Tag Archives: Gym

@ Home Work Out!

Today was boring. Shoot.. there goes my whole point of trying to make this blog more interesting…

The man came over last night and brought me beef jerky. Remember how I said I was way off my macros for the day? 😉 We ended up just chilling for a bit while I peeled his back. LOL. He got super burnt when we went to Wisco and ended up peeling pretty bad. The weirdo that I am had fun for a few minutes. Afterwards we watched t.v and not too long after the boy got hungry. I really don’t have food to feed him because all I eat is like.. cottage cheese and shit so… that was a no go. He kept taunting me with Taco bell ( I have a weird obsession) but when I feel like I am doing really good in the gym, I don’t like back tracking by eating shitty. Well.. that is till I start eating then its like cloud 9 type shit. But regardless, I kept saying no. More so because I am one lazy maddafaker and didn’t want to get out of bed. Sooner or later I ended up feeling bad. Who wants to feel hungry? So I told him I would go but I wasn’t getting anything. We ended up going to Wendys and I got a diet coke and a baked potato with cheese and bacon. Lmao. Well.. if I was short 100g of carbs, I wasn’t any more.. No big deal. I didn’t feel bad nor guilty so it is what it is. We went to bed shortly after.

Smiling because I am a weirdo taking a picture of his peeling skin..

Smiling because I am a weirdo taking a picture of his peeling skin..

You know it looks good :P

You know it looks good 😛

10:30am Woke up.
11:30am Got out of bed and ate a cup of grape nuts (again, weirdly addicted).
12:15pm Started getting ready for work. Took Marley for a walk and made a green smoothie.
This recipe (more so ingredients) is one of my favorites. All I put was a crap ton of spinach, water, 4 strawberries, a 1/2 of a lemon and blended. I think it’s because it has a sour kick to it that I just love.

1:15-2:15pm Got to work and trained a client. We did lower body and I had her do some jump squats as active rests (we only have a 30 min session), but she had to stop because she was getting dizzy. She had eaten before so that wasnt it. I didn’t think much of it (it’s a ballistic movement. anyone could get dizzy over those), but as we sat down to do some core she started talking about how she gets winded easily especially when her heart rate is elevated. I need to do some research and see what common factors could be the result of this.

2:30pm I had an hour before my next apt, which I thought was a lot longer. I planned to work out but for some reason I mistaken my schedule. No big deal. This week I am taking it easy. Adjusting to being overwhelmed and getting my head straight to really start giving it my all. I want to follow my macros that were given to me and see how it may change my body. I am just interested. Progress is always a fun thing to keep track of. All I know is that I have been 150lbs for a while now (I could care less really.. just wish I was a little leaner. 17% body fat is NOT for me), but I AM getting stronger* (I’ll explain this asterisk in another post).

So for my break I ended up walking to GNC. No, correction, I LUNGED to GNC. lmao. I am not kidding. No, not the entire way but I did over 100 lunges. In front of everyone, store fronts, traffic. I don’t care. I picked up some quest bars (GOOGLE THESE IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE. SIMPLY PUT, THEY ARE AMAZING). I am super excited to try their raspberry white chocolate that just came out, but went with my go to’s, brownie apple pie and 1 PB&J.

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3:30pm I trained another client.
4-5:30pm I thought I had off so I went in my car to take a power nap. Little did I know that people get emails for their appointments so me not taking someone out of my schedule, they thought they had a session. I get a call from my boss and asked if I was in the gym. I came back in at 4:30 and trained her. She wasn’t mad or anything. She was confused though but so was I. We talked about skipping this weeks session. But no big deal. I trained her and sat back down to realize I had yet another cancellation at 5:30. So I just waited around.

6-7pm I had 2 more clients, followed by 2 more cancellations. Instead of working out (it’s a cluster fuck at this time), I just packed my stuff up and headed to the grocery store.

I picked up some fruit: bananas (post work out), strawberries and lemons (for green smoothie like mentioned above), and watermelon. I also picked up spinach, kale, greek yogurt, cottage cheese and some chicken. Just my basics I guess..

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Afterwards I came home around 8:30 while my mom was making a pizza. It was one of my new favorites (something weird with goat cheese and if you know anything about me you should know that’s weird as hell that I would be eating something that had some weird cheese on it. But, it was amazing). I had a slice (feel guilty? nah, I only had 50g of carbs today ;P), then went up to my room for a mini work out.
I am not really a fan of working out at home. Don’t ask me why because I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I just like the gym atmosphere. However, I really wanted to do upper body since I have been neglecting my shoulders lately.

