Tag Archives: stairmaster

Contest Winners (:

..so there was actually a big miscommunication and since that, I am announcing 5 winners. The winners are listed below however, a good majority of the people leaving responses didn’t leave a full name so I am just copying and pasting what they put. If there is a problem or a question, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment.

  1. Francesca Rodriquez.

  2. Shauna (Obstacle Course).

  3. Blessedwiththunderthighs.

  4. April (16oz of Water Challenge).

  5. Brittany (greenbean).

In order to receive the Heart Rate Monitor, the 5 people listed above need to do 3 things.. Must be following my blog (most important obviously), once that is done, all 5 winners must leave a comment with their city and state. Once all winners follow the above steps I will reply with the email address needed (for slimkicker.com), shipping address will then be taken and prize will be awarded (:

Thank you to everyone who participated and I hope I am blessed with more opportunities to share with my followers, and again thank you to slimkicker.com!

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Day 81 I want carbs.

“Officially” 2 weeks out.

(“officially” because technically I am 2 weeks out on Saturday, but I won’t be working out or doing much of anything really.. )

How am I feeling?  Like I want to get this all over with so I can finally breathe and think about something other then myself.  Not even that.. I am stalking the SHIT out of people who are competing and currently dieting for shows, and I am continuously comparing myself and that’s the LAST thing anyone should do, competing or not. 2 weeks. I can do this. It’s been over 2 months, and I am bitching about 2 weeks left? I need to get my head out of my ass.

The Food Log/ The Workout..

I ate great all day, a little less then I would of liked in the morning but no big deal. I did “overeat” by eating a piece of chicken and 1/2 a turkey burger but I suppose it was 2 hours after my last feeding, so I’ll leave the validation there.

I didn’t do morning cardio, but I went to the gym with Taylor at 830pm.

We did a little chest, then went and did 4 rounds of jump squats, bosu jumps, and advanced planks.

Then finished with 3 sets of planks, and 60 minutes of cardio.

Day 81 in Pictures..

  1. After the kids went to school, I made breakfast at my bosses house.. (spinach tasted like ass).
  2. I had to fight like hell and fighting like hell made me what I am.
  3. Whole Foods- Second run of the day.. (first trip cost me $25 for lunch), this one was about $52.. Detox tea, lemon, cranberry juices are for the detox in a week… coconut milk (for amazing whipping cream later), and about 3lbs of meat 🙂
  4. Protein Pancake (Just muscleegg and pb2).
  5. 1000 followers on Instagram ❤
  6. Taylors doggie.
  7. My mom grilled for me while I was away burning calories 🙂

So today was a little long, tomorrow will be even longer.. Had to leave at 630am to take my bosses kids to school. Missed cardio in the morning, but I WAS DEAD. and you know what.. I don’t care, obviously my body needed it.. because I would of been up regardless of how unhappy I may be at the time. Anywho did my day to day shit and got home around 630pm because I stopped at Whole Foods to get some meat for my mom to grill while I work out.  I did go to Libertyville Xsport to meet up with Taylor (who is literally going to be my new best friend), got into a little drama* and was in bed by midnight. Then knocked the FUCK out.

* My ex co workers boyfriend went up to Taylor and started a little small talk with her regarding something about tanning (idk I was working out, so I only heard a little bit of the convo).. so while on the treadmill I saw him again, so it reminded me to text her since I haven’t heard from her in awhile.. the convo went a little like this..

Hey, youre boyfriend is at xsport!
Her: Who is this new phone sorry
Marissa
Her: oh hey! which one?
Libertyville
Her: Did he say anything to you?
No to my friend though
Her: Oh being flirty?
no, just something about tanning I dont know..
Her: Oh okay, so how are you……. blahblahblah

Taylor and I were walking out and as we split ways, I see Nicole’s boyfriend sitting on the curb, and as soon as he sees me he comes up to me, IN MY FACE, and starts bitching at me because I’m causing drama and I said that he was flirting with Taylor and all this fucking bullshit. I was like WTF? I was like are you for real right now? Grow the fuck up. I didn’t do or say shit except  hey your boyfriend is at X sport. Told her you didn’t do shit, check her phone you fucking pansy (insert a SHIT ton more foul language).. I was so pissed at this point.. then he says something like “I don’t want to see you back here.” Are you fucking kidding me right now? UNbelieveable. Lmfao.

