Friday night and I am updating my blog. Exciting much?!

Feeling like crap today. Had a couple of good work outs the last few days after having 4 days off. I did an upper body work out on thursday (last week) and on saturday morning I felt completely paralyzed. Even the blanket that I was sleeping with felt like concrete. I had to go into work for a few hours and even that wasn’t a good idea. I tried to show a client how to do a shoulder press with a 20lb BB and I could barely lift it. It only got worse after that. I felt like I tore shit up. The only thing I can think of is when I did BW (body weight) pull ups. I am only use to doing assisted pull ups so I figured that I ACTUALLY used my back muscles and they were NOT excited about it. THENNNNN I couldn’t even fully extend my right arm without shooting pain. H thought I pinched a nerve, but its probably my body telling me to back the fuck off for a bit. So I did. Then went back at it as soon as I felt better…. Story of my life. I feel good though outside of .. other issues.. girl issues. But they are hitting me hard. I did 30 minutes on the stair master which seem to subside the pain but as soon as I stepped off of it, pain was even worse. Luckily I only had a few more clients and got to go home and get medicine. Friday night will consist of red box and egg whites.

Why egg whites you may ask? Lmao.. Because I finally decided to track my macros (macronutrients: fats, protein, carbs) and holy shit no wonder I have been stuck at 150lbs. 8pm and I’ve already consumed 1500 calories 175g carbs 50g fat 80g protein. H and I discussed what I should be hitting and the totals were 1700 calories 180g carbs 60g fat 180g protein. So in other words.. I have 200 calories left and need about 5g carbs, 10g fat and 100g protein.. Yeah.. good luck with that. I really didn’t plan anything all I did was track what I would normally eat from day to day… Knowing that, it has truly opened my eyes considering I would probably have 1-2 more meals before I went to bed tonight.. That being said, I really need to start paying attention to what I am eating. I guess I never really cared because I wasn’t gaining weight but now I want to try to start leaning out. I am only doing about 2 sessions of 30 minutes of cardio so yes I could do more. I could also do a little more of high intensity lifting instead of counting calories/carbs ext but I don’t want to lose anything that I have worked for via cardio. I made that mistake my first bikini competition and will not do it again. That and cardio sucks. A lot. I mean.. come on.. unless you’re boxing or doing plyos or something, the treadmill/stair master and I definitely have a love hate relationship going on. I hate it, but love what cardio does for the body (well.. when you are smart about it). My polar heart rate (GOOGLE!! It is one of the best inventions ever) tracks my calories burned via my work outs and its about 4-5000 calories a week. Again, thats practically straight lifting.

So, what does 1500 calories look like? Well, today I had:

Breakfast:
1/2 c grape nuts (straight addicted to them) 200cals
1/2 c milk 60cals
1/2 c watermelon 30cals
4 pieces of turkey bacon 100cals

Protein shake:
6oz greek yogurt 100cals
1/2 c blueberries w/ water 84cals

Post Work Out:
1 WW pita bread 200cals
2 TBS peanut butter 210cals

Dinner:
6oz chicken/beef 230cals
1c brown rice 230cals

Snack:
1/2 c cottage cheese 90cals

I also had some egg whites I didn’t account for. So.. clearly over 1500 calories. Unreal. I was probably having at least 2000 calories a day. Granted I probably burned more on those days (Only burned about 300 calories on the stair master today).. but still. That’s A LOT!

Oh man. I am def going to put more thought into what I am doing now that I am getting serious about my training. I am seeing results though and feel like I am getting stronger but that scale is NOT budging. I really could care less.. but its clearly because I am consuming a crap ton of food!

Post eating deep fried mac and cheese, funnel stix and a burger with cheese fries!

Nothing too special, but the definition I am seeing in my arms is 100% more than I have ever seen before..

