Tag Archives: work

Life as I know it (for the time being)!

WOW.. it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks. Up and down an all around…

Lets first start off by saying how hard this is to type, considering I fractured the BLEEP out of my left hand. I just finished up with the doctor just a few short hours ago, where we decided to go ahead with surgery. I’m not saying
I’m thrilled, but happy that things should be back to normal in a few weeks. That being said, I have had two legit work outs in the last 3 weeks. Lets just say, I have been rather depressed. Seems like it’s a domino effect lately. More so, because I am constantly reminded of my lack of being able to do.. well just about anything. For the first week, I couldn’t even put my hair up, or tie my own shoes. Boy, did it make me feel guilty. Just always taking things for granted.. really made me appreciate the things in my life more. Maybe that’s why it happened… who knows..

Regardless, I am still facing challenges each and every day, and not being able to work out has made me feel .. like I lost part of myself. All I have ever known, has been working out and personal training.. and something this small has taken that from me (for the time being). I was deadlifting 255 for REPS and really pushing forward with my prep for competition. I mean.. this happened the day before I was supposed to compete in a DL comp, where the girl who won (and there was ONLY 1 GIRL in the comp) only lifted 235lbs.. let me tell you… that did not sit with me well.

Although my lifting has taken a back seat for a bit (I still lift legs as much as possible, and as much as I can), I promised myself that my “diet” will be the thing that holds me together. I was scared at first.. I was eating cookies practically every day and still  maintaining.. I was barely doing any cardio.. and then BAM! Active lifestyle cut short. I had to do something or I was going to self destruct.

So far so good.

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To be honest, my body is taking the lack of heavy lifting extremely well. I couldn’t believe it.. I woke up and had abs sitting up! Nothing I am doing is crazy extreme.. all I am doing is watching what I eat.. aaaaaaaand passing up the cookies (just for now). I am not counting calories, my macros.. nothing.. I probably should be but until I feel its necessary, I would rather just eat. I do prep my meals still, but again, no measuring of anything. I do take spin classes every other day (heavy resistance), to get SOME activity in my life. Like I said, I would be lost without it… I mean.. it really is my life. Even if I can’t train myself, I train people for a living and now, I can’t even spot someone correctly…  😦 But.. that’s not what this is about.

It’s about appreciating life. Really.. just in general. I mean, I broke a finger and I felt hopeless at times.. I felt like I lost myself.. I felt dependent on people for the dumbest things. Shout out to Justine for tying my shoes countless times..

smh..

But it made me appreciate the fact that I still have every other working limb. That in 4 weeks, I will be healed. Where as others won’t. Where mine seems so minor compared to others. I could only imagine the pain the suffering others with major health issues face. I pray for them, and I will continue to pray for them. When something is taken from you it affects you emotionally, and some times those emotions get the best of you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I appreciate every single client, gym goer, and just random strangers, that try to boost my moral each and every day. It has been so heart warming to know that even if people are just being nosy, they took the time to ask how I was doing. It really has made me so much more appreciative of the life I live.

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This is your sign to go work out =D

A LOT is going on right now, will update soon! Hopefully with a clearer mind this time around..

Wishful thinking.. I was told to be more optimistic so.. workin’ on it ;P

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Procrastination Post.

Figured I would take this time to reflect. One because I usually do on Sundays and two because things are either about to get a lot better or a lot worse. My boyfriend broke up with me today. Okay maybe he didn’t but long story short, we should have a long time ago. He wanted to talk about it, I simply want to wake away liking him as an amazing person that he is rather someone I despise. Who knows but after this post, I am going to bed. My head hurts and I honestly was going to go out and eat a “cheat meal” aka emotional binge and validating it like a boss. But I didn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. I had an amazing leg work out, 30 minutes of incline walking, and 2 games of basketball in which I can hardly move. It may be a combination of a ridiculous work out and me taking out 2 guys during a game of basketball. Awkward. yet So badass. My battle wounds are getting better day by day. Lol.. kidding.. but seriously let me enjoy it because I could barely walk up and down the stairs yesterday..

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

Workouts have been on point and so was eating. I ended the four-week no cheat and felt like shit doing it. I don’t know. Thinking going lighter.. or at least find a way I feel less guilty about it. Anyways. Not unhappy at all. My body is definitely making progress and I am super stoked. I just need to stay consistent. It is literally key.