Yeah, great relationship that must be.

Anywho.. hope everyone stayed true to themselves and their goals today!

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Day 69 <–lol

I love saturday mornings. Actually I love the weekend period, not having an alarm clock needed to be set is an AMAZING feeling and I value the time I have left with this peace.

Not just in general say, come monday, but when I actually have responsibilities later in life with kids. A Facebook friend and a cute little blogger is about to give birth probably any day now. Its super excited watching her grow and buy kids clothes ext (I don’t know where any of this is coming from). Btw I bought her something cute off etsy (which I have fallen in love with), and I just need to send it out. But yeah going back to my little rant, I appreciate my mornings I have to lay in bed and get that extra stretch in without needing to check the time. 🙂

So thank you God.

*belly is rumbling* and its 1036am.

But I have already been up and done an hour of cardio on the stair master.

The Food Log

930am Protein Shake (Dymatize, Muscleegg, a little water, PB2, Ice).
130pm Lean Ground Turkey w/ broccoli.
4pm 6oz Filet  Mignon w/ Asparagus.
8pm 2 Chicken slices w/ Asparagus and 1/2cup Muscleegg.
11pm Muscleegg (1/2 cup or so).

The Work Out

815am 45min Cardio on stairmaster (this was actually a personal challenge and it hurt).

550pm Started with Lying Chest Press/ Flye

30lbs x 12 x 2 w/ 15lbs x 10x 2
30lbs x 10 x 2 w/ 15lbs x 8 x 2 

Incline Chest Press

20lbs x 10 x 3
15lbs x 10 x 3

Plyo Work

20 (left and right count as one) Bosu Ball Jumps
1:30 min Planks w/
25 BW Jump Squats  x 4

so another 100 squats lol….

then the leg abducter/adducter
100-130lbs x 25 x 4

Cable Chest Flye x 4

45 Min Cardio

Day 69 in Pictures..

  1. Cant really see her, but thats what I wake up too.
  2. 60 Minutes of the Stairmaster. Awesome.
  3. Tanning Lotions, couldn’t help it.
  4. OMFG FOOD!
  5. Marley thinking she owns shit.
  6. Marleys Toys ❤
  7. Marley loving her toys/treats ❤
  8. My photoshopped ass.
  9. Post Work out.
  10. My favorite beggar.

So today was suppose to be laid back but like always my life is one big schedule. Worked out early (8am), showered, blogged, tanned, got food to grill, got Marley presents, prepared food, cooked food, worked out again, ate food again, back in bed. Lol. Uh….. well.. that should do it 🙂

She is my favorite. Miss Prestin

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Day 57 Motivation Monday!

*Yes I know my blogs are a day behind, but they will always be a day behind (considering how late I train/eat).

*9-5pm Work  (Autowerks)

6pm-850pm Class (Sports Nutrition)

915pm-1040pm Work out (BACK ATTACK!)

Motivation
Ambition, Goals

Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It’s the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It’s the crucial element in setting and attaining goals—and research shows you can influence your own levels of motivation and self-control. So figure out what you want, power through the pain period, and start being who you want to be.


FOOD LOG

(sorry the screen shot picture wasn’t working)

830am Banana split protein shake

1030am Almonds (20)

1pm Steak w broccoli

5pm Chicken Breast

7pm Flaxseed “cookies”

10pm MINI banana (post w/o)

1245pm Chicken Breast <– no idea

The Workout

Back Attack!

Assisted Pull Ups

Unilateral Row

Back Ext

Lawnmowers

45 Min Cardio

*Sorry no sets or weights. I completely forgot. :/

Day 57 in Pictures

  1. Banana Split Protein Shake 🙂 (Dymatize Chocolate Protein Powder, 2 Strawberries, 1 mini Banana, Almond/Coconut Milk, Ice)
  2. 2nd meal- Steak and Broccoli.
  3. 3rd meal- Chicken on my way to class (not pictured, flaxseed cookies)
  4. This is what I have to study for a test I have on Friday. Weve only have 1 (ONE) class with him. Awesome.

