Tag Archives: Fit Chicks

Barely scratching the surface. 

My life is a disaster (imagine that) but I look like I have my shit together. I am quite possibly in the best shape of my life, and it’s probably from treading water for 25 years. I am however staying positive (with an occasional hiccup here and there), and I believe that’s why I’ve managed to stay afloat. 

I am currently eating around 2200 calories a day. No cycling (nutrition wise) just keeping my macros constant and my sugar low. The biggest thing I have changed is, I’ve added spinning into my program. I am addicted. I am on a 30 day streak and my goal is 9 more till my birthday (8/14). That will bring my total of spin classes starting from 6/14-8/14 to 54 rides in 2 months. Adding that type of “cardio” has completely shaped my body. Now, before I say anything else I want to comment on how cardio is not the answer, it’s only part of the equation. It should compliment your routine not complicate it. Meaning, don’t over do it if your nutrition sucks. I’m serious. 

Under eating and over working will not work in your favor. It might on the scale side of things, but the scale is meaningless. The scale is only important in the fact that you need it for the sole purpose of calculating your body fat percentage. I am the heaviest I have ever been (sitting around 150#), but in the best shape I’ve ever been in.       
..With that being said, I’m working on a project. It’s my last attempt to give this fitness industry a try. I’ve been in it for awhile and slowly losing patience for people who find having a personal trainer as something to brag about instead of a tool for getting healthier. No one wants to put in the work, I take that back. People WILL do the work, yet won’t budge on their “diet”. It’s impossible to out train a bad one. I tried. Eating crap made me feel like crap. I still looked decent but I was weak and sluggish. My legs felt heavy and I was constantly tired. All I am trying to do is spread my knowledge to whoever will listen and take charge of their lives. I want people to give a shit. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, yall have been with me through it all, so I know it’s not always a walk in the park. However, coming to see me for a training session smelling like McDonald’s, is probably not going to yield you the results you’re looking for. I don’t mind ups and downs because Id be naive to think otherwise, but I don’t want people to give up. I don’t want people to waste my time. It’s annoying and I take way too much pride in this to be disrespected. 

I’m struggling, in and out but I will not give up. Who the fuck is with me? 

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Life as I know it (for the time being)!

WOW.. it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks. Up and down an all around…

Lets first start off by saying how hard this is to type, considering I fractured the BLEEP out of my left hand. I just finished up with the doctor just a few short hours ago, where we decided to go ahead with surgery. I’m not saying
I’m thrilled, but happy that things should be back to normal in a few weeks. That being said, I have had two legit work outs in the last 3 weeks. Lets just say, I have been rather depressed. Seems like it’s a domino effect lately. More so, because I am constantly reminded of my lack of being able to do.. well just about anything. For the first week, I couldn’t even put my hair up, or tie my own shoes. Boy, did it make me feel guilty. Just always taking things for granted.. really made me appreciate the things in my life more. Maybe that’s why it happened… who knows..

Regardless, I am still facing challenges each and every day, and not being able to work out has made me feel .. like I lost part of myself. All I have ever known, has been working out and personal training.. and something this small has taken that from me (for the time being). I was deadlifting 255 for REPS and really pushing forward with my prep for competition. I mean.. this happened the day before I was supposed to compete in a DL comp, where the girl who won (and there was ONLY 1 GIRL in the comp) only lifted 235lbs.. let me tell you… that did not sit with me well.

Although my lifting has taken a back seat for a bit (I still lift legs as much as possible, and as much as I can), I promised myself that my “diet” will be the thing that holds me together. I was scared at first.. I was eating cookies practically every day and still  maintaining.. I was barely doing any cardio.. and then BAM! Active lifestyle cut short. I had to do something or I was going to self destruct.

So far so good.

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To be honest, my body is taking the lack of heavy lifting extremely well. I couldn’t believe it.. I woke up and had abs sitting up! Nothing I am doing is crazy extreme.. all I am doing is watching what I eat.. aaaaaaaand passing up the cookies (just for now). I am not counting calories, my macros.. nothing.. I probably should be but until I feel its necessary, I would rather just eat. I do prep my meals still, but again, no measuring of anything. I do take spin classes every other day (heavy resistance), to get SOME activity in my life. Like I said, I would be lost without it… I mean.. it really is my life. Even if I can’t train myself, I train people for a living and now, I can’t even spot someone correctly…  😦 But.. that’s not what this is about.

It’s about appreciating life. Really.. just in general. I mean, I broke a finger and I felt hopeless at times.. I felt like I lost myself.. I felt dependent on people for the dumbest things. Shout out to Justine for tying my shoes countless times..

smh..

But it made me appreciate the fact that I still have every other working limb. That in 4 weeks, I will be healed. Where as others won’t. Where mine seems so minor compared to others. I could only imagine the pain the suffering others with major health issues face. I pray for them, and I will continue to pray for them. When something is taken from you it affects you emotionally, and some times those emotions get the best of you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I appreciate every single client, gym goer, and just random strangers, that try to boost my moral each and every day. It has been so heart warming to know that even if people are just being nosy, they took the time to ask how I was doing. It really has made me so much more appreciative of the life I live.