Yesterdays leg work out, which I was not excited to find out they were doing legs when I walked in. They were literally mid hack squat and me almost not making the work out, realized I would not have been unhappy if I did. Lol. But it was awesome. I felt (or didn’t feel lol) things I havent felt in a while. Justine had to literally extend a hand to help me off. It was crazy, exhilarating and hurt so damn bad. But good. ya know? ;p My legs were numb. H actually checked my legs out to make sure I didn’t tear anything. Crazy. Lol.. And to think that was JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE WORKOUT@!!!!!! Anyways we did some leg curls ext jefferson squats which are just annoying.. and finished with jumps squats I believe. It was insane. I chilled for a bit and went to chipotle. I ordered food and yet I was not hungry. I felt like I wanted to puke smelling everything. I ended up enjoying the water more than anything.. So I saved 1/2 of it and drank some Gatorade. I finished with clients, did 30 minutes of incline walking with Cylia and late at night played 2 games of basketball after Todd asked H but he declined. After first so did I but after they played a game he got me to play. It was nuts. My legs hurt so bad. We won. That is all.

Lmao.

I am slowing getting better. Going to lift back tomorrow which I am actually quite happy about. I want to post some progress ISH pictures. Mostly because in this picture I finally went under 150lbs! It was about damn time. Lol. Not that I care but it was a little small hooray type ordeal.

Imaweirdo.com

Imaweirdo.com

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

photo 1

😛

Wednesday: Clearly I haven’t found enough time to get to a wifi connection to post this. I have friday off so I will edit and post. I let this whole break up ruin my work out today. Then I ate some oreos. I realized that I take care of everyone before myself. I am 50% sure I want this break up. I validate binging and eating like shit on any bad situation. enjoy in the time, then hate myself not for eating it because I clearly loved it but hate that I am either behind now on how I want to look or I have more work to do. Knowing that I set myself back is the only reason I feel guilty about eating crap food. MMMMMMM I dont know. I feel sad.

#Americanhorrostory brb ;P

Thursday: Passed out after AHS. I love this show. Slept in, rescheduled the two clients I had. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been crying lately. Speaking of crying.. I was on facebook.. yep reactivated it.. and it was a series of photos that this husband took of his wife while going thru cancer. It was so touching. So sad, but the very last picture was her tombstone that read “I loved it all”, and as I am sitting here hurting over a hard lesson of a break up and this women was battling cancer and still loved life. I instantly was wiping tears from my face and really needed to take some time to reflect on all of this.

I will not allow it to succumb me. You can either crumble or you can conquer and conquer I sure as fuck will.

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NPC Ironman Bikini

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

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Top 3 Physique

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

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Happy 4th of July!

It’s already 10 pm, so what I SHOULD be doing is passing out only to wake up in 6 hours. However, I decided I needed to get started on my weekend trip to wisco sooner rather than later. The boy and I left Wednesday night around 10pm and got to the house around 2am (I believe).. We did our usual stop at the gas station before heading onto the road in which I just started doing lunges from the car to the station (not one fuck was given). It was in my best interest to work out while I was up there… but that DID not happen. I randomly did squats and push ups (and 25 BW bench dips at 12:26pm in front of a crowd of people before I went in and bought a launch pass LOL) but nothing that prevented that 2lb weight gain at the end of the trip (yes.. I gained weight. oh no!)..

Anyways.. Our last stop before the house was Walmart, where we picked up a few things (rather healthy might I add considering the boy and I are legit fat kids) then headed to his house to get some sleep. The first day we woke up around 10:30/11 and was on the water around noon. The first day was a good one for me and I snagged quite a few different fish off different lures/flicker shads ext which is always a good time! We didn’t leave till around 10PM, yes 10 hours later.. But it was nice because it was the 4th of July and while we were driving the boat back we got to see fireworks from every angle. After that, I believe the boy blew up some shit then we headed to bed. The second day was nice too. I got to lay out for a few hours trying to salvage any color I could, while the boy was off doing his thing. Luckily I packed a few bags of fruit because we were not prepared. The sun just beat down on us and I felt dehydrated at times. I should have brought more food along but I guess I didn’t think I’d last 10 hours on the water.

Bags had watermelon, grapes, blueberries and strawberries!

Bags had watermelon, grapes, blueberries and strawberries!

