Tag Archives: Mother

Monday 22/83 (1/28)

Well, my weekend wasn’t too bad. Friday I went out to dinner with my aunt and uncle and we talked about a few things that have been bothering me in my life. Car troubles, work ext.. It was really nice to see them. They live pretty close to my work but I am always in a rush to get home (excuses yes, I’m well aware). So it’s always a pleasure to see them. Went to Blackfinn in Randhurst and ordered a nice big Caesar salad. At dinner we talked about getting certifies as a personal trainer again. It came down to them offering to pay for it (thinking about taking the NASM exam) which is so amazing of them. They really are such special people and very blessed that they are in my life. After dinner we headed home and I got a half assed work out in their bonus room upstairs (elliptical, treadmill, bike, weights, tanning ext). I suppose I was just not in the mood or whatever the fuck was going on in my head.

Aunt and Uncles beautiful home.

Aunt and Uncles beautiful home.

After that pathetic excuse to work out, I headed to Mike’s house. We didn’t do much except chill with a couple of his friends. Did nothing though, I would of rather spent that time in bed like I always do. Yes its nice to get out once in a while but I love my bed. I love sleeping. I love being lazy. Case closed.

Left pretty early Saturday morning because Mike had to be at the shop to work on his car so I decided to go home and start my day. I passed out (lmao) for an hour after making breakfast (eggs, ground turkey and onions), while my mother made oatmeal raisins cookies. meh. So my plan was to work out at 230pm before my tax return appointment at 4. However I have a really bad idea of time apparently and was stuck at a train at 245. Now.. this would have been fine (a solid hour of a workout) but I was training legs and needed to pick up a post work out meal prior to my appointment. So instead of rushing my work out I just decided to puts around and waste an hour so I could actually enjoy my work out. Did my return which only lasted about 20 minutes and headed right back to the gym. It was actually a pretty good work out besides me almost breaking my finger. Still swollen but nothing to bad, though did make dead lifting a littler header than normal. Again, no big deal I got through it. Went home and ate my go to meal of chicken brown rice and broccoli and did nothing besides laundry for the remainder of the night. Again let it be known I don’t give a fuck to go out, nor do I ever really want to. Going out always leads to extra calories consumed and well.. aint nobody got time for that.

Seriously mom????

Seriously mom????

Went to GNC before H&R to grab a few Quest Bars. After trying the banana nut I am so not a fan. Ol well.. Can't win em all!

Went to GNC before H&R to grab a few Quest Bars. After trying the banana nut I am so not a fan. Ol well.. Can’t win em all!

Just kidding, but seriously. Prepping and bringing your own food to places sometimes gets annoying. Yes, it is sometimes necessary but I could care less driving 45 minutes to go to a place I probably wouldn’t like in the first place… Unless its to eat.. then Id drive miles.

Baked Sweet Potato Fries (which chicken) for the mom and I on Saturday night.

Baked Sweet Potato Fries (which chicken) for the mom and I on Saturday night.

Sunday morning I got up around 10am, sore ALL over. From my legs to my back it was not comfortable. I actually put an icy hot patch on for a few hours. I made breakfast again and laid around with Marley and the mother. We decided to head to the forest preserve for a 5 mile walk. I was actually game for this because instead of being lazy and taking a day off or hurting myself more at the gym, I figured this was a great idea. I love spending time with my mom I just fucking love the shit out of her. We made it through even with getting caught in a little hail storm and picked up 2 bowls of chili from a near by restaurant. I love their chili and was so needed after that little adventure. Afterwards I cleaned up a little bit more and waited for my lovely boyfriend to make his way over.

My mom holding my hand <3 on our 5 mile walk.

My mom holding my hand

Seriously the Triangle Cafe in Grayslake has the best chili!

Seriously the Triangle Cafe in Grayslake has the best chili!

He arrived around 7pm and made me pick a restaurant I wanted to eat at. My first idea was Red Robin… I just wanted their salad bar SO bad. So we made our way out to Gurnee and arrived. Little did I know that I had mistaken Red Robin for Ruby Tuesdays.. soooo of course I goggled where the closet one was but after a failed attempt to search for what I think is non existent we chose Lone star. We ordered the awesome blossom which is well, fucking awesome and munched on that till my steak and his combo arrived at the table. We sort of rushed because he didn’t want to miss Wicked Tuna on tv so I took the dessert that came with my meal to go. Only to get to my house and it wasn’t on till 11pm. Ha!

But that didn’t matter.. I have 1/2 a brownie and some ice cream to eat! I shared of course 😉

The awesome blossom!

The awesome blossom!

Only had a few but steak fries with cheese (they forgot the bacon) :( and a 8oz sirloin cooked medium rare, duh.

Only had a few but steak fries with cheese (they forgot the bacon) 😦 and a 8oz sirloin cooked medium rare, duh.

Spent the rest of the night in the arms of the love of my life. A simple weekend that I must take advantage of now considering I am a few days shy of hitting the 8 week mark (it’s only going to get more hectic).

I am still only doing about 15 minutes of cardio, and consuming as much carbs as I feel necessary. Like I have mentioned before when I get closer I will change a few things up.

For example:Amount of cardio (could possibly range from 30-2 hours per day)
My diet- No fruits, limited carbs ext
No Diet coke (causes bloating) and
Lower my sodium intake (and trust me I am consuming a lot. I always have. I do have a feeling that when I cut my sodium I am going to lose A LOT of water weight).

Doesn't really count as a progress picture but my legs are leaning out already.

Doesn’t really count as a progress picture but my legs are leaning out already.