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Project Clean Up!

I finally decided to sit down and write. I don’t know what I am going to write, but I have a crap ton of photos, that will help in describing my life in the last couple of weeks.

Things have been hectic to say the least.. Studying for NASM, going through transitions at work and at home, and just trying to stay on the road I think is best. Its been hard, and I am not afraid or ashamed to say, that even though hesitant at first, I think its best if I talk to someone professionally. I have too many outside biased opinions that I feel cloud my mind at times. I want to sit down and explain myself and figure out if I really am crazy.. Okay a little dramatic, but I do feel it sometimes.

The one thing that is getting me by, is the group of friends I’ve previously mentioned. Having such a tight-knit group is something I can’t explain. I guess I have never experienced this kind of true friendship. Its awesome.. that’s just put it that way.. Not to forget that I have learned SO much.. more than I have in the last 4 years trying to get by on my own. 6 months with these people and I feel like a new and improved person. They make me feel good.. at all times.. I think that’s so important during the stressful times of contest prep, or just simply living the life of someone who works at a gym.. someone who takes it seriously (yes I have to put a disclaimer.. I see your sales guys eating McDonald’s over there)… such a shame.

Any who.. enough lovey dovey shit.. I have been eating like crap for the last week. Burgers.. upon burgers.. ice cream, frozen yogurt, McDonald’s.. You name it, I probably had it. This is a great way to start loading pictures, dont cha think ;P

@SMOKE bbq

@SMOKE bbq

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night... haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night… haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured...

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured…

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and prok fried rice. We. get. down.

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and pork fried rice. We. get. down.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

I suppose I should of started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change... BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure ;)

I suppose I should have started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change… BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure 😉

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips... sweet cream icecream... mmmmmmmm

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips… sweet cream icecream… mmmmmmmm

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this... icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this… icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger....... Cajun fries..... I was in heaven.

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger……. Cajun fries….. I was in heaven.

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

Beginning of the year 2014'

Beginning of the year 2014′

So, as you may know I am an avid believer in eating clean. However, I don’t know exactly what went on here. I didn’t calorie count or track anything (besides the pictures), but you can tell I wasn’t shy about those calories consumed. I enjoyed every last bite of every meal I ate in the last week. That I get, but what confuses me is that I didn’t change my work out regimen  to adapt to the significantly higher calories in my diet, but I still maintained if not IMPROVED my physique. Yes I am not stage lean-to ANY extent, but I feel like I have actually never looked better. Maybe they really were magic cookies…

Haha inside joke.. I have started a cookie binge and it’s catching on like a virus! I swear they’re not magic! This is not a trend, do NOT follow! haha… I think my body was just going crazy and even it didn’t know what to do with itself..BUT today, I have started from scratch. Chicken and veggies for meeeeeeeee. Lets see what happens.. I mean,, if crap food and no added exercise made me look like this.. I can only imagined if I cleaned things up!

Back to some good read though. I deadlifted 225 no problem. No straps.. just chalk. About 4 months ago, I attempted this. I stood by the bar and couldn’t budge it. I strapped up, had a spot and maybe hit 3 reps. Just the other day, after about 6 reps of continuously adding weight, we threw on 225 just for shits and giggles. Chalked up and repped it out. Literally. It was nuts. So nuts, that I feel that I may have been spotted the whole time. She says all she did was bring my shoulders back but maybe that’s what it took to get it up?? So.. after were all recovered, I want to try it again.. no spot.. no bullshit. Until then… I spotted 225 😉

….and the best part of my last couple of weeks?

Just so happened to happen about 2 days ago. I was training a client that I have had ever since i made the switch to Waukegan. He was coming in 2 times a week in the morning with another trainer. That trainer changed his schedule and could no longer train him. I met with him, at which point he couldnt go up or down the stairs without holding on due to a bad motorcycle accident. As far as I was told, when he first started with the gym he was had a cane (previously in wheelchair for weeks). Weight loss had always been a goal, but we really needed to focus on reworking the muscles for basic human movements. starting from scratch, we needed to work on our foundation. Slowly but surely all the progress was really made on the scale. Eventually a couple of months in, he was super happy about going up and down the stairs no problem. He literally hustled! It was awesome. Another time he came in and asked to give me a hug. Later explained hunting was no longer painful, No longer took an ATV out, instead walks to where he sets up shop. But what was major BADASS (and I am so sorry I don’t have a video. You can check out Phitness Aesthetics on Facebook or my Instagram, Maristheshit), was when we took me to our little room and said he needed to show me something. I already knew I wanted to video tape it so you hear him saying I’m going to make fun of him! He first walks up and down on both legs over a few step ups. I’m super happy already but again you hear him say, but that isn’t even the best part. YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT ON HIS FACE, as he attempts to BOX JUMP IT!!! AND HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A couple of times too!!!!!! It was so amazing. I showed it to my co worker who previously trained him and he said he had tears in his eyes, if not everyone who saw it. People were amazed and they didn’t even know it. Ugh! You have to see the video now.. I’ll try to upload it..

Shit it really wont let me.

