Tag Archives: lifestyle

Understanding the process.

You will get there when you are meant to get there and not a moment sooner. So relax, breathe, and be patient.

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Life as I know it (for the time being)!

WOW.. it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks. Up and down an all around…

Lets first start off by saying how hard this is to type, considering I fractured the BLEEP out of my left hand. I just finished up with the doctor just a few short hours ago, where we decided to go ahead with surgery. I’m not saying
I’m thrilled, but happy that things should be back to normal in a few weeks. That being said, I have had two legit work outs in the last 3 weeks. Lets just say, I have been rather depressed. Seems like it’s a domino effect lately. More so, because I am constantly reminded of my lack of being able to do.. well just about anything. For the first week, I couldn’t even put my hair up, or tie my own shoes. Boy, did it make me feel guilty. Just always taking things for granted.. really made me appreciate the things in my life more. Maybe that’s why it happened… who knows..

Regardless, I am still facing challenges each and every day, and not being able to work out has made me feel .. like I lost part of myself. All I have ever known, has been working out and personal training.. and something this small has taken that from me (for the time being). I was deadlifting 255 for REPS and really pushing forward with my prep for competition. I mean.. this happened the day before I was supposed to compete in a DL comp, where the girl who won (and there was ONLY 1 GIRL in the comp) only lifted 235lbs.. let me tell you… that did not sit with me well.

Although my lifting has taken a back seat for a bit (I still lift legs as much as possible, and as much as I can), I promised myself that my “diet” will be the thing that holds me together. I was scared at first.. I was eating cookies practically every day and still  maintaining.. I was barely doing any cardio.. and then BAM! Active lifestyle cut short. I had to do something or I was going to self destruct.

So far so good.

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To be honest, my body is taking the lack of heavy lifting extremely well. I couldn’t believe it.. I woke up and had abs sitting up! Nothing I am doing is crazy extreme.. all I am doing is watching what I eat.. aaaaaaaand passing up the cookies (just for now). I am not counting calories, my macros.. nothing.. I probably should be but until I feel its necessary, I would rather just eat. I do prep my meals still, but again, no measuring of anything. I do take spin classes every other day (heavy resistance), to get SOME activity in my life. Like I said, I would be lost without it… I mean.. it really is my life. Even if I can’t train myself, I train people for a living and now, I can’t even spot someone correctly…  😦 But.. that’s not what this is about.

It’s about appreciating life. Really.. just in general. I mean, I broke a finger and I felt hopeless at times.. I felt like I lost myself.. I felt dependent on people for the dumbest things. Shout out to Justine for tying my shoes countless times..

smh..

But it made me appreciate the fact that I still have every other working limb. That in 4 weeks, I will be healed. Where as others won’t. Where mine seems so minor compared to others. I could only imagine the pain the suffering others with major health issues face. I pray for them, and I will continue to pray for them. When something is taken from you it affects you emotionally, and some times those emotions get the best of you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I appreciate every single client, gym goer, and just random strangers, that try to boost my moral each and every day. It has been so heart warming to know that even if people are just being nosy, they took the time to ask how I was doing. It really has made me so much more appreciative of the life I live.

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2 week progress and a crap ton of pictures.

Well would you look at that.. the longest I’ve gone without broadcasting my life for the world to see!

LOL. A lot has gone on I don’t even know where to begin.. Or because I forgot just how long I went without posting for… Hmm..

Lets start off with…. SOME BAD ASS PROGRESS, shall we??! 😛

Beginning and up until 11/27-

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2 week difference and a $30 spray tan.

2 week difference and a $30 spray tan.

This is a 2 week difference. All I have been doing is lifting heavy shit and following my meal plan to a T. Barely any cardio unless you count boxing for 45 minutes on saturday. I rarely do any now thinking I am going to lose my ass. Speaking of which!

Le ex (going to be current very soon) boyfriend said that my butt was getting smaller.. that’s like.. THEE worst thing to hear when you start dieting down.. It took me back to when I first competed and stairmastered my ass right off! That’s when I thought giving up my ass for abs was detrimental to my physique.

Wrong.

Anyways.. IT WENT UP .5″ YESSSSIRRREEEE BOB! Johnny said it was just because it’s lifted now.. chhheeyeah! I am actually supposed to take my measurements next week.. but I have been eating super bad lately. Ever since Thanksgiving.. FML. I need to cut it out. Its been the last 3 days. Nothing like HORRIBLE.. but like last night. He came over and we ate shit food at 2am after eating and working out like a boss. But I wanted it. I don’t know.. I don’t want to use the whole I have 3 months bullshit anymore because I’ve done that before and it blew up in my face, but 3 months and apparently I was dropping weight too quickly.

Thanksgiving night and the next morning. Got the boy eating right and working out and we even hit the gym the following day..

Thanksgiving night and the next morning. Got the boy eating right and working out and we even hit the gym the following day..

