Tag Archives: Motivational

I cried. I puked. I conquered.

Literally.

I ended up training with H and J at around noon. I was coming back from the body shop, so the gym was on the way. I ended up trying to bail, but figured I needed to get my ass kicked. And kicked it sure got. We didn’t even do much (45 minutes with 3 people training), and I literally cried, and puked TWICE! We did some lunges to stretch before and after actually, but started with the leg press.

Started with 180 pounds, all the way to 360. After we got to 360, we started with it again but drop set -90 lbs each side (so a 45 from each side) till we ended with 180 again. THIS. KILLED. ME. I did stop a couple of times, but I finished. Afterwards, I had to lay down. It felt similar to the pain I felt when I cried at the Hack Squat a month or so ago, but this was entirely worse. I couldn’t keep any position of my legs from keeping them from literally stinging. I laid down and went from dripping sweat to getting the chills. It took me awhile to recover. So long (in my head) that I contemplated telling em I was thru.

Though, I continued. We did some plyo work and weighted hip thrusters. After this we did 4 (or 5.. I think 4), box jump to burpee. 20 of them. Yea…… insert trash can here. We lunged back to our desk and.. insert trash can here… Yea we were all done after that. So……. it was, to say the least, intense.

I miss these work outs. I have been getting it in with a couple different people (lol nvm) and it has been a huge help in regards to hitting different muscles and just always a good time when you aren’t training yourself. My work outs have been good, my eating has been like 75%. Gotta get that shit back up. Here until the holidays I was to be 90% clean, then beginning of Jan back to 100%. I have a lot of goals I am looking to achieve in 2014. I think this will be the year I get my head out of my ass.

We went to Sushi and got my favorite roll. Imo gima or Idk. lmao

We went to Sushi and got my favorite roll. Imo gima or Idk. lmao

Sorry, had too.

Sorry, had too.

A lot has gone on though, so I do apologize for not updating you on my pointless life’s events.. A real close friend (and someone who impacted me deeply) passed away this weekend. We had his wake last night and the funeral was today (Wednesday). RIP Mikey.

Other horrible life altering news has been heard in my immediate family. Don’t feel its appropriate to write here, so I obviously wont. But know that i am praying for you MD.

OH! I got rear ended the first legit snow storm of the year. Sunday or Monday was it? I don’t know, but long story short, she ran. I had to chase her but it’s not like it was hard going 25 miles per hour. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?? My fender is flying, I have a quarter size hole in my bumper and my tail pipe is bent and stained with her paint. L O L. Whatever.. it is what it is. So far, everything has gone super smoothly. *knock on wood*

I FIND YOUUUU!

I FIND YOUUUU!

Atleast Marleys happy theres snow..

At least Marley’s happy there’s snow..

So, as you can tell I have been super emotional lately. I am trying to still figure out my weaknesses and how to overcome them. I am still figuring out who I want to keep close, and who I should back away from.. I just feel that I’ll start getting overwhelmed sooner than later. That is a weakness because I fall victim to it, so I am wondering how I can prevent this knowing beforehand it’ll happen. I know I need to talk to someone.. someone unbiased but I don’t want my past (more so not having a father) to be blamed for this… Or validating my emotions. I don’t need validation I need help on how to tone them down a bit. Ugh! I need a lot. More clients, a degree, a new car.. sanity..

I’m kidding. I am grateful for even being able to feel hate love sadness pain. I want to embrace it. No one is safe.

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2 week progress and a crap ton of pictures.

Well would you look at that.. the longest I’ve gone without broadcasting my life for the world to see!

LOL. A lot has gone on I don’t even know where to begin.. Or because I forgot just how long I went without posting for… Hmm..

Lets start off with…. SOME BAD ASS PROGRESS, shall we??! πŸ˜›

Beginning and up until 11/27-

-2

2 week difference and a $30 spray tan.

2 week difference and a $30 spray tan.

This is a 2 week difference. All I have been doing is lifting heavy shit and following my meal plan to a T. Barely any cardio unless you count boxing for 45 minutes on saturday. I rarely do any now thinking I am going to lose my ass. Speaking of which!

Le ex (going to be current very soon) boyfriend said that my butt was getting smaller.. that’s like.. THEE worst thing to hear when you start dieting down.. It took me back to when I first competed and stairmastered my ass right off! That’s when I thought giving up my ass for abs was detrimental to my physique.

Wrong.

Anyways.. IT WENT UP .5″ YESSSSIRRREEEE BOB! Johnny said it was just because it’s lifted now.. chhheeyeah! I am actually supposed to take my measurements next week.. but I have been eating super bad lately. Ever since Thanksgiving.. FML. I need to cut it out. Its been the last 3 days. Nothing like HORRIBLE.. but like last night. He came over and we ate shit food at 2am after eating and working out like a boss. But I wanted it. I don’t know.. I don’t want to use the whole I have 3 months bullshit anymore because I’ve done that before and it blew up in my face, but 3 months and apparently I was dropping weight too quickly.

Thanksgiving night and the next morning. Got the boy eating right and working out and we even hit the gym the following day..

Thanksgiving night and the next morning. Got the boy eating right and working out and we even hit the gym the following day..

I don’t know. I’m going to do my body fat again and reassess my life … er mood then. Either way, I am going to stick to my meal plan until further notice and just get shredded. Fuck this fat food.

Hmmm… what else do I have to say..

Just been working and working out. Hopefully making Phitness Aesthetics into something awesome.. working on getting shredded… picking up more clients.. working on a relationship with fellow boyfriend.. Noticing the difference of when I give a shit vs when I don’t.. and I am much happier when I do….

Here are a few pictures because I don’t want to write anymore..

OH! and I saved a dog! Long story short I saw a lot of commotion on a busy highway type street and saw a dog in the median =. I slammed on my breaks and ran to the dog. Some lady was making her way to him so I figured it was hers but it wasn’t. She agreed to take it to the vet so I volunteered to get the dog to the car quarter of a mile up. He wouldn’t budge so I did what any normal gym rat would do and I deadlifted his ass and proceeded on my way.

HA!

Me weighing out almonds before we went shopping on Thanksgiving.

Me weighing out almonds before we went shopping on Thanksgiving.

The cake we made to take for dinner. Coffee Cake from scratch. Funny thing is, we were preparing to get all the ingredients at the store and literally saw a box mix of the same shit. Needless to say... we made it from scratch.. :)

The cake we made to take for dinner. Coffee Cake from scratch. Funny thing is, we were preparing to get all the ingredients at the store and literally saw a box mix of the same shit. Needless to say… we made it from scratch.. πŸ™‚ lol..