Was a good day overall. Thought work was going to be a lot worse (because there has been some minor drama) but it was all good. Ate on time, no overeating or eating because I was bored. I had a long day though… like mentioned in the beginning of the blog, I had my 9-5 (which is usually 8-6 if you include commute).. class at 630ish till 9 which was actually pretty interesting, then I got a burst of energy which was awesome, and headed home to change, got in the car and got SUPER tired. Got to the gym, did KIND of a crappy workout then got on cardio and was gonna skimp out but I didn’t…because in the end I am only cheating myself. BTW got hit on again.. this is GREAT, but I will tell the story tomorrow.. I finished about 45min which I was only going to do 30 but more power to  me! Ended up meeting up with a friend and it lasted a bit long.. Did eat my carbs after my workout though and had just enough time to eat a chicken breast before bed. Took awhile to get to sleep but it was quality sleep, the sleep I DID get.. 🙂

Cant wait for another day 🙂 One step closer to my goal :):) Have about 3 and 1/2 weeks till I have to send in my money for comp!!!!! MEANS ITS GETTING CLOSERRRRR OMGGGGGGGGGG 🙂

Still need to find the bikini I want/the color I want… eeeeeeek.

 YOU CAN DO THIS; ONLY IF YOU WANT THIS!~

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Day 56 There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.

Sunday Funday ❤

THE WORKOUT

Bi’s and Tri’s 🙂

Standing BB curls supersetted

40lbs x 12reps x4
20lbs x 8-10 x 4

Cable Tricep Pushdown

50lbs x 12reps
60lbs x 12reps
70lbs x 10reps
80lbs x 10reps
90lbs x 8reps

Half supersetted with a DB tricep ext (25lbs)

Cable Bicep Curls

40lbs (each) x 8-10reps x4

I then did an exercise for my triceps (which I don’t know the name of).. you can use the lat pulldown bar though. Make sure your arms are shoulder width apart, straight elbows, keep core tight.

30-40lbs (I originally started with 40lbs each, but it got pretty heavy my first set, so I went back down to 30lbs) 3 sets total.

5 Minute Planks

45 Minutes Cardio

630pm Did another 45 minutes of cardio.

Day 56 in pictures..

  1. Protein Shake – YUM.
  2. Woke up, abs are IIIIGHTTTTTT.
  3. Progress on mah ASS (from behind lol).
  4. Calf Progress (and to think I just went spray tanning!).
  5. POST WORK OUT SHAKE!!!!! (yes that’s RAW egg).
  6. Played pool while mah Celtics played ball!
  7. Ground Sirloin/Onion/Corn/Broccoli.
  8. Another round of cardio.
  9. Before.
  10. After.

Today was sort of uneventful, but it was a great day for working out. I got 2 cardio sessions in =D However woke up did a pretty damn good arm work out, finished with cardio (45min). Went and ate, then played pool for an hour or 2. Ate again lol then finished hw while food digested, and finished another 45 min at about 630pm. Went to Jewel (picture not posted bc it didn’t load), but got MEAT to grill. And I grilled. All by myself. YUP! Went to bed at around 930pm, because I am such a good girl.

Hope everyone had a great weekend, if not make a better day tomorrow.

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Day 43 The only journey is the journey within.

 

745am Woke up kind of late, since I didn’t get to bed till 3am .

830am Whey vanilla Protein 2 pieces pineapple, small banana, 1 tb coconut oil and 1tb coconut shred, 1 cup coconut milk and ice cubes.

1230pm blackened chicken breast, with a few flaxseed (original flavor) cookies.

227pm Stomach is super hungry already 😦

and now that I think about it.. I have class at 650pm. Health and wellness actually. Pretty excited actually, but I don’t have anything to eat later.. I might have to stop home. BECAUSE I AM BBBBRRRRRROOOOOOOOKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE till tomorrow morning. 😦

Work is fine. Nothing to interesting going on. Feel a little uncomfortable. These jeans fit my ass but not my waist and I have to keep pulling them up and I look awkward. and I forgot to paint my toe nails. lol. whatever.

430-5pm Ate a chicken breast in the car ride home.

 

545pm Got home and walked Marley before I headed to class.

