Tag Archives: Eating Disorders

Road to Ripped Progress Pictures :D

Do you ever get frustrated that you’re working so hard but not seeing results as quickly as you’d wish? Many people don’t realize that they’re building a foundation for their health and that success will not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly building and learning. It is extremely important to create a foundation that will remain strong even in times of crisis.

It has taken me over 10 years to get to where I am right now. I have struggled and battled every eating disorder out there trying to become what I thought was “perfection”. I starved and have puked myself thin to a point where vessels in my eyes have burst, I coughed up blood almost daily, and consumed no more than 500 calories a day. You think this sounded like happiness? You think this was at all “perfect?” Who would want to live their life like this?

Apparently, I did for years. It wasn’t until I started working at a gym and learning the healthy way of becoming fit..healthy..happy.. I still struggled and I continue to struggle but at this point in my life, I can say that I have become a better person through all of it. It still isn’t easy and I still dread looking in the mirror sometimes but at the end of the day I am proud of what I have accomplished. I know my blog has become somewhat depressing but I don’t give a shit. This is my blog and a way that I can look back and see how far I have become. I go through bad, horrible, unimaginable emotional days but I know what needs to be done in order for me to like myself. Yes.. like myself. I know this world isn’t ALL about outside appearance, and beauty and looking perfect..but it sure seems that way. Maybe that’s where all this stemmed from… Looking at airbrushed the fuck up magazines… starring relentlessly at amazingly conditioned bodies at the gym.. whatever it was.. it consumed me. I will now and forever live my life preaching to the world just how important becoming healthy truly is. Not just for the world to look and comment how beautiful you are, but to honestly feel it inside. I remember looking in the mirror one day at the gym and amazed at the progress I saw. It opened my eyes to just how important treating yourself with respect really was.. And for that, I will devote my time and love into supporting whomever wants to take the journey with me… not just my idea of “road to ripped”..but the road to true inner happiness…

Well.. now that I got that mushy gushy shit off my chest.. I have gathered some pictures after scrolling through 20,000 pictures..yes there are over 20,000 pictures on my Mac.. LOL.. and would like to share some progress pictures, along with what I eat, with you.

Beginning

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Too lazy to crop this one..my bad.

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Now.. this isn’t the end result. This isn’t the “final” product.. I am sure you will all be the first to know when I feel like I am “there”..but this is just that.. my progress thus far. I really wish I had old pictures of back when I was skin and bones because THAT would be the true progress. I went from being 98lbs (I am 5’7) to a whopping 150+ ( I stopped weighing myself at one point in fear of what the truth was. The scale isn’t your friend.. nor is it 100% accurate especially when you are beginning, or continuing a fitness regimen. I always fear my clients will get unmotivated if they are not happy at the number staring back at them.. We all know muscle takes up less space in the body, making our clothes fit better, but weighs more than fat. You could fit in those jeans you havent worn in forever, yet the scale hasn’t budged. THIS IS NORMAL! Do NOT be afraid anymore! As long as you are moving, getting and staying active and watching the SHIT foods in moderation while keeping a healthy “diet”, the scale shouldn’t matter anymore), and now I am back at 150. Shit.. Tell me years ago that I would be 150 and I would have cried myself to sleep for days.. but this is the thing.. I have never been in this great of shape before.. Okay… yes I have.. when I competed in a bikini show a year or two ago.. but this is it.. I feel it. Nothing can stop me anymore..

I haven’t binged in the longest time. I actually couldn’t even tell you the last time I did.. why? because I am too determined to be great. I am too determined to prove to myself that I can stick with this shit. Through the bad days, the good ones and fuck! Even the ones that wish I never got out of bed I still tell myself over and over that I can DO THIS!.. and honestly.. so can everyone that has signed up to be trained by me.. The thing is.. it really depends on how bad you want it. You can THINK you do.. you can even dream about it.. but nothing matters until you actually do it and KEEP doing it. Keep in mind you will have bad days.. but just look forward to the good ones. Like they said, ” don’t be afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still”.. Pick yourself up.. and keep moving forward. No matter how long it takes, just know that you are one day closer to being who you truly want to be…

Here are a few pictures of what I eat on a daily basis…

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Kashi Waffles with WF pancake syrup

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Look at the food that I eat.. Why starve when you can achieve a fantastic looking body by eating? I mean.. truly eating and I eat A LOT. Yes.. people will still think I look manly.. yes not every girl wants my body.. but I am HEALTHY.. and it doesn’t even end there.. but I am HAPPY with my body.. how many of you can actually say that?

