Tag Archives: inspiration

Cheesin’ like a motherfucker.

So shit has been going great.. I am staying on track, and keeping up with my workouts.. but the most amazing part of this journey has been falling in love with a great man and on the right steps to loving myself.

They say you can’t fully love until you love yourself. I beg to differ (to an extent). He is the reason I smile and he never fails to put one on my face. He loves me for me, not because of how my ass looks, or whether or not I have abs that day (lol). I know I haven’t really posted about my relationships (mostly because I had none) but figured it took away from the reason I started this blog in the first place. However… it has EVERYTHING to do with it. I have dated assholes who have given me ultimatums regarding competing for a show or staying with that person. I have dated people that think I am shady or cheating on them because I stayed at the gym for one hour too many. I have dated people where I needed to impress them. Never again. I don’t want to have to constantly have a stick up my ass because I’m not feeling “up to par”.. I need to focus on my emotions and really what is causing them. It’s like my whole days goes to shit if I feel that I look like crap, and now.. being with someone that enjoys my company outside of a good body or a pretty face, is life changing. Enjoying life isn’t something I am familiar with, with all these fucked up thoughts constantly running through my brain.

But lately, I feel different. I feel like even though I am the only cause for my interal happiness, he is by far one of the biggest helps in my life. He pushes me to be a better person and truly understands the fight I fight each and every day. He tells me I am beautiful multiply times a day, and I am starting to actually believe it. I don’t need a man in my life (like I did when I was younger), but every part of me wants him.

I have fallen in love with my best friend.

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Pointless late night post.

So it’s 10:42pm on Saturday night. I don’t remember (nor have I put much work into finding out) what time I fell asleep at…. but it sure as hell wasn’t just a catnap like I told him. Yes I will refer to him as him as if you know who he is. Just go along with it. Names have to be withheld. Too many creeps.
 
So yeah. I was going to get chipotle but I am so glad I passed out. I can only imagine how bloated I would of felt. Dude. I jiggle again. I am probably 3 solid months worth of training. LOL.. yes I just measured my weight loss by how quickly it can be lost. Ugh. This time a scale may be needed. That and I will need to start writing my shit down. When it all comes down to it yes weight loss is a science. Pretty much, calories in vs calories out. That is the EASIEST (quickest, simplest ext ext) way of explaining HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT. If you know and understand that.. like Albert Einstein once said..

aka

Burn more calories (via exercise/movement) then you consume (ingest = eat).
..& I think writing it all down and literally calculating all my macronutrients, will be fool proof. 😉
 
I have always been really weird with my work outs though. For the most part I am pretty much on with my reps and sets when I write them down in the work out part of the blog. However there are some times when I do do more one set or I may do 2 less the next set. But let it be known that I 85-90% always go to FAILURE. I try and push myself, and to continous go till my comfort zone. Yes this may not be correct in any way shape or form but I have been pushed to anxiety attacks over rep numbers, not being able to get a higher weight then last week, even looking in the mirror has sent me home. Even worse? I have cried at the incline leg press before.. lol. Fucked up.
 
Anyways I didn’t mean to get into that.. but I just remembered the common questions I have been recently asked.
Lets move on to the real reason I even wanted to randomly start blogging at 11 at night.
I hate myself right now. Yes hate is a strong word and I don’t feel like pressing the delete button or moving my mouse and rewriting the sentence (so yes I will just continue to write even more lol therefore taking up more time when I really could of just rewrote the sentence and now I can’t stop writing).. haha.. I am jiggling literally as the laptop rests upon my legs (think laying in bed, lap top on quads on a 45 degree angle) gosh Im retarded. okay but literally i am jiggling. and before when I was downstairs I realized how soft I am lol. FUCK.
 
