Tag Archives: npc

A letter to my best friend.

I’m writing you this today, because I too needed to hear this.

What we are going through is a small piece to the puzzle. The lessons we are learning one mishap after another, are things we need to embrace.
To understand.

We are constantly looking to the bigger picture trying to find a little bit of hope to hold on to. But in the end, succumbing to the pressures of self doubt.

The struggles make it real.
We fall down. Sometimes on accident, most others what would seem on purpose. But what doesn’t kill us DOES In fact makes us stronger. Why? When was the last time we didn’t get back up?
This time, with a little more pride inside.
A rested body, a clearer mind.
Fire in our eyes..

We have to embrace these trials. We have to keep our head held high even when it seems we are slowly drowning. Yes, We have hit some detours along the way but whose life changing story was ever smooth sailing anyway? We’ll get there when we’re suppose to get there and not a moment sooner.

We are in control. We have the final say. We choose our final destination. Might as well enjoy the journey we are creating <3.

I love you.

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Procrastination Post.

Figured I would take this time to reflect. One because I usually do on Sundays and two because things are either about to get a lot better or a lot worse. My boyfriend broke up with me today. Okay maybe he didn’t but long story short, we should have a long time ago. He wanted to talk about it, I simply want to wake away liking him as an amazing person that he is rather someone I despise. Who knows but after this post, I am going to bed. My head hurts and I honestly was going to go out and eat a “cheat meal” aka emotional binge and validating it like a boss. But I didn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. I had an amazing leg work out, 30 minutes of incline walking, and 2 games of basketball in which I can hardly move. It may be a combination of a ridiculous work out and me taking out 2 guys during a game of basketball. Awkward. yet So badass. My battle wounds are getting better day by day. Lol.. kidding.. but seriously let me enjoy it because I could barely walk up and down the stairs yesterday..

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

Workouts have been on point and so was eating. I ended the four-week no cheat and felt like shit doing it. I don’t know. Thinking going lighter.. or at least find a way I feel less guilty about it. Anyways. Not unhappy at all. My body is definitely making progress and I am super stoked. I just need to stay consistent. It is literally key.

Yesterdays leg work out, which I was not excited to find out they were doing legs when I walked in. They were literally mid hack squat and me almost not making the work out, realized I would not have been unhappy if I did. Lol. But it was awesome. I felt (or didn’t feel lol) things I havent felt in a while. Justine had to literally extend a hand to help me off. It was crazy, exhilarating and hurt so damn bad. But good. ya know? ;p My legs were numb. H actually checked my legs out to make sure I didn’t tear anything. Crazy. Lol.. And to think that was JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE WORKOUT@!!!!!! Anyways we did some leg curls ext jefferson squats which are just annoying.. and finished with jumps squats I believe. It was insane. I chilled for a bit and went to chipotle. I ordered food and yet I was not hungry. I felt like I wanted to puke smelling everything. I ended up enjoying the water more than anything.. So I saved 1/2 of it and drank some Gatorade. I finished with clients, did 30 minutes of incline walking with Cylia and late at night played 2 games of basketball after Todd asked H but he declined. After first so did I but after they played a game he got me to play. It was nuts. My legs hurt so bad. We won. That is all.

Lmao.

I am slowing getting better. Going to lift back tomorrow which I am actually quite happy about. I want to post some progress ISH pictures. Mostly because in this picture I finally went under 150lbs! It was about damn time. Lol. Not that I care but it was a little small hooray type ordeal.

Imaweirdo.com

Imaweirdo.com

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

photo 1

😛

Wednesday: Clearly I haven’t found enough time to get to a wifi connection to post this. I have friday off so I will edit and post. I let this whole break up ruin my work out today. Then I ate some oreos. I realized that I take care of everyone before myself. I am 50% sure I want this break up. I validate binging and eating like shit on any bad situation. enjoy in the time, then hate myself not for eating it because I clearly loved it but hate that I am either behind now on how I want to look or I have more work to do. Knowing that I set myself back is the only reason I feel guilty about eating crap food. MMMMMMM I dont know. I feel sad.

#Americanhorrostory brb ;P

Thursday: Passed out after AHS. I love this show. Slept in, rescheduled the two clients I had. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been crying lately. Speaking of crying.. I was on facebook.. yep reactivated it.. and it was a series of photos that this husband took of his wife while going thru cancer. It was so touching. So sad, but the very last picture was her tombstone that read “I loved it all”, and as I am sitting here hurting over a hard lesson of a break up and this women was battling cancer and still loved life. I instantly was wiping tears from my face and really needed to take some time to reflect on all of this.

I will not allow it to succumb me. You can either crumble or you can conquer and conquer I sure as fuck will.

photo 3

NPC Ironman Bikini

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

photo 4

Top 3 Physique

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

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The ever so anticipated progress pictures:

No explanations, no validations no more disclaimers (besides this one, that is)..

After AM show this is what I ate….

and then this is what I looked like (bloated) after breakfast..

…..btw have NO idea why my pictures are turning sideways and upside down lol. I apologize.

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Post Comp/ Weekend Recap

Well that sucked.

