Tag Archives: hard work

Barely scratching the surface. 

My life is a disaster (imagine that) but I look like I have my shit together. I am quite possibly in the best shape of my life, and it’s probably from treading water for 25 years. I am however staying positive (with an occasional hiccup here and there), and I believe that’s why I’ve managed to stay afloat. 

I am currently eating around 2200 calories a day. No cycling (nutrition wise) just keeping my macros constant and my sugar low. The biggest thing I have changed is, I’ve added spinning into my program. I am addicted. I am on a 30 day streak and my goal is 9 more till my birthday (8/14). That will bring my total of spin classes starting from 6/14-8/14 to 54 rides in 2 months. Adding that type of “cardio” has completely shaped my body. Now, before I say anything else I want to comment on how cardio is not the answer, it’s only part of the equation. It should compliment your routine not complicate it. Meaning, don’t over do it if your nutrition sucks. I’m serious. 

Under eating and over working will not work in your favor. It might on the scale side of things, but the scale is meaningless. The scale is only important in the fact that you need it for the sole purpose of calculating your body fat percentage. I am the heaviest I have ever been (sitting around 150#), but in the best shape I’ve ever been in.       
..With that being said, I’m working on a project. It’s my last attempt to give this fitness industry a try. I’ve been in it for awhile and slowly losing patience for people who find having a personal trainer as something to brag about instead of a tool for getting healthier. No one wants to put in the work, I take that back. People WILL do the work, yet won’t budge on their “diet”. It’s impossible to out train a bad one. I tried. Eating crap made me feel like crap. I still looked decent but I was weak and sluggish. My legs felt heavy and I was constantly tired. All I am trying to do is spread my knowledge to whoever will listen and take charge of their lives. I want people to give a shit. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, yall have been with me through it all, so I know it’s not always a walk in the park. However, coming to see me for a training session smelling like McDonald’s, is probably not going to yield you the results you’re looking for. I don’t mind ups and downs because Id be naive to think otherwise, but I don’t want people to give up. I don’t want people to waste my time. It’s annoying and I take way too much pride in this to be disrespected. 

I’m struggling, in and out but I will not give up. Who the fuck is with me? 

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I’ve seen better days.

Of course, its been 3 days since I last posted. Things have been hectic to say the least. Waking up at 4am the past few days and working till 9pm for a company that doesn’t deserve my time, is stressful. That being said, I am actively working towards my own business. No more just saying, but doing. Nerve racking like once said previously, but defiantly motivating in a way.

Other than work, my work outs have been solid and I am currently still doing fantastic on my 4 week no cheat challenge. I am seeing progress and I couldn’t be happier. Yes, I could be a lot leaner but I am keeping my strength which is huge for me. I still don;t know whether or not I want to compete in Nov, but I am definitely going to keep training and eating like I am. I think the only thing that will stop me is the money. It is NOT cheap to compete. It is also very time-consuming and at this very moment I have my college’s homepage up on another tab, hoping to get in some classes. I always have such a positive outlook on things and then instantly I am discouraged. I am hoping I can get my shit together and keep trucking through.

My progress picture.

My progress picture.

My work out partner, looking fly.

My work out partner, looking fly.

I haven’t been writing down or keeping track of what I have been eating. Hopefully, after downloading the My Fitness Pal app, that it will encourage me to do so. It will be interesting and helpful, so why not? Today, however, I ate:

1/2 c oatmeal with blueberries at 4:30am.Mixed in 1/2 Quest Bar at 4:45am.
6 egg whites at 8am.
1/2 c brown rice, broccoli and 6 oz chicken at 12pm.
4 egg whites, a little chicken at 2:30pm.
2 kashi waffles with a few blueberries at 3:00pm.
1/2c greek yogurt at 5:00pm.
6oz chicken and broccoli at 8pm.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

photo 5

and so far that is it 🙂 I wonder how much this all adds up to. The app is currently downloading so we shall see. Still sticking around 150lbs. Haven’t lost or gained a pound. I don’t know if I am happy or sad about this. LOL. BUTTT I do have 16 weeks till the show and that is a LONG time. I haven’t been doing cardio, nor paid attention to my calorie intake which is important. I guess I’m just in no rush.