7pm It is actually a sports nutrition class which I AM SUPER STOKED ABOUT!!!!! Talks about what you should eat at what times, breaks everything down for you. As soon as he said macro nutrients and  I immediately thought about eating disorders and how I may get obsessed with it all again..(I did when I started weighing out portions for pre contest),  but this is stuff that people SHOULD know. What carbs to eat, complex or simple. What sugars to eat, what fats to eat and when because as we may NOT know, timing is very crucial during energy exertion.

9pm Class ended and I headed straight to the gym

BOULDER SHOULDERS TODAY!!!!!!

Seated Shoulder Press

25lbs (DB) x 12reps x 4

Front Raise Super Setted with Flyes (chest)

I did this 3 times but I don’t know the weight, they weren’t numbered. 8-12 reps each.

Then I was getting sick and tired of retards staring at me.. (my pants may have been SLIGHTLY see thru).. Anywho..

Did 30 min on the stairmaster.

After that, I decided to go into the studio and do a little emore.

Lateral Raises

15lbs x 10reps (each arm)

Super Setted with either Bosu Ball Burpee (10) or ski jumps (20)

after 3 sets

Upright Row

25lbs x 12-15 reps

Super stetted with bosu burpees/ ski jumps.

NO planks today.. I was DRIPPPPPING sweat. Literally I couldn’t even see lol.. and I was super tired.. got home around 1030pm

 

1040pm 1/2 Chicken Breast and 1/2 Banana

 

HOPEFULLY GOING TO BED SOON!!!!!!

Goodnight ❤

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Day 42 I’m strong because I know what its like to be weak.

10am Got up laid around with Marley for a little bit…. Didn’t eat till about noon.

1230ish Made steak and eggs but gave Marley most of the eggs.. I didn’t care for them at much.. Had a few slices of pineapple as well.

Decided that I could NOT go to the gym until my blog was finished lol. But WordPress is being pretty gay.. said my post was published when people were already commenting on it… and the pictures were suddenly not there any more 😦 so now I feel all fucked up.

Doing Hamstrings/ Glutes today 🙂

120pm Stomach is fucking hurting again. No flax no nothing.. I think it may of been the pineapple.. what the fuck. :(:( not good.

OHHHHHH and forgot! Made tofu brownies last night.. they weren’t bad at all but I really want to make the black bean brownies now.. I have a feeling they might be a WHOLE lot better 🙂

I don’t know where I got this recipe from.. probably from CCK.. but I don’t really know… :/

(Makes 8 brownies)

  • 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup ww pastry flour (or white, or you can try spelt or gluten-free)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1/2 cup sweetener (see link, below, for lower-sugar version)
  • 1.5 oz  soft tofu or mori-nu firm or lite firm (about 1/8 box)
  • 1/3 cup applesauce (use only 1/4 cup if using 3T oil)
  • 1 to 3 T oil (I use coconut oil. Canola is ok too.)
  • 2 T non-dairy milk
  • 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • optional: you can throw in some chocolate chips

Combine dry ingredients, and mix very well. In a blender, combine wet ingredients and blend until smooth. (I use a Magic Bullet cup.) Pour wet over dry and stir, then pour into a 4×6 oiled pan (or double the recipe and use an 8×8). Cook for 12-18 minutes at 325 F. I’m not sure why this is the case, but these brownies seem to taste ten times sweeter if you don’t eat them for at least an hour after they come out of the oven!

My fudgey variation: (Highly recommended!) If you want them extremely fudgey– as in “so gooey you need a fork to eat them”—cook the batter for only 8-10 minutes. Then put the pan in the fridge to cool for at least a few hours.

Went to the gym around 330pm

HAMMMMMIIIEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS DaTTT ASSS!!!!!

Started with

Deadlift

3 sets of 90lbs and then added an outer 20lbs for the last set.

Back EXT

4x10reps 45lbs w 45lb calf raises

Step ups BW with Lunges

3 Sets each 10 each leg for the step up (BW)
3 Sets of 10 each leg (40lb BB)

Planks

5 Minutes total.

Butt Blaster

3 sets of 8 on 40lbs

10min stairmaster

430pm CHIPOTLE!!!!!