Lmfao. I don’t even know where to begin. I wrote a Thursday post but never posted it for some reason. I’ll start from there I suppose. So I had to wake up extra early to finish cardio before I had to pick up my bosses kids for school (yeah…. I know).. But regardless the day went as planned. After work I headed over to the nail place, got acrylics and my toe nails painted. This took about an hour, at which point I went directly to Taylor’s salon. We ended up doing an all over, an eggplant color. This took about 2 hours at which point, was already 930 at night, but still made it to the gym to do some cardio and sit in the sauna. After I finished with her I went right to the hotel and tried to unwind.

Friday morning wasn’t as hectic as I thought. I got up thinking that they had a fitness center in the hotel but they didn’t. No big deal I just went to X Sport down the street, finished cardio and on the way home stopped at Sunset foods (which is like a Whole Foods), and got a turkey and some sugar free cookies for after the show. I was running a little behind only because I called Taylor’s salon and she wasn’t there yet so I waited for her text to tell me to come by. We started my tanning process a little before noon. I was there till 3 fucking o’clock. This Jan Tana BULLSHIT was just that, bullshit. Turned me black and did NOT look good sprayed on. So after I left her salon looking like a fucking moron, I went back to the hotel. I wasn’t that upset because I still had time to get sprayed (she had another solution she wanted me to try), but I fell asleep for a couple hours. I woke up at about 630pm and Mike came over. We picked up Marley and headed over to Bridgeview, Il to check in at the gym over there. I was running so fucking late. Why I took a nap before check in is beyond me, but I literally made it with 5 minutes to spare. 5 minutes. 7:55pm no joke. After all this I went back to the hotel and we just chilled. Marley was being the biggest pain in the ass and I had no idea why but Mike left for a bit and I fell back asleep.

Taylor came over at midnight (after I kept falling asleep), and we started spraying another coat of this tan called Fake Bake (which she originally wanted to use prior to using the jan tana color) but I was hesitant because its not a competition spray.. I understand it may get someone dark but on stage is awhole nother story. You should be BLACK … lol.. she finished at about 2am. She left, mike came back and I laid upright in bed for 2 hours.  Got up at 5am, took a shower to wash off the excess solution, but the entire tan came off. So at 530 am on the morning of my comp, I was about as pale as they come. Awesome.

Well, Taylor came back at 530am, and wanted to just spray just this bronzer on me but I remembered we had another bottle of a different solution made by jan tana, so.. I got naked, stood in front of the mirror and we both started applying this solution. Well.. it looked better. I guess.. if better just means I looked….. uh different? lol.. I was streaky as fuck and just getting pissed. I needed to be out the door at 7am because I had a mandatory meeting at 830am in CHICAGO (which not to mention is FUCKING BULLSHIT! that and the whole checking in at USA gym.. just is so stupid and you would think they know that this whole thing is stressful enough).. whatever.. anywho…. so as I’m getting pissed.. hair is still curly as all hell.. and still had to finish my hair and put my make up on as my tan tried to dry. Ohhhhhhhh the time just flew by. Taylor was patient as shit with me (God bless her) and we finally got all our shit together and I was on the road at 730am.. traffic was a little bad at times because of some summit shit but I got to there within 45 minutes. Not like I really could of gave a shit.. but whatever.

So I got to the theater, found a semi decent parking spot and just sat there. It was raining… I had no umbrella or anything to cover my hair body or face with… so I just sat there for another 2 minutes ready to just book it. People were piling in, and vendors were setting up.. I waited for Taylor and we got some final touches done.. Bloated, streaky, hair frizzy, and bikini too small… I felt like shit.. especially seeing these beautiful ladies.. beautiful TANNED ladies… lmao.. ughhhhhhhhh…

Alright well it was what it was.. I really didn’t have time to take any pictures (it was so packed in the pump up room), and it was STICKY in there. This is a huge problem. My hair.. yeah.. unless you know me personally you’ll never understand. my hair is fucking crazy. I could feel it getting worse. I couldn’t stop touching it. I didn’t know what to do.. not to mention NO PONYTAIL HOLDER???? Really???????????????? Since when don’t I have a scrunchie? fuck me. Yup and then they called bikini tall. Lined up. Last one in line. Couldn’t stop grabbing my ass, complete wedgie. Why? forgot bikini bite. After hours of “preparation”… yes I borrowed some but I should of done it WAY earlier.. Oh so picture me.. fidgeting with my hair, my ass, and walking like I have something in my ass. OIL SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN THE PUMP UP ROOM.. Guys don’t care because they are bare foot, so they just drip that shit errrrrrywhere. Yes I just  want to bitch.. Well yeah so that was me. Even on stage. Most embarrassing 5 minutes of my life. Why? I KNEW I wasn’t ready and I was just doing this because I felt obligated. Yes I worked hard but I took this like it was just something I signed up for. I wasn’t ready. I knew it. I am upset with suitsyouswimwear, my bikini was not custom made.. I was holding water like it was nobodies business… My hands are still black from the original Jan Tana tan (my elbows? Oh yeah.. I look like a giraffe or a cow.. whatever.. oh yeah.. actually… a cow fits me PERFECTLY!) Seriously though, I apologize. I’m not fat per say, but I sure did feel it. I took pictures after I got home from breakfast that are currently uploading..

