Tag Archives: School

Scholarship essay. Learning.

Writing an essay means researching the topic. Luckily for some, the topic is on oneself. With that being said, I’ve currently written this essay a dozen times and still can’t manage to save a draft. Writing about something so close to me, makes me come off as cheesey and that’s the last thing I want. I want people to read this and feel the passion that I have for the health (fitness) and the wellness field. Hopefully you can tell by the end of this what has motivated me, why I myself could use the help and how I will help not only the community I live in, but as many people everywhere that I can.

I’ve been working as a personal trainer for about 5 years now, and in doing so, I’ve realized how truly amazing it is to impact someone’s life. Someone who may be battling the same demons I once did. I may be living paycheck to paycheck, but I’m helping people help themselves, and no amount of money could bring the same amount of joy. I’ve struggled with finding myself worth, wondering if I can actually make a difference. Know a days, everyone is a trainer or some sort of guru. I, for one, want to stand out. I don’t just want to fall in the cracks of this every growing industry, preaching anything just to make a few dollars. Being a trainer for as long as I have, I now know that this isn’t just physical. That there is no magic pill, that every part of this process is mental and emotional. In order for me to help the way I need to help, I need to be taught. I attend classes taught by people like Frank Ardito, and it gives me goose bumps. The knowledge that these people possess is overwhelming, yet so admirable. All I want is to be able to teach and bring knowledge to those who truly want it. Who want help to understand what is truly going on inside of them. What has given me hope in becoming who I’m meant to be has been continuing my education. Although, I didn’t go to college right after high school, I knew what I wanted to become. I knew I was going to be in the fitness industry for the rest of my life, and it still stands true today. The people I meet, the lives they’ve said I’ve helped change, the relationships, the success, the failures, the knowledge; it’s all been my motivation. It’s the guilt from not doing everything I could to attend college post high school, which has put my dreams on hold. I know it may sound like an excuse, but it’s the truth. Without a proper education, I feel like I am not giving everything I can to my clients. People want to see that you know what you are talking about, so I want to feel like I know what I am talking about. Like Albert Einstein once said, “Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” I want to be taught the things I need to know, because as much as I feel my personal experiences help greatly, I can’t be naïve to the fact that I have a lot to learn.

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning- Jiddu Krishnamurti”. I may not have much, I may be 25 still living at home, I may feel stuck most days, but what I do have is the ability to see past the struggles, and understand that each day I continue to do what I was meant to do, is going to have such a great return in the end.

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Redo

I can’t seem to get the words out. I keep erasing shit.

5th time now.

I have a lot on my mind. 6th time.

7th time. I don’t know. Came back from Wisconsin with the boy and his father and it wasn’t as awkward as I expected. 8th. The language barrier issue wasn’t really bothersome. I love his family and I want that to be known, but sometimes its hard not understanding the language they speak. I feel rude and disrespectful, more so left out 😦 But it is what it is and I am slowly learning to deal with things without making an issue first. However, I have to say that even if I do get mad I have like a rebound rate of like 60sec-60min lol. So, it could always be worse!

right…?

Came back friday night, with only one day of fishing. The boy and I slept in till 2pm on friday and his dad got to pissed to go out that late so we just went home. I was down to just drill a hole and fish standing up lol but I think it was his mom’s birthday party that night. As long as he wasn’t too upset, I was alright. Got home and the next night went to the boys work party. I knew most of the people there so it was nice to see them again. However I suck at life and got a super sickening feeling in my gut. As soon as I turn and look some chick is starring me down like we had prior beef type shit. I turn to him and ask him if she worked with him, and he said yes. Like, wtf. I don’t know. I instantly flipped. We got a table to ourselves and I told him I wanted to leave. I wanted to go, he was more than welcome to stay but I couldn’t be in that situation. He told me I have nothing to worry about but I mean come on. I’m secure as fuck, you’ve put me thru some bs before, and she was the only person I wasn’t introduced too. Just all too much to handle sometimes. I may “overreact” but I am simply just explaining my feelings. They are sudden and uncontrollable as far as I know. Trust me, I don’t want to keep feeling like this! What it boils down to, in regards to porn, checking out another chick, awkward stares in front of your girlfriend, I am just jealous of the attention given. All I want is you in like a little fucking bubble. No, NO ONE! lmfao!! Creep fucking status right here.

I just needed a little more time to build this trust then I was given. I was just thrown into a different situation, all too fast, and told to just, “trust”.

