Tag Archives: Fishing

Happy 4th of July!

It’s already 10 pm, so what I SHOULD be doing is passing out only to wake up in 6 hours. However, I decided I needed to get started on my weekend trip to wisco sooner rather than later. The boy and I left Wednesday night around 10pm and got to the house around 2am (I believe).. We did our usual stop at the gas station before heading onto the road in which I just started doing lunges from the car to the station (not one fuck was given). It was in my best interest to work out while I was up there… but that DID not happen. I randomly did squats and push ups (and 25 BW bench dips at 12:26pm in front of a crowd of people before I went in and bought a launch pass LOL) but nothing that prevented that 2lb weight gain at the end of the trip (yes.. I gained weight. oh no!)..

Anyways.. Our last stop before the house was Walmart, where we picked up a few things (rather healthy might I add considering the boy and I are legit fat kids) then headed to his house to get some sleep. The first day we woke up around 10:30/11 and was on the water around noon. The first day was a good one for me and I snagged quite a few different fish off different lures/flicker shads ext which is always a good time! We didn’t leave till around 10PM, yes 10 hours later.. But it was nice because it was the 4th of July and while we were driving the boat back we got to see fireworks from every angle. After that, I believe the boy blew up some shit then we headed to bed. The second day was nice too. I got to lay out for a few hours trying to salvage any color I could, while the boy was off doing his thing. Luckily I packed a few bags of fruit because we were not prepared. The sun just beat down on us and I felt dehydrated at times. I should have brought more food along but I guess I didn’t think I’d last 10 hours on the water.

Bags had watermelon, grapes, blueberries and strawberries!

Bags had watermelon, grapes, blueberries and strawberries!

The next day I believe we were out on the water around the same time but packed up around 6:30/7 to meet a couple of his friends that came down. They had a pretty rough weekend so they weren’t really feeling it. They ended up drinking (as did I but to be honest it was a complete bust. I don’t drink but after 6 shots I was still stone cold sober.. complete fail and waste of precious calories) and blowing off the rest of the fire works. We ended up all taking the ATV out and caused major trouble. In which, I lost a flip-flop, ran into a fence and had the weight of the ATV and Nizzle’s bodyweight come crashing on me.. Yeah.. things got pretty wild. Not smart. Not safe. Don’t try this at home.

-1

Surprisingly, the next morning they went home. They didn’t even go out fishing! I didn’t mind. Just more QT with the boy. We ended up going out to eat where I had a massive burger. See..? LOL and this wasn’t even the picture of the first one. This picture is actually the SECOND time I ordered it.. Yep! We went out to eat at the same place the last day before we went home and I got it again. No shit I gained 2 lbs… I ate it in the form of burgers!! Haha..

LOL

LOL

That was basically our trip. It was nice to be out in the middle of the water and not have a care in the world. Except I did (besides being on my boy’s case about being on his phone all the damn time), the minute I stepped into my bikini I was bloated. I was bloated all weekend. Yes it makes sense (going from a clean diet, to well.. not so much), but it was so embarrassing. Take this picture for example..

Bad ass fish but COME ON! Where are my abs???????!

Bad ass fish but COME ON! Where are my abs???????!

I go from having abs pre vacation to none prior. This is a progress shot I took before the vacation. And let me tell you, I looked NOTHING like this all weekend. It sucked. I worked so hard and I felt like a piece of shit. I don’t know.. But what I do know is how much I wanted to get back in the gym. I missed feeling good.

Progress Pre Vacation :/

Progress Pre Vacation :/

Here is a picture I took while waiting for the boy to put the boat on the trailer. Probably the only thing I am proud of… considering my arms have always been a weak point of mine. Still didn’t take away from looking/feeling like shit. That was/is my only complaint. I just WISH I looked good. It is so vain of me but it is what it is. Again, I worked so hard and it looked like I didn’t work out a day in my life. Such a complete and utter fail.

Yeah buddy!

Yeah buddy!

&& here are a few more pictures of the weekend and a few pictures of what I’ve been eating:

My little fishy :D

My little fishy 😀

:P

😛

photo 3

photo 5

Shopping cart. Shit is on starting today 7/8/13!

Shopping cart. Shit is on starting today 7/8/13!