Okay back on track.. so yeah blahblahblah got my happy ass off stage real fast, gathered my shit up and went to breakfast. Please see below:

How AMAZING! Only finished half of each(okay more then half of my waffle… but that’s because we were there for awhile and I knew I wasn’t going to take home a waffle.. so I couldn’t help myself!) lol my stomach was hurting.. So after breakfast I went back to the hotel to actually check in for another night.. I had called and asked for a late check out (which was $10 per extra hour) but since the room was less then $60 it was just better to not have to worry about packing up and going home since my sister just arrived back from Minnesota… so I went back up to my room and chilled out for a bit, while I did my own photo shoot.. please don’t be offended, you should know by now but I take provocative pictures.. Please see below as well:

haha yeah.. so that was me bloated.. okay even MORE bloated after that wonderful waffle creation.  Lmfao.. also stopped at a “chocolate factory” haha.. it was a tiny chocolate store I saw on the way to breakfast.. Got cookie dough dipped in chocolate.. then finished my night with Buffalo Wild Wings.. my FAVE restaurant lol and ate part of my life away there too… Ordered whatever I wanted without a care in the world. Felt awesome. I don’t remember what time I feel asleep but I woke up Sunday, at 930am feeling fully charged.

I finished packing up my shit and checked out of the hotel at 1130am and headed home. Found my sister, or rather my sisters clothes EVERYWHERE.. sucks I don’t have my own room when she comes home because she steals shit. And thinks shes entitled to whatever she wants to do.. meaning all my shit is moved and whatever lose odds and ends I may have had lying around are misplaced or taken for ransom or until I find it in her purse a week later. I took a nap for a few hours, got up, got in a fight with my sister, and about an hour later I left to go meet up with mike so we could go to coldstone. yep. coldstone.. lol

Even though it sucked because I didn’t add in enough shit lol. So it was basically ice cream.. but it was still better then chicken and broccoli. Thatsferdamnsure.

Blahblahblah and now its Monday. Clean relaxed eating now.

Literally feel awesome. I don’t have to worry about anything anymore, except lifting big and eating big! I WANT TO GROW! I have SO much potential and it sucks I did something to “track” my progress KNOWING I wasn’t ready but I will continue to go strong. I am so excited to finally be allowed almost twice as many carbs as the last month, and using that energy to kick ass in the gym.. This show was a stepping stone for bigger and better things.. I am STOKED.. seriously fucking ecstatic. Game on.

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Day 92 – Tuesday 5/8 (Last week).

So it is Tuesday, May 8..

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” -Peter Marshal

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oddly the days aren’t flying by like I imagined. It seems like everything has been working out in the smallest ways, therefore making life a LITTLE less stressful.  Granted I just finished a 3 hour exam and have been getting up religiously for morning cardio. The only thing I would say that I am stressing about is losing my ass even more then I have, and getting my period (TMI but I kinda feel it coming. Oh but a little FYI this happened last show too haha).. The only thing that sucks about that is bloating.. and holding water.. this = DISASTER..

 

 

Any who.. at this point, it is what it is. My favorite quote, and something I say almost daily to myself. Its a reminder that we cannot change somethings and I do believe that everything happens for a reason (STRONG believer in this).  I am just going to take this as another thing to check off that I accomplished, something that I trained for for months, something I worked damn hard at (and sometimes not so much HAHA)..  This has been a learning experience for me. As most of you may already know I have struggled with body image for quite some time now. I use to follow what everyone else was doing, and doing shit to my body that I would be ashamed of now. I did whatever I could to look good outside, so I could feel good inside. Little did I know, that was the entire battle. A pointless one. One I wouldn’t win unless I stopped fighting AGAINST the one person I was trying to love all along, myself.  I have eaten next to nothing for days, I have also binged more then one would admit too, I have taken numerous amounts of diet pills, yes I have done a lot in the 23 years I have been living. But growing up hating yourself is a full time job and I am sick of it. It makes me feel uncomfortable, ugly, useless, worthless, and then I turn mean. More so because I am sad inside, but because I am upset with myself. I feel like I failed. How can food be controlling my every move?

Because I allowed it.

No more guys. I sit here with my belly rumbling and 1/2 gallon water sitting next to me. These are different conditions. I am on the last week of my 3 month training regimen, about to walk the stage in 6 inch heels and a bikini in front of hundreds of people, and 4 judges about to critique MY BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No this isn’t for everyone. Trust me.

It is more mentally challenging then it is physically. The first one I trained for I was shocked. The changes your body goes through and how your brain tries to follow along just gets demanding and you’re left confused. You have to have a happy place and I hope that happy place isn’t balls deep in a bag of Doritos. I don’t believe this was a good decision (regarding competing) in each of my situations only because I wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t ready mentally or emotionally but I did it because in my mind I needed a “goal”. I needed a time limit so I couldn’t make excuses (how’d that work out for me..). But now after this (which surprisingly I have the best attitude towards it then I ever have), I feel so much stronger. Yes I can lift a lot but I mean inside. I feel like I finally have control. Food is fuel = energy. Use it as such. Yes there is a lot of tasty foods out there and yes I think everything is okay in moderation, but why have copious amounts of fat on your body at all times?

