Tag Archives: Fuck

Fuck. It’s finally friday.

Life has been throwing quite a few curve balls at me lately.
..and usually I am one to throw in the towel, call it quits, say I don’t give a fuck, anything but actually roll with the punches.  You know, sit on the pity pot, cry myself to sleep while I ask “why me?”
Lol. “why me?” How ignorant.
Lets take something positive out of a semi bad situation.. I currently have a pending misdemeanor for a speeding ticket I got a few weeks ago. Granted this is going to cost me a chunk of change (lawyer, court fines ext), it has slowly (obviously) given me some patience, that I lack ever so badly. I cruise on the highway going 70 (usually a MINIMUM of 80 mph for this lead foot), sometimes even getting passed by semis but I can’t risk it. Not only that, what am I in a rush for? Life passes by quickly enough as it is.. I don’t need to hurry things along even faster. I think why I feel so “changed” is because I use to ALWAYS be on a schedule (working, eating, lifting), and there simply wasn’t enough hours in the day to please me.
Now, I am taking each little “life’s lessons”, and trying to see the good in all situations. I am such a negative person as it is and clearly it hasn’t been working out for me. I want to love myself, not put myself on a pedestal.
Random thought.. yes I have my little tangents.

The Food Log..

9am 2 slices of Ezekiel Bread w/Jiffy (not natural) <-- :(
12pm Ezekiel Pasta with lean Ground Turkey and natural sauce (only has 6 ingredients).
3pm Chicken and Veggies.
6pm (Pre Work Out)* 1/2c Greek Yogurt w/ 1/4c Steel Cut Oats (w/ 3 strawberries).
9pm (Post Work Out)* Ezekiel Pasta w/ Organic Butter and Ground Turkey.
11pm and later Casein shake.

*Pre Work Out (explanation) from Askmen.com

Pre-exercise meals should be mainly composed of “slow-burning” complex carbs, such as fruits, vegetables, whole-grain bread, rice, pasta, and cereals. Given that they are your body’s main source of energy, 65% to 70% of the total calories of your pre-workout meal should come from carbs. Complex carbs take longer to convert to glucose, which will keep your blood sugar level consistent and prevent you from having an energy crash in the middle of your workout.In addition, 15% of the total calories of your meal should come from protein. Because fat takes longer to digest, and therefore uses more energy than protein and carbs, it should be kept to a minimum immediately before a workout.Avoid simple sugars, such as candy, in the hour before your workout. They can send your blood sugar level shooting down, leading to a severe drop in energy.Another factor in deciding what to eat is the amount of time between your meal and your workout. A big meal of 1,000 to 1,500 calories takes three to four hours to digest and convert into energy, whereas a smaller meal of about 600 calories will take two to three hours. A small snack under 300 calories will only take about an hour.

 
Examples: Oatmeal, Bananas, Trail Mix, Whole Wheat Pasta.

The Work Out

Hamstring and Glute day, yay!
Starting off with Deadlifts (compound exercises should be knocked out first. These are the ones that tax your body the most aka take most energy.. deplete glycogen stores quickly.. This is also another reason why I don’t do much, if any, cardio on leg days).
I usually do 5 sets, 12,12,10,8,8 (reps).
50lbs + bar for 2 sets of 12 reps (or till failure.. if you can knock out another rep GO FOR IT!)
add 20lbs
70lbs for 1 set of 10 reps.
add 10lbs
80lbs for 2 sets of 8 reps.
Not supersetting this with anything.
Will however do 3 sets of calf raises afterwards before I hit lunges.
Calf Raises
3 sets of 45lb (10-12 reps).

LUNGES!!!!

5 Sets of 20 reps (WEIGHTED!!)
I think I might just stick with 20 lb Dumbbells=

100 (40lb) total lunges 🙂
POSSIBLY superset with 30 sec wall sits.

Finish with a lighter Good Morning (kind of like an awkward stiff legged deadlift).
supersetted with planks.
Would like to also complete at LEAST 30 Minutes of light (but elevated- on an incline) cardio on the treadmill.
Sauna if I’m lucky?
 
Post Work Out Meal (explanation) by Askmen.com
As a general rule of thumb, you’ll want to consume about 0.8 grams of carbohydrate per 2.2 pounds of body weight within 30 to 60 minutes after your workout. Any longer and you may miss your “window of opportunity” (the time period in which your muscles will benefit most from nutrition). You’ll also want to take in about one-third or one-half that ratio in protein or about 0.2 to 0.4 grams per 2.2 pounds of body weight.However, it’s not just the amount of these nutrients that’s important — it’s a little bit more complicated than that — which is why AM has decided to rank its top 10 post-workout foods for you to keep handy after you hit the gym.
 
Examples: Hummus on a whole-grain pita. Toasted whole wheat bagel with almond butter. Dried fruits and nuts. Tuna and whole-wheat crackers. Egg white and spinach omelet
Basically this is what I follow. I never knew how important carbs were to someones diet/body. It is almost CRUCIAL. What happens when you go low carb for awhile (or forever lol).. your body begins to think that its starving. “However, if there is very little carbohydrate in the diet, the liver converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies. The ketone bodies pass into the brain and replace glucose as an energy source. An elevated level of ketone bodies in the blood, a state known as ketosis, leads to a reduction in the frequency of epileptic seizures.” – Wikipedia.
I know people have a misconception about carbohydrates, but we all need to understand that we can EAT carbohydrates, we just have to eat the right ones (and technically at the right time). Don’t be scared of food. Eat to live not live to eat. Try and stay away from heavily processed carbs (have TONS of hidden sugars) and switch to Whole Wheat. Its a SIMPLE change that has MANY benefits, and I promise the taste isn’t even that noticeable!! ….. ok well if it is, get use to it lol.
This weekend I will be sure to list the certain food products I have known to help in a healthy (organic/whole) lifestyle. Instagram has been a HUGE help in aiding my addiction to sugar and living a happy healthy normal life. I’m all for trying new things now!!!!
So follow me btw..

