Tag Archives: Quote

Failure is no longer an option.

“We know that to keep going matters more than when we fail. That the secret to success is not such a secret that it seems. For we all hold the keys. We are the keepers of our dreams.”

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Rants and Raves.

I constantly see feed on my Facebook of girls who are physically ripped to pieces, then verbally ripped to pieces. Just because you don’t personally like someones physique, doesn’t mean you should suddenly start speaking your mind. Regardless if its physically appealing, how is the dedication the commitment the complete and utter consistency and persistence to keep pushing hard each and every single day, not?

3 different body types. All have been critised one way or another..

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This lifestyle isn’t easy. We have our good days and probably double the bad ones.
But what makes us stand out the most, is that we don’t give up, ESPECIALLY during the grueling days that present themselves. We push harder those days. We wake up tired and hungry but with each day that passes we are one step closer to achieving dreams we have made for ourselves.

How many of you can say you do that on a daily basis? Consistently push 100% for something that you hope one day all comes together? I must admit.. just writing these words right here right now makes me feel like just because I don’t feel accomplished in this world yet, that I will one day become unstoppable. I know who I am, but I also know who I want to be. I come off as mean and intimidating to those who don’t know me. I think they call that a “bitch” nowadays? The thing is though, is I can be. I’ll admit it. I have been so hurt in the last 24 years that its true, I can be ruthless at times. I don’t take shit life is way too short for that, but just because I have a tough exterior doesn’t mean I am not this soft loving person inside. I want to break this habit that everyone has to be mean to people they don’t know. As the days tick on, I realize how much hate is indeed infesting this world and how little love is spread. This world needs people sticking together, to work together. Whatever anyone amounts to be in this world, we will never leave it. The ground is where we all will lay to rest one day, a ground that lie just about every enemy we think we’ve had.Sorry, I can get carried away. Point is, if we arent bettering ourselves each and every day, we have no room to speak about others. Yes, opinions are like assholes, every one has one.. Well aware, but why try to belittle someones accomplishments? We know it clearly has nothing to do with them, but something you may be lacking in your own life. Anyways I am no ones therapist, so lets keep it simple. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

Silence is a source of great strength.

Remember that.

So with each day forward I want to become something better. I don’t want to be that person that everyone thinks I am. I will always have those certain walls up but doesn’t mean I don’t have a door and I can’t come out and play. Little do you know, I want to spread my knowledge and help those who are looking for it. I want to help you change your life.  I want to help you feel the power behind having a passion, achieving an accomplishment.

I will one day leave my mark in this world. I think although still very naive and opinionated, that I am strong, willed enough to push through these obstacles I set for myself. Conquer your mind and you can conquer the world.

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Nothing new.

Besides what seemed like my whole life crashing down, I seem to have regained my balance. I went this whole week with great work outs and fantastic eating. This weekend, though, was a different story. I wanted to have 2 cheat meals, instead I practically ate shitty the entire time. Today, I am regretting the entire thing. I am feeling like complete crap. My stomach is hurting and I can’t seem to take enough medicine to help it. This vicious cycle of clean eating, turn binge is causing a lot more damage than keeping me sane. Doing quite the opposite actually. I have said this before and I will say it again, I am going to deal with the consequences but I will no longer beat myself up. Though I feel like I look like shit on top of actually feeling like shit, I need to KEEP, not even take, but keep my head out of my ass. I see what this does to me, yet do this all the time. When will I ever learn?

Starting tomorrow, Monday I am adding two (30-45) minutes of cardio in a week. I will keep my calories at about 2000 to ensure energy through out this process. I was actually contemplating whether I should do more work (cardio) or take down my calories. All of a sudden, I see a post from Erin Stern that very day speaking out about what she does. It makes the most sense. Do more work, keeping energy up for that work, then when time comes, take a few hundred calories off a day. Most likely drop to about 1700 but really all depends on how I look. I am about 3ish months out. If any one has competed knows that magic could happen in that amount of time. Knowing this, I still get bummed out. Summer is over and I wasn’t at my tip-top shape. I wasn’t happy to be in a bikini. Although, I know I looked okay, I didn’t feel great. It’s a little disappointing. But let me tell you, if I wasn’t competing, I would have stepped my game up. I would have done cardio more than once a week, and most likely dropped my calories down to look good. I didn’t want that.

But I struggle each and every day knowing that I completely 100% do.

It is so easy telling everyone around you to trust the process, but damn if it’s not easier said than done…. I look at myself and see so much that needs to be done but in due time. I just want to be lean already!!!! Its frustrating. You know what you could look like and what it’s going to take to get there, yet you look in the mirror and need to say, alright.. one day at a time. It WILL happen. Enjoy this ride..

