Tag Archives: Muscle

Playing catch up!

It seems that when I get overwhelmed, my blogging takes a hiatus. I think that’s because at times, blogging overwhelms me. I never proofread because I will end up highlight select all delete that shit.

So.. please excuse my lack of consistency and spelling errors.

Lets begin shall we. As one would guess, yes I am stressed. Overwhelmed is such a great word though.. fits me perfectly.. or this situation rather. Though I seem to use it quite frequently. Hmm.. Any who.. things have been good things have been bad, the only difference than before is I feel like I am keeping my head above water. That staying afloat, is not as hard as I was making it out to be.

I don’t care what life throws at me anymore.. Ill be scared when things stop and I have nothing to dodge anymore.. I mean… Just because you were given something, or dealt a shitty hand in life, doesn’t mean there’s only one solution.. that you have to continue on to a less successful path. You can make something out of nothing and I no longer want to coast through life. I want to make something happen. I want to start at the bottom through my trials and tribulations and just soar. I want to live. I am in the prime of my time. No rent, no bills (cell, insurance food ext but that’s it), no children, nothing should be stopping me. I have used my sister’s situation in as comparison and just because she’s about to finish school because financially she was helped, doesn’t mean I can’t. Just because NOTHING… I really am sick and tired of it.

I go off on tangents and I just don’t know when to quit.

Like this picture for example. One night I got upset, and instead of writing on the notepad app, I took to instagram. This was pretty recent and I just kept typing.

-1

Brighter side of things that just so happens to add to the stress, I am taking my NASM certification in 3 months. Stoked to have it on my resume, but nervous about the level of skill it will take to pass this test. I am just hoping with my 4 levels of experience that SOMETHING has caught on.. never mind.. just wish me luck lol..

Outside of constantly being busy with studying the next couple of months, I am training for a show. I don’t even know if I mentioned I was doing one last year (that I ended up NOT doing), but 2014 is going to be my next debut ;P I have a great team working with me and I cannot be happier. Working at this _ _ fitness has really opened my eyes up to the corporate world but even more so to some really incredible people. I am so blessed to finally have a group of people that know whats up. Life isnt about partying and bullshitting around.. Yes I would rather be at home in bed, but I at least want to be working on SOMETHING productive in my life. I don’t want all that bullshit. I want to focus and stay motivated in what I want to achieve in the next couple of months/year. I want to prove to MYSELF, no one else, myself that I can do this. I want to be lean. I want to be strong. I want to pass this NASM test so I feel like I do have some intelligence. I have so much that I want to knock off the list for 2014.

I am, however, making a promise to myself that if I am not where I want to be (or at least attempting it) that I will quit my job and go help people. I don’t care if it’s in chicago feeding the homeless, to moving to Africa to help children read. I think that sounds like a legit goal/promise.. Yeah, im gonna go with that.

So, that being said. I am currently 12 weeks out. I start my diet tomorrow which consists of a little carb cycling. I seem to pick up results pretty quickly with this. I will be taking progress pictures and as long as I get around to it, Ill post them weekly. I wont be doing any cardio for the first couple of weeks. No cardio as in, you wont be seeing my ass on a treadmill.. will you see me jumping around on a bench doing ski jumps or box jumps? You betchya!

Lets leave you with a few pictures. Some are just a few weeks of recap, and the my recent XMAS trip to Wisconsin. Enjoy! And don’t forget to check back in a week for simple fitness tips tricks and recipes. Man.. my blog is getting boring quick.

First snow storm with Marley.

First snow storm with Marley.

Ice skating in Chicago <3

Ice skating in Chicago ❤

Yes this went down. BBQ chicken pizza from Papa Johns. AH-mazing.

Yes this went down. BBQ chicken pizza from Papa Johns. AH-mazing.

Still got em.. sort of.. ;P

Still got em.. sort of.. ;P

Ashley Horner. My Motivation for life.

Ashley Horner. My Motivation for life.

Up in Wisco. This is a screenshot of a video the boy took. It was hilarious but I cant post it. :$

Up in Wisco. This is a screenshot of a video the boy took. It was hilarious but I cant post it. :$

-4

SELFIE!!! Beautiful scenery in Wisconsin.

SELFIE!!! Beautiful scenery in Wisconsin.

Last but not least, just most recent my crazy insane red hair color.

Last but not least, just most recent my crazy insane red hair color.

Yeah… my blogs like that.

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I cried. I puked. I conquered.

Literally.

I ended up training with H and J at around noon. I was coming back from the body shop, so the gym was on the way. I ended up trying to bail, but figured I needed to get my ass kicked. And kicked it sure got. We didn’t even do much (45 minutes with 3 people training), and I literally cried, and puked TWICE! We did some lunges to stretch before and after actually, but started with the leg press.

Started with 180 pounds, all the way to 360. After we got to 360, we started with it again but drop set -90 lbs each side (so a 45 from each side) till we ended with 180 again. THIS. KILLED. ME. I did stop a couple of times, but I finished. Afterwards, I had to lay down. It felt similar to the pain I felt when I cried at the Hack Squat a month or so ago, but this was entirely worse. I couldn’t keep any position of my legs from keeping them from literally stinging. I laid down and went from dripping sweat to getting the chills. It took me awhile to recover. So long (in my head) that I contemplated telling em I was thru.

Though, I continued. We did some plyo work and weighted hip thrusters. After this we did 4 (or 5.. I think 4), box jump to burpee. 20 of them. Yea…… insert trash can here. We lunged back to our desk and.. insert trash can here… Yea we were all done after that. So……. it was, to say the least, intense.

I miss these work outs. I have been getting it in with a couple different people (lol nvm) and it has been a huge help in regards to hitting different muscles and just always a good time when you aren’t training yourself. My work outs have been good, my eating has been like 75%. Gotta get that shit back up. Here until the holidays I was to be 90% clean, then beginning of Jan back to 100%. I have a lot of goals I am looking to achieve in 2014. I think this will be the year I get my head out of my ass.

We went to Sushi and got my favorite roll. Imo gima or Idk. lmao

We went to Sushi and got my favorite roll. Imo gima or Idk. lmao

Sorry, had too.

Sorry, had too.

A lot has gone on though, so I do apologize for not updating you on my pointless life’s events.. A real close friend (and someone who impacted me deeply) passed away this weekend. We had his wake last night and the funeral was today (Wednesday). RIP Mikey.