Here are a few progress pictures to end this blog because I am getting super tired and want to do a spin class tomorrow morning. If you haven’t tried one, I suggest you do some time. It is a GREAT work out (if you actually put effort into it) and really enhances your endurance quickly. I’ve burned over 1000 calories in a class.. meaning.. I CAN EAT! lol.. I’m jk.. don’t look at it like that, think of food as fuel. Speaking of which..  Had a younger girl today puke on me. Not literally.. just via my training session with her. Can you guess why? Because it was 2pm and the only thing she had was a banana. Yep.. a banana. Why on earth would you go without eating then try to train? As you may know, I’ve had my fair share of eating disorders but I don’t think I would work out that intensely. I would just starve. Yes, consuming a small amount of calories is bound to lose weight quickly but it is not healthy. You are at risk of losing muscle and not fat. So why do that when you can eat and look good? Did you read that right? YOU CAN EAT AND STILL LOOK GOOD!!!!! I just wish people listened. I didn’t have anyone telling me that what I was doing was wrong. I just saw the changes (not even good ones, just a change in the scale) and thought why stop now? Anyways, I may not know everything (CLEARLLLLLYYY I don’t) but I know and have common sense and starving.. is not worth it.

You can live a normal life without “dieting”, just eat healthy, and get moving. I can’t stress this enough.

No more dreaming..

Weekly Check Up :P

A lot of things are happening and seems to me that the more effort I put in, the greater the outcome. How funny that its common sense, yet until I felt like I hit rock bottom, has it really opened my eyes..

My promotion at work was accepted and it will start July 1st, hopefully making a little more money than I currently am. Considering, I am busting my ass and still living paycheck to paycheck. I know it’s not forever, but damn does each day feel like it. It’s really hard sometimes and recently has been some of the hardest. Even contemplating getting a second job, or leaving training completely till I can keep my head above water. Obviously that isn’t what I want to do but sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do in order for everything else to fall into place. The last thing I want to do is go spend a couple of months serving and waiting tables but it has crossed my mind more than once. We will see, praying that things work out for the best.

I do have a business proposition that came about a few days ago. Someone willing to invest in what I have to offer. The hard thing? I don’t know what I have to offer.

I get so overwhelmed with things that they end up sitting on the back burner. Out of sight, out of mind. This isn’t and hasn’t been the best approach, yet I can;t seem to calm the anxiety I get from over thinking just about every damn thing. All I know is that I need to seriously put time and effort into focusing on what I want to achieve than just hoping one day I get some lucky break. No one is going to do this for me. I need to get my head out of my ass and put these dreams into sight, into true opportunities. It is right in front of me and I need to hold on for dear life.

Other than the normal life rollercoaster, my work outs/progress have been really taking my mind off everything. Instead of worrying how much money I have left till next paycheck, I am thinking about how much weight I want to progress up too, how sore my muscles are, how good I feel. Stressing my body, not my mind. Have been having super awesome workouts thanks to H @ the gym. Still learning new techniques and the proper form when lifting heavy and using it to my full potential.

6/21/13

It’s amazing to see what the body can achieve by just believing that it can be done. Now I just need to have that mind-set when discussing my future and what it holds. I can do it. Plain and simple. Whatever task is in front of me, I want to concur it. I beat myself up all the time, whether it’s not being able to finish a full set or thinking I have no potential in well, anything. It gets me down no doubt, but I will overcome these obstacles I place on myself. I will achieve greatness one way or another.

Here is a progress picture from this morning. The dude and I went to BWW after a late night fishing session. I caught probably 5 little guys, see:

My first little guy of the evening 🙂 .. and yes hes pooping.

..but ended up getting attacked by mosquitos so my pansy ass wanted to wait in the car. He ended up not caring so we left and grabbed a bite to eat. Wasn’t a horrible night, I got upset over something stupid but chose not to talk about it because I need to realize I can handle this shit on my own. It’s like breaking a bad habit. I WILL get there and hopefully it will be another piece glued back towards our trust…

Buffalo Wild Wings FTW!