@Maristheshit

 

Recipe of the day:

Strawberry Frosting Shots
(or strawberry mousse)
  • 1 can full-fat coconut milk (Perhaps you can sub 1 cup soaked, drained cashews or macadamia nuts if allergic to coconut? If anyone tries, please report back!)
  • 2-5 strawberries (more will yield a thinner mousse)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • sweetener to taste (stevia or powdered sugar)
  • tiny pinch salt (trust me)
Open the coconut milk, and if it isn’t yet as thick as in the above photo, leave the can (or transfer to a bowl) uncovered in the fridge overnight. (Don’t shake the can before opening.) It should get very, very thick. (If it doesn’t, you’ve gotten a bad can that won’t work for the recipe. I highly recommend Thai Kitchen Organic.) Once thick, transfer just the thick part to a bowl (leave out the watery bit at the bottom of the can, for a thicker mousse) and blend with all other ingredients. Stored uncovered in the fridge, the mixture gets even thicker.
 

 

I have been meaning to make “cool whip” out of coconut milk. I recently bought 2 cans and haven’t even touched them. I think it would be wonderful on pancakes on Saturday or Sunday morning. Mmmm.. Chocolatecoveredkatie.com <== LOVELOVELOVE!
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Pointless late night post.

So it’s 10:42pm on Saturday night. I don’t remember (nor have I put much work into finding out) what time I fell asleep at…. but it sure as hell wasn’t just a catnap like I told him. Yes I will refer to him as him as if you know who he is. Just go along with it. Names have to be withheld. Too many creeps.
 
So yeah. I was going to get chipotle but I am so glad I passed out. I can only imagine how bloated I would of felt. Dude. I jiggle again. I am probably 3 solid months worth of training. LOL.. yes I just measured my weight loss by how quickly it can be lost. Ugh. This time a scale may be needed. That and I will need to start writing my shit down. When it all comes down to it yes weight loss is a science. Pretty much, calories in vs calories out. That is the EASIEST (quickest, simplest ext ext) way of explaining HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT. If you know and understand that.. like Albert Einstein once said..

aka

Burn more calories (via exercise/movement) then you consume (ingest = eat).
..& I think writing it all down and literally calculating all my macronutrients, will be fool proof. 😉
 
I have always been really weird with my work outs though. For the most part I am pretty much on with my reps and sets when I write them down in the work out part of the blog. However there are some times when I do do more one set or I may do 2 less the next set. But let it be known that I 85-90% always go to FAILURE. I try and push myself, and to continous go till my comfort zone. Yes this may not be correct in any way shape or form but I have been pushed to anxiety attacks over rep numbers, not being able to get a higher weight then last week, even looking in the mirror has sent me home. Even worse? I have cried at the incline leg press before.. lol. Fucked up.
 
Anyways I didn’t mean to get into that.. but I just remembered the common questions I have been recently asked.
Lets move on to the real reason I even wanted to randomly start blogging at 11 at night.
I hate myself right now. Yes hate is a strong word and I don’t feel like pressing the delete button or moving my mouse and rewriting the sentence (so yes I will just continue to write even more lol therefore taking up more time when I really could of just rewrote the sentence and now I can’t stop writing).. haha.. I am jiggling literally as the laptop rests upon my legs (think laying in bed, lap top on quads on a 45 degree angle) gosh Im retarded. okay but literally i am jiggling. and before when I was downstairs I realized how soft I am lol. FUCK.
 
Listen I have NOT been at the gym in about 2 weeks. Not to mention I have not given A FUCK what has gone in my mouth recently…………. lol
 
but really its sad. I am so uncomfortable these days and TODAY I got my period = (besides TMI) MAJOR BLOAT + MAJOR MENS. PAINS = 😦
 
Everything sucks. I haven’t started this month off right but I promise as you are reading this, whoever and ALL who you are, I  promise tomorrow will be different. I suppose not for anyone else but myself but I want to be held accountable. Him and I set a short term goal of 4 weeks (so until July 4) to do a few things differently for ourselves and I really want to hold true to that. I really think we can ALL do what we put our minds too..but I think sometimes people don’t always see the long term goal or reward and just give up for the “time being”.. but overall you will change things about you that you want to change when your ready. No one should be faulted for that. Its been 6 months since I quit smoking cigarettes and that was a personal choice. I should have even weeks ago but I secretly liked to smoke :/
Honeslty I don’t even feel that much different, or even the added benefits lol but I think I soley based my choice to quit that it simply wasn’t healthy. And deep down thats a huge personal goal of mine. I know a lot of things I still do aren’t, but I want to change that. So, be the change you wish to see in the world, right?
Easier said then done.
 
Maybe..:)
 
I’m excited for tomorrows blog btw.
 
Food prep and my first (of many) leg work outs back from my “fat staycation”. I am going to be so fucking sore this week its going to suck. And now after all that zombie bullshit I am a little weary on taking my salt bathes after work outs. Fuck that shit. UNREAL.
 
I cannot stay focused for the life of me.
Yeah.. I don’t know if this blog had a point or not.
So hopefully I already made one because I just got tired again…
 

..So goodnight ❤

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Day 64

ended not so well.

Tagged

Day 48-52 For someone who doesn’t like excuses, I sure have a shit ton.