 

Def not a 1/b burger.. but would def rather see my abs then enjoy something for 5.2 minutes..

Def not a 1/b burger.. but would def rather see my abs then enjoy something for 5.2 minutes..

I am not going to stress over the 2lb weight gain, or the picture that I look terrible in. No.. I am trying to become a better person physically and mentally. I am going to push forward from this day on. I am going to give it my all and strive to be the best person inside and out that I can. I can’t keep going down the same path expecting to find a secret path. I have to CREATE it. It is up to me and only me and I will keep on trucking along till I find my way. I do have a lot of great help and a good support team now (which is way different from the last show I prepped for). So a ton of progress pictures will be on their way! Still debating whether to go into detail about what I am doing diet wise only because it is designed for ME. Following what I do may or may not be a good thing. However, I do want to keep track of macros and the progress I make in the weight room. So, maybe I will post it (with a huge disclaimer)!

Heading to bed now (11:24pm fml). I am currently training quite a bit and quite early in the mornings now so I am trying to get as much sleep as possible (that’s when muscles grow right?!) even if it means sleeping in my car. Yes, sleeping in my car. Welcome to the life of a personal trainer.

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Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

My boo.

 

cccccxx

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that's right.. 2 degrees.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.

The boo and I.

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New Years Ice Fishing Trip!

Nothing to really update. Spent New Years with the boyfriend up in Wisconsin for a little ice fishing. A couple of his friends met up with us later the next day and went out fishing for 3 days. All I can say is I love my boyfriend just not when he’s with his friends (okay I still love him, just don’t necessarily like him….). That’s all I am going to say. I want to start this New Year off right.

Here are a few pictures from our trip:

Ice fish much?

Ice fish much?

Me being a creeper!

Me being a creeper!

Dinner for us two <3

Dinner for us two ❤

The ice fishing crew.

The ice fishing crew.

The long walk there :/

The long walk there :/

They were exhausted.

They were exhausted.

This is the life!

This is the life!

I got tired..

I got tired..

My beautiful capture of the weekend.

My beautiful capture of the weekend.

Will be updating when I get better (I have been sick for about a week and 1/2 now). I want to compete March 30, so the next couple of months will be interesting. Be sure to follow!

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Late weekend post.

I could not of asked for a better weekend.

That’s all I should write. Words literally couldn’t describe the weekend I had. Or maybe I wouldn’t be able to describe it well enough lol. Regardless it was amazing.

The boyfriend picked me up around 8pm and we headed to Wisconsin. Trip wasn’t that bad and after a stop at Walmart we made it there around midnight or so. We unpacked the groceries and made a few cocktails. We ended up taking a few shots and spent the next few hours talking. Talking about life and choices to come. It was really nice.. too bad I had to end it with random tears down my face.

Typical.

Groceries for us 2

We went outside for a smoke and star watched for a little bit. It was so peaceful, looking up and it being clear as day. The stars were shining so bright. A burn mark and shooting star later we went inside so he made me a pb and j (mine with wheat bread. obviously. so obvious he got his own white loaf at the store lol).. and passed out around 6am.

We woke up around noon. I cooked him and I some breakfast while he stayed in bed for a little while longer. After breakfast we packed up and got the boat set. Around 2 pm we were out in the water. We spent 4 or so hours fishing, drinking cocktails, enjoying life. It was a little cold but we were super prepared, and so I sat my happy ass down with another sweater. We stayed till it got dark, and loaded back up.