Listen I have NOT been at the gym in about 2 weeks. Not to mention I have not given A FUCK what has gone in my mouth recently…………. lol
 
but really its sad. I am so uncomfortable these days and TODAY I got my period = (besides TMI) MAJOR BLOAT + MAJOR MENS. PAINS = 😦
 
Everything sucks. I haven’t started this month off right but I promise as you are reading this, whoever and ALL who you are, I  promise tomorrow will be different. I suppose not for anyone else but myself but I want to be held accountable. Him and I set a short term goal of 4 weeks (so until July 4) to do a few things differently for ourselves and I really want to hold true to that. I really think we can ALL do what we put our minds too..but I think sometimes people don’t always see the long term goal or reward and just give up for the “time being”.. but overall you will change things about you that you want to change when your ready. No one should be faulted for that. Its been 6 months since I quit smoking cigarettes and that was a personal choice. I should have even weeks ago but I secretly liked to smoke :/
Honeslty I don’t even feel that much different, or even the added benefits lol but I think I soley based my choice to quit that it simply wasn’t healthy. And deep down thats a huge personal goal of mine. I know a lot of things I still do aren’t, but I want to change that. So, be the change you wish to see in the world, right?
Easier said then done.
 
Maybe..:)
 
I’m excited for tomorrows blog btw.
 
Food prep and my first (of many) leg work outs back from my “fat staycation”. I am going to be so fucking sore this week its going to suck. And now after all that zombie bullshit I am a little weary on taking my salt bathes after work outs. Fuck that shit. UNREAL.
 
I cannot stay focused for the life of me.
Yeah.. I don’t know if this blog had a point or not.
So hopefully I already made one because I just got tired again…
 

..So goodnight ❤

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Day 57 Motivation Monday!

*Yes I know my blogs are a day behind, but they will always be a day behind (considering how late I train/eat).

*9-5pm Work  (Autowerks)

6pm-850pm Class (Sports Nutrition)

915pm-1040pm Work out (BACK ATTACK!)

Motivation
Ambition, Goals

Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It’s the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It’s the crucial element in setting and attaining goals—and research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation and self-control. So figure out what you want, power through the pain period, and start being who you want to be.


FOOD LOG

(sorry the screen shot picture wasn’t working)

830am Banana split protein shake

1030am Almonds (20)

1pm Steak w broccoli

5pm Chicken Breast

7pm Flaxseed “cookies”

10pm MINI banana (post w/o)

1245pm Chicken Breast <– no idea

The Workout

Back Attack!

Assisted Pull Ups

Unilateral Row

Back Ext

Lawnmowers

45 Min Cardio

*Sorry no sets or weights. I completely forgot. :/

Day 57 in Pictures

  1. Banana Split Protein Shake 🙂 (Dymatize Chocolate Protein Powder, 2 Strawberries, 1 mini Banana, Almond/Coconut Milk, Ice)
  2. 2nd meal- Steak and Broccoli.
  3. 3rd meal- Chicken on my way to class (not pictured, flaxseed cookies)
  4. This is what I have to study for a test I have on Friday. Weve only have 1 (ONE) class with him. Awesome.

Was a good day overall. Thought work was going to be a lot worse (because there has been some minor drama) but it was all good. Ate on time, no overeating or eating because I was bored. I had a long day though… like mentioned in the beginning of the blog, I had my 9-5 (which is usually 8-6 if you include commute).. class at 630ish till 9 which was actually pretty interesting, then I got a burst of energy which was awesome, and headed home to change, got in the car and got SUPER tired. Got to the gym, did KIND of a crappy workout then got on cardio and was gonna skimp out but I didn’t…because in the end I am only cheating myself. BTW got hit on again.. this is GREAT, but I will tell the story tomorrow.. I finished about 45min which I was only going to do 30 but more power to  me! Ended up meeting up with a friend and it lasted a bit long.. Did eat my carbs after my workout though and had just enough time to eat a chicken breast before bed. Took awhile to get to sleep but it was quality sleep, the sleep I DID get.. 🙂

Cant wait for another day 🙂 One step closer to my goal :):) Have about 3 and 1/2 weeks till I have to send in my money for comp!!!!! MEANS ITS GETTING CLOSERRRRR OMGGGGGGGGGG 🙂

Still need to find the bikini I want/the color I want… eeeeeeek.