I got 2 whole wheat wraps with ranch on the side but also opted for 5 boneless wings in BBQ (they were .60!!!) lol.. I didn’t care either way, I haven’t had a cheat meal in the longest time so there’s my validation. Not to mention the next day I would have a KILLER leg work out, burning over 1200 calories. Yes, 1200!! Still barely doing any cardio. Maybe about an hour a week. Yes, I could do more but I don’t think I will just yet. I know I want to be super lean but I need to figure out my body first. It’s a science and it’s almost too easy that it becomes difficult at times. But its nice when you have other people supporting you and going through the same shit. Makes it feel..less bad.. and painful.. lol. No it doesn’t actually. My body is so sore I can only imagine what tomorrow is going to feel like.

Work out consisted of:
Squats- couple sets of 125 ( I believe.. isn’t the bar 35? 25? fuck. But 2 (45) plates) Leg Press– couple sets of 270
Leg Ext- the chica and I did about 60 for 12 reps. Little did we know that was too little, so we had to do another set or 2 of 120lbs LMAO!
w/ Body weight Lunges– 100 total
I finished with 3 sets of box squats of a little more than 125. I can’t remember though.

Didn’t have enough time, but needed to do a little more hamstring work but almost a good thing I didn’t because my legs (excuse me, ENTIRE BODY) was achey.. AKA GAME OVER!!!!!!!  ughhh ;P

Post Work Out Leftovers

(I also had extra chicken in my car because there wasn’t enough protein in one of those to even be beneficial lol). I also had an additional 40g of carbs via another piece of pita bread and a couple oz of gatorade.

..Though, decided to do a spin class with a couple of my girl clients tomorrow morning. It is such a great work out if you push yourself. You have the potential to burn 800 to over 1000 calories. Not to mention, is a great way to increase your endurance. However, my legs my lanta. Fingers crossed I’ll be able to do it tomorrow 🙂

Still eating quite a bit. Again, hopefully I will put more time into writing my food log down but in a couple of weeks I will be calorie counting so it;ll make it easier to just copy and paste. And yes you heard that right, calorie counting. Now I RARELY do this and practically tell my clients not to (for multiple reasons).. I think it becomes tedious, repetitive at times but more so overwhelming. Other than that, I think if you are consistently working out and eating the right foods, that you shouldn’t worry about how many calories you’re consuming unless 1. you AREN’T eating enough (VERY common), 2. you AREN’T losing weight/inches (the scale should NOT be your idea of a measurement of progress!!!!) 3. competing. Other than that, say NO to diets and start living a healthy lifestyle. If you aren’t being active and don’t care what you eat, weight gain is almost inevitable.. Because in the end, it is about calories in vs calories out. But in no way do I want people to start weighing and measuring food and being meticulous about it because it almost does more harm than good. Yes I will have people disagreeing with me but you also haven’t suffered multiple eating disorders and I am telling you, once you start getting carried away it no longer becomes healthy.

My breakfast for the last 2 days.. Mmmm

Here is a WHOLE WHEAT Pita (with only 4 ingredients!!!!!!!!!!!) toasted, with an ALL NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER (only ingredients are Peanuts and salt I believe), mixed with Myofusions Chocolate protein powder. Tasted like nutella (no lie).

Any who.. I am going to relax and watch a movie. I’m going to keep stretching and possibly do a little core work (since I haven’t done anything in about a week smh..).. Other than that, tonight is a well deserved rest night ;P

Happy.

Doing pretty good lately. Things are slowly starting to come together and I couldn’t be more happier. This is by far the longest I have gone with out bingeing or beating myself up over food or extra calories. I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon either. It just feels so good.

Granted I still have my bad days, the ones where I don’t want to get out of bed (mostly due to being sore lol) but nothing has ultimately stopped me dead in my tracks just yet, or have tried to derail my progress (fingers crossed!). Yes everything still isn’t how I imagined it but I am having fun on this little journey of mine. I have been training with a co worker of mine, like previously mentioned, and I am so ecstatic by it. Not only is he helping me physically, but mentally as well. I am slowly but surely becoming a better trainer and I couldn’t thank him enough. He is truly fantastic and deserves a lot more credit then being mentioned in my blog. I have reached new limits and improving just about everything in regards to working out. I think it has definitely helped in every aspect of my life. Funny how such a small part of life could open the eyes to something bigger.