-4

It wasn't bad. FULL of sugar but I burnt the bottom and it needed more cinnamon swirl in the middle..

It wasn’t bad. FULL of sugar but I burnt the bottom and it needed more cinnamon swirl in the middle..

Hooters. Need I say more?

Hooters. Need I say more?

Yes I go out in public with my hair like this.

Yes I go out in public with my hair like this.

-17

The boy and I on our way to dinner.

The boy and I on our way to dinner.

 

Just so happens portillos salads have 4oz of chicken. On the dot.

Just so happens portillos salads have 4oz of chicken. On the dot.

 

Yes I used a filter but I was just happy with how my chest and shoulders look. Oh! and a badass shirt that says, "Lift heavy shit"! Thanks to Cylia <3

Yes I used a filter but I was just happy with how my chest and shoulders look. Oh! and a badass shirt that says, “Lift heavy shit”! Thanks to Cylia ❀

Flowers I received at work. BEAUTIFUL!

Flowers I received at work. BEAUTIFUL!

Ugh! Funny story behind this as well....... I cant remember which night... oh wait  nevermind, after hooters we ran our fat asses to coldstone. They were closing in 15 minutes so I always feel bad. But I made it short and sweet. However, I went to grab Mikes smoothie which are a pain to make (I worked at DQ for 4 years) and always make a mess... welll.. I grabbed it to hard and the mositure of the drink it slipped and spilled everywhere... She was happy to make another one (I also tipped her $2 more dollars), but as soon as we left I heard and saw her screaming. Ugh. She should of waited till we got in our car because it looked horrible. I cleaned up most of it. Keep it together.

Ugh! Funny story behind this as well……. I can’t remember which night… oh wait never mind, after Hooters we ran our fat asses to cold stone. They were closing in 15 minutes so I always feel bad. But I made it short and sweet. However, I went to grab Mikes smoothie which are a pain to make (I worked at DQ for 4 years) and always make a mess… welll.. I grabbed it to hard and the moisture of the drink it slipped and spilled everywhere… She was happy to make another one (I also tipped her $2 more dollars), but as soon as we left I heard and saw her screaming. Ugh. She should have waited till we got in our car because it looked horrible. I cleaned up most of it. Keep it together.

The best for last, RIP Paul Walker.

The best for last, RIP Paul Walker.

 

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Meow.

It’s been a while, nothing new apparently..

Justine and I started tracking our macros and its been quite overwhelming… I have been planning each and every meal and its been quite the tedious work over here..Β  BUT!!!!! I am SUPER excited. If I’ve mentioned the road to ripped before, forget all that mumbojumob… this is where it’s at! I have never felt so prepared and excited over contest prep before… I think it’s because I like how I look (and can PICK HEAVY ASS SHIT UP!) however, “I’m about to tear it up now…” (Rob Bailey you da best) and become the leanest I have ever been. I will not fail myself this time. I will not disappoint, more importantly, I. Will. Not. Give. Up.

Some of my meal prepping..

Some of my meal prepping.. * After posting, I realize most of these meals were on my low carb days. Keep that in mind. I have many carbs later in the week.

My lunch box.. haha.. some gucaomole chicken, eggs.. ew..

My lunch box.. haha.. some gucaomole chicken, eggs.. ew..

Once I switched bacon for my egg and I never looked back.. ;)

Once I switched bacon for my egg and I never looked back.. πŸ˜‰

This is my meal plan. DO NOT follow unless you are a 147lb 5'6 @22% BF, female looking to get down to 14% body fat.. It wont work! Nor is this anything to play around with.. This macro thing is overwhelming at times. ASK FOR HELP!

This is my meal plan. DO NOT follow unless you are a 147lb 5’6 @22% BF, female looking to get down to 14% body fat.. It wont work! Nor is this anything to play around with.. This macro thing is overwhelming at times. ASK FOR HELP!

It seems that ever since I started training at LA, I have met and become good friends with some really good people (met more weirdos though…). We have become each others support systems when it seems like “outsiders” wouldn’t.. We become not only our own motivation, but each others as well.. and I can’t fathom it any other way..

Relationships have taken their tolls, short days have turned into long ones, work outs have become a get a way and our body seen as a temple. The more we work and work together, the more we are accomplishing each and every day. Though for some, it doesn’t seem that way but that’s all part of trusting the process… that one day.. through committment, consistency and dedication, that one day we too will be masters of our domain. That we will not be stopped. That whatever we may do, come in contact with , or face will be nothing short of a mental victory for us. We are battling each and every day and we will continue to battle each and every day. Some days it’s against the world, others it’s against ourselves, which ever may be the case it won’t matter, because at the end of it all, we will be victorious.

I have really good vibes about 2014. Not only is 14 my favorite number, but I am ready to take my life by the horns and finally do something with it. Instead, I’ve just kinda sat here.. and wished.. sometimes even prayed for something to give.. my life to be easier.. idk fuck… just something! But today, I sit here.. okay like half ass sitting, writing this.. realizing that I need to create my worth! (thanks again FNF ;P ), that sitting here hoping for something is just as relevant as standing in the rain hoping to stay dry.. I mean… you could.. if you had an umbrella.. or something to stand under.. so… I want hard work and persistence (maybe even a little confidence but that is still currently being worked on) to be my “umbrella”! Alright, that may be a weird ass metaphor but the point I am trying to make is that, dreaming about something isn’t good enough, you need to do everything in your power to make that dream come true. Stop wishing, start doing.

Recent progress. I ate a lot of oreos so.... I am happy. lol. This was also the start of prep.

Recent progress. I ate a lot of oreos so…. I am happy. lol. This was also the start of prep.

I do feel kinda tiny in this pic.. BUT I am THEEEE strongest I have ever been!

I do feel kinda tiny in this pic.. BUT I am THEEEE strongest I have ever been!

Weekend update:

What day is today.. ? I have been messing up all my days lately. Saturday.. High carb day.. how could I forget with my meal being in an hour or so… oatmeal with an apple.. mmm and cinnamon.. mm and flaxseed.. because I need the fiber.. lol. So far, this first week was good. The counting weighing and all that mumbo jumbo is a little overwhelming but you get the hang of it.. I mean.. hopefully.. lol.

Random PICTURE INSERTION ALERT! My hair is FLIPPIN red!