The next day I believe we were out on the water around the same time but packed up around 6:30/7 to meet a couple of his friends that came down. They had a pretty rough weekend so they weren’t really feeling it. They ended up drinking (as did I but to be honest it was a complete bust. I don’t drink but after 6 shots I was still stone cold sober.. complete fail and waste of precious calories) and blowing off the rest of the fire works. We ended up all taking the ATV out and caused major trouble. In which, I lost a flip-flop, ran into a fence and had the weight of the ATV and Nizzle’s bodyweight come crashing on me.. Yeah.. things got pretty wild. Not smart. Not safe. Don’t try this at home.

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Surprisingly, the next morning they went home. They didn’t even go out fishing! I didn’t mind. Just more QT with the boy. We ended up going out to eat where I had a massive burger. See..? LOL and this wasn’t even the picture of the first one. This picture is actually the SECOND time I ordered it.. Yep! We went out to eat at the same place the last day before we went home and I got it again. No shit I gained 2 lbs… I ate it in the form of burgers!! Haha..

LOL

LOL

That was basically our trip. It was nice to be out in the middle of the water and not have a care in the world. Except I did (besides being on my boy’s case about being on his phone all the damn time), the minute I stepped into my bikini I was bloated. I was bloated all weekend. Yes it makes sense (going from a clean diet, to well.. not so much), but it was so embarrassing. Take this picture for example..

Bad ass fish but COME ON! Where are my abs???????!

Bad ass fish but COME ON! Where are my abs???????!

I go from having abs pre vacation to none prior. This is a progress shot I took before the vacation. And let me tell you, I looked NOTHING like this all weekend. It sucked. I worked so hard and I felt like a piece of shit. I don’t know.. But what I do know is how much I wanted to get back in the gym. I missed feeling good.

Progress Pre Vacation :/

Progress Pre Vacation :/

Here is a picture I took while waiting for the boy to put the boat on the trailer. Probably the only thing I am proud of… considering my arms have always been a weak point of mine. Still didn’t take away from looking/feeling like shit. That was/is my only complaint. I just WISH I looked good. It is so vain of me but it is what it is. Again, I worked so hard and it looked like I didn’t work out a day in my life. Such a complete and utter fail.

Yeah buddy!

Yeah buddy!

&& here are a few more pictures of the weekend and a few pictures of what I’ve been eating:

My little fishy :D

My little fishy 😀

:P

😛

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photo 5

Shopping cart. Shit is on starting today 7/8/13!

Shopping cart. Shit is on starting today 7/8/13!

 

Def not a 1/b burger.. but would def rather see my abs then enjoy something for 5.2 minutes..

Def not a 1/b burger.. but would def rather see my abs then enjoy something for 5.2 minutes..

I am not going to stress over the 2lb weight gain, or the picture that I look terrible in. No.. I am trying to become a better person physically and mentally. I am going to push forward from this day on. I am going to give it my all and strive to be the best person inside and out that I can. I can’t keep going down the same path expecting to find a secret path. I have to CREATE it. It is up to me and only me and I will keep on trucking along till I find my way. I do have a lot of great help and a good support team now (which is way different from the last show I prepped for). So a ton of progress pictures will be on their way! Still debating whether to go into detail about what I am doing diet wise only because it is designed for ME. Following what I do may or may not be a good thing. However, I do want to keep track of macros and the progress I make in the weight room. So, maybe I will post it (with a huge disclaimer)!

Heading to bed now (11:24pm fml). I am currently training quite a bit and quite early in the mornings now so I am trying to get as much sleep as possible (that’s when muscles grow right?!) even if it means sleeping in my car. Yes, sleeping in my car. Welcome to the life of a personal trainer.

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Friday night and I am updating my blog. Exciting much?!

Feeling like crap today. Had a couple of good work outs the last few days after having 4 days off. I did an upper body work out on thursday (last week) and on saturday morning I felt completely paralyzed. Even the blanket that I was sleeping with felt like concrete. I had to go into work for a few hours and even that wasn’t a good idea. I tried to show a client how to do a shoulder press with a 20lb BB and I could barely lift it. It only got worse after that. I felt like I tore shit up. The only thing I can think of is when I did BW (body weight) pull ups. I am only use to doing assisted pull ups so I figured that I ACTUALLY used my back muscles and they were NOT excited about it. THENNNNN I couldn’t even fully extend my right arm without shooting pain. H thought I pinched a nerve, but its probably my body telling me to back the fuck off for a bit. So I did. Then went back at it as soon as I felt better…. Story of my life. I feel good though outside of .. other issues.. girl issues. But they are hitting me hard. I did 30 minutes on the stair master which seem to subside the pain but as soon as I stepped off of it, pain was even worse. Luckily I only had a few more clients and got to go home and get medicine. Friday night will consist of red box and egg whites.