Meet Doug. He was one of my first clients when I made the move to Waukegan (6months ago). He could barely walk up the stairs without holding on to something (due to a bad motorcycle accident), so you could tell how much of an improvement since then by his excitement in the first part of the video. Little did I know, that wasn't even the half of it. He BOX JUMPED THAT SHIT!!!!!!! I was speechless. When it comes to #fitness, people assume it's all about #weightloss. Now, if done properly (and with a well balanced #nutrition), weight loss should occur… But sometimes our focus should be more on learning (or relearning) basic human movements and correcting any imbalances that may have occurred (during injury or constant bad form ext). A huge thanks to @phitness_aesthetics and the wide range of knowledge this team possesses.

A post shared by Marissa 💋 (@maristheshit) on

See if that will work.. If Not.. just google maristheshit or find me on instagram. Any who.. I’m just going to leave on that note.. It was just too awesome not too!

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Reality.

“Most importantly clear your mind and focus on the one goal that you’ve set out to accomplish. Never let anything or anyone distract you from pressing onward. Become confident in everything. Giving back always. Grounded through all things, and stern through all trials”

– Ashley Horner Bodybuilding.com

My head was all over the place.. but I am looking forward to looking back on all this.

photo

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I got pinched the other day. I am currently 147lbs and 22% BF (5’6). We are looking to add about 10 lbs more muscle all the while shooting for 15%. So.. exciting right.. next summer I’LL LOOK SIIIIIIICK! haha…. :/ But that’s okay… most people put on weight then spend summer trying to take it off. No logic in that. Well… that or they starve eat egg whites and do cardio every day. Sounds super fun to me.

I am a little disappointed but excited that I am going to continue and keep reach different goals of mine. I am definitely the strongest I have ever been and I feel super accomplished about that. The next few things I want to work on are 20 pull ups in a row, hand stand push ups and to be able to so a pistol squat on my left leg. L O L.

Going to keep my head up and not let petty shit get in my way of becoming someone I never thought I could be. I am so looking forward to this next journey. Or pit stop.. you know.. in this whole road to ripped kinda theme….

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Consistency IS key.

Blueberry protein muffins are away baking so figured I had some time to update my blog a tad. I don’t have much to say but want to stay consistent with things in my life. Yes, consistent. I fall in and out of patterns and habits so quickly I get overwhelmed trying to juggle it all. So.. this is one of them. I want to keep blogging although sometimes I either A. don’t want to or B. really have nothing interesting to say so why say it at all.
I have been baking.
A LOT.

Weird, I know. But I found a recipe (actually the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin one I posted prior) and I have been changing and adapting adding and subtracting! I’ve made the PCP ones 3 times, and an apple cinnamon one. So adding the blueberry to the list as well! I made a blueberry pancake today and figured since the boy is coming back from a week long fishing trip, I could bake him some! Okay, its really because the apple cinnamon ones are gone already. lol. Saturday morning I made butterscotch pancakes and let me tell you.. AHHHHH Mazing. I actually think I made those twice as well. The only thing is the butterscotch chips do have sugar in them obviously, so I only used a couple. I think the reason is that I only use a couple of ingredients so its easy to prep and bake. Plus.. who wouldn’t want delicious protein desserts to snack on when in doubt?

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

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..and I mean snack on. These bad boys are no joke. Although they only have like 150-175 calories per muffin……………. eating 3 in one sitting (NO JOKE THEY WERE JUST SO GOOD OUT OF THE OVEN)! They will send you right to the bathroom. Ugh.

So outside of all the goodies I made this past 3 day weekend, I also made a healthy mac and cheese and fucked the whole 2 dishes up. I over cooked it. 😦 bummer. So I wont be posting the recipe till I perfect it.

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The mac n' cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

The mac n’ cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

I’ve been hanging in there. Work is about to get even crazier but I have been taking time out to figure out new ways to get my clients attention. Who wants to be spending even more money on something they aren’t putting their effort into? I have a different mindset. After being this way for years, I don’t think I will ever change. My idea of what I want to look like wont just change over night. I cant even fathom getting pregnant…. good thing I have years and years before that happens. I want to be STRONG yet look that way as well. I don’t care about being called pretty thin fat manly, any of that. I want to be looked at and someone saying DAMMMMMMNNNNN she must be strong.. then watch me and be like DAAAAMMNNN she IS strong. lol. But back to what I was saying earlier, this is also something I want to stay consistent with. I feel like I get to a certain point then think I get go back to my old ways, or something that day pisses me off and I eat and ruin a week.. or I don’t know. Something, anything can throw me off. BECAUSE I ALLOW IT. That or I really want it.. for that moment. regardless, I am going to stay strong. Again. and again and again. See… at least I am not giving up. I want to get LEAN. The healthy way of course. But I want to see where I can take my body too. Hopefully with this new mindset I have randomly seemed to have grasped, I want to be proud of myself.

The muffins are about to be done. I am going to head out to the boys place and relax the rest of the night. Hes been driving for hours, so I am sure he isn’t going to want to do much. So enjoy my photo hoarding for the week.

LOVE this so much.

LOVE this so much.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

<3

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop...

