Tag Archives: Sleep

Day 92 – Tuesday 5/8 (Last week).

So it is Tuesday, May 8..

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.” -Peter Marshal

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oddly the days aren’t flying by like I imagined. It seems like everything has been working out in the smallest ways, therefore making life a LITTLE less stressful.  Granted I just finished a 3 hour exam and have been getting up religiously for morning cardio. The only thing I would say that I am stressing about is losing my ass even more then I have, and getting my period (TMI but I kinda feel it coming. Oh but a little FYI this happened last show too haha).. The only thing that sucks about that is bloating.. and holding water.. this = DISASTER..

 

 

Any who.. at this point, it is what it is. My favorite quote, and something I say almost daily to myself. Its a reminder that we cannot change somethings and I do believe that everything happens for a reason (STRONG believer in this).  I am just going to take this as another thing to check off that I accomplished, something that I trained for for months, something I worked damn hard at (and sometimes not so much HAHA)..  This has been a learning experience for me. As most of you may already know I have struggled with body image for quite some time now. I use to follow what everyone else was doing, and doing shit to my body that I would be ashamed of now. I did whatever I could to look good outside, so I could feel good inside. Little did I know, that was the entire battle. A pointless one. One I wouldn’t win unless I stopped fighting AGAINST the one person I was trying to love all along, myself.  I have eaten next to nothing for days, I have also binged more then one would admit too, I have taken numerous amounts of diet pills, yes I have done a lot in the 23 years I have been living. But growing up hating yourself is a full time job and I am sick of it. It makes me feel uncomfortable, ugly, useless, worthless, and then I turn mean. More so because I am sad inside, but because I am upset with myself. I feel like I failed. How can food be controlling my every move?

Because I allowed it.

No more guys. I sit here with my belly rumbling and 1/2 gallon water sitting next to me. These are different conditions. I am on the last week of my 3 month training regimen, about to walk the stage in 6 inch heels and a bikini in front of hundreds of people, and 4 judges about to critique MY BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No this isn’t for everyone. Trust me.

It is more mentally challenging then it is physically. The first one I trained for I was shocked. The changes your body goes through and how your brain tries to follow along just gets demanding and you’re left confused. You have to have a happy place and I hope that happy place isn’t balls deep in a bag of Doritos. I don’t believe this was a good decision (regarding competing) in each of my situations only because I wasn’t healthy. I wasn’t ready mentally or emotionally but I did it because in my mind I needed a “goal”. I needed a time limit so I couldn’t make excuses (how’d that work out for me..). But now after this (which surprisingly I have the best attitude towards it then I ever have), I feel so much stronger. Yes I can lift a lot but I mean inside. I feel like I finally have control. Food is fuel = energy. Use it as such. Yes there is a lot of tasty foods out there and yes I think everything is okay in moderation, but why have copious amounts of fat on your body at all times?

Nothing good comes out of it.. PROVE ME WRONG I DARE YOU!

and if you tell me you don’t give a shit and you just want to enjoy food because it tastes good, fine but I can ONLY imagine what you think when you see yourself naked. Honestly.

Alright followers this is a little update/ inside my mind for ya..

Today’s schedule-

7am 30min Cardio
9-5pm Work
7pm Hair cut
830pm Leg Workout + Cardio
1030pm Sports Nutrition Project
11pm Bed

The Food Log

8am 1/4cup Oatmeal, with a 1/2 scoop protein powder, and 1/2 grapefruit.
1130am 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
230pm 1/2 chicken breast with asparagus
500pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)
800pm Some kind of protein
11pm Brown Rice Tuna Avocado Sushi Roll (4)

Just a few pictures because we know how I love to take them..

  1. What I had yesterday morning for breakfast. Awesome  ya?
  2. My meals and snack for the work hours.
  3. What my fridge looks like (see upside down again.. wtf).

The Work Out

Don’t even know. Having Taylor there should help keep my energy up (since I don’t have any)..
All I really know is we are going to be squatting A LOT.. that and lunging like we’ve never lunged before..

Should I tell her how sore she is going to be? lol.

Final Week Check List (cont)..

  • Finalizing hotel today.
  • Picked up Mac foundation, lip gloss, and eyelashes.
  • Need to buy ice packs for coolers.

