Tag Archives: Personal training

Happy.

Doing pretty good lately. Things are slowly starting to come together and I couldn’t be more happier. This is by far the longest I have gone with out bingeing or beating myself up over food or extra calories. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon either. It just feels so good.

Granted I still have my bad days, the ones where I don’t want to get out of bed (mostly due to being sore lol) but nothing has ultimately stopped me dead in my tracks just yet, or have tried to derail my progress (fingers crossed!). Yes everything still isn’t how I imagined it but I am having fun on this little journey of mine. I have been training with a co worker of mine, like previously mentioned, and I am so ecstatic by it. Not only is he helping me physically, but mentally as well. I am slowly but surely becoming a better trainer and I couldn’t thank him enough. He is truly fantastic and deserves a lot more credit then being mentioned in my blog. I have reached new limits and improving just about everything in regards to working out. I think it has definitely helped in every aspect of my life. Funny how such a small part of life could open the eyes to something bigger.

I just feel better…

My promotion papers have been sent in and I am looking forward to that. Hopefully it will be enough where I don’t have to quit training completely but who knows.. time will tell. Other than work and working out (even though that’s mainly.. about 70% of my life.. the other 30% is sleeping.. fersure).. the boy and I have been doing well too. Went to Great Lakes Drag Strip last night, and although at first I was in a bad mood, it wasn’t so boring. Not that it usually is or anything but I was super tired and didn’t feel like babysitting for hours.. if you know what I mean 😛 My girls came through and I think that helped a lot. Got pissed for about 15 minutes because I hate vindictive females but nothing a burger couldn’t fix. Damn.. talk about emotional eating eh? But seriously.. I haven’t really had a cheat meal and figured eating a burger (with the top part of the bread missing. Not because of the carbs, more so because they put CHEESE on it!!!!! If I wanted cheese, I’d ask for a motherfucking cheeseburger..!!! fml lol) would be better than starving (I did have a quest bar in the car I saved for the ride home though..).. and after a little while later the boy insisted on getting a funnel cake. He was actually pretty pissed when I came back from the bathroom without one so, we went together and I stole a few pieces. Nothing to worry about and nothing to get upset about and surely I was not 🙂

Look @ that beautiful smile. Damn..

Look @ that beautiful smile. Damn..

Came home while my mom was still up (and after she almost punted my cat right back outside after he brought home 2 dead baby rabbits. It was so sad).. and offered us a piece of cake. Her homemade cake is so legit. I passed but gave a slice to the boy, only after I stole a bite 🙂 He woke up pretty early and headed to work while I dosed off for a few more hours. Got to work around 10am, had clients till about 1 then worked out for a little less than an hour.

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mama bears homemade cake 😛

Everything is sore. Tomorrow I am for sure taking a day off.. no active resting no fucking nothing because I can’t handle it lmao. My wrists are achy my forearms hurt.. the middle of my hands hurt.. my shoulders hurt from awkwardly laying down and typing this.. I am just a mess. Definitely going to get some good sleep and just chill the weekend away. Hopefully sunday is nice out so I can get some color, because after those progress pictures this morning.. I sure as fuck need it.. lol.

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Look.. my ass looks big.. but its the pants. These two pics (bikini and this one) are 2 days apart. It's an illusion.

Look.. my ass looks big.. but its the pants. These two pics (bikini and this one) are 2 days apart. It’s an illusion.

 

Here have been a few things I have been eating lately.. This is just a reminder that you don’t have to just eat chicken veggies and an apple here and there.. GET CREATIVE! Just be smart about it.. That’s all it really takes..

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A PB&J on Kashi Waffles

Yes.. I even go to Chipotle! Def after a leg day.. This was actually when I attempted to deadlift 200 something..

Yes.. I even go to Chipotle! Def after a leg day.. This was actually when I attempted to deadlift 200 something..

But take Chipotle for example.. Eating out doesn’t have to be something you can’t/don’t do while trying to live a healthy lifestyle. It is ALL ABOUT CHOICES!! So make the best of them. I got brown rice, veggies, 1/2 steak 1/2 chicken and called it a day..

"Pizza" on a garbanzo bean crust:

“Pizza” on a garbanzo bean crust:

2/3c garbanzo flour
1/4tsp salt
1/4tsp rosemary
1/4tsp thyme

Recipe from: rippedrecipes.com – Go check them out. They have some dope ass recipes!