Random PICTURE INSERTION ALERT! My hair is FLIPPIN red!

I have yet to take off or have a rest day and I want one. I know I will feel lonely and bored the whole day, but my body aches, and I have put it through some tough shit this week. I was able to rep out 40’s on a shoulder press being my last set. Chest on Friday I nearly died but I benched 115 after 4 or 5 working sets.. MEANING I AM ABLE TO THROW 45’S ON EACH SIDE FOR REPPPPPSSSSS!!!!! That was a goal of mine and I am so stoked..

My goals for 2014 are:
To complete pistol squats (Full ROM- BOTH LEGS!!!!).
20 Pull ups in a row.
10 Wide Grip Pull Ups in a row.
Deadlift over 250+
Inquire about power lifting/ bikini competitions

I think that’s it for now. I mean the list was sporadic so I may go back and edit them in.

So, today. Get to work at 930am after deciding to ditch spin class. After my first client, I trained with Todd for about 45 minutes. Throwing boxing into the mix has been a nice spice to the routine… After that I trained shoulders with Eric and he put me through a CRAZY ass shoulder work out. I was just about to get started working out when he came up and struck up a conversation.. Long story short I asked him what he was training, he said shoulders and I was like HELL YEA! It is always nice to train with someone else. The different switch in the routine is so enticing… He is actually theΒ  guy I replaced here at AL lol.. Hes a cool guy. I originally didn’t find him very pleasing (nor did I know who he was at the time) because I saw him leg press a shit ton.. and I mean a shit ton of 45’s and walk away from the entire thing.. I mean leave like 2 or 3 on each side (you know.. to motivate people LOL)… but come on…… that’s how I figure I hurt my wrist. Unloading so many damn 45’s from yall bodybuildAH’s.

Kidding.. of course.

Anyways after that I had one more client. After stuffing all my needed meals in at their desired times.. Harpreet Rosa and Cylia met up at AL with Justine and I and we all went to Fit Nation and signed up for the 7 day guest pass. This place is nice.. I think I may do a photo dump post so I will save some of the pictures for then.. That and because I am super lazy and uploading pictures on this damn thing is always so damn difficult. Anyways.. I worked out a little, trying out the Jacobs Ladder. Hit a little chest/back.. then headed home to eat meal #3 lol.. I am just excited about carbs.. I mean let me.. tomorrow and the following 5 days all I really get is fat (yes, protein but I’m sick of protein.. all of IIITTT!!!!!! <— and to think its only been a week of this!!! lol).

I’m about to relax and anticipate my cinnamon apple oatmeal I am about to demolish in a second.. Tomorrow might be a late night work out with the crew.. although I want to rest..We may end up opening up the gym tomorrow night and running shit. Gym all to ourselves… music blasting.. mmmmmm

Zombie mentality, work past dead.

The ever so beautiful, Dana L. Bailey!

The ever so beautiful, Dana L. Bailey!

<3

❀

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Being mentally strong..

is just as important, if not more, than being physically strong. Or, its at least, its beginning stepping stone…

photo 1 copy

I am a few days out from a few girls and I’s challenge of a 4 week no cheat. Yes, I’ve done it before but I chose to do it again. This time, I understand how even the slightest mention of something satisfyingly saturated, could immediately be followed with singles to the brain that its craving something crazy! I actually think that’s a fact. That seeing something could stimulate the mind to want/ or desire it. Which clearly makes sense. This month though, was tough. I did have a few oreos last night (I don’t know what got into me! they were even in the house for 3 days before I CAVED!!!!), but that was the extent of it. I want to go just another day longer to make up for it. I feel like I cheated. Maybe I’ll do it again one day. However, I have learned my lesson.

Everything in moderation.

I did have a quite an easy time “adapting”.. I kept on making those muffins I posted earlier. All sorts of flavors. This time, I “frosted” one. I found cinnamon cream cheese from laughing cow and KNEW I had to put them together. I should have played with the frosting a bit more, or at least adding another LC wedge. Even so, a few co workers of mine loved them. Hopefully lol. But I enjoyed them. So it was nice being able to eat something that didn’t consist of chicken.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip with Cinnamon Laughing Cow Cream Cheese and a Greek Yogurt "Frosting". Thinking about adding raisins instead of chocolate chips.. Or... maybe both ;)

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip with Cinnamon Laughing Cow Cream Cheese and a Greek Yogurt “Frosting”. Thinking about adding raisins instead of chocolate chips.. Or… maybe both πŸ˜‰

My shopping cart for the week. You see the laughing cow over there to the upper right. Clearly a bunch of essentials like chicken greek yogurt unsweetened apple sauce bananas apples eggs ext. The flavored yogurt however, is when I really am craving something sweet. I def always look at the back of the labels and compare how many calories/sugars/protein they have. For being flavored, light and fit brand is a great choice at only 80 calories and 1/2 of the grams of sugar per any other flavored GY out there.

My shopping cart for the week. You see the laughing cow over there to the upper right. Clearly a bunch of essentials like chicken greek yogurt unsweetened apple sauce bananas apples eggs ext. The flavored yogurt however, is when I really am craving something sweet. I def always look at the back of the labels and compare how many calories/sugars/protein they have. For being flavored, light and fit brand is a great choice at only 80 calories and 1/2 of the grams of sugar per any other flavored GY out there.

Ideas to curb those cravings:

Another way to curb cravings, QUEST BARS! Please, whoever is reading this. Please do yourself a favor and invest in these bad boys. They are extremely guilt free with every bite feeling like youre cheating on your diet. I have recently starting baking them and they are A M A Z I N G! Bake at 400 dedgrees for about 7-8 minutes, flipping half way through!

QUEST BARS! Please, whoever is reading this. Please do yourself a favor and invest in these bad boys. They are extremely guilt free with every bite feeling like youre cheating on your diet. I have recently starting baking them and they are A M A Z I N G! Bake at 400 dedgrees for about 7-8 minutes, flipping half way through!

Hmmm.. Yet ANOTHER quest bar. Imagine that.. This one is the Apple Pie. I baked it and..... my lanta it was even better than the Brownie, and that is by far my favorite far hands down.. SO YOU KNOW ITS GOOD! Haha.. and would you look at that.. More cinnamon cream cheese from the Laughing Cow. Lol #addicted.

Hmmm.. Yet ANOTHER quest bar. Imagine that.. This one is the Apple Pie. I baked it and….. my lanta it was even better than the Brownie, and that is by far my favorite far hands down.. SO YOU KNOW ITS GOOD! Haha.. and would you look at that.. More cinnamon cream cheese from the Laughing Cow. Lol #addicted.