I don’t know. I’m going to do my body fat again and reassess my life … er mood then. Either way, I am going to stick to my meal plan until further notice and just get shredded. Fuck this fat food.

Hmmm… what else do I have to say..

Just been working and working out. Hopefully making Phitness Aesthetics into something awesome.. working on getting shredded… picking up more clients.. working on a relationship with fellow boyfriend.. Noticing the difference of when I give a shit vs when I don’t.. and I am much happier when I do….

Here are a few pictures because I don’t want to write anymore..

OH! and I saved a dog! Long story short I saw a lot of commotion on a busy highway type street and saw a dog in the median =. I slammed on my breaks and ran to the dog. Some lady was making her way to him so I figured it was hers but it wasn’t. She agreed to take it to the vet so I volunteered to get the dog to the car quarter of a mile up. He wouldn’t budge so I did what any normal gym rat would do and I deadlifted his ass and proceeded on my way.

HA!

Me weighing out almonds before we went shopping on Thanksgiving.

Me weighing out almonds before we went shopping on Thanksgiving.

The cake we made to take for dinner. Coffee Cake from scratch. Funny thing is, we were preparing to get all the ingredients at the store and literally saw a box mix of the same shit. Needless to say... we made it from scratch.. :)

The cake we made to take for dinner. Coffee Cake from scratch. Funny thing is, we were preparing to get all the ingredients at the store and literally saw a box mix of the same shit. Needless to say… we made it from scratch.. 🙂 lol..

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It wasn't bad. FULL of sugar but I burnt the bottom and it needed more cinnamon swirl in the middle..

It wasn’t bad. FULL of sugar but I burnt the bottom and it needed more cinnamon swirl in the middle..

Hooters. Need I say more?

Hooters. Need I say more?

Yes I go out in public with my hair like this.

Yes I go out in public with my hair like this.

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The boy and I on our way to dinner.

The boy and I on our way to dinner.

 

Just so happens portillos salads have 4oz of chicken. On the dot.

Just so happens portillos salads have 4oz of chicken. On the dot.

 

Yes I used a filter but I was just happy with how my chest and shoulders look. Oh! and a badass shirt that says, "Lift heavy shit"! Thanks to Cylia <3

Yes I used a filter but I was just happy with how my chest and shoulders look. Oh! and a badass shirt that says, “Lift heavy shit”! Thanks to Cylia ❤

Flowers I received at work. BEAUTIFUL!

Flowers I received at work. BEAUTIFUL!

Ugh! Funny story behind this as well....... I cant remember which night... oh wait  nevermind, after hooters we ran our fat asses to coldstone. They were closing in 15 minutes so I always feel bad. But I made it short and sweet. However, I went to grab Mikes smoothie which are a pain to make (I worked at DQ for 4 years) and always make a mess... welll.. I grabbed it to hard and the mositure of the drink it slipped and spilled everywhere... She was happy to make another one (I also tipped her $2 more dollars), but as soon as we left I heard and saw her screaming. Ugh. She should of waited till we got in our car because it looked horrible. I cleaned up most of it. Keep it together.

Ugh! Funny story behind this as well……. I can’t remember which night… oh wait never mind, after Hooters we ran our fat asses to cold stone. They were closing in 15 minutes so I always feel bad. But I made it short and sweet. However, I went to grab Mikes smoothie which are a pain to make (I worked at DQ for 4 years) and always make a mess… welll.. I grabbed it to hard and the moisture of the drink it slipped and spilled everywhere… She was happy to make another one (I also tipped her $2 more dollars), but as soon as we left I heard and saw her screaming. Ugh. She should have waited till we got in our car because it looked horrible. I cleaned up most of it. Keep it together.

The best for last, RIP Paul Walker.

The best for last, RIP Paul Walker.

 

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Procrastination Post.

Figured I would take this time to reflect. One because I usually do on Sundays and two because things are either about to get a lot better or a lot worse. My boyfriend broke up with me today. Okay maybe he didn’t but long story short, we should have a long time ago. He wanted to talk about it, I simply want to wake away liking him as an amazing person that he is rather someone I despise. Who knows but after this post, I am going to bed. My head hurts and I honestly was going to go out and eat a “cheat meal” aka emotional binge and validating it like a boss. But I didn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. I had an amazing leg work out, 30 minutes of incline walking, and 2 games of basketball in which I can hardly move. It may be a combination of a ridiculous work out and me taking out 2 guys during a game of basketball. Awkward. yet So badass. My battle wounds are getting better day by day. Lol.. kidding.. but seriously let me enjoy it because I could barely walk up and down the stairs yesterday..

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

Workouts have been on point and so was eating. I ended the four-week no cheat and felt like shit doing it. I don’t know. Thinking going lighter.. or at least find a way I feel less guilty about it. Anyways. Not unhappy at all. My body is definitely making progress and I am super stoked. I just need to stay consistent. It is literally key.