Picture taken today.

Picture taken today.

So, I came up with this:

8 rounds-

8 push ups
8 (each arm) shoulder presses (25lb)
8 kettle bell swings (25lbs)
8 lateral raises (10lbs)
8 burpees
8 bw squats (squeezing ass at the top)

I don’t know why I did 8. I really had no idea what I was even going to do.. but this here took me 46 minutes. Can you believe that? I stopped a few times but no more than a minute tops.

Total calorie burn: 343

Going to grab something to eat before I head to bed. It’s already 11pm and I just want to crash.

ZZZZZZZZ

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I’m pretty boring, but hey! It’s all good.

Well.. its one thing after another lately.. Seems that life keeps kicking me when all I’m trying to do is stand up!

But I’m trying to fight back. It’s all I can do. Being proactive about the job search and the opportunities that may come my way. Really just trying to find a job where I continue to do what I love, but also get compensated for it, enough to not only pay my bills but to have SOME what of a life.. because I don’t do anything. Not exaggerating.. I work, workout, eat and sleep. Right now though, it’s not that bad. I don’t mind it because I am truly trying to get ahead in life. I don’t care to go out and drink. I’d rather prove to the world that I have a gift that I’m trying to share!

One day right.. one day.

Having a good start to the weekend though.. Went to work and did my thing, bought some groceries:

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The Essentials: Chicken, Eggs, Greek Yogurt, Cottage Cheese, Bananas and Veggie Chips. I also picked up some grapples (apples that taste like grapes), Arctic Zero Ice cream that has only 150 calories for the entire pint and Skinny Cow Snickerdoodle Ice cream Sandwiches. I’ve tried the Strawberry Shortcake and they were fantastic. The Cookies & Dough Bars are crap, so I will see how the SD ones are. Also want to try the Cookies & Cream Sandwiches but they didn’t have them in stock. Probably because SC has been sold for $6.50 and Walmart was selling them for $3.50!!!! MMMM.. remember.. calories in vs calories out (and everything in moderation!)!!

..arrived home and went for a 5+ mile walk with Marley and my mom. It was nice. We spent about 2 hours and afterwards picked up some salads:

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All my mom was doing was talking about pizza, about a mile left of our walk and I was actually contemplating it as well! Haha.. I can always go for some pizza 🙂 But we chose to do salads instead which is always better.. well.. not always because well.. pizza will ALWAYS be better.. just not.. better for you. lol. Besides, going out for sushi later so I can save my carbs for then 😉

Speaking of carbs and walking, I have been taking some time off from lifting. Nothing too crazy but after that dead lift I was out of commission (lol). That definitely took A LOT out of me and I wasn’t expecting it. It was nice to lift my heaviest but my body took a toll. I suppose it’s a give/take relationship (: It’s not horrible though.. yes I am fiening (sp?) for the gym but taking time off to fully recover is the right thing to do. Some of my clients think working through the pain all the time, never missing a work out, ext is better.. but (not in all cases) it could be working against you. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! If you think you should take some time off, TAKE IT! The gym will always be there. Don’t risk injury for calories being burned. You can always stay active without going to the gym and stressing your body to the max. Go out for a BRISK (yes BRISK) walk, jog a little.. do body weight exercises (squats, lunges, wall sits, planks) during commercials. Just get moving and you don’t have to stress about always making time for the gym. Get creative and working out won’t be so horrible.

I do watch my calories (or how much “bad” stuff) I eat when I don’t make it to the gym. Yes if you are working out in a home gym or with weights you’ll burn more calories but if you can’t make it to the gym DON’T STRESS! Just watch what you’re eating. Stick to clean foods so you don’t feel even more guilty about not walking in the doors of a LA Fitness or X Sport… Because once again, it’s about calories in vs calories out. Just be conscious.. not naive. You know what you should do, shouldnt do.. what to eat, what you “shouldn’t” eat.. Just live your life in moderation and the weight won’t pile on when you stop being as active (especially in times of injury/surgery ext. This is when people gain the most weight. When they physically can’t exercise).