I have to have meat. I believe this was after a leg day..

I have to have meat. I believe this was after a leg day..

I eat pretty good throughout the week. Limiting cheats to one day a week, but consuming way more calories on leg days. I have been using my polar heart rate monitor and I can’t believe I went years without using it. It really is such a great tool. One day though, I want to wear it all day long.. (maybe on sunday) on a day where I don’t do any formal exercise, to really see how many calories my body burns just by breathing, being alive (your BMR) ext. I think that would be really helpful in knowing how many calories to be consuming (outside of working out). It also holds me accountable. You have weekly goals and at the end of the week if you reached them all you get a trophy, and I want that motherfucking trophy 🙂

Other than that.. Life has been pretty normal. Working, Eating, Working Out, Sleeping.. you know, the usual. So far, still don’t mind it.. really just trying to get back on my feet. Slowly but surely.

Thanking God every day.

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If all you get out of this post was that I deadlifted 230lbs, that’s fine.

Have been having some really bad days lately. Mostly because of my attitude towards it all, but it is really hard to stay positive when you are going broke doing what you love to do. I just feel that I am stuck. Even more overwhelmed that I feel stuck in the first place. It’s almost like binging.. One horrible, vicious cycle in which I am doing to myself.

No one is making me stay at this company. No one has a gun to my head telling me I can’t leave.. Yet I feel like trying to find a new job would not entirely help the situation. I would have to find all new clients, go practically paycheckless for 2ish months, literally start from the bottom all over again and I don’t think that makes a lot of sense right now. Hopefully my boss puts in a good word to snag a promotion sooner than later, because I feel like I will have no choice but to leave. I really don’t want to, at least not now. I have a LIST of horrible things this company does, and that I am against but I LOVE personal training, I LOVE my clients. I don’t know.. I really have no idea what to do and I cry myself to sleep every night praying to God to help me through all this.
It has gotten to a point where I have been asking my boyfriend for money to pay my bills.. something I am super ashamed about but something that I appreciate dearly. Hopefully I will get my head out of my ass and will start stepping in the right direction instead of huge piles of shit all the damn time. I just hate being taken advantage of.. I am BUSTING my ass and putting so much thought and effort into every one of my clients, all to get pennies off the dollar. It’s sad.. it really is that a company as big as this one validates paying there trainers a little as they do. It is MIND BLOWING. But I continue to work there.. don’t I? So who the fuck else do I have to blame except, yet again, myself?
The only good I see coming from this experience though, is the thought of starting my own business. I have so many ideas that that alone gets me overwhelmed as well.. but it’s a little piece of hope I continue to hold on too..
Maybe one day..
Now that thats off my chest.. I DEADLIFTED 230lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… a whopping 230 for 2 reps (lol).. After I dropped the weight, I had 3 people come up to me shaking my hand, telling me how impressive it was. I felt famous for like 2.5 seconds and I FREAKING LOVED IT! Granted, I had a spot and I used straps (I have never lifted with straps before but holyhell I can see why people use them. It helped SO much that I am thinking of purchasing a pair.. in pink of course!).. but I did it! I was so happy. So happy that it turned my horribly awful day into a freakin GREAT ONE! I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day lol.. till.. well I got home. I was INSTANTLY sore.. mostly because I lifted the second rep wrong and used my back instead of my legs (WHICH IS DANGEROUS! DO NOT DO!), and spent the rest of the night on a heating pad. The next day (today), was even worse.. Which I knew was going to happen because well.. I have been lifting for a while now and I know damn well the next few days afterwards are incredibly painful lol. I got foam rolled though which will help with the recovery process, but let me tell you.. THAT WAS UNBEARBALE! Now.. I have gotten tattooed on the ribs, and have had my tongue/nose pierced.. but o m g, that had me in tears. I almost had them stop it was that bad.. Shit.. I’m like cringing as I write this lol… So, I took a slight rest day today.. Did a slow pace walk for 40 minutes and continued to stretch through out the day. Over all.. WORTH IT! I really need to start training with a spotter though.. I have so much potential yet don’t lift as heavy as I can in fear I’ll either look like a dumbass or.. I’ll look like a dumbass when the weight comes crashing down on me lol.. Either way.. I know that with someone there that I could lift SOOOOO much heavier and I NEED that. I need to start progressing.. Yes, I am losing weight but it’s not all about that. I just want to get stronger.. Now if only it wasn’t just physically but mentally too..
Ohh.. one step at a time..
girlDeadlift
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Treading water just to stay afloat.