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop…

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

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Picture Hoarder Part I

I get a lot of crap for always taking so many pictures (i e thanks boyfriend). Of just about everything. I don’t know what it is, I just like to capture the moment of something I enjoyed, in some way shape of form.

So as I was trying to update the software for the iphone (gofigure eh?), my pictures starting downloading. And now I have realized I do in fact take, keep or store tons of pictures. I want to try to motivate people with things that have truly wow’d me, or just something that I obviously thought was worth keeping. Yes, I guess you could say I’m a picture hoarder.

L O L.

This could mean more to me than just the sexy ass bod! Seriously, this is beyond bad ass.

This could mean more to me than just the sexy ass bod! Seriously, this is beyond bad ass.

 

I believe these are called champagnes. AND OMG I LOVE THEM! They hurt so bad yet sooooooo good.

I believe I’ve done these, but were called champagnes. AND OMG I LOVE THEM! They hurt so bad yet sooooooo good.

 

This back speaks for itself #motivation.

This back speaks for itself #motivation.

 

So, as you can see, in most cases I screen shot the picture. Unless I am using it on my instagram, I will leave the pictures like this to ensure that the correct person can take credit for the picture (especially recipes).

Please. PLEAAASSSSSSEEEE Let me find these babies. I just KNOW these are fantastic.

Please. PLEAAASSSSSSEEEE Let me find these babies. I just KNOW these are fantastic. #lemoniloveyou #teamoreo

 

Just one bad B.

Such a great capture. Just one bad b.

 

#SAYNOTODIETS

#SAYNOTODIETS

But honestly, this picture is FLIPPING hiliarious. Not to forget that the girl who posted it is just as funny. I literally watch her videos over and over like a creep because she is THAT funny. Check her out on instagram @mo_lllly. I always see good food and (for the most part) always take a bit. I can always do more cardio, but sometimes good food doesnt always come around when youre allowed to “eat it” ( as in if you have a “cheat meal”). If and when I am not competing, I will always have something if I want it. Why would you ever deny yourself something that would make you happy, 5 seconds or not? I love food. If I want a bite of a cupcake or well, the whole damn thing I will. And you should too. Keep your sanity, youll thank me later…

And since I seem to SS (screen shot) ALOT, and most of them either motivation or a recipe, they get lost. So, I definitely want to start writing down the recipes or at least shooting the picture (with cred!) on here just so I can refer to the website instead of scrolling through hundreds of thousands of pictures. Here is a recipe that I’ll end this episode of picture hoarding with 🙂

photo 3 copy

Pretty simple. I like recipes in which I would have majority of the ingredients already at home. I want to start a collection that could better assist my clients with. Snacking is a huge ordeal when it comes down to working out and getting in shape. I need to come up with something that takes the punishment out of “dieting” with.

Just a little check in. Woke up around 6am took a few clients and ended with 45 minutes of cardio. I ate, and now time for a little nap. The only thing is my iphone is still updating because it has started and stopped 4 times because the lap top was no longer in use.. DECISIONS DECISIONS!!!!

 

ZZZzzZzZZZZZZZzzzZZZ

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What really matters, is to live.

I feel like I haven’t written in forever, and now don’t know where to begin.

My head is all confused.
I am starting to feel like I am at one of those low points in my life. You know, where everything seems to always go wrong. Like I have no control. I don’t know. But I sure as hell don’t want to keep typing hoping to find the answer. I just need to focus.
On myself.
My life, my job, my training.
My sanity.

I don’t have a very interesting life at the moment, due to training clients and myself majority of the day. Though you would still figure I had more time on my hands than I actually do. Maybe I am sick of the same schedule, same shit everyday. I know I want more, but honestly don’t think I am ready for it. I am starting to get more motivated about branching out my own business but still very intimidating of the idea because I would be going into it blindly. That’s nerve-racking.  Though living pay check to pay check is too, I am still paying bills. Going about what I want to do, could bring in no money at one point. That, I don’t think I am ready for. I’m already living a stressful life, I don’t need bill collectors harassing me, or whats left of my savings to disappear. I just don’t feel safe. Maybe that’s what I need though, not to feel safe. To fight.

To fight for my life.

Well. That’s enough. I am already stressing about writing this blog. I think that’s why I don’t write as often. Okay, never mind. We all know it’s because I am just a boring lifter wanting more out of every F * * * ING thing possible! Greedy.

and selfish. That’s what I have come to the conclusion about myself. No, those aren’t the only characteristics, but those are the negative ones I yearn to change. It’s hard. Because what else is there to do then constantly think of your surroundings thoughts, feelings emotions, needs and wants?

As much as I give, I feel like my hand is always out expecting something. But in the end, I know I am a good person and will do anything for the people closest to me but even the people I know nothing about. Though, doesn’t change the way I feel, like this life is all about me.  I need to grow and continue to grow into something beautiful. I want to change my behaviors and actions. I want to be SELFLESS. True, wholesome and giving. I hate the way I think sometimes. I hate the way I am sometimes.

But flashback to my previous posts, I am the one in charge of everything I want to rid of. So what does that say about me that all I do is whine bitch and moan and hope that one day things are different?
Nothing. It says nothing good about who I am.