Ah. Jeez. So sorry.

😦

I wish I had like a reasonable excuse as to why it has been 5 days since my last post, but I don’t.

Friday I completed my blog (it was boring, so its sitting unpublished lol), and did my 45 min of cardio that night.
Saturday morning I woke up (1130) and did 30 min of cardio on an empty stomach, and sort of rushed the rest of the time.

Around 1230 (after showering and eating) I headed out on a mini road trip, so for the weekend day 48/49 will be better off explained via pictures 🙂

So Sunday I get back. Apparently I ate BBQ chips the night before 😦 and a lot more alcohol then I had wanted too :/ So I was a little weird about that. So what do I do? Eat like shit. Why? The only excuse I could come up with is I was hungover. So I ate, nothing too bad but a whole lot of nothing healthy.

Part of Mondays Binge.

Monday comes along. I feel like shit still. Haven’t been sleeping. Start day 2 of binge.

Enter embarrassing details here.

Tuesday comes along. I feel like shit still, only one to blame is myself. That and fucking pot. Start day 3 of binge.

Enter even more embarrassing details here.

Wednesday comes along. I still feel like shit. I knew I was going to feel like shit. I am SO FUCKING OVER IT.

I have been driving home in silence lately.. trying to figure out my ways of self destruction. I literally talk myself through it. I KNOW what I am doing. I KNOW how I will feel afterwards.. and what..? I still do it?

That makes a whole lot of fucking sense doesn’t it?
no?

YEAH NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK.

Yet I have no excuse. And No I do not want comments saying its okay and todays a new day and shit like that because I know that.. I am not ruining today because of yesterdays..and the day before that were complete and utter shit. No.. I am simply trying to talk my way through this feeling/emotion/lack of dopamine/ whatever the fuck it is, I am trying to U N D E R S T A N D it. Because I don’t.

My mom thought it was because I like to punish myself. FUCK THAT. Why would I LIKE to punish myself? I feel like shit. I treat people like shit when I feel like shit. I get angry when really I am sad inside. and quite frankly I have YET to find joy in my pain/punishment.

I have yet to find a balance 😦 but as God is my witness, I will work each and everyday to try and find it 🙂

So today is Wednesday. I am on spring break from school (big deal lol) so I am going to leave work my usual 30-45min early just so I can get to the gym faster.
I am ready again. GO HARD.

But is it not bizarre that technically I “fell off” exactly 1.5 months in, exactly half way through? lol….. hmmmmm…. It’s allllll good.. I just have to step it up a bit and go fucking tanning. I swear if you are ever self conscious about your body, so spray tanning. Everyone looks good tan. I. am. not. kidding.

and I think I am FINALLY going to get my nails done :):) Its been WAY too long, but I am finally not broke haha.. My reimbursement for school came yesterday WITH MY INCOME TAXES BACK!!! HOLLLLAAAAAAAA… to bad I owe like $500 to people lol.. ol well.. 😦 That’s the price you pay for having fun lol..

but back to the basics.

745am This is now my wake up time. Exactly 15 min to get ready, and 15 min to walk Marley and make a protein shake lol. This was my beautiful baby this morning..

830am HALF OF A PROTEIN SHAKE, I gave the other half to my car. 1 scoop myofusion (nasty kind, DEF picking some good shit up today).  1/2 TBS Coconut Oil, and some c. shreds Ice and Water.

11am Snacked on 1/2 chicken breast and a CCCD Lara Bar.

and possibly some almonds.. look at all the fun stuff I got at Walgreens.. Seriously me with money is NOT good, especially because I need to go to GNC and I finally get to buy my MUSCLE EGGSSS!!! HELLLLLL YEAH! I need to get Glutamine and another jug of myofusion 🙂

The almonds are on sale for Buy 1 Get 1 Free 🙂 Like I said when I put the pic on instagram, careful they are ADDICTING!!!!

2pm Finishing 1/2 chicken breast and some more almonds. I will eat more later when I leave at 415ish

FINALLY FUCKING BOUGHT MUSCLE EGG!!!!!! HELLLLLL YEAH!! Cost me $75 but its chocolate EGG WHITES!!!

and then went to GNC after work and bought $55 worth of protein and a multi vitamin and 2 turbo teas 🙂 Picture will be in tomorrows blog.. 🙂

730pm

THE WORKOUT:

LEGGGSSSS FOR DAYYYYYYSSSS

Leg Press– Actually no.. I didn’t do leg press.. retard sally cakes thinks the gym is a playground and just chit chat BY the machine. Cool story bro.

Lunges– Only had 30lb DB in hand.. 2×20 reps=

100 TOTAL LUNGES!!

Squats– Went into studio for these.

15lb DB x 10 followed by
BW x 10

5 Min of Planks All supersetted. Sweating like a beast by now..

Leg Ext- Started with 135lbs lol. Maxxed out at 155lb.

Calf Raises 3×12 25lbs (my calves were cramping)

No cardio.

845pm Chipotle 🙂 Nuff said.

930pm Went to talk with a friend about a super big move that may take place soon 🙂 deets hopefully soon.

1130pm Had an AMAZING shake with the new products I got. Simply in LOVE with this flavor.

1/2c almond milk, almond butter, dymatize protein powder, a powder multi vitamin, ice and blend. So it sounds like its chocolate peanut butter but it has a WHOLE different taste, and its FANTASTIC 🙂

1145pm Went to update blog and my battery died.. So, sorry it’s just coming out now.. and I promise I wont go another week without updating lol.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 30 My only wish is I die real.

HAD TO START WITH SAYING 2 MONTH CIGARETTE FREE!!!