I just feel better…

My promotion papers have been sent in and I am looking forward to that. Hopefully it will be enough where I don’t have to quit training completely but who knows.. time will tell. Other than work and working out (even though that’s mainly.. about 70% of my life.. the other 30% is sleeping.. fersure).. the boy and I have been doing well too. Went to Great Lakes Drag Strip last night, and although at first I was in a bad mood, it wasn’t so boring. Not that it usually is or anything but I was super tired and didn’t feel like babysitting for hours.. if you know what I mean 😛 My girls came through and I think that helped a lot. Got pissed for about 15 minutes because I hate vindictive females but nothing a burger couldn’t fix. Damn.. talk about emotional eating eh? But seriously.. I haven’t really had a cheat meal and figured eating a burger (with the top part of the bread missing. Not because of the carbs, more so because they put CHEESE on it!!!!! If I wanted cheese, I’d ask for a motherfucking cheeseburger..!!! fml lol) would be better than starving (I did have a quest bar in the car I saved for the ride home though..).. and after a little while later the boy insisted on getting a funnel cake. He was actually pretty pissed when I came back from the bathroom without one so, we went together and I stole a few pieces. Nothing to worry about and nothing to get upset about and surely I was not 🙂

Look @ that beautiful smile. Damn..

Came home while my mom was still up (and after she almost punted my cat right back outside after he brought home 2 dead baby rabbits. It was so sad).. and offered us a piece of cake. Her homemade cake is so legit. I passed but gave a slice to the boy, only after I stole a bite 🙂 He woke up pretty early and headed to work while I dosed off for a few more hours. Got to work around 10am, had clients till about 1 then worked out for a little less than an hour.

mama bears homemade cake 😛

Everything is sore. Tomorrow I am for sure taking a day off.. no active resting no fucking nothing because I can’t handle it lmao. My wrists are achy my forearms hurt.. the middle of my hands hurt.. my shoulders hurt from awkwardly laying down and typing this.. I am just a mess. Definitely going to get some good sleep and just chill the weekend away. Hopefully sunday is nice out so I can get some color, because after those progress pictures this morning.. I sure as fuck need it.. lol.

Look.. my ass looks big.. but its the pants. These two pics (bikini and this one) are 2 days apart. It’s an illusion.

 

Here have been a few things I have been eating lately.. This is just a reminder that you don’t have to just eat chicken veggies and an apple here and there.. GET CREATIVE! Just be smart about it.. That’s all it really takes..

A PB&J on Kashi Waffles

Yes.. I even go to Chipotle! Def after a leg day.. This was actually when I attempted to deadlift 200 something..

But take Chipotle for example.. Eating out doesn’t have to be something you can’t/don’t do while trying to live a healthy lifestyle. It is ALL ABOUT CHOICES!! So make the best of them. I got brown rice, veggies, 1/2 steak 1/2 chicken and called it a day..

“Pizza” on a garbanzo bean crust:

2/3c garbanzo flour
1/4tsp salt
1/4tsp rosemary
1/4tsp thyme

Recipe from: rippedrecipes.com – Go check them out. They have some dope ass recipes!

I have to have meat. I believe this was after a leg day..

I eat pretty good throughout the week. Limiting cheats to one day a week, but consuming way more calories on leg days. I have been using my polar heart rate monitor and I can’t believe I went years without using it. It really is such a great tool. One day though, I want to wear it all day long.. (maybe on sunday) on a day where I don’t do any formal exercise, to really see how many calories my body burns just by breathing, being alive (your BMR) ext. I think that would be really helpful in knowing how many calories to be consuming (outside of working out). It also holds me accountable. You have weekly goals and at the end of the week if you reached them all you get a trophy, and I want that motherfucking trophy 🙂

Other than that.. Life has been pretty normal. Working, Eating, Working Out, Sleeping.. you know, the usual. So far, still don’t mind it.. really just trying to get back on my feet. Slowly but surely.

