Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

 

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.

Day 35 youngwildfree

so I am continuing last night over here because I didn’t arrive home till 7am….

So after everyone got a couple drinks down everyone started to loosen up a bit.. I don’t think I laughed that hard or that much in such a long time.. I def needed it…

Nikki and I

Well everyone is kind of an idiot (mostly co workers here lol) so we just do dumb stuff (like at work, when its your birthday you get tied up in duck tape…. yup!) any who.. there was a 2 person bike and we were told we had a mission to accomplish.. I actually of video of this whole thing and its fucking awesome.. too bad I don;t know how to post video and second I laugh and sound like a retard..

But we were told we had to bike to this bar down the street take a shot (car bomb) and then get one to go..

The bike we took for our mission. 

 Car Bomb To Go Please 😉

I successfully did this.. and you hear it in the video.. you also hear:

me laughing uncontrollably..
saying something hurts over and over..
I had to pee really bad
Some dude watched me pee and
I was not afraid..

Yeah no idea… you just hear me say “I’m not afraid” lol.

Nikki and Mike

Anywho that was pretty interesting.. I don’t really remember much of the night.. besides the pictures that I took. Well listen to this..

So we are driving home, the sun is coming up.. I am sprawled out on the passenger seat, fully reclined, backwards.. yes.. My head was where you put your ass.. lol i was so comfortable.. let me tell you. THAT I DO remember lol.. well we were getting closer to my house and I realize my phone wasn’t working, figured it was just dead.. Well I plugged it in before I hopped in bed and just passed out.. Didn’t set an alarm, I figured I had only 2 hours of sleep I didn’t know fi I would make church or not.. ( I woke up at 11am.. which TECHNICALLY was 10am, which is when church starts, but since day lights savings time, I ended up waking up when it was ending :() any who..

11am Lost an hour of sleep.. so technically 10am… Got home at 7am…. 3 hours of SOLID sleep, woke up just fine..
Made a protein shake. Myofusion (probiotic or whatever? tastes like shit), banana and almond butter ice water.

I realized my phone wasn’t working.. nothing I would do to it would start it.. (and I have had my fair share of broken apple products) so I ended up making an apt for the north brook apple store (closet one, and thank god I made an apt)…

So I drive all the way to apple by my work, and as Im turning into the parking lot my phone turns on by my jiggling the button a little bit.. so I was like wtf.. should I even go in the mall (i have a shopping problem) but I said fuck it.. might as well just tell them I won’t be coming, so got out and entered north brook court…
As I am walking, half way to Apple my phone turns off again.. and won’t turn back on.. awesome.
Walk into the store, give my name and instantly is helped. Drew helped me actually.. and he had swagger.. random detail but it was cute.. he brought it into the back and came out maybe 5-8min later and said it was completely fried. fucking fuck….. yeah..
So $250 later.. have a brand new WHITE iPhone S this time.. I knew I was eligible for an upgrade so it wasn’t TOO bad, but def wasn’t looking to spend that much money considering I just spent a little over $100 the day before.. So money is BACK to being tight lmfao….. UGHHHHH

And here the bottom picture is the phone actually picked up a charge.
And now I have 2 iPhones…..

BUTTTT THE CAMERA IS SSSSSIIICK!!!! Seriously IN fucking LOVE. It takes some of the nicest pictures.. I also picked up another iPod.. just a shuffle though.. only $50.. yeah i guess I didn’t NEED it but it was only $50 more lol and instead of using my iPhone for music and getting it all sweaty might as well suck it upp..

Yeah.. so blahblahblah

Go to H&R block they helped me out. Taxes are sent.
Visited a mattress store and the lady was SUPER helpful. Family owned, priced a Queen mattress for $450-
Mom later texted me about someone in my brothers apt selling a mattress for 80$ might go pick it up tomorrow. It is really nice..
Went to Jewel for a few things.. If  I wasn’t broke enough.

Got my pineapple
Meat
Bananas
Onions
Drinks and strawberies 🙂 just a little pit stop..
Lol no I didn’t get the oreos.. thought it would be a cool picture……&&

SAW THE CUTEST PUPPY EVER!!!!

Headed home FINALLY!! and to think I was hungover and got all this accomplished! Made a delicious steak and corn before working out..

Left for the gym I don’t know what time actually, did bi’s and tri’s wasn’t a bad workout actually.. Didn’t do core, because I left Marley home alone.. then I realized i left the dryer running too.. and was imagining the worst!!!! :(:(:(:( But came home, made a shake, for the protein lol made it again (rather just added a scoop of whey) and now I am here haha..

Post Workout Shake.
Pineapple
Chia seeds
Vanilla Whey P Powder
Oatmeal
Coconut Milk
Coconut Oil
Ice

OH Also made a pizookie yesterday made out of chickpeas.. Here is the recipe.. Turned out just fine.. WAYYY better warm though, and if you can make the ice milk I think it would be even better.. My sister didn’t even know they were made out of chickpeas..

Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pizookie

(gluten free!)

Obviously inspired by the Deep-Dish Cookie Pie.

• 2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
• 1 cup quick oats
• 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin (or butternut squash or sweet potato)
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 and 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 3 T canola oil (or coconut oil)
• 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (You can try adding less sugar, if you’re used to healthy desserts; I chose to use this much because the people to whom I served it are used to “normal” desserts. Also, white sugar will work if you don’t have brown. Also: I know some readers have successfully made my original pie with agave.)
• 1 cup chocolate chips

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. (Blend until it’s super-smooth.) Mix in chips, and pour into a pan. (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want areally deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

If desired, you can top this pie with Vanilla Ice Milk.

But the pizookie is so soft and so sweet and so gooey that it really doesn’t need any toppings at all.

Here is my picture lol.

Still tasted good though..

912pm My stomach hurts so bad… I don’t know what it is.. I think I need to lay off the flax and shit because my stomach is in knots…

Gonna go make some food in a bit…. then head to bed. Finished laundry chilled for a bit, now its getting close to my bed time… Btw taxes STILL DIDNT GO THRU!!!!! dumb fucking idiots.

Goodnight ❤

Day 20 The N Word?

 Mark Twain wrote that
“the difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter.”

So my hunger pains in the morning are So bad 😦 its almost like I can’t wake up fast enough to eat, they literally hurt so bad. So this morning when I go downstairs to make something my mom brings up this article she just read. In which a high school teacher (or a different level of education) called Whitney Houston a Nigger on his Facebook.  So while she is explaining on why she doesn’t think the punishment fit the crime (he was suspended), and that he shouldn’t of gotten reprimanded at all, I was biting my tongue.

I usually have the “i don’t give a fuck additude” practically all the time, but this time I was actually in favor of it. Why would a EDUCATION TEACHER use “nigger” to DESCRIBE Whitney Houston? Honestly?

You couldn’t of found a better word to use to describe someone? Unless you were trying to piss on her grave.

That is of course, he said “Whitney Houston was my nigga!” (which could be, I actually didn’t read it lol), then I could understand. But what kind of M O R O N uses a  RACIAL SLUR to describe someone who just died. Yeah.. I think this may just be a little case of racism. How else could you POSSIBLY justify that. Unless you are on drugs.

I wonder if he was on drugs and doesn’t remember logging onto Facebook and writing a status about Whitney…. hmmm..

ANYWHO

I obviously wrote my Facebook status about it (apparently I found a good reason to have 5000+ friends), and you got people saying its America and you can say what you want, then you get people trying to define it.

30 comments (the smoking and obesity one had over 75 haha).

“No one should be using that word.. Any word that insults or offends someone shouldn’t be used..”

“Say nigga and its all good !! The other one is offensive because of what it means …. Nigga is like saying what’s up homie or what’s up brah , I still don’t use it but see a lot of my friends say it Haha … And a lot of my friends are black so I feel weird using that word ”

“Its a very touchy subject becuz how the word started. Today its rarel used in the same term as it was in the old days, but to some it still holds the same weight. Me i lived in prejudice and ive dealt witb prejudice but it doesnt control my life. People give this word too much power.”

“Who said they can use the word freely? Who ever thinks they can use the word freely. Go to the south side find some thugged out ass nigga and say that word “freely” and see wtf happens lmao.”

“i agree. i say nigga all the time. if its such a horrible word than maybe it shoukdnt be in every fuxking rap song every 5 words”

^(This is what my mom was trying to get at. That since its being used without questioning morals/values/racism, that why should a teacher get suspended for saying it on his Facebook).  I can understand this point BUT he used it in a derogatory manner. In a way that was meant to hurt, or “bash” whitney. He didn’t just MISTAKENLY said it, like it just slipped. It was intentional and SHOULD be recognized. ESPECIALLY because he is suppose to be someone people look up to, who listen to, and grow from. It’s a bad example and he needs to know the severity of ignorance and what it will cost you.

The N-Word is no different. And because this word is only a word, black people have to stop getting offended at its use by white people. I personally am more offended when a white person tries to use it the way we do or in the spirit of camaraderie. And my uneasiness has more to do with the fact that it comes out so unnaturally and phony. That word has become a part of who we are and so it rolls off of our tongue naturally. White people will never be able to say the word in a way that doesn’t make every listener cringe. After all, there are millions of words, whether you want to insult or edify someone, at your disposal. It won’t hurt white people if they can’t use this one — will it?
(this is actually from rolling out.com but when I found the picture I read the article and I COULD N O T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF!)

You don’t see me walking down the street saying what up cunt? Words (good or bad) should not be ignorantly used, (this could even stem as far as last weeks psych class and how this girl called W. Houston a “piece of shit” LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?! Did you personally know her? WHy would ANYONE ever judge someone on their way of life. You do NOT know peoples struggles and judging someone before you actually know someone is ruthless and so sad), because words HURT. Words do not just disappear from ones mind/thoughts.

words =powerful. VERY POWERFUL. Use them wisely. 