My main go to’s are ground turkey, steak, chicken, greek yogurt, eggs, fruits of all kinds (be careful.. now yes a banana is better than eating a snickers but fruit has sugar regardless if its natural or not. Now there are many stereotypes about all this crap.. but the only reason I bring this up is because people tend to take things for granted and consume high amount of calories thinking that just because its healthy that it wont matter… well.. it does. It’s all about calories in vs calories when talking about weight loss.. Just keep that in mind)… asparagus, broccoli, sweet potatoes and regular potatoes.. I have fallen in love with Kashi Waffles (I usually don’t find many products that have a good ingredient list, but surprisingly enough, the ingredients were basic and the nutrition % was awesome! There are about 150 calories for 2, 19g of carbs, 2g of protein).. Skinny Cow has also become a favorite of mine as well.. I would rather have one of those strawberry shortcakes then a whole pint of ice cream.. My portion control sucks a fat one!

But there you have it ladies and gentleman.. A blog post that took be over an hour to write, but one that was worth reading. One that wasn’t full of depression and shit that makes you want to feel bad for me. LOL! Not saying that everything in my life is perfect at the moment, because that is far from the truth. However, just giving you an insight on how actually giving a fuck about your body can and will benefit you each day forward. It has taught me dedication and has held me accountable.. traits that are hard to come by and stick with in this day in age. It is so easy to just not give a shit and to eat whatever you want and to sleep an extra hour than to get up and do some cardio, or take a bike ride.. It is so easy to not care.. why don’t we choose the path less taken?

What do we have to lose?

 

 

except a few pounds here and there 😉

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Carbohydrates.

So instead of my rants and raves I’ve decided to actually write something worth reading.. something a lot of people are wondering about.. something a lot of people don’t understand. Carbohydrates.

The reason for this post was because of last nights creep session. I was scrolling thru my instagram feed and saw a post a girl wrote and in the comments she wrote about how she stops eating carbs after 3pm and to stay away from bananas. Now.. let one thing be clear, we are ALL different and so are our bodies. So yes, what may be good for me may not be good for you. With that being said, all I want to do is enlighten one regarding carbohydrates.

A few years ago when I started personal training, I instantly began to research and ask questions. Everything from a training routine to different diets. Obviously Google is one of my best friends, but everything you read on the internet isn’t always entirely true and can be very misleading. However, any information was better than no information. So I took to researching, writing and printing all the information I found that would be useful. At this point I started training for my first bikini contest. I decided to do it on my own with no trainer like they suggest. I figured I had this shit down. Little did I know.. that I knew very little.

The closer I got to the show, the less foods I was “told” to consume. Carrots, for example, became off-limits and I started forming really bad habits. I barely ate carbs and consumed about double the recommended protein for my body weight. I worked out 6 days a week and was up to 90 minutes of cardio everyday. I was moody, tired, and my work outs began slacking. I was always used to forbidding food (I was anorexic at one time, turned into bulimia and then binge eating after my first competition), so categorizing foods as good and bad was nothing new.

It wasn’t until my second contest prep where I sought the help of a new found figure competitor at the gym I was working at. She tried explaining that in order to “grow” I needed these good carbs. Good Carbs? There is such a thing? Yes, yes there is.

Don’t be misled by fad diets that make blanket pronouncements on the dangers of carbohydrates. They provide the body with fuel it needs for physical activity and for proper organ function, and they are an important part of a healthy diet. But some kinds of carbohydrates are far better than others.

Choose the best sources of carbohydrates—whole grains (the less processed, the better), vegetables, fruits and beans—since they promote good health by delivering vitamins, minerals, fiber, and a host of important phytonutrients.  Skip the easily digested refined carbohydrates from refined grains—white bread, white rice, and the like— as well as pastries, sugared sodas, and other highly processed foods, since these may contribute to weight gain, interfere with weight loss, and promote diabetes and heart disease.