Yesterdays leg work out, which I was not excited to find out they were doing legs when I walked in. They were literally mid hack squat and me almost not making the work out, realized I would not have been unhappy if I did. Lol. But it was awesome. I felt (or didn’t feel lol) things I havent felt in a while. Justine had to literally extend a hand to help me off. It was crazy, exhilarating and hurt so damn bad. But good. ya know? ;p My legs were numb. H actually checked my legs out to make sure I didn’t tear anything. Crazy. Lol.. And to think that was JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE WORKOUT@!!!!!! Anyways we did some leg curls ext jefferson squats which are just annoying.. and finished with jumps squats I believe. It was insane. I chilled for a bit and went to chipotle. I ordered food and yet I was not hungry. I felt like I wanted to puke smelling everything. I ended up enjoying the water more than anything.. So I saved 1/2 of it and drank some Gatorade. I finished with clients, did 30 minutes of incline walking with Cylia and late at night played 2 games of basketball after Todd asked H but he declined. After first so did I but after they played a game he got me to play. It was nuts. My legs hurt so bad. We won. That is all.

Lmao.

I am slowing getting better. Going to lift back tomorrow which I am actually quite happy about. I want to post some progress ISH pictures. Mostly because in this picture I finally went under 150lbs! It was about damn time. Lol. Not that I care but it was a little small hooray type ordeal.

Imaweirdo.com

Imaweirdo.com

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

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😛

Wednesday: Clearly I haven’t found enough time to get to a wifi connection to post this. I have friday off so I will edit and post. I let this whole break up ruin my work out today. Then I ate some oreos. I realized that I take care of everyone before myself. I am 50% sure I want this break up. I validate binging and eating like shit on any bad situation. enjoy in the time, then hate myself not for eating it because I clearly loved it but hate that I am either behind now on how I want to look or I have more work to do. Knowing that I set myself back is the only reason I feel guilty about eating crap food. MMMMMMM I dont know. I feel sad.

#Americanhorrostory brb ;P

Thursday: Passed out after AHS. I love this show. Slept in, rescheduled the two clients I had. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been crying lately. Speaking of crying.. I was on facebook.. yep reactivated it.. and it was a series of photos that this husband took of his wife while going thru cancer. It was so touching. So sad, but the very last picture was her tombstone that read “I loved it all”, and as I am sitting here hurting over a hard lesson of a break up and this women was battling cancer and still loved life. I instantly was wiping tears from my face and really needed to take some time to reflect on all of this.

I will not allow it to succumb me. You can either crumble or you can conquer and conquer I sure as fuck will.

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NPC Ironman Bikini

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

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Top 3 Physique

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

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Being mentally strong..

is just as important, if not more, than being physically strong. Or, its at least, its beginning stepping stone…

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I am a few days out from a few girls and I’s challenge of a 4 week no cheat. Yes, I’ve done it before but I chose to do it again. This time, I understand how even the slightest mention of something satisfyingly saturated, could immediately be followed with singles to the brain that its craving something crazy! I actually think that’s a fact. That seeing something could stimulate the mind to want/ or desire it. Which clearly makes sense. This month though, was tough. I did have a few oreos last night (I don’t know what got into me! they were even in the house for 3 days before I CAVED!!!!), but that was the extent of it. I want to go just another day longer to make up for it. I feel like I cheated. Maybe I’ll do it again one day. However, I have learned my lesson.

Everything in moderation.

I did have a quite an easy time “adapting”.. I kept on making those muffins I posted earlier. All sorts of flavors. This time, I “frosted” one. I found cinnamon cream cheese from laughing cow and KNEW I had to put them together. I should have played with the frosting a bit more, or at least adding another LC wedge. Even so, a few co workers of mine loved them. Hopefully lol. But I enjoyed them. So it was nice being able to eat something that didn’t consist of chicken.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip with Cinnamon Laughing Cow Cream Cheese and a Greek Yogurt "Frosting". Thinking about adding raisins instead of chocolate chips.. Or... maybe both ;)

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip with Cinnamon Laughing Cow Cream Cheese and a Greek Yogurt “Frosting”. Thinking about adding raisins instead of chocolate chips.. Or… maybe both 😉

My shopping cart for the week. You see the laughing cow over there to the upper right. Clearly a bunch of essentials like chicken greek yogurt unsweetened apple sauce bananas apples eggs ext. The flavored yogurt however, is when I really am craving something sweet. I def always look at the back of the labels and compare how many calories/sugars/protein they have. For being flavored, light and fit brand is a great choice at only 80 calories and 1/2 of the grams of sugar per any other flavored GY out there.

My shopping cart for the week. You see the laughing cow over there to the upper right. Clearly a bunch of essentials like chicken greek yogurt unsweetened apple sauce bananas apples eggs ext. The flavored yogurt however, is when I really am craving something sweet. I def always look at the back of the labels and compare how many calories/sugars/protein they have. For being flavored, light and fit brand is a great choice at only 80 calories and 1/2 of the grams of sugar per any other flavored GY out there.