But I feel like shit.

I felt like shit last night too, so woke up 15 min prior to  me needing to leave. Not like I give a shit, but Marley would NOT stop whinning at 6am. My mom had to come in and take her out, shes such a weirdo.

But back to me feeling like shit. It feels like acid reflux. Haven’t had it in AWHILE.. so it’s weird that its coming back now. FUCKKKK I took 3 tums last night and I woke up fine, now it hurts again.

Had a dope ass shake though.

830am W/ the nasty WF vanilla P. powder with fresh pineapple, frozen mango ice and water (oh and fiber). It was awessssssssssssssssome. I am going to add coconut oil tomorrow 🙂

Anywho its 1041am I found Raw almonds in a customers car LMFAO. I had to go in it to get the title and all of a sudden a bag of unopened almonds popped out. FUCKING PERFECT. I was starving and not only was my stomach hurting from WHATEVERTHEFUCKISGOINGON, i had hunger pains too. 😦 No bueno.

So I ate a handful of those then had a piece of pineapple. MMMMMM I LOVE FOOD!

NEED TO GO TO THE DMV today, but Matt isn’t here. I am seriously in so much trouble. :(:(

Bought another sweatshirt from LIFT BIG EAT BIG. The purple one. 🙂 I only bought one sweatshirt from their because I am rewarding myself. I haven’t gotten any check from school cathy or my tax return so this is my money rewarding myself for hitting day 30 🙂 But I want like 2 or 3 more things 🙂

&& I want these SO BADDDDDDD ❤

Anyways. I am in a really good fucking mood. the weather is FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! no joke its 68 degrees March 6. Take a few seconds and thank WHOEVER you think is in charge of life and death and thank them for another day here on earth.

Actually what if death is better then life? lol. Like once we die its like a never ending party. hahahaha justkidding. THANK YOU GOD FOR TODAY! ❤

I feel myself getting a little hungry (231pm) I have more pineapple that I shouldnt eat, actually I CAN, omg stomach pains again 😦 but I may go sneak some more almonds lmfao.. ITS LEG DAY TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! Lets see some sexy legs!!!!!!!!!

So far doing legs 2x a week is going great. My ass is huge, and its staying that way, all while my legs (thighs ext) are thinning out. FUCK YEAH!..

See I’m positive about my body when I’m in a good mood, and think I’m pregnant when I’m not.
Writing things down does help…….

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

924pm Just an update

Left for work at 5pm. Got flicked off and tried to run off the road TWICE. I was taking a video of the first guy because he was acting crazy and as soon as I was about to hit off I said ” and I need to cut this guy off”.. but hoesntly THERE WAS ENOUGH DAMN ROOM. it wasn’t like a huge ordeal. Well I turned the record button off and continued driving. Well the road merges back onto the highway or follow with traffic. Well this guy got on the further road to go straight and wouldn’t let me in.. Pretty much he was running me off the road.. WEll I saw I had like 100 feet and sped up and I didn’t give a shit if he hit my car. He had a mercedes and I simply didn’t care. I wouldn’t of said anything, probably wouldn’t of even stopped had he hit me lol.. Anywho I got my camera back on and he started acting normal till he got on the right again (after fucking with me) and I slowed down and rolled down my window.. I wanna see if I can post the video here.. lol

Nevermind it won’t let me :(:( Hopefully I can figure it out sometime.. But he said, cut me off one more time bitch.. and he sounded so flustered like he knew he was on camera lol and didn’t know if he was going to roll down his window or not.. whatever hahaha.. I can’t believe it.. thats 3 times in 2 days..

So I got home I ate a piece of steak again at like 445 so I only ate a couple scoops of applesauce (just because lol) and part of a lara bar.. I had a lot of fruit today.

Got to the gym at 730pm

Squats!

60lbs x 10reps
80lbs x 10reps
90lbs x 8reps
100lbs x 6reps
110lbs x 4reps

Moved onto lunges. MHMMMMM started at 40 lb DB in each hand

80lbs x 100 MOTHER FUCKING LUNGES BABY!

My forearms wanted to give up more then my legs did. My legs were hurting at the last few reps.. like wobbly type shit. Then went over to the Leg Ext.. Even though I was going to do calves but I was kind of spacey.

65lbs x 12reps
80lbs x 10reps
95lbs x 10reps
110lbs x 8reps
125lbs x 8reps
140lbs x 6reps

FInished with 3 sets of 10 reps (45lbs) seated calf raises.

Did 2 set of planks. I was hurting. I did 10 box jumps though lol.. and I really didn’t feel anything jiggle up and down lol.. whichhhh is fanfuckingtastic.

🙂

Got a diet coke (yes I am taking full advantage before I can’t drink it anymore)… ate some stolen almonds. And then made a smoothie.. coconut mango pineapple… mmmmm so fucking good.

Probably all Im gonna eat.. I want to go to bed at a normal time..

I have been thinking about things… and I really need to stop getting so upset about things so fast. Everything can be solved. But first you just need to breathe. Honestly. ENJOY your life. Do something for YOU! Not only that find something you can hold on too.. That gives you faith.. that gives you hope… I really think people need to start living for  something.

Then I get to thinking about how people can’t even say thank you or bless you when someone sneezes. How people can’t even hold a door open for someone anymore, and I think people are going to just take a few seconds even to thank the universe for all I care, just to be alive.  Life is so precious and you really don’t know when its all going to end. but when it does I want to have at least help or have helped someone… anyone.. I want someone to have been changed by something I stood for or just said in general. I want little girls to know that they are beautiful. That the outside does NOT define who you are inside. That vanity is ignorance to the beauty thats around us. I want people to be happier.. just fucking stop hating each other.. why are you holding a grudge? why is everyone SO DAMN MAD ALL THE FUCKING TIME?!?!