Poor Bunny :(

Poor Bunny 😦

Other than work and working out, which has been my whole life the last 3-5 months, my personal life is just okay. Besides having a cat constantly killing baby bunnies (not kidding. I rushed one to the hospital so it could be put out of its misery), I am having issues with the boyfriend, mostly because of the lack of trust. Though, I am going to stay strong and positive even if it kills me. I just wish life was easier. I deal with scumbags all day and I can only imagine what goes on when I;m not there. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I keep wanting to throw it back up. I mean, one day I am all fine an awesome girlfriend, the next I want to break up with him. I just think it would be easier, for both of us. I mean.. it’s not fair (what is?) to either of us. Me not being happy because I can’t get over shit that replays in my head over and over, and for him.. how I treat him and want to break up with him all the time. I hate to put my bullshit out in the air like this ,but it is what it is. I am venting and little do you know, that my personal life affects my work/working out life. It is a constant struggle and each and every emotion I feel, does not get ignored (unfortunately). That is all. If you don’t like it, no one told you to read it.

I just want a happy life with you. Only you. Forever. I know we have a lot to work on, but I WANT to work on it with you. I want a future with you. I love you. I was never like this before, and maybe it’s because I’ve never loved this hard before. But what I do know, is that I want you by my side through THICK and THIN. I promise to make you happy. I promise to never do you wrong. I am yours.

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I’m pretty boring, but hey! It’s all good.

Well.. its one thing after another lately.. Seems that life keeps kicking me when all I’m trying to do is stand up!

But I’m trying to fight back. It’s all I can do. Being proactive about the job search and the opportunities that may come my way. Really just trying to find a job where I continue to do what I love, but also get compensated for it, enough to not only pay my bills but to have SOME what of a life.. because I don’t do anything. Not exaggerating.. I work, workout, eat and sleep. Right now though, it’s not that bad. I don’t mind it because I am truly trying to get ahead in life. I don’t care to go out and drink. I’d rather prove to the world that I have a gift that I’m trying to share!

One day right.. one day.

Having a good start to the weekend though.. Went to work and did my thing, bought some groceries:

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The Essentials: Chicken, Eggs, Greek Yogurt, Cottage Cheese, Bananas and Veggie Chips. I also picked up some grapples (apples that taste like grapes), Arctic Zero Ice cream that has only 150 calories for the entire pint and Skinny Cow Snickerdoodle Ice cream Sandwiches. I’ve tried the Strawberry Shortcake and they were fantastic. The Cookies & Dough Bars are crap, so I will see how the SD ones are. Also want to try the Cookies & Cream Sandwiches but they didn’t have them in stock. Probably because SC has been sold for $6.50 and Walmart was selling them for $3.50!!!! MMMM.. remember.. calories in vs calories out (and everything in moderation!)!!

..arrived home and went for a 5+ mile walk with Marley and my mom. It was nice. We spent about 2 hours and afterwards picked up some salads:

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All my mom was doing was talking about pizza, about a mile left of our walk and I was actually contemplating it as well! Haha.. I can always go for some pizza 🙂 But we chose to do salads instead which is always better.. well.. not always because well.. pizza will ALWAYS be better.. just not.. better for you. lol. Besides, going out for sushi later so I can save my carbs for then 😉

Speaking of carbs and walking, I have been taking some time off from lifting. Nothing too crazy but after that dead lift I was out of commission (lol). That definitely took A LOT out of me and I wasn’t expecting it. It was nice to lift my heaviest but my body took a toll. I suppose it’s a give/take relationship (: It’s not horrible though.. yes I am fiening (sp?) for the gym but taking time off to fully recover is the right thing to do. Some of my clients think working through the pain all the time, never missing a work out, ext is better.. but (not in all cases) it could be working against you. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! If you think you should take some time off, TAKE IT! The gym will always be there. Don’t risk injury for calories being burned. You can always stay active without going to the gym and stressing your body to the max. Go out for a BRISK (yes BRISK) walk, jog a little.. do body weight exercises (squats, lunges, wall sits, planks) during commercials. Just get moving and you don’t have to stress about always making time for the gym. Get creative and working out won’t be so horrible.