I made these twice now. They are sweet potato protein pancakes. Yep. 1/4c whole wheat flour (can use any one if trying to go gluten free), 1/4-1/2 sweet potato, 2TBS brown rice protein powder, 1/4teaspoon both baking powder/soda, 1 egg, and milk (or water) till it hits the consistency of pancake batter. Proceed like normal pancakes. I then layered the pancakes with... YUP! The Laughing Cow CC lol. I had to heat the cheese up just a bit so it could spread more evenly. I added a few more CC to each layer as well. The chocolate I used was 70% cacao, 32 cc per serving.

I made these twice now. They are sweet potato protein pancakes. Yep. 1/4c whole wheat flour (can use any one if trying to go gluten free), 1/4-1/2 sweet potato, 2TBS brown rice protein powder, 1/4teaspoon both baking powder/soda, 1 egg, and milk (or water) till it hits the consistency of pancake batter. Proceed like normal pancakes. I then layered the pancakes with… YUP! The Laughing Cow CC lol. I had to heat the cheese up just a bit so it could spread more evenly. I added a few more CC to each layer as well. The chocolate I used was 70% cacao, 32 cc per serving.

Ooops.. ;P

Ooops.. ;P

 

Back to Road to Ripped progress thus far..

I doubt I will compete in bikini in November but I am going to keep training like I do have a goal in mind lol. I just got done with a work out. I actually worked out this morning at around 730am. The boy was sleeping and I had been up with the puppy going the bathroom since 4am. I could not fall back asleep, so I figured why waste time and creep instagram when I could be doing something productive. I finished 45 minutes of interval training and ended up going to breakfast for my post work out which was nice. I did, just get back from a lifting session though. I took Marley to the doctor and 3 hours later, decided I needed to hit shoulders, or lift s o m e t h i n g. I tried to go heavy but a spot would have been nice. Before I finished 15 minutes of cardio, I took progress pictures.. so hopefully I can get all that put together b speaking of pictures, I need to go to CVS or something to pick up a disposal camera. I want to start photographing clients. I need to track their progress more than just a lousy scale and a huge measuring tape. I want to get serious, especially with everything happening with the “promotion”. I mean, don’t take that the wrong way, I give a shit. Trust me.. but I don’t know. That’s a whole nother story that I don’t think I am ready to write yet. More so, because it hasn’t been taken care of/solved yet, so this is the last place I want to risk my job at/for… haha… Besides, how many people click the link from my instagram account? Though I did delete FB the other day… yes… Don’t miss it though, phew!

Marley always getting spoiled. Turns out she was or is having a false pregnancy. A little scary but nothing as scary as having to leave the room while they cut her nails. :(:(:( My poor baby!

Marley always getting spoiled. Turns out she was or is having a false pregnancy. A little scary but nothing as scary as having to leave the room while they cut her nails. :(:(:( My poor baby!

Sorry, ADD.

Progress. Yes. I feel like, with the meaning behind this post title, that I have become something I have never been before. I am hoping that not only does my body change, but that I do to, inside. I need some light shed upon this dark cloud above my head…

Physically, I stepped my cardio game up. In a few days I will start tracking calorie intake and out (via my Heart Rate Monitor) and see how things play out. I can say though, that I have hit some new highs in regards to weight and I am loving it. I hurt my wrist a bit (got wrist wraps now) trying to go heavy on my vertical press (but was really hurt doing wheel barrels up the stairs and hand stands) and took a few days off from upper body. I couldn’t even do a push up.. However, in the few short days or weeks, I don’t even know when that was, I hit 105lb for 5(ish) reps (more like 3) on the incline. I also managed over 300lbs for about 10 reps on the leg press and 205lb dead lift for 5 reps.

I really like where all this is going.

Justine (my work out partner) trying out the Leg Ext machine a rather different way. Amazing and one of my new favorite exercises.

Justine (my work out partner) trying out the Leg Ext machine a rather different way. Amazing and one of my new favorite exercises.

Just now, after posting this picture, I receive a text from Justine. I feel like we are both on the same path traveling together on this road to ripped, we have played out in our minds. She is a great girl and has the drive of any one else there willing to put blood sweat and tears in this sport. What gets us all, and has everything to do with the title of this post, is that our minds seem to work against us in some situations. Comparing oneself to anyone else is one of them, and something Justine and I both struggle with. The idea that we will just keep traveling the same path with no added benefits sure sounds like hell to me.. but that’s because we haven’t had that positive mind set. Anyone can tell us anything, but until we believe it, its in one ear out the other. This low self-esteem results in constantly pick ourselves apart..

We need to have faith that what we are doing will ONE DAY pay off.. so why not take it ONE DAY at a time and enjoy the ride, instead of wanting to get off and not ride it at all… I for one, love roller coasters.. and although the ups right now aren’t exactly what I would like, I need to finish one ride before I can try another one out. So, I am sticking to this game plan. Justine. We got this. Lets go another 4 weeks top-notch, system in full gear, and after those 4 weeks well reevaluate the plan again? Okay? I promise.. time will tell and trust me, this sport you NEED patience. We all need patience.

Every single one of us.

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1/8 week motiv8- Strength.

Well. I’m sure you are all aware that I haven’t written in days weeks.. possibly even months. I don’t even know at this point. things got super hectic, and kind of still are..
I’m going thru this whole thing at work and its slowly draining me. the amount of time and effort I am putting into this job, I should be well off ($$ wise).. but still just skating by paycheck to paycheck. I m seeing an average of 12, 22 being the highest amount, of people every day for training. 2 times a week I am up at 430am (was once, 3 x a week), back home for 2-3 hours then back in the gym from 12-930. This last week however, I have been training every day. So on top of training myself before everyone else (which I don’t know is a good thing because I am always exhausted), I am practically in the gym more than I am home. At one point it took a huge toll on me. I stopped working out and as a result ate like shit (or.. did I start eating like shit in which turned to an absent of those workouts?? hmmmm) and more importantly, felt like shit about myself (and in general, headaches. massive bell aches. Thank you acid reflux).

But just like a roller coaster with its lows, I have been slowly reaching one of those highs. Life has seemed to be turning for the better and I am obviously taking it for granted. I mean, I should right? Appreciate whats right in front of me? The “right now”?? Anyways.. Its sunday, I found a time to write. I actually have been wanting to write earlier but felt that I would feel pressured (like I always do actually). You know I never reread what I wrote? I only spell check it. I get so overwhelmed that I could write for hours, proofread, then select all delete that shit like nothing ever happen.