The thing is is I always LOOK mad, completely different then actually being mad.. yes perspective is everything and everyone judges, but honestly I think in my life, I’ve been more sad then mad and I used being angry to cover up wanting to always cry. I mean fuck I’ve done my fair share of crying (and I could cry at just about anything lol). But I think I rather choose to scream and yell then to crying and hyperventilate.

I always knew anger was a second emotion but never put much thought into it. The thing is is I wasn’t mad at the world, or people around me.. I was just upset at my life and how I was living it. I was probably jealous and envious over certain peoples lifestyles, bodies, cars  (whatever the fuck it may be) but never truly upset with anyone.. Not even my dad who introduced himself to me on my 8th grade graduation.

Yeah my mom thinks I should be angry at him but honestly I don’t. He didn’t leave me, he never hated me.. Shit happens and people react in different ways. Hence what I am saying about myself. I choose to do stuff differently (judge people ext), and no one really told me I was ever wrong, Just like my father knows (hopefully) but thats it. As long as you learn a lesson from past mistakes I think in the end it will make you a better person. Though they say never to regret anything, well I don’t believe in that. I don’t mean sit there and dwell, but I don’t think regretting something is wrong. It doesn’t do much, but its not wrong. I think it would be wrong if you didn’t regret it (meaning you’d do it again).. Idk to each their own.. I just wish I didn’t have to hurt people to become what I think is a better person now.

Words hurt. Words stay in peoples minds. and I am so sorry to anyone that I have ever hurt.

and trust me, I have hurt people with the words I have said. I am not proud the fact that I can hurt someone so badly with just the words that come out of my mouth. and to think I WANTED to hurt someone with them…

I was just lost. lost and confused 😦

Shit this could go on forever but I am going to end it here.. its going on 10pm..

Point is.. I am a different person now. I do not judge anyone, because it is not my place to judge. Being open and having people being open with me, has made me realize that just because a person is smiling on the outside, that they are not living, going or been thru hell.

I have heard some fucked up stories, that I couldn’t even dream up if I wanted too, not to mention, would I have EVER of guessed that this person has been through, what they went thru.

Just please the next time you want to say something mean rude, hurtful disrepesetful ext.. know that not only do sticks and stones hurt…. so do words. and some people are going thru enough behind close doors, that they don’t need an ignorant jackass talking shit.

Sorry. Idk why that all came out.. 😦

Anyways I’m going to bed. Sorry to bore the fuck out of you.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 28 Big girls don’t cry…anymore.

So the post is pending, I think I fucked something up. Whatever you do, don’t fool around with the publish button. This was before it decided to publish on its own, but then not publish when I want it too.. whatever.

It is 9:22am And I should be getting ready for church but guess were not going. I COULD go by myself.. and maybe I should have, but it was only my second time and I practically backed out of prayer group even with my mom sistting there. Idk . So here is my nasty breakfast (when I SHOULD of made real food, not a liquid one)….

Banana PB icecream on left (which is always good) and my nasty ass protein shake on the right.
It is whole foods brand, mixed with superblend and coconut milk and 4-5 ice cubes. and it literally tasted like ass.

I waited a little bit (more web surfing facefucking) probably smoked some more pot. finished my taxes though…
and then headed to the gym at around 130pm.. Did a little arm work out! <ENTER SARCASM HERE. AND EVERYWHERE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER> you know my FAVE!!

I needed a little matter before my mind 😉
DEF needed a “pre workout” or some sort to even want to think about doing arms..
It wasn’t so bad though. I have been feeling stronger and it makes the work out that much better.

Started with

Standing DB curls 25 lbs 12 reps super setted with standing BB 40lbs curls 10 reps 4 x thru.

Assisted dips 8 reps ss with BW dips 10 reps 3 x thru

Tricep Pushdown 12 reps ss w Cable curls 25,30,35 lbs x 6-8 reps 3 x thru

I was just about to rant about “common sense” gym “rules” lol.. when I realized no one has common sense to begin with, why would I ever think they would have manners in a gym setting? People are ignorant, yes I have been myself, but I don’t just go up to a machine and take it. I ask around if it looks like someone might be there and if no one speaks up then I proceed. But WHAT THE F U C K ? !  not only did these 2 individuals not care, they took part of my machine down so they could do pointless AB exercises, (sorry still a firm believer in abs are made in the kitchen). I was like whatever and just kept going with the cable curls.

I ended with 8 pathetic bosu ball push ups 2 sets of pathetic triceps pushback 15lbs for 8 reps

and just decided to do my planks. So 5 minutes of F/S/S still only doing 30 seconds each.

Was everyone aware of my little decision to do this entire contest prep with ONLY DOING PLANKS! GOT THAT FOLKS?!??!?! So all my progress pics, and my befores and afters will have been only with the help of planks. Well see how I turn out.

That and I only wanted to do the stair master for this contest prep as well bc I was gay last year and did the treadmill (and lost my precious ass), but like today, though Im not doing cardio on the weekends yet I wanted to do some for the hell of it. Stair master was taken by 3 people holding on, so I decided to do 20 minutes of treadmill on an 10 or higher level at about 2.8 mph. Wasn’t bad either, I could feel how sore my butt cheeks are from those lunges though yesterday. lol

3pm Chicken corn 1/4c brown rice and broccoli and I ate some lite sour cream for after my workout. Fucking bomb.