I do watch my calories (or how much “bad” stuff) I eat when I don’t make it to the gym. Yes if you are working out in a home gym or with weights you’ll burn more calories but if you can’t make it to the gym DON’T STRESS! Just watch what you’re eating. Stick to clean foods so you don’t feel even more guilty about not walking in the doors of a LA Fitness or X Sport… Because once again, it’s about calories in vs calories out. Just be conscious.. not naive. You know what you should do, shouldnt do.. what to eat, what you “shouldn’t” eat.. Just live your life in moderation and the weight won’t pile on when you stop being as active (especially in times of injury/surgery ext. This is when people gain the most weight. When they physically can’t exercise).

Don’t make exercising a chore, nor limit yourself to a “diet” because you don’t need to! Trust me! Just start eating healthy (foods that are GOOD for you!!!!), go for walks/jogs/runs, join a bike club, SOMETHING to get the heart going and you will start getting more and more motivated by how wonderful you feel 🙂

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Don’t write anything you don’t want people reading.

I am very open and honest here. This blog is linked to many outside audiences (instagram, facebook, twitter) and will sometimes have an affect on my personal life (as in my real life, the stuff that you are here to read..) as it has, the passed couple of days.

With that being said, I have a choice to make in the next few days that involves a rather big part of my life. This choice obviously comes with change and with that comes fear. I think this is a good way to sit back and go through a brainstorming strategy to get me to make a decision. Otherwise other pressures will get to me and I will feel like I made the wrong decision no matter the outcome, honestly.

That being said, I have a huge decision to make, a few chapters and reviews to do and an essay to write before tuesday so I suppose I should cut these short for the time being..

Image

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Monday 29/83 (2/4)

So here is my first progress picture:

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I had another one where my stomach was showing but honestly with how my legs looked, I looked WAY too disproportional. So I decided to go with this one.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I have barely done any cardio (in the fear I’d lose my ass) and still eating quiet a few carbs. While I was in bed last night I was playing around on my calender on my phone and setting a few reminders. Adding an hour of cardio in about 2 weeks (currently doing 30 minutes of cardio after my life session), taking out fruit 4 weeks out and so forth.

I have been creeping a couple peoples pictures on instagram and have been actually getting quite nervous. I feel like I am not going to be ready. I shouldn’t even think this because I still have 7 weeks left to go. I just get nervous sometimes. I barely have my abs and my arms are always slacking. The only thing I feel good about is my legs. I do know that once I start taking out a little bit of carbs and my fruit and up cardio that I should start seeing more results, but the clock is ticking!

Either way, I will be happy with my body because it is TEN times better than it was before I started. I just need to keep up the momentum even after I compete. I really don’t see a problem with it either. New things are arising so getting into the gym everyday will NOT be a problem.  Not only that but I honestly haven’t binged once. UGH! I keep wanting to blog about cheating and bingeing and just haven’t gotten around to it. I just think its really important to know that you can have whatever you want as long as it is in moderation. I always feel like shit after I binge and feel so guilty that it turns into a vicious cycle.

Not this time.

I can honestly say I feel so much better regarding my relationship with food. I have found the joy in treating my body to the food that it deserves, not the bullshit cravings I create in my head. Yes it is nice to splurge and eat moms homemade apple crisp (last night..oops!), but one serving was enough to satisfy myself with. Yes, I could of ate the whole pan. Yes, I could of felt guilty and consumed a thousand more calories just because. But I no longer want to. I want to live my life and love the body I was given. I am taking all of this time and putting it into the gym that I actually feel guilty when I “snack”. Now this isn’t right either but you have to understand I am trying to compete here in a few weeks. Anyone just living the healthy lifestyle should not feel guilty because of one or two hershey kisses!