Nothing good comes out of it.. PROVE ME WRONG I DARE YOU!

and if you tell me you don’t give a shit and you just want to enjoy food because it tastes good, fine but I can ONLY imagine what you think when you see yourself naked. Honestly.

Alright followers this is a little update/ inside my mind for ya..

Today’s schedule-

7am 30min Cardio
9-5pm Work
7pm Hair cut
830pm Leg Workout + Cardio
1030pm Sports Nutrition Project
11pm Bed

The Food Log

8am 1/4cup Oatmeal, with a 1/2 scoop protein powder, and 1/2 grapefruit.
1130am 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
230pm 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
500pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)
800pm Some kind of protein
11pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)

Just a few pictures because we know how I love to take them..

  1. What I had yesterday morning for breakfast. Awesome  ya?
  2. My meals and snack for the work hours.
  3. What my fridge looks like (see upside down again.. wtf).

The Work Out

Don’t even know. Having Taylor there should help keep my energy up (since I don’t have any)..
All I really know is we are going to be squatting A LOT.. that and lunging like we’ve never lunged before..

Should I tell her how sore she is going to be? lol.

Final Week Check List (cont)..

  • Finalizing hotel today.
  • Picked up Mac foundation, lip gloss, and eyelashes.
  • Need to buy ice packs for coolers.

Other then that, I don’t really need anything else. Everything will just happen as each day passes.. Like tomorrow might be the only day where I don’t have an appointment somewhere.. I just have my final project due for my nutrition class.. But Thursday I have a late nail appointment and that’s when I will be checking into the hotel.. Only a couple more workouts and then Friday after my tan I will just chill all day probably flexing.

HA!

Alright I am going to get back to work and hopefully things continue to stay peachy.

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well hello there.. *waves*

So as you obviously may know it is not the 13th (the day I said I would return), but I just approved a comment from a lovely person asking me to not give up and continue blogging about my experience (and it put the BIGGEST smile on my face), so I just might.

I do have a lot 3 different posts that are just sitting in my all posts section either waiting to be posted or perhaps may sit unpublished forever (who knows). However I think it is a good idea to blog about my last week of contest prep since the last two are probably the most important.

In an unpublished post I explained my reasoning behind stopping the blog for a moment, but since this one will be sent out first I’ll explain again.. The reason I was put this blog on hold was because I had no time. The time that I did have in between other things, I was closing my eyes to try and get minutes of something I think people call sleep. This last week are my finals, so I had a 12 page paper due Friday. I wrote it but I never turned it in. Why? because I hate the teacher and I am going to take the class over again. I have a homework assignment due today (sunday), a 3 hour exam on Monday, a 3 hour exam (that I don’t know If I am going to for psychology) on Wednesday, and my sports nutrition paper due that Wednesday as well. Okay..so this is all happening around the most crucial part of competing. Not to mention I work a 9-5 at a body shop where all I do is babysit, but thats besides the point. I am at the gym at 6am to do cardio, work, class, back to the gym again for a lift and 30-45 min of cardio. You can tell I am drained.

So. Those are my excuses and I apologize. I did find time today (and after I read that beautiful comment), I decided to do a little update status. Granted I believe I will post a little more during the week, but please don’t think they are going to be as detailed as the last ones lol. I never knew blogging actually took as much time as it does.. Oh naive little Marissa.

ALRIGHTY!!!!! So.. down to the last week.

Progress Pictures:

Sorry.. my ab picture isn’t showing up.. its all upside down :/

..and yes my ass did get smaller…….

 

The Food Log:

I will be consuming spinach, broccoli, asparagus, chicken, ground turkey and MAYBE tuna. lol. But yep, hows that for a diet? lol.. and yes this is a “diet” my lifestyle however is NOT. please do not mix and twist my words. Diets suck. My lifestyle is enjoyable.

Check list: Bikini, Heels, Tickets, Bottle of Tanning Lotion, Sponges, Bikini Bite, Fake Eye Lashes.

Still Need:

  • Hotel Reservations.
  • Rental Car.
  • NPC Card.
  • Mac Makeup.
  • Hair cut/dyed.

Everything else will fall into place. This is what the rest of the week looks like..

Monday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam, Gym again.
Tuesday: Early Cardio, Work, Hair Cut, Gym again.
Wednesday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam/Paper, Gym again.
Thursday: Early Cardio, Work, Nails, Gym again.
Friday: Early as FUCK cardio (MAYBE), Tan, Check in @ USA gym, do nothing.
Saturday: SHOW TIME! Tan, Makeup, Hair, 1030am Prejuding, 5-6pm Night Show.
Sunday: PIG THE FUCK OUT!
Monday: Back to normal 🙂

So my life is a little hectic, but at least I found time to breathe right? Everything is going alright I suppose. The bikini is a little small for my doing, but I will just rock it anyways (spent $150 on it and its non returnable lol).. really just wanting this all to be over so I can go back to my normal way of living lol. I am just now always on a schedule and I have NO time to even take a step back and calm myself (which isn’t good.. stress= cortisol)..

but I have been thinking ALOT about after the show.