Other horrible life altering news has been heard in my immediate family. Don’t feel its appropriate to write here, so I obviously wont. But know that i am praying for you MD.

OH! I got rear ended the first legit snow storm of the year. Sunday or Monday was it? I don’t know, but long story short, she ran. I had to chase her but it’s not like it was hard going 25 miles per hour. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?? My fender is flying, I have a quarter size hole in my bumper and my tail pipe is bent and stained with her paint. L O L. Whatever.. it is what it is. So far, everything has gone super smoothly. *knock on wood*

I FIND YOUUUU!

I FIND YOUUUU!

Atleast Marleys happy theres snow..

At least Marley’s happy there’s snow..

So, as you can tell I have been super emotional lately. I am trying to still figure out my weaknesses and how to overcome them. I am still figuring out who I want to keep close, and who I should back away from.. I just feel that I’ll start getting overwhelmed sooner than later. That is a weakness because I fall victim to it, so I am wondering how I can prevent this knowing beforehand it’ll happen. I know I need to talk to someone.. someone unbiased but I don’t want my past (more so not having a father) to be blamed for this… Or validating my emotions. I don’t need validation I need help on how to tone them down a bit. Ugh! I need a lot. More clients, a degree, a new car.. sanity..

I’m kidding. I am grateful for even being able to feel hate love sadness pain. I want to embrace it. No one is safe.

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Meow.

It’s been a while, nothing new apparently..

Justine and I started tracking our macros and its been quite overwhelming… I have been planning each and every meal and its been quite the tedious work over here..  BUT!!!!! I am SUPER excited. If I’ve mentioned the road to ripped before, forget all that mumbojumob… this is where it’s at! I have never felt so prepared and excited over contest prep before… I think it’s because I like how I look (and can PICK HEAVY ASS SHIT UP!) however, “I’m about to tear it up now…” (Rob Bailey you da best) and become the leanest I have ever been. I will not fail myself this time. I will not disappoint, more importantly, I. Will. Not. Give. Up.

Some of my meal prepping..

Some of my meal prepping.. * After posting, I realize most of these meals were on my low carb days. Keep that in mind. I have many carbs later in the week.

My lunch box.. haha.. some gucaomole chicken, eggs.. ew..

My lunch box.. haha.. some gucaomole chicken, eggs.. ew..

Once I switched bacon for my egg and I never looked back.. ;)

Once I switched bacon for my egg and I never looked back.. 😉

This is my meal plan. DO NOT follow unless you are a 147lb 5'6 @22% BF, female looking to get down to 14% body fat.. It wont work! Nor is this anything to play around with.. This macro thing is overwhelming at times. ASK FOR HELP!

This is my meal plan. DO NOT follow unless you are a 147lb 5’6 @22% BF, female looking to get down to 14% body fat.. It wont work! Nor is this anything to play around with.. This macro thing is overwhelming at times. ASK FOR HELP!

It seems that ever since I started training at LA, I have met and become good friends with some really good people (met more weirdos though…). We have become each others support systems when it seems like “outsiders” wouldn’t.. We become not only our own motivation, but each others as well.. and I can’t fathom it any other way..

Relationships have taken their tolls, short days have turned into long ones, work outs have become a get a way and our body seen as a temple. The more we work and work together, the more we are accomplishing each and every day. Though for some, it doesn’t seem that way but that’s all part of trusting the process… that one day.. through committment, consistency and dedication, that one day we too will be masters of our domain. That we will not be stopped. That whatever we may do, come in contact with , or face will be nothing short of a mental victory for us. We are battling each and every day and we will continue to battle each and every day. Some days it’s against the world, others it’s against ourselves, which ever may be the case it won’t matter, because at the end of it all, we will be victorious.

I have really good vibes about 2014. Not only is 14 my favorite number, but I am ready to take my life by the horns and finally do something with it. Instead, I’ve just kinda sat here.. and wished.. sometimes even prayed for something to give.. my life to be easier.. idk fuck… just something! But today, I sit here.. okay like half ass sitting, writing this.. realizing that I need to create my worth! (thanks again FNF ;P ), that sitting here hoping for something is just as relevant as standing in the rain hoping to stay dry.. I mean… you could.. if you had an umbrella.. or something to stand under.. so… I want hard work and persistence (maybe even a little confidence but that is still currently being worked on) to be my “umbrella”! Alright, that may be a weird ass metaphor but the point I am trying to make is that, dreaming about something isn’t good enough, you need to do everything in your power to make that dream come true. Stop wishing, start doing.

Recent progress. I ate a lot of oreos so.... I am happy. lol. This was also the start of prep.

Recent progress. I ate a lot of oreos so…. I am happy. lol. This was also the start of prep.

I do feel kinda tiny in this pic.. BUT I am THEEEE strongest I have ever been!

I do feel kinda tiny in this pic.. BUT I am THEEEE strongest I have ever been!

Weekend update:

What day is today.. ? I have been messing up all my days lately. Saturday.. High carb day.. how could I forget with my meal being in an hour or so… oatmeal with an apple.. mmm and cinnamon.. mm and flaxseed.. because I need the fiber.. lol. So far, this first week was good. The counting weighing and all that mumbo jumbo is a little overwhelming but you get the hang of it.. I mean.. hopefully.. lol.

Random PICTURE INSERTION ALERT! My hair is FLIPPIN red!

Random PICTURE INSERTION ALERT! My hair is FLIPPIN red!

I have yet to take off or have a rest day and I want one. I know I will feel lonely and bored the whole day, but my body aches, and I have put it through some tough shit this week. I was able to rep out 40’s on a shoulder press being my last set. Chest on Friday I nearly died but I benched 115 after 4 or 5 working sets.. MEANING I AM ABLE TO THROW 45’S ON EACH SIDE FOR REPPPPPSSSSS!!!!! That was a goal of mine and I am so stoked..

My goals for 2014 are:
To complete pistol squats (Full ROM- BOTH LEGS!!!!).
20 Pull ups in a row.
10 Wide Grip Pull Ups in a row.
Deadlift over 250+
Inquire about power lifting/ bikini competitions

I think that’s it for now. I mean the list was sporadic so I may go back and edit them in.