Seriously I am addicted to corn (only on the weekends do I have it), but what the fuck is going on?
what is up with these corn cravings lol

So I came upstairs and decided to chill for a little bit, update this lovely blog of mine before I do a clean sweep of my room. Going to see project x tonight at around 930, should be good. HEard it was lol. oh AND MY FUCKING TAXES ALREADY CAME BACK RETURNED! UGHHHHHHHHHH!

Whatever that and I think my license is going to be suspended. not even joking. well see. staying positive.

I think I mentioned last night but this is the 60 second chocolate cake I made last night. HOLY SHIT. I AM IN L O V E! Def a great weekend “cheat”

Screenshot from Chocolate covered katie )

Sorry my pictures actually look like shit.. And def doesn’t do it justice.. But can you see how moist it is? And so fucking chocolately (and to think I could of added some cocoa nibs or even cc’s!) But this was fantastic. I literally went back up to bed with a huge smile on my face. It was that good. And it had 3 TBS WW flour and 3 tsp cane sugar, those 2 were the only bad ingredients and it wasn’t even that much. Anywho, hope you all try it.. you will not be disappointed.

and as you know well you don’t but its 4:41 pm

and all I have done is surf the web. and smoke pot.. but thats just cuz.. I was gonna be laying here anyways lol.. but better for you because I have some cool pictures. and some super motivation. BUT here is first shit I am going to buy as soon as my dad sends my $$$ for school ( I already paid for it so relax kids). Id say my income taxes too but that has to go to my savings.. I just randomly went on spending sprees. (no thanks for j stano’s blog lol)

These are from liftbigeatbig.com ❤

So super excited. The middle one will be a sweatshirt, in that purple. The purple looks so dope. And I would do the I know squat in a sweatshirt too but I don’t think they have them yet. Gosh do I know how I randomly found this site. :):)

So I ate at 3ish, so eat again at 6ish… but will be at movies at 9.. hmmm… maybe a quick protein shake at 9 or something.. I am going to go make steak and sweet potato fries. A way to kind of end my weekend cheats 🙂 I love sweet potato fries now.. mmmmmm I gotta start eating them raw though.. well cross that bridge when we come to it.. should be cleaning up here soon and then Ill head out.

and heres some lovely motivation :

 Like look at how sexy these ladies are. Why would you NOT want to feel good and look good? Everyone wants to look good but no one wants to do the work ( i think I should of quoted someone there). Yes it does take TIME and PATIENCE, but when you get the ball rolling you get more into it. You get excited, and it doesn’t become like a chore any more. You relearn eating habits that become your lifestyle. You feel good in every aspect of your life. You finally feel like you can breathe.

Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to live HAPPIER and HEALTHIER?????

You guys have no idea what you are doing to your bodies by NOT doing something (EXERCISE/ EAT RIGHT!!)

I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite or a  health maniac but maybe it’ll take someone close to you endure something as scary as a stroke, or learn they have diabetes, to understand how dangerous all the stuff we are consuming on a daily basis actually is!

Open your eyes people, that and put down the fucking mcdonalds garbage (except the cinnamelts eat those as much as you want).. jk lol.

or don’t. and do what you wanna do, because thats what you’ve always done. but told look for sympathy, expect an I told you so.

You guys need to be aware. Forget vanity, looking good is just an added bonus. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

Actually fuck it. The more I think about it. Do what you want. I smoked for 2 years because I wanted too, that and I actually enjoyed smoking the cigeratte FUCK LUNG CANCER! I was anorexic for 2 years because I wanted to be skinny.FUCK OSTEOPOROSIS! I then puked for a few years FUCK AMENORRHEA! hurting myself even more. Then I moved onto binge eating and doing considerable damage to my body. Then I shaped up and stopped being fucking stupid.

But honestly, that was my route. Do as you please. Inject your steroids. Smoke crack. The older you get your looks fade, the older you get your health fades. In the end were all fucked. So keep blacking out on the weekends and doing stupid shit. To each their own.

Thank God you’re reading my blog. 😉

655pm I’m talking to a kid i don’t want to talk too and a guy that broke my heart (and was “the reason” I went on the worst binge of my life) texted me for the first time in months… awkward.. **** ACTUALLY*** THis is the reason my title is the way it is. FUCK THESE GUYS WHO THINK THEY CAN MANIPULATE YOU!!. Low self esteem can be easily taken advantage of. I will stand strong in my relationships with people, and more importantly the relationship I have with food. fuck that shit. seriously. and to all the dumbasses that are with significant others and are unhappy WTFFFFFFF?!?!?!?!??! Actually fuck that.. thats a whole nother blog. Def not now. My eyelids are closing and I have to go watch a movie in an hour.

Not worth mentioning in detail any person mentioned above. lol

Just ate my steak and sweet potatoes will be posting a pic obviously lol because it looked sooo good.. finishing up, actually Ill just post it before I go to the movies.

Project X and Im getting a huge ass diet coke. UHHHHHHHHH can’t fucking wait. Ill miss not getting popcorn though. I do remember hiding chicken and tuna in my bag when I was doing my show last year lol.. That was always awkward. Tuna really doesn’t smell sometimes.

Ok okokok. SO i didn’t cook any of my food, except more steak. so tomorrow Im going to have to bring broccoli or starve all day. I will make the meatballs tomorrow. MAYBEEEEE make the pizookie when I get home (probably NOT), that or make it before leg day not Tuesday. Anywho.. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I was a lazy ass as usual. Seriously I’m going to church with or without her next week.

and because Im doing back tomorrow ..

Goodnight ❤

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Day 26 only cheating myself.

