Tag Archives: Job

If all you get out of this post was that I deadlifted 230lbs, that’s fine.

Have been having some really bad days lately. Mostly because of my attitude towards it all, but it is really hard to stay positive when you are going broke doing what you love to do. I just feel that I am stuck. Even more overwhelmed that I feel stuck in the first place. It’s almost like binging.. One horrible, vicious cycle in which I am doing to myself.

No one is making me stay at this company. No one has a gun to my head telling me I can’t leave.. Yet I feel like trying to find a new job would not entirely help the situation. I would have to find all new clients, go practically paycheckless for 2ish months, literally start from the bottom all over again and I don’t think that makes a lot of sense right now. Hopefully my boss puts in a good word to snag a promotion sooner than later, because I feel like I will have no choice but to leave. I really don’t want to, at least not now. I have a LIST of horrible things this company does, and that I am against but I LOVE personal training, I LOVE my clients. I don’t know.. I really have no idea what to do and I cry myself to sleep every night praying to God to help me through all this.
It has gotten to a point where I have been asking my boyfriend for money to pay my bills.. something I am super ashamed about but something that I appreciate dearly. Hopefully I will get my head out of my ass and will start stepping in the right direction instead of huge piles of shit all the damn time. I just hate being taken advantage of.. I am BUSTING my ass and putting so much thought and effort into every one of my clients, all to get pennies off the dollar. It’s sad.. it really is that a company as big as this one validates paying there trainers a little as they do. It is MIND BLOWING. But I continue to work there.. don’t I? So who the fuck else do I have to blame except, yet again, myself?
The only good I see coming from this experience though, is the thought of starting my own business. I have so many ideas that that alone gets me overwhelmed as well.. but it’s a little piece of hope I continue to hold on too..
Maybe one day..
Now that thats off my chest.. I DEADLIFTED 230lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… a whopping 230 for 2 reps (lol).. After I dropped the weight, I had 3 people come up to me shaking my hand, telling me how impressive it was. I felt famous for like 2.5 seconds and I FREAKING LOVED IT! Granted, I had a spot and I used straps (I have never lifted with straps before but holyhell I can see why people use them. It helped SO much that I am thinking of purchasing a pair.. in pink of course!).. but I did it! I was so happy. So happy that it turned my horribly awful day into a freakin GREAT ONE! I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day lol.. till.. well I got home. I was INSTANTLY sore.. mostly because I lifted the second rep wrong and used my back instead of my legs (WHICH IS DANGEROUS! DO NOT DO!), and spent the rest of the night on a heating pad. The next day (today), was even worse.. Which I knew was going to happen because well.. I have been lifting for a while now and I know damn well the next few days afterwards are incredibly painful lol. I got foam rolled though which will help with the recovery process, but let me tell you.. THAT WAS UNBEARBALE! Now.. I have gotten tattooed on the ribs, and have had my tongue/nose pierced.. but o m g, that had me in tears. I almost had them stop it was that bad.. Shit.. I’m like cringing as I write this lol… So, I took a slight rest day today.. Did a slow pace walk for 40 minutes and continued to stretch through out the day. Over all.. WORTH IT! I really need to start training with a spotter though.. I have so much potential yet don’t lift as heavy as I can in fear I’ll either look like a dumbass or.. I’ll look like a dumbass when the weight comes crashing down on me lol.. Either way.. I know that with someone there that I could lift SOOOOO much heavier and I NEED that. I need to start progressing.. Yes, I am losing weight but it’s not all about that. I just want to get stronger.. Now if only it wasn’t just physically but mentally too..
Ohh.. one step at a time..
girlDeadlift
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No april fools here.

Now I feel super busy so I can’t take this blog to where I want it to go just yet. That makes me sad and a little unaccomplished. However, work is super crazy and striving for an A or B in my health and wellness class has really started taking its toll. I feel good about it all though. Keeping me busy, keeping me sane. I hope right? I mean.. usually added stress is well just that, stress. Me? stress? always.. but at least its keeping my mind busy.

I had written a shit ton of good shit yesterday, but go figure, it didn’t save (I am thankful that my 3 hours worth of homework done yesterday did though.. fuck the blog post! lol.. I kid..) I don’t know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I kept it (or tried too), so that means something.. lol.. oh you know me and the right click select all delete.