Not all carbohydrates are created equal and there is a glycemic index (please google) for that:

The glycemic index, or glycaemic index, (GI) provides a measure of how quickly blood sugar levels (i.e. levels of glucose in the blood) rise after eating a particular type of food. The effects that different foods have on blood sugar levels vary considerably. The glycemic index estimates how much each gram of available carbohydrate (total carbohydrate minus fiber) in a food raises a person’s blood glucose level following consumption of the food, relative to consumption of pure glucose.[1] Glucose has a glycemic index of 100.

Now, I don’t want to confuse anyone. I know it can get that way at times, but I HIGHLY suggest you do your research. Again, what may work for you may not work for another. The reason I really wanted to get this out there is because I was misinformed. I stopped eating carbohydrates altogether. I labeled CARROTS as a BAD food for goodness sakes! You live and learn but I also learned the hard way.

As your primary fuel source, carbohydrates are important to your body. If you hope to perform to your potential during athletic activity, you must adjust your carb intake to match your energy output — too many carbs can lead to fat gain, and too few carbs can leave you sluggish and fatigued. That said, it is important to gradually self-adjust until you find the amount that works best for you and your workout.

So don’t go crazy.. EAT the GOOD carbohydrates. It’s the “bad” ones that you need to stay away from. The ones that are heavily processed and full of sugar. THAT’S what you should be “scared” of. Not bananas because their high in sugar (yes bananas are one of the highest sugar/carb count but they are FULL of nutrients). I would never completely take out a wholesome food from my diet. Instead, I know that eating a banana early in the morning gives me the best chance to be able to use its nutrients instead of being stored as “fat” (sugar IS sugar), or after a workout where my body will utilize it. It is all about understanding foods not giving up on them.

Here is a great article from live strong that I will leave you with:

Some popular diets such as the Atkins diet demonize carbohydrates, claiming that eating carbohydrates leads to weight gain. The Merck manual says carbohydrates are a very important part of a person’s diet because they provide energy to the body. While some carbohydrates are very healthy, others may, in fact, lead to weight gain. It is important to understand the distinction between refined carbohydrates and unrefined carbohydrates.

Refined and Unrefined

The Merck manual explains that refined carbohydrates are highly processed. The fiber and many nutrients in refined carbohydrates have been stripped out. Refined carbohydrates–such as white bread, cake and candy–are essentially empty calories, which may lead to excess weight gain. Unrefined carbohydrates–such as brown rice, fruits and vegetables–contain fiber and many vitamins and minerals. They tend to stabilize blood sugar levels and promote a healthy weight.

Whole Grains

Whole grains include 100 percent whole wheat bread, whole grain barley, brown rice, buckwheat, bulgur, quinoa, oats and corn. The National Institutes of Health recommends that 40 percent to 60 percent of a person’s diet come from carbohydrates, mostly unrefined carbohydrates containing whole grains. Whole grains include all three parts of the grain: the bran, endosperm and germ. Each part has distinct nutritional benefits.

Fruits

Fruits such as bananas, apples and berries are simple carbohydrates in that they are digested fairly quickly by the body. Fruits are unrefined, though, so they contain many important nutrients. Fruits are considered to be a good carbohydrate because they are packed with vitamins and minerals and have fiber to help you feel full.

Legumes

Beans, lentils, dried peas and peanuts are all examples of legumes, which are good carbohydrates according to the Merck manual because they contain protein to help you feel full. They are also full of fiber and rich in vitamins and minerals. The many nutritional benefits and the fact that they are unrefined make legumes a healthy carbohydrate choice.

Bad Carbohydrates

The category of white carbohydrates encompasses many different foods such as white bread, white rice and white pasta. These foods are considered to be bad carbohydrates, which should be limited in a healthy diet. The National Institutes of Health says refined carbohydrates such as white bread and white rice may increase the risk of diabetes and lead to weight gain.

Sugar

Any foods that contain sugar–such as candy, chocolates, cake, muffins and cookies–are refined carbohydrates. These foods are bad carbohydrates that should be limited because they have no nutritional value whatsoever. They provide empty calories, and the National Institutes of Health says empty calories from refined carbohydrates may lead to obesity.