Just chillen now.. Really have to study for a test I have Wednesday and need to check what room my new class is because it starts tomorrow :):)

Laundry, and cleaning room. Not to mention my sister left to go back to MN for school last night :/ and we took a cute pic last night 🙂

Suppose to go to see a movie tonight.. but who knows.. I don’t mind staying in I really do want to study its only on chapter 14 and I actually enjoyed that chapter..AND THIS IS THE SECOND FREAKIN TIME IM TAKING PSYCH.

WHY DO ALL THE TEACHERS STINK THAT TEACH PSYCH??? Seriously.. out of ALLLLL fucking people my professor is a sexiest. no THE sexiest.. but against women sexiest and sometimes its ruthless. I literally shake my head sometimes when I sit in that class.. I am just trying to take it week by week with him.. too late to switch and I don’t think I would of anyways.. no big deal…. unless it gets really out of hand then Ill say something but so far its just annoying and I am not the only one whose noticed it… which isn’t good for him but whatever.

6pm– Tried to write my paper. I, right now, have 3 drafts. fml.

830pm-130am I left to go to a movie and didn’t get back till late. Only had a diet coke and some almonds on my way back home.

130-230am Had a tofu brownie and almond butter. Then a handful of flax cookies. lol.

3am Finally fell asleep.

Goodnight ❤

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Day 40 FRIDAY’s Blog (WP is not being nice to me).

Day 40. phew… its been 40 days of no processed foods/fast food/anything other then WHOLE foods.. Isn’t that crazy??

&& I am almost 3 months free of smoking as well. YEAH buddy <– simple things in life bring me joy now 😉

930am Protein Shake. Probiotic Myofusion (again, tastes like shit), superblend (macs,hemp,something else can’t remember) and a little bit of coconut oil ice and coconut milk I think.. fuck.. SEE THIS IS WHY I WRITE DOWN AS I GO hahah whatever give or take 50 calories.

10am got to work.

130pm Leftover steak (6oz) and broccoli, a little late on eating today. From here and till 6pm I did have a Lara Bar though because my STOMACH WAS ON FIRE…. wtf is with these hunger pains??????????

6pm Left Work, headed to Whole Foods because I ran out of food and I really wanted chicken for this weekend. Spent $15 on 3 pieces of chicken.

Awesome.

6pm-845pm I was a bad girl. I didn’t eat 😦 I was having a heart to heart about everything and time just slipped away. Car ride home ate a cold chicken breast lol.

930pm  Arrived home.

1005pm Arrived at LA Fitness.

1006pm Realized LA Fitness closes at 10pm. Can’t miss a workout.. or if I did it would just be an excuse.. and its a friday.. and we already know I don’t have a life.. so…..

1015pm Drive to Xsport in Libertyville. Beginning of my little adventure my gas light goes on… Figured I can make it to work on an empty tank I can make it 20 min down the road.

1040pm Arrive at Xsport Fitness. Realize I do not have my debit card nor cash to pay the $10 to get into Xsport.
Call Ashley and ask her if she still works out at Xsport. Hang up.
Use her name to get in.

 

Back Day Today!

 

Started with Assisted Pull ups Supersetted with Lat pulldowns.

110lbs 12reps – 70lbs 10reps
110lbs 12reps – 70lbs 10 reps
95lbs 8 reps – 80lbs 8 reps
95lbs 6 reps – Then some guy sat right behind me. So I moved.

 

To the Single Arm Row.

50lbs 10reps each arm
50lbs 10reps each arm
40lbs 12reps each arm
30lbs 12reps each arm

 

Moved to the Bent Over Row (cables actually).

90lbs 12reps
100lbs 10reps
110lbs 8reps
120lbs 8reps
130lbs 6reps

11pm Realize that my gas light went off, after I already drove 10-12 miles.. and I don’t have any cash on me.

11-1130pm Tell _____ that he might have to pick me up if a reserve tank can go 40 miles. IF not, plan on coming out to LV to help me out lol.

Finish up 30 min on stair master.

1201pm Made it safely and actually got home. Made 6oz ground turkey, 1/2 banana (WHAT ITS MY WEEKEND!!) :):):)

1237pm Finishing blog. Going to bed. SEEEEE YAAAAA. Can’t wait to turn my alarm clocks off ❤

Goodnight ❤

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Day 38 Avere fiducia, and that I will…

730am Woke up to drama. and BAD hunger pains.