Ideas to curb those cravings:

Another way to curb cravings, QUEST BARS! Please, whoever is reading this. Please do yourself a favor and invest in these bad boys. They are extremely guilt free with every bite feeling like youre cheating on your diet. I have recently starting baking them and they are A M A Z I N G! Bake at 400 dedgrees for about 7-8 minutes, flipping half way through!

QUEST BARS! Please, whoever is reading this. Please do yourself a favor and invest in these bad boys. They are extremely guilt free with every bite feeling like youre cheating on your diet. I have recently starting baking them and they are A M A Z I N G! Bake at 400 dedgrees for about 7-8 minutes, flipping half way through!

Hmmm.. Yet ANOTHER quest bar. Imagine that.. This one is the Apple Pie. I baked it and..... my lanta it was even better than the Brownie, and that is by far my favorite far hands down.. SO YOU KNOW ITS GOOD! Haha.. and would you look at that.. More cinnamon cream cheese from the Laughing Cow. Lol #addicted.

Hmmm.. Yet ANOTHER quest bar. Imagine that.. This one is the Apple Pie. I baked it and….. my lanta it was even better than the Brownie, and that is by far my favorite far hands down.. SO YOU KNOW ITS GOOD! Haha.. and would you look at that.. More cinnamon cream cheese from the Laughing Cow. Lol #addicted.

I made these twice now. They are sweet potato protein pancakes. Yep. 1/4c whole wheat flour (can use any one if trying to go gluten free), 1/4-1/2 sweet potato, 2TBS brown rice protein powder, 1/4teaspoon both baking powder/soda, 1 egg, and milk (or water) till it hits the consistency of pancake batter. Proceed like normal pancakes. I then layered the pancakes with... YUP! The Laughing Cow CC lol. I had to heat the cheese up just a bit so it could spread more evenly. I added a few more CC to each layer as well. The chocolate I used was 70% cacao, 32 cc per serving.

I made these twice now. They are sweet potato protein pancakes. Yep. 1/4c whole wheat flour (can use any one if trying to go gluten free), 1/4-1/2 sweet potato, 2TBS brown rice protein powder, 1/4teaspoon both baking powder/soda, 1 egg, and milk (or water) till it hits the consistency of pancake batter. Proceed like normal pancakes. I then layered the pancakes with… YUP! The Laughing Cow CC lol. I had to heat the cheese up just a bit so it could spread more evenly. I added a few more CC to each layer as well. The chocolate I used was 70% cacao, 32 cc per serving.

Ooops.. ;P

Ooops.. ;P

 

Back to Road to Ripped progress thus far..

I doubt I will compete in bikini in November but I am going to keep training like I do have a goal in mind lol. I just got done with a work out. I actually worked out this morning at around 730am. The boy was sleeping and I had been up with the puppy going the bathroom since 4am. I could not fall back asleep, so I figured why waste time and creep instagram when I could be doing something productive. I finished 45 minutes of interval training and ended up going to breakfast for my post work out which was nice. I did, just get back from a lifting session though. I took Marley to the doctor and 3 hours later, decided I needed to hit shoulders, or lift s o m e t h i n g. I tried to go heavy but a spot would have been nice. Before I finished 15 minutes of cardio, I took progress pictures.. so hopefully I can get all that put together b speaking of pictures, I need to go to CVS or something to pick up a disposal camera. I want to start photographing clients. I need to track their progress more than just a lousy scale and a huge measuring tape. I want to get serious, especially with everything happening with the “promotion”. I mean, don’t take that the wrong way, I give a shit. Trust me.. but I don’t know. That’s a whole nother story that I don’t think I am ready to write yet. More so, because it hasn’t been taken care of/solved yet, so this is the last place I want to risk my job at/for… haha… Besides, how many people click the link from my instagram account? Though I did delete FB the other day… yes… Don’t miss it though, phew!

Marley always getting spoiled. Turns out she was or is having a false pregnancy. A little scary but nothing as scary as having to leave the room while they cut her nails. :(:(:( My poor baby!

Marley always getting spoiled. Turns out she was or is having a false pregnancy. A little scary but nothing as scary as having to leave the room while they cut her nails. :(:(:( My poor baby!

Sorry, ADD.

Progress. Yes. I feel like, with the meaning behind this post title, that I have become something I have never been before. I am hoping that not only does my body change, but that I do to, inside. I need some light shed upon this dark cloud above my head…

Physically, I stepped my cardio game up. In a few days I will start tracking calorie intake and out (via my Heart Rate Monitor) and see how things play out. I can say though, that I have hit some new highs in regards to weight and I am loving it. I hurt my wrist a bit (got wrist wraps now) trying to go heavy on my vertical press (but was really hurt doing wheel barrels up the stairs and hand stands) and took a few days off from upper body. I couldn’t even do a push up.. However, in the few short days or weeks, I don’t even know when that was, I hit 105lb for 5(ish) reps (more like 3) on the incline. I also managed over 300lbs for about 10 reps on the leg press and 205lb dead lift for 5 reps.