So, today. Get to work at 930am after deciding to ditch spin class. After my first client, I trained with Todd for about 45 minutes. Throwing boxing into the mix has been a nice spice to the routine… After that I trained shoulders with Eric and he put me through a CRAZY ass shoulder work out. I was just about to get started working out when he came up and struck up a conversation.. Long story short I asked him what he was training, he said shoulders and I was like HELL YEA! It is always nice to train with someone else. The different switch in the routine is so enticing… He is actually the  guy I replaced here at AL lol.. Hes a cool guy. I originally didn’t find him very pleasing (nor did I know who he was at the time) because I saw him leg press a shit ton.. and I mean a shit ton of 45’s and walk away from the entire thing.. I mean leave like 2 or 3 on each side (you know.. to motivate people LOL)… but come on…… that’s how I figure I hurt my wrist. Unloading so many damn 45’s from yall bodybuildAH’s.

Kidding.. of course.

Anyways after that I had one more client. After stuffing all my needed meals in at their desired times.. Harpreet Rosa and Cylia met up at AL with Justine and I and we all went to Fit Nation and signed up for the 7 day guest pass. This place is nice.. I think I may do a photo dump post so I will save some of the pictures for then.. That and because I am super lazy and uploading pictures on this damn thing is always so damn difficult. Anyways.. I worked out a little, trying out the Jacobs Ladder. Hit a little chest/back.. then headed home to eat meal #3 lol.. I am just excited about carbs.. I mean let me.. tomorrow and the following 5 days all I really get is fat (yes, protein but I’m sick of protein.. all of IIITTT!!!!!! <— and to think its only been a week of this!!! lol).

I’m about to relax and anticipate my cinnamon apple oatmeal I am about to demolish in a second.. Tomorrow might be a late night work out with the crew.. although I want to rest..We may end up opening up the gym tomorrow night and running shit. Gym all to ourselves… music blasting.. mmmmmm

Zombie mentality, work past dead.

The ever so beautiful, Dana L. Bailey!

The ever so beautiful, Dana L. Bailey!

<3

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Consistency IS key.

Blueberry protein muffins are away baking so figured I had some time to update my blog a tad. I don’t have much to say but want to stay consistent with things in my life. Yes, consistent. I fall in and out of patterns and habits so quickly I get overwhelmed trying to juggle it all. So.. this is one of them. I want to keep blogging although sometimes I either A. don’t want to or B. really have nothing interesting to say so why say it at all.
I have been baking.
A LOT.

Weird, I know. But I found a recipe (actually the pumpkin chocolate chip muffin one I posted prior) and I have been changing and adapting adding and subtracting! I’ve made the PCP ones 3 times, and an apple cinnamon one. So adding the blueberry to the list as well! I made a blueberry pancake today and figured since the boy is coming back from a week long fishing trip, I could bake him some! Okay, its really because the apple cinnamon ones are gone already. lol. Saturday morning I made butterscotch pancakes and let me tell you.. AHHHHH Mazing. I actually think I made those twice as well. The only thing is the butterscotch chips do have sugar in them obviously, so I only used a couple. I think the reason is that I only use a couple of ingredients so its easy to prep and bake. Plus.. who wouldn’t want delicious protein desserts to snack on when in doubt?

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

My amazing boo. With an awesome catch and award winning smile.

photo 3

..and I mean snack on. These bad boys are no joke. Although they only have like 150-175 calories per muffin……………. eating 3 in one sitting (NO JOKE THEY WERE JUST SO GOOD OUT OF THE OVEN)! They will send you right to the bathroom. Ugh.

So outside of all the goodies I made this past 3 day weekend, I also made a healthy mac and cheese and fucked the whole 2 dishes up. I over cooked it. 😦 bummer. So I wont be posting the recipe till I perfect it.

photo 2

The mac n' cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

The mac n’ cheese with some chicken for a post work out meal.

I’ve been hanging in there. Work is about to get even crazier but I have been taking time out to figure out new ways to get my clients attention. Who wants to be spending even more money on something they aren’t putting their effort into? I have a different mindset. After being this way for years, I don’t think I will ever change. My idea of what I want to look like wont just change over night. I cant even fathom getting pregnant…. good thing I have years and years before that happens. I want to be STRONG yet look that way as well. I don’t care about being called pretty thin fat manly, any of that. I want to be looked at and someone saying DAMMMMMMNNNNN she must be strong.. then watch me and be like DAAAAMMNNN she IS strong. lol. But back to what I was saying earlier, this is also something I want to stay consistent with. I feel like I get to a certain point then think I get go back to my old ways, or something that day pisses me off and I eat and ruin a week.. or I don’t know. Something, anything can throw me off. BECAUSE I ALLOW IT. That or I really want it.. for that moment. regardless, I am going to stay strong. Again. and again and again. See… at least I am not giving up. I want to get LEAN. The healthy way of course. But I want to see where I can take my body too. Hopefully with this new mindset I have randomly seemed to have grasped, I want to be proud of myself.

The muffins are about to be done. I am going to head out to the boys place and relax the rest of the night. Hes been driving for hours, so I am sure he isn’t going to want to do much. So enjoy my photo hoarding for the week.

LOVE this so much.

LOVE this so much.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

<3

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop...

I should print this and stick it on my fridge, car, laptop…

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

Amazing. Cannot wait to get lean as fuck.

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Birthday, Binging and Bitching.

Well well well.. If you would look at that… what’s it been.. over a week now?

In that case, lets take a look into what I have been doing, or have not been doing with a little recap, and random as hell pictures I have taken through out the week…

So, life caught up to me and I have been having a lot of ups and downs. Still trying to feel afloat and stay positive thru everything that’s been thrown at me. I guess that’s all you can do right? A long story short, the week drastically turned for the worse when I visited my college looking for a few answers and was left with nothing. Literally nothing. No financial aid, nothing. I have no idea what went wrong but without help I cannot afford to go. Though, I am taking that with a grain a salt and focusing on spending that time studying for my NASM certificate. My certification that I have now, doesn’t expire for a little less than a year, but I want to refresh myself. I also want a more recognized certification, not some run of the mill one that I currently have.

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Progress shot, before I went all ape shit on thousands of calories..

Spent friday before work, walking pitbulls at a rescue.

Spent Friday before work, walking pit bulls at a rescue.