 YOU CAN DO THIS; ONLY IF YOU WANT THIS!~

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Day 46 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Woke up at 7am =D Finally.

But never take a bubble bath right when you wake up. I wanted to stay there forever.

830am Vanilla Whey, Mini Banana, 1/2 cup coconut milk, 1TBS coconut shreds, 4 ice cubs. (IN LOVE WITH THIS RECIPE AND ONLY HAVE 2 MORE WEEKS TO ENJOY IT!!!!!) 😦

10am Was already starving, snacked on almonds.

1230pm Went to Whole Foods downtown because I needed to pick up some shit for my boss.

Seriously.. even this dude said something about it.. He has me go pick up shit from random people he  messages on craigslist… Whatever.. So as weird as it was, I said fuck it and and just typed in directions on how to get home.. and before you know it I was on North Ave where the Whole Foods was..

I got 1/4lb flank steak and  grilled cuban mojo (LOL) chicken breast.. $12.00 later.. lol.. So I ate the flank steak in the car headed home.

4pm Munched on some almonds because I am literally starving all the damn time. I need to start drinking more water. Ate this chicken breast from whole foods like stated earlier and it was delicious! 🙂 I took a pic of the ingredients too..

I made the 60 second chocolate cake because I was so needing something sweet and I really didnt want to binge.. I’ve been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good ❤ ❤ ❤

I finished up part 1 of my homework.. Didn’t take long..  it was a discussion on 3 things we liked from this article that actually had to do with everything that intrigues me lol..

730pm Got ready for the gym..

BACCCK ATTACCCKKKKKK..

8pm Got to the gym.

Started with lat pulldowns.

Back Ext 3×10 reps 45lbs

Single Arm Row 45-60lbs

Underhand Row Maxed out at 120lbs.

30 Min Cardio

 

930pm Went home and made a protein shake. Lol.. I put applesauce and cranberries in it.. lmao.

10-12pm Went out and chit chatted with a few friends. Ate 8 almonds on the way home.

Rest of the night was whatever.. Kinda feeling a lil down in the dumps coming along.. hmmmmmmm weather…always being busy, never actually getting anything done, getting bitched at about my dog, eating late the fuck at night… getting high, needing to change some things in my life, constantly bitching and thinking the world revolves around me, wanting to be a better person, has sudden urges to cry, not depressed, just stressed and thinks crying lets a lot of emotion and fear go. 😦

 

I’ll figure it out.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 44 We can do anything we want to do if we stick to it long enough.

Wow… the days are just adding up eh?

But when I think about it, that’s like 6 weeks.. you would think ID BE COMPLETELY FLAWLESS BY NOW!!!!! haha… not exactly.  Sorry that’s my impatient rant of the day again.. I’M GETTING BETTER I PROMISE!! it takes time, and now the way I look at is, is these are the days of the rest of my life. I will never be over weight, uncomfortable ever again. I will be healthy from here on out :):):):)

Any who.. what do you think 4 weeks of straight binging would do to someone?

At THOUSANDS of calories a day?

Do you think the weight is just going to fall right off? Lol it takes time, and for someone like myself I should know this.. Starving yourself will only get you sicker, and mentally even worse, and throwing up , honestly I think the loss of then enamel on my teeth is because of throwing up for years (all the acid).. that and I have chronic acid reflux (actually had it as a baby) but it’s only gotten worse since throwing up (NO I do NOT throw up or starve myself anymore).

All this progress is healthy eating/living. So for any of you that say you wish you had my body, ext ext.. you can.

But will you sacrifice something for it? Desserts, sugar, simple carbs, fast food ext??

And there is where people tend to stop listening or asking questions 😉

Woke up super late this morning.

Mom was actually the one to wake me up.. and all I did was press snooze and I wake up 10 min before Im usually on the road.. no big deal I wasnt late or anything.. actually forgot to put my make up on. lol

Made a shake though.. running out of flavors to make..

830am Vanilla Whey, Maca/ Superblend Powder, coconut oil and coconut flakes with water and ice.