Tis’ true.

So, instead, I write and say it is what it is and post it. I don’t know. I feel like until I find a smooth transition into a nice blog (like I have imagined) Ill continue to write like there was no delete button…

I actually wrote down what I wanted to cover in this post.. weird. I have never done that before. I just wanted to make sure I mentioned a few things… What I have learned in the last couple weeks, where I want to see myself.. things like that.. The list kind of goes like this (which is actually written on a poster for the 2013 midwest ironman lol).

Do whatever makes you happy.
Strength
-Being strong
8 Weeks
Calories
Weight training
Cardio
1500-2000*
Progress Pictures
Food
Work
Progress

Well, I have been kind of talking about work, so we can cross that one off. Lets being with the 8 weeks. Now, 7 weeks but this was referring to the competition I planned on doing. I don’t think I will be doing it. but I am training like I am. I am taking weekly progress pictures and will post them at the end of the 8 weeks. I am playing around with my macros and added in 3 (30-45) minutes of cardio in this week and next. My calories are ranging from 1500-2000*. I have successfully worked out each week and am super proud about that. I really think I am going to give it my all. I did have a cheat meal today (literally a few minutes before I starting writing) and didnt think I was going to have one for the entire 8 weeks. However, I did just finish the 8 week no cheat and let me tell you that was so hard and I fell right back on my ass. I had a hard time picking myself up because it was mixed with feeling lonely, tired and burnt out from work.. Thats like a recipe for disaster. Any who, I am staying consistent with work outs and even my cheat meals are recorded and kept track of. Speaking of which, I really want to get into the whole macro things. I want to be able to have some solid information and something I can project to other people because not only are my clients asking about it, many people comment or message me with some sort of diet question. I want to be able to just find the post click and paste and be like BAM! problem solved. Yea.. lol. wouldn’t that be nice. But it would still be helpful if I gave the basics of what to do to start losing fat and looking/feeling better. Maybe I will do some research and really put some time and effort into it (dos yes. it may take a while lol). Anyways, I am keeping track day by day what I am doing so we can see what it takes (okay what it takes for me, my bf% food intake ext) to get to where I will be in 8 weeks. I am already leaning up and I couldn’t be more ecstatic. Heres the break down of this week:

Monday 16th- 497 Calories Burned. 1:41:08. (1511 Calories Consumed).
Tuesday 17th- (no heart rate) Did a Back Work Out 15 Min Cardio. (1569 CC*).
Wednesday 18th- 35 Min Plyo and Abs. (1760CC).
Thursday 19th- Stairmaster. (1550CC).
Friday 20th- Went to RLB. Did Legs (Got told I was losing weight**) (2000CC)
Saturday 21st- Forgot what I did. OH! Went with Marley to the kids playground and did a work out there. 255 Calories Burned. (1800CC).
Sunday 22nd- (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM)!!- Almost an hour @NS Did Upper body and ended with heavy glutes. 394 Calories Burned. (2500CC My “Cheat Meal” Day).***

*Calories Consumed
** Yes, this is technically what I want but the reason I put this here, was because when I went to my notepad to reread what I did for the week, I saw this. I would say on Monday or Tuesday of this week, a member of my gym went up to my trainer and asked him if I was gaining weight. FIRST OF ALL, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Like for real. Who does that… Unless.. never mind. lol. BUT, I was told this by him the second I was flabbergasted by this guy whom I have never seen at the gym before (and trust me, I know everyone lol), came up to me while I was with a client and introduced himself to me. THEN HE CAME BACK A SECOND TIME DURING HER SESSION!!! How rude. Shes a paying client. Anyways, I wasnt bragging but I NEEDED to tell CYlia and he was right by.. It was like, oh hey apparently you’re cute enough to be hit on, but some dude notices and thinks its an important enough question to be concerned if Im gaining weight. Unreal. But that’s the reason I even acknowledged it. Am I cute, fat, up and down? Lmao. I could care less. I am doing what I can to be the best that I can. If that “best” is not good enough, pretend I don’t exist. I need to learn this process of loving myself and being fit is one step closer. Being vain, egotistical, have your way but I need to love the body that I am in. With everyone else so concerned on how I look.. I can’t let being fit be a quick fix. I don’t want to starve like I have. I don’t want to spend the time I already don’t have on hours of cardio to look like a bag of bones. I want to be STRONG and being strong isn’t a walk in the park.

***This is what I DO. YOU CAN NOT DO WHAT I DO!!! I am 153ish pounds at 5’6-5’7 (lol). You need to hire someone who do some research and play around a bit. SO DO NOT COPY THIS!!!!!!! I do suggest not going under 1500 calories. That seems like a lot to most of my new clients (because they are used to being starved. Thank you Jenny Craig). But as long as you are staying active, you need that so your body doesnt hate you later.

Oatmeal mixed with 1/3c unsweetened apple sauce with pan seared apples and cinnamon.

Oatmeal mixed with 1/3c unsweetened apple sauce with pan seared apples and cinnamon.

I know this looks gross but it was so good. Chicken with mozzarella on a rice cake.

I know this looks gross but it was so good. Chicken with mozzarella on a rice cake.

10 Egg Whites Stevia Cinnamon- to taste. I beat the eggs to a stiff peak and baked it for 12 minutes at 350 degrees. Rolled up and drizzled with Walden Farms PC Syrup.

10 Egg Whites
Stevia
Cinnamon- to taste.
I beat the eggs to a stiff peak and baked it for 12 minutes at 350 degrees. Rolled up and drizzled with Walden Farms PC Syrup.

If you are a nutritionist or some kind of guru and tell me I am doing something wrong, please save it. I have been doing this for years and am playing around with what feels good. I get there is a PERFECT SCIENCE.. but for me… I will do it for a bit then have a total relapse. I need to find a way in which fits me to a tee. Not something I set myself to crash and burn. I need to do what makes me happy.. To be honest, I want to try to be gluten free, that and I want to do a blood test in which it tells you what foods to stay away from ext… I think that would be super interesting (I already know I have acid reflux 😦 ) . In the mean time, I am playing with LOW (not NO carb) and high fats. So far, I havent really felt any differences in regards to bloating or water retention. I think I may pay a little more attention to that.