Why egg whites you may ask? Lmao.. Because I finally decided to track my macros (macronutrients: fats, protein, carbs) and holy shit no wonder I have been stuck at 150lbs. 8pm and I’ve already consumed 1500 calories 175g carbs 50g fat 80g protein. H and I discussed what I should be hitting and the totals were 1700 calories 180g carbs 60g fat 180g protein. So in other words.. I have 200 calories left and need about 5g carbs, 10g fat and 100g protein.. Yeah.. good luck with that. I really didn’t plan anything all I did was track what I would normally eat from day to day… Knowing that, it has truly opened my eyes considering I would probably have 1-2 more meals before I went to bed tonight.. That being said, I really need to start paying attention to what I am eating. I guess I never really cared because I wasn’t gaining weight but now I want to try to start leaning out. I am only doing about 2 sessions of 30 minutes of cardio so yes I could do more. I could also do a little more of high intensity lifting instead of counting calories/carbs ext but I don’t want to lose anything that I have worked for via cardio. I made that mistake my first bikini competition and will not do it again. That and cardio sucks. A lot. I mean.. come on.. unless you’re boxing or doing plyos or something, the treadmill/stair master and I definitely have a love hate relationship going on. I hate it, but love what cardio does for the body (well.. when you are smart about it). My polar heart rate (GOOGLE!! It is one of the best inventions ever) tracks my calories burned via my work outs and its about 4-5000 calories a week. Again, thats practically straight lifting.

So, what does 1500 calories look like? Well, today I had:

Breakfast:
1/2 c grape nuts (straight addicted to them) 200cals

1/2 c milk 60cals
1/2 c watermelon 30cals
4 pieces of turkey bacon 100cals

photo 4

Protein shake:
6oz greek yogurt 100cals
1/2 c blueberries w/ water 84cals

Post Work Out:
1 WW pita bread 200cals
2 TBS peanut butter 210cals

Dinner:
6oz chicken/beef 230cals
1c brown rice 230cals

Snack:
1/2 c cottage cheese 90cals

I also had some egg whites I didn’t account for. So.. clearly over 1500 calories. Unreal. I was probably having at least 2000 calories a day. Granted I probably burned more on those days (Only burned about 300 calories on the stair master today).. but still. That’s A LOT!

Oh man. I am def going to put more thought into what I am doing now that I am getting serious about my training. I am seeing results though and feel like I am getting stronger but that scale is NOT budging. I really could care less.. but its clearly because I am consuming a crap ton of food!

Post eating deep fried mac and cheese, funnel stix and a burger with cheese fries!

Post eating deep fried mac and cheese, funnel stix and a burger with cheese fries!

Nothing too special, but the definition I am seeing in my arms is 100% more than I have ever seen before..

Nothing too special, but the definition I am seeing in my arms is 100% more than I have ever seen before..

Here are a few progress pictures to end this blog because I am getting super tired and want to do a spin class tomorrow morning. If you haven’t tried one, I suggest you do some time. It is a GREAT work out (if you actually put effort into it) and really enhances your endurance quickly. I’ve burned over 1000 calories in a class.. meaning.. I CAN EAT! lol.. I’m jk.. don’t look at it like that, think of food as fuel. Speaking of which..  Had a younger girl today puke on me. Not literally.. just via my training session with her. Can you guess why? Because it was 2pm and the only thing she had was a banana. Yep.. a banana. Why on earth would you go without eating then try to train? As you may know, I’ve had my fair share of eating disorders but I don’t think I would work out that intensely. I would just starve. Yes, consuming a small amount of calories is bound to lose weight quickly but it is not healthy. You are at risk of losing muscle and not fat. So why do that when you can eat and look good? Did you read that right? YOU CAN EAT AND STILL LOOK GOOD!!!!! I just wish people listened. I didn’t have anyone telling me that what I was doing was wrong. I just saw the changes (not even good ones, just a change in the scale) and thought why stop now? Anyways, I may not know everything (CLEARLLLLLYYY I don’t) but I know and have common sense and starving.. is not worth it.