I really like where all this is going.

Justine (my work out partner) trying out the Leg Ext machine a rather different way. Amazing and one of my new favorite exercises.

Justine (my work out partner) trying out the Leg Ext machine a rather different way. Amazing and one of my new favorite exercises.

Just now, after posting this picture, I receive a text from Justine. I feel like we are both on the same path traveling together on this road to ripped, we have played out in our minds. She is a great girl and has the drive of any one else there willing to put blood sweat and tears in this sport. What gets us all, and has everything to do with the title of this post, is that our minds seem to work against us in some situations. Comparing oneself to anyone else is one of them, and something Justine and I both struggle with. The idea that we will just keep traveling the same path with no added benefits sure sounds like hell to me.. but that’s because we haven’t had that positive mind set. Anyone can tell us anything, but until we believe it, its in one ear out the other. This low self-esteem results in constantly pick ourselves apart..

We need to have faith that what we are doing will ONE DAY pay off.. so why not take it ONE DAY at a time and enjoy the ride, instead of wanting to get off and not ride it at all… I for one, love roller coasters.. and although the ups right now aren’t exactly what I would like, I need to finish one ride before I can try another one out. So, I am sticking to this game plan. Justine. We got this. Lets go another 4 weeks top-notch, system in full gear, and after those 4 weeks well reevaluate the plan again? Okay? I promise.. time will tell and trust me, this sport you NEED patience. We all need patience.

Every single one of us.

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Hump Day Photo Hoarder PII

Lets start with some bad ass motivation!

Lets start with some bad ass motivation!

LOVE THIS!

LOVE THIS!

“Once upon a time, I started working hard to get the results I wanted. But I still fuck up lots.”

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READ

THIS

THIS

I’ve been thinking a lot about guilt lately. Food guilt, not working out guilt, not doing ENOUGH in a work out guilt.

I’ve come a long way from how I use to think about food. As a reward, as a punishment, as a sacrifice to be made. It happened fairly gradually but I made a conscious decision to CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE. You’ve heard it before food is fuel to feed the beast. I KNOW this. I know I work hard and that I’m eating food. Food that my body needs almost all of the time.

I had my cheat meal last night that I allow myself once a week for sanitys sake. If was absolutely, fantastically delicious and I enjoyed every bite. But you know what else it came with? A little side of guilt. Still? Grrr. So I acknowledged it and sent it the hell away. I don’t have the room in my brain or the time in my life to waste it on that shit.

Before I mightve let that guilty feeling drown me in a pile of Ferrero Roche for the next two days.. .Now I put Ferrero Roche on my list for next weeks cheat.

Look at how random and handsome Bob is. We are babysitting him :)

Look at how random and handsome Bob is. We are babysitting him 🙂

SICK transformation. I love reminding myself with pictures like this, that if they could do it, why couldnt I?

SICK transformation. I love reminding myself with pictures like this, that if they could do it, why couldn’t I? I LACK CONSISTENCY!!!!!!!!!!!

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Ashley Horner. Her legs make me nervous.

So, here are a few photos I have saved that should be shared. I have a love hate relationship with motivational pictures, believe it or not but I can sure as HELL appreciate a beautiful body. Ive been hanging in there. 3 days of the clean eating challenge, down successfully. Score. Slowly working my way back up with weights considering my wrist feels like a new born babys lack of support.

I dont know..  makin me nerrrvous. :/

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Picture Hoarder Part I

I get a lot of crap for always taking so many pictures (i e thanks boyfriend). Of just about everything. I don’t know what it is, I just like to capture the moment of something I enjoyed, in some way shape of form.

So as I was trying to update the software for the iphone (gofigure eh?), my pictures starting downloading. And now I have realized I do in fact take, keep or store tons of pictures. I want to try to motivate people with things that have truly wow’d me, or just something that I obviously thought was worth keeping. Yes, I guess you could say I’m a picture hoarder.

L O L.

This could mean more to me than just the sexy ass bod! Seriously, this is beyond bad ass.

This could mean more to me than just the sexy ass bod! Seriously, this is beyond bad ass.

 

I believe these are called champagnes. AND OMG I LOVE THEM! They hurt so bad yet sooooooo good.

I believe I’ve done these, but were called champagnes. AND OMG I LOVE THEM! They hurt so bad yet sooooooo good.

 

This back speaks for itself #motivation.

This back speaks for itself #motivation.

 

So, as you can see, in most cases I screen shot the picture. Unless I am using it on my instagram, I will leave the pictures like this to ensure that the correct person can take credit for the picture (especially recipes).

Please. PLEAAASSSSSSEEEE Let me find these babies. I just KNOW these are fantastic.

