Tag Archives: movie

Monday 36/83 (2/11)

I totally jinxed myself.

Saturday I went off my rocker. No, I jumped off that bitch.

Oh not following me? I “binged”. Not to the extent of which I have before but definitely consumed a shit load of calories thanks to none other than myself. All I did was sleep and eat chocolate and I would give it all back than have to endure the stomach pains all day sunday. After 2 hour increments of going to the bathroom, I woke up with a 4 month prego food baby looking stomach. I couldn’t even function right. I went to a couple of stores with my mom and had to leave early because the stomach pains just didn’t want to go away. So when I got home I chugged pepto and tried drinking some water. Nothing really helped except a heating pad for about 30 minutes.

I am so dumb. Literally a fucking idiot. Yes, I tell my clients not to worry and not to be upset after a binge or even a legit cheat meal but now I see how it’s so easily said then done. I feel worthless. I already have my doubts about this contest and I just threw it away for a day. Yes a day, so yes I sound like an idiot but I also feel like one. I have yet to do this the entire prep but it’s still no excuse. I have about 6.5 weeks left and here I go doing the destructive things I have done in the past. But it ends here. Maybe I just needed that, maybe it will work out for me in the end. I technically didn’t have a cheat meal last week so … a possible validation? Lol.. no.

That’s what you call an excuse ladies and gentleman!

But I am over it.

Planned my next couple of weeks which will be harder but I really want to start leaning out now. Hopefully my little abs want to make an appearance some time in the near future 🙂

So, even after my baby food drama the boyfriend and I went to sushi. LOL. Hmmm… rice when already bloated? Whatever, it is what it is. We did finish off some fried ice cream because apparently I am just a born fat ass at heart. No lie. We ended up just getting a movie and relaxing the rest of the night (aka I passed out).

Things are starting to get a little nerve-racking lately. By the end of the week things will have drastically changed (for the better, I hope) and change is hard to deal with at times. He (the bf) did mention how maybe all of this will make us work harder into moving in together and how he doesn’t feel any of this will change us. It is always nice to have a little reassurance..  so I am starting not to worry about us that much any more. I just can’t waste time on the unknown. I must have faith that we will be okay at the end of the day, because as much as I preach, everything will be okay in the end. Everything IS done for a reason, and anything meant to be will find a way. All I do know is that I love this man very much and frankly, that’s all that matters.

For now, I want to focus on myself. Get MY shit together and have everything else fall into place.

I have faith.

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Day 42 I’m strong because I know what its like to be weak.

10am Got up laid around with Marley for a little bit…. Didn’t eat till about noon.

1230ish Made steak and eggs but gave Marley most of the eggs.. I didn’t care for them at much.. Had a few slices of pineapple as well.

Decided that I could NOT go to the gym until my blog was finished lol. But WordPress is being pretty gay.. said my post was published when people were already commenting on it… and the pictures were suddenly not there any more 😦 so now I feel all fucked up.

Doing Hamstrings/ Glutes today 🙂

120pm Stomach is fucking hurting again. No flax no nothing.. I think it may of been the pineapple.. what the fuck. :(:( not good.

OHHHHHH and forgot! Made tofu brownies last night.. they weren’t bad at all but I really want to make the black bean brownies now.. I have a feeling they might be a WHOLE lot better 🙂

I don’t know where I got this recipe from.. probably from CCK.. but I don’t really know… :/

(Makes 8 brownies)

  • 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup ww pastry flour (or white, or you can try spelt or gluten-free)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1/2 cup sweetener (see link, below, for lower-sugar version)
  • 1.5 oz  soft tofu or mori-nu firm or lite firm (about 1/8 box)
  • 1/3 cup applesauce (use only 1/4 cup if using 3T oil)
  • 1 to 3 T oil (I use coconut oil. Canola is ok too.)
  • 2 T non-dairy milk
  • 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • optional: you can throw in some chocolate chips

Combine dry ingredients, and mix very well. In a blender, combine wet ingredients and blend until smooth. (I use a Magic Bullet cup.) Pour wet over dry and stir, then pour into a 4×6 oiled pan (or double the recipe and use an 8×8). Cook for 12-18 minutes at 325 F. I’m not sure why this is the case, but these brownies seem to taste ten times sweeter if you don’t eat them for at least an hour after they come out of the oven!

My fudgey variation: (Highly recommended!) If you want them extremely fudgey– as in “so gooey you need a fork to eat them”—cook the batter for only 8-10 minutes. Then put the pan in the fridge to cool for at least a few hours.

Went to the gym around 330pm

HAMMMMMIIIEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS DaTTT ASSS!!!!!

Started with

Deadlift

3 sets of 90lbs and then added an outer 20lbs for the last set.

Back EXT

4x10reps 45lbs w 45lb calf raises

Step ups BW with Lunges

3 Sets each 10 each leg for the step up (BW)
3 Sets of 10 each leg (40lb BB)

Planks

5 Minutes total.

Butt Blaster

3 sets of 8 on 40lbs

10min stairmaster

430pm CHIPOTLE!!!!!

