Tag Archives: Psychology

well hello there.. *waves*

So as you obviously may know it is not the 13th (the day I said I would return), but I just approved a comment from a lovely person asking me to not give up and continue blogging about my experience (and it put the BIGGEST smile on my face), so I just might.

I do have a lot 3 different posts that are just sitting in my all posts section either waiting to be posted or perhaps may sit unpublished forever (who knows). However I think it is a good idea to blog about my last week of contest prep since the last two are probably the most important.

In an unpublished post I explained my reasoning behind stopping the blog for a moment, but since this one will be sent out first I’ll explain again.. The reason I was put this blog on hold was because I had no time. The time that I did have in between other things, I was closing my eyes to try and get minutes of something I think people call sleep. This last week are my finals, so I had a 12 page paper due Friday. I wrote it but I never turned it in. Why? because I hate the teacher and I am going to take the class over again. I have a homework assignment due today (sunday), a 3 hour exam on Monday, a 3 hour exam (that I don’t know If I am going to for psychology) on Wednesday, and my sports nutrition paper due that Wednesday as well. Okay..so this is all happening around the most crucial part of competing. Not to mention I work a 9-5 at a body shop where all I do is babysit, but thats besides the point. I am at the gym at 6am to do cardio, work, class, back to the gym again for a lift and 30-45 min of cardio. You can tell I am drained.

So. Those are my excuses and I apologize. I did find time today (and after I read that beautiful comment), I decided to do a little update status. Granted I believe I will post a little more during the week, but please don’t think they are going to be as detailed as the last ones lol. I never knew blogging actually took as much time as it does.. Oh naive little Marissa.

ALRIGHTY!!!!! So.. down to the last week.

Progress Pictures:

Sorry.. my ab picture isn’t showing up.. its all upside down :/

..and yes my ass did get smaller…….

 

The Food Log:

I will be consuming spinach, broccoli, asparagus, chicken, ground turkey and MAYBE tuna. lol. But yep, hows that for a diet? lol.. and yes this is a “diet” my lifestyle however is NOT. please do not mix and twist my words. Diets suck. My lifestyle is enjoyable.

Check list: Bikini, Heels, Tickets, Bottle of Tanning Lotion, Sponges, Bikini Bite, Fake Eye Lashes.

Still Need:

  • Hotel Reservations.
  • Rental Car.
  • NPC Card.
  • Mac Makeup.
  • Hair cut/dyed.

Everything else will fall into place. This is what the rest of the week looks like..

Monday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam, Gym again.
Tuesday: Early Cardio, Work, Hair Cut, Gym again.
Wednesday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam/Paper, Gym again.
Thursday: Early Cardio, Work, Nails, Gym again.
Friday: Early as FUCK cardio (MAYBE), Tan, Check in @ USA gym, do nothing.
Saturday: SHOW TIME! Tan, Makeup, Hair, 1030am Prejuding, 5-6pm Night Show.
Sunday: PIG THE FUCK OUT!
Monday: Back to normal 🙂

So my life is a little hectic, but at least I found time to breathe right? Everything is going alright I suppose. The bikini is a little small for my doing, but I will just rock it anyways (spent $150 on it and its non returnable lol).. really just wanting this all to be over so I can go back to my normal way of living lol. I am just now always on a schedule and I have NO time to even take a step back and calm myself (which isn’t good.. stress= cortisol)..

but I have been thinking ALOT about after the show.

I am really hard on myself, and with my past of bingeing I have always let myself go after a contest prep. Some do, some don’t, but this year I won’t. I am healthier and stronger and wiser then last year. I did this just to do it, but NO award, no trophy, not even placing won’t do a damn thing to how I will live my life after all this. I usually ALWAYS need a reason to “diet”.. oh I’m  training for a show, or even it being the beginning of a new week, I just always needed a reason.. well.. not anymore.. Living how I have been living for these past 3 months has changed something in me.. something that has been wrong for awhile. I FEEL my work outs in the gym. I squeeze my muscles and actually feel the power when I lift the weights, it is so stress relieving. These endorphins are incredible. I love feeling how I feel when I am working out, or even just feeling healthy. It is SUCH a difference, and this is coming from someone who HATED themselves years ago. Time changes a lot of things, so does actually caring about yourself/body.

Anywho, that was a quick update for y’all.. I am sure I will be posting more (the last few days you don’t really do much but lay around because your energy is so low).. but I do want everyone to know that you can do this. Trust me.. it was 3 months of solid hard work, but when I show you these pictures that NO ONE has ever seen before (and yes they will probably get used against me some time in this cyber world which is OKAY with me), you will understand what I am talking about. I was FAT. No joke… and yes it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies but this is the outcome of hard work. The food did not suck (just be smart, healthy doesn’t have to mean shitty tasting!!!), but getting up and HAVING to move and sweat and burn, did. Working out isn’t always fun and you sometimes may not want to, but the rewards that come when you do are so worth it. Just remember.. it didn’t take a day to put it on, so be patient.

Thanks guys for all the love and support. ❤

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Day 38 Avere fiducia, and that I will…

730am Woke up to drama. and BAD hunger pains.

Made a protein shake. Strawberry Banana.

8-830am Sipped the shake while drove to work.

9am Got to work.

905am Found out my “best friend” told the guys I work with, who I hooked up with last summer.