You can live a normal life without “dieting”, just eat healthy, and get moving. I can’t stress this enough.

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Happy.

Doing pretty good lately. Things are slowly starting to come together and I couldn’t be more happier. This is by far the longest I have gone with out bingeing or beating myself up over food or extra calories. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon either. It just feels so good.

Granted I still have my bad days, the ones where I don’t want to get out of bed (mostly due to being sore lol) but nothing has ultimately stopped me dead in my tracks just yet, or have tried to derail my progress (fingers crossed!). Yes everything still isn’t how I imagined it but I am having fun on this little journey of mine. I have been training with a co worker of mine, like previously mentioned, and I am so ecstatic by it. Not only is he helping me physically, but mentally as well. I am slowly but surely becoming a better trainer and I couldn’t thank him enough. He is truly fantastic and deserves a lot more credit then being mentioned in my blog. I have reached new limits and improving just about everything in regards to working out. I think it has definitely helped in every aspect of my life. Funny how such a small part of life could open the eyes to something bigger.

I just feel better…

My promotion papers have been sent in and I am looking forward to that. Hopefully it will be enough where I don’t have to quit training completely but who knows.. time will tell. Other than work and working out (even though that’s mainly.. about 70% of my life.. the other 30% is sleeping.. fersure).. the boy and I have been doing well too. Went to Great Lakes Drag Strip last night, and although at first I was in a bad mood, it wasn’t so boring. Not that it usually is or anything but I was super tired and didn’t feel like babysitting for hours.. if you know what I mean 😛 My girls came through and I think that helped a lot. Got pissed for about 15 minutes because I hate vindictive females but nothing a burger couldn’t fix. Damn.. talk about emotional eating eh? But seriously.. I haven’t really had a cheat meal and figured eating a burger (with the top part of the bread missing. Not because of the carbs, more so because they put CHEESE on it!!!!! If I wanted cheese, I’d ask for a motherfucking cheeseburger..!!! fml lol) would be better than starving (I did have a quest bar in the car I saved for the ride home though..).. and after a little while later the boy insisted on getting a funnel cake. He was actually pretty pissed when I came back from the bathroom without one so, we went together and I stole a few pieces. Nothing to worry about and nothing to get upset about and surely I was not 🙂

Look @ that beautiful smile. Damn..

Look @ that beautiful smile. Damn..

Came home while my mom was still up (and after she almost punted my cat right back outside after he brought home 2 dead baby rabbits. It was so sad).. and offered us a piece of cake. Her homemade cake is so legit. I passed but gave a slice to the boy, only after I stole a bite 🙂 He woke up pretty early and headed to work while I dosed off for a few more hours. Got to work around 10am, had clients till about 1 then worked out for a little less than an hour.

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mama bears homemade cake 😛

Everything is sore. Tomorrow I am for sure taking a day off.. no active resting no fucking nothing because I can’t handle it lmao. My wrists are achy my forearms hurt.. the middle of my hands hurt.. my shoulders hurt from awkwardly laying down and typing this.. I am just a mess. Definitely going to get some good sleep and just chill the weekend away. Hopefully sunday is nice out so I can get some color, because after those progress pictures this morning.. I sure as fuck need it.. lol.

photo

Look.. my ass looks big.. but its the pants. These two pics (bikini and this one) are 2 days apart. It's an illusion.

Look.. my ass looks big.. but its the pants. These two pics (bikini and this one) are 2 days apart. It’s an illusion.

 

Here have been a few things I have been eating lately.. This is just a reminder that you don’t have to just eat chicken veggies and an apple here and there.. GET CREATIVE! Just be smart about it.. That’s all it really takes..

photo 1

A PB&J on Kashi Waffles

Yes.. I even go to Chipotle! Def after a leg day.. This was actually when I attempted to deadlift 200 something..

Yes.. I even go to Chipotle! Def after a leg day.. This was actually when I attempted to deadlift 200 something..

But take Chipotle for example.. Eating out doesn’t have to be something you can’t/don’t do while trying to live a healthy lifestyle. It is ALL ABOUT CHOICES!! So make the best of them. I got brown rice, veggies, 1/2 steak 1/2 chicken and called it a day..