1030am Had to run some errands. First when to ABT and saw that there was a red mango across the street. Ive never had red mango, but Ive sure as FUCK wanted it.. So I actually wait about 20 min in the car because it didn’t open till 11am.. (even though I found out they WERE open) haha.. I walk in and start asking so many questions the dude just hands me the nutrition book..

I was literally on the verge on leaving with out getting anything 😦 because he said there was added sugar. FUCK.

NOT COOL. but he said the vanilla one didn’t, and I saw that it only had about 12g of sugar. nbd 🙂 I got a little strawberry and not even a spoonful of dark chocolate bites.

Ate that on the road while I went to extreme graphics and picked up some shit that Ron ended up not even liking.. ol well.

1245pm Headed to Whole Foods after. Got 2 chicken breasts and some smoked almonds. Ate /2 of the chicken breast.

Just found out I received my financial aid, nothing what I thought I would get.. I think for the year I got 2000????????? UGHHH why do I always have to be stressed? Fine.. no big deal… I’ll just wait till tomorrow to have someone explain it to me.

Pretty simple today. Sorry going to be a boring blog post after all.. So about 430pm I ate another part of the chicken breast. Didn’t eat much because I was going to stay after work for tequila tuesday and was actually super pumped to stay..

530pm I realized Nikki was going to come and so it just so happened that Eric and I got into a little tiff.. He completely denies it, is actually taking nikki’s side. It was unbelievable. I have the ENTIRE convo on my phone between greg and i, greg and eric, and nikki and I. and THEY ARE STILL LYING ABOUT ITTTT!! and then I had to throw Mike in there because he was a witness and later after I left he told mike it never happened.. oh.. okay. Doesn’t matter Nikki lost a friend, I never had one in her.

630pm Got home, traffic sucked. Walked Marley played with her a bit. Made ground turkey and onions, it was pretty good.

8-1am I went out. lol. and I NEVER go out. I didn’t even anything bad, but didn’t study like I wanted too.

Went to bed around 3am.

Didn’t work out today. Usually have Wednesdays off but I was SUPPOSE to study :/ lol..

Goodnight ❤

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Day 35 youngwildfree

so I am continuing last night over here because I didn’t arrive home till 7am….

So after everyone got a couple drinks down everyone started to loosen up a bit.. I don’t think I laughed that hard or that much in such a long time.. I def needed it…

Nikki and I

Well everyone is kind of an idiot (mostly co workers here lol) so we just do dumb stuff (like at work, when its your birthday you get tied up in duck tape…. yup!) any who.. there was a 2 person bike and we were told we had a mission to accomplish.. I actually of video of this whole thing and its fucking awesome.. too bad I don;t know how to post video and second I laugh and sound like a retard..

But we were told we had to bike to this bar down the street take a shot (car bomb) and then get one to go..

The bike we took for our mission. 

 Car Bomb To Go Please 😉

I successfully did this.. and you hear it in the video.. you also hear:

me laughing uncontrollably..
saying something hurts over and over..
I had to pee really bad
Some dude watched me pee and
I was not afraid..

Yeah no idea… you just hear me say “I’m not afraid” lol.

Nikki and Mike

Anywho that was pretty interesting.. I don’t really remember much of the night.. besides the pictures that I took. Well listen to this..

So we are driving home, the sun is coming up.. I am sprawled out on the passenger seat, fully reclined, backwards.. yes.. My head was where you put your ass.. lol i was so comfortable.. let me tell you. THAT I DO remember lol.. well we were getting closer to my house and I realize my phone wasn’t working, figured it was just dead.. Well I plugged it in before I hopped in bed and just passed out.. Didn’t set an alarm, I figured I had only 2 hours of sleep I didn’t know fi I would make church or not.. ( I woke up at 11am.. which TECHNICALLY was 10am, which is when church starts, but since day lights savings time, I ended up waking up when it was ending :() any who..

11am Lost an hour of sleep.. so technically 10am… Got home at 7am…. 3 hours of SOLID sleep, woke up just fine..
Made a protein shake. Myofusion (probiotic or whatever? tastes like shit), banana and almond butter ice water.

