Tag Archives: Upset

Monday 1/83

So yesterday marked the first day of my contest prep, and let me tell you I was a little disappointed.

Slept at the boyfriends on Sunday so it gave me almost an entire hour of extra sleep (I live far from work), so that was nice. Ultimately went about my day as usual as any other. I didn’t eat as much as I would of liked (for some reason my appetite hasn’t been “normal” lately. Going on 2 weeks of being sick), but was still able to consume enough calories to work out.

3 cuttie oranges (idc about fruit sugar this early in prep)
1/2 quest bar
2 chicken breasts with broccoli
1 piece of WW bread with PB
1/2-1c cottage cheese

I got home around 6 and relaxed a bit for an hour and 1/2. Well.. before I got dressed to head out my boyfriend called and said he was going to a bar. Then my friend “forgot” to call me back (when all I wanted to do was just talk to her. I get in weird moods and we play phone tag sometimes but for some reason I just wanted someone to talk to). Checks in @ Xsport with her friend, then at Buffalo Wild Wings with another and apologizes she didn’t call. Well for some reason all this kind of irked me.

Regardless, I headed to the gym and arrived around 7:45pm. I started doing my thing and I could feel my emotions arise. This wasn’t good, but I wasn’t stopping. Instead I started getting more pissed. Pissed at the situations, then pissed at myself for not pushing thru. Well I “gave up” around 8:10.. I just threw in the towel. I walked my sorry ass upstairs to the cardio section and hopped on the treadmill. I finished 45 minutes but that was the end of that work out.

I headed home, ate my meal and got in bed in time for the new Catfish show around 10pm. I was disappointed but at least got something in, even if it wasn’t how I expected my first work out back in 2 weeks.

Laying in bed creeping facebook and instagram, my boyfriend tried calling a couple times, as did Ashley. I ignored both and just wanted to be “alone”. I ended up calling my boyfriend back (and texting Ashley), because as much as I was in my own world I love him dearly. We talked a bit and he wanted me to talk things out with him but the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the reasons I was upset.

That lasted shortly. Something else came up that sparked my insecurities and I just balled. He then continued to tell me how much he loves and adores me but the tears kept falling.

Listen, me telling you I am insecure as fuck doesn’t even scratch the surface. Yes, he has done some things that haven’t made it easy but most of those things wouldn’t of been a problem had I been secure. I just cried. I told him I don’t know if things are going to change, if I am going to change but I know I can’t live like this. It hurts so much, and again… doing this to myself.

HE LOVES ME. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM!??!?!??!?!?! I have never been with someone like him, someone who doesn’t mind reminding me why they love me or how much they love me. When it all comes down to it, it’s me.

..and I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything I can do. Will I be like this forever? All I know is that I love this man so much. So much that any attention he puts out to another human, I am envious of. It’s sick and I am embarrassed.

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Day 67 4 WEEKS OUT!!!!! omg.

Officially 4 weeks out!

Holy crap.

Time has FLEW by… getting a little nervous.. but that’s alright.. right? FUCCCCCCCK!

No big deal. I got this && if I don’t, ol the fuck well, I’ll have a badass bikini for summer haha. No seriously though, I think with all the cardio and actually giving a shit Ill pull through just fine.

So what does 4 weeks out entail?

  • No preworkout. Awesome.
  • No carbonation.
  • Fruits in AM hours only.
  • Red Meat only on weekends (first 2 weeks).
  • Water, Tea only! (Crystal Light alternatives ok, for first 2 weeks).
  • Carbs only after leg workouts (possibly back as well).

So that’s not too bad 🙂 I still have my condiments!!!! haha.. well for now.. everything kind of disappears 2- 1/2 weeks out.. 😦

The Food Log

630am Protein Shake (Dymatize, Maca Powder, Coconut Shreds, Water, Ice, Blend).
10am Chicken Breast.
1230pm 12 Almonds.
145pm Finished 5th cup of tea, and 1 bottle of water.
230pm Chicken Breast with Asparagus.
600pm Egg Whites and a Salt Free rice cake w/ Chocolate Protein Almond Butter.
9pm Protein Pancakes 🙂

The Work Out

Front Squat

50lbs x 10 x 4

Leg Press

140lbs x 12 x 2
180lbs x 10 x 2
230lbs x 8 x 2
270lbs x 6 x 1
270lbs x 10 x 1 (no idea where this came from lol).

Lunges

50lbs x 20 x 5

=

100 TOTAL LUNGES 🙂

(took me exactly 5 min to finish 50 of them @ 50lbs)

Calf Raises

Leg Ext

85lbs – 115lbs to failure

45 minutes of cardio

Day 66 in Pictures..

  1. My chicken in a cup.
  2. All I do at work is check up on fitness related shizznit and (idk whytf my pics are turning around) but if it was normal the girl on the left is sooooooooooooooo sexy!
  3. My Salt Free Rice Cake w/ Protein Almond Butter.
  4. My protein pancake w/ a shit ton of pb2.. oops.. (after a leg workout so suck it).

So today was alright. Didn’t start the morning off right, but everything happens for a reason. My boss texted me the day before and asked if I could be at his house at 730am to drop his kids off at school. No big deal. Besides me needing to wake up at 5am just to get a morning workout in AND be on time to drive all the way to his house. Well I didn’t get up. But I was all ready to go get his kids. I start driving and as I am about to pull into his driveway (he lives about 30-40min away), he calls and says he needs me the next morning, not today. Awesome. Well… okay. It was no ones fault but my own that I didn’t wake up this morning (but I did two workouts yesterday so lets just pretend to flip flop them), but that was a complete waste of time. Whatever. No big deal. The day isn’t close to being over, but I am super excited to work out and KILL it.  I have homework to do tonight, and I need to get to bed at a decent hour. I don’t think I will be going out Mon-Fri anymore, even if it is just to chill. I need all the hours of the day that I can get. 4 weeks. That’s it. Its gonna FLY by and I need to keep up.

Had an awesome work out. Cant wait to hit it harder tomorrow 🙂 and this weekend. ;0

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