Made a protein shake. Strawberry Banana.

8-830am Sipped the shake while drove to work.

9am Got to work.

905am Found out my “best friend” told the guys I work with, who I hooked up with last summer.

Wouldn’t of been that big of a deal, but you don’t know the guys I work with. Prior to this, I am currently being made fun of for a “relationship” which is just a friendship with another co worker. So this just takes the cake.

Funny part is, I would of never of known my “bff” was talking shit if Mike (who actually thought I was mad at him) texted me with “I tried to get nikki to stop” LMFAO…. didn’t even know what he was talking about.

now I do.

So last night they were all out drinking and I got brought up about how I went with Greg to a party last year.. well. nikki mentioned something about how I hooked up with Greg but we didn’t have sex.. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. okay well eric goes and texts greg and says what happened with you and marissa, we already have confirmed data so just tell us. Here is the convo below..

So then greg tries and get ahold of me but cant because I was passed out..

So this morning when greg woke up he tried explaining what happened and I already blew up at nikki bc like I said SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW ANYTHING!!!!!…. so yeah.. well..I go up to eric and I said was it greg or nikki who told you.. he gave me some BULLSHIT story and I just said forget it and walked away…

Well.. matt confirmed that I was brought up nikki mentioned my hook up eric texted greg greg texted me mike was there and tried stopping nikki from being a backstabbingtwofacedbitch. then proceeded to say how I give pics to everyone blahblahblah.. and goes and tries to deny it through text.. I have a screen shot of that as well.. lmfao.. here you go..

 

 

Dude seriously.. wtf. I am done. I don’t need this drama or this extra stress.. its CHILDISH and after everything weve been through together.. After people giving her shit for “sleeping with eric,” or being a “home wrecker” lmfao.. did I go and blurt shit out?????? and to think she was the ONLY one who knew….wow…. but everything happens for a reason and I am glad it happened so I can lose her as a friend. I knew that people thought she was two faced but I never thought she would do it to me.. OLWEEELLLLLLLLLLLLL…I don’t need people like that in my life. I’d forgive her but I don’t need that negativity in my life.. 😦 I have enough of my own..

So thatsthat. Deleted all my co workers from facebook.. actually blocked them all.. Not hanging out with anyone from work or actually anyone for that matter.. DONE.

I like my life without D R A M A. well.. as much unnecessary drama as possible. lol..

1249pm TIME IS JUST DRAGGGGINGGG.. I have class tonight and then I think I am going to work out because I didn’t work out yesterday and I binged like I said prior.. I do want to discuss this though..

I have to care that I binged because I am doing a contest.. but for my OWN sake I can’t care (confused?).. Nothing I did was wrong besides not going to the gym (instead I will go today). But for the sole reason of me doing a contest prep anything can be dangerous… Not so much because I am still a little over 2 months away.. but even these healthy spurts of carb cravings I need to be careful.. Besides it was one slip up (only 2 so far in the 38 days SUPER PROUD AGAIN!) and I am also super happy that my cheat meals aren’t really cheat meals.. that they are healthy alternatives. So in a contest prep world I cheated, but for sanity I only overate. Time to move on and live TODAY not what I did last night 🙂

So I ate my chicken breast, with some BBQ sauce (MAYBE a tablespoon), munching on edamame with detox tea 🙂

Will eat again around class time.

Have to go to the financial aid office though to turn in another form but so far I think I’m doing good! Should be reimbursed soon for school. They are about to take out another payment on the 20th.. not happy.. I am dipping into my savings for this shit.. that and MY TAXES STILL WONT GET FIXED!!!! ughhhhhh maybe I will call them right now. oh and as I was blocking people from texting me I realized my cell phone was past due 2 days….. alrighty then there goes another $100 ontop of the $250 on my cell phone and the $100 I went randomly shopping with PRIOR to all this happening.. OH yeah and I owe Hertz Rental car $250 😦 not happy. Sorry a bit of ranting for the day….

So left work at 430pm 

5pm got to school, went to financial aids office.
Looks like everything is all verified. I got an email saying they are taking another payment out on the 20th and looks like everything will be finalized on the 21st lol. She said Id get reimbursed and then get remaining money? I don’t know.. Well see.. but I could DEF use that money right now..