Thanking God every day.

You know squat? … Exactly.

So .. I suppose with how many people have viewed my instagram account, has the potential to look at my blog (at LEAST once). Knowing that.. super awkward. I don’t know. I guess I always jump around from professional to .. well not so much. This blog is just a story about me and my life and how it affects my training lifestyle (i.e. eating disorders, emotional eating, plain old life situations ext). I know squat should be taken literally.. not figuratively as in my fitness “wannabe” background. I really lose all focus with insecurities present, that I know I look like a fool.

I also think I over analyze every possible situation.

I might possibly step away from the personal training part of my life till I finish school and get my head above water. Though I truly do love what I do, I have to be taken seriously and I can’t give anyone any reason to doubt me. Maybe I’ll explore other options that could possibly just be a foot in the door instead of wasting time away waitressing or cleaning fucking toilets. Although, if it paid more than what I am now.. I highly think I’d consider.

Can’t be forever right?
🙂

Anyways.. once I think I can manage an actually successful website, this one really isn’t suppose to be taken seriously. I throw in recipes, progress pictures and the word fuck in this blog but in the end the title is what it is in that manor.

On the brighter side, I attempted to squat 205 a couple of times (yes of course with a spot, who I might add, is seriously fantastic)!!!! Notice attempted.. because to be honest.. as much as I work as a personal trainer I need to focus on really getting my act together.. I want to lift heavy, as fuck, for sure but as much as I think I know what I’m doing I don’t fucking do it. Here I am telling my clients to squeeze this, do that but holy fuck it like all disappears from my mind when I train myself… I think I just need to get use to a workout buddy, a spot, simply a trainer training me. But don’t get me wrong, I fucking love it.

Just thought I’d give a clearer idea of what this blog was about. For now, it’s nothing special just random as hell thoughts, pictures and the roller coaster of a ride my life has become..

Anyways, I have to be up soon about 5 hours of sleep to wake up see if a client comes in, sit in sauna, eat take a nap and go back to work. I seriously wish W was as short of a distance that RLB was. I would go home any hour or two I had off.. because well..

I love sleep. 🙂
and eating.

Like my skinny cow ice cream I am about to demolish. Strawberry Shortcake if you wanted to know.

;D

Goodnight xo

I’m pretty boring, but hey! It’s all good.

Well.. its one thing after another lately.. Seems that life keeps kicking me when all I’m trying to do is stand up!

But I’m trying to fight back. It’s all I can do. Being proactive about the job search and the opportunities that may come my way. Really just trying to find a job where I continue to do what I love, but also get compensated for it, enough to not only pay my bills but to have SOME what of a life.. because I don’t do anything. Not exaggerating.. I work, workout, eat and sleep. Right now though, it’s not that bad. I don’t mind it because I am truly trying to get ahead in life. I don’t care to go out and drink. I’d rather prove to the world that I have a gift that I’m trying to share!

One day right.. one day.

Having a good start to the weekend though.. Went to work and did my thing, bought some groceries:

The Essentials: Chicken, Eggs, Greek Yogurt, Cottage Cheese, Bananas and Veggie Chips. I also picked up some grapples (apples that taste like grapes), Arctic Zero Ice cream that has only 150 calories for the entire pint and Skinny Cow Snickerdoodle Ice cream Sandwiches. I’ve tried the Strawberry Shortcake and they were fantastic. The Cookies & Dough Bars are crap, so I will see how the SD ones are. Also want to try the Cookies & Cream Sandwiches but they didn’t have them in stock. Probably because SC has been sold for $6.50 and Walmart was selling them for $3.50!!!! MMMM.. remember.. calories in vs calories out (and everything in moderation!)!!