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Birthday Body!

So.. it’s 2 months till my birthday, and I think I am going to do a little 8 week “challenge“.
..considering it has officially been 4 weeks since my bikini competition and I look like I shouldn’t be in one, lol. I figured this is a great way to start contest prep (I will start training for competition the week after my birthday), but I want to feel fucking fantastic for my birthday 🙂
..nothing too strenuous, nothing too life changing. Just a simple 8 week BIRTHDAY BODY challenge, YEP!!!
It will consist of:
1-2 cheat meals.
6 training days, 5 cardio days, and 1 off day.
1 yoga, 3x sauna.
A SHIT TON OF FUCKING WATER!
It will NOT consist of:
Added salt.
Added sugar.
Energy Drinks.
or Processed Foods (except Cheat Meals).
Pot Smoking <– (I KNOW!.. ugh!).
This is something that everyone can do. It’s simple yet SO effective. I took a before picture so I can track my progress. I don’t know if I’ll do a weekly progress shot but definitely before and after. Just watch what a few simple tricks can do for someone. Yes I am not “fat” or overweight by any means but 1. this will kick start ANY ones progress, and 2. you will feel fantastic! No joke.
The easiest thing to do is to just start by taking 1 thing away at a time. See how you adjust. See how you feel hour to hour, day to day. If you want to change your life, you have to understand it will NOT happen in a day. So take your time and be patient. If you want something enough, there will always be a way to get it.

 

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Tequila Tuesday!

Okay, no tequila for me.. but for the guys at work it is!

on a different note..

I feel like I had a lot to say (and was excited to say it) but now I don’t remember any of it. Maybe because I am going back and forth with some jerk off via my work email. Told me I have “no right to be answering phones” because in the end of it all, we figured out hes asking the wrong company (us) for money. Now that’s my fault how? lol

Any who FINALLY FUCKING SORE!!! Hell fucking yes! Legs last night were KILLER. Literally shaking, then cramping so I couldn’t go as heavy as I’d like on the leg ext. No big deal. Completed 30 min of cardio though 🙂 Oh! I think the next blog or two is going to be about my eating schedule (macros broken down), but also with all the products I use and which companies ext. I find a lot of cool shit on the internet (because I have nothing better to do), and I shop online ALL day.

The Food Log

9am PBJ Quest Bar
12pm Chopped salad with grilled chicken from Portillos
3pm Chicken and Mix Veggies
6pm Hmmm.. I brought Ezekiel pasta with ground turkey burger… but I don’t know how I feel about this being a pre work out meal.. hmmm…
9pm (Post Work out meal) 1 slice of Ezekiel bread, Greek yogurt, and almond butter
12pm Casein Shake

(Had one last night too. I knew I’d be up later then 9pm lol).

The Work Out

BACK ATTACK!!!

Super excited for back today. I wanted to get it as close to Quad day as possible (you use your back in most exercises pertaining to you hamstrings, so I don’t want to be sore when it’s time to lift them!!)

Focusing on form, and engaging the core. KEEP YOUR CORE TIGHT! If you constantly thinking about keeping your belly button towards your spine, your posture will better and your core WILL strengthen.

Lat Pull down
2x12x70lbs
1x10x80lbs
2x8x90lbs

Unilateral Row
4 sets of 10-12 till failure

Lawnmowers

5 sets
Max 15 reps. Up weight as needed.

ABBBBBBSSSSS (Can’t wait for these babies to be back!)

Recipe of the day:

From ChocolateCoveredKatie’s blog (I love her)!

1 Minute Coffee Cake

For the batter:

  • 3 tbsp spelt flour (or white. For gf: a commenter had success with 1 tbsp rice flour and 2 tbsp almond flour.)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/16 tsp salt
  • 1 stevia packet (or 1/32 tsp pure) or 1 tbsp sugar
  • 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp water
  • 2 tsp oil or melted margarine or applesauce (I prefer the oil/margarine, but that’s simply because I’m not a fan of fat-free baked goods.)
  • 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

For the streusel: (If you like a lot of streusel, feel free to double all ingredients below.)