Holy shit.

and its like I can’t even explain the feelings I have because they wouldn’t make sense. I try to explain and I just end up babbling. So I just randomly stop and say never mind. Or I get embarrassed that I’m talking so much and leave the other person speechless. Like all I do is talk about his and I’s relationship. Yes, I could probably validate them somehow, blame it on daddy issues or something but I don’t care for that bullshit. I just want to know how I can control them, how I can live with them if all else fails. Having little trust, less communication, and more distance, yea I don’t really think that sounds like the recipe for success in anything really, let alone a relationship… I just can’t fucking grip this simple concept of having faith, accepting the idea that everything will happen regardless of my actions, thoughts or feelings.

That I simply, have z e r o control outside of myself.

So why not work on me? Why not dedicate the time that I spend on worrying on actually doing something good for myself? From working out consistently and meeting my goals, to continuing my education so I can feel secure as a woman not needing the dependency from others. Why not focus on what I AM doing, how I AM feeling? Why not put myself first?

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well hello there.. *waves*

So as you obviously may know it is not the 13th (the day I said I would return), but I just approved a comment from a lovely person asking me to not give up and continue blogging about my experience (and it put the BIGGEST smile on my face), so I just might.

I do have a lot 3 different posts that are just sitting in my all posts section either waiting to be posted or perhaps may sit unpublished forever (who knows). However I think it is a good idea to blog about my last week of contest prep since the last two are probably the most important.

In an unpublished post I explained my reasoning behind stopping the blog for a moment, but since this one will be sent out first I’ll explain again.. The reason I was put this blog on hold was because I had no time. The time that I did have in between other things, I was closing my eyes to try and get minutes of something I think people call sleep. This last week are my finals, so I had a 12 page paper due Friday. I wrote it but I never turned it in. Why? because I hate the teacher and I am going to take the class over again. I have a homework assignment due today (sunday), a 3 hour exam on Monday, a 3 hour exam (that I don’t know If I am going to for psychology) on Wednesday, and my sports nutrition paper due that Wednesday as well. Okay..so this is all happening around the most crucial part of competing. Not to mention I work a 9-5 at a body shop where all I do is babysit, but thats besides the point. I am at the gym at 6am to do cardio, work, class, back to the gym again for a lift and 30-45 min of cardio. You can tell I am drained.

So. Those are my excuses and I apologize. I did find time today (and after I read that beautiful comment), I decided to do a little update status. Granted I believe I will post a little more during the week, but please don’t think they are going to be as detailed as the last ones lol. I never knew blogging actually took as much time as it does.. Oh naive little Marissa.

ALRIGHTY!!!!! So.. down to the last week.

Progress Pictures:

Sorry.. my ab picture isn’t showing up.. its all upside down :/

..and yes my ass did get smaller…….

 

The Food Log:

I will be consuming spinach, broccoli, asparagus, chicken, ground turkey and MAYBE tuna. lol. But yep, hows that for a diet? lol.. and yes this is a “diet” my lifestyle however is NOT. please do not mix and twist my words. Diets suck. My lifestyle is enjoyable.

Check list: Bikini, Heels, Tickets, Bottle of Tanning Lotion, Sponges, Bikini Bite, Fake Eye Lashes.

Still Need:

  • Hotel Reservations.
  • Rental Car.
  • NPC Card.
  • Mac Makeup.
  • Hair cut/dyed.

Everything else will fall into place. This is what the rest of the week looks like..

Monday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam, Gym again.
Tuesday: Early Cardio, Work, Hair Cut, Gym again.
Wednesday: Early Cardio, Work, Final Exam/Paper, Gym again.
Thursday: Early Cardio, Work, Nails, Gym again.
Friday: Early as FUCK cardio (MAYBE), Tan, Check in @ USA gym, do nothing.
Saturday: SHOW TIME! Tan, Makeup, Hair, 1030am Prejuding, 5-6pm Night Show.
Sunday: PIG THE FUCK OUT!
Monday: Back to normal 🙂

So my life is a little hectic, but at least I found time to breathe right? Everything is going alright I suppose. The bikini is a little small for my doing, but I will just rock it anyways (spent $150 on it and its non returnable lol).. really just wanting this all to be over so I can go back to my normal way of living lol. I am just now always on a schedule and I have NO time to even take a step back and calm myself (which isn’t good.. stress= cortisol)..

but I have been thinking ALOT about after the show.