Just chillen now.. Really have to study for a test I have Wednesday and need to check what room my new class is because it starts tomorrow :):)

Laundry, and cleaning room. Not to mention my sister left to go back to MN for school last night :/ and we took a cute pic last night 🙂

Suppose to go to see a movie tonight.. but who knows.. I don’t mind staying in I really do want to study its only on chapter 14 and I actually enjoyed that chapter..AND THIS IS THE SECOND FREAKIN TIME IM TAKING PSYCH.

WHY DO ALL THE TEACHERS STINK THAT TEACH PSYCH??? Seriously.. out of ALLLLL fucking people my professor is a sexiest. no THE sexiest.. but against women sexiest and sometimes its ruthless. I literally shake my head sometimes when I sit in that class.. I am just trying to take it week by week with him.. too late to switch and I don’t think I would of anyways.. no big deal…. unless it gets really out of hand then Ill say something but so far its just annoying and I am not the only one whose noticed it… which isn’t good for him but whatever.

6pm– Tried to write my paper. I, right now, have 3 drafts. fml.

830pm-130am I left to go to a movie and didn’t get back till late. Only had a diet coke and some almonds on my way back home.

130-230am Had a tofu brownie and almond butter. Then a handful of flax cookies. lol.

3am Finally fell asleep.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 28 Big girls don’t cry…anymore.

So the post is pending, I think I fucked something up. Whatever you do, don’t fool around with the publish button. This was before it decided to publish on its own, but then not publish when I want it too.. whatever.

It is 9:22am And I should be getting ready for church but guess were not going. I COULD go by myself.. and maybe I should have, but it was only my second time and I practically backed out of prayer group even with my mom sistting there. Idk . So here is my nasty breakfast (when I SHOULD of made real food, not a liquid one)….

Banana PB icecream on left (which is always good) and my nasty ass protein shake on the right.
It is whole foods brand, mixed with superblend and coconut milk and 4-5 ice cubes. and it literally tasted like ass.

I waited a little bit (more web surfing facefucking) probably smoked some more pot. finished my taxes though…
and then headed to the gym at around 130pm.. Did a little arm work out! <ENTER SARCASM HERE. AND EVERYWHERE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER> you know my FAVE!!

I needed a little matter before my mind 😉
DEF needed a “pre workout” or some sort to even want to think about doing arms..
It wasn’t so bad though. I have been feeling stronger and it makes the work out that much better.

Started with

Standing DB curls 25 lbs 12 reps super setted with standing BB 40lbs curls 10 reps 4 x thru.

Assisted dips 8 reps ss with BW dips 10 reps 3 x thru

Tricep Pushdown 12 reps ss w Cable curls 25,30,35 lbs x 6-8 reps 3 x thru

I was just about to rant about “common sense” gym “rules” lol.. when I realized no one has common sense to begin with, why would I ever think they would have manners in a gym setting? People are ignorant, yes I have been myself, but I don’t just go up to a machine and take it. I ask around if it looks like someone might be there and if no one speaks up then I proceed. But WHAT THE F U C K ? !  not only did these 2 individuals not care, they took part of my machine down so they could do pointless AB exercises, (sorry still a firm believer in abs are made in the kitchen). I was like whatever and just kept going with the cable curls.

I ended with 8 pathetic bosu ball push ups 2 sets of pathetic triceps pushback 15lbs for 8 reps

and just decided to do my planks. So 5 minutes of F/S/S still only doing 30 seconds each.

Was everyone aware of my little decision to do this entire contest prep with ONLY DOING PLANKS! GOT THAT FOLKS?!??!?! So all my progress pics, and my befores and afters will have been only with the help of planks. Well see how I turn out.

That and I only wanted to do the stair master for this contest prep as well bc I was gay last year and did the treadmill (and lost my precious ass), but like today, though Im not doing cardio on the weekends yet I wanted to do some for the hell of it. Stair master was taken by 3 people holding on, so I decided to do 20 minutes of treadmill on an 10 or higher level at about 2.8 mph. Wasn’t bad either, I could feel how sore my butt cheeks are from those lunges though yesterday. lol

3pm Chicken corn 1/4c brown rice and broccoli and I ate some lite sour cream for after my workout. Fucking bomb.

Seriously I am addicted to corn (only on the weekends do I have it), but what the fuck is going on?
what is up with these corn cravings lol

So I came upstairs and decided to chill for a little bit, update this lovely blog of mine before I do a clean sweep of my room. Going to see project x tonight at around 930, should be good. HEard it was lol. oh AND MY FUCKING TAXES ALREADY CAME BACK RETURNED! UGHHHHHHHHHH!

Whatever that and I think my license is going to be suspended. not even joking. well see. staying positive.