Other then that, I don’t really need anything else. Everything will just happen as each day passes.. Like tomorrow might be the only day where I don’t have an appointment somewhere.. I just have my final project due for my nutrition class.. But Thursday I have a late nail appointment and that’s when I will be checking into the hotel.. Only a couple more workouts and then Friday after my tan I will just chill all day probably flexing.

HA!

Alright I am going to get back to work and hopefully things continue to stay peachy.

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Day 42 I’m strong because I know what its like to be weak.

10am Got up laid around with Marley for a little bit…. Didn’t eat till about noon.

1230ish Made steak and eggs but gave Marley most of the eggs.. I didn’t care for them at much.. Had a few slices of pineapple as well.

Decided that I could NOT go to the gym until my blog was finished lol. But WordPress is being pretty gay.. said my post was published when people were already commenting on it… and the pictures were suddenly not there any more 😦 so now I feel all fucked up.

Doing Hamstrings/ Glutes today 🙂

120pm Stomach is fucking hurting again. No flax no nothing.. I think it may of been the pineapple.. what the fuck. :(:( not good.

OHHHHHH and forgot! Made tofu brownies last night.. they weren’t bad at all but I really want to make the black bean brownies now.. I have a feeling they might be a WHOLE lot better 🙂

I don’t know where I got this recipe from.. probably from CCK.. but I don’t really know… :/

(Makes 8 brownies)

  • 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup ww pastry flour (or white, or you can try spelt or gluten-free)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1/2 cup sweetener (see link, below, for lower-sugar version)
  • 1.5 oz  soft tofu or mori-nu firm or lite firm (about 1/8 box)
  • 1/3 cup applesauce (use only 1/4 cup if using 3T oil)
  • 1 to 3 T oil (I use coconut oil. Canola is ok too.)
  • 2 T non-dairy milk
  • 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • optional: you can throw in some chocolate chips

Combine dry ingredients, and mix very well. In a blender, combine wet ingredients and blend until smooth. (I use a Magic Bullet cup.) Pour wet over dry and stir, then pour into a 4×6 oiled pan (or double the recipe and use an 8×8). Cook for 12-18 minutes at 325 F. I’m not sure why this is the case, but these brownies seem to taste ten times sweeter if you don’t eat them for at least an hour after they come out of the oven!

My fudgey variation: (Highly recommended!) If you want them extremely fudgey– as in “so gooey you need a fork to eat them”—cook the batter for only 8-10 minutes. Then put the pan in the fridge to cool for at least a few hours.

Went to the gym around 330pm

HAMMMMMIIIEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS DaTTT ASSS!!!!!

Started with

Deadlift

3 sets of 90lbs and then added an outer 20lbs for the last set.

Back EXT

4x10reps 45lbs w 45lb calf raises

Step ups BW with Lunges

3 Sets each 10 each leg for the step up (BW)
3 Sets of 10 each leg (40lb BB)

Planks

5 Minutes total.

Butt Blaster

3 sets of 8 on 40lbs

10min stairmaster

430pm CHIPOTLE!!!!!

Just chillen now.. Really have to study for a test I have Wednesday and need to check what room my new class is because it starts tomorrow :):)

Laundry, and cleaning room. Not to mention my sister left to go back to MN for school last night :/ and we took a cute pic last night 🙂

Suppose to go to see a movie tonight.. but who knows.. I don’t mind staying in I really do want to study its only on chapter 14 and I actually enjoyed that chapter..AND THIS IS THE SECOND FREAKIN TIME IM TAKING PSYCH.

WHY DO ALL THE TEACHERS STINK THAT TEACH PSYCH??? Seriously.. out of ALLLLL fucking people my professor is a sexiest. no THE sexiest.. but against women sexiest and sometimes its ruthless. I literally shake my head sometimes when I sit in that class.. I am just trying to take it week by week with him.. too late to switch and I don’t think I would of anyways.. no big deal…. unless it gets really out of hand then Ill say something but so far its just annoying and I am not the only one whose noticed it… which isn’t good for him but whatever.

6pm– Tried to write my paper. I, right now, have 3 drafts. fml.

830pm-130am I left to go to a movie and didn’t get back till late. Only had a diet coke and some almonds on my way back home.

130-230am Had a tofu brownie and almond butter. Then a handful of flax cookies. lol.

3am Finally fell asleep.

Goodnight ❤

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