Don’t make exercising a chore, nor limit yourself to a “diet” because you don’t need to! Trust me! Just start eating healthy (foods that are GOOD for you!!!!), go for walks/jogs/runs, join a bike club, SOMETHING to get the heart going and you will start getting more and more motivated by how wonderful you feel 🙂

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If all you get out of this post was that I deadlifted 230lbs, that’s fine.

Have been having some really bad days lately. Mostly because of my attitude towards it all, but it is really hard to stay positive when you are going broke doing what you love to do. I just feel that I am stuck. Even more overwhelmed that I feel stuck in the first place. It’s almost like binging.. One horrible, vicious cycle in which I am doing to myself.

No one is making me stay at this company. No one has a gun to my head telling me I can’t leave.. Yet I feel like trying to find a new job would not entirely help the situation. I would have to find all new clients, go practically paycheckless for 2ish months, literally start from the bottom all over again and I don’t think that makes a lot of sense right now. Hopefully my boss puts in a good word to snag a promotion sooner than later, because I feel like I will have no choice but to leave. I really don’t want to, at least not now. I have a LIST of horrible things this company does, and that I am against but I LOVE personal training, I LOVE my clients. I don’t know.. I really have no idea what to do and I cry myself to sleep every night praying to God to help me through all this.
It has gotten to a point where I have been asking my boyfriend for money to pay my bills.. something I am super ashamed about but something that I appreciate dearly. Hopefully I will get my head out of my ass and will start stepping in the right direction instead of huge piles of shit all the damn time. I just hate being taken advantage of.. I am BUSTING my ass and putting so much thought and effort into every one of my clients, all to get pennies off the dollar. It’s sad.. it really is that a company as big as this one validates paying there trainers a little as they do. It is MIND BLOWING. But I continue to work there.. don’t I? So who the fuck else do I have to blame except, yet again, myself?
The only good I see coming from this experience though, is the thought of starting my own business. I have so many ideas that that alone gets me overwhelmed as well.. but it’s a little piece of hope I continue to hold on too..
Maybe one day..
Now that thats off my chest.. I DEADLIFTED 230lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… a whopping 230 for 2 reps (lol).. After I dropped the weight, I had 3 people come up to me shaking my hand, telling me how impressive it was. I felt famous for like 2.5 seconds and I FREAKING LOVED IT! Granted, I had a spot and I used straps (I have never lifted with straps before but holyhell I can see why people use them. It helped SO much that I am thinking of purchasing a pair.. in pink of course!).. but I did it! I was so happy. So happy that it turned my horribly awful day into a freakin GREAT ONE! I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day lol.. till.. well I got home. I was INSTANTLY sore.. mostly because I lifted the second rep wrong and used my back instead of my legs (WHICH IS DANGEROUS! DO NOT DO!), and spent the rest of the night on a heating pad. The next day (today), was even worse.. Which I knew was going to happen because well.. I have been lifting for a while now and I know damn well the next few days afterwards are incredibly painful lol. I got foam rolled though which will help with the recovery process, but let me tell you.. THAT WAS UNBEARBALE! Now.. I have gotten tattooed on the ribs, and have had my tongue/nose pierced.. but o m g, that had me in tears. I almost had them stop it was that bad.. Shit.. I’m like cringing as I write this lol… So, I took a slight rest day today.. Did a slow pace walk for 40 minutes and continued to stretch through out the day. Over all.. WORTH IT! I really need to start training with a spotter though.. I have so much potential yet don’t lift as heavy as I can in fear I’ll either look like a dumbass or.. I’ll look like a dumbass when the weight comes crashing down on me lol.. Either way.. I know that with someone there that I could lift SOOOOO much heavier and I NEED that. I need to start progressing.. Yes, I am losing weight but it’s not all about that. I just want to get stronger.. Now if only it wasn’t just physically but mentally too..
Ohh.. one step at a time..
girlDeadlift
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Monday 1/83

So yesterday marked the first day of my contest prep, and let me tell you I was a little disappointed.

Slept at the boyfriends on Sunday so it gave me almost an entire hour of extra sleep (I live far from work), so that was nice. Ultimately went about my day as usual as any other. I didn’t eat as much as I would of liked (for some reason my appetite hasn’t been “normal” lately. Going on 2 weeks of being sick), but was still able to consume enough calories to work out.