  • 1/8 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 and 1/4 tsp sucanat or brown sugar
  • 1/4 to 1/2 tsp oil or melted margarine (once again, use applesauce if a fat-free version is desired)
  • tiny, tiny pinch salt
  • 2 pecan halves (or walnut halves)

(If using an oven, preheat to 330 F.) Combine batter dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet and mix until just mixed. In a tiny bowl, combine all streusel ingredients. Fill a greased muffin tin 1/2 way with the batter (or a ramekin or mug, if using the microwave). Sprinkle on two-thirds of the streusel, then spoon the remaining batter on top. Finally, sprinkle on the rest of the streusel. Cook 12-13 minutes in the oven, or around 1 minute in the microwave. (Microwave times may vary.)

Super fucking excited to try this recipe. I won’t make it till this weekend but for all of you lovies, here it is! This is what I NEEDED!!!! I could eat a whole coffee cake from Corner Bakery. Wow. Let’s google it and actually see the nutrition facts:

One slice of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake has 770 Calories 310 Calories from fat, a whopping 108 grams of carbs and 61 grams of sugar. Holy Fuck. And to think I wouldn’t. LOL.. Would not think TWICE about going back for seconds or even thirds. No lie there.

Sad huh? I think when I start thinking about things in a “bigger picture” type way, I see it differently. I have seen myself do this lately with money, but lets keep it weight related.  A pound of fat is 3500 calories. If I were to consume roughly 4 and 1/2 pieces of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake, that would equal 3500 calories. Now this isn’t taking into consideration other food you MAY consume, or exercise. So if you eat more after those 5 pieces, and decide you don’t want to work out, watch the lbs add on quickly!

..and to think I use to eat 2 or 3 candy bars in A SITTING! Literally a king size twix, maybe a 500 calorie brownie here, an oreo milkshake there. Holy. Fuck. My mom was right. I SHOULD weigh 200+ lbs. Unbelievable. And now I have to “punish” myself to get where I SHOULD be. I shouldn’t look/feel this way. I feel fucking GROSS!

😦 Subject change please!!!!!!

I like nice people. lol. Honestly, niceness goes along way. I just had to take a car over to alignment a few blocks from here. A little miscommunication and technically I was stranded there. I called Mike to come grab me but he wasnt answering. Ron just told me to go. Like kinda yelled then told me to wait then was like GO GO GO .. okay. So I went. He was like.. youre dropping the car right? nope.. I was by myself.. so the owner was like just take my car (knowing my boss he would of been like, I told you to drop it off.”.. but he really didnt. But see? He didnt need to do that. What a geniunely NICE guy. I miss you guys.. where did you all go?

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Day 43 The only journey is the journey within.

 

745am Woke up kind of late, since I didn’t get to bed till 3am .

830am Whey vanilla Protein 2 pieces pineapple, small banana, 1 tb coconut oil and 1tb coconut shred, 1 cup coconut milk and ice cubes.

1230pm blackened chicken breast, with a few flaxseed (original flavor) cookies.

227pm Stomach is super hungry already 😦

and now that I think about it.. I have class at 650pm. Health and wellness actually. Pretty excited actually, but I don’t have anything to eat later.. I might have to stop home. BECAUSE I AM BBBBRRRRRROOOOOOOOKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE till tomorrow morning. 😦

Work is fine. Nothing to interesting going on. Feel a little uncomfortable. These jeans fit my ass but not my waist and I have to keep pulling them up and I look awkward. and I forgot to paint my toe nails. lol. whatever.

430-5pm Ate a chicken breast in the car ride home.

 

545pm Got home and walked Marley before I headed to class.