AMAZING eggs on the way to work. I think this was 3 whole eggs 1/8c milk and some cheddar cheese :O

AMAZING eggs on the way to work. I think this was 3 whole eggs 1/8c milk and some cheddar cheese :O

I think I knocked out a couple of those topics on that list. Other things I wanted to mention is the first one on the list, the quote :do whatever makes you happy” and it is something I will always say in the back of my mind when faced with a decision. Whatever I may be unsure about I will always ask myself if it makes me happy, WILL it make happy. I think that is so important, and es it may be easier said then done, but at the end of the day its your life. its your feel good moments memories and smiles.
..and in my case, I not only want to feel good I want to look good to feel good. I don’t know what it was that made me jump into this field but I honestly and truly don’t think I could see myself in anything other than fitness. I may be obsessed or have gone thru the unhealthy ways to get to the healthy ones, but I want to make a a difference and I think helping people help themselves is where I want to start.

Wow.. well didn’t expect that to come out so well… I think I need to just keep writing to ensure I keep this mood going.

A few other things, there are a few pictures of the foods I have been eating. Again. I have been tracking EVERYTHING I eat. Nothing has gone over 2000 calories, nothing under 1500. Boyfriend and I are doing good. I think once I started focusing on myself (working out ext) I stopped being so high-strung. I realize MY life is important. I feel like I go thru these moments all the time though. Like super into working out and loving myself then one day I just crash and burn. No this is not me being negative, just being realistic here..

The boyfriend grilling some meat for me :)

The boyfriend grilling some meat for me πŸ™‚

The beans are NOT mine ;P

The beans are NOT mine ;P

Though, I think this is it. I feel really good about this one. I am going to do this for 8 weeks. THEN I will reevaluate the situation. I did the 8 week no cheat, what would make this any harder? I just need to work out and prep my meals. Thats it. I am already at the gym 58394 hours of the week, I have NO excuse not to get shit done.

&& trust me.. Im about to get shit done.

πŸ˜›

Other than that, I did want to (and have been wanting to) write about strength and being strong, but I think I am going to save that until the end or at least the 8 week pit stop of this road to ripped trip.. Yea.. I think Ill do that.

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I’ve seen better days.

Of course, its been 3 days since I last posted. Things have been hectic to say the least. Waking up at 4am the past few days and working till 9pm for a company that doesn’t deserve my time, is stressful. That being said, I am actively working towards my own business. No more just saying, but doing. Nerve racking like once said previously, but defiantly motivating in a way.

Other than work, my work outs have been solid and I am currently still doing fantastic on my 4 week no cheat challenge. I am seeing progress and I couldn’t be happier. Yes, I could be a lot leaner but I am keeping my strength which is huge for me. I still don;t know whether or not I want to compete in Nov, but I am definitely going to keep training and eating like I am. I think the only thing that will stop me is the money. It is NOT cheap to compete. It is also very time-consuming and at this very moment I have my college’s homepage up on another tab, hoping to get in some classes. I always have such a positive outlook on things and then instantly I am discouraged. I am hoping I can get my shit together and keep trucking through.

My progress picture.

My progress picture.

My work out partner, looking fly.

My work out partner, looking fly.

I haven’t been writing down or keeping track of what I have been eating. Hopefully, after downloading the My Fitness Pal app, that it will encourage me to do so. It will be interesting and helpful, so why not? Today, however, I ate:

1/2 c oatmeal with blueberries at 4:30am.Mixed in 1/2 Quest Bar at 4:45am.
6 egg whites at 8am.
1/2 c brown rice, broccoli and 6 oz chicken at 12pm.
4 egg whites, a little chicken at 2:30pm.
2 kashi waffles with a few blueberries at 3:00pm.
1/2c greek yogurt at 5:00pm.
6oz chicken and broccoli at 8pm.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

photo 5

and so far that is it πŸ™‚ I wonder how much this all adds up to. The app is currently downloading so we shall see.Β Still sticking around 150lbs. Haven’t lost or gained a pound. I don’t know if I am happy or sad about this. LOL. BUTTT I do have 16 weeks till the show and that is a LONG time. I haven’t been doing cardio, nor paid attention to my calorie intake which is important. I guess I’m just in no rush.

Poor Bunny :(

Poor Bunny 😦

Other than work and working out, which has been my whole life the last 3-5 months, my personal life is just okay. Besides having a cat constantly killing baby bunnies (not kidding. I rushed one to the hospital so it could be put out of its misery), I am having issues with the boyfriend, mostly because of the lack of trust. Though, I am going to stay strong and positive even if it kills me. I just wish life was easier. I deal with scumbags all day and I can only imagine what goes on when I;m not there. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I keep wanting to throw it back up. I mean, one day I am all fine an awesome girlfriend, the next I want to break up with him. I just think it would be easier, for both of us. I mean.. it’s not fair (what is?) to either of us. Me not being happy because I can’t get over shit that replays in my head over and over, and for him.. how I treat him and want to break up with him all the time. I hate to put my bullshit out in the air like this ,but it is what it is. I am venting and little do you know, that my personal life affects my work/working out life. It is a constant struggle and each and every emotion I feel, does not get ignored (unfortunately). That is all. If you don’t like it, no one told you to read it.

I just want a happy life with you. Only you. Forever. I know we have a lot to work on, but I WANT to work on it with you. I want a future with you. I love you. I was never like this before, and maybe it’s because I’ve never loved this hard before. But what I do know, is that I want you by my side through THICK and THIN. I promise to make you happy. I promise to never do you wrong. I am yours.

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I can’t stay on top of this blog if my life depended on it..

It’s 10:06pm and I am tired as hell. I have 4 clients tomorrow starting at 6am, so that doesn’t make me a very happy girl. I love sleep and waking up at 4-5am does NOT get any easier with time… BUT I figured since I wrote last post how I have been on point with writing blogs, that the longer I go without writing the next one makes me look like an idiot. Guess I jinxed myself there lol. It’s really because once again, I have been super overwhelmed. I feel like I can never get ahead and oh would you look at that? I have yet to do anything about anything I am currently struggling with. I just don’t understand. It is like when I use to binge.. you like that? USE to.. Haven’t in forever and do NOT plan on going back to that life (then again, I have yet to compete again so who knows. However, wishful thinking). I KNOW binging would make matters worse, yet I would continue to do it. It;s like the same concept. I bitch about things in my life yet do nothing but bitch. I don’t know. All I do know is I need to get my head out of my ass.

