Tag Archives: valentines day

Oh boy.

Second Iphone stolen within 3 months. No insurance, like an idiot. Why? because with the insurance, my bill would exceed $150 a month.. Thought I wouldn’t have to deal with another jackass… I thought wrong.

It’s been almost a week without one. Not that it matters TOO much without having a phone.. but boy do I take it for granted. I can no longer nap because my dumbass has no alarm to wake me up. My clients cancel and I have no way of knowing. It’s the basic shit that I miss.. Not Facebook, Instagram or even Snapchat… I just want to be able to take a nap!

So, no photos of our Ice fishing trip to Wisconsin during Valentines day, no progress pictures, no duckface selfies… no nothing. Lost it all, again.


On top of that, I am getting recertified as a personal trainer via NASM. They give you 180 days to complete and pass the test. My boss told me I needed it in 60 days. A week or two ago, it was no longer 60 days, but rather 27. If that doesn’t put stress on someone, I don’t know what will. It’s terrifying really. Not because I lack confidence which we all know.. but because I suck at taking tests and I really needed that time. I paid $800 for it and IF I don’t pass, it’s another $200 to try again. No, not being pessimistic, just laying it out there..

So.. I’m sure you can tell I am stressed out like a MF! Everything is taking a toll on me. My boss comes up to me and starts hounding me about the test and how I need it within the next week and a half.. I blew up at him. I have been such a basket case, that I feel like I can no longer control my emotions. I felt horrible. I still do. I apologize and got him a GC shortly after because I was so embarrassed about my actions…

Needless to say, Friday is my first therapist appointment. I need to talk to someone.. I need to get everything out and have someone say, ‘youre not crazy”.. I need someone to give me something to work with because I am slowly self destructing.

Work outs have been good, and I have been staying on track. Although with everything going on, I am having a hard time eating. I have to literally force myself to eat. Any other time before this, I would have loved not having an appetite.. Yeah.. that was the anorexic me.. the fit me shoves food down my throat so I don’t lose the precious muscle I have been slaving for..

Shits rough right now, but I’ll get through it by the grace of God.




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Wednesday 31/83 (2/6)

Fuckkkkk. I really need to stop comparing myself with other people because frankly, it is not working.

7 weeks to go and I feel it’s not enough time. My legs are getting lean which is a good thing but I see no definition in my arms (which has ALWAYS been a problem) and my abs are only visible when I wake up in the morning. Though makes perfect sense with the amount of water I drink. Still going to train as if it IS enough time and worry about it later.

Again, I have plans to limit my carbs and fruit intake and up the amount of cardio in a few weeks, so hopefully (fingers crossed) everything works out. Just so nerve-racking sometimes.

Nothing is really effecting my mood lately or my want to binge because that “want” isn’t there anymore. I love my cheat meals but I don’t count down the days till I get one as surprising as that sounds. I do have a hershey kiss in times of “need” 😉 but that’s as far as it goes. My cheat meals aren’t even that calorie dense anymore. I just don’t live to eat and that’s how it should be!

My life outside of the gym has been good as well. It’s my boyfriends birthday the day before Valentines day so we are planning on going to Texas De Brazil in Schaumburg which is pretty much an all you can eat MEAT restaurant. You have these cards on the table, along with mashed potatoes, cheese filled biscuits and bananas haha, which are red on one side and green on another. You place the green side up if you want the servers to come around, or flip it to red when you need a little breathing room lol and trust me that red side comes in handy! They come around with endless amounts of meat and it’s just plain awesome. I haven’t been there is forever so super stoked to finally get to go!

Things are starting to look up and I will explain a little more in to detail when I know the time is right.. or when I know I am allowed too 😉

Keep pressing on folks!



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Day 9 Happy Valentines Day <3

Happy Valentines Day

Okay. So yes, I am technically writing this on day 10 because I got COMPLETELY side tracked yesterday.. and my diet was COMPLETELY thrown off too 😦

I had the day off so I got up at 8am, laid in bed till 9.  I just made eggs before the gym (not to get weighed down…. and I was really lazy).

Got to the gym at 10am.. BACK DAY.. no cardio 😦 I had no time.. I actually was thinking about just NOT even going and realized I NEEEEEEEEEED it. ALL of it.

Took Marley out and made a green smoothie. Added a shit ton of blueberries because I can tell they are going bad. Sipped on that for about an hour while I got ready. I had to leave at 12pm to go pick Kami up in the city.  So I ate a scoop of PB on my weigh out the door and realized I had no food to take with me 😦 (always harder to eat OUT but still possible).

Got to Kamis at 115ish, here is her layout and I was FUCKING JEALOUS, (and pissed her off a bit with my “must be nice” quote)… but it was all in good fun, didn’t mean any harm. However she had a really cool set up and felt very grown up “y” lol. She was all cute and got excited to tell me shes eating healthy and we ate chicken and corn. I had a HUGE craving for corn lol, idk. Anywho we left at 230pm and we will continue with a picture LOL

Yeah……….. $120 later.  I was only going 80 which is ACTUALLY pretty slow for me.. and he wrote on the ticket “admitted going 80” LMAO. whatthefuck?! and it was valentines day.. 😦 So Kami and I switched, and she started driving the rest of the way.  and we get to his house at 4ish I wanna say? We didnt stay long Kami was hungry and Calvin was in a bad mood. So we went to Potbelly’s and I WAS SO HUNGRY!

Got vegetable soup and a pickle lol. It was better then nothing. However that’s all I ate for the rest of the day and I did in fact drink. No sugar drinks just vodka rum and tonic water lol UMMMMMMMM

7pm got to concert. Calvin and Kami didn’t think we should leave early because there wouldnt be a line.. well.. LOL and yes I HAD TO TAKE A PIC TO SAY “I TOLD YOU SO” mmmmmhmmmmm.. SO I remember entering the concert chilling drinking whatever.. Timeflies comes on.. sings all that fun stuff and we leave obviously after it was over (do NOT REMEMBER LEAVING VENUE) and so later Kami and I bitched about how the day couldn’t of gotten worse (we bitched ALOT during that car ride home lol) and we were like and Cal didn’t even play the songs we wanted him to sing.. and earlier today I watched videos of Cal singing his songs.. our songs.. and we were trying to sing along.. lol….. um. yep!

1am-3am Alright so we get to Calvins somehow.. and all I remember is walking up to the front door and a man was blocking the door with his foot. Apparently I “put my hands on him” but yeah ok.. maybe.. But Kami apparently threw a red bull out the window at a car and he what? was randomly walking around at 2am? and saw this go down? lol…. ummmmm so 2 other cops came.. here.. proof AND I apparently video taped the entire conversation lol.

So they left.. after.. yep dont really know don’t really care.. um all I know is I went to bed @ 3 or 4 am and woke up at 6:30am FULLY DRESSED (W/ boots and jacket.. my exact outfit) upright…. but Ill explain more about the next “day” and how it was pretty eventful lol.. But anyways.. I didn’t eat that good I ate as BEST as I could without using it as an excuse to shitty food. Alcohol I can deal with, just not all the fat calories..

So I think since this day is technically over.. I’ll continue with day 9’s blog (today) lol. ❤