Sorry, I’ve been ranting a lot and I wish everything that comes out of my mouth is recorded because remembering all my KEY points is hard, especially when I have PB&J blondies cooking in the oven.

This turned out okay. Had I made them correctly they would definitely curb a sweet craving. I added PB2 instead of actual PB. And I didn’t use all the B. Sugar they wanted.

So it was sweet, not TOO sweet, but def not enough PB taste 😦
But no big deal, they are half gone. Awesome.

So real quick :

9am green smoothie (spinach banana mango flax fiber ice orange juice and L-Carnitine).
&& I ate some PB&J squares.

1pm “meatloaf” and some leftover cauliflower “potatoes” (only ate 1/2).

2pm Leg Work Out:

Deadlift:

2 sets of 10reps x 65lbs

1 set of 8 reps x 75lbs

1 set of 6 reps x 85lbs

Back Ext:

3 sets of 8 reps x 45lbs

Lunges:

2 sets of 25 reps x 40lbs

2 sets of 25 reps x BW

Leg Ext:

1 set of 12 reps x 65 lbs

1 set of 10 reps x 80 lbs

2 set of 9 reps x 95lbs

1 set of 8 reps x 110lbs

1 set of 6 reps x 125lbs

1 set of 4 reps x 140lbs

3pm Myofusion and Banana Protein Shake.

330pm Took Marley to Mike’s house , so she could meet Deuce. I have some really cool pictures of the two together. Deuce was like in LOVE with Marley and wouldn’t leave her alone. They played for a hour straight (played in the water with the ducks too lol) and now she is PASSED the fuck out on the couch.

6pm Ate the rest of the meat loaf and cauliflower.

So……. I’m debating whether to go out or not tonight. I would drive…. be the big DD, but I KNOW I will drink 😦 I succumb to peer pressure thats why I don’t ever go out. Granted it wouldn’t be that bad (but if I have to drive they can suck it), but I don’t want those extra calories. Since I more a shot girl then mixed drink or beer, so lets google how many calories are in a shot of vodka.

The last one has less calories right? 😉

70 Proof Vodka

On average, 70 proof vodka (35% alcohol) has 85 calories per shot (1.5 ounces).
This is approximately 55 calories per ounce.

80 Proof Vodka

On average, 80 proof vodka (40% alcohol) has 100 calories per shot (1.5 ounces).
This is approximately 65 calories per ounce.

 90 Proof Vodka

On average, 90 proof vodka (45% alcohol) has 115 calories per shot (1.5 ounces).
This is approximately 75 calories per ounce.

100 Proof Vodka

On average, 100 proof vodka (50% alcohol) has 130 calories per shot (1.5 ounces).
This is approximately 85 calories per ounce.

Yeah.. no thank you.

1. If I was able to, I’d rather have a cupcake.
2. You can’t go to Chicago counting calories. AND RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO!

HMMMMM I don’t know. It’s about 7pm, I probably have another hour or so to decide. Mike kind  of wants to go, maybe just needs a DD lol so maybe Ill do it for him. jk. thats stupid.

Got to stay focussed.

Bikini comp details/ LIFESTYLE CHANGE!

So far, I haven’t craved anything really. The baking curbs any need for “sweets”.

What are my have snacks or desserts?

• Lara Bars
• Green Smoothies.
• Sugar cookies (made with chickpeas)
• Justin’s Almond Butter Packets

SO this is what I turn too when I am craving something sweet.  I do want to get raw cacao now, because all my recipes call for it.. and I’ll finally be able to have some chocolate!  As you know, I have my little guilty pleasure of diet sodas and SF Red Bull. Usually getting a drink helps me not want to snack which is good. Baking also helps when your hungry, because it takes time, but when the product comes out, thats the hardest lol.

Lately I’ve been having GREAT will power, and haven’t thought about bingeing (Greg did leave a twix on my desk and I was so fucking pissed).

However, I am tired lately, but it’s probably a combination of lack of carbs and working out regularly now. I did look in the mirror at a bad angle and it kind of warmed my blood a little bit. Ugh I am so fucking impatient. I think that bingeing for 4 weeks straight is going to just DISAPPEAR in 20 days.. LOL .. of course I don’t (irrational-this is not biggest loser) and I tell my clients this all the time. It is fun to watch your body transform though. Speaking of which, I have to start taking progress pics tomorrow. NOT happy. And I won’t show any of you readers then till probably the end of the contest prep. I will however post a before and afters blog tomorrow 🙂 It’s just a little motivation for myself. ❤

I am going to go make another protein shake and then I am going to head to bed. I think I need to start organizing this blog a little more. I feel myself getting overwhelmed. umph.

Goodnight ❤