I don’t know where I left off but I do know that I didn’t talk about my weekend which was actually super amazing. Saturday I met the wonderful Vevian (fitalicious_me) from instagram in chicago. I had my boyfriend drop me off and we went to a bar called Old Town Pour House I believe. It was definitely not the sit down and get to know someone type because I could barely hear her but long story short this chick is AMAZING! She started off in the instagram world as anyone normally would but things have skyrocketed for her and I could not be any happier. She flys to people’s houses and helps them create meals that are short of ingredients (the less the better!) and cost wise, next to nothing! She is just beautiful inside and out and has opened my eyes to becoming something better. In the short time that I have known her she has opened my eyes to dreaming big but being proactive about making them come true. She is a true inspiration and I wish her nothing but the best. After a few diet cokes and a girl throwing up on me later, we went to another bar across the street. This one was called benchmark and was even louder than the last. We stayed for a little while and after my boyfriend came we left not long after that.

On our way!

On our way!

The boy and I ended up grabbing food at Maxwell Street in Chicago. Before I go into what I ate this weekend, let me disclaimer the fuck out of it and tell you this was my last weekend to have whatever I wanted. I decided I am going to go without a cheat meal for 4 weeks (just in time for my birthday πŸ˜‰ Just to see how I look and how I come in. Just a little something I am doing for myself. That being said, I got a double hamburger, a hotdog (which was ok lol) and a side of fries. Their fries are amazing and I could eat them all day. Afterwards, we headed home. The next morning I got his ass up after numerous times (he is NOT a morning person), because I wanted to go to the taste of chicago. Around 12:30 we were out the door. In the car ride there we had planned to visit a friend that owns Dragonfly (a FANTASTIC sushi place) after we strolled the fest. However, we decided to get sushi before the taste (mostly because all I wanted at the taste was ice cream lol) so that’s what we ended up doing. Chi met us there and sat us down. After the waitress arrived to take our drink order he had 4 drinks placed. A peach sangria (amazing), a regular sangria, a mojito and a jack and coke for the man. I literally had a buffet of drinks in front of me.

My favorite was the one on the right. The peach sangria!

My favorite was the one on the right. The peach sangria!

Now I am NOT a drinker. I may have once before but I think its pointless to drink all those calories especially when you can have a delicious cupcake for the same amount. Yes. This is how I think. THAT and because even after these drinks plus another 2 mocasto’s I was sober. It has happened to me a lot before. I will drink 6 shots in 30 minutes, or shotgun this, drink that and STONE COLD S O B E R. Now.. it’s not like I want to get shitface wasted, but not even tispy for all those calories? Yeah, no thank you. Anyways after that, we ordered our food. We got about 4 rolls (imo gimo? is my fave) and a side of BBQ pork fried rice. Yes, we are fat kids inside. Well.. after we ate, and said our goodbyes we sat in the car for about 15 minutes in a straight food coma. Another long story short, we never did make it to that taste….. lol. We headed home and laid around till the food settled. Around 9:30pm we got up and went to Oberweis played a few games of checkers (I won :P) then got a movie (The Call- SUPER GOOD!).. and relaxed for the rest of the night.

Look @ all those drinks! and there was only 2 people sitting there.. haha

Look @ all those drinks! and there was only 2 people sitting there.. haha

SUSHI!

SUSHI!

Considering today is Wednesday night, I will cut all the crap out from the last few days and let you know that I have stayed true to my No Cheat till my birthday promise. I didn’t work out at the gym Monday (I was too exhausted) but I did do a work out at home. Tuesday and Wednesday though, I busted my ass. Tuesday was a leg day (feeling the effects of it as I type this) and today was a shoulder day. Two of my fave. Actually.. Chest day and Back have also become my favorite. Mostly because I have been benching lately and want to see myself bench 135lb. Back, because I have been slowly but surely doing body weight pull-ups and have a goal of at least 20 by either the end of summer, or by my competition (sometime in oct or nov lol. Idk the exact date, all I know is that its about 18 weeks out). So instead of having a weight loss or body fat goal, I want to get stronger* (again, will explain these asterisks at a later time). I can currently squat 135/145 (my body weight), box squat probably 185lb, bench 95lb and only do 3 spull-up (that IS after I do work outs though so I am not quite sure if I can do more when I am at my strongest).. I don’t know. I really want to do a powerlifting competition or a CrossFit one.. something other than getting judged on how my body looks in a bikini. I want more.

My diet has been somewhat challenging. Going through a rough time so I feel like all I do is spend my money on gas, bills and food. I have a diet plan written up but I don’t know if I could afford eating that much. I am trying though.

Today’s Diet looked as follows:
4:30am Quest Bar
7am Banana
9am 1/2 roll up (tons of fiber and protein) w/ 1/2c tuna
1130pm A spinach smoothie with 1/2 lemon and strawberries with 1/2c greek yogurt (this messed my stomach up. I have acid reflux and I need to stop drinking these delicious smoothies)
12pm Shoulder Work Out and 1 scoop of a 2:1 carb to protein shake (Idk if this is a good idea yet)
2:30pm 15 minutes of a fat burning cardio session
2:45pm 1/2c whole wheat pasta, 1/2c ground turkey and 1/2c organic pasta sauce
5pm A pita bread with 2 TBS natural PB (probably more but I had to finish and scrape every last ounce out of it before I threw away that $6 jar of greatness)
8pm 3 small chicken breasts, 1/2c cottage cheese and some broccoli
1045pm Now that I think about what time it is I might go grab some brown rice with ground turkey because reading what I wrote I did not meet any of my needs. EAT TO GROW PEOPLE and I’ll be damnedddddd if I don;t at least try.

Oh and insert 25 almonds and another tablespoon of PB. I REALLY need to lay off the peanut butter for a while..

That was pretty much it. I burned probably around 600 calories during my workout. Here are a few progress pictures:

This was post all that crappy food. I figured it was best to take the first progress picture all water weighted down :)

This was post all that crappy food. I figured it was best to take the first progress picture all water weighted down πŸ™‚

7/17/13

7/17/13

Ahhh.. 6 hours to sleep. Sleep also helps muscles so I better go ;P More later, I promise :*

P.S now it is WAY to late to edit this so I apologize in advance if everything blows donkey peepee.

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You know squat? … Exactly.

So .. I suppose with how many people have viewed my instagram account, has the potential to look at my blog (at LEAST once). Knowing that.. super awkward. I don’t know. I guess I always jump around from professional to .. well not so much. This blog is just a story about me and my life and how it affects my training lifestyle (i.e. eating disorders, emotional eating, plain old life situations ext). I know squat should be taken literally.. not figuratively as in my fitness “wannabe” background. I really lose all focus with insecurities present, that I know I look like a fool.