Now I feel like I have nothing to say.. I did start off today with a mother fucking bang though. Ate on point (except missed eating all my carbs. I am trying to carb cycle but didn’t measure my mornings fruit serving so it threw it off), worked out and had a good work out finally. Literally a work out where I felt like screaming out “i fucking love working out!” It just felt that good. I am so close to achieving the look I want, that I think it was hurting my progress for a while. I want to be at a point where I am just maintaining. It is still a lot of work but better to work to keep it then work to get it. I don’t know.. one day at a time. Seriously its all I have at the moment and I’ve come to realize that.

Work is forever changing and I have noticed that I do not have an job security unless I sell. That’s it, sell or no job. Kind of nerve racking don’t you think? Yeah, tell me about it..and with all new bosses in today,I slam dunk the fuck out of it and got me some numbers on the board, first day of the pay period. I still have a lot of work to do, especially with this being my first sales job but it was all legit and exactly how I want people to view my business. I am going to make an impact there, just watch.

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Wednesday 31/83 (2/6)

Fuckkkkk. I really need to stop comparing myself with other people because frankly, it is not working.

7 weeks to go and I feel it’s not enough time. My legs are getting lean which is a good thing but I see no definition in my arms (which has ALWAYS been a problem) and my abs are only visible when I wake up in the morning. Though makes perfect sense with the amount of water I drink. Still going to train as if it IS enough time and worry about it later.

Again, I have plans to limit my carbs and fruit intake and up the amount of cardio in a few weeks, so hopefully (fingers crossed) everything works out. Just so nerve-racking sometimes.

Nothing is really effecting my mood lately or my want to binge because that “want” isn’t there anymore. I love my cheat meals but I don’t count down the days till I get one as surprising as that sounds. I do have a hershey kiss in times of “need” 😉 but that’s as far as it goes. My cheat meals aren’t even that calorie dense anymore. I just don’t live to eat and that’s how it should be!

My life outside of the gym has been good as well. It’s my boyfriends birthday the day before Valentines day so we are planning on going to Texas De Brazil in Schaumburg which is pretty much an all you can eat MEAT restaurant. You have these cards on the table, along with mashed potatoes, cheese filled biscuits and bananas haha, which are red on one side and green on another. You place the green side up if you want the servers to come around, or flip it to red when you need a little breathing room lol and trust me that red side comes in handy! They come around with endless amounts of meat and it’s just plain awesome. I haven’t been there is forever so super stoked to finally get to go!

Things are starting to look up and I will explain a little more in to detail when I know the time is right.. or when I know I am allowed too 😉

Keep pressing on folks!

 

 

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Saturday 27/83 (2/2)

Haven’t posted much because nothing much is new.

Still working at my shitty job. Practically paying to work there. Things are in the works and I pray to God for every door that he has opened for me recently.

The boy and I are doing good. Rolling with the punches I would say. Mostly because I am still insecure as FUCK but working on it everyday. Luckily he is a great man and just as most guys would say, putting up with it. I have been bitching at him lately because of his drinking. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal but needs to know that not only am I not about that “life” but I also come from an alcoholic background. He isn’t binge drinking like lets say, some of his friends are but I also have never been with someone who casually drinks as much as he does. I just want him to be careful, that’s all. That and well…. I don’t trust many people’s decisions when they are under the influence and I will leave it at that.
In regards to training, I am still going strong. I just started to add cardio in my schedule because I hit the 8 week mark just yesterday. I am getting  a bit nervous but have to realize that its a solid 2 months away. A lot can be done in that amount of time. I just have to use it wisely. About 3 or 4 days ago, I did deadlifts for the first time in a while. About 2 days after that workout I was so sore. The next day, even worse. Now, don’t get me wrong I KNOW how being sore  but this felt like I was tearing things whenever I bent down. It was BAD. Now, I am all better and still going as hard as I can.

My diet has still consisted of brown rice, oatmeal, whole wheat pastas and the occasional fiber tortilla (I use for morning wraps of eggs and ground turkey). Eggs, ground turkey, chicken and protein powders. I also still have some fruit in my diet. I won’t take anything out just yet, but relying on the added cardio to lose a little bit of weight. I want to “preserve” any muscle I have for the time being.

In about 2-3 weeks, I will add more cardio and take out fruits and possibly lower the amount of carbs I am currently eating. I just hope I can keep my ass. It really is THAT important.

Everything else in my life, seems to be looking up. I haven’t binged like I have in past contest preps which I find is extremely amazing. I think it’s because if I want something, I have it. It’s as simple as that. Thinking of writing a blog post about cheat meals. I truly think its important to live a little, especially when you are not dieting for a show.

Hope all is well.

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