Had Steak and broccoli before, and had a chicken breast at around 730pm.

 

930 Went to the gym after getting home and walking Marley.

930-1030 Stairmaster. Holy shit.

1045 1 cup chili with 1 cup ground turkey. a pinch or two low fat mozzarella and 2/3 banana.. (was going to be 1/2 banana but for some reason I am started to get addicted to bananas lol)…. hmmmmm…..

Btw if you ever wanted to know what it looks like to microwave with a non microwavable container.. this is what happens..

‘But that’s it for today… in class we are learning about personality disorders and eating disorders.. its weird hearing about binge eating and so forth.. btw.. it kept coming up that the side effects of bulimia is ruined teeth enamel.. and I actually think that’s true in my case.. they literally bleed ALL the time.. I HATE going to the dentist because I can taste the blood in my mouth 😦 Idk….. I’m flossing though hopefully it helps :/

Feel good, stomach is still looking pretty ugly to me.. Cant wait to go tanning so I feel a little more confident.. It’s been so nice out lately, makes you wonder what summer is gonna feel like lol.. this is obviously global warming how else is it like 80 everywhere in the world?? haha..

 

Goodnight ❤

Food Log

8-830am Protein Shake
12pm Chicken Breast/ Edamame
3pm Nut Butter
4pm Steak/Broccoli
7pm Chicken Breast

930-1030pm 60 Min Cardio (stairmaster)

1045pm Chili/Ground Turkey

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Day 36 I sat on the pity pot today..

My whole body is sore.. and I have had acid reflux for going on 24 hours.

It started even after my shake when I didn’t even add chia/hemp/flax or fiber, yet I am still hurting.. Hmmm… All there was was pineapple, coconut oil, and whey protein.. hmmmm BUTat 3 in the morning I did wake up and eat part of my pizookie w PB.. that had flax in it I WOKE UP AT 730 THOUGH!

and its 1151 and I still have it.

Ate a piece of flank steak, snacking on edamame. Yawning..

306pm Cried today for the first time in awhile… Felt good and bad all at the same time.. I tried holding them back, but it was like buttons were being pushed every time I thought I had it all under control. It is all work related. I deserve better. I know this but I don’t want the pressure of trying to find another job right now.. Everything happens for a reason, just have to believe in that.

Had some pulled pork earlier, going to eat another piece of steak with some broccoli in 3 min or so.. Don’t even feel like eating 😦 I am just tired and cold and feeling a little down today.. I really just want a nap 😦

Seriously FUCK MY BOSS. HE is the BIGGEST FUCKING ASSHOLE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. I honestly do NOT understand how someone is capable of daily hate towards others.

Not even worth talking about anymore its wasted energy.

I haven’t eaten that much today 😦 I am in a weird mood.. Can’t wait to unwind AT THE GYM! haha ❤

Today is going to be shoulders… This weeks schedule is actually going to be as follows :

  • Mon- Shoulders
  • Tues- Quads
  • Wed- Off
  • Thurs- Back
  • Fri- Cardio
  • Sat- Hams
  • Sun- Bi’s Tri’s

Military, Overhead press, front raise, lateral raise, upright rows 🙂
5 Minute Planks
30min Stairmaster.