Please. PLEAAASSSSSSEEEE Let me find these babies. I just KNOW these are fantastic. #lemoniloveyou #teamoreo

 

Just one bad B.

Such a great capture. Just one bad b.

 

#SAYNOTODIETS

#SAYNOTODIETS

But honestly, this picture is FLIPPING hiliarious. Not to forget that the girl who posted it is just as funny. I literally watch her videos over and over like a creep because she is THAT funny. Check her out on instagram @mo_lllly. I always see good food and (for the most part) always take a bit. I can always do more cardio, but sometimes good food doesnt always come around when youre allowed to “eat it” ( as in if you have a “cheat meal”). If and when I am not competing, I will always have something if I want it. Why would you ever deny yourself something that would make you happy, 5 seconds or not? I love food. If I want a bite of a cupcake or well, the whole damn thing I will. And you should too. Keep your sanity, youll thank me later…

And since I seem to SS (screen shot) ALOT, and most of them either motivation or a recipe, they get lost. So, I definitely want to start writing down the recipes or at least shooting the picture (with cred!) on here just so I can refer to the website instead of scrolling through hundreds of thousands of pictures. Here is a recipe that I’ll end this episode of picture hoarding with 🙂

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Pretty simple. I like recipes in which I would have majority of the ingredients already at home. I want to start a collection that could better assist my clients with. Snacking is a huge ordeal when it comes down to working out and getting in shape. I need to come up with something that takes the punishment out of “dieting” with.

Just a little check in. Woke up around 6am took a few clients and ended with 45 minutes of cardio. I ate, and now time for a little nap. The only thing is my iphone is still updating because it has started and stopped 4 times because the lap top was no longer in use.. DECISIONS DECISIONS!!!!

 

ZZZzzZzZZZZZZZzzzZZZ

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Birthday, Binging and Bitching.

Well well well.. If you would look at that… what’s it been.. over a week now?

In that case, lets take a look into what I have been doing, or have not been doing with a little recap, and random as hell pictures I have taken through out the week…

So, life caught up to me and I have been having a lot of ups and downs. Still trying to feel afloat and stay positive thru everything that’s been thrown at me. I guess that’s all you can do right? A long story short, the week drastically turned for the worse when I visited my college looking for a few answers and was left with nothing. Literally nothing. No financial aid, nothing. I have no idea what went wrong but without help I cannot afford to go. Though, I am taking that with a grain a salt and focusing on spending that time studying for my NASM certificate. My certification that I have now, doesn’t expire for a little less than a year, but I want to refresh myself. I also want a more recognized certification, not some run of the mill one that I currently have.

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Spent friday before work, walking pitbulls at a rescue.

Spent Friday before work, walking pit bulls at a rescue.

After school took a dump on me, I was feeling insecure about the relationship I have with my boyfriend. Things have been super rocky and this takes a total toll on my life. I can’t allow that anymore. I am done over analyzing and not trusting him. Because in the end, I AM THE ONE SUFFERING!!! I am no longer holding my true self hostage over some one else. Yes, I still love him and will love him and will continue the relationship as long as its healthy, but no more doing what I have been doing to myself. Nope. Not going to happen. I would rather lose the relationship than myself.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But thats because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.  Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But that’s because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.
Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Lets jump around to another day shall we? One night we went to his buddies house, after we got some food at Jason’s Deli. I got a whole wheat wrap with spinach and turkey. Or should I say, a spinach wrap with a side of turkey. I was a little disappointed. Had mixed steamed veggies on the side as well. Though shortly after, my stomach started hurting. I ended up spending the entire time on the total debating whether I should move, or if I was in fact going to puke. Lets just say, I made it to the couch safe and sound. Now, this wasn’t exciting but this lead to my binging.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:     2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)     1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt     1/2 tsp cinnamon     2 tsp baking powder     1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)     pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice     1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)     1 cup milk of choice (240g)     1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)     3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)     1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g) Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:
2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)
1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)
pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)
1 cup milk of choice (240g)
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)
3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)
1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g)
Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Yes, you read that right. I, for the first time in MONTHS, binged. I believe it started Sunday night, or mid afternoon. I don’t know what got into me, but after going a month without cheat meals, I went crazy. Waffles and ice cream, chocolate up the ass. Literally.. carbs for days. I don’t know if I was just drained, mentally.. or deprived.. or depressed.. but I definitely stress ate the fuck out of everything in sight. Maybe it was because I knew my birthday was only days away.. but then again that would just be a validation and fuck those. So.. Monday was an all or nothing.. then it led to Tuesday as well. By Wednesday (my birthday), I believe I was alright. I got a work out in (the first one of the week) and continued to eat good.. That is till I got home. I told my boyfriend I was binging (which is the first time I have ever admitted to it) and he felt pretty bad. I think it was because he ended up bringing a pie over (again, for my birthday) and didn’t want me to feel anymore guilty. But let me tell you. I was looking forward to it and regardless of whatever was going on inside my head, it was birthday and I was going to eat it regardless.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