I am really hard on myself, and with my past of bingeing I have always let myself go after a contest prep. Some do, some don’t, but this year I won’t. I am healthier and stronger and wiser then last year. I did this just to do it, but NO award, no trophy, not even placing won’t do a damn thing to how I will live my life after all this. I usually ALWAYS need a reason to “diet”.. oh I’m  training for a show, or even it being the beginning of a new week, I just always needed a reason.. well.. not anymore.. Living how I have been living for these past 3 months has changed something in me.. something that has been wrong for awhile. I FEEL my work outs in the gym. I squeeze my muscles and actually feel the power when I lift the weights, it is so stress relieving. These endorphins are incredible. I love feeling how I feel when I am working out, or even just feeling healthy. It is SUCH a difference, and this is coming from someone who HATED themselves years ago. Time changes a lot of things, so does actually caring about yourself/body.

Anywho, that was a quick update for y’all.. I am sure I will be posting more (the last few days you don’t really do much but lay around because your energy is so low).. but I do want everyone to know that you can do this. Trust me.. it was 3 months of solid hard work, but when I show you these pictures that NO ONE has ever seen before (and yes they will probably get used against me some time in this cyber world which is OKAY with me), you will understand what I am talking about. I was FAT. No joke… and yes it wasn’t always rainbows and butterflies but this is the outcome of hard work. The food did not suck (just be smart, healthy doesn’t have to mean shitty tasting!!!), but getting up and HAVING to move and sweat and burn, did. Working out isn’t always fun and you sometimes may not want to, but the rewards that come when you do are so worth it. Just remember.. it didn’t take a day to put it on, so be patient.

Thanks guys for all the love and support. ❤

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Day 72 Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

Okay so I apologize that yesterdays (or what you got today) was pointless.. Mondays and Wednesdays are SUPER draining as it is, and then you add training and  “dieting” and its like wtf. So I was having a semi nervous breakdown this morning (no thanks to my mother, but thats another time), and it seem to carry on to about mid morning. Stupid things were going wrong.. its like I couldn’t fully function lol. I am adding some more carbs (SLIGHTLY nothing drastic, just 1/4 c dry oats after a strenuous working).. I am realizing in class just how important they are, and how few weeks you should go without them. Now don’t get me wrong, I knew carbs (COMPLEX = GREAT CARBS), were good for you (just like GOOD FATS ARE TOO!!!!), but didn’t know how much. Now it does differ with everyone. Honestly, I could tell you what I do, and you guys read what I do, but everyone is different and may not work for you. You could be trying harder than I am and vice versa.. or I ate a few (shit ton) more almonds than you… lol.. there is always going to be different factors (even BMR lololol jk ill shut up now..), but in the end, I think the point is clear…

..GET MOVING AND QUIT EATING SHIT!

Guys sorry for all the rambling but since my instagram account is kinda blowing up a bit, I have been receiving a few questions (which is awesome obviously), but it’s simple and PLEASE do not get into all the equations and shananagins..Do you honestly think that Mcdonald’s is benefiting your weight loss goals? Do your part and make choices that will positively affect your life. You are what you eat remember.. Sorry.. I don’t want to be a piece of shit.

The Food Log

All liquids DRANK! (water and 1 1/2 powerades)

 830am Protein Shake (Dymatize, 1/2 water, 1/2 muscle egg, some PB2, ice)

1130am 10…turned into 12-14 almonds. lol (SEE extra calories..so I drank some tea and water a little longer for an actual meal because it seemed to have helped the cravings for food.

230pm Chicken Asparagus MUSTARD!!

505pm Chicken and Mustard and I think 10 more almonds lmfao… sorry.

9pm Protein Shake (Dymatize, Pb2, 1/4c oatmeal, ice) <– LOVE.

The Workout

Incline Chest Press (sat by the 2 cuter boys of the gym on accident).