After school took a dump on me, I was feeling insecure about the relationship I have with my boyfriend. Things have been super rocky and this takes a total toll on my life. I can’t allow that anymore. I am done over analyzing and not trusting him. Because in the end, I AM THE ONE SUFFERING!!! I am no longer holding my true self hostage over some one else. Yes, I still love him and will love him and will continue the relationship as long as its healthy, but no more doing what I have been doing to myself. Nope. Not going to happen. I would rather lose the relationship than myself.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But thats because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.  Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Yes, some of these pictures are going to have nothing to do with what I am talking about. But that’s because telling you what I ate, is well.. rather boring. So instead, just look.
Greek yogurt, blueberries and Kashi cereal.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Whole Wheat pasta, Ground Turkey and Tomatoes.

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Eating a ton of Quest Bars lately. JUST GOT THE WHITE CHOCOLATE RASPBERRY!!!!

Lets jump around to another day shall we? One night we went to his buddies house, after we got some food at Jason’s Deli. I got a whole wheat wrap with spinach and turkey. Or should I say, a spinach wrap with a side of turkey. I was a little disappointed. Had mixed steamed veggies on the side as well. Though shortly after, my stomach started hurting. I ended up spending the entire time on the total debating whether I should move, or if I was in fact going to puke. Lets just say, I made it to the couch safe and sound. Now, this wasn’t exciting but this lead to my binging.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:     2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)     1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt     1/2 tsp cinnamon     2 tsp baking powder     1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)     pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice     1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)     1 cup milk of choice (240g)     1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)     3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)     1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g) Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Binged on these too. Healthy or not. Recipe is from Chocolate Covered Katie:
2 cups spelt flour (250g) (All-purpose also works, and a reader had success with Bob’s gf mix plus 1 tsp xantham gum)
1/2 tsp plus 1/8 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar of choice or xylitol (100g)
pinch pure stevia, or 2 tbsp more sugar of choice
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (15g)
1 cup milk of choice (240g)
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract (6g)
3 tbsp vegetable or coconut oil (30g)
1 1/3 cups fresh blueberries (165g)
Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease a muffin tin or line with muffin liners. In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients very well. In a separate bowl, whisk together all remaining ingredients except blueberries. Pour wet into dry, stir until just evenly mixed, and then add the blueberries. Gently stir again, but only until evenly mixed. It’s important to not over-stir and break the berries. Pour into the muffin tins and bake 19 minutes. Muffins should look perfectly domed when you take them out. Allow to sit 10 minutes before removing from the tins. Makes 14-15 muffins.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Quest Bar. Ftw.

Yes, you read that right. I, for the first time in MONTHS, binged. I believe it started Sunday night, or mid afternoon. I don’t know what got into me, but after going a month without cheat meals, I went crazy. Waffles and ice cream, chocolate up the ass. Literally.. carbs for days. I don’t know if I was just drained, mentally.. or deprived.. or depressed.. but I definitely stress ate the fuck out of everything in sight. Maybe it was because I knew my birthday was only days away.. but then again that would just be a validation and fuck those. So.. Monday was an all or nothing.. then it led to Tuesday as well. By Wednesday (my birthday), I believe I was alright. I got a work out in (the first one of the week) and continued to eat good.. That is till I got home. I told my boyfriend I was binging (which is the first time I have ever admitted to it) and he felt pretty bad. I think it was because he ended up bringing a pie over (again, for my birthday) and didn’t want me to feel anymore guilty. But let me tell you. I was looking forward to it and regardless of whatever was going on inside my head, it was birthday and I was going to eat it regardless.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

Birthday dinner @ Texas de Brazil.

So, I spent my birthday pretty low key. Hung around the house, got to sleep pretty early. Thursday I had to be up at 4am because I had to wash my spray tan off (L O L) and had clients starting around 5am. Eating wise, I did okay. Snuck a few bites of pie in but nothing too crazy. Wonder why? well let me just cure your curiosity. The boy and I went to an all you can eat meat buffet. Yep. Texas de Brazil 🙂 I knew that going on an empty stomach wasn’t the smartest idea, as you may or may not believe. So I made sure I ate a little previously to eating dinner. THe night didn’t go as planned but I am not going to go into detail about it because I plan on moving on and remembering the good times. After we left for dinner, we rented a movie and got a small thing of ice cream. He mentioned going to the casino but by this time it was around 11pm and anyone that knows me even the slightest bit knows that by 11pm I want to pass the F out.. However.. I was actually open to the idea. After bumming around for 30 minutes we headed out. We only spent about an hour there. The first machine we sat down next to, I ended up winning $75. That was nice. Considering I have been to many casinos and HAVE NEVER WON BEFORE! I ended up cashing out, giving the boo back $20 and kept $40 in my pocket so I would be up all night. Left the casino and headed to bed.

Now we have today. Ate a pretty healthy “breakfast” at around 2pm and hung out with each other till I hate to leave for work at 3. I got to work and trained 2 clients, and then….. had 6 cancellations. Yep. So I ended up half assing a work out, went to the store for a few things and arrived home around 7:30pm.

Now.. a recap of what I have learned this week:

I needed to take a break from eating as clean as I did for 4 weeks.
I cannot depend on someone for my own happiness.
I can eat a lot.

Basically that sums up everything. But since this is a road to ripped, fitness enthused blog. I wanted to take a little look into what this week really meant. I believe that everything happens for a reason. That being said, I truly believe I needed this week “off” to gain control back. I needed to take a look at myself, whether it was in disgust (I mean.. come on. How would you feel THOUSANDS OF CALORIES later???), or in a positive manner. I ended up gaining 7 lbs and although I felt like crap the days I ate like crap (coincidence?), I was physically and mentally drained. I am currently 13 weeks out from another bikini show (which is a huge amount of time), and excited to get back on track. Because although I was LOVING the progress I was making, everything seemed like a chore to me. I was excited about working out (WHEN I was working out) but prior everything about the day was just annoying me. Prepping my meals, working out for however long, dealing with people and clients who didn’t take training seriously, or whatever it was… it was on my last nerve.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

7lbs heavier. Just another reason to get my head out of my ass.

So, what I am trying to say, is that sometimes we all need just a mini “vaca” away from our every day life once in a while. Especially if you are competing or working out tremendously throughout the week, you have to LISTEN to your body. NO! I am NOT saying to binge in any way shape or form.. but give yourself a break. If you want a PB&J sandwich.. have that motherfucking PB&J sandwich. This is LIFE.. you are supposed to enjoy it. Don’t fall victim to becoming obsessive and unhealthy about what you are doing. Training should give you a mental toughness on what you can endure. It is a way of life. It is supposed to help motivate you to make healthier decisions, to live longer, to be HAPPY and in LOVE with the person that’s looking back at you in mirror. Try to find a balance. We all just need to find a balance.