So, I spent my birthday pretty low key. Hung around the house, got to sleep pretty early. Thursday I had to be up at 4am because I had to wash my spray tan off (L O L) and had clients starting around 5am. Eating wise, I did okay. Snuck a few bites of pie in but nothing too crazy. Wonder why? well let me just cure your curiosity. The boy and I went to an all you can eat meat buffet. Yep. Texas de Brazil 🙂 I knew that going on an empty stomach wasn’t the smartest idea, as you may or may not believe. So I made sure I ate a little previously to eating dinner. THe night didn’t go as planned but I am not going to go into detail about it because I plan on moving on and remembering the good times. After we left for dinner, we rented a movie and got a small thing of ice cream. He mentioned going to the casino but by this time it was around 11pm and anyone that knows me even the slightest bit knows that by 11pm I want to pass the F out.. However.. I was actually open to the idea. After bumming around for 30 minutes we headed out. We only spent about an hour there. The first machine we sat down next to, I ended up winning $75. That was nice. Considering I have been to many casinos and HAVE NEVER WON BEFORE! I ended up cashing out, giving the boo back $20 and kept $40 in my pocket so I would be up all night. Left the casino and headed to bed.

Now we have today. Ate a pretty healthy “breakfast” at around 2pm and hung out with each other till I hate to leave for work at 3. I got to work and trained 2 clients, and then….. had 6 cancellations. Yep. So I ended up half assing a work out, went to the store for a few things and arrived home around 7:30pm.

Now.. a recap of what I have learned this week:

I needed to take a break from eating as clean as I did for 4 weeks.
I cannot depend on someone for my own happiness.
I can eat a lot.

Basically that sums up everything. But since this is a road to ripped, fitness enthused blog. I wanted to take a little look into what this week really meant. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That being said, I truly believe I needed this week “off” to gain control back. I needed to take a look at myself, whether it was in disgust (I mean.. come on. How would you feel THOUSANDS OF CALORIES later???), or in a positive manner. I ended up gaining 7 lbs and although I felt like crap the days I ate like crap (coincidence?), I was physically and mentally drained. I am currently 13 weeks out from another bikini show (which is a huge amount of time), and excited to get back on track. Because although I was LOVING the progress I was making, everything seemed like a chore to me. I was excited about working out (WHEN I was working out) but prior everything about the day was just annoying me. Prepping my meals, working out for however long, dealing with people and clients who didn’t take training seriously, or whatever it was… it was on my last nerve.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

So, what I am trying to say, is that sometimes we all need just a mini “vaca” away from our every day life once in a while. Especially if you are competing or working out tremendously throughout the week, you have to LISTEN to your body. NO! I am NOT saying to binge in any way shape or form.. but give yourself a break. If you want a PB&J sandwich.. have that motherfucking PB&J sandwich. This is LIFE.. you are supposed to enjoy it. Don’t fall victim to becoming obsessive and unhealthy about what you are doing. Training should give you a mental toughness on what you can endure. It is a way of life. It is supposed to help motivate you to make healthier decisions, to live longer, to be HAPPY and in LOVE with the person that’s looking back at you in mirror. Try to find a balance. We all just need to find a balance.

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Tearing $%#@ UP!

Alright, I am obviously not going to be able to write everyday on this thing. Mostly because I am always tired, but more so because my life isn’t that interesting.

C doing her second set of squats. SQUEEZING her glutes!

C doing her second set of squats. SQUEEZING her glutes!

Any who, yesterday I had a kick ass leg work out. I worked out with H and C and tore shit up (at the end.. I thought I tore shit, literally). We started with squats. It went a little like this:

15 warm up squats with just the bar
30 x 95lbs
20 x 135lbs
10 x 165lbs
20 x 135lbs
30 x 95lbs

Each set, we super setted with dead lifts (around 15-20 reps) @ 60lbs. The last 2 sets with 80lbs.

This took an hour and I thought I was going to cry. I was going to tap out, but decided to finish with some leg presses. I did 2 sets of 60 reps with 140lbs. However, I had to take a break in between rep 25 lol. Now.. After THIS I thought I was game over but the dude that came half way in between our squatting session, and I made a unanimous decision we were no longer doing compound exercises. So we opted for leg curl and calf raise. I did ONE set of each and couldn’t physically do anymore. I walked, like a new-born calf, to our pt corner and immediately rolled out my legs using a foam roller. I was going to cry. It felt like I had torn my hamstrings and I was NOT liking this feeling. A few minutes into rolling, I felt fine. I think this helped tremendously and will be more consistent with that little devil.

Post leg day, went to hipotle.

Double steak FTW!

Double steak FTW!