..arrived home and went for a 5+ mile walk with Marley and my mom. It was nice. We spent about 2 hours and afterwards picked up some salads:

All my mom was doing was talking about pizza, about a mile left of our walk and I was actually contemplating it as well! Haha.. I can always go for some pizza 🙂 But we chose to do salads instead which is always better.. well.. not always because well.. pizza will ALWAYS be better.. just not.. better for you. lol. Besides, going out for sushi later so I can save my carbs for then 😉

Speaking of carbs and walking, I have been taking some time off from lifting. Nothing too crazy but after that dead lift I was out of commission (lol). That definitely took A LOT out of me and I wasn’t expecting it. It was nice to lift my heaviest but my body took a toll. I suppose it’s a give/take relationship (: It’s not horrible though.. yes I am fiening (sp?) for the gym but taking time off to fully recover is the right thing to do. Some of my clients think working through the pain all the time, never missing a work out, ext is better.. but (not in all cases) it could be working against you. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! If you think you should take some time off, TAKE IT! The gym will always be there. Don’t risk injury for calories being burned. You can always stay active without going to the gym and stressing your body to the max. Go out for a BRISK (yes BRISK) walk, jog a little.. do body weight exercises (squats, lunges, wall sits, planks) during commercials. Just get moving and you don’t have to stress about always making time for the gym. Get creative and working out won’t be so horrible.

I do watch my calories (or how much “bad” stuff) I eat when I don’t make it to the gym. Yes if you are working out in a home gym or with weights you’ll burn more calories but if you can’t make it to the gym DON’T STRESS! Just watch what you’re eating. Stick to clean foods so you don’t feel even more guilty about not walking in the doors of a LA Fitness or X Sport… Because once again, it’s about calories in vs calories out. Just be conscious.. not naive. You know what you should do, shouldnt do.. what to eat, what you “shouldn’t” eat.. Just live your life in moderation and the weight won’t pile on when you stop being as active (especially in times of injury/surgery ext. This is when people gain the most weight. When they physically can’t exercise).

Don’t make exercising a chore, nor limit yourself to a “diet” because you don’t need to! Trust me! Just start eating healthy (foods that are GOOD for you!!!!), go for walks/jogs/runs, join a bike club, SOMETHING to get the heart going and you will start getting more and more motivated by how wonderful you feel 🙂

If all you get out of this post was that I deadlifted 230lbs, that’s fine.

Have been having some really bad days lately. Mostly because of my attitude towards it all, but it is really hard to stay positive when you are going broke doing what you love to do. I just feel that I am stuck. Even more overwhelmed that I feel stuck in the first place. It’s almost like binging.. One horrible, vicious cycle in which I am doing to myself.

No one is making me stay at this company. No one has a gun to my head telling me I can’t leave.. Yet I feel like trying to find a new job would not entirely help the situation. I would have to find all new clients, go practically paycheckless for 2ish months, literally start from the bottom all over again and I don’t think that makes a lot of sense right now. Hopefully my boss puts in a good word to snag a promotion sooner than later, because I feel like I will have no choice but to leave. I really don’t want to, at least not now. I have a LIST of horrible things this company does, and that I am against but I LOVE personal training, I LOVE my clients. I don’t know.. I really have no idea what to do and I cry myself to sleep every night praying to God to help me through all this.

It has gotten to a point where I have been asking my boyfriend for money to pay my bills.. something I am super ashamed about but something that I appreciate dearly. Hopefully I will get my head out of my ass and will start stepping in the right direction instead of huge piles of shit all the damn time. I just hate being taken advantage of.. I am BUSTING my ass and putting so much thought and effort into every one of my clients, all to get pennies off the dollar. It’s sad.. it really is that a company as big as this one validates paying there trainers a little as they do. It is MIND BLOWING. But I continue to work there.. don’t I? So who the fuck else do I have to blame except, yet again, myself?

The only good I see coming from this experience though, is the thought of starting my own business. I have so many ideas that that alone gets me overwhelmed as well.. but it’s a little piece of hope I continue to hold on too..