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Highlights!

Highlights of my week (since I fell off the radar. Imagine that):

Thursday:

Leg Day and holy hell was it crazy.
300 squats. Yes, 3 0 0.
50 @ 45lbs
40 @ 65lbs
30 @ 85lbs
20 @ 105lbs
10 @ 125lbs
10 @125lbs
20 @ 105lbs.. ext you get the picture. All the way back up to 50 reps.

It took us a little over an hour to complete. I was exhausted.

-1

I have been tracking my food intake for the last couple days. I have been staying around 2000 calories but haven’t been paying attention to my carbs/protein as much. Starting this week (tomorrow), I will get more detailed about it.

2051 calories
244g carbs
191g protein
36g fat

With 1196 calories burned via exercise.

Friday:

Didn’t have too busy of a day. Most of my clients cancelled. I really didn’t do a full work out either. I attempted to do a little upper body but mentally was just not there. The calories burned (286) were from taking Marley to the park. I did some lunges and a sort little exercise. I didn’t count (or track via my heart rate monitor) the sad excuse for an upper body work out I did before I had my first client. So, nothing too interesting. Nor anything to “highlight”.

1814 calories
185g car
196g protein
42g fat

286 calories burned via exercise.

Saturday:

Woke up pretty early for my first client around 8am. I had one more before I did a spin class at 9am. This is basically my only form of cardio right now. So yes, not as lean as I would like but I am not going to do what I did last contest prep and over due cardio to try to speed up the process.

Here is a picture I took Saturday:

-2

Sitting at 150lbs still. Not losing any weight, but I am not really trying to. Again. have been eating around 2000 calories and only about an hour of cardio. It is very important that the next 15 weeks, that I stay positive and in the day. Last prep, I did too  much cardio and lost my ass in fear that my abs wouldn’t show. For anyone doing a competition (actually, for any one starting a new fitness regimen) DO NOT FIGHT THE PROCESS!! Of course we all want to be lean and some of us would like to look “shredded”. It WILL come. Just be patient. I have a lot of room to play around with via my food intake and adding more cardio. You have to understand the basics before you start starving yourself to lose the weight. What ends up happening is you mess up your metabolism and will gain the weight right back. It is a vicious cycle. Do some research, or hire someone to do it for you and take each day as it comes. I promise you that it will be worth it. Ended my work day around 1:30pm.

On my way to the boys house!

On my way to the boys house!

I got home around 2 and took a shower before I headed to the boyfriend’s house. Actually, I took a shower and slept for an hour before I headed to the boyfriend’s house. He had a big party to go to that I was actually quite anxious about going too. I am not a big drinker (actually when I do drink, I don’t get drunk. So Please don’t pass the bottle, pass a motherfucking cupcake. Way worth the calories than)! I actually don’t like the whole partying lifestyle and quite frankly, just not my thing. So, that being said it was hard to see him enjoying his liquor as much as he was. I am however, not his mother and although I spoke my mind, I felt like I had no right. I want him to have fun.. but I don’t trust a lot about that lifestyle. Acting way different drunk than sober. Getting loud and acting like his friends but after a few talks with a new client of mine, and his and I’s tispy talk, I am no longer going to worry (yes, WAY easier said then done) about our relationship. I feel like I have finally found a happy medium and will continue to stay positive and pray. I don’t know. But before I choke on my words, It wasn’t that bad. Granted it was supposed to be WAY bigger than it was, I didn’t have as bad of a time as I thought I would sober. Just sat there drinking my water 🙂 and eating of course. Though, not everything I wanted. There was 3 different cakes, and dips and great freakin stuff! But I held my own and my lovely boyfriend fed me meat all night. I added in my calories (although I guessed) and it came out to be like 700 calories worth of meat. Def don’t think that’s legit but whatever 🙂 Still met my goal.

Well.. only because by the time I took 3 bites of his oreo cake (WHICH BTW WAS AMAZING), it was passed midnight. So I added the 150 calories of cake to the next day.

1990 Calories
158g carbs
133g protein
89g fat

317 calories burned via spin class.

Sunday Funday:

We didn’t get home till around 4am after making a pit stop at a secret fishing spot (he caught 2 bass pretty quickly and randomly) and at his buddies house. We slept in till around 12:30 ( I know!! :/) haha and headed downtown Chicago for some sushi. Knowing this, I was a little sad because it is my favorite sushi place and I really wanted to stay on my 4 week no cheat challenge. But when we got there, the owner who is one of our good friends picked out a dish that wasn’t on the menu and ordered it for me. It was basically chicken and veggies with brown rice (sauce on the side, though I just used soy sauce). I was super happy! And to think I thought all I would have would be edamame. Blah! After that, we drove home. He felt bloated (per usual) and I felt fine. It’s a whole different story when you don’t eat till you’re full. It almost feels good. Not to forget, that by 6pm I still had my abs. Hell yes! All thanks to a little challenge I created for myself. Only 10 days though!! Just 10 days and I can enjoy a full on cheat meal! So glad its my birthday too. It will be a double whammie!! yes.. I just said whammie.

 

Dragonfly in Chicago!

Dragonfly in Chicago!

We laid in bed for a bit, while the food digested. Took the dog for a walk and I left shortly after. I have to be up at 5am tomorrow and well.. it never gets any easier. Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day, but I guess it is what it is. Hopefully have a nice little upper body work out!

1795 calories (although I MAY eat another meal. I’m not sure).
167g carbs
86g protein (fail)
57g fat

0 exercise. My lovely day off!

Time to snooze!

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I’ve seen better days.

Of course, its been 3 days since I last posted. Things have been hectic to say the least. Waking up at 4am the past few days and working till 9pm for a company that doesn’t deserve my time, is stressful. That being said, I am actively working towards my own business. No more just saying, but doing. Nerve racking like once said previously, but defiantly motivating in a way.

Other than work, my work outs have been solid and I am currently still doing fantastic on my 4 week no cheat challenge. I am seeing progress and I couldn’t be happier. Yes, I could be a lot leaner but I am keeping my strength which is huge for me. I still don;t know whether or not I want to compete in Nov, but I am definitely going to keep training and eating like I am. I think the only thing that will stop me is the money. It is NOT cheap to compete. It is also very time-consuming and at this very moment I have my college’s homepage up on another tab, hoping to get in some classes. I always have such a positive outlook on things and then instantly I am discouraged. I am hoping I can get my shit together and keep trucking through.