But to any and everyone that it matters to, know that I am trying. Is it all that I can do? Maybe not. But I am going to try harder.
..and keep trying.

Okay, someone people stop me. Lets change directions, shall we?

Met with an old friend the other night (friday). It was nice to catch up. We went out to eat and chit chatted for a bit. I am still doing my 4 week no cheat, so I ordered a steak with sweet potato fries and broccoli. My steak was ordered medium rare. Twice, it was not. No big deal, I was hungry. I ate it. Medium well and all.

Left shortly after, and it takes me an hour to get home. In which, I live 15 minutes away. Damn you wrong turn!

The next morning, I woke up around 7:25am and needed to be out the door around 7:30am. I had a client at 8 and a spin class shortly after. That day, I believe I ate 2 quest bars, an isopure drink, 2 bananas, a greek yogurt, some kashi cereal, and chicken for days. I napped around 5:30pm and got ready to head to the boyfriend’s house. It was a couple of his buddies birthday’s, so we were going to go out for a bit. Why I didn’t think I needed to bring food with me, is beside me. I had 1/2 a quest bar and some freeze-dried fruit in my bag (that I only found once I was rummaging through my bag hoping to find food). Though, we stopped at noodles and co for a quick bite to eat. I was thinking that all I could get was a salad (but I am a picky salad person) but noticed the options and they were pretty healthy! I ended up ordering a small order of whole grain pasta with veggies and added chicken. Roughly 450 calories (without the chicken). We ended up staying at his buddies house, while more people showed up. At this point, it was around 10:30-11pm and the boring person I am, was already tired. A couple of girls came over to me and started asking about macros (calories, protein, fats) and about my work out regimen and what I do basically. It was a long conversation that turned into people planking, my boyfriend showing me his squat, to the girls and I complaining about how we needed food. I mean.. I would have had 2-3 meals by the time we ended up leaving :/ I knew I had a Quest bar in the car, but too be honest.. I didn’t go get it because I didn’t want to share it… 😛 (SEE, greedy as f u c k). BUTTTTTTTTT the hunger pains grew to painful to bare so the boyfriend got it and warmed it up by the fire for me. Little did he know, it was cute gesture and all BUT I JUST WANTED TO SCARF IT DOWN! haha..

Noodles and Co FTW!

Noodles and Co FTW!

How sweet. Warming my brownie quest bar for me..

How sweet. Warming my brownie quest bar for me..

The boys, however, wanted pizza though. Imagine that. But the girls didn’t. Which I was pleased about but made sure that I would leave before that happened. Instead, he talked about going to maxwell street to get burgers and was I NOT having that nonsense. Though it is a little challenging when its 1am and you’re hungry. BUT! NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Yes, you don’t know what they add or sneak into their food to make it better, it is what it is. All you can do is ask and hope they honor it. We ended up stopping at ihop. I knew that I could at least get meat (HA!) and can’t go wrong there.

We ended up talking for a bit. Things aren’t going so well. This goes back to the beginning of this post as well, but that’s not appropriate talk right now. The only reason I mentioned it was because when our food came, no matter how hungry I was, we didn’t eat it for at least 8 minutes UGH!) ON TOP OF HIM TAKING UP PRECIOUS TIME NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WANTED TO EAT!!!! The lady came back twice before we actually ordered. Oh my lanta.

Any who, this is what I ate:

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3 eggs scrambled, 2 pieces bacon and sausage with sirloin tips with onions. Yup. For being ihop, wasn’t that bad.

Headed home, slept till 10am and now I am here. Got home around 11:30am, after stopping and vacuuming my car. I ate a banana on the ride home but made a big bowl of oatmeal when I got in.

#addicted.

#addicted.

1/2c oatmeal
1 TBS flaxseed.
3 strawberries, cut.
A small handful blueberries.
A small handful Kashi go lean crunch cereal.
A sprinkle of honey on top.

Have yet to count the macros in the oatmeal (again, proteins fat and carbs), but will get around to it in a bit. Speaking about that, I got off the phone with a client yesterday and how it would be helpful if I had a list of recipes and ingredients that people could eat that would make healthy eating easier. I think I am going to get around to that. I think it would help people, help themselves.

The only thing is that its time-consuming but I think if I break it up a bit, I could get it done relatively easily. I just hope that through all this, people stop over thinking things and start relearning new habits. I mean, you know fast food isnt food for you, so why eat it? Make it at home and save HUNDREDS OF CALORIES!!!! That’s all you need to do. Find foods that you love, and MAKE THEM HEALTHY!

😦

I don’t know. I hate coming off rude but I feel people either don’t want to change, or completely disregard my time spent with them trying to help them. That’s all. I am just trying to help. All I wish is that people are considerate of not only me and my time, but themselves. We need to work together and make things happen, or all we are going to do is fall short to the things that are slowly killing us.  Yes, we all die but why not love the life you live right now? No more hating yourself. No more feeling guilty. Just live life as healthy as we can and enjoy it. Being fit and healthy has a way of opening eyes to new and beautiful things.

I promise.

Spending the rest of the day cleaning and organizing. No work out today besides active resting (stretching, random push ups and lunges and a possible walk around the FP with the pup) and prepping food for the week. Tomorrow will be more of a helpful post, not a helpless one.