Maybe one day..

Now that thats off my chest.. I DEADLIFTED 230lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yup… a whopping 230 for 2 reps (lol).. After I dropped the weight, I had 3 people come up to me shaking my hand, telling me how impressive it was. I felt famous for like 2.5 seconds and I FREAKING LOVED IT! Granted, I had a spot and I used straps (I have never lifted with straps before but holyhell I can see why people use them. It helped SO much that I am thinking of purchasing a pair.. in pink of course!).. but I did it! I was so happy. So happy that it turned my horribly awful day into a freakin GREAT ONE! I was on cloud 9 for the remainder of the day lol.. till.. well I got home. I was INSTANTLY sore.. mostly because I lifted the second rep wrong and used my back instead of my legs (WHICH IS DANGEROUS! DO NOT DO!), and spent the rest of the night on a heating pad. The next day (today), was even worse.. Which I knew was going to happen because well.. I have been lifting for a while now and I know damn well the next few days afterwards are incredibly painful lol. I got foam rolled though which will help with the recovery process, but let me tell you.. THAT WAS UNBEARBALE! Now.. I have gotten tattooed on the ribs, and have had my tongue/nose pierced.. but o m g, that had me in tears. I almost had them stop it was that bad.. Shit.. I’m like cringing as I write this lol… So, I took a slight rest day today.. Did a slow pace walk for 40 minutes and continued to stretch through out the day. Over all.. WORTH IT! I really need to start training with a spotter though.. I have so much potential yet don’t lift as heavy as I can in fear I’ll either look like a dumbass or.. I’ll look like a dumbass when the weight comes crashing down on me lol.. Either way.. I know that with someone there that I could lift SOOOOO much heavier and I NEED that. I need to start progressing.. Yes, I am losing weight but it’s not all about that. I just want to get stronger.. Now if only it wasn’t just physically but mentally too..

Ohh.. one step at a time..

Road to Ripped Progress Pictures :D

Do you ever get frustrated that you’re working so hard but not seeing results as quickly as you’d wish? Many people don’t realize that they’re building a foundation for their health and that success will not happen overnight. It is a slow process in which you are constantly building and learning. It is extremely important to create a foundation that will remain strong even in times of crisis.

It has taken me over 10 years to get to where I am right now. I have struggled and battled every eating disorder out there trying to become what I thought was “perfection”. I starved and have puked myself thin to a point where vessels in my eyes have burst, I coughed up blood almost daily, and consumed no more than 500 calories a day. You think this sounded like happiness? You think this was at all “perfect?” Who would want to live their life like this?

Apparently, I did for years. It wasn’t until I started working at a gym and learning the healthy way of becoming fit..healthy..happy.. I still struggled and I continue to struggle but at this point in my life, I can say that I have become a better person through all of it. It still isn’t easy and I still dread looking in the mirror sometimes but at the end of the day I am proud of what I have accomplished. I know my blog has become somewhat depressing but I don’t give a shit. This is my blog and a way that I can look back and see how far I have become. I go through bad, horrible, unimaginable emotional days but I know what needs to be done in order for me to like myself. Yes.. like myself. I know this world isn’t ALL about outside appearance, and beauty and looking perfect..but it sure seems that way. Maybe that’s where all this stemmed from… Looking at airbrushed the fuck up magazines… starring relentlessly at amazingly conditioned bodies at the gym.. whatever it was.. it consumed me. I will now and forever live my life preaching to the world just how important becoming healthy truly is. Not just for the world to look and comment how beautiful you are, but to honestly feel it inside. I remember looking in the mirror one day at the gym and amazed at the progress I saw. It opened my eyes to just how important treating yourself with respect really was.. And for that, I will devote my time and love into supporting whomever wants to take the journey with me… not just my idea of “road to ripped”..but the road to true inner happiness…

Well.. now that I got that mushy gushy shit off my chest.. I have gathered some pictures after scrolling through 20,000 pictures..yes there are over 20,000 pictures on my Mac.. LOL.. and would like to share some progress pictures, along with what I eat, with you.