My progress picture.

My progress picture.

My work out partner, looking fly.

My work out partner, looking fly.

I haven’t been writing down or keeping track of what I have been eating. Hopefully, after downloading the My Fitness Pal app, that it will encourage me to do so. It will be interesting and helpful, so why not? Today, however, I ate:

1/2 c oatmeal with blueberries at 4:30am.Mixed in 1/2 Quest Bar at 4:45am.
6 egg whites at 8am.
1/2 c brown rice, broccoli and 6 oz chicken at 12pm.
4 egg whites, a little chicken at 2:30pm.
2 kashi waffles with a few blueberries at 3:00pm.
1/2c greek yogurt at 5:00pm.
6oz chicken and broccoli at 8pm.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

photo 5

and so far that is it 🙂 I wonder how much this all adds up to. The app is currently downloading so we shall see. Still sticking around 150lbs. Haven’t lost or gained a pound. I don’t know if I am happy or sad about this. LOL. BUTTT I do have 16 weeks till the show and that is a LONG time. I haven’t been doing cardio, nor paid attention to my calorie intake which is important. I guess I’m just in no rush.

Poor Bunny :(

Poor Bunny 😦

Other than work and working out, which has been my whole life the last 3-5 months, my personal life is just okay. Besides having a cat constantly killing baby bunnies (not kidding. I rushed one to the hospital so it could be put out of its misery), I am having issues with the boyfriend, mostly because of the lack of trust. Though, I am going to stay strong and positive even if it kills me. I just wish life was easier. I deal with scumbags all day and I can only imagine what goes on when I;m not there. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I keep wanting to throw it back up. I mean, one day I am all fine an awesome girlfriend, the next I want to break up with him. I just think it would be easier, for both of us. I mean.. it’s not fair (what is?) to either of us. Me not being happy because I can’t get over shit that replays in my head over and over, and for him.. how I treat him and want to break up with him all the time. I hate to put my bullshit out in the air like this ,but it is what it is. I am venting and little do you know, that my personal life affects my work/working out life. It is a constant struggle and each and every emotion I feel, does not get ignored (unfortunately). That is all. If you don’t like it, no one told you to read it.

I just want a happy life with you. Only you. Forever. I know we have a lot to work on, but I WANT to work on it with you. I want a future with you. I love you. I was never like this before, and maybe it’s because I’ve never loved this hard before. But what I do know, is that I want you by my side through THICK and THIN. I promise to make you happy. I promise to never do you wrong. I am yours.

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What really matters, is to live.

I feel like I haven’t written in forever, and now don’t know where to begin.

My head is all confused.
I am starting to feel like I am at one of those low points in my life. You know, where everything seems to always go wrong. Like I have no control. I don’t know. But I sure as hell don’t want to keep typing hoping to find the answer. I just need to focus.
On myself.
My life, my job, my training.
My sanity.

I don’t have a very interesting life at the moment, due to training clients and myself majority of the day. Though you would still figure I had more time on my hands than I actually do. Maybe I am sick of the same schedule, same shit everyday. I know I want more, but honestly don’t think I am ready for it. I am starting to get more motivated about branching out my own business but still very intimidating of the idea because I would be going into it blindly. That’s nerve-racking.  Though living pay check to pay check is too, I am still paying bills. Going about what I want to do, could bring in no money at one point. That, I don’t think I am ready for. I’m already living a stressful life, I don’t need bill collectors harassing me, or whats left of my savings to disappear. I just don’t feel safe. Maybe that’s what I need though, not to feel safe. To fight.

To fight for my life.

Well. That’s enough. I am already stressing about writing this blog. I think that’s why I don’t write as often. Okay, never mind. We all know it’s because I am just a boring lifter wanting more out of every F * * * ING thing possible! Greedy.

and selfish. That’s what I have come to the conclusion about myself. No, those aren’t the only characteristics, but those are the negative ones I yearn to change. It’s hard. Because what else is there to do then constantly think of your surroundings thoughts, feelings emotions, needs and wants?

As much as I give, I feel like my hand is always out expecting something. But in the end, I know I am a good person and will do anything for the people closest to me but even the people I know nothing about. Though, doesn’t change the way I feel, like this life is all about me.  I need to grow and continue to grow into something beautiful. I want to change my behaviors and actions. I want to be SELFLESS. True, wholesome and giving. I hate the way I think sometimes. I hate the way I am sometimes.

But flashback to my previous posts, I am the one in charge of everything I want to rid of. So what does that say about me that all I do is whine bitch and moan and hope that one day things are different?
Nothing. It says nothing good about who I am.

But to any and everyone that it matters to, know that I am trying. Is it all that I can do? Maybe not. But I am going to try harder.
..and keep trying.

Okay, someone people stop me. Lets change directions, shall we?

Met with an old friend the other night (friday). It was nice to catch up. We went out to eat and chit chatted for a bit. I am still doing my 4 week no cheat, so I ordered a steak with sweet potato fries and broccoli. My steak was ordered medium rare. Twice, it was not. No big deal, I was hungry. I ate it. Medium well and all.

Left shortly after, and it takes me an hour to get home. In which, I live 15 minutes away. Damn you wrong turn!

The next morning, I woke up around 7:25am and needed to be out the door around 7:30am. I had a client at 8 and a spin class shortly after. That day, I believe I ate 2 quest bars, an isopure drink, 2 bananas, a greek yogurt, some kashi cereal, and chicken for days. I napped around 5:30pm and got ready to head to the boyfriend’s house. It was a couple of his buddies birthday’s, so we were going to go out for a bit. Why I didn’t think I needed to bring food with me, is beside me. I had 1/2 a quest bar and some freeze-dried fruit in my bag (that I only found once I was rummaging through my bag hoping to find food). Though, we stopped at noodles and co for a quick bite to eat. I was thinking that all I could get was a salad (but I am a picky salad person) but noticed the options and they were pretty healthy! I ended up ordering a small order of whole grain pasta with veggies and added chicken. Roughly 450 calories (without the chicken). We ended up staying at his buddies house, while more people showed up. At this point, it was around 10:30-11pm and the boring person I am, was already tired. A couple of girls came over to me and started asking about macros (calories, protein, fats) and about my work out regimen and what I do basically. It was a long conversation that turned into people planking, my boyfriend showing me his squat, to the girls and I complaining about how we needed food. I mean.. I would have had 2-3 meals by the time we ended up leaving :/ I knew I had a Quest bar in the car, but too be honest.. I didn’t go get it because I didn’t want to share it… 😛 (SEE, greedy as f u c k). BUTTTTTTTTT the hunger pains grew to painful to bare so the boyfriend got it and warmed it up by the fire for me. Little did he know, it was cute gesture and all BUT I JUST WANTED TO SCARF IT DOWN! haha..