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If all you get out of this post was that I deadlifted 230lbs, that’s fine.

Have been having some really bad days lately. Mostly because of my attitude towards it all, but it is really hard to stay positive when you are going broke doing what you love to do. I just feel that I am stuck. Even more overwhelmed that I feel stuck in the first place. It’s almost like binging.. One horrible, vicious cycle in which I am doing to myself.

No one is making me stay at this company. No one has a gun to my head telling me I can’t leave.. Yet I feel like trying to find a new job would not entirely help the situation. I would have to find all new clients, go practically paycheckless for 2ish months, literally start from the bottom all over again and I don’t think that makes a lot of sense right now. Hopefully my boss puts in a good word to snag a promotion sooner than later, because I feel like I will have no choice but to leave. I really don’t want to, at least not now. I have a LIST of horrible things this company does, and that I am against but I LOVE personal training, I LOVE my clients. I don’t know.. I really have no idea what to do and I cry myself to sleep every night praying to God to help me through all this.
It has gotten to a point where I have been asking my boyfriend for money to pay my bills.. something I am super ashamed about but something that I appreciate dearly. Hopefully I will get my head out of my ass and will start stepping in the right direction instead of huge piles of shit all the damn time. I just hate being taken advantage of.. I am BUSTING my ass and putting so much thought and effort into every one of my clients, all to get pennies off the dollar. It’s sad.. it really is that a company as big as this one validates paying there trainers a little as they do. It is MIND BLOWING. But I continue to work there.. don’t I? So who the fuck else do I have to blame except, yet again, myself?
The only good I see coming from this experience though, is the thought of starting my own business. I have so many ideas that that alone gets me overwhelmed as well.. but it’s a little piece of hope I continue to hold on too..
Maybe one day..
Now that thats off my chest.. I DEADLIFTED 230lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… a whopping 230 for 2 reps (lol).. After I dropped the weight, I had 3 people come up to me shaking my hand, telling me how impressive it was. I felt famous for like 2.5 seconds and I FREAKING LOVED IT! Granted, I had a spot and I used straps (I have never lifted with straps before but holyhell I can see why people use them. It helped SO much that I am thinking of purchasing a pair.. in pink of course!).. but I did it! I was so happy. So happy that it turned my horribly awful day into a freakin GREAT ONE! I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day lol.. till.. well I got home. I was INSTANTLY sore.. mostly because I lifted the second rep wrong and used my back instead of my legs (WHICH IS DANGEROUS! DO NOT DO!), and spent the rest of the night on a heating pad. The next day (today), was even worse.. Which I knew was going to happen because well.. I have been lifting for a while now and I know damn well the next few days afterwards are incredibly painful lol. I got foam rolled though which will help with the recovery process, but let me tell you.. THAT WAS UNBEARBALE! Now.. I have gotten tattooed on the ribs, and have had my tongue/nose pierced.. but o m g, that had me in tears. I almost had them stop it was that bad.. Shit.. I’m like cringing as I write this lol… So, I took a slight rest day today.. Did a slow pace walk for 40 minutes and continued to stretch through out the day. Over all.. WORTH IT! I really need to start training with a spotter though.. I have so much potential yet don’t lift as heavy as I can in fear I’ll either look like a dumbass or.. I’ll look like a dumbass when the weight comes crashing down on me lol.. Either way.. I know that with someone there that I could lift SOOOOO much heavier and I NEED that. I need to start progressing.. Yes, I am losing weight but it’s not all about that. I just want to get stronger.. Now if only it wasn’t just physically but mentally too..
Ohh.. one step at a time..
girlDeadlift
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Road to Ripped Progress Pictures :D

Do you ever get frustrated that you’re working so hard but not seeing results as quickly as you’d wish? Many people don’t realize that they’re building a foundation for their health and that success will not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly building and learning. It is extremely important to create a foundation that will remain strong even in times of crisis.

It has taken me over 10 years to get to where I am right now. I have struggled and battled every eating disorder out there trying to become what I thought was “perfection”. I starved and have puked myself thin to a point where vessels in my eyes have burst, I coughed up blood almost daily, and consumed no more than 500 calories a day. You think this sounded like happiness? You think this was at all “perfect?” Who would want to live their life like this?

Apparently, I did for years. It wasn’t until I started working at a gym and learning the healthy way of becoming fit..healthy..happy.. I still struggled and I continue to struggle but at this point in my life, I can say that I have become a better person through all of it. It still isn’t easy and I still dread looking in the mirror sometimes but at the end of the day I am proud of what I have accomplished. I know my blog has become somewhat depressing but I don’t give a shit. This is my blog and a way that I can look back and see how far I have become. I go through bad, horrible, unimaginable emotional days but I know what needs to be done in order for me to like myself. Yes.. like myself. I know this world isn’t ALL about outside appearance, and beauty and looking perfect..but it sure seems that way. Maybe that’s where all this stemmed from… Looking at airbrushed the fuck up magazines… starring relentlessly at amazingly conditioned bodies at the gym.. whatever it was.. it consumed me. I will now and forever live my life preaching to the world just how important becoming healthy truly is. Not just for the world to look and comment how beautiful you are, but to honestly feel it inside. I remember looking in the mirror one day at the gym and amazed at the progress I saw. It opened my eyes to just how important treating yourself with respect really was.. And for that, I will devote my time and love into supporting whomever wants to take the journey with me… not just my idea of “road to ripped”..but the road to true inner happiness…

Well.. now that I got that mushy gushy shit off my chest.. I have gathered some pictures after scrolling through 20,000 pictures..yes there are over 20,000 pictures on my Mac.. LOL.. and would like to share some progress pictures, along with what I eat, with you.