Eat to live, don’t live to eat. Enjoy eating healthy, google recipes, eat wholesome foods and get moving and I promise your life can change. It’s hard at first but is so worth it. Just educate yourself don’t just listen to someone because their in “great shape”. Trust me, starving yourself will make you lose weight but is far from healthy.
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50/50

Oh, the feeling of feeling sore..

..haven’t felt this in awhile because like I always write about, I am still on my way to finding a balance between my “normal” life and my obsessive relationship with body image. Where instead of worrying about not getting a work out in and enjoying the time in which that time was spent.  It’s hard, and being in a new relationship is even harder. I have been splitting what free time I do have with him and the gym (.. I did take a few weeks off prior to this post but that’s besides the point). The only thing that is hard about this is that I am giving up being happy with myself, for being happy with him. He makes me feel comfortable. He makes me feel okay about the fact that I don’t have my bikini body 24/7. On the flip side, it doesn’t take away how I truly feel inside..  but this give and take thing is sort of wonderful… now if I can only get to love myself a few pounds heavier.

It’s a far fetched “dream” coming from a 23 yr old whose suffered from eating disorders ever since she could remember. However, there is nothing wrong with being in shape. Absolutely nothing. The only problem I see is with how obsessive I get and how I beat myself up if I’m not “up to par” with how I should.. or feel like I should look like. Now.. with that being said, whose fault is it that I am not in as great of shape as I’d like?

This girls.

Fuck. Seriously just fuck. I have no explanation. I have excuses.. that’s for damn sure, but no REASONABLE explanation as to how this makes any sense. I choose what I put into my body. I choose whether or not I am going to the gym, going to finish cardio…

I am my own worse enemy.

..even as I write this, I feel ashamed. Now I have clearly pinpointed the problem, understand the consequences, yet continue to do nothing about it.

Not this time.

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Fuck. It’s finally friday.

Life has been throwing quite a few curve balls at me lately.
..and usually I am one to throw in the towel, call it quits, say I don’t give a fuck, anything but actually roll with the punches.  You know, sit on the pity pot, cry myself to sleep while I ask “why me?”
Lol. “why me?” How ignorant.
Lets take something positive out of a semi bad situation.. I currently have a pending misdemeanor for a speeding ticket I got a few weeks ago. Granted this is going to cost me a chunk of change (lawyer, court fines ext), it has slowly (obviously) given me some patience, that I lack ever so badly. I cruise on the highway going 70 (usually a MINIMUM of 80 mph for this lead foot), sometimes even getting passed by semis but I can’t risk it. Not only that, what am I in a rush for? Life passes by quickly enough as it is.. I don’t need to hurry things along even faster. I think why I feel so “changed” is because I use to ALWAYS be on a schedule (working, eating, lifting), and there simply wasn’t enough hours in the day to please me.
Now, I am taking each little “life’s lessons”, and trying to see the good in all situations. I am such a negative person as it is and clearly it hasn’t been working out for me. I want to love myself, not put myself on a pedestal.
Random thought.. yes I have my little tangents.

The Food Log..

9am 2 slices of Ezekiel Bread w/Jiffy (not natural) <-- :(
12pm Ezekiel Pasta with lean Ground Turkey and natural sauce (only has 6 ingredients).
3pm Chicken and Veggies.
6pm (Pre Work Out)* 1/2c Greek Yogurt w/ 1/4c Steel Cut Oats (w/ 3 strawberries).
9pm (Post Work Out)* Ezekiel Pasta w/ Organic Butter and Ground Turkey.
11pm and later Casein shake.

*Pre Work Out (explanation) from Askmen.com

Pre-exercise meals should be mainly composed of “slow-burning” complex carbs, such as fruits, vegetables, whole-grain bread, rice, pasta, and cereals. Given that they are your body’s main source of energy, 65% to 70% of the total calories of your pre-workout meal should come from carbs. Complex carbs take longer to convert to glucose, which will keep your blood sugar level consistent and prevent you from having an energy crash in the middle of your workout.In addition, 15% of the total calories of your meal should come from protein. Because fat takes longer to digest, and therefore uses more energy than protein and carbs, it should be kept to a minimum immediately before a workout.Avoid simple sugars, such as candy, in the hour before your workout. They can send your blood sugar level shooting down, leading to a severe drop in energy.Another factor in deciding what to eat is the amount of time between your meal and your workout. A big meal of 1,000 to 1,500 calories takes three to four hours to digest and convert into energy, whereas a smaller meal of about 600 calories will take two to three hours. A small snack under 300 calories will only take about an hour.