ITY BITY PITY COMMITTEE

So today at work my boss was making me look like an idiot in front of everyone.. I started getting hot… and I really didn’t know how I was going to handle this situation because I didn’t know how far my boss would go… Well he made me do something one last time and when I got in the back of the shop I starred up into the ceiling and felt the tears just build up.. I really didn’t want to cry… (I actually enjoy crying, you feel so relieved afterwards), because I was still at work, so I tried to keep walking.. but I had to keep pausing… I hadn’t cried in such a long time I think that’s why I couldn’t stop it. So I bent over and had the tears drop onto the ground, trying not to go back looking like a hot mess.. I wanted to pretend it didn’t get to me.. but I regained composure and went back up front.. Words were exchanged and I gave him what he wanted and walked to the furthest bathroom. I sat on the toilet bailed for 30 seconds, realized I was still at work, sat and focused on breathing and waited till I was ready to leave.. Honestly I felt so much better, yes it looked like I was crying but I didn’t have to make much eye contact with anyone the rest of the day… I barely ate, which I think is weird because he has been triggers for me bingeing… any who.. So I did what I had to do and left for the day.. drove home no big deal, got Marley out, took her for a walk and made steak and broccoli. Well 7pm comes around and this is when I am ready to bounce out the door to the gym and my mom watches Marley well as I am getting ready I notice that this bracelet that I bought on Saturday was missing. Completely off board it came on, and the empty part was lying in the same spot my sister found it in… I don’t know why but I FREAKED OUT. I called my sister a fucking bitch all because she claimed to NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!! LITERALLY verbatim!!!! I have the texts, it goes from Idk what your talking about, to asking me if I remember wearing it, she doesn’t know what to tell me, then 20 min later after I told her she lost me as a friend (we have gotten really close, and id do anything for her) because I KNEW she took it and she was LYING in my face, making me feel and go  and even act crazy. I disrespected my mom and my sister for me being upset. I was in a bad mood when I got home.. and then I saw that. I freaked. And not even to mention THIS MORNING, as I was getting ready for work as I moved this bracelet to the spot it was at I thought to myself, how funny if Hayley tried stealing this, since I KNOW its right here.. Literally no joke, no crosses I legit thought this on the way out.. so for her to say, are you sure you didn’t wear it?

Omg. Words could NOT describe. I was BALLLLLLLING. On the FLOOR crying. It was a whole mess… I shut my door and prayed to God for strength, I was hyperventilating. Trying to breathe, hysterically crying and repeating God give me strength wasn’t quite all working lol.. I had to stop speaking and start praying silently till my breathing calmed down..  I felt so so soooo low at this point crying just felt natural, like a relief…. I felt so much better afterwards..

I do take full responsibility for how I reacted today and I am quite embarrassed. I don’t know what got into me..IF you want an example of sitting on the pity pot this is it.

All that was consuming me had to do with how my work sucks and I deserve better and if not at least respect. I am completely broke (had to dip into savings type shit), taxes will NOT go thru, this is the 6th time I sent them in, school called me once, sent to vm, called back, sent to vm, no call back. That’s in regards to financial aid (OR LACK THEREOF!), and how I am broke because of that too.. then my sister tries and makes me go crazy, my mom had an attitude the entire day (am AND pm), then I am bloated as fuck ALL THE TIME!…..

So anyways I balled. Hard. I let it all out. Everyone is on good terms now. I need to do a little soul searching and figure out this mess. I mean I know everyone has their ups and downs but FUCK. There are ways to avoid feeling hopeless.. 😦

So back on track After all the shhhhiiiiaat I needed to hit the gym. WITH MAH NEW SWEATSHIRTTT!!! and after a great meal 🙂

730pm BOULDAH SHOULDAH (boston accent)

Switched things up, started with Smith Machine Chest Press
50lbs x 12reps
50lbs x 12reps
60lbs x 10reps
60lbs x 8reps
70lbs x 4reps <– no idea lol……

Went to do should press, but I WAS SLACKING SO BADLY! I tried to start with 60 lbs so like a 30 DB in each hand and I couldn’t even do it…. That sucked for my ego.. NBD I think I tried to do 2 sets and switched to Upright Rows Supersetted with a Front raise (20lbs BB)

50lbs x 10reps
20lbs x 12reps x 4 sets

then went into the yoga room and did 10 (30)DB swings (like a squat to front raise) then did 10 (ea) lateral raise for 10 reps 3 Sets

then finished with 3 sets of an incline chest press at 50lbs

5 minutes of planks

30 minutes of treadmill no less then 12 incline (max 20) on 2.8-3.0

Went home stopped at Baskin Robbins, grabbed my mom some of her chocolate chip ice cream and headed home. Ate a protein shake (my yuckie strawberry and banana expensive as shit protein with actual strawberries (3) and a 1/2 banana ice and water, didn’t taste that bad actually…

NOWWWWW it is 1204am and I am super tired but I had to write this blog.. I knew I had to finish it so I can post it tomorrow morning… I don’t even know if my point was understood or if I even made one…… Anywho, I need to stop worrying and have no fear..

Where God’s love is, there is no fear. God’s perfect love takes away fear.

=)

Goodnight ❤

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