baby with my fishyyyyy

I beat him 13-8 🙂

After we got home, his dad came back with us to switch cars (we took a Camry there.. thanks enterprise) and needed a tow hitch so we borrowed his car. He fixed our grill and we all date dinner together. It was nice.. minus the whole language barrier but I just like being in good company. We marinated chicken breasts and steaks and had onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon (my babe is the greatest) and a few polish sausages. We ate, cleaned up a bit both house and ourselves and headed to the casino. Went straight for the bar, grabbed a vodka tonic and sat down at the computerized roulette table (my favorite). We both put down $20. A few turns or so 5 guys sat down and filled the table completely. Now I actually liked being the only two people there, and liked it so much more when I realized these tools were rude as fuck. Regardless, they all threw down $200.. I sat next to a guy and all he was betting was $5 or $10.. so when he hit he hit big. Fuck.. I am so competitive and then you throw money on the table and it escalates lol. Baby lost all his and I left when I hit $40.. now that I think about it I guess I made up for his loss. Until we sat down at the penny slots and I literally got pissed after I lost $3. Dumbest machine ever. So I asked if we could play again before we left. Lol.. he just wanted to leave, I wanted to win some money. He agreed (like the best bf he is) and we put down $25 more. By that time the guy to my right was up 1,200. Yeah. $1,200. I saw his winnings at the bottom of the screen and nearly shit myself. I ended up losing all $25 but baby got $50 back. So we were all straight. We left immediately after and went to stop by boner again. Probably the classiest strip club I have ever been too (probably because I have only been to one. lol). We had a vodka tonic and enjoyed each others companies. It was just one of those nights lol..

bf making dindin

We headed back home around 2 or so realized we ran out of alcohol. I forget what we started drinking but I do remember my pb&j tasted great.

but then I think I passed out.. Probably because I love sleeping.

We wake up this time around 11am. Babe is a complete bed hog and his dog didn’t make it any better. lol so I did what I could and woke up to his dad knocking on the door. We got up and I made breakfast again. Scrambled eggs with sausage and a left over bacon wrapped potato. It was awesome.

We grab our shit and head to the lake. It was pretty nice out so I dealt with my north face. We cast for a few hours, again so peaceful. I caught more fish again, but only 2 keepers. I was happy with my fish though. I even touched one.

HA!

my keeper!

my sexy boy

A few sober hours later we packed up so we could get a start to our drive home. We packed up, cleaned up, made brownies and headed home.

Everything was perfect.

Driving home I reflected on a lot. this weekend has made me really enjoy my life. Right now, it is everything I could ask for. I am still going through a lot but having the right people in my life has made it so much better. I spent all weekend with the love of my life, doing things we love doing, in a peaceful happy place. Spending all that time with him, I have realized how truly in love I am with him. He completes me, nothing else I can say.

Alright I am stopping now because I swear I could write a novel of my feelings for him. Just ask him how many times he catches me starring.. lol…..

creepy.

ha.. just a great weekend to remember while sitting here Wednesday morning 🙂

Already planned a back workout with Ashley tonight at 8. Going to do a few upper body exercises abs then finish with an hour of cardio. Cardio goes by so much easier/faster when you have someone with you. Going to focus today and tomorrow because this weekend will be a clusterfuck. The boyfriend and I are visiting my sister in MN at school. We have a football game and theme park already planned but I think the experience itself will be exciting. A mini road trip with the love of my life, and him meeting my sister for the first time 🙂 I have never done something like this before and couldn’t be happier that everything in my life at the moment is all falling into place.

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Fishing is an off season bikini competitor’s hobby..

.. and why it’ll make me fat.

1. Only way I have patience is when drunk.

  • Alcohol makes you fat.

2. When you go cat fishing you’re drunk late at night. Late night munchies in Wisconsin = bar food.

  • Bar food tastes great when drunk.

3. I’m one lazy mother ——.

  • Perfect.

 

Yep. I caught this.

but to hell if I’d touch it.

 

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First Shit Show of the Summer.

Where do I even begin?
What was suppose to be a mini 3 day vaca, couldn’t even start off on the right foot.
 
For the most part I will just post pictures (even though I don’t have many because my phone was always dead).. just because I don’t even know if words will or can describe this fucking shit show. 
 
So let’s start off with waiting for the boys to come scoop Marley and I up. Mom thinks it’s a good idea to start on about my relationship with one of the boys I have been “seeing”. I know I haven’t been open about my personal life but when its necessary I will. With that being said and without saying much, she kind of started bashing him. Ok, so I wouldn’t say “bashing” but not talking positively about our little so called “relationship”… okay fuck it, she thinks that since we are having sex that hes using me. Ok granted in most of my past relationships I have been used (and have been the user so I am no pocket of sunshine) but what she doesn’t know that if I didn’t want the sex I wouldn’t have it. Is it that hard to comprehend? The sex is great and until further notice I will continue to have it. In NO way shape or form do I feel used. This guy (again, without even saying much) is just short of amazing. And since I now know that you read my blogs, I hope you’re blushing 😉 lol kidding but honestly I hope you know that I pray to God everyday, thanking him for putting you in my life. 
 