3 cuttie oranges (idc about fruit sugar this early in prep)
1/2 quest bar
2 chicken breasts with broccoli
1 piece of WW bread with PB
1/2-1c cottage cheese

I got home around 6 and relaxed a bit for an hour and 1/2. Well.. before I got dressed to head out my boyfriend called and said he was going to a bar. Then my friend “forgot” to call me back (when all I wanted to do was just talk to her. I get in weird moods and we play phone tag sometimes but for some reason I just wanted someone to talk to). Checks in @ Xsport with her friend, then at Buffalo Wild Wings with another and apologizes she didn’t call. Well for some reason all this kind of irked me.

Regardless, I headed to the gym and arrived around 7:45pm. I started doing my thing and I could feel my emotions arise. This wasn’t good, but I wasn’t stopping. Instead I started getting more pissed. Pissed at the situations, then pissed at myself for not pushing thru. Well I “gave up” around 8:10.. I just threw in the towel. I walked my sorry ass upstairs to the cardio section and hopped on the treadmill. I finished 45 minutes but that was the end of that work out.

I headed home, ate my meal and got in bed in time for the new Catfish show around 10pm. I was disappointed but at least got something in, even if it wasn’t how I expected my first work out back in 2 weeks.

Laying in bed creeping facebook and instagram, my boyfriend tried calling a couple times, as did Ashley. I ignored both and just wanted to be “alone”. I ended up calling my boyfriend back (and texting Ashley), because as much as I was in my own world I love him dearly. We talked a bit and he wanted me to talk things out with him but the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the reasons I was upset.

That lasted shortly. Something else came up that sparked my insecurities and I just balled. He then continued to tell me how much he loves and adores me but the tears kept falling.

Listen, me telling you I am insecure as fuck doesn’t even scratch the surface. Yes, he has done some things that haven’t made it easy but most of those things wouldn’t of been a problem had I been secure. I just cried. I told him I don’t know if things are going to change, if I am going to change but I know I can’t live like this. It hurts so much, and again… doing this to myself.

HE LOVES ME. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM!??!?!??!?!?! I have never been with someone like him, someone who doesn’t mind reminding me why they love me or how much they love me. When it all comes down to it, it’s me.

..and I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything I can do. Will I be like this forever? All I know is that I love this man so much. So much that any attention he puts out to another human, I am envious of. It’s sick and I am embarrassed.

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Another day in the life..

After another shit show of a weekend I am done contemplating my relationship with Mike. Even after all the bullshit we have been through, I am done worrying. I am done over thinking, over analyzing, simply wasting my time. I am done with it all. I have finally come to the conclusion that we are with out a doubt 100% in love with each other. I obviously know he loves me and that I love him, but after this weekend I feel it.. Most likely because we get put in situations where he professes his love for me time and time again, but the reassurance is so comforting it takes all the doubt away.

I won’t go into the details of our little rendezvous but just know that it was well worth it.

Besides that, my weekend was actually pretty decent. Friday night I just went to the gym for a little bit then came home and passed out around 1120pm. Saturday woke up around 7am in time to wake the boyfriend up to head to the shop by 8. After he was taken care of, I usually pass back out but instead I tidied up a bit and headed back to the gym. I am finally starting to see progress which always makes me a little happy inside and always a good start to my constant need of motivation. After the gym I finished up my laundry and took an hour power nap. Woke up and headed out to Ashley’s house. Picked her up and went to Target for a few things I needed to get for Christmas presents. We are the worst when it comes to shopping.. we literally want e v e r y t h i n g (example: see photo below) 😉

See? New slippers from Target :)

See? New slippers from Target 🙂

Meaning we looked around the entire store at which point my stomach was getting painfully hungry. She had ideas of pizza and obviously had she caught me at a “idgaf” time I would of agreed, however I wanted to stay clean. We went to Jason’s Deli and I got a whole wheat wrap with turkey and tomatoes (ranch on the side) with some steamed veggies.

Turkey wrap!

Turkey wrap!

We then went back to her place and just chilled for a few hours while we figured out what we wanted to do. Her brother and some friends were going bowling but I wasn’t about to decline plans with my boyfriend to hang out with a bunch of guys.. that sure as fuck wouldn’t of went down smoothly so instead we waited till around 10pm to get ready to go out to a bar a town or two over. She ended up curling my hair (I have naturally curly hair and hate it.. so the entire time I was said she can’t get pissed if I don’t like it haha).. but I did and it looked cute even if my outfit didn’t.. (I wasn’t planning on going out so yes.. I looked like a scumbag). We left around 1130pm and met up with my boyfriend and a few of his friends. Ashley wasn’t drinking and I didn’t plan on it.. but of course I took a shot.. then another.. but only ended up taking 4 which is good for me.