 
Examples: Oatmeal, Bananas, Trail Mix, Whole Wheat Pasta.

The Work Out

Hamstring and Glute day, yay!
Starting off with Deadlifts (compound exercises should be knocked out first. These are the ones that tax your body the most aka take most energy.. deplete glycogen stores quickly.. This is also another reason why I don’t do much, if any, cardio on leg days).
I usually do 5 sets, 12,12,10,8,8 (reps).
50lbs + bar for 2 sets of 12 reps (or till failure.. if you can knock out another rep GO FOR IT!)
add 20lbs
70lbs for 1 set of 10 reps.
add 10lbs
80lbs for 2 sets of 8 reps.
Not supersetting this with anything.
Will however do 3 sets of calf raises afterwards before I hit lunges.
Calf Raises
3 sets of 45lb (10-12 reps).

LUNGES!!!!

5 Sets of 20 reps (WEIGHTED!!)
I think I might just stick with 20 lb Dumbbells=

100 (40lb) total lunges 🙂
POSSIBLY superset with 30 sec wall sits.

Finish with a lighter Good Morning (kind of like an awkward stiff legged deadlift).
supersetted with planks.
Would like to also complete at LEAST 30 Minutes of light (but elevated- on an incline) cardio on the treadmill.
Sauna if I’m lucky?
 
Post Work Out Meal (explanation) by Askmen.com
As a general rule of thumb, you’ll want to consume about 0.8 grams of carbohydrate per 2.2 pounds of body weight within 30 to 60 minutes after your workout. Any longer and you may miss your “window of opportunity” (the time period in which your muscles will benefit most from nutrition). You’ll also want to take in about one-third or one-half that ratio in protein or about 0.2 to 0.4 grams per 2.2 pounds of body weight.However, it’s not just the amount of these nutrients that’s important — it’s a little bit more complicated than that — which is why AM has decided to rank its top 10 post-workout foods for you to keep handy after you hit the gym.
 
Examples: Hummus on a whole-grain pita. Toasted whole wheat bagel with almond butter. Dried fruits and nuts. Tuna and whole-wheat crackers. Egg white and spinach omelet
Basically this is what I follow. I never knew how important carbs were to someones diet/body. It is almost CRUCIAL. What happens when you go low carb for awhile (or forever lol).. your body begins to think that its starving. “However, if there is very little carbohydrate in the diet, the liver converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies. The ketone bodies pass into the brain and replace glucose as an energy source. An elevated level of ketone bodies in the blood, a state known as ketosis, leads to a reduction in the frequency of epileptic seizures.” – Wikipedia.
I know people have a misconception about carbohydrates, but we all need to understand that we can EAT carbohydrates, we just have to eat the right ones (and technically at the right time). Don’t be scared of food. Eat to live not live to eat. Try and stay away from heavily processed carbs (have TONS of hidden sugars) and switch to Whole Wheat. Its a SIMPLE change that has MANY benefits, and I promise the taste isn’t even that noticeable!! ….. ok well if it is, get use to it lol.
This weekend I will be sure to list the certain food products I have known to help in a healthy (organic/whole) lifestyle. Instagram has been a HUGE help in aiding my addiction to sugar and living a happy healthy normal life. I’m all for trying new things now!!!!
So follow me btw..