Okay okay okay.. exactly why I don’t get all emotional and shit lol because it sounds like that ^ ^ 🙂
 
So after our argument, blood was starting to boil…. walked upstairs to get the cage out of my room (for Marley) and I literally could not figure out  how the FUCK to tear it down.. I wanted to throw it out the fucking window. My mom started getting pissed because she said it sounded like I was going to come thru the ceiling so I said fuck it and left it. Now.. maybe I should let it be known that I have always have problems managing my anger and just scream and swear and act immature as a way to cope. I have learned that this is not a healthy way of living. Trust me. 
 
So as hot tempered Marissa bitch fitted her way out the door, the boys roll up. Now.. we rented a car for the weekend because we were bringing up two dogs and a shit ton of….shit I guess (fishing poles food coolers ext) and again… 2 fucking pit bulls lol. Okay.. so they roll up.. I start putting my shit in the car and we try to get the dogs in there as well.. Well….. that didn’t work out as well as I had planned. At this point.. with the littlest shit pissing me off, I didn’t even want to go. Not to mention guess who was sitting in the SMALL ASS backseat with 1 huge pit trying to bang my baby girl THE WHOLE FUCKING TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
 
Fuck it.. not even that important.. I sat there quietly. Awkward. as. fuck. Until I realized that I wanted to drink. So I did just that. 3 hours later we pulled up to his house. At this point I realized that I needed to suck it all up for once and stop being such a gosh darn princess. We all unpacked and I made the boys peanut butter and jelly on my little bad ass sandwich grill lol.. So as we ate and drank we just chilled for a bit.
 

Fast forwarding to Saturday Morning..

 
..I impatiently wait around and before noon even hit we were in the car heading down to the water. We get into the water and we all start drinking (more so because I was freezing and the sun wasn’t out.. just like earlier where life sucked in the back of the car, apparently drinking solves problems)… a couple of bites later, the weather turned. Rain start pouring down and we headed back to shore. I was still sitting on the edge with my rod in the water… I swear rain helps fishers lol.. but it didn’t. No big deal. We head home, change and probably start drinking again. Later that night we headed to the casino and I pissed away a little bit of money.. nothing too drastic (but I can SURE as fuck see how people lose mortgages.. holy fuck).. So we all decided to sit down at the roulette table which had turned all digital, it was all touch screen. It was awesome. I sat by my dude for a bit and picked some numbers for him.. probably 20 minutes later Kornel put $20 on my screen and I started playing. I swear, INSTANTLY I was up at least double my money. I ended up walking about with $60 lol… not bad for nothing right? On our way back from the casino we stopped at this strip club that I had been to once before. Now granted I haven’t been to many strip clubs but this was like nothing short of a hole in the wall (speaking of random holes.. omg jk lol)… but just remember, I am in Wisconsin. LOL.
Here.. you weren’t suppose to take pictures but I clearly can’t follow rules…So that’s Teddy pretty much getting molested and loving it. I got groped by a stripper and my boobs were taken out and fondled. lmfao. so dirty idk wtf was going on. We leave the strip club, and we run into a younger guy (early 20’s ??) walking with a cane. I don’t know how this all started but we all got to talking. Long story short he pretty much got jumped (a pussy way of beating the crap out of someone), and it left him paralyzed. Holy fuck I know I am a bitch, but I cry like one too. I swear I could cry at the drop of a dime. sometimes, it sucks lol. But my heart dropped.. I felt so fucking bad. After we all keep drinking till the bar closed, we headed back home. The car ride back got pretty heated though. I swore at his friend (teddy) and pretty much didn’t hold back when he started saying shit I didn’t like. Clearly I was drunk so I don’t remember what was said I just know that when I get passionate about something (or feel that someone is being disrespected) I have NO problem letting people know whats up. I just don’t think being ignorant/disrespectful/hurtful is anyway shape or form is something to be proud about. I have hurt so many people in the past, that I am ashamed of it and hope that I am doing a better job not even for myself, but because of the pain I have brought on to so many people. It’s disgusting to even think about.Anyways lmfao.
blahblahblah I don’t remember anything after the car ride… soooo moving on lol..
 