The boyfriend and I at the Donkey Inn on Saturday.

The boyfriend and I at the Donkey Inn on Saturday.

After the spiff we encountered, I got home around 6am and passed out instantly, fully clothed and all. Slept till 2pm then headed home. I didn’t eat anything till my boyfriend came over around 6pm when we went to a sushi place down the street. We ordered about 4 rolls and was actually pretty happy with the place.

The 3rd from the left, nikko, was our favorite.

The 3rd from the left, nikko, was our favorite.

After dinner, he likes something sweet, so we headed about 10 miles away to get some frozen yogurt. Always a good time with the boyfriend (fat kids at heart). Went back to my place and we had a quiet evening. Over all the weekend went well and nothing to complain about.

Berry Simple Frozen Yogurt <3

Berry Simple Frozen Yogurt ❤

I am however super excited for another week to kick my ass in the gym so Mondays aren’t all that bad anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love not doing anything but I’ve said before, when I get motivated it’s game over. All I want to do is prep my meals and slave away at the gym day in and day out. It’s a natural high and I feel so great and accomplished the next morning. See.. THIS is the cycle that I need, not the one I’ve been accustomed to lately. But nothing to worry about, I got this shit.

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Some motivation please!

Motivational Monday eh? Seems about right. Had a shit show of a weekend again resulting in me getting arrested for the 2nd time in the last 3 months. I won’t go into detail about the way the Rosemont police department treated my boyfriend and I only because I have court Dec 13 and will explain from start to finish when I hear the verdict of our court case. My voice WILL be heard.

Any who I want to keep this post simple and to the point. I had a lovely lady text me needing motivation to get back in the gym. At which point I sent a sexy girl on stage just trying to make her laugh when she went further into detail. She explained that she gained a lot of weight and its hard to get back in the gym because its embarrassing. And its true, its such a horrible feeling to have to leave in the middle of a workout because I feel worthless unmotivated, like I’m getting no where. The thing is, is I was getting somewhere. It doesn’t take a day, wont even take a month but as long as you know that every day you are a day closer to feeling better about yourself, you need to hang on.

I have left mid leg press. Tears streaming down my face not giving a FUCK who saw and just walking out because I was so overwhelmed. Finishing 15 minutes of cardio and thinking I am wasting my time. Binging and not working out because of it. I’ve been through all of it and still to this day knowing what needs to be done in order for me to be happy, keeps me going. We all start somewhere, you just have to. It’s going to be hard, its going to suck you’re going to be tired and cranky most likely hungry, but in the end I rather be tired because of two a days at the gym then spending hours upon hours hating myself, hating the person I let myself become.

It sucks to have to write this. I tend to be the one that motivates others and its hard to help when I have been living in self doubt for awhile now. Its like listen to what I say because it will help, but I can’t seem to help myself right now. But I have been, for the last few days maybe even the last 2 weeks I have been putting a lot more effort into myself because it just got unbearable. The only thing I can say is that I hope everyone kicks their own ass and sticks with eating healthy and working out because once you let yourself slip into your old habits its hard to kick them. You get feelings that are beyond describable to where you just want to curl up in bed under the covers and sleep the day away. Ive had many days like this. Ive had days where my attitude changes in the blink of an eye because of my weight. I have skipped going out and enjoying life and friends and a good time all because my clothes didn’t fit right or I’m bloated from drinking a diet coke. My life hasn’t been easy. I’ve dealt with everything from anorexic bulimia and binge eating.I can pick myself apart better than anyone out there, living a life of self worthlessness but I know what I am capable of. and just because I am unhappy with myself right now doesn’t mean I am giving up. I’m ready to work hard.. I’m ready to give it my all. I want to be happy because I achieved something not wallow in my own self pity, but you know what that involves? The first step.

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Tequila Tuesday!

Okay, no tequila for me.. but for the guys at work it is!

on a different note..