Noodles and Co FTW!

Noodles and Co FTW!

How sweet. Warming my brownie quest bar for me..

How sweet. Warming my brownie quest bar for me..

The boys, however, wanted pizza though. Imagine that. But the girls didn’t. Which I was pleased about but made sure that I would leave before that happened. Instead, he talked about going to maxwell street to get burgers and was I NOT having that nonsense. Though it is a little challenging when its 1am and you’re hungry. BUT! NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Yes, you don’t know what they add or sneak into their food to make it better, it is what it is. All you can do is ask and hope they honor it. We ended up stopping at ihop. I knew that I could at least get meat (HA!) and can’t go wrong there.

We ended up talking for a bit. Things aren’t going so well. This goes back to the beginning of this post as well, but that’s not appropriate talk right now. The only reason I mentioned it was because when our food came, no matter how hungry I was, we didn’t eat it for at least 8 minutes UGH!) ON TOP OF HIM TAKING UP PRECIOUS TIME NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WANTED TO EAT!!!! The lady came back twice before we actually ordered. Oh my lanta.

Any who, this is what I ate:

-3

3 eggs scrambled, 2 pieces bacon and sausage with sirloin tips with onions. Yup. For being ihop, wasn’t that bad.

Headed home, slept till 10am and now I am here. Got home around 11:30am, after stopping and vacuuming my car. I ate a banana on the ride home but made a big bowl of oatmeal when I got in.

#addicted.

#addicted.

1/2c oatmeal
1 TBS flaxseed.
3 strawberries, cut.
A small handful blueberries.
A small handful Kashi go lean crunch cereal.
A sprinkle of honey on top.

Have yet to count the macros in the oatmeal (again, proteins fat and carbs), but will get around to it in a bit. Speaking about that, I got off the phone with a client yesterday and how it would be helpful if I had a list of recipes and ingredients that people could eat that would make healthy eating easier. I think I am going to get around to that. I think it would help people, help themselves.

The only thing is that its time-consuming but I think if I break it up a bit, I could get it done relatively easily. I just hope that through all this, people stop over thinking things and start relearning new habits. I mean, you know fast food isnt food for you, so why eat it? Make it at home and save HUNDREDS OF CALORIES!!!! That’s all you need to do. Find foods that you love, and MAKE THEM HEALTHY!

😦

I don’t know. I hate coming off rude but I feel people either don’t want to change, or completely disregard my time spent with them trying to help them. That’s all. I am just trying to help. All I wish is that people are considerate of not only me and my time, but themselves. We need to work together and make things happen, or all we are going to do is fall short to the things that are slowly killing us.  Yes, we all die but why not love the life you live right now? No more hating yourself. No more feeling guilty. Just live life as healthy as we can and enjoy it. Being fit and healthy has a way of opening eyes to new and beautiful things.

I promise.

Spending the rest of the day cleaning and organizing. No work out today besides active resting (stretching, random push ups and lunges and a possible walk around the FP with the pup) and prepping food for the week. Tomorrow will be more of a helpful post, not a helpless one.

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Oh, a day in a life of a Personal Trainer!

So I figured out a new way to make my blog semi more interesting. Living the life of a personal trainer could get hectic to say the least and I think writing about what I go through day-to-day could be beneficial to some knowing how busy I am through the day, yet how I make time to eat and get my work outs in. Yes, working at a gym makes it a tad bit easier but trust me, excuses over power the convenience of working in a gym.

I sleep in my car. I eat in my car. I get IT (what it is) done because it HAS to be done if I want the results I so badly desire.

So here we go.

Today is Wednesday. A day where I wake up at 4am. Yay. However, I knew that it would be a crazy day so I prepared my food last night. That gave me an extra 15 minutes in bed, and trust me I enjoyed every last second.

photo 1

4:15am Wake up
4:30am In car driving, eating a Quest Bar (170c 24g carb 17g fiber 20g protein mmmmm).
5-7am Worked with a few clients
I had a cancellation from 6-630am so I took a power nap in the yoga room
7-930am I slept in my car. Sweating. It was over 80* out and I woke up to drool falling from my mouth. 1 banana was ate (105c 27g carb 1g protein).
930-1030am More clients. Met a new one. Always interesting.

Was going to work out around 11am. Thinking I needed a rest day because my entire body hurts but figured why not. However, I felt sick. I had no idea what was going on so I went home. (These posts will become more interesting once I start posting my actual work outs and progress pictures).

1130am Arrived home and ate a ‘flat-out’ wrap (90 calories 16g carb 9g fiber 9g protein) with chicken (276c 0g carb 52g protein), and greek yogurt (100c 7g carb 18g protein).

photo 2
12pm Took Marley to the forest preserve but by the time she got out of the car she was already panting and not having it. So, I did a few body weight tricep dips/squats/push ups and sprints then we headed back.

photo 3

Stopped at McDonald’s and got Marley a hamburger then finished my greek yogurt and rest of the chicken. Took another 15 min and did some jumping jacks/burpees and more squats.
Burned a total of 288 calories.

1:30-245pm Just chilled with Marley. Ate a piece of pita bread (210c 43g carb 3g fiber 8g protein) with 1 TBS all natural PB (100c 6g carb 1g fiber 4g protein).

My cuddle buddy..

My cuddle buddy..

3:30-6pm More clients. Really love them all. Between my 5:30 and 6:00 client I ate another yogurt.
6:30pm Did 10 minutes on the stairmaster and another 15 minutes on the treadmill with a client.
Burned 137 calories (yippie).