I am really hard on myself, and with my past of bingeing I have always let myself go after a contest prep. Some do, some don’t, but this year I won’t. I am healthier and stronger and wiser then last year. I did this just to do it, but NO award, no trophy, not even placing won’t do a damn thing to how I will live my life after all this. I usually ALWAYS need a reason to “diet”.. oh I’m  training for a show, or even it being the beginning of a new week, I just always needed a reason.. well.. not anymore.. Living how I have been living for these past 3 months has changed something in me.. something that has been wrong for awhile. I FEEL my work outs in the gym. I squeeze my muscles and actually feel the power when I lift the weights, it is so stress relieving. These endorphins are incredible. I love feeling how I feel when I am working out, or even just feeling healthy. It is SUCH a difference, and this is coming from someone who HATED themselves years ago. Time changes a lot of things, so does actually caring about yourself/body.

Anywho, that was a quick update for y’all.. I am sure I will be posting more (the last few days you don’t really do much but lay around because your energy is so low).. but I do want everyone to know that you can do this. Trust me.. it was 3 months of solid hard work, but when I show you these pictures that NO ONE has ever seen before (and yes they will probably get used against me some time in this cyber world which is OKAY with me), you will understand what I am talking about. I was FAT. No joke… and yes it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies but this is the outcome of hard work. The food did not suck (just be smart, healthy doesn’t have to mean shitty tasting!!!), but getting up and HAVING to move and sweat and burn, did. Working out isn’t always fun and you sometimes may not want to, but the rewards that come when you do are so worth it. Just remember.. it didn’t take a day to put it on, so be patient.

Thanks guys for all the love and support. ❤

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Day 75-77 Time is running out…

Friday

6am wake up
730am had to take bosses kids to school
9am work
6pm left work
7pm got home
8pm got to the gym
930pm left the gym
11pm passed the fuck out.

Friday was just whatever. Had kind of a crappy shoulder work out because I could barely keep my eyes open.. but….. I did finish 60 minutes on the stair master. The lady next to me had to look over a few times… I was like closing my eyes and trying to sleep while stepping lol. Anywho I got through it 🙂

The Food Log

Food consisted of 3 chicken breasts, 4 rice cakes, about 6oz of lean ground turkey and a shake. I love simple food. It does NOT take much to please me any more lol. I mean check these pictures out.. Rice cakes with Lean ground Turkey salted with Parmesan cheese. No joke. De fucking licious. I don’t know what got into to me.. THEN the Walden Farms No Calorie Caramel topping on top of a rice cake with cinnamon…. fucking amazing. Maybe its the new weed.. lmfao. Btw.. pot smoking is mind over matter. I posted a picture yesterday because of 420 (got taken down today and now I’m blocked on Facebook for a bit lol) had a lot of reactions. I had people text me and say don’t smoke and I obviously ask why.. and they say because its counter productive.. (again I ask how) and he’s like because you eat like shit, get cravings, blahblahblah FUCK THAT.. no you don’t.. I haven’t had a cheat in HOW long? Validate your shitting eating habits some other way (and yes I have used being high as a reason as to why Ive binged, and Ive been honest about that.. but all said and done its mind over matter) because it’s so overrated. Or maybe I can’t be part of the study, because I am hungry all the time lol… but seriously…. (on a lighter note 2 weeks outs, I have to quit.. so thats in a few days lol)..

The Workout

Shitty Back workout, but a solid 60 Minutes on the stair master.

Day 75 in Pictures..

  1. Hanging out with Tess and Cody 🙂
  2. Lunch.. oh how I am going to miss my condiments..
  3. My lovely mess.. I know its dark sorry… but I burnt 3 rice cakes..
  4. Stairmaster COMPLETE! 60 min BOO FUCK YEAH! ha
  5. Lean Ground Turkey YUMMMMM!

SATURDAY  (:

Woke up early as fuck, 7am. Thought I slept in lol but laid in bed till 745am, at the gym by 830am.

The Food Log

10am Protein Shake (Dymatize, 1 1/2 TBS PB2, Ice, Water) 2 Salt Free Rice Cake w/ Walden Farm’s No calorie topping.

1pm Rice Cakes w Lean Ground Turkey SO FUCKING GOOD (I put a DABBLE of light sour cream and parmesan) w/ a  SMALL piece of dark chocolate.

430pm Protein Pancake (Muscle Egg and PB2)
630pm 2 Rice Cakes withLean Ground Turkey.

from then till 855pm I’ve eaten 2 squares of dark chocolate and 10 regular white chocolate chips (IDK) and then my mother came into  my room with a shit ton of mail and two packages and my hers muscle and fitness magazine (yay).. The swim suit came in, as well as my quest bars. I’ve already eaten 1/2 of the chocolate brownie one (so about 100 calories, 2.5 carbs)..

No this isn’t bad.. I didn’t want to cheat at all.. but I was totally bored, and my period pains were horrendous.. so in total about an extra 500 calories today.. (leg day but still).. actually this could be a meal but my mother is at the store getting meat for burgers and steak… so.. i overloaded on my protein today.. whoops. any who.. thinking about doing an extra 15 min tomorrow morning and then 15 at night.. 🙂 no big deal

**Didn’t end up eating another meal, so that chocolate and that quest bar is now considered a meal and I would say I over ate by 200 calories. Will make up.