Now.. this isn’t the end result. This isn’t the “final” product.. I am sure you will all be the first to know when I feel like I am “there”..but this is just that.. my progress thus far. I really wish I had old pictures of back when I was skin and bones because THAT would be the true progress. I went from being 98lbs (I am 5’7) to a whopping 150+ ( I stopped weighing myself at one point in fear of what the truth was. The scale isn’t your friend.. nor is it 100% accurate especially when you are beginning, or continuing a fitness regimen. I always fear my clients will get unmotivated if they are not happy at the number staring back at them.. We all know muscle takes up less space in the body, making our clothes fit better, but weighs more than fat. You could fit in those jeans you havent worn in forever, yet the scale hasn’t budged. THIS IS NORMAL! Do NOT be afraid anymore! As long as you are moving, getting and staying active and watching the SHIT foods in moderation while keeping a healthy “diet”, the scale shouldn’t matter anymore), and now I am back at 150. Shit.. Tell me years ago that I would be 150 and I would have cried myself to sleep for days.. but this is the thing.. I have never been in this great of shape before.. Okay… yes I have.. when I competed in a bikini show a year or two ago.. but this is it.. I feel it. Nothing can stop me anymore..

I haven’t binged in the longest time. I actually couldn’t even tell you the last time I did.. why? because I am too determined to be great. I am too determined to prove to myself that I can stick with this shit. Through the bad days, the good ones and fuck! Even the ones that wish I never got out of bed I still tell myself over and over that I can DO THIS!.. and honestly.. so can everyone that has signed up to be trained by me.. The thing is.. it really depends on how bad you want it. You can THINK you do.. you can even dream about it.. but nothing matters until you actually do it and KEEP doing it. Keep in mind you will have bad days.. but just look forward to the good ones. Like they said, ” don’t be afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still”.. Pick yourself up.. and keep moving forward. No matter how long it takes, just know that you are one day closer to being who you truly want to be…

Here are a few pictures of what I eat on a daily basis…

Look at the food that I eat.. Why starve when you can achieve a fantastic looking body by eating? I mean.. truly eating and I eat A LOT. Yes.. people will still think I look manly.. yes not every girl wants my body.. but I am HEALTHY.. and it doesn’t even end there.. but I am HAPPY with my body.. how many of you can actually say that?

My main go to’s are ground turkey, steak, chicken, greek yogurt, eggs, fruits of all kinds (be careful.. now yes a banana is better than eating a snickers but fruit has sugar regardless if its natural or not. Now there are many stereotypes about all this crap.. but the only reason I bring this up is because people tend to take things for granted and consume high amount of calories thinking that just because its healthy that it wont matter… well.. it does. It’s all about calories in vs calories when talking about weight loss.. Just keep that in mind)… asparagus, broccoli, sweet potatoes and regular potatoes.. I have fallen in love with Kashi Waffles (I usually don’t find many products that have a good ingredient list, but surprisingly enough, the ingredients were basic and the nutrition % was awesome! There are about 150 calories for 2, 19g of carbs, 2g of protein).. Skinny Cow has also become a favorite of mine as well.. I would rather have one of those strawberry shortcakes then a whole pint of ice cream.. My portion control sucks a fat one!

But there you have it ladies and gentleman.. A blog post that took be over an hour to write, but one that was worth reading. One that wasn’t full of depression and shit that makes you want to feel bad for me. LOL! Not saying that everything in my life is perfect at the moment, because that is far from the truth. However, just giving you an insight on how actually giving a fuck about your body can and will benefit you each day forward. It has taught me dedication and has held me accountable.. traits that are hard to come by and stick with in this day in age. It is so easy to just not give a shit and to eat whatever you want and to sleep an extra hour than to get up and do some cardio, or take a bike ride.. It is so easy to not care.. why don’t we choose the path less taken?

What do we have to lose?

 

 

except a few pounds here and there 😉