7:30pm
left for home. Stopped for gas, ate 20 almonds (139c 5g carb 5g protein), and picked up a cup of chili at my favorite restaurant (360c 16g carb 20g protein).
8pm Here we are 🙂

Going to have one more meal (but by the looks of my totals, I should have more than 1 meal lol). Most likely egg whites a little cottage cheese and broccoli. Going to chill out for the rest of night. I’ve been getting super overwhelmed lately so sleep has been my best friend. Tomorrow I get to sleep in a bit. Nothing like turning off your 3:45am alarms..

Total Macros for the day:
1,695 calories 86g carbs 125g protein.

Total Calories burned for the day:
425 calories (Weak sauce. Fail).

Definitely not what I should be eating. I am about 600 calories 100c carbs and 60g protein short for the day. I am going to continue to eat how I have been eating and starting Monday I will prepare the needed macros for the day. I will see how things go. Personally I think 2200 calories is too much but I am going to listen to what I am told and just do it. Most days I burn over 1000 calories via work outs so it’s possible that 2200 calories is needed but I am so impatient I just want to start getting lean! Patience Marissa, patience.

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(insert an awesome title here)!

*Have been trying to post this since last night. So yes, I am well aware today is not in fact sunday..

Sunday Funday! 

and 3 work outs later.. yep. That’s right, 3. I left the boys house around 10am and headed to the LA right by his house. I did 45 minutes of cardio 408 calories burned, 27% from fat. I went home, ate, and chit chatted with the mom. I then went to Round Lake for a full body work out, burning 813 calories, 40% from fat. I then went back home ate again, then went for an hour walk with mom and Marley. That I think burned 477 calories. That was a tough one. The minute I walked out there I started cramping up. Mom said we didn’t have to go the entire time but sometimes you just have to push yourself.

I have been working out a lot lately only having to take a few days off when I go up to Wisconsin for July 4th. Staying till sunday all I will be doing is practically eating and fishing lol. I don’t mind but definitely not a few hundred calorie work out… Planning to do a little run in the morning. Wake up run do some lunges squats.. you know a little cardio made fun. Can’t wait for the pictures to be taken. It is so beautiful I don’t think I’ll mind running one bit!

Yes.. that means I hate running.

Eating A LOT of eggs lately..

Eating A LOT of eggs lately..

Just a few things I have been eating..

GRAPENUTS ARE AMAZING. nuff' said.

GRAPENUTS ARE AMAZING. nuff’ said.

Still paying attention to what I am eating. Someone left a comment and asked if I changed my diet when I messed my shiat up… and to be honest if I did I wouldn’t remember enough to explain it. lol.. I just laid off it a bit (work out wise) and massaged the crap out of it. Speaking of which, I need to do more of. I barely stretch and I am ruining my body by not doing so (see below picture). That, or I am going to heavy too quickly. Take this picture I posted on instagram/fb the other day, hoping to get some answers..

photo 2

Do you see that dent in my leg? Apparently it’s from an IT band being too tight. Mostly likely resulting in a pulled/teared muscle. Yep. Lol. I will list the couple of websites that were posted to help explain it. I don’t have it on the other leg and it doesn’t hurt at all. Just.. weird looking. I may of first thought that it was water weight because I had a small indent in the back of my butt a little further down my hamstring. It went away the leaner I got though..

Interesting to say the least..
Last night, I went to the boys and wanted to go to dinner. While he was taking a shower I sat down and wrote my macros out. I was dead on with my carbs, a little lower on the calories but nowhere near the protein amounts. That being said, I knew I wanted a steak :). He threw out Joes Crab Shack and me being a non seafood person, meh but I agreed once I knew they served steaks. So I was excited. However, in the bathroom he was talking with a friend and “made plans” to meet at a pizza place. Now.. I wasn’t upset that he wanted to go with another couple even though I like spending time alone with him, nor was it the pizza place because this was IN FACT one of the pizza joints I am DYING to go.. it was the fact that I knew the majority of shit I’d be eating was carbs. That didn’t make me happy. I NEEDED more protein (I have been counting my macros for the last few days)!! 😦 So of course I practically through a fit because I suck at communication but seriously, don’t mess with me when it comes to food. But honestly, if I wasn’t competing or even thinking about competing I wouldn’t of cared. Could I have just dealt with it and went anyways? probably.. but who am I trying to impress? I don’t NEED to hang out with people (hence why I spend so much time at home) but what I do need to do is appreciate him and do things I sometimes don’t want to do for the sole fact of this relationship.. ugh.. always a work in progress.

MEEEEEEEEEAT!

MEEEEEEEEEAT!

*Sorry babe. I can tell you were some what upset about not hanging out with your friends just to please me. It makes me sad that I feel as selfish as I do. I don’t know. We made a pack tonight that we will work on things and I promise to keep that. But just know I am sorry okay?

So tomorrow gotta be up at 4:15 am to train a client. I will probably stay after my second to do 30 minutes of cardio before I go home. I don’t think I have any more clients till 2 because some of them are going on vacation. That will give me enough time to work out and finish the day around 9. I am leaving Wednesday night after work so getting in as many clients those 3 days as I can. So, I will be extremely tired even more than I normally am. Lucky for me, most of my next few days consist of fishing/ tanning on a boat. Looking forward to it, a little getaway. Hoping to hike this one mountain cliff thing down the street. We always pass it but the last few times we’ve been there to ice fish so obviously I aint doing shit that involves a lot of work outside in the cold. No. thank you. Not for me. Not going to happen. Ice fishing I’m at least sitting in a tent with a heater. I hate the cold. Everything about it :(.

I’ll be taking progress pictures soon (before and after vaca). Way too bloated the last few days so hoping when everything works its way out, I will be happy with what I see. Not saying I’m not. But I will be happy to wake up to my abs again. Working on those suckers too. Normally all I do is planks and I stick with a clean diet. But I want to see them more. Yes get lean but have them defined. Getting stronger though, no doubt. That’s one thing I wanted to talk about but think I should save it for another blog post. It’s in regards to how I want to be viewed by others. Not for the attention, nor would it matter what people had to say because I have heard it all before but it’s something I want people to get out of what I am trying to do.

About a week ago..

About a week ago..

Today 7/1/13

Today 7/1/13

7/1/13

7/1/13

Oh! You would think I should just blab it by now. But I want to put more thought into it unlike I feel like I do with most of these posts. I want this post to be meaningful because its something that gets brought up all the time in my life. How I view myself. A hard question that even right now, I wouldn’t be comfortable answering, but one in which I am working towards each and every day. So stay tuned. Or don’t, whatever ;P

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