The Workout

830am 45 Min Cardio (Incline 10-16)
5pm Had to start with lunges because everything I wanted to do people were all cluster fucked by.. so

Lunges

60lbs (30 lb DB each) x 20 x 5
This time I timed it (I rounded up) but it took 9.50 seconds to complete 100 lunges. Mind you I had 5 (.15 sec) breaks and 5 (.30) breaks = to about 4.45 in breaks – 10.00 (rounded) = 5.15 to complete 100 (60lb) Lunges!!! :):):):)

I then needed a little break before I did any thing to plyo-y lol..

Ab/adduction

115lbs x 25 x 4

Plyo

20 Bench Jumps (NOT box jumps) w/

10 Jump Squats
x 4

Planks

One legged Lunge (other leg on elevated surface, core tight)

25lbs x 6 x 2 supersetted w/
12 Jump Lunges x 2

Leg Ext

95lbs-125lbs to failure.

No Cardio- legs are shot.

Day 76 in Pictures..

Today was whatever.. I didn’t do shit so I overate. Mostly because I was so tired, but it was all protein. that and fat (cashews and almonds I threw away lol). Just watch how much weight I lose when I take out my fat intake.. oh brother haha.. My suit came in like mentioned earlier.. I like it.. the bottom is too small to use as a regular suit but for competition its perfect.. I’ll show a picture soon 🙂

Not to fucking forget but MY QUEST BARS CAME IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to think the Larabar had my heart. They are good. Already ordering more and I advised to my mother that we should keep these bars in the house at all times….. These the Larabars and possibly the Pure Protein bars (they are also low in sugars ext, but not as natural as these two bars. These would be for everyone who wanted to snack in my household, because the food we have here now would make you sad).. But yes.. definitely going to rave about these bars.

Sunday (Funday)

Not really gonna be too much fun today lol. Woke up early as balls again. I think my internal clock is not set for 645am, where as before it was a solid 830am. Meh. Sure as fuck better not be a weekend thing. But I got up at got to the gym at 7:11am only to realize they aren’t open till 8am. Not a happy camper because I’m cold and Im not still in bed. Anywho went back and finished a little bit later. I have a 2 hour exam due today, and I need to finish grocery shopping and prepping for the week and read over Chapter 8 before bed. So nothing TOO exciting just a nice little sunday.

The Food Log

915am Protein Shake (Dymatize, Pb2) and 1 Salt Free Rice Cake
1pm Quest Bar (OMG LOVE)
4pm BBQ with the madre, pics are DELISH!
730pm 1 cup egg whites
10pm 6oz Filet Mignon lol

The Workout

815am 45 Minutes of Cardio

5pm Bi’s and Tri’s

BB Bicep Curl/ DB Bicep Curl 

supersetted with BW Bench Dips

Cable Bicep Curls with (higher/lower)

Tricep Pushdown 60-90lbs

35 Minutes of Cardio (Incline 12)

Day 77 in Pictures..

  1. New tanning lotion – tingle!!
  2. Asparagus on sale again.. don’t mind if I do
  3. Some of the food on the grill
  4. FOOOOODDDDD ❤
  5. Food all laid out.
  6. What I ate 🙂

 So today started with me in the parking lot of LA Fitness at 7:11am not realizing they don’t open till 8. Who the fuck opens a gym at 8 on the weekends.. lol.. Well whatever, just drove home blogged a bit then went back like a douche. Then on my way back the second time I think it was 5:15pm or something like that and I thought they closed at 6… lmfao.. but they didn’t, it was 8pm so that was good. I would of been even more pissed had that situation turned out not in my favor.. meh.. any who.. Had to take a 2 hour exam today too for Sports Nutrition class, but it ended up not working.. I had to go back and forth with my teacher and didn’t finish it till 4pm.. I originally wanted to take it at 10am…. so a little infuriating but no big deal 🙂 Ended up BBQ’ing with the madre. We have so much food you would think we were serving a 6 course meal for 4. But it was just my meal prep for the week, and so she doesn’t binge on a bag of nutrition less pretzels. Blahblahblah saw a movie, cabin in the woods.. Don’t even know what to say lmfao. Did NOT expect any of that shit. Got home at 930pm, in bed by 10 🙂 How’s that for ya? Excited eh.

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Day 74 Finally I found the Black Bean Brownie Recipe :)

Cravings have gone down. Cept I want cheese fries so bad. Cheese ingeneral now.. Isn’t that weird? I use to HATE cheese… and as long as its melted.. I can pretty  much eat it all 🙂 So weird… But anyways cheese fries are a whole nother story. They are awesome. Even better? Hooters Tatertots.. They are the potatoes that you use to get at lunch with that nasty excuse for a hamburger (I’ll show you my kind of hamburger lol), but these tots are loaded with nacho cheese, that green onion shit that’s amazing, sour cream and bacon. Holy fuck. Awesome. Everything about it. So. fucking. good.

Sorry.. I am trying to stop.. really.. lol..

On a better note I COME WITH A BROWNIE RECIPEEEE!!! And I am posting it because its healthy, they are made out of beans, and I need to cut these nasty cravings for this evil thing we call sugar. I still have a little less then 3 weeks so no I won’t be making these any time soon but I lost it and NOW I FOUND IT AGAIN!!!! So here it is.. super stoked.