7pm It is actually a sports nutrition class which I AM SUPER STOKED ABOUT!!!!! Talks about what you should eat at what times, breaks everything down for you. As soon as he said macro nutrients and  I immediately thought about eating disorders and how I may get obsessed with it all again..(I did when I started weighing out portions for pre contest),  but this is stuff that people SHOULD know. What carbs to eat, complex or simple. What sugars to eat, what fats to eat and when because as we may NOT know, timing is very crucial during energy exertion.

9pm Class ended and I headed straight to the gym

BOULDER SHOULDERS TODAY!!!!!!

Seated Shoulder Press

25lbs (DB) x 12reps x 4

Front Raise Super Setted with Flyes (chest)

I did this 3 times but I don’t know the weight, they weren’t numbered. 8-12 reps each.

Then I was getting sick and tired of retards staring at me.. (my pants may have been SLIGHTLY see thru).. Anywho..

Did 30 min on the stairmaster.

After that, I decided to go into the studio and do a little emore.

Lateral Raises

15lbs x 10reps (each arm)

Super Setted with either Bosu Ball Burpee (10) or ski jumps (20)

after 3 sets

Upright Row

25lbs x 12-15 reps

Super stetted with bosu burpees/ ski jumps.

NO planks today.. I was DRIPPPPPING sweat. Literally I couldn’t even see lol.. and I was super tired.. got home around 1030pm

 

1040pm 1/2 Chicken Breast and 1/2 Banana

 

HOPEFULLY GOING TO BED SOON!!!!!!

Goodnight ❤

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Day 17 There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

— Beverly Sills


Hard work, dedication, and the ability to stay positive through ups and the downs.  No shortcuts.

If you can imagine it, do it. You will never regret it.

745am I’m running late, because I stayed up a bit later then I would of liked too.. I’m throwing on any clothes that I think would look reasonable and that actually match (I’ve walked out with 2 different boots before, luckily both were black). While I was getting ready I realized that I felt good. My sweater fitted a little looser, and my thighs look like they are thinning out. I mean.. I would hope I see results considering its been 2 weeks.

HOWEVER! This is important to people weight training. PLEASE.. PLEASE DO NOT use the scale for weight loss progress. You will feel defeated EVERY TIME (especially people with disorders and OCD). Just because you weigh more on the scale doesn’t mean exercising and eating right isn’t doing anything. Muscle weighs more then fat. I promise, just keep going.

830am Finished my protein shake in the morning on my way to work.. I work 45 min away from home, so I have a lot of time to think. I usually am such a basket case that I can never had a finished thought, but I’m trying to understand weight loss, and why so many people refuse to change.

Is it because we don’t like change? Or we don’t like change when it comes to ourselves? Is it because food is just so DAMN good? No motivation? No reason too? Don’t care? Too lazy? Not enough time?

Well.. everyone does everything because of something =D

Smokers smoke cigs because they are addicted to nicotine.  Alcoholics drink alcohol because they are addicted to it. Anorexics don’t eat because they are afraid of the image starring back at them.. Bulimics puke because they want there cake and ….well you know.  Men eat whatever they want because they assume metabolism means fatty foods don’t have the same effect as they do for everyone else.

  1. Heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes doesn’t care if you have a fast metabolism and don’t gain weight from that double cheeseburger extra fry from Mcdonalds, everyday.
  2. Eating like shit only hurts you.
  3. Healthy eating doesn’t have to suck.
  4. STOP BEING LAZY!

Not enough time? Why use that excuse? I don’t give a rats ass what you do all damn day, if you have 24 hours to breathe, you have 24 hours to get your life back. I can understand to an EXTENT but I am gone for 10 hours a day, go to class for 2 and 1/2 hours, and work out everyday AND make my food for each meal from SCRATCH ALL NATURAL FOODS. soo….. what the fuck?

It’s fine though, I’m not here to preach, I am just trying to understand this ridiculous thought process. I just know more then half of the people out there don’t like how they look naked, but a small majority of those people will actually do something about it.

It’s like if they don’t see results in 3 days they don’t think anythings working.. Well my friend, it took more then 3 days to put it on didn’t it?
Exactly.