Took 25’s started and had to put them back.. way to easy…

30 (wanted 35lbs but the whole stack of weights was empty :/)

30lbs x 15 x 1
30lbs x 12 x 2
30lbs x 8 x  1

Then I kind of stopped and looked around because EVERYTHING was taken… I decided that I was going to do triceps and chest (which WORKS out perfectly, because in most excerises you use the same muscles), but because I seemed to have lacked them last work out. So I was looking around and no chest or tricep machine was open.. okay so I was thinking of what to do to improvise, till I notice the free motion “ish” machine was open, and as I was walking up I thought someone said something and I looked back and it was the 2 cuties and he was like “oh, I didn’t say anything” and I apologized and then he asked if I was going to the machine (I was walking up too), and then asked if I wanted to super set with all of them. I don’t normally do that but it was awesome because he spotted me on a few I would have never of gotten. It felt AWESOME… but I have no one to lift with.. :/ lol anywho

Cable Flyes

50lbs x 12 x 1
50lbs x 8 x 1
80lbs x 4 x 1
105lbs x 0 x 0 lol. I couldn’t even more it… so I was like… I;m leaving. And I walked away into the yoga rooms.

Plyo Time.. 

Box Jumps. Jump Squats. Tricep (BW) Dips.

10 x 10 x 20 x 4

then

5 Min Planks*Arms were killing right here….*

then I left and went to the pec dec 🙂

40-65lbs 8-10 reps

30 Min Stairmaster – Interval HIIT (kinda…..)

Day 72 in Pictures..

  1. My Powerade problem lol.
  2. Want some asparagus with that mustard?
  3. Post Workout Munchie… (salt free cake, protein almond butter, coconut shreds).
  4. Just leaves it out so I can see it… :/
  5. Greek yogurt (plain), mixed with a packet of stevia, and a dollop of PB.. omg. I want to try!!!

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Day 62 Bikini Challenge

So fuck it. I was going to do this blog solely on my bikini choices.. But I think I am just going to go with this one, except the diamonds will be a black chain..

I really wanted pink.. Then I really wanted blue.. UGH…… fuck it.. I need to order this asap.

Update. I fucking just spent two hours with my home dawn going over bikinis. Remember when I posted before, LONNNNGGGGGGGG AGOOOOOOO, it was Jennifer Stano’s bikini and it was oh so sexy. well, I had recently seen her website fell in love with her then randomly found her on instagram one day. I commented on something regarding the bikini lol and she told me it wasn’t being produced at the moment.

Major 😦

So any who after she requested to follow me (I was on private, but YAY!!), I stalked her pictures and she has probably one of the best styles I have ever come across. Any who… I really wanted this bikini and was super stressing. So we decided to do a little spin off (I was going to do the same style but suitsyouswimwear doesn’t have a thick black chain) and give her credit in some way (inspired by..Jennifer blah you get it).. but we changed a thing or two.. (still give MAJOR credit to her and still will) but heres a pic to understand a little bit..

Pretty much the only thing that is really different is I am going to have a gold chain instead of black 😦 I really wanted black.. but the chain is a tad different. We were originally going to do the navy blue with the gold, then I went back to the coral then got super stressed… any who. I got it under control. I still have to wait to take my measurements (and def paying extra in shipping as a cause of me being the procrastinator of the year).. But just so every can see what I am dealing with.. these are the two colors. It is pretty much Jennifers cut of bikini, with the chain, but either the gold chain (because I don’t have the black in that cut), with the coral or the navy blue. Just picture it please. lol.

The Food Log

11am (yes this is the time I woke up, 1030 to be exact lol)… had my liquid egg whites and a artichoke 🙂
230pm Chipotle. One of my last days at chiptole lol.. 😦 aweee man.
530pm Made some lace cookies that failed. Also made black bean brownies.. Will try those in an hour or so…
715pm Don’t know what I am going to go make, but trying one of those brownies.. oh boy.

I didn’t look at the time but I have eaten another 3oz of steak, 1/2c corn, 1 rice cake, 2 tbs protein pb, and 3 strawberries. I don’t want to get rid of my almond butter and fruit…. but were getting closer lol. eeeeeeeek!

The Work Out

Deadlifts

60lbs x 12 reps x 2
80lbs x 8-10reps x 2

Lunges

60lbs x 20reps x 5=

100 TOTAL LUNGES!

Planks. Bosu Ball. Jump Squats. 10 minutes.

Abduction/abbduction.

Day 62 in Pictures..