@Maristheshit

 

Recipe of the day:

Strawberry Frosting Shots
(or strawberry mousse)
  • 1 can full-fat coconut milk (Perhaps you can sub 1 cup soaked, drained cashews or macadamia nuts if allergic to coconut? If anyone tries, please report back!)
  • 2-5 strawberries (more will yield a thinner mousse)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • sweetener to taste (stevia or powdered sugar)
  • tiny pinch salt (trust me)
Open the coconut milk, and if it isn’t yet as thick as in the above photo, leave the can (or transfer to a bowl) uncovered in the fridge overnight. (Don’t shake the can before opening.) It should get very, very thick. (If it doesn’t, you’ve gotten a bad can that won’t work for the recipe. I highly recommend Thai Kitchen Organic.) Once thick, transfer just the thick part to a bowl (leave out the watery bit at the bottom of the can, for a thicker mousse) and blend with all other ingredients. Stored uncovered in the fridge, the mixture gets even thicker.
 

 

I have been meaning to make “cool whip” out of coconut milk. I recently bought 2 cans and haven’t even touched them. I think it would be wonderful on pancakes on Saturday or Sunday morning. Mmmm.. Chocolatecoveredkatie.com <== LOVELOVELOVE!
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The only journey is the journey within..

..and you better strap on (lol), because this is gonna be a bumpy ride.
 
Not even kidding.
 
I was updating pictures, blog posts and emails last night when I spotted a journal I had used while I was training for one of my very first shows. It mostly talks about relationships and how I am feeling throughout the days (pretty much my blog in writing). What I found to be pretty common in the posts, is me trying to understand why I binged like I did. I am still almost lost after reading even what I thought were my triggers, however I don’t really need expect or even want an explanation, but I want to be able to shed light for others. I truly believe the best teachers out there are the ones with experience. Yes, knowledge is incredibly sexy and intimidating, but experience is real life situations turned (hopefully) positive lessons learned.
 
So what I found in common was how much I wrote about food, and how it consumes me more than I consume it (which is ALMOST hard to believe right?)..My mind is constantly surrounded by images of food, when, where or if I’ll eat something, anything or everything. Fitness, weight Loss, anything revolving around my body image, clouded my brain every  s i n g l e day. NOTHING else mattered when it came down to it. With that being said, I believe I will be in the fitness industry/ have a healthy background/lifestyle till the day I die. I am not one that could continue day to day being or feeling over weight.
 
I have been heavy (or what I feel  is over weight and completely and utterly UNFUCKINGCOMFORTABLE!), and I have never hated myself more. Me being/feeling uncomfortable is nothing less than a recipe for disaster aka my main “trigger”, and for someone who wants peace in the world and hates bullying and abuse against animals blahblahblah hippie shit.. I sure practice hate in my heart, against m y s e l f. How horrible. What a SHITTY way of living and I have done this for YEARS. Eating disorder after eating disorder. Tear after tear. This was my life.
I want everyone to know out there that you need to do this for yourself. Please don;t try to drastically change for a boy or girl to get them to like you. Because if you don’t even like yourself I promise you its going to be an upward battle. Stay patient and know that if you wish, this doesn’t have to be forever. Things do change.

So tomorrow is June 1st..

..It marks my 100th post, && 6 Months Cigarette Free

It is also the day I start (just) a 7 day cleanse, 2 and 1/2 weeks till contest prep, and another journey towards Operation Gonna GROW! hahahaha.. No joke. I WANT HUGE LEGS! Okay not huge, but look at Larissa Reis‘ Quads.. O. M. G.. #inlove haha
 
 
Like.. I could cry at how beautiful her legs are. lol.
 
Alright so I am ready to kick some ass. I have a pretty dope support system, and finding ways to focus on being and staying positive. I know my blog has just gotten personal and not fitness related (like it was), but that will all change. This weekend I am going to get organized (LOL.. literally just said I am the most organized unorganized person there is)… ha. That’s it for now. Life has been up and down lately, but I am holding my head up 🙂
 
oh P.S – I’m taking up running too, thanks to jlgentry
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Day 43 The only journey is the journey within.

 

745am Woke up kind of late, since I didn’t get to bed till 3am .

830am Whey vanilla Protein 2 pieces pineapple, small banana, 1 tb coconut oil and 1tb coconut shred, 1 cup coconut milk and ice cubes.

1230pm blackened chicken breast, with a few flaxseed (original flavor) cookies.