My pants from gap, that didnt fit now fit. Ok they dont “fit”: but I’m wearing them . HAHA.. anyways been pretty busy. I ate 2 cookies last night. I was going to eat more but I feel asleep (THANK YOU GOD SO MUCH). It’s either bc of my period or the fact that I smoked pot. Yes I smoke pot and Yes I am thinking of quitting. Right now this is where I need full dedication/motivation and I don’t think I’m all there yet. I will be, this is a work in progress and I will take it one day at a time.

I should be upset. I’m not. I went almost 30 days without “cheating.” I am SO so proud of myself.

I didn’t even really put much thought into this title, until now. Realizing that I should of put it for (what really is tomorrows blog) but noticing I kind of fucked up today (yesterday LOL) too. The reason I am not emphasizing on my bad days is because the more that I sit there and ask myself why, the more that I feel like I have a problem. I am overcoming it even if I do have one. But I need to fucking learn how to forgive myself. I can’t take back the food I eat (NO ED!), I can only r e s o l v e the issue. Work it off, hate myself for it, or nothing. I would usually hate myself for it AND do nothing. That obvious’y didn’t work. I realize that when or what I do only cheats myself. No one else is going to care so I have to. I have to CARE about myself. If only you were taught these things at a younger age … :/

930am Protein shake

1030am Lara Bar

1230-1pm Whole foods?

2pm Haven’t eaten yet. Not having a good day.

Oh and officially broke the zipper off to these pants.

230pm 1/2 chicken breast

300pm other 1/2 of the chicken breast

Black Bean Brownies Recipe

Nutritional Info: 85 calories, 1g fat, 16g carbs, 4g protein (without optional sugar)

Servings: 9

Description:

Dense, fudge-y and ultra-healthy, these brownies are a great alternative to traditional brownies! It’s amazing how they taste like chocolate and fudge and not beans! Chef’s Notes: Rolled oats run through the food processor may substituted for the instant oats. Use optional sugar if your bananas are still green and not very ripe.

Ingredients:

  • 15 ounces black beans, drained and rinsed
  • 2 whole bananas
  • cup agave nectar
  • ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa
  • 1 tbsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • ¼ cup raw sugar (optional)
  • ¼ cup instant oats

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease an 8×8″ pan and set aside. Combine all ingredients, except oats, in a food processor or blender and blend until smooth, scrapping sides as needed. Stir in the oats and pour batter into the pan. Bake approximately 30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool before slicing. Chef’s Note: if you find these brownies are too soft or too fudge-y, add another 1/4 cup oats or flour.

and I am making this as soon as I get home from Cardio – From ChocolateCoveredKatie (whom I love)..

Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pizookie

(gluten free!)

Obviously inspired by the Deep-Dish Cookie Pie.

  • 2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin (or butternut squash or sweet potato)
  • 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 and 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 3 T canola oil (or coconut oil)
  • 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (You can try adding less sugar, if you’re used to healthy desserts; I chose to use this much because the people to whom I served it are used to “normal” desserts. Also, white sugar will work if you don’t have brown. Also: I know some readers have successfully made my original pie with agave.)
  • 1 cup chocolate chips

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. (Blend until it’s super-smooth.) Mix in chips, and pour into a pan. (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want a really deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

If desired, you can top this pie with Vanilla Ice Milk.

&

Vanilla Ice Milk :

  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • very scant 1/16 tsp salt (don’t omit)
  • sweetener (such as 1 stevia packet or 1T sugar)
  • 1 cup almond milk (I used unsweetened Silk. See below for substitution notes.)
  • optional: add-ins such as fruit, peanut butter, or extracts

Mix the ingredients together in 1 or 2 shallow plastic containers. Freeze. (You could also use an ice cube tray.) Once frozen, pop the blocks out of the container (I thaw for 30 seconds in the microwave first) and blend in your Vita-Mix. (If you don’t have a vita-mix, you’ll probably have to thaw longer, but you can still get a yummy ice milk.)

This ice cream—when made with almond milk—has a very light texture (perfect for summer). For a creamier texture that’s more like real ice cream, try using at least 1/4c canned coconut milk (or maybe even creamer?). You can, of course, also sub other non-dairy milks for the almond. But if you do this, play around with the amount of vanilla extract, sweetener, and add-ins. (For example, an already-sweetened milk will probably need less added sweetener.) To make it look like real ice cream, see the “ice cream trick” link at the very bottom of this post.

Nutritional Info:

  • Calories: 40
  • Fat grams: 3
  • Sugar grams: 0

Probably gonna make all this tomorrow.

I passed out last night after I went to Whole Foods and jewel last night. Spent $100. 😦 lol. then came home and literally didn’t really do anything. Just passed out. So I’m writing this today lol.

But for my blogging experience,

Goodnight ❤

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Day 17 There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

— Beverly Sills


Hard work, dedication, and the ability to stay positive through ups and the downs.  No shortcuts.

If you can imagine it, do it. You will never regret it.

745am I’m running late, because I stayed up a bit later then I would of liked too.. I’m throwing on any clothes that I think would look reasonable and that actually match (I’ve walked out with 2 different boots before, luckily both were black). While I was getting ready I realized that I felt good. My sweater fitted a little looser, and my thighs look like they are thinning out. I mean.. I would hope I see results considering its been 2 weeks.

HOWEVER! This is important to people weight training. PLEASE.. PLEASE DO NOT use the scale for weight loss progress. You will feel defeated EVERY TIME (especially people with disorders and OCD). Just because you weigh more on the scale doesn’t mean exercising and eating right isn’t doing anything. Muscle weighs more then fat. I promise, just keep going.