Beginning

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Too lazy to crop this one..my bad.

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Now.. this isn’t the end result. This isn’t the “final” product.. I am sure you will all be the first to know when I feel like I am “there”..but this is just that.. my progress thus far. I really wish I had old pictures of back when I was skin and bones because THAT would be the true progress. I went from being 98lbs (I am 5’7) to a whopping 150+ ( I stopped weighing myself at one point in fear of what the truth was. The scale isn’t your friend.. nor is it 100% accurate especially when you are beginning, or continuing a fitness regimen. I always fear my clients will get unmotivated if they are not happy at the number staring back at them.. We all know muscle takes up less space in the body, making our clothes fit better, but weighs more than fat. You could fit in those jeans you havent worn in forever, yet the scale hasn’t budged. THIS IS NORMAL! Do NOT be afraid anymore! As long as you are moving, getting and staying active and watching the SHIT foods in moderation while keeping a healthy “diet”, the scale shouldn’t matter anymore), and now I am back at 150. Shit.. Tell me years ago that I would be 150 and I would have cried myself to sleep for days.. but this is the thing.. I have never been in this great of shape before.. Okay… yes I have.. when I competed in a bikini show a year or two ago.. but this is it.. I feel it. Nothing can stop me anymore..

I haven’t binged in the longest time. I actually couldn’t even tell you the last time I did.. why? because I am too determined to be great. I am too determined to prove to myself that I can stick with this shit. Through the bad days, the good ones and fuck! Even the ones that wish I never got out of bed I still tell myself over and over that I can DO THIS!.. and honestly.. so can everyone that has signed up to be trained by me.. The thing is.. it really depends on how bad you want it. You can THINK you do.. you can even dream about it.. but nothing matters until you actually do it and KEEP doing it. Keep in mind you will have bad days.. but just look forward to the good ones. Like they said, ” don’t be afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still”.. Pick yourself up.. and keep moving forward. No matter how long it takes, just know that you are one day closer to being who you truly want to be…

Here are a few pictures of what I eat on a daily basis…

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Kashi Waffles with WF pancake syrup

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Look at the food that I eat.. Why starve when you can achieve a fantastic looking body by eating? I mean.. truly eating and I eat A LOT. Yes.. people will still think I look manly.. yes not every girl wants my body.. but I am HEALTHY.. and it doesn’t even end there.. but I am HAPPY with my body.. how many of you can actually say that?

My main go to’s are ground turkey, steak, chicken, greek yogurt, eggs, fruits of all kinds (be careful.. now yes a banana is better than eating a snickers but fruit has sugar regardless if its natural or not. Now there are many stereotypes about all this crap.. but the only reason I bring this up is because people tend to take things for granted and consume high amount of calories thinking that just because its healthy that it wont matter… well.. it does. It’s all about calories in vs calories when talking about weight loss.. Just keep that in mind)… asparagus, broccoli, sweet potatoes and regular potatoes.. I have fallen in love with Kashi Waffles (I usually don’t find many products that have a good ingredient list, but surprisingly enough, the ingredients were basic and the nutrition % was awesome! There are about 150 calories for 2, 19g of carbs, 2g of protein).. Skinny Cow has also become a favorite of mine as well.. I would rather have one of those strawberry shortcakes then a whole pint of ice cream.. My portion control sucks a fat one!

But there you have it ladies and gentleman.. A blog post that took be over an hour to write, but one that was worth reading. One that wasn’t full of depression and shit that makes you want to feel bad for me. LOL! Not saying that everything in my life is perfect at the moment, because that is far from the truth. However, just giving you an insight on how actually giving a fuck about your body can and will benefit you each day forward. It has taught me dedication and has held me accountable.. traits that are hard to come by and stick with in this day in age. It is so easy to just not give a shit and to eat whatever you want and to sleep an extra hour than to get up and do some cardio, or take a bike ride.. It is so easy to not care.. why don’t we choose the path less taken?

What do we have to lose?

 

 

except a few pounds here and there 😉

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Treading water just to stay afloat.

Finally writing, updating my life ventures via the internet. I have a couple hours to spare so, why not?

Once again, and for the last what? 2-3 posts, I am still overwhelmed. I am getting underpaid for overworking and sooner rather than later, I think it is going to catch up to me. Knowing this, I have been praying, crying, over thinking and panicking about my life situation at the moment. Is all that healthy? no.. but it at least it has me attempting to get the ball moving, to get proactive. I cant just wait around anymore. I cant just sit on an idea, a dream and just exist in the world. Where is that going to get me? Where HAS it gotten me? No where fast, no where worth being proud about that’s for sure.

