So the whole not blogging every day has actually made me miss posting *smh..
..sometimes less IS more.
So what’s clouding Marissa’s brain lately?
I am starting to appreciate things more.
Understanding that tomorrow is NOT promised.
So why do we do the things we do? Don’t people get it? Let’s just take money for example.. it can buy anything your little heart desires except one thing…time. You’re gone when its your time.
Plain and simple.
Don’t take advantage of today. We all have the ability to be completely happy.and I truly feel we have no one to blame but ourselves.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”- Robert Anthony.
Start rethinking what you may think are “priorities”, stop fearing the inevitable and live.
Other then my lovely rants.. I am feeling pretty good. Eating has been so easy ever since I put my carbs and fruits back in the mix. I can feel myself growing already and I am s t o k e d.
830am Brownie Quest Bar
11am 1/2 P28 Bagel and Almond Butter
2pm Leftovers of WW pasta and Ground Turkey
5pm 3 small chicken breasts (almonds if still hungry)
830pm (don’t know if I am working out today).. so this would change but protein and fat
Last meal– Casein protein shake (slower digesting protein)
Probably not working out today (but you never know).. But I will list my workout from yesterday.
I trained glutes 😉
4x10x45 w/ calf raises
Abs (I have to discuss this at a later date lol)..
Only 3 sets- forget the weight.. but it didn’t feel good lol.
I have been killing it in the gym.. literally walked out earlier this week not being able to walk (I split legs into 2 sessions so I train them twice a week).. I have just been focusing on form and contractions rather then reps (even though I still count most of them).. but I have been feeling really good. Have laid off cardio a bit (wont hold my breathe) so that makes it easier to kill it even more 😉
Will be in Wisconsin tomorrow night till Monday afternoon.. so that means so time in an actual gym.. Meaning hopefully we go for a lot of walks and canoeing and just stay active. I know my diet will be on point ( I actually get excited about traveling and eating healthy).. but I know one day I WILL drink lol and maybe enjoy some extra carbs here and there :):):)
Heading over to a small shop to pick up a few tank tops and a pair of shorts to wear on the boat, then stopping at sunset to pick up meat (and my healthy food to bring on the way up there).. Def hope I score some of those Sugar Free Chocolate Chip Cookies again.. Those were solid and I wouldn’t even need to “cheat” haha if I had those.. We’ll see. I am so E X C I T E D! It’ll be like a mini vaca! I’ll still be emailing and responding though (as much as I can.. up there doesn’t have much service).. but I will do my best.
Until then, practicing patience and positivity. ❤
I couldn’t even answer the question.
Literally minutes of silence as I stare out the window searching for something.. ANYTHING to say.
Yet for once in my life, I had nothing.
Nothing to say, but I’m sure the tears that fell down my face said enough.
Subject changed (my ADD probably), as a comforting hand rubbed my back and thigh. Reassuring me that everything is okay.
But is it?
Agenda for Monday:
530pm Back Work out with Taylor @ X Sport in A.H
830am Quest Bar (Vanilla Almond)
1130am Greek Yogurt
2pm Chicken with Mixed Veggies
530pm Chicken with Broccoli
8pm Almond Butter on P28 Bread
11pm Don’t know yet.
Lat Pull down
LIFTING AS HEAVY AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT LOSING FORM!
60 Min of YOGA.. yep. Yoga.. wtf am I gonna do? Taylor is like a super star and my dog can do a better downward dog then I can.. Not to mention my legs are so fucking sore still that I look like I have a huge load in my pants. HA… this should be fun. OH and this is my past employer lol (I worked here for 4 years).. so that should add to the interesting part.