Wouldn’t of been that big of a deal, but you don’t know the guys I work with. Prior to this, I am currently being made fun of for a “relationship” which is just a friendship with another co worker. So this just takes the cake.

Funny part is, I would of never of known my “bff” was talking shit if Mike (who actually thought I was mad at him) texted me with “I tried to get nikki to stop” LMFAO…. didn’t even know what he was talking about.

now I do.

So last night they were all out drinking and I got brought up about how I went with Greg to a party last year.. well. nikki mentioned something about how I hooked up with Greg but we didn’t have sex.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. okay well eric goes and texts greg and says what happened with you and marissa, we already have confirmed data so just tell us. Here is the convo below..

So then greg tries and get ahold of me but cant because I was passed out..

So this morning when greg woke up he tried explaining what happened and I already blew up at nikki bc like I said SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW ANYTHING!!!!!…. so yeah.. well..I go up to eric and I said was it greg or nikki who told you.. he gave me some BULLSHIT story and I just said forget it and walked away…

Well.. matt confirmed that I was brought up nikki mentioned my hook up eric texted greg greg texted me mike was there and tried stopping nikki from being a backstabbingtwofacedbitch. then proceeded to say how I give pics to everyone blahblahblah.. and goes and tries to deny it through text.. I have a screen shot of that as well.. lmfao.. here you go..

 

 

Dude seriously.. wtf. I am done. I don’t need this drama or this extra stress.. its CHILDISH and after everything weve been through together.. After people giving her shit for “sleeping with eric,” or being a “home wrecker” lmfao.. did I go and blurt shit out?????? and to think she was the ONLY one who knew….wow…. but everything happens for a reason and I am glad it happened so I can lose her as a friend. I knew that people thought she was two faced but I never thought she would do it to me.. OLWEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL…I don’t need people like that in my life. I’d forgive her but I don’t need that negativity in my life.. 😦 I have enough of my own..

So thatsthat. Deleted all my co workers from facebook.. actually blocked them all.. Not hanging out with anyone from work or actually anyone for that matter.. DONE.

I like my life without D R A M A. well.. as much unnecessary drama as possible. lol..

1249pm TIME IS JUST DRAGGGGINGGG.. I have class tonight and then I think I am going to work out because I didn’t work out yesterday and I binged like I said prior.. I do want to discuss this though..

I have to care that I binged because I am doing a contest.. but for my OWN sake I can’t care (confused?).. Nothing I did was wrong besides not going to the gym (instead I will go today). But for the sole reason of me doing a contest prep anything can be dangerous… Not so much because I am still a little over 2 months away.. but even these healthy spurts of carb cravings I need to be careful.. Besides it was one slip up (only 2 so far in the 38 days SUPER PROUD AGAIN!) and I am also super happy that my cheat meals aren’t really cheat meals.. that they are healthy alternatives. So in a contest prep world I cheated, but for sanity I only overate. Time to move on and live TODAY not what I did last night 🙂

So I ate my chicken breast, with some BBQ sauce (MAYBE a tablespoon), munching on edamame with detox tea 🙂

Will eat again around class time.

Have to go to the financial aid office though to turn in another form but so far I think I’m doing good! Should be reimbursed soon for school. They are about to take out another payment on the 20th.. not happy.. I am dipping into my savings for this shit.. that and MY TAXES STILL WONT GET FIXED!!!! ughhhhhh maybe I will call them right now. oh and as I was blocking people from texting me I realized my cell phone was past due 2 days….. alrighty then there goes another $100 ontop of the $250 on my cell phone and the $100 I went randomly shopping with PRIOR to all this happening.. OH yeah and I owe Hertz Rental car $250 😦 not happy. Sorry a bit of ranting for the day….

So left work at 430pm 

5pm got to school, went to financial aids office.
Looks like everything is all verified. I got an email saying they are taking another payment out on the 20th and looks like everything will be finalized on the 21st lol. She said Id get reimbursed and then get remaining money? I don’t know.. Well see.. but I could DEF use that money right now..

Had Steak and broccoli before, and had a chicken breast at around 730pm.

 

930 Went to the gym after getting home and walking Marley.

930-1030 Stairmaster. Holy shit.

1045 1 cup chili with 1 cup ground turkey. a pinch or two low fat mozzarella and 2/3 banana.. (was going to be 1/2 banana but for some reason I am started to get addicted to bananas lol)…. hmmmmm…..

Btw if you ever wanted to know what it looks like to microwave with a non microwavable container.. this is what happens..

‘But that’s it for today… in class we are learning about personality disorders and eating disorders.. its weird hearing about binge eating and so forth.. btw.. it kept coming up that the side effects of bulimia is ruined teeth enamel.. and I actually think that’s true in my case.. they literally bleed ALL the time.. I HATE going to the dentist because I can taste the blood in my mouth 😦 Idk….. I’m flossing though hopefully it helps :/

Feel good, stomach is still looking pretty ugly to me.. Cant wait to go tanning so I feel a little more confident.. It’s been so nice out lately, makes you wonder what summer is gonna feel like lol.. this is obviously global warming how else is it like 80 everywhere in the world?? haha..

 

Goodnight ❤

Food Log

8-830am Protein Shake
12pm Chicken Breast/ Edamame
3pm Nut Butter
4pm Steak/Broccoli
7pm Chicken Breast

930-1030pm 60 Min Cardio (stairmaster)

1045pm Chili/Ground Turkey

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