I feel like I had a lot to say (and was excited to say it) but now I don’t remember any of it. Maybe because I am going back and forth with some jerk off via my work email. Told me I have “no right to be answering phones” because in the end of it all, we figured out hes asking the wrong company (us) for money. Now that’s my fault how? lol

Any who FINALLY FUCKING SORE!!! Hell fucking yes! Legs last night were KILLER. Literally shaking, then cramping so I couldn’t go as heavy as I’d like on the leg ext. No big deal. Completed 30 min of cardio though 🙂 Oh! I think the next blog or two is going to be about my eating schedule (macros broken down), but also with all the products I use and which companies ext. I find a lot of cool shit on the internet (because I have nothing better to do), and I shop online ALL day.

The Food Log

9am PBJ Quest Bar
12pm Chopped salad with grilled chicken from Portillos
3pm Chicken and Mix Veggies
6pm Hmmm.. I brought Ezekiel pasta with ground turkey burger… but I don’t know how I feel about this being a pre work out meal.. hmmm…
9pm (Post Work out meal) 1 slice of Ezekiel bread, Greek yogurt, and almond butter
12pm Casein Shake

(Had one last night too. I knew I’d be up later then 9pm lol).

The Work Out

BACK ATTACK!!!

Super excited for back today. I wanted to get it as close to Quad day as possible (you use your back in most exercises pertaining to you hamstrings, so I don’t want to be sore when it’s time to lift them!!)

Focusing on form, and engaging the core. KEEP YOUR CORE TIGHT! If you constantly thinking about keeping your belly button towards your spine, your posture will better and your core WILL strengthen.

Lat Pull down
2x12x70lbs
1x10x80lbs
2x8x90lbs

Unilateral Row
4 sets of 10-12 till failure

Lawnmowers

5 sets
Max 15 reps. Up weight as needed.

ABBBBBBSSSSS (Can’t wait for these babies to be back!)

Recipe of the day:

From ChocolateCoveredKatie’s blog (I love her)!

1 Minute Coffee Cake

For the batter:

  • 3 tbsp spelt flour (or white. For gf: a commenter had success with 1 tbsp rice flour and 2 tbsp almond flour.)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/16 tsp salt
  • 1 stevia packet (or 1/32 tsp pure) or 1 tbsp sugar
  • 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp water
  • 2 tsp oil or melted margarine or applesauce (I prefer the oil/margarine, but that’s simply because I’m not a fan of fat-free baked goods.)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

For the streusel: (If you like a lot of streusel, feel free to double all ingredients below.)

  • 1/8 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 and 1/4 tsp sucanat or brown sugar
  • 1/4 to 1/2 tsp oil or melted margarine (once again, use applesauce if a fat-free version is desired)
  • tiny, tiny pinch salt
  • 2 pecan halves (or walnut halves)

(If using an oven, preheat to 330 F.) Combine batter dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet and mix until just mixed. In a tiny bowl, combine all streusel ingredients. Fill a greased muffin tin 1/2 way with the batter (or a ramekin or mug, if using the microwave). Sprinkle on two-thirds of the streusel, then spoon the remaining batter on top. Finally, sprinkle on the rest of the streusel. Cook 12-13 minutes in the oven, or around 1 minute in the microwave. (Microwave times may vary.)

Super fucking excited to try this recipe. I won’t make it till this weekend but for all of you lovies, here it is! This is what I NEEDED!!!! I could eat a whole coffee cake from Corner Bakery. Wow. Let’s google it and actually see the nutrition facts:

One slice of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake has 770 Calories 310 Calories from fat, a whopping 108 grams of carbs and 61 grams of sugar. Holy Fuck. And to think I wouldn’t. LOL.. Would not think TWICE about going back for seconds or even thirds. No lie there.

Sad huh? I think when I start thinking about things in a “bigger picture” type way, I see it differently. I have seen myself do this lately with money, but lets keep it weight related.  A pound of fat is 3500 calories. If I were to consume roughly 4 and 1/2 pieces of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake, that would equal 3500 calories. Now this isn’t taking into consideration other food you MAY consume, or exercise. So if you eat more after those 5 pieces, and decide you don’t want to work out, watch the lbs add on quickly!

..and to think I use to eat 2 or 3 candy bars in A SITTING! Literally a king size twix, maybe a 500 calorie brownie here, an oreo milkshake there. Holy. Fuck. My mom was right. I SHOULD weigh 200+ lbs. Unbelievable. And now I have to “punish” myself to get where I SHOULD be. I shouldn’t look/feel this way. I feel fucking GROSS!

😦 Subject change please!!!!!!