Am I the only one that thinks this is common sense?

Maybe it’s not, but hey that’s why I’m here right? To teach people how to live healthy.

I’m sorry. I guess it just bugs me. If you are going to complain about the way you look, or treat people with disrespect because YOU AREN’T HAPPY with yourself, do everyone a favor and cut it out. You can be happy too. I mean who wouldn’t want to love themselves?

Am I being ignorant here? Honestly? I know people can love themselves at any weight and as long as YOU ARE happy and healthy I think you can be whatever size your little heart pleases to be, but if you constantly fight an upward battle with yourself PLEASE ask for help. You have to want to change in order to accept the help, but any step towards a better you is a step worth taking.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

I have these quote hanging in my room and its so beautiful I smiled when it fit perfectly here.. And its true. I honestly cringe to think about all the hate in this world and how people are living day to day in such depression. I have been to the lowest lows, and thought things would never get better. Obviously I was wrong. I’m here today with a huge smile and such passion for life now it makes me giddy just thinking about how things have changed AND HOW THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR YOU TOO! You just have to believe that, and it’s the honest to God’s truth. I hope from reading my blog I can make you believe in yourself. I can’t make you change, but I can help with the understanding that you can do what you set your heart to do ❤

ANNNNNDDDDDDD that’s that. LOL.

941am & I am already starving. Awesome. I had 1/4 of a coconut cream pie Lara Bar when I was walking in and now I’m drinking tea till 10am, when I have to take a retarded class to set shit up for work. Then I have to study Chapter 8 in between breaks today because I don’t actually think I know anything about chapter 8. Maybe I’ll get lucky on the multiple choice 😉

Because I am online ALL the time during work, I found a bad ass recipe for a RAW BROWNIE w/ 5 ingredients. Fucking AWESOME.

The Raw Brownie
Ingredients:
2 cups whole walnuts
2 ½ cups Medjool dates, pitted
1 cup raw cacao
1 cup raw unsalted almonds, roughly chopped
¼ tsp. sea salt

Directions:
1. Place walnuts in food processor and blend on high until the nuts are finely ground.
2. Add the cacao and salt. Pulse to combine.
3. Add the dates one at a time through the feed tube of the food processor while it is running. What you should end up with is a mix that appears rather like cake crumbs, but that when pressed, will easily stick together (if the mixture does not hold together well, add more dates).
4. In a large bowl (or the pan you plan on putting the brownies in), combine the walnut-cacao mix with the chopped almonds. Press into a lined cake pan or mold. Place in freezer or fridge until ready to serve (it is also easier to cut these when they are very cold). Store in an airtight container.

My New Roots

I can NOT wait to try this ❤

2pm I FINALLY ATE! I was on a conference call for 2 hours, trying to set these credit card terminals up. One would work the other wouldn’t.. I then had to do one 4 times over entering ZD&YQ7&YF% lol over and over, pressing enter.. fuck.. then I had to go pick up a car 30 min away.. then go to my bank to pull money out (dont know where the fuck my debit cards are again…..), then headed to whole foods. LOL. I am so bad :/

Blackened Chicken Breast and Zucchini AND half of a lara bar (:)

Holy shit still haven’t studied.

Did I mention I work next to a huge bread factory?

Do you know how good fresh bread smells?

F
M
L

It’s 9:22pm. I wasn’t even going to finish this blog tonight because I am so unhappy.

  1. I totally failed my test
  2. I exceeded my calorie intact

Fuck #1 I don’t even care. It was bogus but what the fuck with #2 really????

I ate myself retarded in peanut butter and had some tuna then later I went down to eat cranberries. I just didn’t want to stop.  WAIT OMG! AND I HAD SWEET POTATOES TOO! It wasn’t really anything it was more so I was bored, and maybe SLIGHTLY FUCKING PISSED. I’m not completely upset where I’d ruin everything I worked for but I am not happy with myself AND I came home early enough to work out and I didn’t.

So I am going to bed, otherwise I will just keep eating. 😦

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