Happy 4th of July!

It’s already 10 pm, so what I SHOULD be doing is passing out only to wake up in 6 hours. However, I decided I needed to get started on my weekend trip to wisco sooner rather than later. The boy and I left Wednesday night around 10pm and got to the house around 2am (I believe).. We did our usual stop at the gas station before heading onto the road in which I just started doing lunges from the car to the station (not one fuck was given). It was in my best interest to work out while I was up there… but that DID not happen. I randomly did squats and push ups (and 25 BW bench dips at 12:26pm in front of a crowd of people before I went in and bought a launch pass LOL) but nothing that prevented that 2lb weight gain at the end of the trip (yes.. I gained weight. oh no!)..

Anyways.. Our last stop before the house was Walmart, where we picked up a few things (rather healthy might I add considering the boy and I are legit fat kids) then headed to his house to get some sleep. The first day we woke up around 10:30/11 and was on the water around noon. The first day was a good one for me and I snagged quite a few different fish off different lures/flicker shads ext which is always a good time! We didn’t leave till around 10PM, yes 10 hours later.. But it was nice because it was the 4th of July and while we were driving the boat back we got to see fireworks from every angle. After that, I believe the boy blew up some shit then we headed to bed. The second day was nice too. I got to lay out for a few hours trying to salvage any color I could, while the boy was off doing his thing. Luckily I packed a few bags of fruit because we were not prepared. The sun just beat down on us and I felt dehydrated at times. I should have brought more food along but I guess I didn’t think I’d last 10 hours on the water.

Bags had watermelon, grapes, blueberries and strawberries!

The next day I believe we were out on the water around the same time but packed up around 6:30/7 to meet a couple of his friends that came down. They had a pretty rough weekend so they weren’t really feeling it. They ended up drinking (as did I but to be honest it was a complete bust. I don’t drink but after 6 shots I was still stone cold sober.. complete fail and waste of precious calories) and blowing off the rest of the fire works. We ended up all taking the ATV out and caused major trouble. In which, I lost a flip-flop, ran into a fence and had the weight of the ATV and Nizzle’s bodyweight come crashing on me.. Yeah.. things got pretty wild. Not smart. Not safe. Don’t try this at home.

Surprisingly, the next morning they went home. They didn’t even go out fishing! I didn’t mind. Just more QT with the boy. We ended up going out to eat where I had a massive burger. See..? LOL and this wasn’t even the picture of the first one. This picture is actually the SECOND time I ordered it.. Yep! We went out to eat at the same place the last day before we went home and I got it again. No shit I gained 2 lbs… I ate it in the form of burgers!! Haha..

LOL

That was basically our trip. It was nice to be out in the middle of the water and not have a care in the world. Except I did (besides being on my boy’s case about being on his phone all the damn time), the minute I stepped into my bikini I was bloated. I was bloated all weekend. Yes it makes sense (going from a clean diet, to well.. not so much), but it was so embarrassing. Take this picture for example..

Bad ass fish but COME ON! Where are my abs???????!

I go from having abs pre vacation to none prior. This is a progress shot I took before the vacation. And let me tell you, I looked NOTHING like this all weekend. It sucked. I worked so hard and I felt like a piece of shit. I don’t know.. But what I do know is how much I wanted to get back in the gym. I missed feeling good.

Progress Pre Vacation

Here is a picture I took while waiting for the boy to put the boat on the trailer. Probably the only thing I am proud of… considering my arms have always been a weak point of mine. Still didn’t take away from looking/feeling like shit. That was/is my only complaint. I just WISH I looked good. It is so vain of me but it is what it is. Again, I worked so hard and it looked like I didn’t work out a day in my life. Such a complete and utter fail.

Yeah buddy!

&& here are a few more pictures of the weekend and a few pictures of what I’ve been eating:

My little fishy 😀

😛

Shopping cart. Shit is on starting today 7/8/13!

 

Def not a 1/b burger.. but would def rather see my abs then enjoy something for 5.2 minutes..

I am not going to stress over the 2lb weight gain, or the picture that I look terrible in. No.. I am trying to become a better person physically and mentally. I am going to push forward from this day on. I am going to give it my all and strive to be the best person inside and out that I can. I can’t keep going down the same path expecting to find a secret path. I have to CREATE it. It is up to me and only me and I will keep on trucking along till I find my way. I do have a lot of great help and a good support team now (which is way different from the last show I prepped for). So a ton of progress pictures will be on their way! Still debating whether to go into detail about what I am doing diet wise only because it is designed for ME. Following what I do may or may not be a good thing. However, I do want to keep track of macros and the progress I make in the weight room. So, maybe I will post it (with a huge disclaimer)!

Heading to bed now (11:24pm fml). I am currently training quite a bit and quite early in the mornings now so I am trying to get as much sleep as possible (that’s when muscles grow right?!) even if it means sleeping in my car. Yes, sleeping in my car. Welcome to the life of a personal trainer.

Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

 

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.