I also think I over analyze every possible situation.

I might possibly step away from the personal training part of my life till I finish school and get my head above water. Though I truly do love what I do, I have to be taken seriously and I can’t give anyone any reason to doubt me. Maybe I’ll explore other options that could possibly just be a foot in the door instead of wasting time away waitressing or cleaning fucking toilets. Although, if it paid more than what I am now.. I highly think I’d consider.

Can’t be forever right?
πŸ™‚

Anyways.. once I think I can manage an actually successful website, this one really isn’t suppose to be taken seriously. I throw in recipes, progress pictures and the word fuck in this blog but in the end the title is what it is in that manor.

On the brighter side, I attempted to squat 205 a couple of times (yes of course with a spot, who I might add, is seriously fantastic)!!!! Notice attempted.. because to be honest.. as much as I work as a personal trainer I need to focus on really getting my act together.. I want to lift heavy, as fuck, for sure but as much as I think I know what I’m doing I don’t fucking do it. Here I am telling my clients to squeeze this, do that but holy fuck it like all disappears from my mind when I train myself… I think I just need to get use to a workout buddy, a spot, simply a trainer training me. But don’t get me wrong, I fucking love it.

Just thought I’d give a clearer idea of what this blog was about. For now, it’s nothing special just random as hell thoughts, pictures and the roller coaster of a ride my life has become..

Anyways, I have to be up soon about 5 hours of sleep to wake up see if a client comes in, sit in sauna, eat take a nap and go back to work. I seriously wish W was as short of a distance that RLB was. I would go home any hour or two I had off.. because well..

I love sleep. πŸ™‚
and eating.

Like my skinny cow ice cream I am about to demolish. Strawberry Shortcake if you wanted to know.

;D

Goodnight xo

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Redo

I can’t seem to get the words out. I keep erasing shit.

5th time now.

I have a lot on my mind. 6th time.

7th time. I don’t know. Came back from Wisconsin with the boy and his father and it wasn’t as awkward as I expected. 8th. The language barrier issue wasn’t really bothersome. I love his family and I want that to be known, but sometimes its hard not understanding the language they speak. I feel rude and disrespectful, more so left out 😦 But it is what it is and I am slowly learning to deal with things without making an issue first. However, I have to say that even if I do get mad I have like a rebound rate of like 60sec-60min lol. So, it could always be worse!

right…?

Came back friday night, with only one day of fishing. The boy and I slept in till 2pm on friday and his dad got to pissed to go out that late so we just went home. I was down to just drill a hole and fish standing up lol but I think it was his mom’s birthday party that night. As long as he wasn’t too upset, I was alright. Got home and the next night went to the boys work party. I knew most of the people there so it was nice to see them again. However I suck at life and got a super sickening feeling in my gut. As soon as I turn and look some chick is starring me down like we had prior beef type shit. I turn to him and ask him if she worked with him, and he said yes. Like, wtf. I don’t know. I instantly flipped. We got a table to ourselves and I told him I wanted to leave. I wanted to go, he was more than welcome to stay but I couldn’t be in that situation. He told me I have nothing to worry about but I mean come on. I’m secure as fuck, you’ve put me thru some bs before, and she was the only person I wasn’t introduced too. Just all too much to handle sometimes. I may “overreact” but I am simply just explaining my feelings. They are sudden and uncontrollable as far as I know. Trust me, I don’t want to keep feeling like this! What it boils down to, in regards to porn, checking out another chick, awkward stares in front of your girlfriend, I am just jealous of the attention given. All I want is you in like a little fucking bubble. No, NO ONE! lmfao!! Creep fucking status right here.

I just needed a little more time to build this trust then I was given. I was just thrown into a different situation, all too fast, and told to just, “trust”.

Holy shit.

and its like I can’t even explain the feelings I have because they wouldn’t make sense. I try to explain and I just end up babbling. So I just randomly stop and say never mind. Or I get embarrassed that I’m talking so much and leave the other person speechless. Like all I do is talk about his and I’s relationship.Β Yes, I could probably validate them somehow, blame it on daddy issues or something but I don’t care for that bullshit. I just want to know how I can control them, how I can live with them if all else fails. Having little trust, less communication, and more distance, yea I don’t really think that sounds like the recipe for success in anything really, let alone a relationship… I just can’t fucking grip this simple concept of having faith, accepting the idea that everything will happen regardless of my actions, thoughts or feelings.

That I simply, have z e r o control outside of myself.

So why not work on me? Why not dedicate the time that I spend on worrying on actually doing something good for myself? From working out consistently and meeting my goals, to continuing my education so I can feel secure as a woman not needing the dependency from others. Why not focus on what I AM doing, how I AM feeling? Why not put myself first?

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Wednesday 31/83 (2/6)

Fuckkkkk. I really need to stop comparing myself with other people because frankly, it is not working.

7 weeks to go and I feel it’s not enough time. My legs are getting lean which is a good thing but I see no definition in my arms (which has ALWAYS been a problem) and my abs are only visible when I wake up in the morning. Though makes perfect sense with the amount of water I drink. Still going to train as if it IS enough time and worry about it later.

Again, I have plans to limit my carbs and fruit intake and up the amount of cardio in a few weeks, so hopefully (fingers crossed) everything works out. Just so nerve-racking sometimes.

Nothing is really effecting my mood lately or my want to binge because that “want” isn’t there anymore. I love my cheat meals but I don’t count down the days till I get one as surprising as that sounds. I do have a hershey kiss in times of “need” πŸ˜‰ but that’s as far as it goes. My cheat meals aren’t even that calorie dense anymore. I just don’t live to eat and that’s how it should be!

My life outside of the gym has been good as well. It’s my boyfriends birthday the day before Valentines day so we are planning on going to Texas De Brazil in Schaumburg which is pretty much an all you can eat MEAT restaurant. You have these cards on the table, along with mashed potatoes, cheese filled biscuits and bananas haha, which are red on one side and green on another. You place the green side up if you want the servers to come around, or flip it to red when you need a little breathing room lol and trust me that red side comes in handy! They come around with endless amounts of meat and it’s just plain awesome. I haven’t been there is forever so super stoked to finally get to go!

Things are starting to look up and I will explain a little more in to detail when I know the time is right.. or when I know I am allowed too πŸ˜‰

Keep pressing on folks!

 

 

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