227pm Stomach is super hungry already 😦

and now that I think about it.. I have class at 650pm. Health and wellness actually. Pretty excited actually, but I don’t have anything to eat later.. I might have to stop home. BECAUSE I AM BBBBRRRRRROOOOOOOOKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE till tomorrow morning. 😦

Work is fine. Nothing to interesting going on. Feel a little uncomfortable. These jeans fit my ass but not my waist and I have to keep pulling them up and I look awkward. and I forgot to paint my toe nails. lol. whatever.

430-5pm Ate a chicken breast in the car ride home.

 

545pm Got home and walked Marley before I headed to class.

7pm It is actually a sports nutrition class which I AM SUPER STOKED ABOUT!!!!! Talks about what you should eat at what times, breaks everything down for you. As soon as he said macro nutrients and  I immediately thought about eating disorders and how I may get obsessed with it all again..(I did when I started weighing out portions for pre contest),  but this is stuff that people SHOULD know. What carbs to eat, complex or simple. What sugars to eat, what fats to eat and when because as we may NOT know, timing is very crucial during energy exertion.

9pm Class ended and I headed straight to the gym

BOULDER SHOULDERS TODAY!!!!!!

Seated Shoulder Press

25lbs (DB) x 12reps x 4

Front Raise Super Setted with Flyes (chest)

I did this 3 times but I don’t know the weight, they weren’t numbered. 8-12 reps each.

Then I was getting sick and tired of retards staring at me.. (my pants may have been SLIGHTLY see thru).. Anywho..

Did 30 min on the stairmaster.

After that, I decided to go into the studio and do a little emore.

Lateral Raises

15lbs x 10reps (each arm)

Super Setted with either Bosu Ball Burpee (10) or ski jumps (20)

after 3 sets

Upright Row

25lbs x 12-15 reps

Super stetted with bosu burpees/ ski jumps.

NO planks today.. I was DRIPPPPPING sweat. Literally I couldn’t even see lol.. and I was super tired.. got home around 1030pm

 

1040pm 1/2 Chicken Breast and 1/2 Banana

 

HOPEFULLY GOING TO BED SOON!!!!!!

Goodnight ❤

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Day 13 If you ever want to know how Hell feels, have food control your life.

“Belief in oneself is one of the most important bricks in building any successful venture”.

I have been reading a few blogs lately, so I get the feel of WordPress, and the blogs I do check out are normally fitness based (same goes for instagram and pinterest). Browsing the blogs have made me open my eyes to the similarities in my life, to other peoples. To see someone blogging about going through what I have gone through, makes me a little on edge. I am a very emotional person and it’s hard not being able to comfort someone going through what they are going through and knowing how they feel. I guess maybe I should be a tad bit more open.. I’ve battled eating disorders for 8 years now, everything from Bulimia, Anorexia, to Binge Eating to BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). I’ll go more in depth about it down the road, but I did want to mention a little something about it. And to everyone that IS going through something like this, get in touch with someone, or write it all down. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I was going to gain control on my own. And gain control I did. You have to BELIEVE that you are better then this. That FOOD WILL NOT CONTROL YOUR LIFE LIKE IT HAS BEEN. No joke. STOP EATING SHIT. I probably ate over 5,000 calories a day and I did that for 2 weeks. Whatever the FUCK I wanted, I ate it and BOY did it all taste so FUCKING GOOD! I never weighed myself but my clothes fit horribly, I felt horrible, and you best believe I fucking looked horrible. I straight up stopped giving a shit, and not just about anything but MYSELF. The only thing I have in this world, the only thing that can make me happy, I was slowly destroying.  I have no idea why (I have a slight idea how it all started but that is another page, another day). I was in a horrible funk, my mother knew and it was embarrassing because I ate A L O T . She even said  “Marissa you should feel lucky, with how much you ate you should be well over 200lbs”… and she was right. It felt disgusting having extra weight on my body, it was an unnatural feeling and I HATED IT). Then one day I quit smoking cold turkey. I binged for 4 weeks and the day that marked one month of not one puff, I asked God to help me and I just stopped. Just like my addiction to nicotine, I quit my addiction to sugar, to food, just like that. I took back control of my life and have never felt stronger.

ANYWHO!