Really? Thats almost as bad as baking brownies and needing to wait till they cool down to eat them.

Fail.

I feel like this process never gets any easier. This is literally a full-time job and I am getting burnt out. Thats why I took a week off last week, and now I have missed 2 work outs because of it. I feel lazy and unimpressed with my progress. I am consumed with looking and feeling good and its something that I have yet to control. This is not only my hobby, but my job. It is like i know nothing else. Dealing with eating disorders and insecurities it has now merged and become one with my life. If I feel fat, my whole day and attitude is ruined. I take it out on other people in which I apologize, but who really gets affected by this, is myself. I am bipolar as all hell. No, not medically diagnosed, but its a no brainer. I eat shit because of my fuck it attitude, I cry because I then feel like I ruined my progress, I work out hard as hell, then get dumped on by some other lifes curveball and I feel like all I do is take it out on myself.

Life is not easy. I feel like it is a constant struggle to keep my head above water, but I will be damned if I give up this fight. Everyday does NOT get easier, you just find ways to cope. I am going to do my best to stay positive. This road to ripped is sure a long haul but I cannot wait for my destination.

 

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Day 81 I want carbs.

“Officially” 2 weeks out.

(“officially” because technically I am 2 weeks out on Saturday, but I won’t be working out or doing much of anything really.. )

How am I feeling?  Like I want to get this all over with so I can finally breathe and think about something other then myself.  Not even that.. I am stalking the SHIT out of people who are competing and currently dieting for shows, and I am continuously comparing myself and that’s the LAST thing anyone should do, competing or not. 2 weeks. I can do this. It’s been over 2 months, and I am bitching about 2 weeks left? I need to get my head out of my ass.

The Food Log/ The Workout..

I ate great all day, a little less then I would of liked in the morning but no big deal. I did “overeat” by eating a piece of chicken and 1/2 a turkey burger but I suppose it was 2 hours after my last feeding, so I’ll leave the validation there.

I didn’t do morning cardio, but I went to the gym with Taylor at 830pm.

We did a little chest, then went and did 4 rounds of jump squats, bosu jumps, and advanced planks.

Then finished with 3 sets of planks, and 60 minutes of cardio.

Day 81 in Pictures..

  1. After the kids went to school, I made breakfast at my bosses house.. (spinach tasted like ass).
  2. I had to fight like hell and fighting like hell made me what I am.
  3. Whole Foods- Second run of the day.. (first trip cost me $25 for lunch), this one was about $52.. Detox tea, lemon, cranberry juices are for the detox in a week… coconut milk (for amazing whipping cream later), and about 3lbs of meat 🙂
  4. Protein Pancake (Just muscleegg and pb2).
  5. 1000 followers on Instagram ❤
  6. Taylors doggie.
  7. My mom grilled for me while I was away burning calories 🙂

So today was a little long, tomorrow will be even longer.. Had to leave at 630am to take my bosses kids to school. Missed cardio in the morning, but I WAS DEAD. and you know what.. I don’t care, obviously my body needed it.. because I would of been up regardless of how unhappy I may be at the time. Anywho did my day to day shit and got home around 630pm because I stopped at Whole Foods to get some meat for my mom to grill while I work out.  I did go to Libertyville Xsport to meet up with Taylor (who is literally going to be my new best friend), got into a little drama* and was in bed by midnight. Then knocked the FUCK out.

* My ex co workers boyfriend went up to Taylor and started a little small talk with her regarding something about tanning (idk I was working out, so I only heard a little bit of the convo).. so while on the treadmill I saw him again, so it reminded me to text her since I haven’t heard from her in awhile.. the convo went a little like this..

Hey, youre boyfriend is at xsport!
Her: Who is this new phone sorry
Marissa
Her: oh hey! which one?
Libertyville
Her: Did he say anything to you?
No to my friend though
Her: Oh being flirty?
no, just something about tanning I dont know..
Her: Oh okay, so how are you……. blahblahblah

Taylor and I were walking out and as we split ways, I see Nicole’s boyfriend sitting on the curb, and as soon as he sees me he comes up to me, IN MY FACE, and starts bitching at me because I’m causing drama and I said that he was flirting with Taylor and all this fucking bullshit. I was like WTF? I was like are you for real right now? Grow the fuck up. I didn’t do or say shit except  hey your boyfriend is at X sport. Told her you didn’t do shit, check her phone you fucking pansy (insert a SHIT ton more foul language).. I was so pissed at this point.. then he says something like “I don’t want to see you back here.” Are you fucking kidding me right now? UNbelieveable. Lmfao.

Yeah, great relationship that must be.

Anywho.. hope everyone stayed true to themselves and their goals today!

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