Tag Archives: stomach pains

Monday 36/83 (2/11)

I totally jinxed myself.

Saturday I went off my rocker. No, I jumped off that bitch.

Oh not following me? I “binged”. Not to the extent of which I have before but definitely consumed a shit load of calories thanks to none other than myself. All I did was sleep and eat chocolate and I would give it all back than have to endure the stomach pains all day sunday. After 2 hour increments of going to the bathroom, I woke up with a 4 month prego food baby looking stomach. I couldn’t even function right. I went to a couple of stores with my mom and had to leave early because the stomach pains just didn’t want to go away. So when I got home I chugged pepto and tried drinking some water. Nothing really helped except a heating pad for about 30 minutes.

I am so dumb. Literally a fucking idiot. Yes, I tell my clients not to worry and not to be upset after a binge or even a legit cheat meal but now I see how it’s so easily said then done. I feel worthless. I already have my doubts about this contest and I just threw it away for a day. Yes a day, so yes I sound like an idiot but I also feel like one. I have yet to do this the entire prep but it’s still no excuse. I have about 6.5 weeks left and here I go doing the destructive things I have done in the past. But it ends here. Maybe I just needed that, maybe it will work out for me in the end. I technically didn’t have a cheat meal last week so … a possible validation? Lol.. no.

That’s what you call an excuse ladies and gentleman!

But I am over it.

Planned my next couple of weeks which will be harder but I really want to start leaning out now. Hopefully my little abs want to make an appearance some time in the near future 🙂

So, even after my baby food drama the boyfriend and I went to sushi. LOL. Hmmm… rice when already bloated? Whatever, it is what it is. We did finish off some fried ice cream because apparently I am just a born fat ass at heart. No lie. We ended up just getting a movie and relaxing the rest of the night (aka I passed out).

Things are starting to get a little nerve-racking lately. By the end of the week things will have drastically changed (for the better, I hope) and change is hard to deal with at times. He (the bf) did mention how maybe all of this will make us work harder into moving in together and how he doesn’t feel any of this will change us. It is always nice to have a little reassurance..  so I am starting not to worry about us that much any more. I just can’t waste time on the unknown. I must have faith that we will be okay at the end of the day, because as much as I preach, everything will be okay in the end. Everything IS done for a reason, and anything meant to be will find a way. All I do know is that I love this man very much and frankly, that’s all that matters.

For now, I want to focus on myself. Get MY shit together and have everything else fall into place.

I have faith.

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Day 29 It’s ok if the only thing you did today was breathe.

Looked at myself in the mirror (progress pic) and I look pregnant. I look like I am 2-3months prego with obliques.

No joke. I am horrified. What if I really am pregnant? maybe that’s where the corn cravings are coming from. AND I DID JUST BUY 2 JARS OF PICKLES!!!!

wait lol. nvm I’m not pregnant. I literally just had my period. which  is even worse. because NO JOKE Im fat and its been a SOLID month give or take a week because I ate those cookies and what not, but that does NOT compare to the cheat meals I would of had, had I wanted to eat that shit. So no idea, granted I BARELY have touched cardio.

AGAIN PATIENCEEEEEEEEEE and I fucking have NONE!

It’s all good. my mom told me I’m thinning out already, which btw IFUCKINGHOPESO.

Doing back today, however my lower back from dead lifts and back ext hurt a little bit…. whatever.. that and 30 min on the stair. what whattttttttt

Woke up late because my mom was pissed that my Marley pooed in the house and she left without waking me up so good thing I did.

8am 1/2 of the CC Lara bar… half asleep.

830am had my nasty protein shake again. nothing to discuss here.

Btw my boss is a fucking jackass and has been the cause of some binges. not lying.

130 and IM JUST NOW EATING> had to drive to chicago to get a lambo part then had to get my boss lunch. Snacked on half of a lara bar though just to keep the stomach pains away.

I feel like I had a lot to say and now I don’t. Did talk to the lovely lady at Marios (where my boss always eats) and talked about eating and being over weight ext. 😦 I want to talk to EVERYONE that feels succumbed by food. I just want to help.

OMG MY LUNCH IS SO GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDD 🙂

347pm I’m annoyed as fuck for some reason. that and I really cant wait to lift tonight and Im super hungry again. I seriously need to go to the DMV tomorrow. I honestly think that my license is going to be suspended.. im going to call them right now actually. wish me fucking luck i need it.

Fuck it.

I didn’t eat again till I got home at about 545pm.

I had chicken and broccoli 🙂 Took Marley out and hit the gym at 715pm

BACCCCKKKK AAATTACK!

Assisted Pull ups Rows Bent over rows Ext my back already hurt from leg day when I did Back Ext lol.. Then finished with 5 minutes of planks.. took some gay pictures :):) lol.. my ass is starting to look proportional which is a GREAT thing!

Oops sorry don’t know how to put this upright.

Hit the elliptical for 30 minutes. On level 10. BECAUSE DUMBDUMBS were taking up the 3 stair masters again holding on like they think its easier just because.. anyways it felt pretty good. I could feel my butt working! And to think I despised the elliptical! And my face looks thinner……

Whateva ❤

Got home and shoved a chicken breast in my mouth with some cashews. Also got a diet coke from mcdonalds, and decided to finish my blog.

Overall today was a good day. Work out was great, I’m starting to feel better about myself. I broke up or got 2 couples in a fight in the last 2 days and the dude that broke my heart won’t leave me alone. HMMMMMM too bad no boys this contest prep. YEP! 4 months no bullshit. TOOOOO much drama, no joke.

Speaking of one of the couples, matty (who I met at my last competition) texted me and apologized, blahblahblah and told me about the npc kevin noble show in rockford, how I should place. All positive vibes from him which is nice to hear.

I was really boring today. Some retard flicked me off today for no reason. Some teenager in a forte lol. She did NOT know how to drive and gave me the finger. I just stopped and starred. I didn’t even know what the fuck I did lol but I saw her the entire time in front of me in the lane over. Sorry you weren’t paying attention because your eyes WERENT ON THE ROAD! lol.. i sometimes count how many people I can get to flick me off.. lol..

What else was exciting? Practically nothing, today flew by.. can’t wait to have a leg workout tomorrow. Don’t know what kind of carbs I was going to connnnsumeeee I’m thinking my pizookie lol..

Well its 930pm Im not tired, but I am gonna do something.. besides type more pointless details of my day. My eating was on point, could of probably ate more, but not a huge deal. I need to start drinking more water though, and REALLY start searching for a bikini.

&&&&&& SO I AM investigating this fucking ticket. and LOOK I AM GETTING CLOSERRRR!!!!

HAHAHAHAH,, seriously. Please don’t take away my license. :/

Other then that, hope everyone had a good day, if not pray you wake up tomorrow and can start fresh. Don’t let a few mistakes define you, that and food. YOU are in control. Yes it tastes good for the time being, but how does it feel when you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror with disgust.

Unless you don’t, then good for you.

Just stay strong.

 

Goodnight ❤

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