As you can clearly tell, I haven’t posted in a while. My life has really changed and I am finding out, slowly but surely if it’s a good thing or not.
The boyfriend and I have each started new jobs. Meaning, we no longer work together. AW was where we met, where we fell in love, where we spent 40+ hours together. To no longer have that has been quite a change. Though, as much as I feared it would become a problem, it hasn’t.. Yet. Okay just kidding. I will stay positive. We did get in a little spiff about something that I found out recently. I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it, mostly because it’s a clear indication that I am insecure as f u c k. Take out feeling insecure (because frankly WTF else is new), I think it just hurt my heart. That being said, he came over last night with sushi (something he’s never done) and we talked about it. I am still not completely over it but I think we came to a conclusion. Not one that I typically wanted only because I don’t want to be a controlling girlfriend. I don’t want to tell someone they can or ‘ do something, because all said and done he is his own person. He is allowed to do as he pleases I just hope that in the end he sees how it affected me and will respect me.
Going back to the whole starting a new job, I now work at LA Fitness. No more 9-5 at a body shop getting treated like shit. No more dead-end job. No more getting taken advantage of and being called stupid on a daily basis. I now have a job where I am actually appreciated. A job in which I love doing. The fitness industry is something that I will be in for most likely the rest of my life. I feel comfortable there. Working no longer feels like work to me. I am helping people change their lives, while I am able to focus on my own goals. I no longer have an excuse of not getting to the gym 🙂
I am a little nervous with how things are run, but I have to understand that just like working at Xsport years ago, this is a business and they expect that you make them money. Hopefully, one day I will be able to work on my own. I don’t like having “goals” and those “goals” just being about money and sales. I honestly love helping people help themselves. It is so rewarding because I know how it was when I was younger. Always dealing with body issues really takes a toll on the soul. I want people to love themselves, get healthy and truly feel happy. I know it is possible and I am working one day at a time to prove that to each person I come in contact with.
Regarding my own training, I decided not to do a show. Not because I am not ready or won’t be ready but more so the money part. Entering a show is quite expensive and right now I took a huge pay cut and can’t afford to compete at this time. Once I get back on my feet it will be a different story but until then I will continue to train like I am stepping on stage minus the whole 3+ hours at the gym. I am working hard, training hard but not as hard as I would need to come competition time. I don’t do more than 45-60 minutes of cardio merely because I don’t want to burn out. I plan on staying lean, eating healthy but enjoying life. I now spend 10+ hours at the gym so I really have to be cautious about how I spend my time. I am definitely looking forward to the changes in my body though, some of which have already arrived. My boyfriend comments all the time on how I am leaning out and the definition in my legs agree too! Loving it!! But like always, always a work in progress and I don’t mind!