Don’t know how that last bullet will effect me. I really would LOVE to see my abs 24/7 but I also want defined arms and HUGE ass legs (not to mention, keeping my huge ass…ass). Pretty much meaning that I am going to lay off cardio a bit. I think I will do it if I feel like it (which is usually never, but hey!), but I won’t beat myself up over it. I will however, eat clean as shit. I want to see what my body is capable of. I want to stop with the excuses and stop with the dumb ass binges that happen every now and again. I think that since I am allowed back my fruits that it will subside any sugar cravings I may have. I honestly feel like that part of my life is gone. Yes I have consumed A LOT of food in the last week that wasn’t in any way shape or form good for me but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every last bite. Yes I felt like shit afterwards and about 3 days after but I enjoyed it because I LET MYSELF! I need to learn to love myself regardless of a bloated belly or a significant muffin top. My weight doesn’t define me and as much as I am obsessed with fitness and health, I will never stray down the broken road of disordered eating again. I will never throw up or starve myself EVER again. EVER. Yes people call me obsessed and a fitness freak blahblahblah.. but they don’t know the battle I fought to get where I am. This is MY body, MY life and I will not stop the journey I am on, till I can HONESTLY say that I love myself with everything I have. Now please don’t take this like I want to be perfect, or I am striving for any of that sort, because that wouldn’t be fair. I want to accept myself as I better myself. I am doing this for me.
No explanations, no validations no more disclaimers (besides this one, that is)..
…..btw have NO idea why my pictures are turning sideways and upside down lol. I apologize.
She won’t make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she’s running from wants to give up and lie down.
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that’s to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as I rise above, my burden is easing
Wednesday, May 9th…
Woke up fat. No joke.
NO idea where my abs went. Possibly the more carbs I had yesterday due to a leg workout? UGH.
so guess what I did, I googled that shit.
Found the same shit I already knew, drink more water, sweat ext ext.. Did see something about preparation- H.. so I got it. Lmao. I am so bad. Do not follow what I do just yet.. the point of the cream is to apply it prior or cardio so it secretes the fluid out of that area…… *CROSSES FINGERS* *PRAYS* *BLOWS OUT A CANDLE* pleassssssssseeeeeeeeeee work..
I’ve had enough. 3 days. I can do this.
All I want is to finish this contest prep.. EAT like crap for 24 hours, then get back to my normal lifestyle. I want to eat fruit without guilt. I want to EAT TO GROW AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!! I know I’ll lose my abs for a few days but I don’t care. You should see me at the gym late at night.. I am practically SLEEPING!!! I am trying so hard, then I beat myself up over the fact that it was possibly a shitty fucking workout. I need balance in my life. Balance and forgiveness, especially for oneself.
Alright so yesterday after my never ending work day I headed over to Taylor’s Salon after I walked Marley and ate really quick.. (@La Flavia Salon in IL).. I waited around for a bit, for her to finish with her last client then I was next! She ended up cutting about 4 inches off.. dry cut and everything. It. Looks. Awesome. Anyways after we were chit chatting.. she thought she was going to dye it as well.. well obviously a miscommunication.. haha.. so I am going back tomorrow (Thursday) for her to dye it and style it (just so I know what it looks like and if I want it up or down).. so yes.. any who.. after the haircut we went back to her house and she got ready and we hit the gym.
It was leg day.. the last leg day of this contest prep. yep. and let me tell you I, my “rest” breaks were me shutting my eyes and trying to sleep. It was awful. The only bright side of this story is I lifted my heaviest.. weird? haha.. no joke.
Blah blah blah got home at 1130pm and passed the fuck out.
I did book the hotel, so that’s another thing off my list of things to do. Now its just a waiting game really lol. Playing around with my poses and how my “abs” look in certain poses.. I am def ready to get all pampered though. Taylor is going to do an amazing job I already know.. now if my body was up to par…..
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don’t worry.. I’ll be confident up there because you really don’t have any other choice lmfao.. but deep down I could of done better. I just have to remind myself that I didn’t do this with the intention of trying to out beat every girl.. this was a personal goal. Really just a set date that I needed to lose that god awful weight in and I think I at least accomplished that. Again.. just WAIT for the before and after pics.. I at least lost 25 SOLID POUNDS OF FAT. Ugh I was disgusting.
Alright that was my little update for you and again I apologize for the lack material in my blogs.. I PROMISEEEEE as soon as I get SOME energy I will put A LOT of effort into making this blog something special. I LOVE receiving the comments/feed back from you guys. It ALWAYS puts me in a better mood/ a smile on my face. So I thank you.
now, to leave you with a photo that have made my jaw drop today..
..talk about motivation.
Now go work out! 😉