Today, I was fine. I got up and trained from 6-8:30am and wasnt as sore as I thought I would be (tomorrow might be a different story). I had a quest bar on the way to work around 5:45am, and when I came home ate a huge bowl of oatmeal. I usually don’t like oatmeal, but I have been putting tons of fruit in it to make it.. actually quite good.

-1

Here, I have strawberries, blueberries and a handful of kashi go lean crunch cereal. This is my second day in a row having oatmeal. Imagine that.

Afterwards, I took a nap and decided to skip my upper body work out. I needed rest. My body is taking a beating and regardless of how lean I want to look, I (and YOU) NEED to listen you your body. When its hungry, hurting, tired. LISTEN TO IT!!!!! I slept till around 11am, and got up to eat some brown rice, broccoli and chicken.

Around 1pm, I took Marley to the park and did a little work out. In around 35 minutes of doing, bench jumps (like box jumps, just.. well on a bench), push ups, lunges and single leg squats, I burned 185 calories (40% from fat).

3:30pm – 8pm Trained clients.

In between, I had 1/2c greek yogurt with a handful of blueberries and a plain chicken breast with mustard. HA!

8:30pm Did some cardio. 8.0 incline (on the treadmill because the stairmaster was taken by 3 people who clearly didn’t care much about getting a decent work out in) and a speed of 2.8-3.0. I then left the incline and sprinted for about 30-40 seconds. Dropped the incline to 0 and the speed to 1.0 and did walking lunges (20). Did this 4 times. I then did some ab work and burned in that 40 minutes 241 calories (35% from fat).

Came home and ate some cottage cheese. Saving some calories for a grill session with the boy in an hour or so.

That was my crazy life! Tomorrow I will train upper body. I really want to bench because I haven’t done it in a while but H wont be there. Leaving my back alone for a bit so I will focus on chest and tris. Always want to take my measurements tomorrow. I think I lost my originals so I am not happy but it is what it is. Hopefully I still have my first pictures so that will at least show some progress.

Buttttt I have been thinking that even though I am week 2 of my 4 week no cheat, I want to put in more work. I still have more than 3 months till this bikini comp (that I am training for) but I feel like I am not losing weight. Now, I tell all my clients not to worry about the scale instead focus on clothes fitting, how you feel and look in the mirror but your progress during your work out sessions. So why should I not take my own advice? I just feel like I am comparing myself too much to other girls (C to be exact) that I am not focusing on myself. I am still eating around 2000 calories (A LOT of room for changes) but I feel my mind is pushing me in two different directions. Like, get lean! and the other side is, be patient- focus on lifting! Shoot! One day at a time.. One DAY AT A T I M E!

ONE
DAY
AT
A
TIME.

Repeat over and over and over again. I need to focus one day at a time.

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Eat, pray, lift!

Going to be short and sweet today!

Got home around 11pm last night from watching The Conjuring (don’t see btw) and ate a quest bar before bed (besides all the carrots I ate at the movies, LOL)! I was still hungry and lazy, don’t judge!

- 4 whole eggs - 3 slices turkey bacon - some cheddar cheese

– 1 whole wheat wrap
– 4 whole eggs
– 3 slices turkey bacon
– some cheddar cheese

Woke up around 5am, got out of bed around 530am. Ate another quest bar on the way to work and trained 4 people. Ate a banana on the way home and slept till around 11am when the boy had to leave. I got up and made breakfast but knowing what time it was already, I really didn’t think I would make a work out around 12 because I still had to cook food for the day, so I slept some more. Which including me dreaming about cinnamon toast crunch.

I love sleep.

Got up around 2:30pm and made my food for the day. It was a short day, so all I made was chicken, broccoli and got a container of cottage cheese ready. I ate a whole wheat pita with 1/2 PB in the process.

3:30pm I left for work.4-8:30pm Had clients straight through. Except a cancellation at 5:30, so I went to GNC to buy……..Quest Bars. You guessed it!

9pm Got home and talked with the madre for a bit then around 10pm I did an at home work out:

10 25lb Kettlebell Swings
10 25lb Single Arm Shoulder Press’
10 12lb Lateral Raises
10 25lb Single Arm Upright Rows
10 Body Weight Walk Outs

5x about 60 sec rest in between.Burning just under 200 calories in 23 minutes.

Wasn’t a bad work out. I couldn’t think of missing another work out even if it wasn’t as long as I normally would train, it was still something! Walked downstairs to hydrate while my mom was asking wtf I was doing. “Working out mom!” Her- how many times do you work out? LOL well.. that’s a good sign, if I do say so myself!

Here is a current progress picture I took post the shoulder work out today:

photo 3

Definitely working hard on my arms. Training them differently than I ever have and I think I’m making a difference! Def my weakest part of my body but I am one determined girl!

Overall a pretty good day. Short, but hey! Sometimes it’s not always a bad thing (except when I get my paycheck). Tomorrow my day starts around 10am with (I know what will beeee) an amazing LEG work out, starting around noon!

Wish me LUCK!!

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