  1. Finally tried my muscle egg..okay had my mother try it first but it was pretty good and super convenient.
  2. Also had an artichoke (with olive oil and garlic dipping sauce) thanks to Jenna Marbles
  3. Post Work Out (legs) Killed it. Second to last chipotle meal for a month.
  4. Take home exam.
  5. Lmfao. Ill post this recipe, but I believe this picture was before, not after (not like it would of mattered) but you should see them now. They did NOT turn out and I have no idea why. I followed everything except adding the vanilla. So I put them in a container. They hardened up a bit and I tried them again and OMG. They taste awesome. Its pretty much just almonds and cocoa powder haha so not THAT bad for you, but I am addicted. I don’t know what I did wrong but I hope to do it again. This time I think I will just cook it like brownies (and not shape them like cookies because they didn’t even hold together).
  6. So since that was a failure, I tried to do black bean brownies.
  7. But they taste like ass. No joke. They said to add 2 WHOLE BANANAS!!! ( I only added 1 and 1/2 and you can SMELL THE BANANAS IN THEM!!!!!!!) ugh lol.. but I got high and came home (and since its the weekend/cheat meal I didn’t care) cut a slice and cut up a strawberry and warmed it all up and it was awesome. lol. but not cold. cold they taste like shit.
  8. I made this for a meal (but 2 steaks) ate one, my mom ate 1/2 and I ate the other 1/2 when I came home. I literally had a buffet in front of me.
  9. What my fridge/freezer looks like (only bc I keep throwing shit away and my mom hasn’t noticed yet).
  10. Competition throw back 🙂

So today was a good day. Went to the gym, had a nice leg work out. Enjoyed lunch by myself to clear my head before my take home exam. Did that, graded it and without the 3 written questions I got like 4 wrong. Ol well. Baked a little, did some laundry. Was going to do another set of cardio but I was running out of time (excuses) and I simply didn’t want to. I gave myself the weekend to take a few deep breaths in order to start Monday off with a bang. Monday is going to be super long. Will get more into that tomorrow (Sunday, yes I know you are reading this on sunday.. Remember blogs will always be a day off lol)… but yeah chilled, mike came over and helped me with my bikini deciding. Still don’t know if I am going to keep that color but I think it’ll be good.. Fuck. Now that I am writing about it I am thinking about it more.. O m g. Should I do the coral color or the blue color with the gold chains????

So look at the bikini up top (in the coral/pink color on JS) and picture it with gold chains. Yes,? No?

Now picture that bikini in this royal blue, with the GOLD chains.. yes? no? but look how cute royal blue and gold look……

 

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

❤ ❤ ❤ Enjoy your weekend!!

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Day 17 There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

— Beverly Sills


Hard work, dedication, and the ability to stay positive through ups and the downs.  No shortcuts.

If you can imagine it, do it. You will never regret it.

745am I’m running late, because I stayed up a bit later then I would of liked too.. I’m throwing on any clothes that I think would look reasonable and that actually match (I’ve walked out with 2 different boots before, luckily both were black). While I was getting ready I realized that I felt good. My sweater fitted a little looser, and my thighs look like they are thinning out. I mean.. I would hope I see results considering its been 2 weeks.

HOWEVER! This is important to people weight training. PLEASE.. PLEASE DO NOT use the scale for weight loss progress. You will feel defeated EVERY TIME (especially people with disorders and OCD). Just because you weigh more on the scale doesn’t mean exercising and eating right isn’t doing anything. Muscle weighs more then fat. I promise, just keep going.

830am Finished my protein shake in the morning on my way to work.. I work 45 min away from home, so I have a lot of time to think. I usually am such a basket case that I can never had a finished thought, but I’m trying to understand weight loss, and why so many people refuse to change.

Is it because we don’t like change? Or we don’t like change when it comes to ourselves? Is it because food is just so DAMN good? No motivation? No reason too? Don’t care? Too lazy? Not enough time?

Well.. everyone does everything because of something =D

Smokers smoke cigs because they are addicted to nicotine.  Alcoholics drink alcohol because they are addicted to it. Anorexics don’t eat because they are afraid of the image starring back at them.. Bulimics puke because they want there cake and ….well you know.  Men eat whatever they want because they assume metabolism means fatty foods don’t have the same effect as they do for everyone else.

  1. Heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes doesn’t care if you have a fast metabolism and don’t gain weight from that double cheeseburger extra fry from Mcdonalds, everyday.
  2. Eating like shit only hurts you.
  3. Healthy eating doesn’t have to suck.
  4. STOP BEING LAZY!

Not enough time? Why use that excuse? I don’t give a rats ass what you do all damn day, if you have 24 hours to breathe, you have 24 hours to get your life back. I can understand to an EXTENT but I am gone for 10 hours a day, go to class for 2 and 1/2 hours, and work out everyday AND make my food for each meal from SCRATCH ALL NATURAL FOODS. soo….. what the fuck?