I like nice people. lol. Honestly, niceness goes along way. I just had to take a car over to alignment a few blocks from here. A little miscommunication and technically I was stranded there. I called Mike to come grab me but he wasnt answering. Ron just told me to go. Like kinda yelled then told me to wait then was like GO GO GO .. okay. So I went. He was like.. youre dropping the car right? nope.. I was by myself.. so the owner was like just take my car (knowing my boss he would of been like, I told you to drop it off.”.. but he really didnt. But see? He didnt need to do that. What a geniunely NICE guy. I miss you guys.. where did you all go?

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Tomorrow you said yesterday.

730am Sunday Morning..


Had thoughts about not caring about what I eat today (I am currently on a two week “binge”). I think the reason for this is because I normally start on Mondays, the beginning of the week. Or on an even numbered day. Yes. I had bad OCD when I was in the midst of my eating disordered days. I was an even girl. Volume on the TV was the worst :/ Oh, that and counting my steps. Probably why I ALWAYS look down.. I don’t know nor do I care to go in depth because I am over it 🙂
 
Off topic once again (my ADD lol) I don’t want to. I want to feel sexy again.
 
Now listen, I’m not fat, and I haven’t gained THAT much weight back from a few weeks ago..BUT I am in the uncomfortable stage..which I think I should set limits to (WHICH IS NOT GOOD I MIGHT ADD!). I don’t know my weight and I don’t think I would weigh myself till I KNEW the number would be acceptable..(yes I am starting to sound like I use too)..but honestly bare with me. Before back when I binged, I ate so much and was so uncomfortable bloated that I honestly thought the only thing I could do was puke it up. But I would ALWAYS stop myself. I thought that if I started back with my old tendencies that it would be like when I quit smoking cigs, one day I ONLY HAD A DRAG and I bought a pack the next day (thanks Meredith you asshole!)..but thats what I thought. I thought if I stuck my fingers down my throat that I would fall back to my bulimic days. Which I think I am still suffering from..my acid reflux has never been the same, but the biggest thing is the enamel on my teeth.It is literally stripped (I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I was told I had gum cancer..because I could press on my gums and they’d bleed).
 
Alright I am getting off topic ONCE again. Today is going to be prep day. My sister is leaving for her dads today so I can finally get all organized again. My meals will for the most part be all cooked. Well see how much I even got on my last Whole Foods trip. I am so broke right now it is actually getting a little scary. After the competition, then this damnlawyer shit..it’s all my fault but it sucks. I am literally working for free right now. Fuck anyways.. My personal life is affecting my overall fitness goals and that sucks. I am trying to separate the two, and after my court date I think I am going to definitely make the right changes in order to do so.

The Food Log

8am 1/2 cup greek yogurt with 1 tbs almond butter on a piece of ezekiel bread.
11am PB and J Quest Bar.
2pm- Any protein veggie mix (could have a carb if I'd like).
530pm- Protein and veggie mix.
9pm- Caesin Shake .
Yes I know I posted this and its not the end of the day but it’s sunday and I can control what meals I have and when. This will be my food log for the day. I just wanted to send out the blog before noon, hopefully get more followers asking questions :):)

The Workout

Hack Squat
5 sets total 12,12,10,8,8
Supersetted with
Wall Sits
5 sets total 30-45 seconds each.
Front Squat
50lb start, rep till failure
Superset w/Single Legged Squat
BW 8-10 reps EACH leg
Leg Ext
85lbs ^
 


Staying positive for the next few days to come. Will take it day by day, but I know I'll get there.
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The ever so anticipated progress pictures:

No explanations, no validations no more disclaimers (besides this one, that is)..

After AM show this is what I ate….

and then this is what I looked like (bloated) after breakfast..

…..btw have NO idea why my pictures are turning sideways and upside down lol. I apologize.

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well hello there.. *waves*

So as you obviously may know it is not the 13th (the day I said I would return), but I just approved a comment from a lovely person asking me to not give up and continue blogging about my experience (and it put the BIGGEST smile on my face), so I just might.

I do have a lot 3 different posts that are just sitting in my all posts section either waiting to be posted or perhaps may sit unpublished forever (who knows). However I think it is a good idea to blog about my last week of contest prep since the last two are probably the most important.