Sunday Morning..

..and I am up before anyone else..aaaaaaaaaaagain (745am exactly lol). wait and wait and wait….teddy wakes up…waiiiitingggggggggggggggggg. I get annoying and wake Mike up. I keep lying to everyone and telling em its later then it really is and that we are pissing away our vaca hours! lol. I honestly dont care what people think of me anymore (I think I pissed both his friends off at some point, AND him now that I think about it lol)… so we pack up the booze and the rods and errrrybody and head out (not even 11am lol), we stop at the gas station and pick up some chasers and the boys all got cigarettes (btw 5 months CLEAN BITCHES!!) lol.. so we all start to head out and we hear something drop off the boat when Mike veered off the road a bit. Later we find out its my bowl that I have had for years.. literally years. lol. Super pissed (well kinda..shit happens).Sun is shining, boats in the water, drinks in one hand, fishing poles in the other.
We all have a good time, drinking and fishing.. Jumping into the water, falling into the water all for a few hours (besides waking up in the morning, this entire weekend I never actually knew what time it was lol).. So the sun was shining, temperature rising to the high 90’s.. Apparently I got drunk and passed out and now I have incredible sun burns.. oh.. and bruises. Words cant describe them and actually neither can these pictures because my bruises are BAD (falling into the water and boosting myself back up are the only things I can think of as to why I look like I got my ass beat). lol. So Sunday night was nice, we all chilled a bit, drinking more lol.. (don’t remember anything late night though)..

Monday Morning..

..I wait and wait and wait for people to get up. Teddy and I say fuck it and go and try to find my bowl on the side of the street. We pull up and park and as soon as we get out of the car I have 7 mosquitoes on me. 7. Fucking so fucking stupid. What the fuck. I was so annoyed all weekend because of these damn mosquitoes lol.
 
So as you probably could of guessed, we didn’t fucking find it. whatever. Just add it to the reasons this was a stupid shit show.. I don’t know a lot of these details lol so I went and asked this boy (enter smile here), and as what I waited to say happened Monday actually happened Sunday…. so lets back track.. blahblah were back to Sunday..
 
I happen to like this boy. We are nothing official unless Facebook adds a Friends with Benefits or Best Friends who are having sex button or “title”. I am okay with this. I actually PREFER this. YES ladies and gentlemen, I prefer this over being in a relationship. I am not going to get sappy or tell you how I don’t guys (Lol.. its true, but I also just don’t like people in general) <– true as shit and maybe I will post a separate blog as to why I wish I could keep the things I want and get dropped off on an island by myself (and the things I choose ect)..
 
..anyways another disclaimer/reminder? I AM AN EMOTIONAL ASS FUCK!
 
okay well.. that and I am very intuitive.. it’s almost scary sometimes. That being said I went thru his phone. I have never wanted to do it.. EVER. I can’t even explain why I did it. Well I happened to see texts from him and another girl (same girl we bumped into when I was out with him for his friends birthday), going back and forth about how he still loves her and how I am just a friend. Now.. I had NO right to do what I did (let this be known). I KNOWINGLY thru away trust and respect when I did that, but no joke.. Something inside me,  felt like I had to. Seek and you shall find.
 
My heart hit the floor. After all the conversations we had had, HE (out of all people) does this to me..? It was a slap in the face.. more like a spit in the face rather. I left the messages up of where it said he still loved her and set it on the table, plain sight, out in the open, the first thing he will see when he opens up the door and follows me inside. I meet him outside on the verge of a panic attack.. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was 3 and 1/2 hours away with no reception. I wanted to throw up. I looked at him and calmly (legit calm) told him that I was going into our room and how I didn’t want to be bothered for the entire time. He looked at me, back down (probably because I wasn’t hyperventilating  like I wanted to, or screaming and slapping him in the face).. I swear sometimes I think I am psychotic. He was confused until after I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, then I think the confusing got worse. I walked away and shut the door to our bathroom and sat on the toilet. I had NO idea what the fuck I was going to do. Had this been done in Illinois I would have NEVER spoken to him again. This is no way short of the truth, I am THAT stubborn. So I sat there, he came in, phone in hand. I don’t remember much of the details but I have never called someone a scumbag as much as I did that day. FUCKKKKKK was I hurt. He tried explaining, and I’ll cut this shit short, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. His logic only made sense to him, and as I tried explaining it I think he understands where I’m coming from. You don’t tell an exes best friend that you’re still in love with her and either a. think that wont be repeated or b.make her stop texting you? I don’t know and I don’t care, (To him: you’re only hurting yourself in the end babe..if you love her fight for her. No joke loves hard to find)..
 