"Pizza" on a garbanzo bean crust:

“Pizza” on a garbanzo bean crust:

2/3c garbanzo flour
1/4tsp salt
1/4tsp rosemary
1/4tsp thyme

Recipe from: rippedrecipes.com – Go check them out. They have some dope ass recipes!

I have to have meat. I believe this was after a leg day..

I have to have meat. I believe this was after a leg day..

I eat pretty good throughout the week. Limiting cheats to one day a week, but consuming way more calories on leg days. I have been using my polar heart rate monitor and I can’t believe I went years without using it. It really is such a great tool. One day though, I want to wear it all day long.. (maybe on sunday) on a day where I don’t do any formal exercise, to really see how many calories my body burns just by breathing, being alive (your BMR) ext. I think that would be really helpful in knowing how many calories to be consuming (outside of working out). It also holds me accountable. You have weekly goals and at the end of the week if you reached them all you get a trophy, and I want that motherfucking trophy 🙂

Other than that.. Life has been pretty normal. Working, Eating, Working Out, Sleeping.. you know, the usual. So far, still don’t mind it.. really just trying to get back on my feet. Slowly but surely.

Thanking God every day.

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Don’t write anything you don’t want people reading.

I am very open and honest here. This blog is linked to many outside audiences (instagram, facebook, twitter) and will sometimes have an affect on my personal life (as in my real life, the stuff that you are here to read..) as it has, the passed couple of days.

With that being said, I have a choice to make in the next few days that involves a rather big part of my life. This choice obviously comes with change and with that comes fear. I think this is a good way to sit back and go through a brainstorming strategy to get me to make a decision. Otherwise other pressures will get to me and I will feel like I made the wrong decision no matter the outcome, honestly.

That being said, I have a huge decision to make, a few chapters and reviews to do and an essay to write before tuesday so I suppose I should cut these short for the time being..

Image

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I know my blog is boring, bare with me!

Got off work early, so what better to do than to write. I literally have 20420 notes saved in my phone, emails saved via the computer, of blogs or “passages” I have written, yet never published. I get in these so called moods of mine and then go back later and decided to 86* the whole thing (isn’t that what they save in restaurants? lol 86 the lettuce ext? lol..nvm).. I decided to nix the whole thing altogether. I don’t know what my problem is, but it is what it is.  

The reason I even brought that up is because I write sometimes, and other times I think about writing and after yesterday I am surprised I am just now getting to it. Though it is only 12:04pm the day after, what happened yesterday has really opened my eyes to the bigger picture. I met with my teacher about this time yesterday. I didn’t even know where to begin so I just started babbling. Now mind you, this is the teacher who teaches the class I am head over heels in love with. To make things even better hes super easy to talk too, COACHES you through things all the while getting to…. yes, the bigger picture. He “teachers” or “professes” this class, but by coaching ,which in the end is what we are learning to do! He did it again with the meeting we had one on one. Had me coming up with ideas yet this motivation from being sorta praised, was an instant change in self efficacy (something we are learning in class. self efficacy is the measures of ones own ability to complete tasks and reach goals. which if you think about it will increase self esteem later down the road). Good things can come of change, Ill telling you. We all just have to step out of our comforts zones. What is really the worst that can happen? I am not going to list of e v e r y possible out, I mean you have 1,00 and 1 ways to die on T.V don’t you?

Anyways, my main concern of seeing him was to talk about the paper that is due in LESS THAN 4 WEEKS! holy shit. I get so nervous. I love to write.. or at least think that I have a semi interesting relationship with it, but I always stress out. Least I know now that I have a deadline. Having a deadline is a double edge sword. It could work in your favor in regards to motivation, but if not met or not reached could result in self esteem/efficacy plummeting and reaching and even lower level than when started with. So keep that in mind, and how that’s possible is to set “behavioral” goals. In my instant, I need to space all this information out (chapters being due, tests every week, and a paper due in 4 weeks), and not leave it till the end. I wish I could retake this class, with the same teacher and everything just so I know and understand the information. lol. I wonder if they’ll let me. I mean its just more practice. Instead of this 8 week class, Ill just take it again to make up for the class being rushed. lol.

Back to what I was trying to get at before I went off in yet another direction. As you can see, I like using my “coaching abilities” in every day life, including my own. LOL.
pardon me.

