Procrastination Post.

Figured I would take this time to reflect. One because I usually do on Sundays and two because things are either about to get a lot better or a lot worse. My boyfriend broke up with me today. Okay maybe he didn’t but long story short, we should have a long time ago. He wanted to talk about it, I simply want to wake away liking him as an amazing person that he is rather someone I despise. Who knows but after this post, I am going to bed. My head hurts and I honestly was going to go out and eat a “cheat meal” aka emotional binge and validating it like a boss. But I didn’t. And I am glad that I didn’t. I had an amazing leg work out, 30 minutes of incline walking, and 2 games of basketball in which I can hardly move. It may be a combination of a ridiculous work out and me taking out 2 guys during a game of basketball. Awkward. yet So badass. My battle wounds are getting better day by day. Lol.. kidding.. but seriously let me enjoy it because I could barely walk up and down the stairs yesterday..

You should see how bad it is now.. lol

Workouts have been on point and so was eating. I ended the four-week no cheat and felt like shit doing it. I don’t know. Thinking going lighter.. or at least find a way I feel less guilty about it. Anyways. Not unhappy at all. My body is definitely making progress and I am super stoked. I just need to stay consistent. It is literally key.

Yesterdays leg work out, which I was not excited to find out they were doing legs when I walked in. They were literally mid hack squat and me almost not making the work out, realized I would not have been unhappy if I did. Lol. But it was awesome. I felt (or didn’t feel lol) things I havent felt in a while. Justine had to literally extend a hand to help me off. It was crazy, exhilarating and hurt so damn bad. But good. ya know? ;p My legs were numb. H actually checked my legs out to make sure I didn’t tear anything. Crazy. Lol.. And to think that was JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE WORKOUT@!!!!!! Anyways we did some leg curls ext jefferson squats which are just annoying.. and finished with jumps squats I believe. It was insane. I chilled for a bit and went to chipotle. I ordered food and yet I was not hungry. I felt like I wanted to puke smelling everything. I ended up enjoying the water more than anything.. So I saved 1/2 of it and drank some Gatorade. I finished with clients, did 30 minutes of incline walking with Cylia and late at night played 2 games of basketball after Todd asked H but he declined. After first so did I but after they played a game he got me to play. It was nuts. My legs hurt so bad. We won. That is all.

Lmao.

I am slowing getting better. Going to lift back tomorrow which I am actually quite happy about. I want to post some progress ISH pictures. Mostly because in this picture I finally went under 150lbs! It was about damn time. Lol. Not that I care but it was a little small hooray type ordeal.

Imaweirdo.com

just chillen in the chipotle bathroom! 147lbs!

😛

Wednesday: Clearly I haven’t found enough time to get to a wifi connection to post this. I have friday off so I will edit and post. I let this whole break up ruin my work out today. Then I ate some oreos. I realized that I take care of everyone before myself. I am 50% sure I want this break up. I validate binging and eating like shit on any bad situation. enjoy in the time, then hate myself not for eating it because I clearly loved it but hate that I am either behind now on how I want to look or I have more work to do. Knowing that I set myself back is the only reason I feel guilty about eating crap food. MMMMMMM I dont know. I feel sad.

#Americanhorrostory brb ;P

Thursday: Passed out after AHS. I love this show. Slept in, rescheduled the two clients I had. My body hurts, my head hurts, my heart hurts. I’ve been crying lately. Speaking of crying.. I was on facebook.. yep reactivated it.. and it was a series of photos that this husband took of his wife while going thru cancer. It was so touching. So sad, but the very last picture was her tombstone that read “I loved it all”, and as I am sitting here hurting over a hard lesson of a break up and this women was battling cancer and still loved life. I instantly was wiping tears from my face and really needed to take some time to reflect on all of this.

I will not allow it to succumb me. You can either crumble or you can conquer and conquer I sure as fuck will.

NPC Ironman Bikini

Pictures from The NPC Ironman I saw this weekend.

Top 3 Physique

Cylia getting teased with Nutella 2 weeks out!

Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

 

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.