830am Finished my protein shake in the morning on my way to work.. I work 45 min away from home, so I have a lot of time to think. I usually am such a basket case that I can never had a finished thought, but I’m trying to understand weight loss, and why so many people refuse to change.

Is it because we don’t like change? Or we don’t like change when it comes to ourselves? Is it because food is just so DAMN good? No motivation? No reason too? Don’t care? Too lazy? Not enough time?

Well.. everyone does everything because of something =D

Smokers smoke cigs because they are addicted to nicotine.  Alcoholics drink alcohol because they are addicted to it. Anorexics don’t eat because they are afraid of the image starring back at them.. Bulimics puke because they want there cake and ….well you know.  Men eat whatever they want because they assume metabolism means fatty foods don’t have the same effect as they do for everyone else.

  1. Heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes doesn’t care if you have a fast metabolism and don’t gain weight from that double cheeseburger extra fry from Mcdonalds, everyday.
  2. Eating like shit only hurts you.
  3. Healthy eating doesn’t have to suck.
  4. STOP BEING LAZY!

Not enough time? Why use that excuse? I don’t give a rats ass what you do all damn day, if you have 24 hours to breathe, you have 24 hours to get your life back. I can understand to an EXTENT but I am gone for 10 hours a day, go to class for 2 and 1/2 hours, and work out everyday AND make my food for each meal from SCRATCH ALL NATURAL FOODS. soo….. what the fuck?

It’s fine though, I’m not here to preach, I am just trying to understand this ridiculous thought process. I just know more then half of the people out there don’t like how they look naked, but a small majority of those people will actually do something about it.

It’s like if they don’t see results in 3 days they don’t think anythings working.. Well my friend, it took more then 3 days to put it on didn’t it?
Exactly.

Am I the only one that thinks this is common sense?

Maybe it’s not, but hey that’s why I’m here right? To teach people how to live healthy.

I’m sorry. I guess it just bugs me. If you are going to complain about the way you look, or treat people with disrespect because YOU AREN’T HAPPY with yourself, do everyone a favor and cut it out. You can be happy too. I mean who wouldn’t want to love themselves?

Am I being ignorant here? Honestly? I know people can love themselves at any weight and as long as YOU ARE happy and healthy I think you can be whatever size your little heart pleases to be, but if you constantly fight an upward battle with yourself PLEASE ask for help. You have to want to change in order to accept the help, but any step towards a better you is a step worth taking.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

I have these quote hanging in my room and its so beautiful I smiled when it fit perfectly here.. And its true. I honestly cringe to think about all the hate in this world and how people are living day to day in such depression. I have been to the lowest lows, and thought things would never get better. Obviously I was wrong. I’m here today with a huge smile and such passion for life now it makes me giddy just thinking about how things have changed AND HOW THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR YOU TOO! You just have to believe that, and it’s the honest to God’s truth. I hope from reading my blog I can make you believe in yourself. I can’t make you change, but I can help with the understanding that you can do what you set your heart to do ❤

ANNNNNDDDDDDD that’s that. LOL.

941am & I am already starving. Awesome. I had 1/4 of a coconut cream pie Lara Bar when I was walking in and now I’m drinking tea till 10am, when I have to take a retarded class to set shit up for work. Then I have to study Chapter 8 in between breaks today because I don’t actually think I know anything about chapter 8. Maybe I’ll get lucky on the multiple choice 😉

Because I am online ALL the time during work, I found a bad ass recipe for a RAW BROWNIE w/ 5 ingredients. Fucking AWESOME.

The Raw Brownie
Ingredients:
2 cups whole walnuts
2 ½ cups Medjool dates, pitted
1 cup raw cacao
1 cup raw unsalted almonds, roughly chopped
¼ tsp. sea salt

Directions:
1. Place walnuts in food processor and blend on high until the nuts are finely ground.
2. Add the cacao and salt. Pulse to combine.
3. Add the dates one at a time through the feed tube of the food processor while it is running. What you should end up with is a mix that appears rather like cake crumbs, but that when pressed, will easily stick together (if the mixture does not hold together well, add more dates).
4. In a large bowl (or the pan you plan on putting the brownies in), combine the walnut-cacao mix with the chopped almonds. Press into a lined cake pan or mold. Place in freezer or fridge until ready to serve (it is also easier to cut these when they are very cold). Store in an airtight container.

My New Roots

I can NOT wait to try this ❤

2pm I FINALLY ATE! I was on a conference call for 2 hours, trying to set these credit card terminals up. One would work the other wouldn’t.. I then had to do one 4 times over entering ZD&YQ7&YF% lol over and over, pressing enter.. fuck.. then I had to go pick up a car 30 min away.. then go to my bank to pull money out (dont know where the fuck my debit cards are again…..), then headed to whole foods. LOL. I am so bad :/

Blackened Chicken Breast and Zucchini AND half of a lara bar (:)

Holy shit still haven’t studied.

Did I mention I work next to a huge bread factory?

Do you know how good fresh bread smells?

F
M
L

It’s 9:22pm. I wasn’t even going to finish this blog tonight because I am so unhappy.

  1. I totally failed my test
  2. I exceeded my calorie intact

Fuck #1 I don’t even care. It was bogus but what the fuck with #2 really????

I ate myself retarded in peanut butter and had some tuna then later I went down to eat cranberries. I just didn’t want to stop.  WAIT OMG! AND I HAD SWEET POTATOES TOO! It wasn’t really anything it was more so I was bored, and maybe SLIGHTLY FUCKING PISSED. I’m not completely upset where I’d ruin everything I worked for but I am not happy with myself AND I came home early enough to work out and I didn’t.

So I am going to bed, otherwise I will just keep eating. 😦

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