didn’t NEED it but it was only $50 more lol and instead of using my iPhone for music and getting it all sweaty might as well suck it upp..

Yeah.. so blahblahblah

Go to H&R block they helped me out. Taxes are sent.
Visited a mattress store and the lady was SUPER helpful. Family owned, priced a Queen mattress for $450-
Mom later texted me about someone in my brothers apt selling a mattress for 80$ might go pick it up tomorrow. It is really nice..
Went to Jewel for a few things.. If  I wasn’t broke enough.

Got my pineapple
Meat
Bananas
Onions
Drinks and strawberies 🙂 just a little pit stop..
Lol no I didn’t get the oreos.. thought it would be a cool picture……&&

SAW THE CUTEST PUPPY EVER!!!!

Headed home FINALLY!! and to think I was hungover and got all this accomplished! Made a delicious steak and corn before working out..

Left for the gym I don’t know what time actually, did bi’s and tri’s wasn’t a bad workout actually.. Didn’t do core, because I left Marley home alone.. then I realized i left the dryer running too.. and was imagining the worst!!!! :(:(:(:( But came home, made a shake, for the protein lol made it again (rather just added a scoop of whey) and now I am here haha..

Post Workout Shake.
Pineapple
Chia seeds
Vanilla Whey P Powder
Oatmeal
Coconut Milk
Coconut Oil
Ice

OH Also made a pizookie yesterday made out of chickpeas.. Here is the recipe.. Turned out just fine.. WAYYY better warm though, and if you can make the ice milk I think it would be even better.. My sister didn’t even know they were made out of chickpeas..

Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pizookie

(gluten free!)

Obviously inspired by the Deep-Dish Cookie Pie.

  • 2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin (or butternut squash or sweet potato)
  • 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 and 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 3 T canola oil (or coconut oil)
  • 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (You can try adding less sugar, if you’re used to healthy desserts; I chose to use this much because the people to whom I served it are used to “normal” desserts. Also, white sugar will work if you don’t have brown. Also: I know some readers have successfully made my original pie with agave.)
  • 1 cup chocolate chips

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. (Blend until it’s super-smooth.) Mix in chips, and pour into a pan. (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want areally deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

If desired, you can top this pie with Vanilla Ice Milk.

But the pizookie is so soft and so sweet and so gooey that it really doesn’t need any toppings at all.

Here is my picture lol.
Still tasted good though..
912pm My stomach hurts so bad… I don’t know what it is.. I think I need to lay off the flax and shit because my stomach is in knots…
Gonna go make some food in a bit…. then head to bed. Finished laundry chilled for a bit, now its getting close to my bed time… Btw taxes STILL DIDNT GO THRU!!!!! dumb fucking idiots.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 34 Best successes come after disappointments.

I don’t know what is going on with my wordpress lately but it is not making me happy. I think I should just start writing in my email or something and then just transfer it.. my blogs are always so long and detailed.. Whatever.

It was a good day though, mostly out of the office.
Sister came home, we tricked my mom it was pretty cool.
Binged alittle…. Pot smoking again. WTF. I didn’t eat anything bad. but I sure as fuck over ate my flaxseed “cookies” and had a few too many carbs.. so maybe I should do legs today.. Anywho didn’t really feel that bad last night, except literally. My stomach was so bloated and I felt some arrgravation coming on.. So I didn’t go workout which is completely fine but kinda wish I had..

On to today.. Just have a list of certain things..
Really wanna go to yankee candle one of the best sales is going on..
H&R Block
Mattress store

I need:
Pineapple
Strawberries
Corn
Steak
Zucchini
Carrots
Cauliflower
Broccoli

Also want to do go thru all my clothes and throw out shit I don’t want anymore.. I am such a pack rat..

1030am Woke up
12pm Getting up from being lazy
1230pm ate some chili while I made a pizookie
1pm Ate some of the pizookie
2pm Got ready for the gym
3pm Idk wtf I was doing for an hour
315pm GYM TIME: LEGGGGG DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

So After my little “binge” yesterday and me eating some of this delicious pizookie, I decided to do legs today instead of tomorrow. and Fuck did it feel good.

I feel my legs are muscular as hell, and more cardio will lean them out. I think my legs will be my strong point. Will still keep doing legs 2x per week until further notice 🙂

Deadlifts

90lbs (w/o bar) 10reps
10 BW squats

90lbs x 10reps
10 BW squats
110 (w/o bar) 8reps
10 BW squats

110 x 8reps
no squats

Moved onto LUNGES 😉
I think I actually only did 80 weighted lunges.. and about 50 BW ones…. @ 80lbs 🙂

Super stetted back ext (25lbs) w/ Calf raises (25lbs)

Ended with BUTT BLASTER added weight every set till failure

No cardio

CHIPOOOOTTLEEEEEEEE Only bc I didn’t want to stop home first before I went shopping.. I got 1/2 of the brown rice, 1/2 chicken 1/2 steak guac and tomatoes and sc on the side except I didn’t eat it..

Went to kohl’s spent $100 and came home and almost ran Marley over because my mom wasn’t paying attention.. This isn’t the first time… seriously what is she gonna do if marley gets hit by a car? 😦 Just irritated me a bit.

6pm Finishing up laundry.. Was going to take Marley to the park but I am gonna go tomorrow, dude is being a straggler and he wants to go to some beer fest thing.. lol actually the boys from work are asking me to go, more like telling me I AM going.. but I don’t know.. I think it would be kinda fun haha we will see….

556pm Haven’t gone to the grocery store yet

I really don’t remember much of yesterday lol.. cept that mike got me to go out and thats where a fun adventure begins..