Vegan Black Bean Brownie Recipe

For the Mix:

black bean brownie ingredients photo 300x200

1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/4 cups raw sugar
1 1/4 cup cocoa
4 tsp instant coffee powder
1 1/2 cups chopped hazelnutsYou also need:
1 15 oz can black beans, rinsed and filled with new water
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup of water (eyeball it by filling up half the empty can)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Mix together the flour with the salt and baking powder.  For a nice layered presentation in a jar start with half the sugar,  then add half the flour mixture, all the cocoa, the coffee powder, the remaining flour, the remaining sugar, and the nuts on top.  When ready to bake, dump out the jar into a mixing bowl and stir to combine all the dry ingredients.

Drain a can of black beans and rinse thoroughly until the water runs clear.  Return the black beans back to the can and fill with water.  Puree the beans and water.  Add the puree to the dry mix along with the vanilla and extra cup of water.  Stir to combine.

Pour the batter into a greased 9×13 pan.  Bake for 25-30 minutes, rotating the pan around halfway through.  When the brownies are finished they should be firm in the center and the edges will be slightly puffy and starting to pull away from the sides.  My batch was finished at 28 minutes.  It’s important not to over bake in the oven because they will keep baking once you take them out.

Let brownies cool completely then use a 2×2 in cookie cutter to cut into 24 squares.

black bean brownies photo 1024x682

The Food Log

730am Protein Shake
1130am Chicken Breast w/ Mustard
230pm Chicken Breast w/ Asparagus and Mustard lol.
545pm My new found love rice cakes w/ Walden Farms Caramel Topping w/ Spinach and Turkey
9pm Eggs and another rice cake and topping. SO FUCKING GOOD I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!

The Workout

6am 45min Cardio (Stairmaster)
730pm Back and Cardio 🙂

I don’t have much time to fill this in, so I will when I get home I just needed to post it.

Started with Lat Pulldown 5 sets up too 100lbs

then unilateral row, seated row, back ext, planks

+ 30 SOLID (no rest, High intensity) minutes of cardio.

Day 74 in Pictures..

ok fine. no more.

  1. My pickle. Everyone went to Potbelly 😦
  2. My pre workout meal. lol I WAS CRAVING SPINACH WTF?!
  3. Found the new love of my life. Sugar Free Rice cake w/ cinnamon and Walden Farms no calorie Caramel spread. HOLY HELL. It tastes like a pancake, to cinnamon toast crunch cereal, to french toast, back to apple I don’t know, but its awesome.
  4. Post workout- 3 eggs 1 egg white w/ Garlic and another amazingness in my mouth.

Today has been good except all the cravings (no I will NOT binge, or eat any of this. If I did it would be after my show lol).. but I did morning cardio, and did a semi decent back work out, but killed late night cardio. I need to start adding more time and taking away certain things.. I am almost 2 weeks out and at that point I will need to cut most fat ALL sugar and majority carbs. I wont be able to have artificial sweetener either lol. Ugh. SO not happy. lolol My suit should be here within the next week. I also ordered tattoo make up (really just for a large birthmark) and figured out my tan and my makeup. I randomly got a message and she wanted to trade (personal training for hair/ tans) HOW FUCKING AWESOME!!! My tanning last year cost $100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I did my make up and trust me you could tell. haha anyways.. hopefully now all I need to focus is losing fat but keeping my ass.. ahhhhhh YEAH!!! :):) Gotta keep this mentality going!

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Day 62 Bikini Challenge

So fuck it. I was going to do this blog solely on my bikini choices.. But I think I am just going to go with this one, except the diamonds will be a black chain..

I really wanted pink.. Then I really wanted blue.. UGH…… fuck it.. I need to order this asap.

Update. I fucking just spent two hours with my home dawn going over bikinis. Remember when I posted before, LONNNNGGGGGGGG AGOOOOOOO, it was Jennifer Stano’s bikini and it was oh so sexy. well, I had recently seen her website fell in love with her then randomly found her on instagram one day. I commented on something regarding the bikini lol and she told me it wasn’t being produced at the moment.

Major 😦

So any who after she requested to follow me (I was on private, but YAY!!), I stalked her pictures and she has probably one of the best styles I have ever come across. Any who… I really wanted this bikini and was super stressing. So we decided to do a little spin off (I was going to do the same style but suitsyouswimwear doesn’t have a thick black chain) and give her credit in some way (inspired by..Jennifer blah you get it).. but we changed a thing or two.. (still give MAJOR credit to her and still will) but heres a pic to understand a little bit..

Pretty much the only thing that is really different is I am going to have a gold chain instead of black 😦 I really wanted black.. but the chain is a tad different. We were originally going to do the navy blue with the gold, then I went back to the coral then got super stressed… any who. I got it under control. I still have to wait to take my measurements (and def paying extra in shipping as a cause of me being the procrastinator of the year).. But just so every can see what I am dealing with.. these are the two colors. It is pretty much Jennifers cut of bikini, with the chain, but either the gold chain (because I don’t have the black in that cut), with the coral or the navy blue. Just picture it please. lol.