So we continued talking for about 45 minutes, from start to finish he got everything out of me that he needed to know. My work background, dedication, work ethic and ideas and it was almost pro founding for me. I know deep down I have my “fans” boyfriend, family (my supporters), but having an outside source, who has only met me 3 other times (during class), talk to me about BIG THINGS, it had me smiling out of control. I don’t smile that often (just because Idk don’t ask me why), but here I couldn’t help it. To be apart of something that could possibly change this industry, has my leg hairs growing.

I don’t even want to write anything more. I just want to leave it at that because that was the “ah-ha” moment. The HOLYSHIT moment, if you will..

For someone who is already that involved and successful at something that you are looking to become/achieve, say no one has the motivation or drive like I do may just be a masterful way of coaching someone to be ones best self, but let me tell you, it worked.

I left that meeting smiling ear to effing ear. I was so excited I called my mom a couple times, and texted my bf super happy that it went well. Talked to him about it on the phone a little later and I could tell that he was proud. Its nice to hear the words, but its better to feel the meaning behind them 🙂 I never had something that I was good at, or like really really good at. I WISH I was just a flat out genius, thatd be nice. But Id take being able to draw, or sing! yea I REALLY wish I could sing. Like my babe is SUPER amazing at cars and now has a business backing his reputation up and even adding to it. I am super proud of him (eventhoughidontshowitandimsorrybabeiloveyouyouknowiamijustwellyouknowwhy). Brainstorming this idea that I could hit the ground running with makes me feel, I guess you could say worthy. I am really having a hard time finding a word that I think describes it best. I feel like I have been given a chance. I don’t know. I will come back to this later.

Later that day work came and went and I was back to driving to the south lake campus for class. I didn’t do so well on this test. Sure as hell not like before where I got a 100 freaking %. But I mean it was the first test so maybe he wanted it to be easy so we don’t drop the class. 😦 fail. lol. No I am just kidding. It is because I didn’t study, that well at least. I have been leaving everything for later and that is not cool. I think that just because I have a 4 hour break that I am going to spend that 4 hours reading and note taking. Are you kidding me, have you read my posts? how ADD can one person be?

Now that was as exciting as my night got. I came home around 10pm and was in bed no later than midnight. I woke up a little late, but it didn’t matter my boss wasn’t even there yet. So as I am sitting there, a lady had a couple questions regarding the seat adjustment on the curl machine. After talking to her for a few minutes, I knew I needed to sit down with her. After we started talking, I had HER practically walking us back to my desk. from there we talked mainly about what she has been doing, hasn’t been doing and what her goals are. The conversation could of lasted a whole lot longer but because I wanted to show her a little around the machines, we had to hold off. I did however, schedule her after the weekend to come back for a work out and for yet another chance to talk. I want to take her and shake her and have her not remember anything she was previously told before. Lol. I really find this job to be helpful in a huge stepping stone to what I ultimately want to do. Although this is more business like and stressful in that sense, but its allowing me to help these people from the ground up.

I considered the passed few days to be good days :). Making progress everyday is key. No matter how big, or small any progress is better than no progress.

Really need to spice this blog up with some pictures or recipes of some amazing shit. I promise it wont be this boring forever!

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Saturday 27/83 (2/2)

Haven’t posted much because nothing much is new.

Still working at my shitty job. Practically paying to work there. Things are in the works and I pray to God for every door that he has opened for me recently.

The boy and I are doing good. Rolling with the punches I would say. Mostly because I am still insecure as FUCK but working on it everyday. Luckily he is a great man and just as most guys would say, putting up with it. I have been bitching at him lately because of his drinking. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal but needs to know that not only am I not about that “life” but I also come from an alcoholic background. He isn’t binge drinking like lets say, some of his friends are but I also have never been with someone who casually drinks as much as he does. I just want him to be careful, that’s all. That and well…. I don’t trust many people’s decisions when they are under the influence and I will leave it at that.
In regards to training, I am still going strong. I just started to add cardio in my schedule because I hit the 8 week mark just yesterday. I am getting  a bit nervous but have to realize that its a solid 2 months away. A lot can be done in that amount of time. I just have to use it wisely. About 3 or 4 days ago, I did deadlifts for the first time in a while. About 2 days after that workout I was so sore. The next day, even worse. Now, don’t get me wrong I KNOW how being sore  but this felt like I was tearing things whenever I bent down. It was BAD. Now, I am all better and still going as hard as I can.