I realized my phone wasn’t working.. nothing I would do to it would start it.. (and I have had my fair share of broken apple products) so I ended up making an apt for the north brook apple store (closet one, and thank god I made an apt)…

So I drive all the way to apple by my work, and as Im turning into the parking lot my phone turns on by my jiggling the button a little bit.. so I was like wtf.. should I even go in the mall (i have a shopping problem) but I said fuck it.. might as well just tell them I won’t be coming, so got out and entered north brook court…
As I am walking, half way to Apple my phone turns off again.. and won’t turn back on.. awesome.
Walk into the store, give my name and instantly is helped. Drew helped me actually.. and he had swagger.. random detail but it was cute.. he brought it into the back and came out maybe 5-8min later and said it was completely fried. fucking fuck….. yeah..
So $250 later.. have a brand new WHITE iPhone S this time.. I knew I was eligible for an upgrade so it wasn’t TOO bad, but def wasn’t looking to spend that much money considering I just spent a little over $100 the day before.. So money is BACK to being tight lmfao….. UGHHHHH

And here the bottom picture is the phone actually picked up a charge.
And now I have 2 iPhones…..

BUTTTT THE CAMERA IS SSSSSIIICK!!!! Seriously IN fucking LOVE. It takes some of the nicest pictures.. I also picked up another iPod.. just a shuffle though.. only $50.. yeah i guess I didn’t NEED it but it was only $50 more lol and instead of using my iPhone for music and getting it all sweaty might as well suck it upp..

Yeah.. so blahblahblah

Go to H&R block they helped me out. Taxes are sent.
Visited a mattress store and the lady was SUPER helpful. Family owned, priced a Queen mattress for $450-
Mom later texted me about someone in my brothers apt selling a mattress for 80$ might go pick it up tomorrow. It is really nice..
Went to Jewel for a few things.. If  I wasn’t broke enough.

Got my pineapple
Meat
Bananas
Onions
Drinks and strawberies 🙂 just a little pit stop..
Lol no I didn’t get the oreos.. thought it would be a cool picture……&&

SAW THE CUTEST PUPPY EVER!!!!

Headed home FINALLY!! and to think I was hungover and got all this accomplished! Made a delicious steak and corn before working out..

Left for the gym I don’t know what time actually, did bi’s and tri’s wasn’t a bad workout actually.. Didn’t do core, because I left Marley home alone.. then I realized i left the dryer running too.. and was imagining the worst!!!! :(:(:(:( But came home, made a shake, for the protein lol made it again (rather just added a scoop of whey) and now I am here haha..

Post Workout Shake.
Pineapple
Chia seeds
Vanilla Whey P Powder
Oatmeal
Coconut Milk
Coconut Oil
Ice

OH Also made a pizookie yesterday made out of chickpeas.. Here is the recipe.. Turned out just fine.. WAYYY better warm though, and if you can make the ice milk I think it would be even better.. My sister didn’t even know they were made out of chickpeas..

Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pizookie

(gluten free!)

Obviously inspired by the Deep-Dish Cookie Pie.

  • 2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin (or butternut squash or sweet potato)
  • 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 and 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 3 T canola oil (or coconut oil)
  • 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (You can try adding less sugar, if you’re used to healthy desserts; I chose to use this much because the people to whom I served it are used to “normal” desserts. Also, white sugar will work if you don’t have brown. Also: I know some readers have successfully made my original pie with agave.)
  • 1 cup chocolate chips

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. (Blend until it’s super-smooth.) Mix in chips, and pour into a pan. (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want areally deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

If desired, you can top this pie with Vanilla Ice Milk.

But the pizookie is so soft and so sweet and so gooey that it really doesn’t need any toppings at all.

Here is my picture lol.
Still tasted good though..
912pm My stomach hurts so bad… I don’t know what it is.. I think I need to lay off the flax and shit because my stomach is in knots…
Gonna go make some food in a bit…. then head to bed. Finished laundry chilled for a bit, now its getting close to my bed time… Btw taxes STILL DIDNT GO THRU!!!!! dumb fucking idiots.

Goodnight ❤

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