 Okay so..that was like the cherry on top.
 
..Now you may be confused on why I was even pissed in the first place because I did this to myself and he really didn’t do anything. I mean I AM just his friend.. but the whole love thing…. again that’s not something you throw around. If it didn’t hurt me it should hurt the other ears listening. I would NEVER tell someone I was still in love with them if I didn’t mean it. THAT shit breaks hearts.. so do you get where I am coming from now? I mean 5 years he spent with this girl.. 2 months later we started “talking”.. shit has been great no bullshit no drama then this shit? And after my mom mentioned something to this extent MINUTES before he came and picked me up? Fucking weirrrrrddddd. Lol. But everything happens for a reason. Not even those weird signs but just the fact that this happened in Wisconsin. Like I wish all of you readers knew me on a personal level just so you know how I view life because I really am trying to be passionate about LIVING that I don’t DEAL with “drama”. That shit doesn’t phase me. You know why? I don’t allow it too. Yes shit pisses me off but nothing I can’t handle. So after that, probably countless apologies later, shit was like that never even happened..back to MONDAY.. shit was fine. I bitched some more about being hungry that they eventually got up and headed out to breakfast. Since we were already in bumble fuck we had to drive probably 15-30min away just to find some food (lol), not to mention it was memorial day… lol.. in Wisconsin wheres there like 2 McDonald’s in the entire state, we pull up to some breakfast place (kinda super excited only because small hole in the walls, unlike strip clubs, are fucking awesome) “rumored to be the best breakfast in town” (uh well no shit Sherlock you’re the ONLY breakfast place in town)… whatever. LOL. Teddy and I walk in while the other boys smoked a cig. Lady took awhile to even notice me, so teddy went and smoked a cig too.. She acknowledged me and then sat me. They all sat down and we looked over the menu which was awesome. lol I wanted EVERYTHING. I ended up like wanted a “Denver Scrambler” (actually spelled scramblee and realized how close the r is to the e and decided to correct it because y’all would just think I misspelled it and now know they did not name a scrambler a scramblee lol). It was Ham Onions Red Peppers and Cheddar Cheese. So when it was my time to order, I wanted that scrambler with Sausage instead of ham. She told me that I cant substitute the scramblers. I don’t know why but I said okay and someone else ordered. As I was scrambling around I wanted a different “scrambler” (wasn’t technically a scrambler but I forgot the name) and figured that I just couldn’t substitute but I could take out. So it had mushrooms and beans, but everything I wanted, I didn’t even want to add anything and she told me I couldn’t even do that…. blood fucking boiling. I had been hungry for the past 3 hours and now this waitress is making me look like a retard. So pretty much if his friends weren’t there I would of walked out. Again, no joke. She pissed me off that much. At first ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS CHANGE HAM TO SAUSAGE. Are you shitting me? Then ALL I WANTED WAS TO TAKE 2 INGREDIENTS OUT!!! Lmfao. God forbid. At that point I didn’t even want to eat I was just so fucking annoyed. Lol. Holy shit balls get me home.We stayed around for a little bit (sleeping, drinking ect), then started playing Frisbee. Time started to pass and it was already 6:30pm.. Teddy was going to stay (so he was getting tipsy) and we decided that we needed to leave soon. We packed up and cleaned the place up a bit, while Kornel was telling Teddy he’ll drive his car (FUCK YEA! Meaning I didn’t have to sit in the back with 2 dogs, sober and sun burnt as hell. NO FUCKING THANK YOU ). We got our shit in the car and headed out. About an hour and 1/2 later we stopped for food and I swear it was the best part of the trip. I need to go to AW again. Hamburger and chili cheese fries (and CHEESE CURDS HOLY FUCK) needs to be in my belly again. After that, another 2 hours later and I was passed out in my bed. Sun burnt but alive.
 

 

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