My diet has still consisted of brown rice, oatmeal, whole wheat pastas and the occasional fiber tortilla (I use for morning wraps of eggs and ground turkey). Eggs, ground turkey, chicken and protein powders. I also still have some fruit in my diet. I won’t take anything out just yet, but relying on the added cardio to lose a little bit of weight. I want to “preserve” any muscle I have for the time being.

In about 2-3 weeks, I will add more cardio and take out fruits and possibly lower the amount of carbs I am currently eating. I just hope I can keep my ass. It really is THAT important.

Everything else in my life, seems to be looking up. I haven’t binged like I have in past contest preps which I find is extremely amazing. I think it’s because if I want something, I have it. It’s as simple as that. Thinking of writing a blog post about cheat meals. I truly think its important to live a little, especially when you are not dieting for a show.

Hope all is well.

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Friday 19/83 (1/25)

Wednesday of next week, I will be 8 weeks out. I am a little nervous but 2 months I believe, should be enough time. I don’t have a lot of weight to lose but it seems like when you hit 8 weeks the time flies. If I do not feel comfortable in 6-7 weeks I will opt for a show a little later. I believe there is one a week or two after that I was looking into so that will at least give me a little more time.

However, Wednesday of this week was an off day for me. Not because I wanted one but because life didn’t think I should work out. Lol.. My boyfriend ended up becoming stranded with no car so I had to move some things around. I went home and prepared a few meals and by the time I put the lids on, I had to pick him up at the train station. No big deal though (and no I didn’t beat myself up like I usually do), I was sore in all sorts of places!

 

Meal Prepping! Chicken and Brown Rice :)

Meal Prepping! Chicken and Brown Rice 🙂

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We grabbed some sushi and got home in time for me to watch the season finale of American Horror Story (my ALL TIME FAVORITE SHOW!!!!!). Passed out shortly after.

My favorite is the second from the left, called Nikko. Shrimp and Avocado (that I take off) over spicy crunch crab with cucumber.

My favorite is the second from the left, called Nikko. Shrimp and Avocado (that I take off) over spicy crunch crab with cucumber.

Thursday (yesterday), I did 45 solid minutes of chest. I was working out for an hour but won’t count it as such because I caught myself starring into space a few times. I don’t know what it was (maybe no pre workout, tired.. idk). I took a little more time in between sets but hey I at least got my ass to the gym. I finished with 15 minutes of stairs.

Definitely sticking with 15 minutes of cardio no matter how bad I want to do more. I need to preserve this ass!

Food wise I am still going strong. Sushi knocked me a little (the sauce is always high in fat/calories), but too be honest I skipped 2 meals on accident so I don’t think it hurt me too bad. I usually have a cheat meal on the weekends but I am going to keep it healthy.

My food for the 8 hours I am at work. Greek Yogurt, Apple, Banana, Almonds, Chicken Brown Rice Broccoli and a Quest Bar (not shown).

My food for the 8 hours I am at work. Greek Yogurt, Apple, Banana, Almonds, Chicken Brown Rice Broccoli and a Quest Bar (not shown).

My life is slowly but surely coming together, or I am getting better at handling the stress. Money issues, car issues, school issues are still.. well, issues but I am starting to allow God to get me thru them. I am headed over to my aunts after work and hopefully can get some insight on my life. It’s nice talking and getting advice some times, although I know I am going to cry once or twice.. I just know it! Ol well, sometimes I just need to let go..

I did however get my first online client of the year. So with that I am not going to go into detail about my work outs that much because that wouldn’t be fair to the folks that pay for it. I don’t mind answering any and all questions though!

Nothing really planned for the weekend. I do have an appointment to get my taxes done tomorrow and possibly a fishing show on Sunday but that’s as exciting as my weekend gets. I don’t mind (well not all the time. My Jeep is a gas guzzler and I am piss ass broke), I enjoy resting and spending time with my Mom. I think I should take her out for a little lunch date though.. It will be a nice hour or two.

Well.. that is all my friends. Going to do full body work out today (at my aunt’s house because LA Fitness closes at 10 and there’s no way I would be able to get there in time and NO WAY I am missing another work out), Hamstrings Saturday, and Shoulders on Sunday. I hope ya’lls weekend is a little more eventful than mine!

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