Soo its like 7pm and I’ve been on the fence about going out the first time it was even mentioned to me, so we were just chillen…. then I was like fuck it.. pretty much would of left right there but I was technically running an errand for my mom.. so we had to make a quick detour, dropped my car off I changed my pants, made a protein shake real quick and hopped int he car FOR WHAT WAS 1 HOUR AND 30 MIN!!!!!! AND when we rolled up it was someones house.. I thought it was like something out doors or at a bar or something….. not to mention there are folks from WORK!!! and I already get made fun of for hanging/ talking with mike and I roll up with him.. haha

But always.. let me tell you.. this was DEF a good night..

SO were driving and I pop the bottle of vodka open and take a shot.

I allowed myself 6 shots.. thats it. with Sugar Free Redbull or my diet coke.. so I was actually pretty good.. we listened to music, smoked, I drank lol.. had half of my shots the car ride there… lol but it was fine.. Nikki was there.. it was little awkward.. idk why no one told me she was going to be there.. i wouldn’t of cared I would of just texted her whats up instead of waking in and her just sitting there…. good thing elyse wasn’t there lol that probably would of been a shit show..

Haha this is eric, don’t remember taking this…..

So we sat around drinking.. fucking around.. getting into trouble.. but I am going to end it there and start the whole adventure on the next blog.. since technically it is day 35… haha

 

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Day 10 HUNG (RY) OVER

 

6am woke up (boots jacket and all) sitting up right on the couch, in my clothes that I am still wearing.  (3 hours sleep MAX)

645am sitting in drivers seat head on steering wheel eyes close. Kami is freaking out, her wallet is lost.

7am finally decided she was s.o.l and we were off on our way.

7:01am “chicago hit” someone backing out.. nbd, on our way.

7:10am kami needs water, McDonald’s it is. Officially on the road after the small pit stop.

7-10am driving. yelling. swearing. heat on. heat off. window up. window down. some more swearing. speeding. yelling.

The drive wasn’t so bad but we were probably still drunk, kami is freaking out about her wallet and the fact that I DRUNK BUTT DIALED HER DAD! lol but she was literally on the phone with PNC or VISA for the ENTIRE car ride and actually kept her composure which I would of LOST it. These guys were idiots. Anyways..  I got to work an hour late. Head was spinning and stomach was growling and all while sitting in traffic im trying NOT to puke.

so its 12:28pm I haven’t had anything to eat. I’m drinking tea. I’m off today (gym wise) because I have class. I HAVE A 3 HOUR CLASS AFTER ALL THIS?!?!? omg.

So.

  • $120 speeding ticket.
  • a $15 jack and diet coke.
  • Cal didn’t sing his good songs (but I just found out that he did.. and kami and I were singing along just drunk).
  • Police showed up at house.
  • Kami broke her $700 glasses.
  • Bed @ 3am up @ 6am. Drunk.
  • Woke up fully dressed upright on a couch.
  • Kami lost her wallet.
  • I backed into a car.
  • Drove for 3 hours, only an hour late for work.

AWESOME.

So nothing really excited happened between Lunch and 5pm.. But I did make a trip to Whole Foods.. to FINALLY EAT SOMETHING.. um and what the F U C K. I spent $125. Yeah.. and all I wanted was my blackened chicken breasts…

Whole Foods purchase.

Starting from Top Row (left to right) Follow here:

  • Coconut Oil (I’ve been meaning to get this.. and finally I just did).
  • Whey protein powder (I needed vanilla for baking. I dk how it’ll turn out but it wasn’t cheap).
  • Kale chips ($5 lol. They aren’t bad).
  • Superblend (maca, hemp and cacao. Individually they were $23ish per package, so I win. It has all 3 lol).
  • Cacao Bliss (have tried the coconut butter, wanted to test this one).
  • LARA BARS (OMG IM IN LOVE. Coconut CREAM pie, chocolate coconut chew, and apple bar. My love has grown mostly because of Kami. Though she hates them, I actually enjoy them. However I only tried the chocolate chip cookie dough mmmmmm Straight up in love).
  • Alive! (Has a SHIT ton of veggies and nutrients inside, just a simple powder I’m going to add to my green smoothies ).

So I’m actually pretty happy with my purchase. I also got lunch and my chicken breasts just not pictured.

6pm Psych class. Got into an argument with a chick that has a thicker accent that makes everything hard to understand. Someone brought up Whitney Houston and she followed with some smart ass remark and end up saying “..nothing but a piece of shit.” I originally bit my tongue and I saw this nice guy on my left do the same. Well she happened to say it again and I chipped in right away. I pretty much was like how dare you fucking talk about someone like that.. I mean she died.. she was someones family blahblahblah and she’s like “see, why are you coming at me like this?” and “be nicer, respectful.” HOLY HELL. As soon as she even mentioned the word respect, I flipped. I just stopped talking and was just taken aback but the whole thing. She actually ended up caving 25 min into class… I wonder if shell be there next week.. But I had 1/2 of a lara bar before class.

7pm I had a chicken breast.. Sitting in class…… eating a chicken breast with my hands.

You like that shit?

OH and apparently middle children are the best lovers/companions (wife, husband ext). And the most mentally stable. SUCK ON IT BITCHES!. lol just kidding.. Hmmmmm I forget what I’m doing in the gym tomorrow.. legs???? arms??????

Yup 11:27pm and I had the other 1/2 of the Lara Bar.. I’m hooked. Made with dates cashews and whatever else they throw in there but thats it.. and I found another blog I’m super excited about. Will make something else so I can post a recipe, but I was off today at the gym (which is obv why lol)

* I am doing VERY well on my no longer eating sugar kick (thanks for asking).

* Will weigh, and progress pictures this week.

* Oh and I just sneezed and I forgot to mention that my abs/ ribs hurt from doing planks yesterday am. SCORE!

Goodnight ❤

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