I am on to bigger and better things now. I can finally breathe ❤

It’s 1130am, don’t worry I’ve been up already. Made some blueberry (and blackberry) breakfast cakes and they weren’t as good as I expected. It was nice to eat carbs but it was really bland. I ended up trying to added Sugar Free raspberry jelly.. it was OK (I bet if I added PB and the Sugar Free Jelly it would of tasted ALOT better.. I’ll try it when I get downstairs), I tried it with sprinkled stevia on top (probably the best), and Sugar Free Syrup. LOL… so obviously it was added calories…… GRRR.. OH and I added too many blueberries.. such a thing? yeah….

It looks ALOT better then it tasted :/

So I’m gonna lay around and be a bum till my next meal (2pm), make cauliflower pizza (YUM!) then head to the gym to do arms.. which is my least favorite 😦 (only because I don’t have definition like I’d like).

Around 230pm I made my cauliflower pizza, and of course it was amazing. I did add a little cayenne pepper and red pepper to the crust. Honestly, the smell that came from the oven when I opened it was A M A Z I N G. You guys NEED to make this.. yes its a little pain in your ass , but it is worth it.

So I waited till that digested a bit.. oh yeah, my pictures just finished uploading and I forget to mention that I almost ate an entire bag of corn. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop. Okay, I could of stopped but I didn’t want to. It was just so fucking good. :/

(Getting rid of this Earth Balance shit. It has some weird shit in it and I don’t like it, even if its vegan).

Got to the gym @ 3:45pm. Started with Barbell (BB) bicep curls for 3 rounds of 12 reps @ 30lbs. In between I did standing skull crushers, so 3 rounds of 10 reps @ 20lbs. Not going to lie.. I was already dying at this point.

I then moved to the cable machines. I haven’t used cables in a while but I love them (especially for arms). I did 6 sets of triceps pushdowns

  • Set 1: 12 reps x 60 lbs
  • Set 2: 12 reps x 60 lbs
  • Set 3:  12 reps x 70 lbs (was actually still pretty light right here)
  • Set 4: 10 reps x 80 lbs
  • Set 5: 7-8 reps x 90 lbs
  • Set 6: 5 reps x 10 100 lbs

In between sets 1, 2 and 3 I did 10 bench dips. 

After this, my triceps were on fire. I moved over to a different cable machine because I couldn’t move the bar down and I needed to for the next excerise. I started with 50 lbs and did a cable bicep curl moved up to 60 lbs but only did 3 sets. I went into the yoga room and did 3 sets of Dumbbell (DB) bicep curls followed with burps (with shoulder press- bosu ball). I was sweating and it hurt so bad. I finished with planks and couldn’t move. Caught my breath, and drove home =D

Immediately made a green smoothie. I mixed the ALIVE! pea protein powder, L-Carnitine, Almond Milk, Water, Mangoes, Strawberries, and a small banana. Doesn’t taste bad actually. =D

The longer I’m blogging and reading other blogs I am actually pretty excited about how everything is going. I am going to clean my room and finish laundry. I’m going to make Turkey Meatballs for dinner and relax with a nice bubble bath, I’m feeling pretty sore.. I do wanna post a separate blog regarding Running, L-Carnitine and Trigger Foods. Maybe if I get bored tonight I’ll write an extra blog ❤

*Brainy quotes.com

625pm Just finished up making a turkey meatloaf.. Meatloaf not meat loaf muffins.. I wanted to try something different (and hopefully the cooking time is the same) and put it in a semi circle glass ware and put a think layer of ketchup on the top.. Hmmmm in 40 min well see I guess. This blog has been pretty boring because I have been pretty boring, and I apologize about that. It will start getting interesting when I start putting progress pictures and I get closer to my compeition date.

HOLY SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THE MEATLOAF!

Lol.. it was actually a good thing I went downstairs. The TIME SHUT OFF! ugh! lol I had to guess and check, but it turned out great! a little dry but it was actually really good. I had a portion 😉

(sorry don’t know why and how I can change the view.. lol)..

Alright its about 9:30pm. I’m going to head to bed, so I can wake up for church tomorrow. I am also going to make healthy sugar cookies.. yeah remember how I said I don’t eat sugar anymore?? hmmm maybe I lied. 😉 lol Look how cute they look..

Goodnight ❤

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