I think I mentioned last night but this is the 60 second chocolate cake I made last night. HOLY SHIT. I AM IN L O V E! Def a great weekend “cheat”

Screenshot from Chocolate covered katie )

Sorry my pictures actually look like shit.. And def doesn’t do it justice.. But can you see how moist it is? And so fucking chocolately (and to think I could of added some cocoa nibs or even cc’s!) But this was fantastic. I literally went back up to bed with a huge smile on my face. It was that good. And it had 3 TBS WW flour and 3 tsp cane sugar, those 2 were the only bad ingredients and it wasn’t even that much. Anywho, hope you all try it.. you will not be disappointed.

and as you know well you don’t but its 4:41 pm

and all I have done is surf the web. and smoke pot.. but thats just cuz.. I was gonna be laying here anyways lol.. but better for you because I have some cool pictures. and some super motivation. BUT here is first shit I am going to buy as soon as my dad sends my $$$ for school ( I already paid for it so relax kids). Id say my income taxes too but that has to go to my savings.. I just randomly went on spending sprees. (no thanks for j stano’s blog lol)

These are from liftbigeatbig.com ❤

So super excited. The middle one will be a sweatshirt, in that purple. The purple looks so dope. And I would do the I know squat in a sweatshirt too but I don’t think they have them yet. Gosh do I know how I randomly found this site. :):)

So I ate at 3ish, so eat again at 6ish… but will be at movies at 9.. hmmm… maybe a quick protein shake at 9 or something.. I am going to go make steak and sweet potato fries. A way to kind of end my weekend cheats 🙂 I love sweet potato fries now.. mmmmmm I gotta start eating them raw though.. well cross that bridge when we come to it.. should be cleaning up here soon and then Ill head out.

and heres some lovely motivation :

 Like look at how sexy these ladies are. Why would you NOT want to feel good and look good? Everyone wants to look good but no one wants to do the work ( i think I should of quoted someone there). Yes it does take TIME and PATIENCE, but when you get the ball rolling you get more into it. You get excited, and it doesn’t become like a chore any more. You relearn eating habits that become your lifestyle. You feel good in every aspect of your life. You finally feel like you can breathe.

Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to live HAPPIER and HEALTHIER?????

You guys have no idea what you are doing to your bodies by NOT doing something (EXERCISE/ EAT RIGHT!!)

I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite or a  health maniac but maybe it’ll take someone close to you endure something as scary as a stroke, or learn they have diabetes, to understand how dangerous all the stuff we are consuming on a daily basis actually is!

Open your eyes people, that and put down the fucking mcdonalds garbage (except the cinnamelts eat those as much as you want).. jk lol.

or don’t. and do what you wanna do, because thats what you’ve always done. but told look for sympathy, expect an I told you so.

You guys need to be aware. Forget vanity, looking good is just an added bonus. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

Actually fuck it. The more I think about it. Do what you want. I smoked for 2 years because I wanted too, that and I actually enjoyed smoking the cigeratte FUCK LUNG CANCER! I was anorexic for 2 years because I wanted to be skinny.FUCK OSTEOPOROSIS! I then puked for a few years FUCK AMENORRHEA! hurting myself even more. Then I moved onto binge eating and doing considerable damage to my body. Then I shaped up and stopped being fucking stupid.

But honestly, that was my route. Do as you please. Inject your steroids. Smoke crack. The older you get your looks fade, the older you get your health fades. In the end were all fucked. So keep blacking out on the weekends and doing stupid shit. To each their own.

Thank God you’re reading my blog. 😉

655pm I’m talking to a kid i don’t want to talk too and a guy that broke my heart (and was “the reason” I went on the worst binge of my life) texted me for the first time in months… awkward.. **** ACTUALLY*** THis is the reason my title is the way it is. FUCK THESE GUYS WHO THINK THEY CAN MANIPULATE YOU!!. Low self esteem can be easily taken advantage of. I will stand strong in my relationships with people, and more importantly the relationship I have with food. fuck that shit. seriously. and to all the dumbasses that are with significant others and are unhappy WTFFFFFFF?!?!?!?!??! Actually fuck that.. thats a whole nother blog. Def not now. My eyelids are closing and I have to go watch a movie in an hour.

Not worth mentioning in detail any person mentioned above. lol

Just ate my steak and sweet potatoes will be posting a pic obviously lol because it looked sooo good.. finishing up, actually Ill just post it before I go to the movies.

Project X and Im getting a huge ass diet coke. UHHHHHHHHH can’t fucking wait. Ill miss not getting popcorn though. I do remember hiding chicken and tuna in my bag when I was doing my show last year lol.. That was always awkward. Tuna really doesn’t smell sometimes.

Ok okokok. SO i didn’t cook any of my food, except more steak. so tomorrow Im going to have to bring broccoli or starve all day. I will make the meatballs tomorrow. MAYBEEEEE make the pizookie when I get home (probably NOT), that or make it before leg day not Tuesday. Anywho.. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I was a lazy ass as usual. Seriously I’m going to church with or without her next week.

and because Im doing back tomorrow ..

Goodnight ❤

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