It’s fine though, I’m not here to preach, I am just trying to understand this ridiculous thought process. I just know more then half of the people out there don’t like how they look naked, but a small majority of those people will actually do something about it.

It’s like if they don’t see results in 3 days they don’t think anythings working.. Well my friend, it took more then 3 days to put it on didn’t it?
Exactly.

Am I the only one that thinks this is common sense?

Maybe it’s not, but hey that’s why I’m here right? To teach people how to live healthy.

I’m sorry. I guess it just bugs me. If you are going to complain about the way you look, or treat people with disrespect because YOU AREN’T HAPPY with yourself, do everyone a favor and cut it out. You can be happy too. I mean who wouldn’t want to love themselves?

Am I being ignorant here? Honestly? I know people can love themselves at any weight and as long as YOU ARE happy and healthy I think you can be whatever size your little heart pleases to be, but if you constantly fight an upward battle with yourself PLEASE ask for help. You have to want to change in order to accept the help, but any step towards a better you is a step worth taking.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

I have these quote hanging in my room and its so beautiful I smiled when it fit perfectly here.. And its true. I honestly cringe to think about all the hate in this world and how people are living day to day in such depression. I have been to the lowest lows, and thought things would never get better. Obviously I was wrong. I’m here today with a huge smile and such passion for life now it makes me giddy just thinking about how things have changed AND HOW THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR YOU TOO! You just have to believe that, and it’s the honest to God’s truth. I hope from reading my blog I can make you believe in yourself. I can’t make you change, but I can help with the understanding that you can do what you set your heart to do ❤

ANNNNNDDDDDDD that’s that. LOL.

941am & I am already starving. Awesome. I had 1/4 of a coconut cream pie Lara Bar when I was walking in and now I’m drinking tea till 10am, when I have to take a retarded class to set shit up for work. Then I have to study Chapter 8 in between breaks today because I don’t actually think I know anything about chapter 8. Maybe I’ll get lucky on the multiple choice 😉

Because I am online ALL the time during work, I found a bad ass recipe for a RAW BROWNIE w/ 5 ingredients. Fucking AWESOME.

The Raw Brownie
Ingredients:
2 cups whole walnuts
2 ½ cups Medjool dates, pitted
1 cup raw cacao
1 cup raw unsalted almonds, roughly chopped
¼ tsp. sea salt

Directions:
1. Place walnuts in food processor and blend on high until the nuts are finely ground.
2. Add the cacao and salt. Pulse to combine.
3. Add the dates one at a time through the feed tube of the food processor while it is running. What you should end up with is a mix that appears rather like cake crumbs, but that when pressed, will easily stick together (if the mixture does not hold together well, add more dates).
4. In a large bowl (or the pan you plan on putting the brownies in), combine the walnut-cacao mix with the chopped almonds. Press into a lined cake pan or mold. Place in freezer or fridge until ready to serve (it is also easier to cut these when they are very cold). Store in an airtight container.

My New Roots

I can NOT wait to try this ❤

2pm I FINALLY ATE! I was on a conference call for 2 hours, trying to set these credit card terminals up. One would work the other wouldn’t.. I then had to do one 4 times over entering ZD&YQ7&YF% lol over and over, pressing enter.. fuck.. then I had to go pick up a car 30 min away.. then go to my bank to pull money out (dont know where the fuck my debit cards are again…..), then headed to whole foods. LOL. I am so bad :/

Blackened Chicken Breast and Zucchini AND half of a lara bar (:)

Holy shit still haven’t studied.

Did I mention I work next to a huge bread factory?

Do you know how good fresh bread smells?

F
M
L

It’s 9:22pm. I wasn’t even going to finish this blog tonight because I am so unhappy.

  1. I totally failed my test
  2. I exceeded my calorie intact

Fuck #1 I don’t even care. It was bogus but what the fuck with #2 really????

I ate myself retarded in peanut butter and had some tuna then later I went down to eat cranberries. I just didn’t want to stop.  WAIT OMG! AND I HAD SWEET POTATOES TOO! It wasn’t really anything it was more so I was bored, and maybe SLIGHTLY FUCKING PISSED. I’m not completely upset where I’d ruin everything I worked for but I am not happy with myself AND I came home early enough to work out and I didn’t.

So I am going to bed, otherwise I will just keep eating. 😦

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