Finally writing, updating my life ventures via the internet. I have a couple hours to spare so, why not?

Once again, and for the last what? 2-3 posts, I am still overwhelmed. I am getting underpaid for overworking and sooner rather than later, I think it is going to catch up to me. Knowing this, I have been praying, crying, over thinking and panicking about my life situation at the moment. Is all that healthy? no.. but it at least it has me attempting to get the ball moving, to get proactive. I cant just wait around anymore. I cant just sit on an idea, a dream and just exist in the world. Where is that going to get me? Where HAS it gotten me? No where fast, no where worth being proud about that’s for sure.

I have been through a lot in my life and it has lead me to have a world full of insecurities affecting EVERYTHING in my life. Each day its different. One day I feel accomplished, the next unmotivated and taken advantage of. Its not fair to be constantly in turmoil, to be anxious and stressed. I NEED to do something about it, not just blog about it and one day hope to God that things change. I HAVE TO CHANGE THEM MYSELF.

So this post seems to be spiraling down the depressed path that it usually does, however, it was inspired by moments of truth.

I have recently taken up a new client and after spending many hours with him, helping inspiring training him, I have come to gain a rather special person in my life. One that has offered to lend a helping hand, only to have known me for a week or so. Not many people in this world have good intentions, fuck most wont even hold the door open for you so what has transpired has literally had me in tears. I don’t want to go much into detail about it because it could jeopardize a lot of things in my life and at the moment I don’t have much to fall back on, so I will keep it short and sweet.

In the last few weeks, I have opened my eyes and my mind to the bigger picture that I want to see in my near future. Something that I want to reach for, a dream I would love to see come true, something I plan on working very hard for. Something like this, especially for me has come with many insecurities like I mentioned earlier. Whether its because I don’t believe in myself or any other reason, it has deterred me from being successful in the past. I have always just done my part, doing what was expected of me and evidently been taken advantage of which led to burning out quickly. Although I was in the field that I wanted to be in, started my career at 19 years old, I gave it up for a boy. Something that I do infact regret, but will forever have learned an important lesson. I will live my life for me. Any and everyone else should just compliment it, not trouble it. I can’t depend on anyone but myself and will keep on fighting to stay afloat. However that doesnt mean I dont have a great support system, because as of lately I have really been blessed with a great (and growing) one.

This client of mine, who again barely knows me, spent an hour on the phone with me the other day. Talking about how he knows and feels how passionate I am about what I am doing. How I NEED to start thinking for myself and being proactive about broadening my horizons, shooting for something bigger than just the bare minimum. I mean, what AM I WAITING FOR? To win the lottery? That one special break in a career? Someone to do all the work and I just take credit for it? I don’t know.. fuck it could be anything considering I have waited this long to finally get my head out of my ass. He told me that I have something in me that many people don’t and that I need to use it to the best of my ability. We got some ideas rolling and with the help of him and my Wellness Coaching instructor, I am very close to finishing up the brainstorming process and moving forward with this idea. I cannot tell you how truly AMAZING it is, to have people believe in you.. Other than family and friends, having strangers take time out of their lives to tell you that they support you is a phenomal feeling. Like for instant, I was checking my facebook messages earlier and here is what a fellow fb friend wrote:

hey, i just wanted to say that i just read some of your blog, as well as i enjoy reading your posts on Facebook. You definitely should start your own business, you know what your talking about and you have people skills to get the job done, but keep up the good work at work as well on the blog!

PS it would be cool if you could start a little podcast thing and just talk for an hour or so every so often instead of writing everything down.

Insert instant smile here.

It’s an unbelievable feeling and again, I feel so blessed.