The Food Log

11am (yes this is the time I woke up, 1030 to be exact lol)… had my liquid egg whites and a artichoke 🙂
230pm Chipotle. One of my last days at chiptole lol.. 😦 aweee man.
530pm Made some lace cookies that failed. Also made black bean brownies.. Will try those in an hour or so…
715pm Don’t know what I am going to go make, but trying one of those brownies.. oh boy.

I didn’t look at the time but I have eaten another 3oz of steak, 1/2c corn, 1 rice cake, 2 tbs protein pb, and 3 strawberries. I don’t want to get rid of my almond butter and fruit…. but were getting closer lol. eeeeeeeek!

The Work Out

Deadlifts

60lbs x 12 reps x 2
80lbs x 8-10reps x 2

Lunges

60lbs x 20reps x 5=

100 TOTAL LUNGES!

Planks. Bosu Ball. Jump Squats. 10 minutes.

Abduction/abbduction.

Day 62 in Pictures..

  1. Finally tried my muscle egg..okay had my mother try it first but it was pretty good and super convenient.
  2. Also had an artichoke (with olive oil and garlic dipping sauce) thanks to Jenna Marbles
  3. Post Work Out (legs) Killed it. Second to last chipotle meal for a month.
  4. Take home exam.
  5. Lmfao. Ill post this recipe, but I believe this picture was before, not after (not like it would of mattered) but you should see them now. They did NOT turn out and I have no idea why. I followed everything except adding the vanilla. So I put them in a container. They hardened up a bit and I tried them again and OMG. They taste awesome. Its pretty much just almonds and cocoa powder haha so not THAT bad for you, but I am addicted. I don’t know what I did wrong but I hope to do it again. This time I think I will just cook it like brownies (and not shape them like cookies because they didn’t even hold together).
  6. So since that was a failure, I tried to do black bean brownies.
  7. But they taste like ass. No joke. They said to add 2 WHOLE BANANAS!!! ( I only added 1 and 1/2 and you can SMELL THE BANANAS IN THEM!!!!!!!) ugh lol.. but I got high and came home (and since its the weekend/cheat meal I didn’t care) cut a slice and cut up a strawberry and warmed it all up and it was awesome. lol. but not cold. cold they taste like shit.
  8. I made this for a meal (but 2 steaks) ate one, my mom ate 1/2 and I ate the other 1/2 when I came home. I literally had a buffet in front of me.
  9. What my fridge/freezer looks like (only bc I keep throwing shit away and my mom hasn’t noticed yet).
  10. Competition throw back 🙂

So today was a good day. Went to the gym, had a nice leg work out. Enjoyed lunch by myself to clear my head before my take home exam. Did that, graded it and without the 3 written questions I got like 4 wrong. Ol well. Baked a little, did some laundry. Was going to do another set of cardio but I was running out of time (excuses) and I simply didn’t want to. I gave myself the weekend to take a few deep breaths in order to start Monday off with a bang. Monday is going to be super long. Will get more into that tomorrow (Sunday, yes I know you are reading this on sunday.. Remember blogs will always be a day off lol)… but yeah chilled, mike came over and helped me with my bikini deciding. Still don’t know if I am going to keep that color but I think it’ll be good.. Fuck. Now that I am writing about it I am thinking about it more.. O m g. Should I do the coral color or the blue color with the gold chains????

So look at the bikini up top (in the coral/pink color on JS) and picture it with gold chains. Yes,? No?

Now picture that bikini in this royal blue, with the GOLD chains.. yes? no? but look how cute royal blue and gold look……

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

❤ ❤ ❤ Enjoy your weekend!!

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Day 60 The hardest victory is over self.

Thursday

Ain't that the mother fuckin truth!

9-5pm Autowerks
730-10pm KILLIN it in the gym. Boulder Shoulders.

The Diet

…is not working. Sorry :/

The Work out

Seated Shoulder Press

30lbs (each arm) x 10reps *supersetted* w/

Squat to Front Raise (ask if you don’t know)

25lbs x 10reps

Lateral Raise

15lbs (each arm) x 10reps *supersetted* w/

Squat to Shoulder Press

30lb (each arm) x 8reps

Front Raise (cables)

5 Minute Planks

45 Minute Cardio

Day 60 in Pictures..

  1. School reimbursed me and it couldn’t have come at a better time. && my protein shake tasted like a jelly doughnut and it was AWESOME!
  2. MY NEW SPERRYS!
  3. Went to Whole Foods because I was going no a road trip. BLACKENED CHICKEN!
  4. Steak pieces…. wtf. lol.
  5. Treat before BOULDER SHOUDLERS!
  6. 330 PLANK!!!!!
  7. After plank.. like a boss.
  8. DINNAH! Post Workout. Sirloin. Brown Rice. Onion.

Today was a good day.. wasn’t at the shop much. Went to Wisconsin and that took a while.. (so I snuck to Whole foods to grab some goodies 🙂 However.. I’ve been thinking about it and I am 5 and 1/2 WEEKS OUT. OMFG! Time is passing and I don’t feel I am giving it my all. Still taking pics so I’ll show y’all the transformation 😉 The next post or two is going to be dedicated to my bikini, because I NEED IT ORDERED LIKE YESTERDAY!!! I really don’t want to stress :/

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