In an unpublished post I explained my reasoning behind stopping the blog for a moment, but since this one will be sent out first I’ll explain again.. The reason I was put this blog on hold was because I had no time. The time that I did have in between other things, I was closing my eyes to try and get minutes of something I think people call sleep. This last week are my finals, so I had a 12 page paper due Friday. I wrote it but I never turned it in. Why? because I hate the teacher and I am going to take the class over again. I have a homework assignment due today (sunday), a 3 hour exam on Monday, a 3 hour exam (that I don’t know If I am going to for psychology) on Wednesday, and my sports nutrition paper due that Wednesday as well. Okay..so this is all happening around the most crucial part of competing. Not to mention I work a 9-5 at a body shop where all I do is babysit, but thats besides the point. I am at the gym at 6am to do cardio, work, class, back to the gym again for a lift and 30-45 min of cardio. You can tell I am drained.

So. Those are my excuses and I apologize. I did find time today (and after I read that beautiful comment), I decided to do a little update status. Granted I believe I will post a little more during the week, but please don’t think they are going to be as detailed as the last ones lol. I never knew blogging actually took as much time as it does.. Oh naive little Marissa.

ALRIGHTY!!!!! So.. down to the last week.

Progress Pictures:

Sorry.. my ab picture isn’t showing up.. its all upside down :/

..and yes my ass did get smaller…….

 

The Food Log:

I will be consuming spinach, broccoli, asparagus, chicken, ground turkey and MAYBE tuna. lol. But yep, hows that for a diet? lol.. and yes this is a “diet” my lifestyle however is NOT. please do not mix and twist my words. Diets suck. My lifestyle is enjoyable.

Check list: Bikini, Heels, Tickets, Bottle of Tanning Lotion, Sponges, Bikini Bite, Fake Eye Lashes.

Still Need:

  • Hotel Reservations.
  • Rental Car.
  • NPC Card.
  • Mac Makeup.
  • Hair cut/dyed.

Everything else will fall into place. This is what the rest of the week looks like..

Monday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam, Gym again.
Tuesday: Early Cardio, Work, Hair Cut, Gym again.
Wednesday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam/Paper, Gym again.
Thursday: Early Cardio, Work, Nails, Gym again.
Friday: Early as FUCK cardio (MAYBE), Tan, Check in @ USA gym, do nothing.
Saturday: SHOW TIME! Tan, Makeup, Hair, 1030am Prejuding, 5-6pm Night Show.
Sunday: PIG THE FUCK OUT!
Monday: Back to normal 🙂

So my life is a little hectic, but at least I found time to breathe right? Everything is going alright I suppose. The bikini is a little small for my doing, but I will just rock it anyways (spent $150 on it and its non returnable lol).. really just wanting this all to be over so I can go back to my normal way of living lol. I am just now always on a schedule and I have NO time to even take a step back and calm myself (which isn’t good.. stress= cortisol)..

but I have been thinking ALOT about after the show.

I am really hard on myself, and with my past of bingeing I have always let myself go after a contest prep. Some do, some don’t, but this year I won’t. I am healthier and stronger and wiser then last year. I did this just to do it, but NO award, no trophy, not even placing won’t do a damn thing to how I will live my life after all this. I usually ALWAYS need a reason to “diet”.. oh I’m  training for a show, or even it being the beginning of a new week, I just always needed a reason.. well.. not anymore.. Living how I have been living for these past 3 months has changed something in me.. something that has been wrong for awhile. I FEEL my work outs in the gym. I squeeze my muscles and actually feel the power when I lift the weights, it is so stress relieving. These endorphins are incredible. I love feeling how I feel when I am working out, or even just feeling healthy. It is SUCH a difference, and this is coming from someone who HATED themselves years ago. Time changes a lot of things, so does actually caring about yourself/body.

Anywho, that was a quick update for y’all.. I am sure I will be posting more (the last few days you don’t really do much but lay around because your energy is so low).. but I do want everyone to know that you can do this. Trust me.. it was 3 months of solid hard work, but when I show you these pictures that NO ONE has ever seen before (and yes they will probably get used against me some time in this cyber world which is OKAY with me), you will understand what I am talking about. I was FAT. No joke… and yes it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies but this is the outcome of hard work. The food did not suck (just be smart, healthy doesn’t have to mean shitty tasting!!!), but getting up and HAVING to move and sweat and burn, did. Working out isn’t always fun and you sometimes may not want to, but the rewards that come when you do are so worth it. Just remember.. it didn’t take a day to put it on, so be patient.

Thanks guys for all the love and support. ❤

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