After finishing up talking with this client he mentioned (said a disclaimer before lol) that I am “too pretty to be bitter”. It hit me right in the heart because its true. Not so much the too pretty part (lol.. insecure much?) but the bitter part. There are many things in my life that I wish to gain control of before I go on this rollercoaster of a ride idea of mine and hope that everyday I get a little bit stronger. Physically (obviously :P) but mentally, emotionally because as far as I can tell I havent even broke the surface regarding those two aspects of my life. For example last night,.. I tried breaking up with the love of my life (again). I felt I was putting too much time and effort into him and not into myself (like I did prior with another guy). Something that I promised to myself that I would NEVER do again. I have had anxiety for awhile now in regards to (well just about everythung in my life) but more so in my relationship with him. Although he is be far THEE best guy I have EVER dated, I can’t be selfish and hold onto something that could possibly benefit form me parting from. There are alot of things that have happened that has broken trust, but nothing that can’t be fixed. I just don’t think it has been lately, even attempted really. I think its that mentatlity that time heals everything or something because I feel just stuck overthinking (EVERYTHING). Although I am loved and adored yadda ya I still feel lonely. I feel caught up in a world where it doesnt matter if you fail or succeed. A world where good people are hard to come by.

I am afraid of the future for what it will or will not bring. I am constantly overwhelmed over everything I have no control over. I know what I do wrong, how I am and how I act, yet I do nothing about it thinking someday it will all change and be better. LOL. aint that something. Its literally like some (yes some, more than one) clients thinking eating a Whopper before working out with me is a good idea. You know its not, yet you keep eating shitty getting the same results hoping one day the good will outweigh the bad and life will be happily every after once and for all.

Hmm.. if only that’s how it worked. Instead you must work hard and believe even harder. Having faith in the unknown is one of the most difficult things we will face in the world today but something that will keep your mind body and spirit striving to be better each day forward.

Well I guess I really didn’t keep that short, but I laughed when I wrote that anyways. Hoping to post up progress pictures some time in the near future (but uploading on this gay macbook is difficult) but until then, enjoy all my random ass blog posts.

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Starting at the bottom..

Once again, can’t keep consistent with this thing. I was busy before but now, holyshitballs I am so overwhelmed. Even more so than last time I said I was overwhelmed..

Bombarded with clients, should be a good thing considering I just recently made a switch to a full time personal trainer.. However it has me suuuperr stressed. Trying to make everyone happy while still taking a decent paycheck to pay my bills.. I’m getting get shit, another pay cut. I suppose we all have to start at the bottom somewhere right?

Other than work, which is still exciting while its overwhelming, I am still taking my wellness coaching class. I have about 2-3 weeks left and a paper to write in a week, which I haven’t started.  I need to sit down once my schedule is “normal” and really start prioritizing my life. The only good thing I suppose I have to write about is the fact that I have stayed consistent with my work outs and “diet”. Like legit consistent and it feels amazing. I don’t have much time to think about “cheating” or any excuse NOT to work out.. I mean I work at the friggin gym! Though.. My last gym I was at before I got transferred over here, many guys actually gained weight when they started at the gym. That surprised me alot.. Considering when I am in the gym setting I am INSTANTLY motivated.. It’s like when I see people working out, I want to workout! Give and take, truly finding my balance one day at a time. 

Other than my work and my work out life, things are still going well. Living paycheck to paycheck (nothing new been doing this for quite some time now), which can be stressful but I am Living my life one blessed minute at a time. 3 days ago marked my boos and I “one year” anniversary (It’s been longer actually but we never set a date or even knew when we started dating. We just.. Well did lol). He got off work a little late but we ended up going to jewel and picked up some food to grill with. We love to grill.. We love to eat 🙂 (I’m his little fat kid at heart. We get down).. Then passéd out shortly after because I had to be up at 4:15am. Yes. 4 in the morning to train clients for 3 hours.. And to think I couldn’t get up that early to even to fasted cardio.. I suppose when you’re getting paid its a little easier 😉

I don’t mind it though.. I think ill be doing that for 3days out of the week. It at least let’s me snag some cardio in before 7am which is helping my progress.  I am just excited for things to get rolling.. My schedule is filling up fast which is a good thing for my wallet.. Hopefully I stay on top of things mentally though, because personal training has a high rate of burn outs. I mean I should know.. Back a couple years ago when I first started pt’ing about a year and half in I was just done with everything. I never wanted to work for a business “middle man” again but seem to have missed this life style a little.. Getting paid crap to change people’s lives, depending on those people to show up in general but the most work comes from keeping these clients on track via their workouts. The amount of money I am gettin paid to go above and beyond for my clients (do you have too? No.. But I believe in personal training. I see and know the value an truly want to help these people) is almost insulting, it is still a HUGE passion of mine and I will express that and continue to prove it.

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