I have been through a lot in my life and it has lead me to have a world full of insecurities affecting EVERYTHING in my life. Each day its different. One day I feel accomplished, the next unmotivated and taken advantage of. Its not fair to be constantly in turmoil, to be anxious and stressed. I NEED to do something about it, not just blog about it and one day hope to God that things change. I HAVE TO CHANGE THEM MYSELF.

So this post seems to be spiraling down the depressed path that it usually does, however, it was inspired by moments of truth.

I have recently taken up a new client and after spending many hours with him, helping inspiring training him, I have come to gain a rather special person in my life. One that has offered to lend a helping hand, only to have known me for a week or so. Not many people in this world have good intentions, fuck most wont even hold the door open for you so what has transpired has literally had me in tears. I don’t want to go much into detail about it because it could jeopardize a lot of things in my life and at the moment I don’t have much to fall back on, so I will keep it short and sweet.

In the last few weeks, I have opened my eyes and my mind to the bigger picture that I want to see in my near future. Something that I want to reach for, a dream I would love to see come true, something I plan on working very hard for. Something like this, especially for me has come with many insecurities like I mentioned earlier. Whether its because I don’t believe in myself or any other reason, it has deterred me from being successful in the past. I have always just done my part, doing what was expected of me and evidently been taken advantage of which led to burning out quickly. Although I was in the field that I wanted to be in, started my career at 19 years old, I gave it up for a boy. Something that I do infact regret, but will forever have learned an important lesson. I will live my life for me. Any and everyone else should just compliment it, not trouble it. I can’t depend on anyone but myself and will keep on fighting to stay afloat. However that doesnt mean I dont have a great support system, because as of lately I have really been blessed with a great (and growing) one.

This client of mine, who again barely knows me, spent an hour on the phone with me the other day. Talking about how he knows and feels how passionate I am about what I am doing. How I NEED to start thinking for myself and being proactive about broadening my horizons, shooting for something bigger than just the bare minimum. I mean, what AM I WAITING FOR? To win the lottery? That one special break in a career? Someone to do all the work and I just take credit for it? I don’t know.. fuck it could be anything considering I have waited this long to finally get my head out of my ass. He told me that I have something in me that many people don’t and that I need to use it to the best of my ability. We got some ideas rolling and with the help of him and my Wellness Coaching instructor, I am very close to finishing up the brainstorming process and moving forward with this idea. I cannot tell you how truly AMAZING it is, to have people believe in you.. Other than family and friends, having strangers take time out of their lives to tell you that they support you is a phenomal feeling. Like for instant, I was checking my facebook messages earlier and here is what a fellow fb friend wrote:

hey, i just wanted to say that i just read some of your blog, as well as i enjoy reading your posts on Facebook. You definitely should start your own business, you know what your talking about and you have people skills to get the job done, but keep up the good work at work as well on the blog!

PS it would be cool if you could start a little podcast thing and just talk for an hour or so every so often instead of writing everything down.

Insert instant smile here.

It’s an unbelievable feeling and again, I feel so blessed.

After finishing up talking with this client he mentioned (said a disclaimer before lol) that I am “too pretty to be bitter”. It hit me right in the heart because its true. Not so much the too pretty part (lol.. insecure much?) but the bitter part. There are many things in my life that I wish to gain control of before I go on this rollercoaster of a ride idea of mine and hope that everyday I get a little bit stronger. Physically (obviously :P) but mentally, emotionally because as far as I can tell I havent even broke the surface regarding those two aspects of my life. For example last night,.. I tried breaking up with the love of my life (again). I felt I was putting too much time and effort into him and not into myself (like I did prior with another guy). Something that I promised to myself that I would NEVER do again. I have had anxiety for awhile now in regards to (well just about everythung in my life) but more so in my relationship with him. Although he is be far THEE best guy I have EVER dated, I can’t be selfish and hold onto something that could possibly benefit form me parting from. There are alot of things that have happened that has broken trust, but nothing that can’t be fixed. I just don’t think it has been lately, even attempted really. I think its that mentatlity that time heals everything or something because I feel just stuck overthinking (EVERYTHING). Although I am loved and adored yadda ya I still feel lonely. I feel caught up in a world where it doesnt matter if you fail or succeed. A world where good people are hard to come by.

I am afraid of the future for what it will or will not bring. I am constantly overwhelmed over everything I have no control over. I know what I do wrong, how I am and how I act, yet I do nothing about it thinking someday it will all change and be better. LOL. aint that something. Its literally like some (yes some, more than one) clients thinking eating a Whopper before working out with me is a good idea. You know its not, yet you keep eating shitty getting the same results hoping one day the good will outweigh the bad and life will be happily every after once and for all.

Hmm.. if only that’s how it worked. Instead you must work hard and believe even harder. Having faith in the unknown is one of the most difficult things we will face in the world today but something that will keep your mind body and spirit striving to be better each day forward.

Well I guess I really didn’t keep that short, but I laughed when I wrote that anyways. Hoping to post up progress pictures some time in the near future (but uploading on this gay macbook is difficult) but until then, enjoy all my random ass blog posts.

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