That is it for now. Realized I am not going to post progress pictures up just yet. I want to do the before and after and go into a full detail on my way of life.

This is my road to ripped.

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I needed this..

“Sometimes the best thing that you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess, just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.”

This is how today went (9/10)..

Mom had surgery on her foot not too long ago.. friday I believe. So she is a little crippled at the moment. No big deal.. except my mom gets flustered and cranky at the drop of a dime.. which I do too so I know how it feels/goes… So she must have been in one of her little moods and started talking about getting rid of my dog Marley.. for the second fucking time might I add. I had to get rid of her once because we moved.. took her back because she wasnt getting along with the other dog. A few weeks went by and my mom told me I really had to get rid of her, so I had an ex bf help me out and we found a home for her. I wasnt happy and it hurt every day I didn’t have her but I needed to do what I needed to do. I was put in a position that I really didn’t have a choice in so, so be it.  I think maybe a month went by and she came into my room crying, telling me I need to get Marley back. So I did. Now fast forward a few more months and were back to today.. Now Marley is a lot to handle. She gets overly excited and wants to be up in everyone’s grill. I personally love it, but not everyone loves the smell of dog breath. Well with that being said, my mom told me that she thinks I need to get rid of her.. so while I am trying to get ready in the morning she’s pretty much picking a fight with me. I stopped talking, made my protein shake and left.

On my way to work, radio turned off like I have been doing for some weird ass reason, I sit and think. I have about 45 min dedicated to me over analyzing every possible situation in my life. 45 minutes to dwell on everything that’s going wrong.. 45 minutes to sit on the pity pot..but this time.. I had 45 minutes of prayer. I literally grab the steering wheel and just talked to God. I pray for mom a lot, but lately I’ve been so selfish it’s about me and what I need.. like faith. I need to put more faith in the unknown. I need to realize that worrying really has no purpose in life and the only thing that holds me together is that everything will be okay. I literally remind myself of this constantly.. repeating it over and over…. so meanwhile I am doing my thing, talking to God, and a tear managed to escape from my eye no matter how hard I tried to stop it. I quickly wiped it from my face and kept driving like nothing ever happened..
..Work was a little different today. One of the dudes that has been there for quite some time, put his two weeks in. Via email. Like a bitch. Sorry.. but if you met this dude, you would wish you didn’t. I’m sorry Eric.. if you ever read this for some bizarre fucked up reason, know that you need to learn how to become a better person. Youre vindictive and manipulative and you hurt so many people along the way. I honestly never understand why people do the things they do.. no conscience? no soul? to each their fucking own, but leave me the fuck out of it. So yeah, that’s been kind of the big talk around the shop lately.. Everyone is pretty stoked. Him leaving is best for everyone.
Amen.
Ate pretty good today. Had my morning protein shake, brought Greek yogurt, a banana, whole wheat pasta, and my leftovers from last nights dinner with the boy.

My Meals for the Day:

Lunch 🙂

At around 530 or so (I get off at 5, boy gets off at 6), I hung around for a bit. The boy and I started talking, and like it always does with my big ass mouth, gets kind of escalated to where I just walk away. The emotions that over come me.. would drop jaws. So I turned and walked away and he called for me back, telling me how unfair it was that I got to speak but how I am just bailing on him, giving him no opportunity to explain himself. So I walked back, he was right, so I took a couple of breaths and just stood there. We talked a little more and then got interrupted (we usually always do.. they like to tease us now that they know were together lol).. And so a few of us stood around and talked (mostly with Eric about him leaving and how much of a “piece of shit” Ron is), and I happened to open my mouth one too many times. It was awkward..luckily I saved my self those couple of times and no one caught on..after the 4th fucked up thing I said I had to excuse myself. I got into my car and dipped. About 500ft later, I see a text from the boy asking me to say for a second. I reversed all the way back into the parking lot and waited for him. He talked some more.. he explained himself and we continued to talk. It’s exactly what I needed. I have been so fucking consumed by our relationship that its been eating me alive. All I think about is one day waking up and him telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, or he’s found someone else, or cheated on me, or even WORSE getting back with his bitch of an ex (sorry lisa if YOU ever read this for some bizarre fucked up reason, you’re a straight mean fucking person).. phew.. anywho.. it’s been all i’ve been thinking about lately.. but I have been trying to tell myself that I don’t need this. I’ve been trying to coach myself into telling him that were better off as friends, but realized I might as well wait it out.

So after a shit load of tears literally escaped.. I’m not kidding.. we were laughing at me crying because it just wouldn’t stop. I kept choking up. This man is like no one I have ever had in my life before. He is truly amazing in every way and I get giddy inside when I look at him knowing he’s all mine. Knowing I have his heart.. knowing were in love with each other. I’m not going to say love is hard (because when its true love, it’s not something you have to try at.. hold me to this.. you work together but there’s no “hey im trying to love you” bullshit).. but staying on the same page has been for us, and that’s all I ever wanted.. was to be on the same page. I don’t want to be in a relationship that someones in just because.. I don’t want to go thru another heartbreak any time soon. I know I’ll be okay, and “it” will be okay, but heartbreak really is like losing a loved one (like my last post).. it hurts the soul, it hurts to breath…
..but it happens.. and most of the time you get over it.
Regardless.. I still want to give us my all. All I needed was this talk. I needed to hear you say that you want to be with me. I needed to hear you say that it’s all okay and will be okay. I needed the reassurance.. I needed the kiss at the end that made me feel loved.. I even needed the tears that fell down my face..
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